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(The Atlantic)   17,616 men have suffered the most humiliating and painful injury a man can endure from the grinding teeth of an unforgiving soulless monster   (theatlantic.com) divider line 78
    More: Scary, emergency rooms  
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17985 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Mar 2013 at 7:35 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-19 02:15:38 AM  
Mom?
 
2013-03-19 02:40:23 AM  
I don't know how that could happen unless you're free balling but if I zipped up some skin my pants would be ripped apart from the zipper down almost instantaneously until I was naked, screaming, and cold. I think most guys are with me on that.
 
2013-03-19 07:06:10 AM  
Sure, text while driving. Go swimming 10 minutes after Thanksgiving dinner. Stick your dick in crazy. But for God's sake, if there's ONE moment in life to be a little extra cautious....
 
2013-03-19 07:11:13 AM  
2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-03-19 07:19:04 AM  
Didn't Alice Cooper name an album after this phenomenon?
 
2013-03-19 07:20:29 AM  
BTW, it's 17,616 over 8 years, or just 2,202 per year.  Probably the same 2,000 people over and over again.
 
2013-03-19 07:38:45 AM  
Oh glory keyword targeted story pimping.

"A Day in the life of an Italian Deli"

/salami
//pepperoni
///foreskin in zipper
 
2013-03-19 07:39:50 AM  
Protip:

Put your dick in your pants BEFORE you zip up.
 
2013-03-19 07:42:11 AM  
17,616 men blame zippers when trying to do something stupid with their penis.
 
2013-03-19 07:42:41 AM  
This is where button flies have an advantage. Although it is a major hassle fidgeting with them at the urinal.
 
2013-03-19 07:43:45 AM  
Are that many men out there who forego underwear? I mean, come on; you unzip, whip it out, do your business, tuck it back in the underwear, zip up. I guess if you're going commando the chance that a hair or skin might get caught in the zipper, but you know, that's why they made underwear. To give you an extra layer of protective clothing between personal bits and the toothy zipper beast.

/or you could just unbelt/unbutton the pants when you need to go
 
2013-03-19 07:44:24 AM  
That's a suspiciously precise number. How much in lost production did this cause during March Madness?
 
2013-03-19 07:45:43 AM  

dittybopper: BTW, it's 17,616 over 8 years, or just 2,202 per year.  Probably the same 2,000 people over and over again.


Thanks, I missed that. It seemed a little high to me. However, after doing some research, it seems that men are more prone to go to the ER by blunt force tramau to the crotch area...about 10,000 a year.

/the problem with external genitalia is that it is external
//hard to do much about it
 
2013-03-19 07:46:20 AM  

slayer199:


How'd you get the beans above the frank?
 
2013-03-19 07:50:12 AM  
This happened to my bro. Felt sorry for him, so painful.

//btw, he was 5 at the time
//csb
 
2013-03-19 07:50:13 AM  
Someone should stop Lindsay Lohan.
 
2013-03-19 07:50:25 AM  
semper ubi sub ubi
 
2013-03-19 07:52:22 AM  
I bet drinking was involved.
 
2013-03-19 07:53:48 AM  

dittybopper: BTW, it's 17,616 over 8 years, or just 2,202 per year.  Probably the same 2,000 people over and over again.


Yeah, but if it were lady parts being injured there would already be a dozen charities holding competing 5k walks/runs by now.
 
2013-03-19 07:54:04 AM  
One of the hazzards of free ballin
 
2013-03-19 07:57:41 AM  
I got it caught in the zipper of my footie pajamas when I was really young.  Twice.

/damn thing built up a lot of static, too
//the PJs, not my dingdong
///CSB
 
2013-03-19 07:59:21 AM  
I'm betting 99% of these injuries occur in bar bathrooms, after midnight and substantial quantities of alcohol, to people going commando in anticipation of getting lucky when quite the opposite happens.
 
2013-03-19 08:01:29 AM  
i.dailymail.co.uk
 
2013-03-19 08:01:52 AM  

dittybopper: BTW, it's 17,616 over 8 years, or just 2,202 per year.  Probably the same 2,000 people over and over again.


Once you have done it once, you will never ever ever ever do it again.

Trust me on this.
 
2013-03-19 08:02:15 AM  
17,617

/Just yesterday.
//Owie ow ow ow ow!
 
2013-03-19 08:02:53 AM  
Better make it 17,617

www.viceland.com
 
2013-03-19 08:04:47 AM  

Summer Glau's Love Slave: 17,617

/Just yesterday.
//Owie ow ow ow ow!


