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(Gawker)   Man who sold tattoo "ad space" on his face to porn sites realizes he might not have thought his cunning plan all the way through   (gawker.com ) divider line
    More: Followup, Internet pornography, tattoos, mistakes  
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20447 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Mar 2013 at 8:29 AM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-21 02:20:55 AM  
Who in Hell paid good money for ad space in Anchorage, Alaska???
 
2013-03-21 08:02:10 AM  

BarkingUnicorn: Who in Hell paid good money for ad space in Anchorage, Alaska???


To be fair, I'm in Connecticut and saw the ads.
 
2013-03-21 08:09:22 AM  
Maybe he could sell ad space for a mood stabilizer.
 
2013-03-21 08:32:08 AM  
Hmm. Pornhub.com, eh? I'll have to check that out.
 
2013-03-21 08:34:39 AM  
Go to www.ImAMoron.com while you're at it.
 
2013-03-21 08:34:57 AM  
i.qkme.me
 
2013-03-21 08:35:29 AM  
I'm willing to believe he's mental, because it's hard for me to accept that anyone is so dumb that they lack the foresight to realize this would be a terrible idea.
 
2013-03-21 08:35:30 AM  
He wants to raise money to have tattoos removed by selling more tattoos?

Infinite money or a transparent scam?
 
2013-03-21 08:35:59 AM  
Seems to work though. I regularly purchase 'Cool Ice' (tm) now.
 
2013-03-21 08:36:03 AM  
So he's getting tattoos to help pay for the removal of tattoos.  It's like a moronic Gift of the Magi.
 
2013-03-21 08:38:27 AM  
$4000 to remove the tats? Pfft.

This medical implement is guaranteed to work and is available for $50. Sure it's got some minor side effects but for 1/80th of the cost of some "laser" thing, I say it's an option worth consideration.
www.homedepot.com
 
2013-03-21 08:39:47 AM  
Those are some Queer Tattoos....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwAiFWCiOH8
 
2013-03-21 08:41:17 AM  

AverageAmericanGuy: Hmm. Pornhub.com, eh? I'll have to check that out.


Its easier to just use tubesearch
 
2013-03-21 08:42:15 AM  
Well, I've seen the ads now.  Good on Pornhub for a shrewd advertising campaign.
 
2013-03-21 08:42:40 AM  
Best place on earth for an AA meeting ad...

/better put a (mirror image) duplicate rehab ad on there as well, so the genius can read it every morning in the bathroom - maybe now he'll remember to go.
 
2013-03-21 08:48:34 AM  
Could not possibly imagine being a woman and opening my eyes in the morning to see that.
 
2013-03-21 08:49:07 AM  
www.nick.co.uk

Gibb-AY!
 
2013-03-21 08:49:41 AM  
So now he's selling tattoo space on other body parts to fix his face. I sense a repeat tag in this man's future.
 
2013-03-21 08:50:29 AM  

HotWingConspiracy: I'm willing to believe he's mental, because it's hard for me to accept that anyone is so dumb that they lack the foresight to realize this would be a terrible idea.


See also: Anyone posting evidence of their crimes on a social-networking site.

Diagnosis: STUPID.
 
2013-03-21 08:54:51 AM  

BarkingUnicorn: Who in Hell paid good money for ad space in Anchorage, Alaska???


If they'd paid  good money, I doubt he'd be upset.
 
2013-03-21 08:55:21 AM  
I'm your typical 85% straight white male, no diseases, decent shape, mid thirties, happily married, father of one child.  Money has been tight since the wife stopped worked to stay home with the little guy.  It's worth it to me, though every penny either goes to bills or savings.  And damn if there aren't a few toys that I'd like to get, which a few years ago, I wouldn't have hesitated to buy.  At the top of the list is new golf clubs, everything from putter to driver.  If you're a golfer, or just a consumer in general, you can probably relate to that brain disease that comes with wanting new clubs.  I know that it won't do anything to improve my game, but damn if I don't want them.  It'd cost me about $2000 for everything.

