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(CBS Atlanta)   Coca Cola to unveil Fruitwater next month. WARNING: Fruitwater® contains no fruit   ( atlanta.cbslocal.com) divider line
    More: Fail, Coca-Cola, warning sign, Beverage Digest, American Love, sweeteners, fruit juices  
•       •       •

10537 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Mar 2013 at 10:41 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



173 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-03-19 06:46:57 PM  
warning?  you're giving me a Talking Heads / Tenacious D SONG???
 
2013-03-19 06:51:57 PM  
Bet it has corn in it though.  4 servings of corn (syrup) in every bottle.
 
2013-03-19 07:55:41 PM  

Brontes: Bet it has corn in it though.  4 servings of corn (syrup) in every bottle.


Nope.
 
2013-03-19 08:02:27 PM  

ShawnDoc: Brontes: Bet it has corn in it though.  4 servings of corn (syrup) in every bottle.

Nope.


Aspartame?
 
2013-03-19 08:09:52 PM  

EvilEgg: ShawnDoc: Brontes: Bet it has corn in it though.  4 servings of corn (syrup) in every bottle.

Nope.

Aspartame?


Or sucralose.
 
2013-03-19 08:13:39 PM  
WARNING: Fruitwater® contains no water
 
2013-03-19 09:30:44 PM  
The Atlanta-based company confirmed Monday that it would introduce a line of zero-calorie, carbonated, fruit-flavored waters called "Fruitwater" starting April 1

Hmm...
 
2013-03-19 09:35:15 PM  
Flavored seltzer isn't low-calorie, fizzy, and vaguely fruity enough for most people?
 
2013-03-19 09:40:16 PM  
Fruitopiawater! The iced tea brewed by hippies but distributed by a heartless, multi-national corporation.
 
2013-03-19 10:08:34 PM  
Of course it doesn't have fruit. It's pronounced Frui Twater.

/with a short a.
 
2013-03-19 10:43:21 PM  
img232.imageshack.us
 
2013-03-19 10:44:10 PM  
Warning: Coca Cola has no Coke either.

/Just sayin'
 
2013-03-19 10:44:24 PM  
Ok, no fruit, but the real question is- does it have electrolytes ?
 
2013-03-19 10:44:34 PM  
Well why not.  Kroger already has their no fruit, no corn version
 
2013-03-19 10:45:00 PM  
 
2013-03-19 10:45:37 PM  

Snarfangel: Of course it doesn't have fruit. It's pronounced Frui Twater.

/with a short a


frui
Latin
Verb
fruī
present active infinitive of fruor

Verb
present active fruor, present infinitive fruī, perfect active fructus sum. (deponent)

I enjoy; I derive pleasure from.
 
2013-03-19 10:46:10 PM  
Just off hand, if you read the fine print, it also doesn't contain water.  They had to use hexane tro dissolve the :"flavor compounds".
 
2013-03-19 10:47:40 PM  

Betep: Warning: Coca Cola has no Coke either.

/Just sayin'


Warning: Baby powder has no babies.

/what a country
 
2013-03-19 10:49:07 PM  

Brontes: Bet it has corn in it though.  4 servings of corn (syrup) in every bottle.


Maybe it has high hydrogen oxygen syrup in it.
 
2013-03-19 10:49:15 PM  

RubberBabyBuggyBumpers: Warning: Baby powder has no babies.


Neither does baby oil.
 
2013-03-19 10:49:39 PM  
Wegmans sparkling water, orange, lemon, lime, and berry flavors, no sweetener, just whatever those flavors come from in a small amount. I can live with that for something more exciting than water or tea...
 
2013-03-19 10:50:41 PM  
Remember Frutopia?
 
2013-03-19 10:50:45 PM  

Snarfangel: Of course it doesn't have fruit. It's pronounced Frui Twater.

/with a short a.


It's particularly popular with people who are both analysts and therapists.
 
2013-03-19 10:51:28 PM  
I guess VitaminWater wasn't antioxtreeeeeme enough?
 
2013-03-19 10:51:41 PM  

Betep: Warning: Coca Cola has no Coke either.

/Just sayin'


Coca-cola has dihydrogen monoxide, one of the most dangerous chemicals known to man.
 
2013-03-19 10:52:03 PM  
lh5.googleusercontent.com

Approves.
 
2013-03-19 10:52:37 PM  
No Brawndo references?
 
2013-03-19 10:52:40 PM  
Seriously though, how hard is it to take some club soda, squirt some lime juice in it, and add sugar and/or stevia to it if you need the sweet?

People are retarded.
 
2013-03-19 10:53:37 PM  
Does anyone really grab a mass produced bottled beverage like this and expect it to have any fruit?  Next up, no vitamins in Vitaminwater, Mello Yello isn't mellow... and vaguely green instead of yellow.  Crazy world...
 
2013-03-19 10:53:38 PM  
About 5 years ago I found something called Fruit2o, and it was a sugar-free, fruit-flavored, non-carbonated drink.  It was awesome.  Then it got harder to find and I figured they discontinued it.  About that time Veryfine apparently got sold by Kraft and I guess the distribution changed.  I'll have to start looking for it again, it really was good.  Tasted liek actual fruit, not the normal soda version of fruit flavors.
 
