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(Uproxx)   A comprehensive guide to all the totally reasonable and not at all insane conspiracies about Hollywood, TV, and the Illuminati currently fl   (uproxx.com) divider line 57
    More: Interesting, Hollywood, human beings, Danielle Fishel, Pretty Little Liars, Katt Williams, illuminati, secret organizations, Martin Lawrence  
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4515 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 20 Mar 2013 at 3:49 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-20 12:42:28 PM
There's a metric farkton of crazy in that article.

"According to, Anne Hathaway's decision to expose her breasts in a couple of film roles was an Illuminati ritual that led to the shootings in Aurora, Colorado during aThe Dark Knight screening. When Anne Hathaway unwittingly revealing her vagina to paparazzi last year, that was a coded message that led to the Newton, CT shootings. She was rewarded with an Oscar."

"Walt Disney was a leading figure of the Illuminati, and used his empire to disseminate his Satanic messages (Mickey Mouse was modeled after his likeness). Walt Disney's interest in children was not altruistic; he was a pedophile, a lover snuff porn films, and he uses Illuminati symbols to control the minds of children and indoctrinate them into his Occult."
 
2013-03-20 02:30:41 PM

Stan Lee's Ghost: There's a metric farkton of crazy in that article.

"According to, Anne Hathaway's decision to expose her breasts in a couple of film roles was an Illuminati ritual that led to the shootings in Aurora, Colorado during aThe Dark Knight screening. When Anne Hathaway unwittingly revealing her vagina to paparazzi last year, that was a coded message that led to the Newton, CT shootings. She was rewarded with an Oscar."



/sounds legit
 
2013-03-20 02:30:49 PM
Wow that's a whole lotta crazy in one page.
 
2013-03-20 02:40:06 PM
Oh Anne Hathaway's vagina, is there anything you can't do?

/What's odd is that is not the first time I've ever said that.
 
2013-03-20 02:42:59 PM
Kristin Stewart Sexually Initiated by Jodie Foster

Oh yeah.

This event took place a few months before Jodie Foster and Kristen Stewart started filming the Panic Room Film


Oh no.
 
2013-03-20 03:12:07 PM
my manager, rick, is always busting my balls about leaving sh*t in the fryer for too long and coming in late sometimes. last week he gave me a second warning and took me off the schedule. it's so obvious that rick and his illuminati brothers are just scared that i'm getting too close to the truth. I'M ON TO YOU RICK
 
2013-03-20 03:25:43 PM
Walt Disney's interest in children was not altruistic; he was a pedophile, a lover snuff porn films,

Did they even HAVE snuff porn films back in Walt Disney's day?
 
2013-03-20 03:39:57 PM
Oh c'mon, screw this Illuminati crapola, everyone knows the Jews run Hollywood!...
 
2013-03-20 03:53:48 PM

gopher321: Oh c'mon, screw this Illuminati crapola, everyone knows the Jews run Hollywood!...


Shia Laboeuf and Amanda Seifreid continue to get work.  That's all you need to know about that.
 
2013-03-20 03:58:03 PM
Thread needs more New World Order whargarbl.
 
2013-03-20 03:59:42 PM

GlobalStrategic MapleSyrup Reserve: Thread needs more New World Order whargarbl.


f*ck the police - comin straight from the underground. young ni**a got it bad cause i'm brown and not the other color, so police think they have the authority to kill a minority.
 
2013-03-20 04:05:06 PM

whistleridge: Walt Disney's interest in children was not altruistic; he was a pedophile, a lover snuff porn films,

Did they even HAVE snuff porn films back in Walt Disney's day?


They don't have them now, really.  They're an invention of pearl clutchers, like rainbow parties and satanic day care ritual abuse.
 
2013-03-20 04:06:45 PM
FTA:"...and according to Randy Quaid... Quaid also believes these "Hollywood Insiders" or "star whackers" (or Illuminati) control the banking system, had David Carradine and Chris Penn killed, and is targeting him, which is why he fled to Canada."

Normally I accept the statements of the star of Christmas Vacation 2 as irrefutable fact, but everyone know David Carradine was killed by the secret ninja society he was documenting.

I'm also proud to note that as a nation Canada turned down Quaid's plea for asylum. If he dies of a suspicious speedball overdose I'll re-evaluate my stance on this.
 
2013-03-20 04:08:02 PM
Stopped reading right around here.....

cdn.uproxx.com
 
2013-03-20 04:20:45 PM
When Tom Wopat fists your cat, he opens a two-way radio for speaking with God.
 