I have never had anal sex performed on me, not by man or rabid animal.  I'm not against it or anything, but it's just never appealed to me.  Now, I've seen news stories about hot, young eighteen year old girls selling their vaginal virginity.  I don't know how much they get, but probably ten grand or so, all for a few hours of work.  Not bad if it doesn't displease your morals.

I'm not particularly moral myself.  I've spit in a few Meals on Wheels for Seniors deliveries when I was doing community service for a drunk driving charge.  I've poured a gallon of paint into a neighbor's noisy air conditioner.  I've poisoned nuisance animals.  I don't really understand the big deal about prison rape.  I don't want to seem like a monster, because I've done a lot of nice things in my time too, but just to explain myself here, I'm not above taking it up the ass for money.  Not regularly, like turning tricks, but once or twice, or for however long it stays tight enough to seem virginal.  The big part there, I guess, will be the screaming.  I think guys know when girls fake orgasms and when guys fake anal sex pain.  I would.

So, do you think there's somebody out there who would pay a few grand to pound me up the shiat box?  Any farkers?  I'd even just take the clubs in lieu of the money if you wanted to convince yourself it was a "gift" instead of payment.
 
2013-03-21 08:57:38 AM  
I don't know what irks me more.  Arrested adolescents like this guy.  Or "news" sites that "report" on them.  Or sites like Fark that pick up these junk headlines.  Or people like me, who know better and click on the link anyway.  Or people like you, who bother to read what I post.  Or people who know you, and aren't really involved at all, but simply knowing someone who reads my stupid post about this stupid non-story is enough.

I really have to stop clicking on obvious National Enquirer links.
 
2013-03-21 09:05:07 AM  
"once as high as $10,000, dropped below $100 a tat."

100 bucks? I don't think I would write PornHub on my face with a Sharpie and let 5 people see it for 100 bucks. What a jackass.
 
2013-03-21 09:06:10 AM  
His penis and buttocks are also off limits - that is, unless the price is right. "I'd need $1 million to do that," he said

I would offer the same, but I already have a penis tattoo. It says "Welcome Aboard"
 
2013-03-21 09:10:09 AM  

spentmiles: So, do you think there's somebody out there who would pay a few grand to pound me up the shiat box? Any farkers? I'd even just take the clubs in lieu of the money if you wanted to convince yourself it was a "gift" instead of payment.



You know, I just happen to have an entire set of clubs. You want them, I really don't need them, and I enjoy sticking things in other people's anuses. This potentialy solves 3 problems right there. How about I give you as many clubs as you can fit in the ol' watch pocket at one time? I'll even give you your choice of clubs.

(if you want the bag, you gotta get that in there too...)
 
2013-03-21 09:11:19 AM  

spentmiles: I'm your typical 85% straight white male, no diseases, decent shape, mid thirties, happily married, father of one child.  Money has been tight since the wife stopped worked to stay home with the little guy.  It's worth it to me, though every penny either goes to bills or savings.  And damn if there aren't a few toys that I'd like to get, which a few years ago, I wouldn't have hesitated to buy.  At the top of the list is new golf clubs, everything from putter to driver.  If you're a golfer, or just a consumer in general, you can probably relate to that brain disease that comes with wanting new clubs.  I know that it won't do anything to improve my game, but damn if I don't want them.  It'd cost me about $2000 for everything.

I have never had anal sex performed on me, not by man or rabid animal.  I'm not against it or anything, but it's just never appealed to me.  Now, I've seen news stories about hot, young eighteen year old girls selling their vaginal virginity.  I don't know how much they get, but probably ten grand or so, all for a few hours of work.  Not bad if it doesn't displease your morals.

I'm not particularly moral myself.  I've spit in a few Meals on Wheels for Seniors deliveries when I was doing community service for a drunk driving charge.  I've poured a gallon of paint into a neighbor's noisy air conditioner.  I've poisoned nuisance animals.  I don't really understand the big deal about prison rape.  I don't want to seem like a monster, because I've done a lot of nice things in my time too, but just to explain myself here, I'm not above taking it up the ass for money.  Not regularly, like turning tricks, but once or twice, or for however long it stays tight enough to seem virginal.  The big part there, I guess, will be the screaming.  I think guys know when girls fake orgasms and when guys fake anal sex pain.  I would.

