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(Sauk Valley News)   "The man suspected of stealing a 42-inch TV from the Walmart Supercenter Saturday also might be a meat burglar"   (saukvalley.com) divider line 55
    More: Silly, Wal-Mart, The man suspected, burglary, meat burglar, thefts  
•       •       •

2117 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Mar 2013 at 12:28 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



55 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-03-21 12:30:03 AM  
New all-time favorite band name: Meat burglar.
 
2013-03-21 12:31:01 AM  
Hope she doesn't mess with my equipmunk.
 
2013-03-21 12:32:37 AM  
A hamburglar?
 
2013-03-21 12:32:50 AM  
I meat burglar all the time, its just a shame they kick me out of the bookstore for doing it
 
2013-03-21 12:33:40 AM  
What does him being gay have to do with stealing a tv?

/snark
 
2013-03-21 12:35:37 AM  
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-03-21 12:38:25 AM  
After they steal meat they drive around with it unrefrigerated in the back of whatever vehicle they have looking for a restaurant to sell it to.  This is why I avoid eating at any place near a Walmart.
 
2013-03-21 12:40:23 AM  
Leon Phelps?
 
2013-03-21 12:41:08 AM  

thorthor: New all-time favorite band name: Meat burglar.


Just as a follow-up, if I had a band with that name, my setlist would be: Meat; Phish>Meat; MOE.>...............? Any suggestions?

/Don't call me a hippie, my musical tastes are varied and eclectic.
 
2013-03-21 12:41:36 AM  
Four cents per pound.

That's what I got for Herman.
 
2013-03-21 12:42:08 AM  
blogs.citypages.com

APPROVES!!
 
HBK
2013-03-21 12:43:54 AM  
Because he stole two fine hams and slid them down the back of his daughter's dress?

/DNRTFA
 
2013-03-21 12:48:02 AM  
Oh please, that's nothing. Some dumbass stole a couple cases of beer and two car batteries from one of my local Walmarts before getting nicked. At least he had his priorities in order.
 
2013-03-21 12:58:23 AM  
it ain't the meat it's the motion
 
2013-03-21 12:58:26 AM  
Purloining pork loins?  Burgling beef?  Cozening cutlets?  Shoplifting shanks?
 
2013-03-21 01:05:08 AM  
Robble robble
 
2013-03-21 01:06:06 AM  

HBK: Because he stole two fine hams and slid them down the back of his daughter's dress?

/DNRTFA


I feel that movie is unfairly maligned and is in fact one of the best SNL movies.
 
2013-03-21 01:07:57 AM  
cdn.static.ovimg.com

/hot like a freshly grilled cheeseburger.
 
2013-03-21 01:17:57 AM  
Fano:
I feel that movie is unfairly maligned and is in fact one of the best SNL movies.

That's a bit like naming the most talented Spice Girl, the smartest cast member on Jersey Shore, the least-terrible skin disease, or the most attractive Judd other than Ashley.
 
2013-03-21 01:26:49 AM  
You know who else is a meat burglar?

thats right...
 
2013-03-21 01:31:42 AM  
archiearchive.files.wordpress.com

What a meat burglar might look like...
 
2013-03-21 01:32:26 AM  
that may be my favorite first paragraph ever written.  combined that with the animated .gif thejoe posted and my mind is officially blown.  Big thanks to everyone involved in making this thread possible, especially the meat burglars.  You know who you are out there.  You make the world go rockin' round.
 
2013-03-21 01:41:47 AM  

elguerodiablo: that may be my favorite first paragraph ever written.  combined that with the animated .gif thejoe posted and my mind is officially blown.  Big thanks to everyone involved in making this thread possible, especially the meat burglars.  You know who you are out there.  You make the world go rockin' round.


Am I the only one for whom the article trails off with ellipsis, and doesn't continue?

CSB time: One of my odd moments in Memphis was being at a Midtown Krogers. There was an offduty uniformed cop in the checkout lane over from me. Ahead of me in line were two people. One guy had checked out, and then he grabbed a pack of chicken from the woman checking out behind him. He then ran out of the store, and the metal dectector went off. The cop just stood there, but the 18 year old bag boy attempted to chase after him, and had to be brought back into the store by the manager. While I was still taking all of this in, the thief's girlfriend walked into the store and started shouting "why you be accusing mah man and shiat?" I don't think any charges were ever filed, certainly nothing was done.
 
