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(Huffington Post)   "What John Mayer Hasn't Done In 3 Years?" It's either Taylor Swift or a tour, I bet   (huffingtonpost.com) divider line 45
    More: Silly, Saratoga Springs, vocal cords, Sony BMG, Columbia Records, Red Rocks Amphitheatre, Walnut Creek, The Event Center, mid-west  
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2090 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 22 Mar 2013 at 11:38 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-22 11:45:49 AM  
Or C) Been fisted by Tom Wopat?
 
2013-03-22 11:49:54 AM  

FarkingReading: Or C) Been fisted by Tom Wopat?


Otherwise known as a typical Saturday in Duke COunty.
 
2013-03-22 11:50:30 AM  
1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-03-22 11:52:38 AM  
www.freeimagehosting.net
 
2013-03-22 11:55:51 AM  
paulidin.com
 
2013-03-22 11:57:54 AM  
I think John Mayer exists as an imaginary figure for women in their 30s who wish to be women in their early 20s that get banged by a soulful douche with a guitar.  He's like Kaiser Soze, but instead of a myth among criminals he's a myth among bored women with desk jobs.

Has anyone ever heard his music?  I've been told he sings songs, but I've never heard any.  There is no John Mayer.
 
2013-03-22 11:59:09 AM  
Apparently, we can update the John Mayer pump-and-dump joke to 'Katy Perry' now.

Let's find someone new for John. The vessel requires a new host.
 
2013-03-22 12:01:50 PM  

Rapmaster2000: I think John Mayer exists as an imaginary figure for women in their 30s who wish to be women in their early 20s that get banged by a soulful douche with a guitar.  He's like Kaiser Soze, but instead of a myth among criminals he's a myth among bored women with desk jobs.

Has anyone ever heard his music?  I've been told he sings songs, but I've never heard any.  There is no John Mayer.


Yeah right. Next you'll tell me that Tom Wopat has never woken up you, or anybody for that matter, with a surprise fisting.
 
2013-03-22 12:04:00 PM  

FarkingReading: Next you'll tell me that Tom Wopat has never woken up you, or anybody for that matter, with a surprise fisting.


Otherwise known as a typical Sunday morning in Duke County.
 
2013-03-22 12:04:47 PM  

FarkingReading: Rapmaster2000: I think John Mayer exists as an imaginary figure for women in their 30s who wish to be women in their early 20s that get banged by a soulful douche with a guitar.  He's like Kaiser Soze, but instead of a myth among criminals he's a myth among bored women with desk jobs.

Has anyone ever heard his music?  I've been told he sings songs, but I've never heard any.  There is no John Mayer.

Yeah right. Next you'll tell me that Tom Wopat has never woken up you, or anybody for that matter, with a surprise fisting.


That only happened to me with Ben "Cooter" Jones, but I was the one doing the fisting.

Or maybe it was just a wonderful dream.
 
2013-03-22 12:05:12 PM  

Rapmaster2000: I think John Mayer exists as an imaginary figure for women in their 30s who wish to be women in their early 20s that get banged by a soulful douche with a guitar.  He's like Kaiser Soze, but instead of a myth among criminals he's a myth among bored women with desk jobs.

Has anyone ever heard his music?  I've been told he sings songs, but I've never heard any.  There is no John Mayer.


Sadly, he exists. I've me tim. He was hawking his pre-breakout CD Inside Wants Out and touring around Georgia. He would do gigs at the The Uptown Tap in Columbus. He was a giant douchebag. It was clear that he felt himself better than having to do the small gigs.
 
2013-03-22 12:10:12 PM  

kumanoki: Rapmaster2000: I think John Mayer exists as an imaginary figure for women in their 30s who wish to be women in their early 20s that get banged by a soulful douche with a guitar.  He's like Kaiser Soze, but instead of a myth among criminals he's a myth among bored women with desk jobs.

Has anyone ever heard his music?  I've been told he sings songs, but I've never heard any.  There is no John Mayer.

Sadly, he exists. I've me tim. He was hawking his pre-breakout CD Inside Wants Out and touring around Georgia. He would do gigs at the The Uptown Tap in Columbus. He was a giant douchebag. It was clear that he felt himself better than having to do the small gigs.