So, do you think there's somebody out there who would pay a few grand to pound me up the shiat box?  Any farkers?  I'd even just take ...


Well, I think we're done here. Bravo. You have now given me a mental image that will haunt me for the remainder of my existence.

Furthermore, "After auctioning off real estate...for hundreds of dollars"

...HUNDREDS? I'm sorry, but if you want me to tattoo "NastyPooperBiatches.com" across my forehead, you're coming up with at least 20 large. This guy was not only an idiot, but had no business sense.
 
2013-03-21 09:12:16 AM  

spentmiles: So, do you think there's somebody out there who would pay a few grand to pound me up the shiat box? Any farkers? I'd even just take the clubs in lieu of the money if you wanted to convince yourself it was a "gift" instead of payment.


Bathhouses ruined the market for that.
 
2013-03-21 09:17:27 AM  
i love how you can see his resolve to undo this slipping, even before the end of the article:

His penis and buttocks are also off limits - that is, unless the price is right. "I'd need $1 million to do that," he said.

This dude would just re-tat his face all over again.  What an idiot.
 
2013-03-21 09:17:29 AM  

spentmiles: I'm your typical 85% straight white male, no diseases, decent shape, mid thirties, happily married, father of one child.  Money has been tight since the wife stopped worked to stay home with the little guy.  It's worth it to me, though every penny either goes to bills or savings.  And damn if there aren't a few toys that I'd like to get, which a few years ago, I wouldn't have hesitated to buy.  At the top of the list is new golf clubs, everything from putter to driver.  If you're a golfer, or just a consumer in general, you can probably relate to that brain disease that comes with wanting new clubs.  I know that it won't do anything to improve my game, but damn if I don't want them.  It'd cost me about $2000 for everything.

I have never had anal sex performed on me, not by man or rabid animal.  I'm not against it or anything, but it's just never appealed to me.  Now, I've seen news stories about hot, young eighteen year old girls selling their vaginal virginity.  I don't know how much they get, but probably ten grand or so, all for a few hours of work.  Not bad if it doesn't displease your morals.

I'm not particularly moral myself.  I've spit in a few Meals on Wheels for Seniors deliveries when I was doing community service for a drunk driving charge.  I've poured a gallon of paint into a neighbor's noisy air conditioner.  I've poisoned nuisance animals.  I don't really understand the big deal about prison rape.  I don't want to seem like a monster, because I've done a lot of nice things in my time too, but just to explain myself here, I'm not above taking it up the ass for money.  Not regularly, like turning tricks, but once or twice, or for however long it stays tight enough to seem virginal.  The big part there, I guess, will be the screaming.  I think guys know when girls fake orgasms and when guys fake anal sex pain.  I would.

So, do you think there's somebody out there who would pay a few grand to pound me up the shiat box?  Any farkers?  I'd even just take ...


/Bravo
 
2013-03-21 09:17:38 AM  
spentmiles: ...
So, do you think there's somebody out there who would pay a few grand to pound me up the shiat box?  Any farkers?  I'd even just take ...

You take me places I never thought I could go
 
2013-03-21 09:18:40 AM  
spentmiles:

So, do you think there's somebody out there who would pay a few grand to pound me up the shiat box?  Any farkers?  I'd even just take ...

notsureifserious.jpg
 
2013-03-21 09:20:14 AM  

MagSeven: [i.qkme.me image 500x279]


Came for this, leaving happy.
 
2013-03-21 09:24:50 AM  
But can we still tattoo ad space on "Thighs Of Japanese Girls" (sponsored link) ??!!?
 
2013-03-21 09:29:05 AM  

spentmiles: I'm your typical 85% straight white male, no diseases, decent shape, mid thirties, happily married, father of one child.  Money has been tight since the wife stopped worked to stay home with the little guy.  It's worth it to me, though every penny either goes to bills or savings.  And damn if there aren't a few toys that I'd like to get, which a few years ago, I wouldn't have hesitated to buy.  At the top of the list is new golf clubs, everything from putter to driver.  If you're a golfer, or just a consumer in general, you can probably relate to that brain disease that comes with wanting new clubs.  I know that it won't do anything to improve my game, but damn if I don't want them.  It'd cost me about $2000 for everything.