I know th article said I'm supposed to feel compassion and empathy, but...LOL.
 
2013-03-19 08:05:10 AM  

karnal: Better make it 17,617

[www.viceland.com image 300x246]


fark you for that, image, I both visibly winced and laughed at the same time. Not nearly as cool as a sneezegasm.
 
2013-03-19 08:06:12 AM  
remembering of course that is only the number that went to the ER.

just like Rape victims, many are too ashamed to report this.
 
2013-03-19 08:07:36 AM  

flucto: Sure, text while driving. Go swimming 10 minutes after Thanksgiving dinner. Stick your dick in crazy. But for God's sake, if there's ONE moment in life to be a little extra cautious....


Talk with your mouth full! Bite the hand that feeds you! Bite off more than you chew!
 
2013-03-19 08:11:50 AM  

big pig peaches: dittybopper: BTW, it's 17,616 over 8 years, or just 2,202 per year.  Probably the same 2,000 people over and over again.

Yeah, but if it were lady parts being injured there would already be a dozen charities holding competing 5k walks/runs by now.


Time to start making "Save the wieners" t-shirts.

www.sfgate.com
And the walk/runs might be more interesting if the participants were chasing after (or being chased by) a giant penis.
 
2013-03-19 08:12:21 AM  
Do  guys really think it is cool to go sans underwear? Or does this phenomenon happen even to underwear-wearing folks?  Either way, I suspect the victims of this are unable to count to potato.
 
2013-03-19 08:13:00 AM  
Since Newtown, 4585 men have gone to the emergency room because of this. I propose we ban all orange zippers on jeans, like the one pictured.
 
2013-03-19 08:14:55 AM  

MayoSlather: 17,616 men blame zippers when trying to do something stupid with their penis.


Raises hand sheepishly
 
2013-03-19 08:16:23 AM  

theknuckler_33: Do  guys really think it is cool to go sans underwear? Or does this phenomenon happen even to underwear-wearing folks?  Either way, I suspect the victims of this are unable to count to potato.


Happened to me once when I was wearing boxers. The worst pain is having to zip back down a bit to free yourself.
 
2013-03-19 08:18:07 AM  
This is a topic that needs an Uncomfortable tag.
 
2013-03-19 08:18:32 AM  
And this is why I have worn 501 jeans since I have been responsible for picking my own clothes out .
 
2013-03-19 08:19:14 AM  
one of the worst pains I have ever experienced. ever.
 
2013-03-19 08:20:46 AM  
If you're dumb (or drunk) enough to go command, you're dumb (or drunk) enough to zip without checking.
 
2013-03-19 08:24:21 AM  
this reminds me of the time in little league when I got hit by a pitch in the dick.  fortunately it was a curveball that bouced right off the head, stung a lot but no more than that and a slightly awkward trip to first base, and depending on how long that rule lasts for, I failed miserably "not to rub it"
 
2013-03-19 08:27:04 AM  
Drunk 24/7. Go commando. Do not understand this problem.
 
2013-03-19 08:31:26 AM  
ZIppers send men to the ER?  Ha.  I send zippers to the repair shop.

I was building a tree house for some under privileged kids this past Saturday.  Had to nail in a board at an awkward angle while on a ladder.  Didn't realize for fifteen or twenty whacks that I was nailing it into my penis.  Looked alright there, so I left it.

On airplanes, I'm not allowed to sit in the exit row seat by the door.  I have to sit in the one by the aisle.  If the shiat were to go down, they want my penis manning the hatch, so I lean over and he sits there.

It's redwood flavored.

When I was a kid, I loved the movie Never Ending Story.  Not for the characters or plot.  I dreamed of someday using Falcor as a talking cock muffler.

You'll know if I've been plowing your wife.  You'll pull down her panties and a bright pink tube sock will roll down.  And you'll frown.

There working on a distributed storage system big enough to host my penis picture website.  There's one image: mypenis.jpg.
 
2013-03-19 08:35:42 AM  

Mutated-Snoopy: I got it caught in the zipper of my footie pajamas when I was really young.  Twice.

/damn thing built up a lot of static, too
//the PJs, not my dingdong
///CSB



Wasn't expecting to LOL (and solidly, at that) in this thread, but... yeah.  CSB.  I do hope you're all better, though.
 
2013-03-19 08:36:38 AM  
Dunno, but it does seem like you can move those things out of the way before zipping.