I heard he's from Decatur, but I've lived in Decatur for 10 years and I've never seen the guy.  The whole town is just lesbians and me so if I saw another guy I'm pretty sure I'd notice.
 
2013-03-22 12:12:46 PM  
i78.photobucket.com
 
2013-03-22 12:16:24 PM  
Will someone please turn this guy onto heroin.....QUICK!
 
2013-03-22 12:22:06 PM  

Rapmaster2000: FarkingReading: Rapmaster2000: I think John Mayer exists as an imaginary figure for women in their 30s who wish to be women in their early 20s that get banged by a soulful douche with a guitar.  He's like Kaiser Soze, but instead of a myth among criminals he's a myth among bored women with desk jobs.

Has anyone ever heard his music?  I've been told he sings songs, but I've never heard any.  There is no John Mayer.

Yeah right. Next you'll tell me that Tom Wopat has never woken up you, or anybody for that matter, with a surprise fisting.

That only happened to me with Ben "Cooter" Jones, but I was the one doing the fisting.

Or maybe it was just a wonderful dream.


Was it a surprise? It's always best when it's a surprise.
 
2013-03-22 12:41:20 PM  

Krowdaddy Chixdiggit: Will someone please turn this guy onto heroin.....QUICK!


Meth would kill it quicker.
 
2013-03-22 01:15:45 PM  
Guy sure does get a whole lot of high caliber poon for someone who used to pump gas for a day job.
 
2013-03-22 01:16:40 PM  

monoski: Guy sure does get a whole lot of high caliber poon for someone who used to pump gas for a day job.


There's a double entendre in there somewhere...
 
2013-03-22 01:32:09 PM  
Is he huge or something? His face & hair make me think of a retarded rat terrier.
 
2013-03-22 01:43:25 PM  
How this guy gets all the Grade-A tail he gets is beyond me. Jennifer Aniston and Katy Perry aren't exactly dogs, ya know.
 
2013-03-22 01:45:06 PM  

zappaisfrank: How this guy gets all the Grade-A tail he gets is beyond me. Jennifer Aniston and Katy Perry aren't exactly dogs, ya know.


I think it's because of his great lyrics:

Ooh baby I'm gonna take you away/
We can have a picnic in a hot air balloon/
I've got champagne and strawberries/
The champagne is so you don't feel guilty/
I can see your nips poking through your J.Crew sweater

That's some soulful stuff right there.
 
2013-03-22 01:48:00 PM  

Rapmaster2000: zappaisfrank: How this guy gets all the Grade-A tail he gets is beyond me. Jennifer Aniston and Katy Perry aren't exactly dogs, ya know.

I think it's because of his great lyrics:

Ooh baby I'm gonna take you away/
We can have a picnic in a hot air balloon/
I've got champagne and strawberries/
The champagne is so you don't feel guilty/
I can see your nips poking through your J.Crew sweater

That's some soulful stuff right there.


dafuq?

I've never heard his music, but this is what he sings about? Can we offer it to Amanda Bynes and hope her vag gets murdered while he's there too?
 
2013-03-22 01:49:53 PM  
Not make a stupid face while playing?
 
2013-03-22 01:58:17 PM  
I've never quite been sure why folks hate this guy.

- He's been with Jennifer Anniston, Taylor Swift, Jessica Simpson and Katy Perry, all in their prime.  Some crazy there for sure, but he's been smart enough to get out at the right time and tell me you wouldn't if you could.
- He digs blues.
- He did The Chapelle Show.
- He plays his own instrument, sings his own songs and writes his own stuff.

Only two knocks I can see:

- He sold out.  I get it, but if he were to just play blues the rest of his life, he'd just be another guy in another bar band ... you gotta do something to make it.
- He's a douche.  Again, I get it, but I bet most rock stars are.

He's not Bieber. He's not Kanye.  We could do far worse.  I say, let the man be.
 
2013-03-22 02:24:36 PM  
The only thing Mayer has done lately is bang Russel Brand's sloppy seconds and try to convince everyone that he's Neil Young now.
 
2013-03-22 02:29:00 PM  

Pfighting Polish: He's not Bieber. He's not Kanye. We could do far worse. I say, let the man be.