I have never had anal sex performed on me, not by man or rabid animal.  I'm not against it or anything, but it's just never appealed to me.  Now, I've seen news stories about hot, young eighteen year old girls selling their vaginal virginity.  I don't know how much they get, but probably ten grand or so, all for a few hours of work.  Not bad if it doesn't displease your morals.

I'm not particularly moral myself.  I've spit in a few Meals on Wheels for Seniors deliveries when I was doing community service for a drunk driving charge.  I've poured a gallon of paint into a neighbor's noisy air conditioner.  I've poisoned nuisance animals.  I don't really understand the big deal about prison rape.  I don't want to seem like a monster, because I've done a lot of nice things in my time too, but just to explain myself here, I'm not above taking it up the ass for money.  Not regularly, like turning tricks, but once or twice, or for however long it stays tight enough to seem virginal.  The big part there, I guess, will be the screaming.  I think guys know when girls fake orgasms and when guys fake anal sex pain.  I would.

So, do you think there's somebody out there who would pay a few grand to pound me up the shiat box?  Any farkers?  I'd even just take the clubs in lieu of the money if you wanted to convince yourself it was a "gift" instead of payment.


You? Sorry don't think so. There are a few Farkers someone might pay to "pound it up their shiat box" though.
 
2013-03-21 09:35:53 AM  
i452.photobucket.com
 
2013-03-21 09:45:32 AM  

fruitloop: So he's getting tattoos to help pay for the removal of tattoos.  It's like a moronic Gift of the Magi.


and we're done here.
 
2013-03-21 10:24:05 AM  
There has to be someone willing to pay this fellow to drive a billboard at 200mph in a long left turn.
 
2013-03-21 10:33:31 AM  

spentmiles: I'm your typical 85% straight white male, no diseases, decent shape, mid thirties, happily married, father of one child.  Money has been tight since the wife stopped worked to stay home with the little guy.  It's worth it to me, though every penny either goes to bills or savings.  And damn if there aren't a few toys that I'd like to get, which a few years ago, I wouldn't have hesitated to buy.  At the top of the list is new golf clubs, everything from putter to driver.  If you're a golfer, or just a consumer in general, you can probably relate to that brain disease that comes with wanting new clubs.  I know that it won't do anything to improve my game, but damn if I don't want them.  It'd cost me about $2000 for everything.

I have never had anal sex performed on me, not by man or rabid animal.  I'm not against it or anything, but it's just never appealed to me.  Now, I've seen news stories about hot, young eighteen year old girls selling their vaginal virginity.  I don't know how much they get, but probably ten grand or so, all for a few hours of work.  Not bad if it doesn't displease your morals.

I'm not particularly moral myself.  I've spit in a few Meals on Wheels for Seniors deliveries when I was doing community service for a drunk driving charge.  I've poured a gallon of paint into a neighbor's noisy air conditioner.  I've poisoned nuisance animals.  I don't really understand the big deal about prison rape.  I don't want to seem like a monster, because I've done a lot of nice things in my time too, but just to explain myself here, I'm not above taking it up the ass for money.  Not regularly, like turning tricks, but once or twice, or for however long it stays tight enough to seem virginal.  The big part there, I guess, will be the screaming.  I think guys know when girls fake orgasms and when guys fake anal sex pain.  I would.

So, do you think there's somebody out there who would pay a few grand to pound me up the shiat box?  Any farkers?  I'd even just take ...


The male body has a way to shut that whole thing down.
 
2013-03-21 10:39:01 AM  
No pics of Fred Durst?

I am disappoint, Fark...
 
2013-03-21 10:50:35 AM  
Ah, the olde Spentmiles thread.

