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(Cracked)   Five situations where it's totally okay to lie   (cracked.com) divider line 28
    More: Silly, Fred Savage, Persian rugs  
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17408 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Mar 2013 at 7:35 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-18 08:42:44 AM  
4 votes:
I hate job interviews with a passion. Had a guy ask me why I wanted to work there and I answered (honestly) "I'm not sure I do yet."

Yes, I got the offer.

Interviewers should get their heads out of their arses. No one who walks through your doors for the first time is seeing themselves there in five years. They are looking for a job and that's it. I bet most people are like me. They LOVE what they do and TOLERATE their company. I doubt it's ever the other way around.
2013-03-18 08:07:32 AM  
4 votes:

Marcintosh: why do I bother to read that crap.


At one point, Cracked articles were funny and sometimes insightful.  Now they just read like an editorial in a school newspaper written by someone whose friends tell him he's funny.
2013-03-18 08:11:25 AM  
3 votes:
Why do I want to work here? To get a paycheck and continue eating, you dipshiat. Don't pretend that you don't know why I want to work here. I want to get paid. Where do I see myself in 5 years? Anywhere that pays me more or is more satisfying than the job I left.
2013-03-18 08:08:29 AM  
3 votes:

KrispyKritter: thecpt: who the fark lies during job interviews?  Quickest way to not get hired IMO

you must be young. bless your heart. seriously the best jobs i ever had, i had no business being in my position. lie through your teeth, they're doing it to you. tell them what they want to hear.


No wonder I'm surrounded by incompetence.
2013-03-18 10:02:21 AM  
2 votes:

kwame: You're overlooking the better alternative. Expressing in a professional way the things that your interviewer is asking without condemning your previous employer. It's entirely possible without lying.



Sorry, but that's little more than a fantasy...

For one thing, it's not always possible. Your previous employer sometimes is worthy of condemnation. For example if you're leaving because of serious issues - ethical, legal, nepotistic management - the next employer doesn't want to hear about that no matter how professionally you put it.

For another, if you DO sanitize it enough to sound palatable you're kidding yourself if you don't think you're still lying.... just politely. Saying that "my previous employer didn't have an environment which provided the kind of challenges and merit based incentives I was looking for" sounds much better then what I really meant - that they worked me like a dog, that the manager was the fiancee of the VP and so didn't lift a finger and could pretty much get away with murder, that they were vindictive and etc.... Putting it "professionally" as you suggest is misleading, which is lying. Pretending it's not a lie is just lying to yourself. But you don't want to tell the whole truth in this case.

And last, the new employer is looking for particular answers to those questions. They don't usually really don't give a shiat what the answer really was... they're just looking to check the box off on their list.

I've lied my face off on those soft questions in every interview I've ever had - and only once have I ever not been offered the job. Just had one two weeks ago to get a promotion... and got it. The one time I didn't get offered a job? I listened to people like you, and answered those soft questions honestly, as nice as I could put it. I corrected that in my next interview and got offered my last job. So yeah, sorry but that's patently bad advice.
2013-03-18 07:53:23 AM  
2 votes:

thecpt: who the fark lies during job interviews?  Quickest way to not get hired IMO


you must be young. bless your heart. seriously the best jobs i ever had, i had no business being in my position. lie through your teeth, they're doing it to you. tell them what they want to hear.
2013-03-18 12:54:48 PM  
1 votes:
But the article says FOUR situa----ohhhhhh.
2013-03-18 11:27:19 AM  
1 votes:

On-Off: It may just be that what you are calling "Expressing in a professional way " would be called plain lying by others.


I'm sure the word "lying" could be defined in a way that any statement would be considered a lie, but I'm talking about willfully providing misleading or inaccurate information.  It's entirely possible to get through an interview without doing that.

JackieRabbit: There was no "invented" information.


JackieRabbit: I just skipped that section of the interview form and made up trite answers to please HR


You didn't ask the question but you provided answers.  Either you're not telling the truth about what you did, or you invented information.
2013-03-18 10:14:37 AM  
1 votes:

mongbiohazard: Sorry, but that's little more than a fantasy...


No, it's not.  It's based in simple communication skills.

mongbiohazard: Your previous employer sometimes is worthy of condemnation.