Why? We get on women for the same thing, don't we? Look how much shiat Taylor takes, for example, and she isn't even bedding her partners.
 
kab
2013-03-22 02:30:57 PM  
The pop worlds pretty boy,  less talented version of J. Bonnamassa.

*yawn*
 
2013-03-22 02:32:09 PM  

kab: The pop worlds pretty boy,  less talented version of J. Bonnamassa.

*yawn*


And ya know what? I bet he's just crying himself to sleep...on his bed of money, surrounded by whores as far as the eye can see.
 
2013-03-22 02:40:49 PM  

Pfighting Polish: I've never quite been sure why folks hate this guy.

- He's been with Jennifer Anniston, Taylor Swift, Jessica Simpson and Katy Perry, all in their prime.  Some crazy there for sure, but he's been smart enough to get out at the right time and tell me you wouldn't if you could.
- He digs blues.
- He did The Chapelle Show.
- He plays his own instrument, sings his own songs and writes his own stuff.

Only two knocks I can see:

- He sold out.  I get it, but if he were to just play blues the rest of his life, he'd just be another guy in another bar band ... you gotta do something to make it.
- He's a douche.  Again, I get it, but I bet most rock stars are.

He's not Bieber. He's not Kanye.  We could do far worse.  I say, let the man be.


He could be a douche and you might not particularly like his lyrics, but the guy has chops.

/I'm a fan...
 
2013-03-22 03:01:22 PM  

ParadisePornoTheater: Krowdaddy Chixdiggit: Will someone please turn this guy onto heroin.....QUICK!

Meth would kill it quicker.


Not a fan of Mayer, but damn you guys are so edgy.
 
2013-03-22 03:56:19 PM  
Mayer is fine by me. His music is decent to good, on average, and he's a hell of a guitar player.

If you DON'T like John Mayer, find and watch John Mayer Has a TV Show. You'll probably change your mind about him.

/he does look like a dope when he sings, though
//like he's trying to gum his way thorough an ear of corn
 
2013-03-22 04:23:24 PM  
He's had sex with Jennifer Aniston and Katy Perry. What have you done with your life asshole?
 
2013-03-22 04:41:29 PM  

Katie Couric's Crotch: He's had sex with Jennifer Aniston and Katy Perry. What have you done with your life asshole?


So I am guessing you want to smell he nutsack?
 
2013-03-22 05:25:00 PM  

Krowdaddy Chixdiggit: Katie Couric's Crotch: He's had sex with Jennifer Aniston and Katy Perry. What have you done with your life asshole?

So I am guessing you want to smell his nutsack?



i78.photobucket.com
 
2013-03-22 05:28:35 PM  

Katie Couric's Crotch: He's had sex with Jennifer Aniston and Katy Perry. What have you done with your life asshole?


I don't think I've done anything with my life asshole.   I'm not even sure that I have one.
 
2013-03-22 05:57:57 PM  

kumanoki: [1.bp.blogspot.com image 380x267]


This. His voice makes me want gouge out my eardrums. I could give a f*ck how well he does or doesn't play the guitar.
 
2013-03-22 05:59:04 PM  

Rapmaster2000: kumanoki: Rapmaster2000: I think John Mayer exists as an imaginary figure for women in their 30s who wish to be women in their early 20s that get banged by a soulful douche with a guitar.  He's like Kaiser Soze, but instead of a myth among criminals he's a myth among bored women with desk jobs.

Has anyone ever heard his music?  I've been told he sings songs, but I've never heard any.  There is no John Mayer.

Sadly, he exists. I've me tim. He was hawking his pre-breakout CD Inside Wants Out and touring around Georgia. He would do gigs at the The Uptown Tap in Columbus. He was a giant douchebag. It was clear that he felt himself better than having to do the small gigs.

I heard he's from Decatur, but I've lived in Decatur for 10 years and I've never seen the guy.  The whole town is just lesbians and me so if I saw another guy I'm pretty sure I'd notice.


That. And also the Brick Store.

/he's still a douche
 
2013-03-22 06:40:19 PM  
I just listened to Mayer for the first time on YouTube. Not bad at all. Don't understand all the hate in this thread. Yeah, yeah, welcome to Fark. Still, he has talent.
 
