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(Cracked)   Five situations where it's totally okay to lie   (cracked.com) divider line 119
    More: Silly, Fred Savage, Persian rugs  
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17411 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Mar 2013 at 7:35 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-18 04:29:12 AM  
I see what I did there.
 
2013-03-18 05:07:16 AM  
Great find subby.  As a mod/min I'm going to green light this for you!
 
2013-03-18 06:34:21 AM  
"Do you know why I pulled you over?"
"Does this make me look fat?"
 
2013-03-18 07:43:36 AM  
(featured partner)
 
2013-03-18 07:44:05 AM  
Excellent headline.
no, really.
 
2013-03-18 07:46:09 AM  
"would you like fries with that?"

i often lie and say no
cause i'm on a diet
 
2013-03-18 07:48:13 AM  
who the fark lies during job interviews?  Quickest way to not get hired IMO
 
2013-03-18 07:51:51 AM  

thecpt: who the fark lies during job interviews?  Quickest way to not get hired IMO


Right? Obviously the dude's never had a job where you actually have to know what the hell you're doing.
 
2013-03-18 07:51:56 AM  
Immanuel Kant judges the morality of an action on its adherence to the categorical imperative. So lying, even in the cases provided in the article, is morally wrong.

However, telling a truth that is meant to misdirect and confuse is morally acceptable due to the effort to remain true to the categorical imperative. The consequence of an action, in this case to mislead the listener, is irrelevant to whether an action is moral or not.
 
2013-03-18 07:53:23 AM  

thecpt: who the fark lies during job interviews?  Quickest way to not get hired IMO


you must be young. bless your heart. seriously the best jobs i ever had, i had no business being in my position. lie through your teeth, they're doing it to you. tell them what they want to hear.
 
2013-03-18 07:55:09 AM  

KrispyKritter: seriously the best jobs i ever had, i had no business being in my position. lie through your teeth, they're doing it to you. tell them what they want to hear.


Ugh.  That must suck.  I just rely on being qualified for the jobs I'm applying for.  It helps when you have to show up on your first day to be able to do what you promised.
 
2013-03-18 07:56:31 AM  
These are all correct.   Although if you have the opportunity to lie with all 4 at the same time, you might have some issues.
 
2013-03-18 07:57:44 AM  
Everyone lies in job interviews, some to the interviewer and some to themselves.
 
2013-03-18 07:59:08 AM  
what if they ask her did you molest her
 
2013-03-18 08:04:14 AM  
why do I bother to read that crap.
 
2013-03-18 08:07:32 AM  

Marcintosh: why do I bother to read that crap.


At one point, Cracked articles were funny and sometimes insightful.  Now they just read like an editorial in a school newspaper written by someone whose friends tell him he's funny.
 
2013-03-18 08:08:29 AM  

KrispyKritter: thecpt: who the fark lies during job interviews?  Quickest way to not get hired IMO

you must be young. bless your heart. seriously the best jobs i ever had, i had no business being in my position. lie through your teeth, they're doing it to you. tell them what they want to hear.


No wonder I'm surrounded by incompetence.
 
2013-03-18 08:09:41 AM  
Missing:


Lying to yourself. About anything and everything.
 
2013-03-18 08:11:25 AM  
Why do I want to work here? To get a paycheck and continue eating, you dipshiat. Don't pretend that you don't know why I want to work here. I want to get paid. Where do I see myself in 5 years? Anywhere that pays me more or is more satisfying than the job I left.
 
2013-03-18 08:12:18 AM  

kwame: Now they just read like an editorial in a school newspaper written by someone whose friends tell him he's funny.


Depends on their writer/editor and subject matter.  They are still insightful if they have a historical premise or let's say a subject that you could of had in school.  If it's a made up thing like this, then it's likely stupid opinion.

I like their movie ones
 
2013-03-18 08:14:16 AM  

gadian: Anywhere that pays me more or is more satisfying than the job I left.


I just finished interviewing at a place and the department head said, and I quote as well as memory serves, "people don't leave their job because of money."  Why the fark do you think I'm here while I still have another job?

Apparently it's a prevailing sentiment with employers.
 
2013-03-18 08:15:25 AM  

gadian: Why do I want to work here? To get a paycheck and continue eating, you dipshiat. Don't pretend that you don't know why I want to work here. I want to get paid. Where do I see myself in 5 years? Anywhere that pays me more or is more satisfying than the job I left.


when they ask me that, i tell them i want to be a singer for a band
 
2013-03-18 08:17:00 AM  

kwame: KrispyKritter: seriously the best jobs i ever had, i had no business being in my position. lie through your teeth, they're doing it to you. tell them what they want to hear.