2013-03-19 10:53:40 PM  

ladyfortuna: something more exciting than water


You think that water is boring?

Water is the source of all life! Seven-tenths of this Earth's surface is water.

Why, do you realize that 70 percent of you is water?
 
2013-03-19 10:53:41 PM  
Shouldn't that be FrootWater?
upload.wikimedia.org
 
2013-03-19 10:55:00 PM  

hardinparamedic: Betep: Warning: Coca Cola has no Coke either.

/Just sayin'

Coca-cola has dihydrogen monoxide, one of the most dangerous chemicals known to man.


Dangerous, yes, but used wisely it can improve athletic performance and put out fires. So sayeth this.
 
2013-03-19 10:55:08 PM  
I already have water with no fruit in it.

It comes outta my faucet.
 
2013-03-19 10:55:11 PM  

GoldDude: Shouldn't that be FrootWater?
[upload.wikimedia.org image 220x326]


Came in for this. Contains plenty of froot.
 
2013-03-19 10:55:26 PM  
Sounds like someone may have taunted Happy Fun Ball.
 
2013-03-19 10:55:53 PM  
Sounds like a recipe for failure.  People who actually give a damn about eating fruit are too smart to buy this crap, and people who would fall for it think fruit makes you gay.
 
2013-03-19 10:57:31 PM  
Call me when they invent Slurm...
 
2013-03-19 10:57:50 PM  
Some of these drinks contain purple.  Purple's a fruit.
 
2013-03-19 10:58:21 PM  
The appropriate term is HomosexualWater.
 
2013-03-19 10:58:38 PM  

GoldDude: Shouldn't that be FrootWater?


"PhreautWatür" looks more yogapants.
 
2013-03-19 10:58:41 PM  
It may not have fruit.

But it's got what plants crave.

/ Enjoy your Fruitwater, America!
 
2013-03-19 10:58:51 PM  
upload.wikimedia.org

Hopefully it's this stuff reborn...
 
2013-03-19 11:00:13 PM  

RubberBabyBuggyBumpers: hardinparamedic: Betep: Warning: Coca Cola has no Coke either.

/Just sayin'

Coca-cola has dihydrogen monoxide, one of the most dangerous chemicals known to man.

Dangerous, yes, but used wisely it can improve athletic performance and put out fires. So sayeth this.


Oh, so you need to foist that dangerous fire retardant on an unsuspecting public?
 
2013-03-19 11:00:36 PM  
Go southern, or Highfalutin fancy schmancy hotel.

pitcher of water plus orange slices floating in it.  Let them sit in there for a few hours maybe 6.  Shake it up if you feel the need.

Voila
 
2013-03-19 11:01:14 PM  

RubberBabyBuggyBumpers: Betep: Warning: Coca Cola has no Coke either.

/Just sayin'

Warning: Baby powder has no babies.

/what a country


Oh, this joke was used on Spongebob today.
 
2013-03-19 11:01:17 PM  

theorellior: Seriously though, how hard is it to take some club soda, squirt some lime juice in it, and add sugar and/or stevia to it if you need the sweet?

People are retarded.


This guy, he be a wizard.

karmaceutical: Does anyone really grab a mass produced bottled beverage like this and expect it to have any fruit?  Next up, no vitamins in Vitaminwater, Mello Yello isn't mellow... and vaguely green instead of yellow.  Crazy world...


You forgot Powerade, does not aid power or taste buds for that matter.
 
2013-03-19 11:02:44 PM  
cancer in a bottle.

no thanks.
 
2013-03-19 11:02:59 PM  
What the world wants today

Coca-Cola

Is the real thing.
 
2013-03-19 11:05:19 PM  
Fruits are not representative of the contents, but the segment of society to which it's marketed.
 
2013-03-19 11:06:59 PM  

SpdrJay: Call me when they invent Slurm...


fc01.deviantart.net
 
2013-03-19 11:07:13 PM  
Why does every farking thing need some kind of sweetener in it?
 
2013-03-19 11:07:28 PM  
I know for a fact that Gatorade contains neither alligators nor AIDS.
 
2013-03-19 11:07:37 PM  
What? Do they want to get married?
 
2013-03-19 11:10:56 PM  
Hardly a surprise.
 
2013-03-19 11:11:56 PM  

Billy Bathsalt: Why does every farking thing need some kind of sweetener in it?


Evolution.  It's the reward for packing calories.

Also reminds us of the breast milk we enjoyed as infants.
 
2013-03-19 11:13:56 PM  
Notice to consumers:

FRUITWATER IS 100% FRUIT   -


FREE!
 
2013-03-19 11:14:53 PM  

theorellior: RubberBabyBuggyBumpers: Warning: Baby powder has no babies.

Neither does baby oil.


Well, I'm not using that to fap anymore.
 
2013-03-19 11:15:37 PM  
AT NO POINT SHOULD YOU EVER ATTEMPT TO EAT ACTUAL FRUIT.
 