2013-03-21 01:51:22 AM  

Fano: elguerodiablo: that may be my favorite first paragraph ever written.  combined that with the animated .gif thejoe posted and my mind is officially blown.  Big thanks to everyone involved in making this thread possible, especially the meat burglars.  You know who you are out there.  You make the world go rockin' round.

Am I the only one for whom the article trails off with ellipsis, and doesn't continue?

CSB time: One of my odd moments in Memphis was being at a Midtown Krogers. There was an offduty uniformed cop in the checkout lane over from me. Ahead of me in line were two people. One guy had checked out, and then he grabbed a pack of chicken from the woman checking out behind him. He then ran out of the store, and the metal dectector went off. The cop just stood there, but the 18 year old bag boy attempted to chase after him, and had to be brought back into the store by the manager. While I was still taking all of this in, the thief's girlfriend walked into the store and started shouting "why you be accusing mah man and shiat?" I don't think any charges were ever filed, certainly nothing was done.


The chicken set the metal detector off?
 
2013-03-21 01:54:46 AM  
 
2013-03-21 01:56:10 AM  
we call them associates here
 
2013-03-21 02:02:45 AM  

Porndip Poonpat: Fano: elguerodiablo: that may be my favorite first paragraph ever written.  combined that with the animated .gif thejoe posted and my mind is officially blown.  Big thanks to everyone involved in making this thread possible, especially the meat burglars.  You know who you are out there.  You make the world go rockin' round.

Am I the only one for whom the article trails off with ellipsis, and doesn't continue?

CSB time: One of my odd moments in Memphis was being at a Midtown Krogers. There was an offduty uniformed cop in the checkout lane over from me. Ahead of me in line were two people. One guy had checked out, and then he grabbed a pack of chicken from the woman checking out behind him. He then ran out of the store, and the metal dectector went off. The cop just stood there, but the 18 year old bag boy attempted to chase after him, and had to be brought back into the store by the manager. While I was still taking all of this in, the thief's girlfriend walked into the store and started shouting "why you be accusing mah man and shiat?" I don't think any charges were ever filed, certainly nothing was done.

The chicken set the metal detector off?


I used the wrong term and misspelled it besides. Apparently their packages of chicken breasts had one of those chips like they put in books to deter shoplifting. I left out one fun part of the story: when the guy walked through the security gate and the alarm went off, he turned around and shouted "I DINT STEAL NUTHIN!"

/I have a lot of inexplicable Memphis crime stories
 
2013-03-21 02:20:58 AM  
Oddly enough, he reminds me of:

www.trekkies.cz
 
2013-03-21 02:21:51 AM  
Oh okay. I thought it was one of those newfangled cyborg chickens.
 
2013-03-21 02:30:10 AM  
Billy Corgan, say it aint so!
 
2013-03-21 02:30:45 AM  

Apos: Oddly enough, he reminds me of:

[www.trekkies.cz image 431x423]


He was just a Latinum burglar
 
2013-03-21 02:56:42 AM  
Why was I ordered to answer survey questions to keep reading?
 
2013-03-21 03:01:28 AM  

Gosling: Why was I ordered to answer survey questions to keep reading?


Because you're so cute and smart and special.
 
2013-03-21 03:15:04 AM  

Farktastic: After they steal meat they drive around with it unrefrigerated in the back of whatever vehicle they have looking for a restaurant to sell it to.  This is why I avoid eating at any place near a Walmart.


Are you retarded?
 
2013-03-21 03:30:23 AM  
barfblog.com

Security photo that was recently released...
 
2013-03-21 03:40:34 AM  

Fano: elguerodiablo: that may be my favorite first paragraph ever written.  combined that with the animated .gif thejoe posted and my mind is officially blown.  Big thanks to everyone involved in making this thread possible, especially the meat burglars.  You know who you are out there.  You make the world go rockin' round.

Am I the only one for whom the article trails off with ellipsis, and doesn't continue?