Ugh.  That must suck.  I just rely on being qualified for the jobs I'm applying for.  It helps when you have to show up on your first day to be able to do what you promised.


Oh, kwame. What *won't* you say?
 
2013-03-18 08:17:43 AM  
Fark politics tab missing. List is incomplete.
 
2013-03-18 08:18:32 AM  
seriously the best jobs i ever had, i had no business being in my position. lie through your teeth, they're doing it to you. tell them what they want to hear.

Ugh.  That must suck.  I just rely on being qualified for the jobs I'm applying for.  It helps when you have to show up on your first day to be able to do what you promised.



Oh, STFU
 
2013-03-18 08:20:00 AM  

doubled99: Oh, STFU


Aw.  Is ums upset?  Does ums need a tummy wub?

F*cking moron.
 
2013-03-18 08:20:34 AM  

thecpt: I just finished interviewing at a place and the department head said, and I quote as well as memory serves, "people don't leave their job because of money."  Why the fark do you think I'm here while I still have another job?


Because he lied to get  HISjob,
 
2013-03-18 08:21:06 AM  
"There are varying degrees of dishonesty that occur during interviews, and while some people make up work history, references, skills, family, and even endearing qualities, we'll ignore them for now, because those people are so advanced at lying that if I were to expose them here and now they'd likely have me pushing up daisies by the end of the week and just tell the authorities that I probably committed suicide by kissing that outboard motor with my hands tied behind my back and people would believe them because they lie really, really well."

I really, really like sentences like that. No lie.
 
2013-03-18 08:21:07 AM  
thecpt

I just finished interviewing at a place and the department head said, and I quote as well as memory serves, "people don't leave their job because of money." Why the fark do you think I'm here while I still have another job?

Apparently it's a prevailing sentiment with employers.


They can't actually believe that. I'd say it's probably the most common reason to change jobs. Or perhaps second only to "I'm going to cut the next motherfarker that calls me a minute after sending an email to discuss what's in the email they just sent. I farking hate my life.".
 
2013-03-18 08:25:51 AM  
Link's blocked at my work.  Is one of them "if you are a politician"?
 
2013-03-18 08:29:18 AM  
Stupid article is stupi...uh, I mean.  GREAT ARTICLE!  WOO!  I'VE NEVER BEEN SO WELL-INFORMED!!

*wink*
 
2013-03-18 08:30:30 AM  
I read this whole article.
 
2013-03-18 08:30:56 AM  
Lies make Baby Jesus cry.
 
2013-03-18 08:31:08 AM  
My wife, Morgan Fairchild, loves this headline.
 
2013-03-18 08:31:58 AM  

I have lied at job interview I have ever had.  When they ask what my hobbies are or ask what I like to do when I am not working, I always reply with reading, walking my dog, playing a pick up volley ball game, volunteering with disabled veterans or some such crap.

I wouldn't get the job if I told that when I am not work, I am devoted to stock piling as much weaponry as possible, perfecting my recipe for napalm, building my underground bunker, and stalking Christopher Walken.

 
2013-03-18 08:32:11 AM  

illannoyin: Fark politics tab missing. List is incomplete.


Big league politics tab in washington too.
 
2013-03-18 08:32:22 AM  

thecpt: who the fark lies during job interviews?  Quickest way to not get hired IMO


I would never lie about qualifications, but those bullshiat HR questions are TOTALLY within your rights to lie up and down the wall.  Next time you interview remember to tell them your real weakness is excessive honesty and you're getting tired of these BS questions by an unqualified twit who couldn't get a real degree, and see how far that takes you.

And companies lie too.  The job description that I was hired with contains skills that I've never used.  In eight years.  I've asked for training and they've told me I don't need it.  But it shows up in the job listings every flipping time.
 
2013-03-18 08:33:00 AM  
"Why do you want to work here?"

"because I am not Paris Hilton so  I have to work"

seriously, this question is the hardest, I always must remember myself that they are not pulling my leg and seriously espect me to enjoy making my exploiters richer.
 
2013-03-18 08:41:00 AM  

Molavian: thecpt: who the fark lies during job interviews?  Quickest way to not get hired IMO

Right? Obviously the dude's never had a job where you actually have to know what the hell you're doing.