Certainly, but there is a still a way to express that professionally, and quite frankly, your whole scenario is based on an interview in which someone is pressing you for all the dirty details about your previous employer.  It just doesn't happen that often, and if it does, you always have this one: "I'm sorry, but answering more questions than that puts me in a position to remark on my employer in a way that I don't consider to be professional."  That's a home run answer, it's perfectly honest, and if it doesn't satisfy the interviewer, you don't want to work for them.

mongbiohazard: And last, the new employer is looking for particular answers to those questions. They don't usually really don't give a shiat what the answer really was... they're just looking to check the box off on their list.


Another assumption that isn't correct.  Do you want to share how you know what every interviewer is thinking and what their goal is in an interview?

mongbiohazard: So yeah, sorry but that's patently bad advice.


You don't seem to know how to talk about yourself without either lying or condemning everywhere you came from.  That actually says more about you as an employee than any problems with interview tactics.  You've basically explained that you can't get a job without lying about where you came from and what you can do.
2013-03-18 09:59:29 AM  
1 votes:

JackieRabbit: It was supposed to be only for our use, but then HR decided that they wanted to review them to make sure we were interviewing the way they wanted. I told HR that I was the hiring manager and that I was responsible for the success or failure of a hire, so I would conduct my interviews the way I thought best and not just follow their formula. My CIO backed me up on this and told HR to back off.


If you actually did that, you invented information on a candidate and submitted it to your HR office.  Don't sugar coat it.
2013-03-18 09:52:43 AM  
1 votes:
Really? #1 is sex. We're still dealing with that one? Let's get over ourselves already; we'll have a lot more fun if we can just be honest in bed. And in general, really.

/no honey, I don't perform like a porn star, I actually get really quiet. STFU and let me enjoy myself.
//fortunately the fiancé isn't like that, but jeez porn has nearly ruined it for some people
2013-03-18 09:43:34 AM  
1 votes:

JackieRabbit: God Is My Co-Pirate: Ah, the "what's your greatest weakness" question.  Anyone who asks that deserves to be lied to.

The point of this question is supposed to be to see if the candidate is "self-aware," which has become another stupid buzz phrase. No one is going to answer this question with 100% honesty, but only try to tell you what you want to hear.

A few years back, my company decided that we were going to use behavioral interviewing. We were supposed to take a complete life history starting with high school. I asked "Are you kidding me? I would never insult a 40 year old candidate by asking him/her to tell me about their accomplishments and failures in high school." I was told that it was mandatory for all candidates. Instead of arguing, I just skipped that section of the interview form and made up trite answers to please HR. There's a reason why almost everyone hates HR.


HR is overhead, so they have to constantly justify their existence.
2013-03-18 09:36:52 AM  
1 votes:

mongbiohazard: No one wants to hear that what you didn't like about your previous employer was that they worked you like a dog and treated you like shiat. It may be 100% true, it may be the very reason you're sitting in that room having the interview for a new job... but if you say it you won't get hired the vast majority of the time. The new employer will just identify with your last employer and think you'll be saying the same thing about them in another interview later with someone else....


You're overlooking the better alternative.  Expressing in a professional way the things that your interviewer is asking without condemning your previous employer.  It's entirely possible without lying.
2013-03-18 09:29:11 AM  
1 votes:

imontheinternet: Lying is for amateurs.  It's better to tell the truth while emphasizing the details that tell the story you want to tell.  Truth and persuasion are at least as effective as lying, and you don't have to worry about getting caught and losing a person's trust..


Honestly, if you can't elaborate on your past experience and answer a simple question without lying, there's something seriously wrong.  And if you end up with a job offer after lying about everything you can do, you either just got an offer from idiots or you're in a field that doesn't require much.
2013-03-18 09:26:20 AM  
1 votes:

phenn: I guess I fail to see how it is any of their damn business. When I've interviewed potential employees, I've asked what kind of job they could see themselves really killing, what do they like about their work, what do they dislike, etc. To get a sense of how they will get along with others. I don't care much about their fortune-telling abilities.

And, trust me, you absolutely can love your work and dislike your employer. After 25 years in Corporate America™, I can tell you first hand it's entirely possible.


I guess I don't get many combative and defensive candidates because I've never gotten the impression someone was put off by my trying to get to know them a little better.  Some idea where a person is headed (or if they even have a thought about it) can tell you a lot about them.

phenn: And, trust me, you absolutely can love your work and dislike your employer. After 25 years in Corporate America™, I can tell you first hand it's entirely possible.