2013-03-19 11:18:18 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2013-03-19 11:21:17 PM  

theorellior: RubberBabyBuggyBumpers: Warning: Baby powder has no babies.

Neither does baby oil.


My homemade artisanal baby oil does!
 
2013-03-19 11:21:29 PM  

ModernLuddite: AT NO POINT SHOULD YOU EVER ATTEMPT TO EAT ACTUAL FRUIT.


I can buy a whole box of cereal for the price of 2 or 3 apples, and the apples are never even ripe and taste like fecking cardboard.
 
2013-03-19 11:22:21 PM  
So Coca Cola is gonna make Fruit2O? Mmmkay.
 
2013-03-19 11:25:24 PM  

sheep snorter: i.imgur.com


So on the one hand, it's really gay. But then, on the other hand, it contains sin gas, which is my favorite.
 
2013-03-19 11:25:57 PM  

R33tJaymzEn$0r: [upload.wikimedia.org image 250x212]

Hopefully it's this stuff reborn...


Can't say I was a huge fan of Fruitopia, but at least that stuff had real fruit in it and no artificial sweeteners.
 
2013-03-19 11:26:01 PM  

Suckmaster Burstingfoam: ModernLuddite: AT NO POINT SHOULD YOU EVER ATTEMPT TO EAT ACTUAL FRUIT.

I can buy a whole box of cereal for the price of 2 or 3 apples, and the apples are never even ripe and taste like fecking cardboard.


Sometimes the store puts the real apples next to those plastic display apples. Maybe you bought those instead?
 
2013-03-19 11:26:32 PM  

deadhomersociety.files.wordpress.com

 
2013-03-19 11:27:13 PM  

ThatGuyGreg: WARNING: Fruitwater® contains no water


Pretty much this.
 
2013-03-19 11:27:31 PM  

Billy Bathsalt: Why does every farking thing need some kind of sweetener in it?


Because our brains run on sugar, and sugar is addicting, so our brains tell our body we need more sugar when we get sugar, and the food industry knows this, so they sugar up our brains and get us addicted to sugar so we continue to buy their sugary products for our brain in higher and higher quantities.

/ sugar
//brains
 
2013-03-19 11:36:01 PM  

Why Would I Read the Article: / sugar
//brains


The zombies are gonna get diabetes.
 
2013-03-19 11:38:57 PM  

Betep: Warning: Coca Cola has no Coke either.

/Just sayin'


those were the days ...
 
2013-03-19 11:39:11 PM  

Why Would I Read the Article: Billy Bathsalt: Why does every farking thing need some kind of sweetener in it?

Because our brains run on sugar, and sugar is addicting, so our brains tell our body we need more sugar when we get sugar, and the food industry knows this, so they sugar up our brains and get us addicted to sugar so we continue to buy their sugary products for our brain in higher and higher quantities.

/ sugar
//brains


Why Would I Read the Article: Billy Bathsalt: Why does every farking thing need some kind of sweetener in it?

Because our brains run on sugar, and sugar is addicting, so our brains tell our body we need more sugar when we get sugar, and the food industry knows this, so they sugar up our brains and get us addicted to sugar so we continue to buy their sugary products for our brain in higher and higher quantities.

/ sugar
//brains


This post was very hard to read. I quit almost all sugar three days ago. It's a challenge for my sugar addicted self.
 
2013-03-19 11:40:02 PM  
  Fruitwater with no fruit?   Was this conceived by the marketing genius who made Muscle Milk with No Milk!
/also Created the 'by MENen' theme song

www.nextnature.net
 
2013-03-19 11:45:59 PM  
And? Five Alive contained no fruit juice, yet it had pulp.
 
2013-03-19 11:48:25 PM  

ModernLuddite: Suckmaster Burstingfoam: ModernLuddite: AT NO POINT SHOULD YOU EVER ATTEMPT TO EAT ACTUAL FRUIT.

I can buy a whole box of cereal for the price of 2 or 3 apples, and the apples are never even ripe and taste like fecking cardboard.

Sometimes the store puts the real apples next to those plastic display apples. Maybe you bought those instead?


No, the store only sells apples that were picked 2,000 miles away before they ever went ripe, and were then treated with chemicals to make them look ripe.
 
2013-03-19 11:49:04 PM  

doglover: [img232.imageshack.us image 720x478]


Stare Rocky, not the audience you worthless hacks!
 
2013-03-19 11:49:27 PM  
They must have gotten the name from Archie Bunker.
 
2013-03-19 11:49:33 PM  
Fruitopia was pretty good.
 
2013-03-19 11:52:07 PM  

jaybeezey: And? Five Alive contained no fruit juice, yet it had pulp.


is... is this true...
 
2013-03-19 11:53:36 PM  

RubberBabyBuggyBumpers: Betep: Warning: Coca Cola has no Coke either.

/Just sayin'

Warning: Baby powder has no babies.

/what a country


And Girl Scout cookies contain absolutely no Girl Scouts.
 
