Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(The Atlantic)   17,616 men have suffered the most humiliating and painful injury a man can endure from the grinding teeth of an unforgiving soulless monster   ( divider line
    More: Scary, emergency rooms  
•       •       •

18008 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Mar 2013 at 7:35 AM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

78 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

2013-03-19 09:15:03 AM  
done in four.  Came for Something About Mary.
2013-03-19 09:24:23 AM Full Size

Suggest velcro.
2013-03-19 09:28:26 AM  
So very scared, I'm in the bathroom reading these comments, but now I have to get back to work.........
2013-03-19 09:34:26 AM  
I zipped it up once by accident.

Once was all it took - I have been conscious and careful because of that one incident ever since. Think about it every time I zip up my pants - and it happened 15 years ago.
2013-03-19 09:44:31 AM  

Harry Freakstorm: There is the fatal design in the standard boxer shorts where a person may have believed that he secured the package. Yet prior to zipping the hangar closed, the dirigible decides to slide out past the boxer opening and in to the line of fire. I've been bitten enough times that I am extra careful when wearing the traditional boxers and packing the Graf Zepplin away.

Coincidentally, the phrase "Oh, the humanity!" is often heard shortly afterwards.
2013-03-19 09:44:32 AM  

bborchar: /the problem with external genitalia is that it is external
//hard to do much about it

you said "hard"
2013-03-19 09:47:23 AM  
Like getting a German Shepherd to your junk:
i651.photobucket.comView Full Size
2013-03-19 09:56:46 AM  
You down with YKK?

/ Oh shiat, no way!
2013-03-19 10:06:06 AM  
It happened to me a few months ago..wasn't paying attention, my ding-a-ling somehow poked out of my boxers and ZIPPPP.

\Thought I was going to have to go to the hospital, but eventually just grit my teeth and unzipped.
\Was a little tender for a few days
2013-03-19 11:14:55 AM  
Aren't men supposed to learn how to tie their shoes and handle a zipper by about age 3? Who are these losers?
2013-03-19 11:46:05 AM  
Christopher Lloyd unavailable for comment.

/too obscure?
2013-03-19 11:50:40 AM  

big pig peaches: dittybopper: BTW, it's 17,616 over 8 years, or just 2,202 per year.  Probably the same 2,000 people over and over again.

Yeah, but if it were lady parts being injured there would already be a dozen charities holding competing 5k walks/runs by now

What's stopping you from making an injured penis charity?
2013-03-19 12:07:05 PM  
Yet another benefit of a short dick.  When soft.  Grower, not a shower.  Yeah, that's the ticket.
2013-03-19 12:12:22 PM  

flucto: Sure, text while driving. Go swimming 10 minutes after Thanksgiving dinner. Stick your dick in crazy. But for God's sake, if there's ONE moment in life to be a little extra cautious....

So much this^^
2013-03-19 12:20:00 PM  
My most humiliating & painful injury was the time I dropped a cigarette butt between my legs while taking a crap.  GF didn't  buy my explanation of the blister.
2013-03-19 12:36:02 PM  
Ahhh I've done it a couple of times. Once as a kid...still got the scar from that one. And once many years later when I was wearing boxers and not paying attention. And yeah freeing the little guy was way more painful than the actual incident.
2013-03-19 01:32:33 PM  
Ok -- i almost never wear underpants and i have never ever gotten my dick caught.

i dont know how other peoples physiology works but once the end tucked back in it should be hanging down further than where the zipper starts and it holds everything else in like a retention wall...  I can understand hooking pubes in your zipper... not your dick though.

I wear boxers... Only for nice occasions. Otherwise i end up with a gross sweaty crotch or they ride up or ride down or up my ass and my cock always finds its way out the hole in the front and i feel awkward because you have to put your hand in your pants to pull it back through or go for some time with your cock feeling like its flopping around between your boxers and jeans. It feels weird. Like its in a sock and not in a good way.

\Commando or bust.
2013-03-19 01:49:10 PM  

kvinesknows: remembering of course that is only the number that went to the ER.

just like Rape victims, many are too ashamed to report this.

As well as Male Victims of Domestic Violence.

Spent six weeks in Quebec on a language exchange program. Forgot to bring my bathing suit.
I was given one by the family I was staying with. That bathing suit had a zipper. I still have the scar 20 years later.
2013-03-19 02:27:41 PM  
what the what?? a bathing suit with a zipper????

cheese eating stink weasels for doing that to you
2013-03-19 04:46:38 PM  
2.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size

Injury-proof closing and easy, um, access...for yourself and intimate friends
2013-03-19 05:51:15 PM  

Devolving_Spud: [ image 850x1274]
Injury-proof closing and easy, um, access...for yourself and intimate friends

came to post similar picture,

nice to see common sense isn't dead
2013-03-19 06:52:24 PM  
What about chair related testicle incidents?
2013-03-19 07:22:17 PM  

OscarTamerz: I'm betting 99% of these injuries occur in bar bathrooms, after midnight and substantial quantities of alcohol, to people going commando in anticipation of getting lucky when quite the opposite happens.

I am leaning towards guys running from husbands.  They get snagged and fall down in pain, allowing the husband to catch up and beat them soundly enough for an ER visit.  Hence zipper related injuries.
2013-03-19 07:22:56 PM  

LordXenu: Someone should stop Lindsay Lohan.

Credit due, that made me lol.
2013-03-19 08:34:45 PM  
I'm usually paying attention, but otherwise, button fly boxers or boxer briefs tend to keep my goods safe.

/except a couple times I didn't wear them
//thank the FSM there's no scar
2013-03-20 12:51:15 AM  
Is that the frank or the beans?
wearysloth.comView Full Size
2013-03-20 01:50:05 AM  
Oh, Oh, you had a bad day.
You had a bad day,
had to go pee,
opened your fly and  caught your fick in in the zipper..........
you had a bad day.
2013-03-20 06:34:45 PM  
Alright, I'm gonna pull it out on 3.

(unzip followed by a scream)

What happened to 2?
Displayed 28 of 78 comments

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter

Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.