/will sleep while chuckling tonight
 
2013-03-21 10:50:44 AM  
I have a tattoo of my penis on my penis...only bigger
 
2013-03-21 10:55:20 AM  

spentmiles: I'm your typical 85% straight white male, no diseases, decent shape, mid thirties, happily married, father of one child.  Money has been tight since the wife stopped worked to stay home with the little guy.  It's worth it to me, though every penny either goes to bills or savings.  And damn if there aren't a few toys that I'd like to get, which a few years ago, I wouldn't have hesitated to buy.  At the top of the list is new golf clubs, everything from putter to driver.  If you're a golfer, or just a consumer in general, you can probably relate to that brain disease that comes with wanting new clubs.  I know that it won't do anything to improve my game, but damn if I don't want them.  It'd cost me about $2000 for everything.

I have never had anal sex performed on me, not by man or rabid animal.  I'm not against it or anything, but it's just never appealed to me.  Now, I've seen news stories about hot, young eighteen year old girls selling their vaginal virginity.  I don't know how much they get, but probably ten grand or so, all for a few hours of work.  Not bad if it doesn't displease your morals.

I'm not particularly moral myself.  I've spit in a few Meals on Wheels for Seniors deliveries when I was doing community service for a drunk driving charge.  I've poured a gallon of paint into a neighbor's noisy air conditioner.  I've poisoned nuisance animals.  I don't really understand the big deal about prison rape.  I don't want to seem like a monster, because I've done a lot of nice things in my time too, but just to explain myself here, I'm not above taking it up the ass for money.  Not regularly, like turning tricks, but once or twice, or for however long it stays tight enough to seem virginal.  The big part there, I guess, will be the screaming.  I think guys know when girls fake orgasms and when guys fake anal sex pain.  I would.

So, do you think there's somebody out there who would pay a few grand to pound me up the shiat box?  Any farkers?  I'd even just take ...


I'm so glad that today was the day I decided to visit Fark for a few minutes before work.
 
2013-03-21 10:58:38 AM  
That dude has red eyes.
 
2013-03-21 11:11:35 AM  

spentmiles: I'm your typical 85% straight white male, no diseases, decent shape, mid thirties, happily married, father of one child.  Money has been tight since the wife stopped worked to stay home with the little guy.  It's worth it to me, though every penny either goes to bills or savings.  And damn if there aren't a few toys that I'd like to get, which a few years ago, I wouldn't have hesitated to buy.  At the top of the list is new golf clubs, everything from putter to driver.  If you're a golfer, or just a consumer in general, you can probably relate to that brain disease that comes with wanting new clubs.  I know that it won't do anything to improve my game, but damn if I don't want them.  It'd cost me about $2000 for everything.

I have never had anal sex performed on me, not by man or rabid animal.  I'm not against it or anything, but it's just never appealed to me.  Now, I've seen news stories about hot, young eighteen year old girls selling their vaginal virginity.  I don't know how much they get, but probably ten grand or so, all for a few hours of work.  Not bad if it doesn't displease your morals.

I'm not particularly moral myself.  I've spit in a few Meals on Wheels for Seniors deliveries when I was doing community service for a drunk driving charge.  I've poured a gallon of paint into a neighbor's noisy air conditioner.  I've poisoned nuisance animals.  I don't really understand the big deal about prison rape.  I don't want to seem like a monster, because I've done a lot of nice things in my time too, but just to explain myself here, I'm not above taking it up the ass for money.  Not regularly, like turning tricks, but once or twice, or for however long it stays tight enough to seem virginal.  The big part there, I guess, will be the screaming.  I think guys know when girls fake orgasms and when guys fake anal sex pain.  I would.

So, do you think there's somebody out there who would pay a few grand to pound me up the shiat box?  Any farkers?  I'd even just take the clubs in lieu of the money if you wanted to convince yourself it was a "gift" instead of payment.


And so it came to light that spent miles is Ned Garvin, male prostitute. Please help him with his elaborate system of trusses.
 
2013-03-21 11:17:27 AM  

MythDragon: His penis and buttocks are also off limits - that is, unless the price is right. "I'd need $1 million to do that," he said


Sure thing. Let me drop a million bucks on an "ad" that will be forever invisible...even to the meth-addled $10 hookers who can't bring themselves to even look at his shriveled unit while they're giving him a dry, unenthusiastic tugger in a gas station toilet stall.

Seems like a solid investment.
 
