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(Football365)   Police search for Maradona's penis   ( divider line
    More: Amusing  
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12898 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Dec 2003 at 3:48 PM (13 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

56 Comments     (+0 »)

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2003-12-22 09:37:26 AM  
After carefully choosing his words, a police source told the paper, "We're confident we can sniff it out.">

Even the police are comedians these days.
2003-12-22 09:56:59 AM  
Check the medicine cabinet. I wonder how many posts before the King Missile lyrics show up...
2003-12-22 10:02:07 AM  
It vanished? Hand of God.
2003-12-22 10:06:46 AM  
I stole it. I'm collecting one from every country.
2003-12-22 11:01:31 AM  
Wow... I really need more sleep. I swear that said "Police looking for Madonna's penis"
2003-12-22 11:14:20 AM  
You weren't the only one to see that, Jabber. I was kind of thinking (hoping) that it was some sort of celebrity sex toy thief story.
2003-12-22 12:23:30 PM  
Same with me, Jabber and DaOmni. But if it were Madonna's penis, it would be really be easy to find: it's just above her huge set of brass balls.
2003-12-22 12:29:05 PM  
2003-12-22 09:56:59 AM Unfreakable

Check the medicine cabinet. I wonder how many posts before the King Missile lyrics show up...

7 :)

I woke up this morning with a bad hangover
And my penis was missing again.
This happens all the time.
It's detachable.

[background singing begins: "detachable penis" over and over]

This comes in handy a lot of the time.
I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna get me in trouble,
or I can rent it out, when I don't need it.
But now and then I go to a party, get drunk,
and the next morning I can't for the life of me
remember what I did with it.
First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it.
So I called up the place where the party was,
they hadn't seen it either.
I asked them to check the medicine cabinet
'cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes
But not this time.
So I told them if it pops up to let me know.
I called a few people who were at the party,
but they were no help either.
I was starting to get desperate.
I really don't like being without my penis for too long.
It makes me feel like less of a man,
and I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak.
After a few hours of searching the house,
and calling everyone I could think of,
I was starting to get very depressed,
so I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast.
Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place,
where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street,
I saw my penis lying on a blanket
next to a broken toaster oven.
Some guy was selling it.
I had to buy it off him.
He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen.
I took it home, washed it off,
and put it back on. I was happy again. Complete.
People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached,
but I don't know.
Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass,
I like having a detachable penis.
2003-12-22 12:53:16 PM  
Sports are gay. - king missile
2003-12-22 03:15:40 PM  
Seriously, I thought it said Madonna too, I'm very disappointed.
2003-12-22 03:53:03 PM  
Madonna's penis is fake?
2003-12-22 03:53:21 PM  

Man when did Madonna get a penis ? I guess I know why she didn't want her papa to preach.

***goes to check eonline for news about Madonna's penis***

2003-12-22 03:53:47 PM  
"It was found in Britney's mouth at the MTV music awards 2004."
2003-12-22 03:56:43 PM  
2003-12-22 03:56:52 PM  
Madonna's penis = The Immaculate Erection
2003-12-22 03:59:08 PM  
I fell for it too. I was dissapointed to find out it was some soccer player's missing penis, not a female pop stars....
2003-12-22 03:59:13 PM  
Guy Ritchie is missing??
2003-12-22 04:03:26 PM  
that whole premise is funny...a fake penis filled with clean urine to beat drug tests...and the article dares to wonder how big it was..hahaha! Comedy gold. I smell a Farrelly Brothers movie.
2003-12-22 04:05:31 PM  

Sports are gay. - king missile

King Missile is Gay.- Sports

Sorry, mizike: couldn't resist: I actually love King Missle and have a couple of records: Not to mention all my black, gay, and jew friends.

Happy Kwanzchannukasmas, everybody!!!
2003-12-22 04:05:35 PM  
Papa don't reach?
2003-12-22 04:06:10 PM  
Oh it's some soccer player?

I just completely lost interest.
2003-12-22 04:10:47 PM  
I just completely lost interest.

so did every person not living in a 3rd world country.
2003-12-22 04:13:37 PM  
We could put up wanted posters all over school: Have you seen this prick? Report immediately to Beula Balbricker. Do not attempt to apprehend this prick, as it is armed and dangerous. It was last seen hanging out in the girls' locker room at Angel Beach High School.
2003-12-22 04:18:37 PM  
Alas, the fake penis, the size of which is unknown, has now gone missing after it was taken on a countrywide tour.

why was the fake penis, size unknown, going on a countrywide tour?
2003-12-22 04:20:21 PM  
EatYourHeartOut I loved that scene.