CSB time: One of my odd moments in Memphis was being at a Midtown Krogers. There was an offduty uniformed cop in the checkout lane over from me. Ahead of me in line were two people. One guy had checked out, and then he grabbed a pack of chicken from the woman checking out behind him. He then ran out of the store, and the metal dectector went off. The cop just stood there, but the 18 year old bag boy attempted to chase after him, and had to be brought back into the store by the manager. While I was still taking all of this in, the thief's girlfriend walked into the store and started shouting "why you be accusing mah man and shiat?" I don't think any charges were ever filed, certainly nothing was done.


Could have been worse.  Worked for a small regional grocery chain in WA state about 20 years ago and heard a story of a bag boy chasing a shoplifter out of the store and getting his face slashed with a box cutter for his troubles.  After that, a company-wide memo got sent out stating that once a suspected shoplifter made it outside the door, they were not to be apprehended.

One more story...

Worked with another guy who transferred to a 24-hour store around the Seattle area. One night, while throwing freight, the alarm to the back door - which was next to the beer cooler - went off, so he and another guy raced to the back and my friend was able to tackle the shoplifter.  During the struggle, the shoplifter was reaching inside his coat when the other employee came up and punched the shoplifter in the face, knocking him out.  That was when they found the gun in the shoplifters coat.  Less than a week later, my friend was working back at his old store.
 
2013-03-21 03:59:08 AM  
That reminds me of the time I was at a 7-11 on Colfax in Denver.  While I was waiting in line a crazy homeless guy who was arguing loudly with someone/thing in his head walked in and filled up a mug of coffee and walked right out.  The clerk looks at me and tells me to go stop him.  I just laughed at her and told her I'm not taking a face full of hot coffee so 7-11 doesn't lose 3 cents worth of brown hot water.  Which pissed the clerk off so she got all righteous and was all how can you just stand there and watch a crime happen.  So I said she was the one who worked there why didn't she go stop him if she cared so much about a cup of coffee.  Plus that guy was obviously crazy so you know the first thing he'd do is throw it right in your face.  So she just said she was the only one working so she couldn't leave the register.  She always gave me the stinkeye whenever I went in there after that too.  People are stupid.
 
2013-03-21 04:12:34 AM  
At least he wasn't a banana burglar.
 
2013-03-21 04:41:02 AM  

thorthor: New all-time favorite band name: Meat burglar.



Reminds me of my favorite: Turd Smuggler
 
2013-03-21 04:59:22 AM  

Mini Ditka: thorthor: New all-time favorite band name: Meat burglar.


Reminds me of my favorite: Turd Smuggler


Yeah... ill stick with Meat Burglar, thanks.
 
db2
2013-03-21 06:56:37 AM  
Turd burglar status still undetermined.
 
2013-03-21 07:48:45 AM  
I will be cackling all day whenever I think of 'meat burglar'.
 
2013-03-21 08:25:44 AM  

Porndip Poonpat: Oh okay. I thought it was one of those newfangled cyborg chickens.


www.sitcomsonline.com
 
2013-03-21 08:55:58 AM  
Nice to see my hometown make Fark.
 
2013-03-21 09:34:54 AM  
42-inch TV?

What's the meaning of life, the universe, and 'meat-burger'?
 
2013-03-21 10:05:30 AM  

Insurgent: [cdn.static.ovimg.com image 354x201]

/hot like a freshly grilled cheeseburger.


alienated: Wanted for questioning :
Ricky and Julian beat the meat dicks while Bubbles is soooooo high. NSFW


Came for The Boys stealing meat.  Leaving with the munchies.
 
2013-03-21 10:25:31 AM  

Fano: Porndip Poonpat: Fano: elguerodiablo: that may be my favorite first paragraph ever written.  combined that with the animated .gif thejoe posted and my mind is officially blown.  Big thanks to everyone involved in making this thread possible, especially the meat burglars.  You know who you are out there.  You make the world go rockin' round.

Am I the only one for whom the article trails off with ellipsis, and doesn't continue?

CSB time: One of my odd moments in Memphis was being at a Midtown Krogers. There was an offduty uniformed cop in the checkout lane over from me. Ahead of me in line were two people. One guy had checked out, and then he grabbed a pack of chicken from the woman checking out behind him. He then ran out of the store, and the metal dectector went off. The cop just stood there, but the 18 year old bag boy attempted to chase after him, and had to be brought back into the store by the manager. While I was still taking all of this in, the thief's girlfriend walked into the store and started shouting "why you be accusing mah man and shiat?" I don't think any charges were ever filed, certainly nothing was done.