2013-03-19 11:56:10 PM  

theorellior: Seriously though, how hard is it to take some club soda, squirt some lime juice in it, and add sugar and/or stevia to it if you need the sweet?

People are retarded.


You underestimate America's love of ready to drink bottled beverages. For at home consumption, you are spot-on.

karmaceutical: Does anyone really grab a mass produced bottled beverage like this and expect it to have any fruit?  Next up, no vitamins in Vitaminwater, Mello Yello isn't mellow... and vaguely green instead of yellow.  Crazy world...


Vitaminwater has vitamins added. It also has a slew of other ingredients that made be go back to drinking Coke.
 
2013-03-19 11:58:54 PM  

katerbug72: Why Would I Read the Article: Billy Bathsalt: Why does every farking thing need some kind of sweetener in it?

Because our brains run on sugar, and sugar is addicting, so our brains tell our body we need more sugar when we get sugar, and the food industry knows this, so they sugar up our brains and get us addicted to sugar so we continue to buy their sugary products for our brain in higher and higher quantities.

/ sugar
//brains

Why Would I Read the Article: Billy Bathsalt: Why does every farking thing need some kind of sweetener in it?

Because our brains run on sugar, and sugar is addicting, so our brains tell our body we need more sugar when we get sugar, and the food industry knows this, so they sugar up our brains and get us addicted to sugar so we continue to buy their sugary products for our brain in higher and higher quantities.

/ sugar
//brains

This post was very hard to read. I quit almost all sugar three days ago. It's a challenge for my sugar addicted self.


I did the same thing a week ago! I almost don't get headaches anymore, and I almost don't want to eat everything I see.
 
2013-03-20 12:03:38 AM  
FruitWater and crackers...a great pick me up.

a.tgcdn.net
 
2013-03-20 12:05:26 AM  

ThatGuyGreg: WARNING: Fruitwater® contains no water


*may contain Beverly
 
2013-03-20 12:06:40 AM  
TFA: as well as the proliferation of options such bottled teas and flavored waters

That's some fine editing work there, Lou
 
2013-03-20 12:10:33 AM  

hardinparamedic: Betep: Warning: Coca Cola has no Coke either.

/Just sayin'

Coca-cola has dihydrogen monoxide, one of the most dangerous chemicals known to man.


That stuff is used in nuclear power plants. They use it in the production of weaponry. It's a byproduct of volcanos. The WHO estimates that 388,000 people die worldwide, EVERY YEAR, from inhalation of this substance, many of them women, children, and the disadvantaged.

And did you know that the 9/11 hijackers were ADDICTED to dihydrogen monoxide?
 
2013-03-20 12:12:44 AM  
Sulacrose?!

*scrubs out mouth just thinking about it*

That stuff is vile.

Ahhh, it's a choke product. That would explain why they don't want my money.
 
2013-03-20 12:14:44 AM  
chomposaurus.files.wordpress.com

/I suppose you're telling me this stuff has no meat?
//DON'T tell me, I want to believe...
 
2013-03-20 12:15:20 AM  

Tsu-na-mi: About 5 years ago I found something called Fruit2o, and it was a sugar-free, fruit-flavored, non-carbonated drink.  It was awesome.  Then it got harder to find and I figured they discontinued it.  About that time Veryfine apparently got sold by Kraft and I guess the distribution changed.  I'll have to start looking for it again, it really was good.  Tasted liek actual fruit, not the normal soda version of fruit flavors.


They still sell Fruit2O in a lot of places.  There are quite a few other varieties of flavored water  which are worthwhile as well.   Fruit2O well, it often was one of the cheapest options for calorie free flavored water, but it always tasted that way to me too - it felt chalky, as the sweetener often doesn't seem to dissolve completely.  However, it's usually at Walmart and Sams Club if your grocery store doesn't carry it and you want it.
 
2013-03-20 12:16:28 AM  

Billy Bathsalt: Why does every farking thing need some kind of sweetener in it?


Try unsweetened cranberry juice not from concentrate. It's like getting punched in the face (in a good way).
 
2013-03-20 12:19:52 AM  
You know, if their focus groups keep telling them that people want a healthy alternative to SugarWater, some form of juice perhaps, why don't they just sell juice?

People don't want to pay more for juice than SugarWater, perhaps?
 
2013-03-20 12:23:21 AM  

sendtodave: You know, if their focus groups keep telling them that people want a healthy alternative to SugarWater, some form of juice perhaps, why don't they just sell juice?

People don't want to pay more for juice than SugarWater, perhaps?


Juice actually is pretty much just SugarWater.
 
2013-03-20 12:23:54 AM  
Juices are expensive to store and process, because real food goes bad after a while. Besides, most of the stuff they call juice in america is no better than soda. It is all chemical flavoring added to deoxidized fruit juice. Even the 100% ones.
 
2013-03-20 12:24:56 AM  
thefilmexperience.net

/hot like real girl scouts. or something...
 
2013-03-20 12:28:40 AM  

sendtodave: ladyfortuna: something more exciting than water

You think that water is boring?

Water is the source of all life! Seven-tenths of this Earth's surface is water.