2013-03-20 04:27:30 PM
i.chzbgr.com
 
2013-03-20 04:31:27 PM
Yes, yes, everything is CRAAAAAAZY if the TV don't vet it.
 
2013-03-20 04:44:24 PM
Fundamentalist types just love their Illuminati theories.
 
2013-03-20 05:12:21 PM
Years ago while reading a GI Joe comic there was a part about how Cobra was producing sit coms to make people stupid. Still gives me a giggle.
 
2013-03-20 05:17:23 PM
The second 6 in the Walt Disney logo's 666 doesn't even look like a 6. Quite a stretch there.
 
2013-03-20 05:19:23 PM

groppet: Years ago while reading a GI Joe comic there was a part about how Cobra was producing sit coms to make people stupid. Still gives me a giggle.


Awesome. The fact that it kind of just happened on it's own in the real world is boring. It's better if an evil organization was behind it.

Imagine the clandestine meetings. "I we follow this plan, in 50 years the population will have reached Peak Dumb. Then we make our move and rule over the imbeciles!"
 
2013-03-20 05:19:38 PM
Much easier to blame things on a secret society of entertainers than to delve into the secret society of high level banking officials and government officials.
 
2013-03-20 05:27:21 PM

Bonkthat_Again: Much easier to blame things on a secret society of entertainers than to delve into the secret society of high level banking officials and government officials.


The banking/government one is not even a secret. People are just dumb and distracted, thanks to the secret society of entertainers.
 
2013-03-20 05:54:09 PM
I'm guessing the Illuminati were behind cutting off that headline.
 
2013-03-20 05:57:26 PM
Take a look at what's in theaters; fairy tales, stage magicians, and the merry old land of Oz. Just what is your secret agenda, Hollywood?
 
2013-03-20 05:58:14 PM

FarkingReading: When Tom Wopat fists your cat, he opens a two-way radio for speaking with God.


Are we making this Tom Wopat thing a "thing" because I am all for it.
 
2013-03-20 06:02:25 PM

LowbrowDeluxe: whistleridge: Walt Disney's interest in children was not altruistic; he was a pedophile, a lover snuff porn films,

Did they even HAVE snuff porn films back in Walt Disney's day?

They don't have them now, really.  They're an invention of pearl clutchers, like rainbow parties and satanic day care ritual abuse.


The seedier side of the internet disagrees.
 
2013-03-20 06:06:03 PM

LowbrowDeluxe: whistleridge: Walt Disney's interest in children was not altruistic; he was a pedophile, a lover snuff porn films,

Did they even HAVE snuff porn films back in Walt Disney's day?

They don't have them now, really.  They're an invention of pearl clutchers, like rainbow parties and satanic day care ritual abuse.


Luca Magnotta disagrees.
 
2013-03-20 06:16:54 PM

whistleridge: Walt Disney's interest in children was not altruistic; he was a pedophile, a lover snuff porn films,

Did they even HAVE snuff porn films back in Walt Disney's day?


The Great White North
 
2013-03-20 06:21:00 PM
Who robs cave fish of their sight, who rigs every Oscar night?

Who made Steve Guttenberg a star?
 
2013-03-20 06:24:58 PM
A good conspiracy theory hovers at the edge of believability and fantasy. These all fell over the cliff.
 
2013-03-20 06:35:46 PM
No Saving Private Ryan, No respect for the entire list.

Fail
 
2013-03-20 06:36:23 PM
God damn it...
 
2013-03-20 06:39:09 PM
FTA on Dave Chappelle
....Apparently, Chappelle himself was forced out of the business because the $50 million contract he was offered by Comedy Central came with an important string attached:  Ritual Sodomy.

lol

/when keepin' it real goes wrong
 
2013-03-20 06:48:27 PM
Given the purported Hip Hop connection, the Crono-Trigger/Jay-Z mashup linked on the sidebar made great reading theme-music for TFA.
 
2013-03-20 07:06:09 PM

yyrkoon: God damn it...


We're on to you and your Illuminati ways. Posting on the wrong thread is classic Illuminati strategy.
 
2013-03-20 07:13:37 PM
WTF did I just read? Who comes up with this crap? Last I remember only Dan Brown was talking about the Illuminati. I'm so out of touch. Or old.

/Definitely old.
 
2013-03-20 07:26:29 PM
The article was just the tip of the crazy iceberg. If you really want a mind rotting amount of crazy, just cruise the Vigilant Citizen page that the article mentions. Come for the crazy conspiracies, stay for the batshiat insane comments.
 
2013-03-20 07:27:06 PM
Is it weird that I kinda half-wish all that was true, just for the lulz?
 