The chicken set the metal detector off?

I used the wrong term and misspelled it besides. Apparently their packages of chicken breasts had one of those chips like they put in books to deter shoplifting. I left out one fun part of the story: when the guy walked through the security gate and the alarm went off, he turned around and shouted "I DINT STEAL NUTHIN!"

/I have a lot of inexplicable Memphis crime stories


A. I think you made up the story.

B. This being fark, I think if your story had the cop tackle the thief over five bucks worth of chicken everyone would be calling police brutality.
 
2013-03-21 11:13:34 AM  

Smackledorfer: Fano: Porndip Poonpat: Fano: elguerodiablo: that may be my favorite first paragraph ever written.  combined that with the animated .gif thejoe posted and my mind is officially blown.  Big thanks to everyone involved in making this thread possible, especially the meat burglars.  You know who you are out there.  You make the world go rockin' round.

Am I the only one for whom the article trails off with ellipsis, and doesn't continue?

CSB time: One of my odd moments in Memphis was being at a Midtown Krogers. There was an offduty uniformed cop in the checkout lane over from me. Ahead of me in line were two people. One guy had checked out, and then he grabbed a pack of chicken from the woman checking out behind him. He then ran out of the store, and the metal dectector went off. The cop just stood there, but the 18 year old bag boy attempted to chase after him, and had to be brought back into the store by the manager. While I was still taking all of this in, the thief's girlfriend walked into the store and started shouting "why you be accusing mah man and shiat?" I don't think any charges were ever filed, certainly nothing was done.

The chicken set the metal detector off?

I used the wrong term and misspelled it besides. Apparently their packages of chicken breasts had one of those chips like they put in books to deter shoplifting. I left out one fun part of the story: when the guy walked through the security gate and the alarm went off, he turned around and shouted "I DINT STEAL NUTHIN!"

/I have a lot of inexplicable Memphis crime stories

A. I think you made up the story.

B. This being fark, I think if your story had the cop tackle the thief over five bucks worth of chicken everyone would be calling police brutality.


Nope, really happened. What part is implausible? His woman coming back in to shout at the staff?
 
2013-03-21 11:18:55 AM  

Fano: Smackledorfer: Fano: Porndip Poonpat: Fano: elguerodiablo: that may be my favorite first paragraph ever written.  combined that with the animated .gif thejoe posted and my mind is officially blown.  Big thanks to everyone involved in making this thread possible, especially the meat burglars.  You know who you are out there.  You make the world go rockin' round.

Am I the only one for whom the article trails off with ellipsis, and doesn't continue?

CSB time: One of my odd moments in Memphis was being at a Midtown Krogers. There was an offduty uniformed cop in the checkout lane over from me. Ahead of me in line were two people. One guy had checked out, and then he grabbed a pack of chicken from the woman checking out behind him. He then ran out of the store, and the metal dectector went off. The cop just stood there, but the 18 year old bag boy attempted to chase after him, and had to be brought back into the store by the manager. While I was still taking all of this in, the thief's girlfriend walked into the store and started shouting "why you be accusing mah man and shiat?" I don't think any charges were ever filed, certainly nothing was done.

The chicken set the metal detector off?

I used the wrong term and misspelled it besides. Apparently their packages of chicken breasts had one of those chips like they put in books to deter shoplifting. I left out one fun part of the story: when the guy walked through the security gate and the alarm went off, he turned around and shouted "I DINT STEAL NUTHIN!"

/I have a lot of inexplicable Memphis crime stories

A. I think you made up the story.

B. This being fark, I think if your story had the cop tackle the thief over five bucks worth of chicken everyone would be calling police brutality.

Nope, really happened. What part is implausible? His woman coming back in to shout at the staff?


Every part. From the change of metal detector to a chip scanner to the cop present right there to the stereotyped blacks.

Is it possible it's true? Of course. Likely? Nah. Fitting of a made up tale for attention on fark? Perfectly.
 
2013-03-21 11:45:12 AM  

Insurgent: [cdn.static.ovimg.com image 354x201]

/hot like a freshly grilled cheeseburger.


Heeey boys, wanna buy some trout?!
 
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