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(io9)   The most incompetent evil henchmen of all time. No, not Joe Biden   (io9.com) divider line 72
    More: Interesting, henchman, henchmen, Peter Serafinowicz, Darth Maul, TMNT, Skeletor, Lex Luthor, Naboo  
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5537 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 20 Mar 2013 at 8:58 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-20 08:20:32 AM  
Well, at least Otis was on the list.

Of course, I blame his incompetence on that time he was ass raped by hillbillies somewhere near Otisburg.

www.millionaireplayboy.com
 
2013-03-20 08:33:18 AM  
Oh, come on, Biden's not evil.
 
2013-03-20 08:48:38 AM  

Nabb1: Oh, come on, Biden's not evil.


Now, you listen here, he's not a henchman, he's a very naughty boy!
 
2013-03-20 08:50:49 AM  
www.bristol247.com
Now with an appropriate pic.
 
2013-03-20 08:53:47 AM  
Henchmen 21 and 24, The Venture Bros.

i896.photobucket.com

"What did you just say about 24?"
 
2013-03-20 08:55:29 AM  
Starcream's ambition certainly exceeded his ability.. but I liked him anyway.

Darth Maul.. well, who knows what the rest of his life went like.

Otis.. oh yeah, winner right there.
 
2013-03-20 09:02:40 AM  
Otisburg?
i17.photobucket.com
It's a little bitty place.
 
2013-03-20 09:04:33 AM  
upload.wikimedia.org
 
2013-03-20 09:09:01 AM  
sharetv.org
I'm gonna fark you in the ass. NTTAWWT
 
2013-03-20 09:10:28 AM  
Incompetent you say?
 
2013-03-20 09:10:54 AM  

Nabb1: Oh, come on, Biden's not evil.


Agreed. I would put him as a rogue like Han Solo. In fact, I can so see Biden piloting the Millennium Falcon while blasting Earth, Wind and Fire much to Chewie's dismay. (He's more of a Zeppelin fan.)
 
2013-03-20 09:11:06 AM  
*scans list

Yep, Starscream right where he belongs
 
2013-03-20 09:12:39 AM  
sorry, darth maul killed Qui gon so that's something.

Also Grr had something like a piece of gum, a nickel, and a paperclip for his CPU so I'd say he was impressively competent given he didn't have an IQ.

/boooooorrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiittttttttooooooooosssss
 
2013-03-20 09:14:39 AM  

Dahnkster: [sharetv.org image 400x300]
I'm gonna fark you in the ass. NTTAWWT


The labor market for henchmen in Eternia was in quite a woeful state.
 
2013-03-20 09:16:55 AM  

thecpt: sorry, darth maul killed Qui gon so that's something.


That's what I thought too.  Just because Lucas and Co. utterly failed to develop him as a villian didn't make him an "incompetent" one.
 
2013-03-20 09:18:36 AM  
No love for the Manglaors?  Zorg will be pissed.
 
2013-03-20 09:18:54 AM  
Hack and slash were built by Megabyte, not evil Mainframe..
 
2013-03-20 09:19:03 AM  
mastertoons.com
 
2013-03-20 09:21:28 AM  
Link

/Maaaaaaxxxxxxxxx !!!!
 
2013-03-20 09:21:31 AM  

thecpt: sorry, darth maul killed Qui gon so that's something.

Also Grr had something like a piece of gum, a nickel, and a paperclip for his CPU so I'd say he was impressively competent given he didn't have an IQ.

/boooooorrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiittttttttooooooooosssss


That's "GIR"

Also, posted that picture before RTFA, and what do you know!
 
2013-03-20 09:24:44 AM  
trialx.com
 
2013-03-20 09:29:55 AM  

danielscissorhands: That's "GIR"


okay, well what does the "G" stand for?
 
2013-03-20 09:30:51 AM  
images.wikia.com
Oh, no, you did not just tell me to hench.
 
2013-03-20 09:31:11 AM  
Oh no, you did not just tell me to hench!
 
2013-03-20 09:31:13 AM  

danielscissorhands: Incompetent you say?


I'd say that guy was highly competent. He achieved everything he set out to do and left the whole world (especially the US) holding the bag.
 
2013-03-20 09:36:07 AM  
Any minion of any Johnny Quest villain.
 
2013-03-20 09:39:17 AM  
No Pinky?  For shame!
 
2013-03-20 09:42:55 AM  

thecpt: sorry, darth maul killed Qui gon so that's something.


Precisely. If you read up on Qui-Gon's history, he was supposed to be one of the best lightsaber fighters in the entire order, right up with Dooku, Yoda, and Mace Windu. Beating him is impressive
 
2013-03-20 09:43:54 AM  
The Star Wars book "Shadow Hunter", set right before The Phantom Menace was rather effective at making Darth Maul an effective and fearful baddie.  In many ways, Shadow Hunter would have been a better movie than Phantom Menace.
 
2013-03-20 09:46:35 AM  

scottydoesntknow: [trialx.com image 370x549]


He may be a toady, a suck-up (NTTAWWT), a syncophant and a communist, but 'incompetent'?

I'd say he's better qualified to run the plant than Ol' Burnsie.

// also, he can apparently code computer startup scripts/video
 
2013-03-20 09:50:21 AM  
Missing from the list:  Any of the henchmen from The Power Rangers and Voltron (wait, they are the same, aren't they?)
 