2013-03-20 07:51:52 PM
Everybody knows it's the stonecutters that run Hollywood.  How else does Steve Guttenberg keep getting roles?

This is the part of my post where I make a Freemason joke:

A man comes home late at night from his initiation.  His wife greets him at the door.
"So honey, how was it?
"Well", he replied.  "It was very interesting.  I learned there are three kinds of men who join the Masons"
"Three kinds?  How so" she asked.
"There are the walkers.  They walk around a lot.  Then there are the talkers.  They just sit there and talk a lot.  Then there are the holy men.  They must be higher up because they're all old.  What they do is sit there muttering 'oh God' all night long"

/one of the walkers when I'm not on the sidelines
 
2013-03-20 08:45:43 PM
Dammit, subby, that's not how you do a Candlejack jo
 
2013-03-20 09:31:09 PM

gopher321: Oh c'mon, screw this Illuminati crapola, everyone knows the Jews run Hollywood!...


There's no conspiracy there, it's just simple math. It's no more racist to point that out than mentioning that most US Presidents are white male Christians. I work in Hollywood and I don't mind it. But don't get all pissy when someone jokes about it.
 
2013-03-20 09:35:33 PM
That Shay Mitchell and Ashley Benson exchange looked like they were sharing an in-joke.  That Illuminati claim looked like it wasn't supposed to be taken seriously.
But it was, because everything a celebrity does has to be dissected to death.
 
2013-03-20 09:36:01 PM

Mugato: gopher321: Oh c'mon, screw this Illuminati crapola, everyone knows the Jews run Hollywood!...

There's no conspiracy there, it's just simple math. It's no more racist to point that out than mentioning that most US Presidents are white male Christians. I work in Hollywood and I don't mind it. But don't get all pissy when someone jokes about it.


Have you heard about a low budget project called The Olympians being filmed in Port Angeles, WA?  A small time actor I used to go to school with in that town is involved.  From the looks of it they might have something on their hands.
 
2013-03-20 09:45:44 PM

Smeggy Smurf: Have you heard about a low budget project called The Olympians being filmed in Port Angeles, WA? A small time actor I used to go to school with in that town is involved. From the looks of it they might have something on their hands.


If I thought I could make it to WA, I'd do anything they needed during shooting. Limited by geography for the time being.  I could help with post production. Editing, graphics, etc.
 
2013-03-20 10:00:11 PM

Mugato: Smeggy Smurf: Have you heard about a low budget project called The Olympians being filmed in Port Angeles, WA? A small time actor I used to go to school with in that town is involved. From the looks of it they might have something on their hands.

If I thought I could make it to WA, I'd do anything they needed during shooting. Limited by geography for the time being.  I could help with post production. Editing, graphics, etc.


They have a facebook page.  I figured I'd pass it along if you might be interested.
 
2013-03-20 10:04:13 PM
www.scifinow.co.uk

Where's the fun in that?!
 
2013-03-21 12:37:56 AM
farm8.staticflickr.com
 
2013-03-21 12:38:36 AM

scalpod: [www.scifinow.co.uk image 165x250]

Where's the fun in that?!


As a non-dues paying member of the Knight Templar (long story, will resume my Templar duties in 2020) and a Freemason in good standing in not only Idaho but Washington as well as the only Freemason currently posting in this thread (trust me, I know who we are)...

The fun is in trying to take over the world ala Pinky & the Brain but not being able to for lack of ability to put on a halfway decent dinner for the stated meeting.  We try but sheesh, have you ever tried to get 60 men to agree on anything regarding food?  Let alone on how to take over the world.  The trash would never get picked up.  It would be mass chaos if we ran the world.  Have you seen a picture of the average lodge?  The economy would run on prune juice if we ran things.  

Capital City #93 in Boise, ID is a fairly young lodge but our mean age is roughly 60.  I'm not getting any younger.  I'm 36.  Been in 9 years already.  I can see my 50 year pin coming along before I know it.  We can't run the world.  We can barely get up the gumption to take a wizz at will.

But never forget, we know people.  We teach the leaders of the world.  We may not run thing but we sure did teach those that do.
 
2013-03-21 01:38:23 AM

LowbrowDeluxe: whistleridge: Walt Disney's interest in children was not altruistic; he was a pedophile, a lover snuff porn films,

Did they even HAVE snuff porn films back in Walt Disney's day?

They don't have them now, really.  They're an invention of pearl clutchers, like rainbow parties and satanic day care ritual abuse.


uh, one_guy_one_icepick.mpeg would like a word with you...
 
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