Why, do you realize that 70 percent of you is water?


I never thought about it that way, Jack.

I suppose you're right.
 
2013-03-20 12:30:06 AM  

MemeSlave: No Brawndo references?


Well... other than the "electrolytes" reference up there... nope, not at all.
 
2013-03-20 12:31:36 AM  

untaken_name: katerbug72: Why Would I Read the Article: Billy Bathsalt: Why does every farking thing need some kind of sweetener in it?

Because our brains run on sugar, and sugar is addicting, so our brains tell our body we need more sugar when we get sugar, and the food industry knows this, so they sugar up our brains and get us addicted to sugar so we continue to buy their sugary products for our brain in higher and higher quantities.

/ sugar
//brains

Why Would I Read the Article: Billy Bathsalt: Why does every farking thing need some kind of sweetener in it?

Because our brains run on sugar, and sugar is addicting, so our brains tell our body we need more sugar when we get sugar, and the food industry knows this, so they sugar up our brains and get us addicted to sugar so we continue to buy their sugary products for our brain in higher and higher quantities.

/ sugar
//brains

This post was very hard to read. I quit almost all sugar three days ago. It's a challenge for my sugar addicted self.

I did the same thing a week ago! I almost don't get headaches anymore, and I almost don't want to eat everything I see.


Congrats! I had a two day headache but I'm not sure if it was my current cold or the sugar withdrawl. I don't feel like eating all day long now, so that's something. I hope I can stay on the wagon but I don't know, Easter is coming up. I'll have to remember how shiatty I feel when I eat too much sugar and stay away from it.
 
2013-03-20 12:42:13 AM  

ThatGuyGreg: WARNING: Fruitwater® contains no water


> inventory
You have:
No tea.
> Get tea
No tea: dropped.
 
2013-03-20 12:42:52 AM  

MemeSlave: No Brawndo references?


Scroll up.
 
2013-03-20 12:43:44 AM  

sendtodave: ladyfortuna: something more exciting than water

You think that water is boring?

Water is the source of all life! Seven-tenths of this Earth's surface is water.

Why, do you realize that 70 percent of you is water?


Yes, you are mostly water, you ugly bag.
 
2013-03-20 12:44:41 AM  

Betep: Warning: Coca Cola has no Coke either.


Mountain Dew has no mountains.
 
2013-03-20 12:47:12 AM  

Kurmudgeon: Betep: Warning: Coca Cola has no Coke either.

Mountain Dew has no mountains.


Also, no real dew.
 
2013-03-20 12:47:46 AM  
Why would I drink Richard Simmons's piss?

/besides the bag of cash, I mean?
//got my hash pipe...
 
2013-03-20 12:48:34 AM  

Kurmudgeon: Betep: Warning: Coca Cola has no Coke either.

Mountain Dew has no mountains.


And no actual "Dew"
 
2013-03-20 12:50:30 AM  

untaken_name: Kurmudgeon: Betep: Warning: Coca Cola has no Coke either.

Mountain Dew has no mountains.

Also, no real dew.


Dammm..

/missed it by that much
 
2013-03-20 12:50:56 AM  

Kurmudgeon: Betep: Warning: Coca Cola has no Coke either.

Mountain Dew has no mountains.


And no dew.
 
2013-03-20 12:51:34 AM  
Well, then. Pile on that one some more, why don't we?
 
2013-03-20 12:52:10 AM  
5 Alive contains concentrated fruit juice
dumbass

/no it's not the same as 100% fruit juice
//but there is fruit in there

hassle sunny Delight if you wanna complain
 
2013-03-20 12:52:57 AM  
No fruit, but may contain peanuts.
 
2013-03-20 12:53:19 AM  
Dr. pepper doesn't contain any doctors. Or pepper.
 
2013-03-20 12:57:45 AM  

WhippingBoy: Billy Bathsalt: Why does every farking thing need some kind of sweetener in it?

Try unsweetened cranberry juice not from concentrate. It's like getting punched in the face (in a good way).


Fun, useless fact: This whole juice nonsense got started way way back in the Olden Days when Cranberry Cocktail was first invented. It's because cranberry "juice" is really only about 35% juice by weight, the rest is water, because cranberry juice is so acidic. Ocean Spray successfully lobbied Congress to disallow other juice manufacturers from touting themselves as 100% juice! because it made cranberry juice look bad. So for the longest time, you'd never see anything being 100% juice, it was always 100% "wholesome" or "fresh from the orange" or somesuch.

Things are different now, of course, but the idiocy persists that somehow "100% juice" is better or something other than what it is, which is juice of a fruit, mixed with water because otherwise it would be sludge, and either way it's fructose and water.
 
2013-03-20 12:59:08 AM  
Mr. Pibb? Contains neither misters nor whatever the hell "pibb" is, as far as I know.
 
2013-03-20 01:02:18 AM  
RC Cola cannot be remote controlled.

Sprite contains no sprites, pixies or other faerie folk.
 
