If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(CBS Atlanta)   Coca Cola to unveil Fruitwater next month. WARNING: Fruitwater® contains no fruit   (atlanta.cbslocal.com) divider line 173
    More: Fail, Coca-Cola, warning sign, Beverage Digest, American Love, sweeteners, fruit juices  
•       •       •

10474 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Mar 2013 at 10:41 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



173 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-03-20 12:44:41 AM  

Betep: Warning: Coca Cola has no Coke either.


Mountain Dew has no mountains.
 
2013-03-20 12:47:12 AM  

Kurmudgeon: Betep: Warning: Coca Cola has no Coke either.

Mountain Dew has no mountains.


Also, no real dew.
 
2013-03-20 12:47:46 AM  
Why would I drink Richard Simmons's piss?

/besides the bag of cash, I mean?
//got my hash pipe...
 
2013-03-20 12:48:34 AM  

Kurmudgeon: Betep: Warning: Coca Cola has no Coke either.

Mountain Dew has no mountains.


And no actual "Dew"
 
2013-03-20 12:50:30 AM  

untaken_name: Kurmudgeon: Betep: Warning: Coca Cola has no Coke either.

Mountain Dew has no mountains.

Also, no real dew.


Dammm..

/missed it by that much
 
2013-03-20 12:50:56 AM  

Kurmudgeon: Betep: Warning: Coca Cola has no Coke either.

Mountain Dew has no mountains.


And no dew.
 
2013-03-20 12:51:34 AM  
Well, then. Pile on that one some more, why don't we?
 
2013-03-20 12:52:10 AM  
5 Alive contains concentrated fruit juice
dumbass

/no it's not the same as 100% fruit juice
//but there is fruit in there

hassle sunny Delight if you wanna complain
 
2013-03-20 12:52:57 AM  
No fruit, but may contain peanuts.
 
2013-03-20 12:53:19 AM  
Dr. pepper doesn't contain any doctors. Or pepper.
 
2013-03-20 12:57:45 AM  

WhippingBoy: Billy Bathsalt: Why does every farking thing need some kind of sweetener in it?

Try unsweetened cranberry juice not from concentrate. It's like getting punched in the face (in a good way).


Fun, useless fact: This whole juice nonsense got started way way back in the Olden Days when Cranberry Cocktail was first invented. It's because cranberry "juice" is really only about 35% juice by weight, the rest is water, because cranberry juice is so acidic. Ocean Spray successfully lobbied Congress to disallow other juice manufacturers from touting themselves as 100% juice! because it made cranberry juice look bad. So for the longest time, you'd never see anything being 100% juice, it was always 100% "wholesome" or "fresh from the orange" or somesuch.

Things are different now, of course, but the idiocy persists that somehow "100% juice" is better or something other than what it is, which is juice of a fruit, mixed with water because otherwise it would be sludge, and either way it's fructose and water.
 
2013-03-20 12:59:08 AM  
Mr. Pibb? Contains neither misters nor whatever the hell "pibb" is, as far as I know.
 
2013-03-20 01:02:18 AM  
RC Cola cannot be remote controlled.

Sprite contains no sprites, pixies or other faerie folk.
 
2013-03-20 01:02:41 AM  

Gyrfalcon: Things are different now, of course, but the idiocy persists that somehow "100% juice" is better or something other than what it is, which is juice of a fruit, mixed with water because otherwise it would be sludge, and either way it's fructose and water.


Very well-said. Hear, hear.
 
2013-03-20 01:03:33 AM  

JonnyBGoode: RC Cola cannot be remote controlled.


http://www.vpri.org/pdf/m2009005_rccola.pdf
 
2013-03-20 01:07:03 AM  

FormlessOne: Mr. Pibb? Contains neither misters nor whatever the hell "pibb" is, as far as I know.


It's called Pibb Xtra now.
 
2013-03-20 01:07:48 AM  

TeddyRooseveltsMustache: FormlessOne: Mr. Pibb? Contains neither misters nor whatever the hell "pibb" is, as far as I know.

It's called Pibb Xtra now.


And yet it contains no extra Pibb. Shenanigans.
 
2013-03-20 01:11:47 AM  
Don't ask what's in Orange Julius. You really don't want to know.
 
2013-03-20 01:13:05 AM  
Pretty much all soda names are misleading:

Slice will not, in fact, cut anything.
Barq's does not, in fact, have bite.
Canada Dry is actually wet.  Canadian origins suspect.
Royal Crown Cola is not bottled by the monarchy.
Cream soda is a non-dairy product.
and, finally...