/just sayin'
 
2013-03-19 08:41:30 AM  
I've done it while drunk. The initial shock was sobering but the "back-tracking" was the part that makes me want to curl up in the shower and cry.
 
2013-03-19 08:42:26 AM  

Bendal




Are that many men out there who forego underwear? I mean, come on; you unzip, whip it out, do your business, tuck it back in the underwear, zip up. I guess if you're going commando the chance that a hair or skin might get caught in the zipper, but you know, that's why they made underwear. To give you an extra layer of protective clothing between personal bits and the toothy zipper beast.

/or you could just unbelt/unbutton the pants when you need to go


There is the fatal design in the standard boxer shorts where a person may have believed that he secured the package. Yet prior to zipping the hangar closed, the dirigible decides to slide out past the boxer opening and in to the line of fire. I've been bitten enough times that I am extra careful when wearing the traditional boxers and packing the Graf Zepplin away.
 
2013-03-19 08:47:04 AM  

Harry Freakstorm: Bendal

Are that many men out there who forego underwear? I mean, come on; you unzip, whip it out, do your business, tuck it back in the underwear, zip up. I guess if you're going commando the chance that a hair or skin might get caught in the zipper, but you know, that's why they made underwear. To give you an extra layer of protective clothing between personal bits and the toothy zipper beast.

/or you could just unbelt/unbutton the pants when you need to go

There is the fatal design in the standard boxer shorts where a person may have believed that he secured the package. Yet prior to zipping the hangar closed, the dirigible decides to slide out past the boxer opening and in to the line of fire. I've been bitten enough times that I am extra careful when wearing the traditional boxers and packing the Graf Zepplin away.


This is why the baby Jesus invented boxer briefs. All the protection of tighty whities, in comfortable, non riding up, form hugging cotton.
 
2013-03-19 09:03:47 AM  

vygramul: Since Newtown, 4585 500+ men have gone to the emergency room because of this. I propose we ban all orange zippers on jeans, like the one pictured.


FTFY.
 
2013-03-19 09:03:55 AM  
using the mens room at the observation deck of the Empire State building when out of the stall came this tiny strained voice,
"Father?  My penis is stuck in my zipper"
Every man in there winced and most of us fled.

"Removing Penis from Zipper" conspicuously absent from Dr Spock's

I never heard any noise - tough little bastard, I'll give him that
 
2013-03-19 09:08:38 AM  
spentmiles:
There working on a distributed storage system big enough to host my penis picture website.  There's one image: mypenis.jpg.

That's nothin'.  Takes a tub of Crisco, four fat women and a team of Clydesdales just to jack me off.

But seriously, 2000 men per year get their dingus caught in a zipper?  I can't even imagine the power of the stupid going on there.  I think may have done this once (and all it takes is the slightest touch that which is cold and metallic) when I was four years old or so and it was the absolute last time.

Dumbasses.
 
2013-03-19 09:15:03 AM  
done in four.  Came for Something About Mary.
 
2013-03-19 09:24:23 AM  
25.media.tumblr.com

Suggest velcro.
 
2013-03-19 09:28:26 AM  
So very scared, I'm in the bathroom reading these comments, but now I have to get back to work.........
 
2013-03-19 09:34:26 AM  
I zipped it up once by accident.

Once was all it took - I have been conscious and careful because of that one incident ever since. Think about it every time I zip up my pants - and it happened 15 years ago.
 
2013-03-19 09:44:31 AM  

Harry Freakstorm: There is the fatal design in the standard boxer shorts where a person may have believed that he secured the package. Yet prior to zipping the hangar closed, the dirigible decides to slide out past the boxer opening and in to the line of fire. I've been bitten enough times that I am extra careful when wearing the traditional boxers and packing the Graf Zepplin away.


Coincidentally, the phrase "Oh, the humanity!" is often heard shortly afterwards.
 
2013-03-19 09:44:32 AM  

bborchar: /the problem with external genitalia is that it is external
//hard to do much about it


you said "hard"
 
2013-03-19 09:47:23 AM  
Like getting a German Shepherd to your junk:
i651.photobucket.com
 
2013-03-19 09:56:46 AM  
You down with YKK?

/ Oh shiat, no way!
 
2013-03-19 10:06:06 AM  
It happened to me a few months ago..wasn't paying attention, my ding-a-ling somehow poked out of my boxers and ZIPPPP.