2013-03-20 01:02:41 AM  

Gyrfalcon: Things are different now, of course, but the idiocy persists that somehow "100% juice" is better or something other than what it is, which is juice of a fruit, mixed with water because otherwise it would be sludge, and either way it's fructose and water.


Very well-said. Hear, hear.
 
2013-03-20 01:03:33 AM  

JonnyBGoode: RC Cola cannot be remote controlled.


http://www.vpri.org/pdf/m2009005_rccola.pdf
 
2013-03-20 01:07:03 AM  

FormlessOne: Mr. Pibb? Contains neither misters nor whatever the hell "pibb" is, as far as I know.


It's called Pibb Xtra now.
 
2013-03-20 01:07:48 AM  

TeddyRooseveltsMustache: FormlessOne: Mr. Pibb? Contains neither misters nor whatever the hell "pibb" is, as far as I know.

It's called Pibb Xtra now.


And yet it contains no extra Pibb. Shenanigans.
 
2013-03-20 01:11:47 AM  
Don't ask what's in Orange Julius. You really don't want to know.
 
2013-03-20 01:13:05 AM  
Pretty much all soda names are misleading:

Slice will not, in fact, cut anything.
Barq's does not, in fact, have bite.
Canada Dry is actually wet.  Canadian origins suspect.
Royal Crown Cola is not bottled by the monarchy.
Cream soda is a non-dairy product.
and, finally...

Dr. Pepper does not contain pepper, nor has it achieved a postgraduate degree.
 
2013-03-20 01:15:16 AM  
This thread has given me so many laughs. Thanks, subby and all posters.
 
2013-03-20 01:18:29 AM  

FormlessOne: Don't ask what's in Orange Julius. You really don't want to know.


wiki.tarantino.info
 
2013-03-20 01:20:19 AM  

alienated: This thread has given me so many laughs. Thanks, subby and all posters.


Some posters for the posters

gnosticbent.files.wordpress.com theuglygoat.toeknuckles.com
 
2013-03-20 01:21:38 AM  

Tsu-na-mi: Pretty much all soda names are misleading:

Slice will not, in fact, cut anything.
Barq's does not, in fact, have bite.
Canada Dry is actually wet.  Canadian origins suspect.
Royal Crown Cola is not bottled by the monarchy.
Cream soda is a non-dairy product.
and, finally...

Dr. Pepper does not contain pepper, nor has it achieved a postgraduate degree.

Does that come in a bottle because he never married?

 
2013-03-20 01:21:58 AM  

Fano: ThatGuyGreg: WARNING: Fruitwater® contains no water

*may contain Beverly


I bet you thought that was obscure.

I'm just letting you know, it's not. Been a while since I've been there, and I actually suspect I'd like it now, I've been known to drink tonic water and bitter lemon without gin. As well as with gin. When there's a bottle of either open in the fridge...
 
2013-03-20 01:24:49 AM  
And Kit Kats contain no cats... nor any kits, unless you consider miniature chocolate parking blocks to be a kit of some sort.
 
2013-03-20 01:24:58 AM  

Why Would I Read the Article: Because our brains run on sugar, and sugar is addicting, so our brains tell our body we need more sugar when we get sugar, and the food industry knows this, so they sugar up our brains and get us addicted to sugar so we continue to buy their sugary products for our brain in higher and higher quantities.


That hurted my brain. Need candy now.
 
2013-03-20 01:25:10 AM  

Brainsick: alienated: This thread has given me so many laughs. Thanks, subby and all posters.

Some posters for the posters

[gnosticbent.files.wordpress.com image 381x500] [theuglygoat.toeknuckles.com image 400x560]


It's funny that back then, childhood obesity was not an issue.  It wasn't until sodas switched to HFCS that everyone packed on the pounds.
 
2013-03-20 01:29:33 AM  
The thirst mutilator!
 
2013-03-20 01:35:45 AM  

Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: It wasn't until sodas switched to HFCS Super Big Gulp sizes for daily consumption that everyone packed on the pounds.


That's my version.
 
2013-03-20 01:40:46 AM  

sendtodave: ladyfortuna: something more exciting than water

You think that water is boring?

Water is the source of all life! Seven-tenths of this Earth's surface is water.

Why, do you realize that 70 percent of you is water?


25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-03-20 01:41:50 AM  

AthensBoy: Sounds like someone may have taunted Happy Fun Ball.


AAAAIIIIEEEEEEEGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Happy Fun [yarn] Ball SMASH
 
2013-03-20 01:42:35 AM  

JonnyBGoode: RC Cola cannot be remote controlled.




Just push the right buttons on your Moon Pie.
 
2013-03-20 01:43:40 AM  

untaken_name: Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: It wasn't until sodas switched to HFCS Super Big Gulp sizes for daily consumption that everyone packed on the pounds.

That's my version.


Plus, these kids would leave the house to play.

No opportunity to graze on chips all day when there were forts to be built and pickup ballgames to be played.
 
2013-03-20 01:44:24 AM  

cptjeff: Fano: ThatGuyGreg: WARNING: Fruitwater® contains no water

*may contain Beverly

I bet you thought that was obscure.