Dr. Pepper does not contain pepper, nor has it achieved a postgraduate degree.
 
2013-03-20 01:15:16 AM  
This thread has given me so many laughs. Thanks, subby and all posters.
 
2013-03-20 01:18:29 AM  

FormlessOne: Don't ask what's in Orange Julius. You really don't want to know.


wiki.tarantino.info
 
2013-03-20 01:20:19 AM  

alienated: This thread has given me so many laughs. Thanks, subby and all posters.


Some posters for the posters

gnosticbent.files.wordpress.com theuglygoat.toeknuckles.com
 
2013-03-20 01:21:38 AM  

Tsu-na-mi: Pretty much all soda names are misleading:

Slice will not, in fact, cut anything.
Barq's does not, in fact, have bite.
Canada Dry is actually wet.  Canadian origins suspect.
Royal Crown Cola is not bottled by the monarchy.
Cream soda is a non-dairy product.
and, finally...

Dr. Pepper does not contain pepper, nor has it achieved a postgraduate degree.

Does that come in a bottle because he never married?

 
2013-03-20 01:21:58 AM  

Fano: ThatGuyGreg: WARNING: Fruitwater® contains no water

*may contain Beverly


I bet you thought that was obscure.

I'm just letting you know, it's not. Been a while since I've been there, and I actually suspect I'd like it now, I've been known to drink tonic water and bitter lemon without gin. As well as with gin. When there's a bottle of either open in the fridge...
 
2013-03-20 01:24:49 AM  
And Kit Kats contain no cats... nor any kits, unless you consider miniature chocolate parking blocks to be a kit of some sort.
 
2013-03-20 01:24:58 AM  

Why Would I Read the Article: Because our brains run on sugar, and sugar is addicting, so our brains tell our body we need more sugar when we get sugar, and the food industry knows this, so they sugar up our brains and get us addicted to sugar so we continue to buy their sugary products for our brain in higher and higher quantities.


That hurted my brain. Need candy now.
 
2013-03-20 01:25:10 AM  

Brainsick: alienated: This thread has given me so many laughs. Thanks, subby and all posters.

Some posters for the posters

[gnosticbent.files.wordpress.com image 381x500] [theuglygoat.toeknuckles.com image 400x560]


It's funny that back then, childhood obesity was not an issue.  It wasn't until sodas switched to HFCS that everyone packed on the pounds.
 
2013-03-20 01:29:33 AM  
The thirst mutilator!
 
2013-03-20 01:35:45 AM  

Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: It wasn't until sodas switched to HFCS Super Big Gulp sizes for daily consumption that everyone packed on the pounds.


That's my version.
 
2013-03-20 01:40:46 AM  

sendtodave: ladyfortuna: something more exciting than water

You think that water is boring?

Water is the source of all life! Seven-tenths of this Earth's surface is water.

Why, do you realize that 70 percent of you is water?


25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-03-20 01:41:50 AM  

AthensBoy: Sounds like someone may have taunted Happy Fun Ball.


AAAAIIIIEEEEEEEGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Happy Fun [yarn] Ball SMASH
 
2013-03-20 01:42:35 AM  

JonnyBGoode: RC Cola cannot be remote controlled.




Just push the right buttons on your Moon Pie.
 
2013-03-20 01:43:40 AM  

untaken_name: Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: It wasn't until sodas switched to HFCS Super Big Gulp sizes for daily consumption that everyone packed on the pounds.

That's my version.


Plus, these kids would leave the house to play.

No opportunity to graze on chips all day when there were forts to be built and pickup ballgames to be played.
 
2013-03-20 01:44:24 AM  

cptjeff: Fano: ThatGuyGreg: WARNING: Fruitwater® contains no water

*may contain Beverly

I bet you thought that was obscure.

I'm just letting you know, it's not. Been a while since I've been there, and I actually suspect I'd like it now, I've been known to drink tonic water and bitter lemon without gin. As well as with gin. When there's a bottle of either open in the fridge...


In fact I did not consider it obscure. Although I always encourage people going to Atlanta's Coke Museum to try it, "because it's good." The only reservation I had was thinking some farkers might disambiguate and think I was referring to some other Beverly. D'Angelo, maybe.

When I tasted it myself, the first thought I had was that it could only be used as a mixer for some alcoholic beverage.
 
2013-03-20 01:52:12 AM  

supervacaneous: sendtodave: ladyfortuna: something more exciting than water

You think that water is boring?

Water is the source of all life! Seven-tenths of this Earth's surface is water.

Why, do you realize that 70 percent of you is water?

[25.media.tumblr.com image 231x231]


I love you. I want you inside me.
 
