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(Duluth News Tribune)   Police catch serial lobster thief red-handed. Fun fact: If someone steals a live crustacean from Red Lobster and it's recovered, apparently it goes back in the tank   (duluthnewstribune.com) divider line 43
    More: Strange, Red Lobster, Duluth, Hennepin County, crustaceans, lobsters, Duluth police, lobster thief  
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3392 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Mar 2013 at 2:22 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



43 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-03-23 12:11:16 PM
Step 1: Steal lobster
Step 2: Put lobster in my ass.
Step 3: Return lobster to tank.
Step 4: Gain unprecedented confidence in all business meetings knowing there is a chance the people I am meeting with have eaten one of my ass lobsters.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2013-03-23 12:12:39 PM
it goes back in the tank

A few years ago a truckload of live lobster spilled on a Massachusetts highway. Authorities practically tripped overthemselves rushing to condemn the load and chase down anybody who tried to distribute it. A small town health inspector doesn't have anything better to do than make sure poor people don't get any lobster (allegedly some was used to feed the Poor, although also allegedly some was sold for $3 per pound in a parking lot). Felony charges followed but nobody served any time. Some surviving lobsters were released into Boston Harbor, because the touch of polluted seawater has some legal rejuvenating effect turning contaminated food back into food.
 
2013-03-23 12:29:22 PM

Ghastly: ass lobsters


You should get those looked at.
 
2013-03-23 01:02:37 PM

Ghastly: Step 1: Steal lobster
Step 2: Put lobster in my ass.
Step 3: Return lobster to tank.
Step 4: Gain unprecedented confidence in all business meetings knowing there is a chance the people I am meeting with have eaten one of my ass lobsters.


I've been sticking $30 in lobster up my ass for the past 11 years! That's 6 lobsters a day; 42 lobsters a week; 2190 lobsters a year! To date that's 24,090 lobsters, 8 times the population of Captain D's warehouse. That lobster was in my ass! You think you're better than me? Oh, you're not better than me. You nibble my ass seafood everyday. You order my ass lobster for good fortune. You split my ass lobsters with your wife and wish for more. You give my ass lobsters to your little daughter on her 9th birthday as a treat.
 
2013-03-23 02:29:23 PM
Still live? What's the farking problem?
 
2013-03-23 02:29:27 PM
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-03-23 02:30:28 PM
free range lobster!!
 
2013-03-23 02:31:28 PM
No amnesty, they treat illegal aliens better than that
 
2013-03-23 02:31:42 PM

The Snow Dog: [25.media.tumblr.com image 500x361]


Obligatory. Thank you for doing what needs to be done.
 
2013-03-23 02:33:12 PM

Ghastly: Step 1: Steal lobster
Step 2: Put lobster in my ass.
Step 3: Return lobster to tank.
Step 4: Gain unprecedented confidence in all business meetings knowing there is a chance the people I am meeting with have eaten one of my ass lobsters.


Hey! I do that with soybeans and weed! Awesome!
 
2013-03-23 02:35:09 PM
When I hear "serial lobster thief" I get the idea that he was stealing Cap'n Crunch with Lobsterberries.
 
2013-03-23 02:35:27 PM
media.northlandsnewscenter.com

I'm not a thief - I just wanted to set it free!
 
2013-03-23 02:35:59 PM

Ghastly
Snarcoleptic_Hoosier:
Ghastly: Step 1: Steal lobster
Step 2: Put lobster in my ass.
Step 3: Return lobster to tank.
Step 4: Gain unprecedented confidence in all business meetings knowing there is a chance the people I am meeting with have eaten one of my ass lobsters.

I've been sticking $30 in lobster up my ass for the past 11 years! That's 6 lobsters a day; 42 lobsters a week; 2190 lobsters a year! To date that's 24,090 lobsters, 8 times the population of Captain D's warehouse. That lobster was in my ass! You think you're better than me? Oh, you're not better than me. You nibble my ass seafood everyday. You order my ass lobster for good fortune. You split my ass lobsters with your wife and wish for more. You give my ass lobsters to your little daughter on her 9th birthday as a treat.


Do you take the little rubber bands off the lobsters before you shove them up your ass or do you keep them on?
 
2013-03-23 02:36:25 PM

Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: When I hear "serial lobster thief" I get the idea that he was stealing Cap'n Crunch with Lobsterberries.



That sounds delicious!

/With butter
 
2013-03-23 02:38:13 PM
If they would take those little rubber bands off the lobsters' claws before they put them in the tank then it might discourage people from stuffing them down their pants.
 
2013-03-23 02:38:33 PM
FTA: "It's strange enough that someone would slip into the Red Lobster...."

Stop right there.
 
2013-03-23 02:39:44 PM

unyon: Ghastly: ass lobsters

You should get those looked at.


Still better than crabs.

/here all week
//tip your waitress
 
2013-03-23 02:43:22 PM
You know who would have loved this story?

Pinchy.

www.rankopedia.com
 
2013-03-23 02:46:45 PM
Fun fact: If someone steals a live crustacean from Red Lobster and it's recovered, apparently it goes back in the tan

So, the Property Room or Evidence Lockup doesn't get a shot at it?
 
2013-03-23 02:47:52 PM
I would consider the stolen lobster as livestock. But since it left the control of the restaurant they cold not assure that it had not been adulterated in some way. Ya never know. The prevert might have stuck it up his ass.
 
2013-03-23 02:56:48 PM
davincilabs.com
 
2013-03-23 03:06:20 PM

InternetSecurityGuard: I would consider the stolen lobster as livestock. But since it left the control of the restaurant they cold not assure that it had not been adulterated in some way. Ya never know. The prevert might have stuck it up his ass.