2013-03-20 09:51:37 AM  
There's some easy Bond villains in there.  Herb Villacez as "Nick Nack" isn't very menacing, and that dude with the dobermans in Moonraker was pretty pathetic.  There's also the fat, short dude in The Spy Who Loved Me, who gets shoved off a roof in a 8 second fight scene about 2 minutes into the movie.

Honorable Mention goes to the claw handed guy from Live and Let Die who doesn't even hang around to make sure Bond is eaten by alligators which leads to his boss's heroin factory getting blown up.  I expect that a competent henchman would just take Bond out back and shoot him.
 
2013-03-20 09:52:27 AM  

Dr Dreidel: scottydoesntknow: [trialx.com image 370x549]

He may be a toady, a suck-up (NTTAWWT), a syncophant and a communist, but 'incompetent'?

I'd say he's better qualified to run the plant than Ol' Burnsie.

// also, he can apparently code computer startup scripts/video


Well he's threatened to kill his boss once, and almost killed him twice in one episode.
 
2013-03-20 09:53:35 AM  
And don't forget Ma-Ma's dragon in Dredd, Caleb. Follows her around, issues commands, and literally gets thrown off a building in front of her, having accomplished nothing.
 
2013-03-20 09:54:03 AM  
Really it's just Excel that's incompetent. ACROSS managed to take over Fukuoka both in the manga and anime when Ilpalazzo  got rid of her, at least temporarily.
 
2013-03-20 09:59:53 AM  

scottydoesntknow: Dr Dreidel: scottydoesntknow: [trialx.com image 370x549]

He may be a toady, a suck-up (NTTAWWT), a syncophant and a communist, but 'incompetent'?

I'd say he's better qualified to run the plant than Ol' Burnsie.

// also, he can apparently code computer startup scripts/video

Well he's threatened to kill his boss once, and almost killed him twice in one episode.


But in the future, he tries to discover the cure for his boss' almost-fatal 17 stab wounds.

// they're up to 15!
 
2013-03-20 10:01:42 AM  
And how about every henchman in Mitchell?  Merlin Olsen loses in a fight to him and then fat, alcoholic Joe Don Baker manages to outsmart and outrun the three henchman (including the boss) working the heroin deal.
 
2013-03-20 10:08:33 AM  
No Boris and Natasha?
 
2013-03-20 10:09:29 AM  

Dr Dreidel: But in the future, he tries to discover the cure for his boss' almost-fatal 17 stab wounds.

// they're up to 15!


Hmmm now I'm wondering if they made headway with that. Her wedding was almost 3 years ago (August 1, 2010 to be exact). You'd think they're at least at 16 now.

/Now I'm wondering who stabbed him 17 times to begin with....
 
2013-03-20 10:12:43 AM  

Tyrone Slothrop: Really it's just Excel that's incompetent.


Word.
 
2013-03-20 10:22:54 AM  

scottydoesntknow: Dr Dreidel: But in the future, he tries to discover the cure for his boss' almost-fatal 17 stab wounds.

// they're up to 15!

Hmmm now I'm wondering if they made headway with that. Her wedding was almost 3 years ago (August 1, 2010 to be exact). You'd think they're at least at 16 now.

/Now I'm wondering who stabbed him 17 times to begin with....


Holy god, I knew that we'd catch up to the day eventually, but to have missed it - by 3 YEARS! - is kind of depressing.

// guessing Ooter, Martin Prince or the butterfly did the stabbing
// always the ones you least expect
 
2013-03-20 10:33:51 AM  
My kids watched the pokemon tv shows a bit lately, and honestly it strikes me that Jesse and James of team rocket are actually quite competent pokemon trainers, its their idiot schemes for stealing pokemon that always fail. So... I guess yeah theyre terrible badguys, but to say theyre stuck on the title screen is disingenuous. They know what theyre doing when it comes to pokemon.
 
2013-03-20 10:37:24 AM  

Snarfangel: Tyrone Slothrop: Really it's just Excel that's incompetent.

Word.


Write letters 'n shiat, yo.
 
2013-03-20 10:58:25 AM  
The Craw
 
2013-03-20 11:02:32 AM  
images1.wikia.nocookie.net

does this douchebag count?
 
2013-03-20 11:11:07 AM  
I've heard of like 2 of those.
 
2013-03-20 11:12:13 AM  
Henchmen 21 and 24, The Venture Bros.

www.troll.me
 
2013-03-20 11:24:45 AM  

TheOriginalEd: My kids watched the pokemon tv shows a bit lately, and honestly it strikes me that Jesse and James of team rocket are actually quite competent pokemon trainers, its their idiot schemes for stealing pokemon that always fail. So... I guess yeah theyre terrible badguys, but to say theyre stuck on the title screen is disingenuous. They know what theyre doing when it comes to pokemon.


There is actually an episode where they visit James childhood home, and he's apparently a near savant with taking care of pokemon.  Also an episode where team rocket ends up facing off against a pokemon poacher where they put their years of getting beat up by pikachu to use to hold off a Tyranitar so their pokemon can escape.

Err...My nie...neph...my friend's ki....okay I used to watch Pokemon a lot.
 
2013-03-20 11:31:48 AM  

thecpt: danielscissorhands: That's "GIR"

okay, well what does the "G" stand for?


garbage
 
2013-03-20 11:44:45 AM  
Everyone working for this organization:
4.bp.blogspot.com
 
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