I'm sure you're right.  I just wouldn't ever want to do that, but I have the luxury of being able to avoid that kind of environment.
2013-03-18 09:13:30 AM  
1 votes:

KrispyKritter: you must be young. bless your heart. seriously the best jobs i ever had, i had no business being in my position. lie through your teeth, they're doing it to you. tell them what they want to hear.


Best.Advice.

Thanks, Fark!

/currently job hunting
//I'm goin' to the top, biatches
2013-03-18 08:59:20 AM  
1 votes:

JackieRabbit: Years ago, I had a job interview that was like the Inquisition. The panel of interviewers were total assholes and it was obvious to me 10 minutes into the interview that they had their heads so far up their asses and that their culture was so toxic that I was ready to end the interview on the spot. Afterward, I met my recruiter in the lobby and he was on his cell phone. He beamed and told me "they really want you and have an offer!" I told him to forget it; there was know way I'd work with those clowns.


Good for you. You never want to get yourself into a situation like that. I just left a job I had for nearly 6 years because the corporate culture there got so intolerable. Not everyone has the luxury of doing so, but staying away from knuckleheads is a good rule of thumb to follow.
2013-03-18 08:55:47 AM  
1 votes:

JackieRabbit: He beamed and told me "they really want you and have an offer!" I told him to forget it; there was know way I'd work with those clowns.


A lot of employers out there forget that the interview is working both ways.
2013-03-18 08:52:32 AM  
1 votes:

thecpt: who the fark lies during job interviews?  Quickest way to not get hired IMO


Yeah. If you get caught lying in a job interview, you're toast.

phenn: I hate job interviews with a passion. Had a guy ask me why I wanted to work there and I answered (honestly) "I'm not sure I do yet."


That's actually an excellent answer. The job interview is supposed to be a two way street. No one should have a stupid canned answer to this question. Years ago, I had a job interview that was like the Inquisition. The panel of interviewers were total assholes and it was obvious to me 10 minutes into the interview that they had their heads so far up their asses and that their culture was so toxic that I was ready to end the interview on the spot. Afterward, I met my recruiter in the lobby and he was on his cell phone. He beamed and told me "they really want you and have an offer!" I told him to forget it; there was know way I'd work with those clowns.
db2
2013-03-18 08:51:45 AM  
1 votes:
Ray, when someone asks you if you're a god, you say, "YES."
2013-03-18 08:33:00 AM  
1 votes:
"Why do you want to work here?"

"because I am not Paris Hilton so  I have to work"

seriously, this question is the hardest, I always must remember myself that they are not pulling my leg and seriously espect me to enjoy making my exploiters richer.
2013-03-18 08:32:22 AM  
1 votes:

thecpt: who the fark lies during job interviews?  Quickest way to not get hired IMO


I would never lie about qualifications, but those bullshiat HR questions are TOTALLY within your rights to lie up and down the wall.  Next time you interview remember to tell them your real weakness is excessive honesty and you're getting tired of these BS questions by an unqualified twit who couldn't get a real degree, and see how far that takes you.

And companies lie too.  The job description that I was hired with contains skills that I've never used.  In eight years.  I've asked for training and they've told me I don't need it.  But it shows up in the job listings every flipping time.
2013-03-18 08:21:07 AM  
1 votes:
thecpt

I just finished interviewing at a place and the department head said, and I quote as well as memory serves, "people don't leave their job because of money." Why the fark do you think I'm here while I still have another job?

Apparently it's a prevailing sentiment with employers.


They can't actually believe that. I'd say it's probably the most common reason to change jobs. Or perhaps second only to "I'm going to cut the next motherfarker that calls me a minute after sending an email to discuss what's in the email they just sent. I farking hate my life.".
2013-03-18 08:20:00 AM  
1 votes:

doubled99: Oh, STFU


Aw.  Is ums upset?  Does ums need a tummy wub?

F*cking moron.
2013-03-18 08:04:14 AM  
1 votes:
why do I bother to read that crap.
2013-03-18 07:55:09 AM  
1 votes:

KrispyKritter: seriously the best jobs i ever had, i had no business being in my position. lie through your teeth, they're doing it to you. tell them what they want to hear.


Ugh.  That must suck.  I just rely on being qualified for the jobs I'm applying for.  It helps when you have to show up on your first day to be able to do what you promised.
2013-03-18 07:44:05 AM  
1 votes:
Excellent headline.
no, really.
2013-03-18 06:34:21 AM  
1 votes:
"Do you know why I pulled you over?"
"Does this make me look fat?"
 
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