Yeah.  I'm not a big stickler for food safety, but given the choice I think I'll take the lobster that hasn't been in the unsupervised possession of the homeless crack addict for half an hour, thanks.
 
2013-03-23 03:14:16 PM
Red Lobster has live lobsters?

/serious
 
2013-03-23 03:34:54 PM

one of Ripley's Bad Guys: Red Lobster has live lobsters?

/serious


What I came to say. I thought all their lobsters were frozen. Unless they just have an aquarium in the lobby for decorative purposes.
 
2013-03-23 03:35:22 PM

Perducci: unyon: Ghastly: ass lobsters

You should get those looked at.

Still better than crabs.

/here all week
//tip your waitress


Usually we reserve those post-scripts for when something is funny.
 
2013-03-23 03:38:18 PM
Well, guess so. From the menu:


Live Maine Lobster

Steamed, or roasted with crab-and-seafood stuffing. Served with sweet corn on the cob and red potatoes. Please refer to our Today's Fresh Fish menu for availability and pricing.
 
2013-03-23 03:40:35 PM
Because bottom feeding creatures which eat the worst of pollutants and excrement are clean to begin with.
 
2013-03-23 03:46:22 PM

buckler: one of Ripley's Bad Guys: Red Lobster has live lobsters?

/serious

What I came to say. I thought all their lobsters were frozen. Unless they just have an aquarium in the lobby for decorative purposes.


Haven't been to a Red Lobster in like 20 years, but I do remember them having a tank.  However, I'd probably side with you on it being decorative.  Lets face it, they sell A LOT of lobster.  For cheap.  I assume the stuff on your plate was, indeed, frozen and shipped from corporate.
 
2013-03-23 04:14:48 PM

one of Ripley's Bad Guys: Red Lobster has live lobsters?

/serious


very, very frightened ones.

/they're not red when they're alive, subs.
//just sayin
 
2013-03-23 04:54:54 PM

skullkrusher: one of Ripley's Bad Guys: Red Lobster has live lobsters?

/serious

very, very frightened ones.

/they're not red when they're alive, subs.
//just sayin


Depends on your definition of red. I have seen plenty of red lobsters. Not the cooked lobster red, more of a deep crimson, but red nonetheless.
 
2013-03-23 05:18:44 PM

Ghastly: Step 1: Steal lobster
Step 2: Put lobster in my ass.
Step 3: Return lobster to tank.
Step 4: Gain unprecedented confidence in all business meetings knowing there is a chance the people I am meeting with have eaten one of my ass lobsters.


Confused how to apply this to your post
sslimgs.xkcd.com
 
2013-03-23 05:21:16 PM
Was it a year ago, some politician pretty well said that the soup kitchens and homeless shelters should be on the path to the dumpster for spoiled food.

/I prefer my gas station subs, once I throw off the rotten tomato and WTF-lettuse.
//Still have avoided food poisoning better than the finest restaurants.
 
2013-03-23 05:27:32 PM

awalkingecho: Perducci: unyon: Ghastly: ass lobsters

You should get those looked at.

Still better than crabs.

/here all week
//tip your waitress

Usually we reserve those post-scripts for when something is funny.


Or cheesy and terrible.
 
2013-03-23 06:00:59 PM

awalkingecho: Perducci: unyon: Ghastly: ass lobsters

You should get those looked at.

Still better than crabs.

/here all week
//tip your waitress

Usually we reserve those post-scripts for when something is funny.


It is pretty funny. Who would stick a crab up his ass?
 
2013-03-23 06:13:25 PM
I don't want to go in the pot!

24.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-03-23 07:09:02 PM

Ghastly: Step 1: Steal lobster
Step 2: Put lobster in my ass.
Step 3: Return lobster to tank.
Step 4: Gain unprecedented confidence in all business meetings knowing there is a chance the people I am meeting with have eaten one of my ass lobsters.


Mmmm... ass lobsters.
 
2013-03-23 08:11:56 PM
 
2013-03-23 08:18:38 PM

buckler: Well, guess so. From the menu:


Live Maine Lobster

Steamed, or roasted with crab-and-seafood stuffing. Served with sweet corn on the cob and red potatoes. Please refer to our Today's Fresh Fish menu for availability and pricing.


I'm not a lobster fan nor have I ever been to a Red Lobster but lobster is sided with corn on the cob and red taters? That might work with steak or a pork chop.

/does not know what to serve with lobster
//loves salmon and swordfish
///not lobster or crab
 
2013-03-23 08:20:21 PM
This guy has done most everything
Hire him and let him sleep in the store at night..
 
2013-03-23 08:21:11 PM

downstairs: buckler: one of Ripley's Bad Guys: Red Lobster has live lobsters?

/serious

What I came to say. I thought all their lobsters were frozen. Unless they just have an aquarium in the lobby for decorative purposes.

Haven't been to a Red Lobster in like 20 years, but I do remember them having a tank.  However, I'd probably side with you on it being decorative.  Lets face it, they sell A LOT of lobster.  For cheap.  I assume the stuff on your plate was, indeed, frozen and shipped from corporate.


You used to be able to actually pick a lobster out of the tank but the price is per pound at whatever insane number they have assigned as "market price". I don't know if they still do that, if you're just going to order a boiled lobster I don't know why you wouldn't hit up a market and throw one in a pot. Aside from clams I don't know of any live animal that is easier to prepare than lobster.
 
2013-03-23 11:29:57 PM
www.newslobster.com
 
2013-03-24 04:18:54 AM
a1.twimg.com
I think that's seeping into the grout.
 
2013-03-24 03:30:50 PM
Who knew Ass Lobster was a real thing?
 
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