\Thought I was going to have to go to the hospital, but eventually just grit my teeth and unzipped.
\Was a little tender for a few days
 
2013-03-19 11:14:55 AM  
Aren't men supposed to learn how to tie their shoes and handle a zipper by about age 3? Who are these losers?
 
2013-03-19 11:46:05 AM  
Christopher Lloyd unavailable for comment.

/too obscure?
 
2013-03-19 11:50:40 AM  

big pig peaches: dittybopper: BTW, it's 17,616 over 8 years, or just 2,202 per year.  Probably the same 2,000 people over and over again.

Yeah, but if it were lady parts being injured there would already be a dozen charities holding competing 5k walks/runs by now


What's stopping you from making an injured penis charity?
 
2013-03-19 12:07:05 PM  
Yet another benefit of a short dick.  When soft.  Grower, not a shower.  Yeah, that's the ticket.
 
2013-03-19 12:12:22 PM  

flucto: Sure, text while driving. Go swimming 10 minutes after Thanksgiving dinner. Stick your dick in crazy. But for God's sake, if there's ONE moment in life to be a little extra cautious....


So much this^^
 
2013-03-19 12:20:00 PM  
My most humiliating & painful injury was the time I dropped a cigarette butt between my legs while taking a crap.  GF didn't  buy my explanation of the blister.
 
2013-03-19 12:36:02 PM  
Ahhh I've done it a couple of times. Once as a kid...still got the scar from that one. And once many years later when I was wearing boxers and not paying attention. And yeah freeing the little guy was way more painful than the actual incident.
 
2013-03-19 01:32:33 PM  
Ok -- i almost never wear underpants and i have never ever gotten my dick caught.

i dont know how other peoples physiology works but once the end tucked back in it should be hanging down further than where the zipper starts and it holds everything else in like a retention wall...  I can understand hooking pubes in your zipper... not your dick though.

I wear boxers... Only for nice occasions. Otherwise i end up with a gross sweaty crotch or they ride up or ride down or up my ass and my cock always finds its way out the hole in the front and i feel awkward because you have to put your hand in your pants to pull it back through or go for some time with your cock feeling like its flopping around between your boxers and jeans. It feels weird. Like its in a sock and not in a good way.

\Commando or bust.
 
2013-03-19 01:49:10 PM  

kvinesknows: remembering of course that is only the number that went to the ER.

just like Rape victims, many are too ashamed to report this.


As well as Male Victims of Domestic Violence.

Spent six weeks in Quebec on a language exchange program. Forgot to bring my bathing suit.
I was given one by the family I was staying with. That bathing suit had a zipper. I still have the scar 20 years later.
 
2013-03-19 02:27:41 PM  
what the what?? a bathing suit with a zipper????

cheese eating stink weasels for doing that to you
 
2013-03-19 04:46:38 PM  
2.bp.blogspot.com
Injury-proof closing and easy, um, access...for yourself and intimate friends
 
2013-03-19 05:51:15 PM  

Devolving_Spud: [2.bp.blogspot.com image 850x1274]
Injury-proof closing and easy, um, access...for yourself and intimate friends


came to post similar picture,

nice to see common sense isn't dead
 
2013-03-19 06:52:24 PM  
What about chair related testicle incidents?
 
2013-03-19 07:22:17 PM  

OscarTamerz: I'm betting 99% of these injuries occur in bar bathrooms, after midnight and substantial quantities of alcohol, to people going commando in anticipation of getting lucky when quite the opposite happens.


I am leaning towards guys running from husbands.  They get snagged and fall down in pain, allowing the husband to catch up and beat them soundly enough for an ER visit.  Hence zipper related injuries.
 
2013-03-19 07:22:56 PM  

LordXenu: Someone should stop Lindsay Lohan.


Credit due, that made me lol.
 
2013-03-19 08:34:45 PM  
I'm usually paying attention, but otherwise, button fly boxers or boxer briefs tend to keep my goods safe.

/except a couple times I didn't wear them
//thank the FSM there's no scar
 
2013-03-20 12:51:15 AM  
Is that the frank or the beans?
www.wearysloth.com
 
2013-03-20 01:50:05 AM  
Oh, Oh, you had a bad day.
You had a bad day,
had to go pee,
opened your fly and  caught your fick in in the zipper..........
you had a bad day.
 
2013-03-20 06:34:45 PM  
Alright, I'm gonna pull it out on 3.

1
(unzip followed by a scream)

What happened to 2?
 
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