2013-03-21 11:24:03 AM  

spentmiles: I'm your typical 85% straight white male, no diseases, decent shape, mid thirties, happily married, father of one child.  Money has been tight since the wife stopped worked to stay home with the little guy.  It's worth it to me, though every penny either goes to bills or savings.  And damn if there aren't a few toys that I'd like to get, which a few years ago, I wouldn't have hesitated to buy.  At the top of the list is new golf clubs, everything from putter to driver.  If you're a golfer, or just a consumer in general, you can probably relate to that brain disease that comes with wanting new clubs.  I know that it won't do anything to improve my game, but damn if I don't want them.  It'd cost me about $2000 for everything.

I have never had anal sex performed on me, not by man or rabid animal.  I'm not against it or anything, but it's just never appealed to me.  Now, I've seen news stories about hot, young eighteen year old girls selling their vaginal virginity.  I don't know how much they get, but probably ten grand or so, all for a few hours of work.  Not bad if it doesn't displease your morals.

I'm not particularly moral myself.  I've spit in a few Meals on Wheels for Seniors deliveries when I was doing community service for a drunk driving charge.  I've poured a gallon of paint into a neighbor's noisy air conditioner.  I've poisoned nuisance animals.  I don't really understand the big deal about prison rape.  I don't want to seem like a monster, because I've done a lot of nice things in my time too, but just to explain myself here, I'm not above taking it up the ass for money.  Not regularly, like turning tricks, but once or twice, or for however long it stays tight enough to seem virginal.  The big part there, I guess, will be the screaming.  I think guys know when girls fake orgasms and when guys fake anal sex pain.  I would.

So, do you think there's somebody out there who would pay a few grand to pound me up the shiat box?  Any farkers?  I'd even just take ...


Why not ask your wife's boyfriend? He'll be using the clubs while you're at work anyway.
 
2013-03-21 11:26:46 AM  

spentmiles: I'm your typical 85% straight white male, no diseases, decent shape, mid thirties, happily married, father of one child.  Money has been tight since the wife stopped worked to stay home with the little guy.  It's worth it to me, though every penny either goes to bills or savings.  And damn if there aren't a few toys that I'd like to get, which a few years ago, I wouldn't have hesitated to buy.  At the top of the list is new golf clubs, everything from putter to driver.  If you're a golfer, or just a consumer in general, you can probably relate to that brain disease that comes with wanting new clubs.  I know that it won't do anything to improve my game, but damn if I don't want them.  It'd cost me about $2000 for everything.

I have never had anal sex performed on me, not by man or rabid animal.  I'm not against it or anything, but it's just never appealed to me.  Now, I've seen news stories about hot, young eighteen year old girls selling their vaginal virginity.  I don't know how much they get, but probably ten grand or so, all for a few hours of work.  Not bad if it doesn't displease your morals.

I'm not particularly moral myself.  I've spit in a few Meals on Wheels for Seniors deliveries when I was doing community service for a drunk driving charge.  I've poured a gallon of paint into a neighbor's noisy air conditioner.  I've poisoned nuisance animals.  I don't really understand the big deal about prison rape.  I don't want to seem like a monster, because I've done a lot of nice things in my time too, but just to explain myself here, I'm not above taking it up the ass for money.  Not regularly, like turning tricks, but once or twice, or for however long it stays tight enough to seem virginal.  The big part there, I guess, will be the screaming.  I think guys know when girls fake orgasms and when guys fake anal sex pain.  I would.

So, do you think there's somebody out there who would pay a few grand to pound me up the shiat box?  Any farkers?  I'd even just take ...

 
2013-03-21 11:30:46 AM  
It's odd that his sponsors didn't require a contract that would make him refund the payment if he got the tattoos removed.
 
2013-03-21 11:35:20 AM  
Im not sure why people take a one time payment for this sort of thing. If it were me, I'd demand an annual stipend for as long as the tat was legible, say ten grand a year. With as many face tats as this guy has that wouldn't be a bad living.
 
2013-03-21 11:37:00 AM  
The upside of bipolar disorder is that he will be thrilled about them tomorrow.

- Trust me, I know.
 
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