2013-03-20 01:53:08 AM  

serpent_sky: Flavored seltzer isn't low-calorie, fizzy, and vaguely fruity enough for most people?


This.  79c for a 2 liter bottle, usually raspberry for me.  A quarter-glass of cranberry juice kicks it up a notch.
 
2013-03-20 02:40:19 AM  
I've been biatching that they should have this for years. Can't stand sweet drinks.

naturalaspossiblemom.com

Now there are tons of them. Wish they would leave the artificial sweeteners out, though.
 
2013-03-20 02:50:29 AM  
I guess they didn't learn the first time around?
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/john-robbins/the-dark-side-of-vitaminw _b _669716.html
"no consumer could reasonably be misled into thinking vitaminwater was a healthy beverage."

I look forward to "no consumer could reasonably be misled into thinking fruitwater had fruit in it."
 
2013-03-20 03:57:33 AM  

Yogimus: supervacaneous: sendtodave: ladyfortuna: something more exciting than water

You think that water is boring?

Water is the source of all life! Seven-tenths of this Earth's surface is water.

Why, do you realize that 70 percent of you is water?

[25.media.tumblr.com image 231x231]

I love you. I want you inside me.


^^
 
2013-03-20 03:59:06 AM  
Surprised if they can trademark that in Europe. Name is too descriptive/close to normal phrase and it is likely to mislead consumers.
 
2013-03-20 04:01:26 AM  
img832.imageshack.us
 
2013-03-20 04:56:00 AM  
"enhanced with nutrients," a reference to its B vitamins, magnesium and zinc.

Meaning they have a 10,000 gallon vat of the stuff into which they drop two multi-vitamin pills.

I swear. Americans will drink pi$$ if carbonated, advertised as a 'natural, organic' soda and has some artificial sugar tossed in.

Basically, Coke will make the stuff for about 6 cents a bottle, which you'll buy at the store for $1.25.

I need to go down to the ocean, boil the krap out of some seawater until I get a couple of pounds of salt, and then sell it at $50 a pound as Organic, Natural sea salt, containing Natural Iodine and trace Natural minerals.

Toss in a little food coloring to make it pinkish and I'll make a few thousand the first month.

Now, for salt fortified with even more organic materials, I'll boil the brackish river water, which contains the runoff from the land, a lot of outboard motor oil and a touch of feces from the hundreds of nearby septic tanks.

Can't get more Organic than that.

That will go at $60 a pound. I'll even print up colorful, fact filled labels from my computer for each brick.

Of course, if I sun dry the salt in wooden molds I build, then I can advertise it as Sun Dried, which ought to get me a few more bucks a pound.

People are such suckers!
 
2013-03-20 05:15:12 AM  

Yogimus: supervacaneous: sendtodave: ladyfortuna: something more exciting than water

You think that water is boring?

Water is the source of all life! Seven-tenths of this Earth's surface is water.

Why, do you realize that 70 percent of you is water?

[25.media.tumblr.com image 231x231]

I love you. I want you inside me.


I'm sorry. I don't think my body works that way. No offense to you or anything.

And you can't take offense. Because I said 'no offense'.
 
2013-03-20 05:51:41 AM  
i don"t want to associate with these strange water concoctions. seltzer,nature, fruit, talking rain,
screw you, water is boring, coca-cola and beer is all you need.
 
2013-03-20 06:23:23 AM  

ladyfortuna: Wegmans sparkling water, orange, lemon, lime, and berry flavors, no sweetener, just whatever those flavors come from in a small amount. I can live with that for something more exciting than water or tea...


Trader Joe's sells the same thing. 99 cents for a liter bottle. I find it tasty.

When I'm at home, I mix a finger of actual pomegranate juice with a glass of sparking water.
 
2013-03-20 06:32:51 AM  
7UP does not contain 7 extra lives.
 
2013-03-20 07:26:03 AM  
Another bottle of poison from America's favorite purveyor of diabetes.
 
2013-03-20 07:32:17 AM  
I think Ill stick with Malk
 
2013-03-20 07:44:43 AM  
1.bp.blogspot.com

Contains neither fruit or zebras.
Does contain 'tattoos'.
 
2013-03-20 07:52:48 AM  

Suckmaster Burstingfoam: No, the store only sells apples that were picked 2,000 miles away before they ever went ripe, and were then treated with chemicals to make them look ripe.


To be fair, the "chemicals" they use to keep apples ripe would actually be citrus.  Usually lime or lemon juice.

/Processed foods, on the other hand.....
 
Displayed 50 of 173 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report