I seriously doubt the plausability of the story. I doubt a fake phalis could not just contain enough clean piss, but heat it long enough to pass the pee test. I've heard of all kinds of 'tricks' to pass one - but not yet really believed any are TRUELY viable means of passing.

That said, I feel a Shawshank quote coming on (again),
"I mean - seriously - how often do you look at a mans detachable penis?"

2003-12-22 04:23:08 PM  
I was quickly scanning headlines and thought it said "Madonna's penis"
2003-12-22 04:24:56 PM  
Ahhhh, nothing like a Porky's reference to make the day go by..... Thanks EYHO
2003-12-22 04:25:28 PM  
wait...this is funny guys:

I read the headline and thought it said Madonna! Holy fark! That is so funny!

2003-12-22 04:27:16 PM  
Well, that certainly explains a lot about "her" look--oh, MARAdoNa.

Never mind.
2003-12-22 04:27:40 PM  
Ficticious rock band of the day goes to "The Plastic Manhood".
2003-12-22 04:28:29 PM  
Maybe it is an a Hot cocoa sampler box ?

/...sorry, had to be done
2003-12-22 04:28:52 PM  
From what I hear about Maradona, the police will need an electron microscope.
2003-12-22 04:29:46 PM  
I was desperately hoping that I wasn't the only one. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
2003-12-22 04:31:02 PM  
After carefully choosing his words, a police source told the paper, "We're confident we can sniff it out.

Right. That's put me right off dinner and possibly breakfast tomorrow.
2003-12-22 04:31:12 PM  
Chalk another one up for Madonna. I wasn't planning on drinking until tomorrow, but at this point, why not??? sigh
2003-12-22 04:33:30 PM  
Wanted for questioning:

[image from too old to be available]
2003-12-22 04:34:23 PM  
Wow... I really need more sleep. I swear that said "Police looking for Madonna's penis"

Don't feel so bad. I'm fully awake and thought it said the same thing.

I always thought she was pretty ballsy...

King Missile lives.
2003-12-22 04:36:28 PM  
Ha ha! It looks like it says madonna's penis!

/late to the party
2003-12-22 05:03:19 PM  
Lets get a count of how many people read the headline as "Maddonna's penis"

Got one, with me
2003-12-22 05:03:51 PM  
Whizzinator Excellent for Christmas gifting. (first page sfw)
2003-12-22 05:05:03 PM  
Did anyone else read, "Police search for Madona's penis" ?
2003-12-22 05:05:52 PM  

i thought it was Madonna's penis as well.
2003-12-22 05:15:05 PM  
How is Diego Maradona still alive? That guy must have done more coke than ummmmmmm well.... even Axl Rose... If I was that badly addicted, I would just kill myself. Maradona's life isn't about him being a soccer player, it's about his drug habit. Why Boca Juniors and the other teams he's associated with have put up with it and actually enabled it, I'll never understand. Why couldn't he just have played a good clean American sport like baseball where guys just shrivel up their testicles with steroids?

By the way, didn't Maradona's father once oppose the younger Maradona's transfer to a Mexican club because his son would die from being cut off from his coke sources? I'm not sure that's exactly right, but I think it was something similar. Any Argentinian soccer fans that can set that straight?
2003-12-22 05:47:28 PM  
Maradona, the greatest ever footballer.
2003-12-22 05:58:44 PM  
GenghisBong thats exactly how i read it the first time lol.
hmm...kinda puts an interesting twist into the whole Britney Madonna kiss thing dont it?
2003-12-22 06:03:40 PM  
Alas, the fake penis, the size of which is unknown, has now gone missing after it was taken on a countrywide tour.

That's nice. It's good that the penis got a well deserved vacation.
2003-12-22 06:34:36 PM  
Count one more person who initially saw "Madonna's penis". It would explain a lot......
2003-12-22 06:40:34 PM  
Did it just say MADONNA'S penis?
Oh, wait, no... someone I don't even know about.

And I thought this would be an interesting Monday...
2003-12-22 06:41:00 PM  
"I demand to have some BOOZE!"

Any article that references Withnail and I is alright with me.
2003-12-22 06:41:23 PM  
Maradona, the greatest ever footballer.

Pffftt... Yeah, right... The greatest coke-snorter every, maybe, but greatest footballer?
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