I'm just letting you know, it's not. Been a while since I've been there, and I actually suspect I'd like it now, I've been known to drink tonic water and bitter lemon without gin. As well as with gin. When there's a bottle of either open in the fridge...


In fact I did not consider it obscure. Although I always encourage people going to Atlanta's Coke Museum to try it, "because it's good." The only reservation I had was thinking some farkers might disambiguate and think I was referring to some other Beverly. D'Angelo, maybe.

When I tasted it myself, the first thought I had was that it could only be used as a mixer for some alcoholic beverage.
 
2013-03-20 01:52:12 AM  

supervacaneous: sendtodave: ladyfortuna: something more exciting than water

You think that water is boring?

Water is the source of all life! Seven-tenths of this Earth's surface is water.

Why, do you realize that 70 percent of you is water?

[25.media.tumblr.com image 231x231]


I love you. I want you inside me.
 
2013-03-20 01:53:08 AM  

serpent_sky: Flavored seltzer isn't low-calorie, fizzy, and vaguely fruity enough for most people?


This.  79c for a 2 liter bottle, usually raspberry for me.  A quarter-glass of cranberry juice kicks it up a notch.
 
2013-03-20 02:40:19 AM  
I've been biatching that they should have this for years. Can't stand sweet drinks.

naturalaspossiblemom.com

Now there are tons of them. Wish they would leave the artificial sweeteners out, though.
 
2013-03-20 02:50:29 AM  
I guess they didn't learn the first time around?
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/john-robbins/the-dark-side-of-vitaminw _b _669716.html
"no consumer could reasonably be misled into thinking vitaminwater was a healthy beverage."

I look forward to "no consumer could reasonably be misled into thinking fruitwater had fruit in it."
 
2013-03-20 03:57:33 AM  

Yogimus: supervacaneous: sendtodave: ladyfortuna: something more exciting than water

You think that water is boring?

Water is the source of all life! Seven-tenths of this Earth's surface is water.

Why, do you realize that 70 percent of you is water?

[25.media.tumblr.com image 231x231]

I love you. I want you inside me.


^^
 
2013-03-20 03:59:06 AM  
Surprised if they can trademark that in Europe. Name is too descriptive/close to normal phrase and it is likely to mislead consumers.
 
2013-03-20 04:01:26 AM  
img832.imageshack.us
 
2013-03-20 04:56:00 AM  
"enhanced with nutrients," a reference to its B vitamins, magnesium and zinc.

Meaning they have a 10,000 gallon vat of the stuff into which they drop two multi-vitamin pills.

I swear. Americans will drink pi$$ if carbonated, advertised as a 'natural, organic' soda and has some artificial sugar tossed in.

Basically, Coke will make the stuff for about 6 cents a bottle, which you'll buy at the store for $1.25.

I need to go down to the ocean, boil the krap out of some seawater until I get a couple of pounds of salt, and then sell it at $50 a pound as Organic, Natural sea salt, containing Natural Iodine and trace Natural minerals.

Toss in a little food coloring to make it pinkish and I'll make a few thousand the first month.

Now, for salt fortified with even more organic materials, I'll boil the brackish river water, which contains the runoff from the land, a lot of outboard motor oil and a touch of feces from the hundreds of nearby septic tanks.

Can't get more Organic than that.

That will go at $60 a pound. I'll even print up colorful, fact filled labels from my computer for each brick.

Of course, if I sun dry the salt in wooden molds I build, then I can advertise it as Sun Dried, which ought to get me a few more bucks a pound.

People are such suckers!
 
2013-03-20 05:15:12 AM  

Yogimus: supervacaneous: sendtodave: ladyfortuna: something more exciting than water

You think that water is boring?

Water is the source of all life! Seven-tenths of this Earth's surface is water.

Why, do you realize that 70 percent of you is water?

[25.media.tumblr.com image 231x231]

I love you. I want you inside me.


I'm sorry. I don't think my body works that way. No offense to you or anything.

And you can't take offense. Because I said 'no offense'.
 
2013-03-20 05:51:41 AM  
i don"t want to associate with these strange water concoctions. seltzer,nature, fruit, talking rain,
screw you, water is boring, coca-cola and beer is all you need.
 
2013-03-20 06:23:23 AM  

ladyfortuna: Wegmans sparkling water, orange, lemon, lime, and berry flavors, no sweetener, just whatever those flavors come from in a small amount. I can live with that for something more exciting than water or tea...


Trader Joe's sells the same thing. 99 cents for a liter bottle. I find it tasty.

When I'm at home, I mix a finger of actual pomegranate juice with a glass of sparking water.
 
2013-03-20 06:32:51 AM  
7UP does not contain 7 extra lives.
 
2013-03-20 07:26:03 AM  
Another bottle of poison from America's favorite purveyor of diabetes.
 
2013-03-20 07:32:17 AM  
I think Ill stick with Malk
 
2013-03-20 07:44:43 AM  
1.bp.blogspot.com

Contains neither fruit or zebras.
Does contain 'tattoos'.
 