2013-03-22 06:46:08 PM  

red5ish: I just listened to Mayer for the first time on YouTube. Not bad at all. Don't understand all the hate in this thread. Yeah, yeah, welcome to Fark. Still, he has talent.


paulidin.com
 
2013-03-22 09:20:26 PM  
I think John learned Lovecraftian style that while the memory of the beauty fades, the crazy will be a part of you forever.
 
2013-03-22 09:46:00 PM  
Bear Suit, biatches. John Mayer rules.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9H-bJs-Ib-s
 
2013-03-22 11:48:47 PM  

cettin: Pfighting Polish: I've never quite been sure why folks hate this guy.

- He's been with Jennifer Anniston, Taylor Swift, Jessica Simpson and Katy Perry, all in their prime.  Some crazy there for sure, but he's been smart enough to get out at the right time and tell me you wouldn't if you could.
- He digs blues.
- He did The Chapelle Show.
- He plays his own instrument, sings his own songs and writes his own stuff.

Only two knocks I can see:

- He sold out.  I get it, but if he were to just play blues the rest of his life, he'd just be another guy in another bar band ... you gotta do something to make it.
- He's a douche.  Again, I get it, but I bet most rock stars are.

He's not Bieber. He's not Kanye.  We could do far worse.  I say, let the man be.

He could be a douche and you might not particularly like his lyrics, but the guy has chops.

/I'm a fan...


Look a douche can get top shelf tail I dare anyone to dispute that it happens. It never lasts but it happens all the time. And I would dispute the idea that ALL rock stars are douches, there may be plenty of examples of them but there are others that are really good people.
 
2013-03-23 10:21:24 AM  

Pfighting Polish: I've never quite been sure why folks hate this guy.

- He's been with Jennifer Anniston, Taylor Swift, Jessica Simpson and Katy Perry, all in their prime.  Some crazy there for sure, but he's been smart enough to get out at the right time and tell me you wouldn't if you could.
- He digs blues.
- He did The Chapelle Show.
- He plays his own instrument, sings his own songs and writes his own stuff.

Only two knocks I can see:

- He sold out.  I get it, but if he were to just play blues the rest of his life, he'd just be another guy in another bar band ... you gotta do something to make it.
- He's a douche.  Again, I get it, but I bet most rock stars are.

He's not Bieber. He's not Kanye.  We could do far worse.  I say, let the man be.


You forgot Jennifer Love HugeTits.
 
2013-03-23 11:05:25 AM  

cettin: Pfighting Polish: I've never quite been sure why folks hate this guy.

- He's been with Jennifer Anniston, Taylor Swift, Jessica Simpson and Katy Perry, all in their prime.  Some crazy there for sure, but he's been smart enough to get out at the right time and tell me you wouldn't if you could.
- He digs blues.
- He did The Chapelle Show.
- He plays his own instrument, sings his own songs and writes his own stuff.

Only two knocks I can see:

- He sold out.  I get it, but if he were to just play blues the rest of his life, he'd just be another guy in another bar band ... you gotta do something to make it.
- He's a douche.  Again, I get it, but I bet most rock stars are.

He's not Bieber. He's not Kanye.  We could do far worse.  I say, let the man be.

He could be a douche and you might not particularly like his lyrics, but the guy has chops.

/I'm a fan...


Likewise.  I've seen his show twice now, and will so a third time when he comes back to Toronto in August.

He knows he's sold out.  During a show for his last album he said something along the lines that it's what he has to do in order to keep doing what he's doing.  I think he also said that on the "Where the Light Is" Blu-Ray which is fantastic, btw.

/love Born and Raised
//made up for the mostly meh Battle Studies
///he's going to be inducting Albert King at the R&R HOF.  John Mayer should crush that performance.
////"Gravity" live is just amazing
//his "Ain't No Sunshine" cover is very good
 
2013-03-23 12:28:47 PM  

PizzaJedi81: FarkingReading: Next you'll tell me that Tom Wopat has never woken up you, or anybody for that matter, with a surprise fisting.

Otherwise known as a typical Sunday morning in Duke County.


Maybe the phrasing is part of the meme-ness of this, but the Dukes lived in Hazzard County.

/cue Herr Wolfcastle
 
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