2013-03-20 07:52:48 AM  

Suckmaster Burstingfoam: No, the store only sells apples that were picked 2,000 miles away before they ever went ripe, and were then treated with chemicals to make them look ripe.


To be fair, the "chemicals" they use to keep apples ripe would actually be citrus.  Usually lime or lemon juice.

/Processed foods, on the other hand.....
 
2013-03-20 08:10:18 AM  
Tang drinker.
cdn-i.dmdentertainment.com
 
2013-03-20 08:19:20 AM  
Might I suggest "Frootwater" (tm)?
 
2013-03-20 08:22:26 AM  
i.imgur.com

"Not 'The Craw'! . . ."
 
2013-03-20 08:38:53 AM  
How long will the hipsters drink this stuff before it become un-hip to do so and the only ones left drinking it are fat white chicks?
 
2013-03-20 08:51:23 AM  

Suckmaster Burstingfoam: ModernLuddite: Suckmaster Burstingfoam: ModernLuddite: AT NO POINT SHOULD YOU EVER ATTEMPT TO EAT ACTUAL FRUIT.

I can buy a whole box of cereal for the price of 2 or 3 apples, and the apples are never even ripe and taste like fecking cardboard.

Sometimes the store puts the real apples next to those plastic display apples. Maybe you bought those instead?

No, the store only sells apples that were picked 2,000 miles away before they ever went ripe, and were then treated with chemicals to make them look ripe.


This is why you drive out of your way to find a back-road fresh fruits and vegetables stand
 
2013-03-20 08:54:12 AM  
is this really a surprise?
 
2013-03-20 08:54:53 AM  
You guys don't seem to understand.  It's called "Fruitwater" not because of what it contains, but who it is being marketed to.
 
2013-03-20 08:55:18 AM  
PepsiCo CEO:  we don't sell beverages, we sell Dreams.
 
2013-03-20 09:38:27 AM  
 
2013-03-20 10:15:45 AM  

Mad_Season: 7UP does not contain 7 extra lives.


Actually, "7UP" would refer to the seventh player in a multiplayer game, not the number of lives.

/pendantic
 
2013-03-20 10:38:55 AM  

CaptSacto: The Atlanta-based company confirmed Monday that it would introduce a line of zero-calorie, carbonated, fruit-flavored waters called "Fruitwater" starting April 1

Hmm...


Came for this. Seems like it is too convenient.
 
2013-03-20 10:57:03 AM  

RubberBabyBuggyBumpers: Betep: Warning: Coca Cola has no Coke either.

/Just sayin'

Warning: Baby powder has no babies.

/what a country


Girl Scout cookies taste NOTHING like Girl Scouts.

/and my van does NOT have free candy either.
 
2013-03-20 11:12:43 AM  
Doctor Pepper isn't really a doctor.
 
2013-03-20 12:02:04 PM  
I think the family car broke down in Fruitwater once.  Nice town.
 
2013-03-20 12:25:32 PM  

Deep Contact: Tang drinker.
[cdn-i.dmdentertainment.com image 480x721]


I'd like to give her a taste test to verify that.
 
2013-03-20 01:36:26 PM  

theorellior: Mad_Season: 7UP does not contain 7 extra lives.

Actually, "7UP" would refer to the seventh player in a multiplayer game, not the number of lives.

/pendantic


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1-up

We're both right.

/but at least I know how to spell "pedantic"
//and "anal-retentive"
 
2013-03-20 01:40:46 PM  
So what? Coca Cola doesn't contain any cocaine (anymore) either...
www.karlloren.com
 
2013-03-20 02:16:10 PM  

cwolf20: Suckmaster Burstingfoam: ModernLuddite: Suckmaster Burstingfoam: ModernLuddite: AT NO POINT SHOULD YOU EVER ATTEMPT TO EAT ACTUAL FRUIT.

I can buy a whole box of cereal for the price of 2 or 3 apples, and the apples are never even ripe and taste like fecking cardboard.

Sometimes the store puts the real apples next to those plastic display apples. Maybe you bought those instead?

No, the store only sells apples that were picked 2,000 miles away before they ever went ripe, and were then treated with chemicals to make them look ripe.

This is why you drive out of your way to find a back-road fresh fruits and vegetables stand


Also, consider Jazz, Fuji, Gala, Macintosh, and Granny Smith apples. The "Delicious" variety is almost always anything but. They're usually overripe under the peel, mealy, and unappetizing.
 
2013-03-20 02:56:42 PM  
old Dutch cleanser is not from Holland, nor is it appropriate for cleaning an elderly Dutch person.
 
2013-03-20 03:42:09 PM  
And Coke has no coke in it. Nothing has anything in it.
 
2013-03-20 07:53:41 PM  
I hate sucralose.

Stevia is so much better if you can't have sugar.
 
2013-03-20 09:26:37 PM  

Oldiron_79: old Dutch cleanser is not from Holland, nor is it appropriate for cleaning an elderly Dutch person.


I dunno, works pretty well in my experience.
 
2013-03-22 12:54:03 AM  
I wonder if this is one of those "sugary drinks" that can kill you.
Charles, c/o
Valplan.com
 
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