He's a politician?
 
2013-03-18 08:41:34 AM  

thecpt: gadian: Anywhere that pays me more or is more satisfying than the job I left.

I just finished interviewing at a place and the department head said, and I quote as well as memory serves, "people don't leave their job because of money."  Why the fark do you think I'm here while I still have another job?

Apparently it's a prevailing sentiment with employers.


I would have thought in the main that the money is part of what attracts people to a given employer, so normally if they leave - having known the money in advance - it is usually going to be non-monetary factors such as boss/coworkers suck or otherwise a bad environment that you wouldn't be able to tell before working there for a while. The only real exception would be where someone has gained several years of experience, or a particularly valuable skill they didn't have before, but their pay hasn't advanced much, so moving elsewhere is a way of effectively getting a promotion/pay rise.

I guess you also have people moving out of an "underemployment" situation after a recession, but that is usually as much about having a proper career and not getting stuck with your degree or whatever flipping burgers, that it pays better is not the entire motivation.
 
2013-03-18 08:42:44 AM  
I hate job interviews with a passion. Had a guy ask me why I wanted to work there and I answered (honestly) "I'm not sure I do yet."

Yes, I got the offer.

Interviewers should get their heads out of their arses. No one who walks through your doors for the first time is seeing themselves there in five years. They are looking for a job and that's it. I bet most people are like me. They LOVE what they do and TOLERATE their company. I doubt it's ever the other way around.
 
2013-03-18 08:42:53 AM  

KrispyKritter: thecpt: who the fark lies during job interviews? Quickest way to not get hired IMO

you must be young. bless your heart. seriously the best jobs i ever had, i had no business being in my position. lie through your teeth, they're doing it to you. tell them what they want to hear.


Depends of the question.  Here are some questions that come to mind that are open to lieing:

"What is your greatest weakness?" -- An answer like, 'Pissing away half the day on Fark' won't get you the job.

"Did you have any problems with your previous employer?" -- Answer like, "Yeah, that asshole doesn't know her head from a hole in the ground" won't get you hired.  An answer like, "you know working for her will be the thing I miss the most when I move on" will keep the interviewers interest.
 
2013-03-18 08:43:04 AM  
It's not a lie, if I believe it.
 
2013-03-18 08:44:33 AM  
Oooh! Let me try: This article was funny and full of wit.

/actually generally a fan of Cracked...sad.
 
2013-03-18 08:46:26 AM  
Celebrities lie like knockoff Persian rugs thrust into the fierce gravitational pull of Jupiter all the time.

So it finally happened. I finally found a line on cracked so bad that I just couldn't get past it.

gadian: thecpt

I just finished interviewing at a place and the department head said, and I quote as well as memory serves, "people don't leave their job because of money." Why the fark do you think I'm here while I still have another job?

Apparently it's a prevailing sentiment with employers.

They can't actually believe that. I'd say it's probably the most common reason to change jobs. Or perhaps second only to "I'm going to cut the next motherfarker that calls me a minute after sending an email to discuss what's in the email they just sent. I farking hate my life.".


Geographic location ranks pretty high up there as well.

/said as I'm trying to get the fark out of Maryland and as far away as possible
 
2013-03-18 08:47:19 AM  

phenn: No one who walks through your doors for the first time is seeing themselves there in five years. They are looking for a job and that's it. I bet most people are like me. They LOVE what they do and TOLERATE their company. I doubt it's ever the other way around.


The point of that five years question isn't to get confirmation that you'll be there in five years.  It's to see if you are thinking at all about your future and to get a sense of what you want to do with yourself.  I don't really think you can love what you do without some kind of investment in where you work.  It just doesn't make sense.

Muta: "Did you have any problems with your previous employer?" -- Answer like, "Yeah, that asshole doesn't know her head from a hole in the ground" won't get you hired. An answer like, "you know working for her will be the thing I miss the most when I move on" will keep the interviewers interest.


You're not capable of figuring out a positive way to answer that question honestly?  Yikes.
 
2013-03-18 08:51:15 AM  
Before RTA, I thought it was a continuation of the story below, as in,"no, honey, I don't love your brothers more than you."
 
2013-03-18 08:51:40 AM  

AverageAmericanGuy: Immanuel Kant judges the morality of an action on its adherence to the categorical imperative. So lying, even in the cases provided in the article, is morally wrong.

However, telling a truth that is meant to misdirect and confuse is morally acceptable due to the effort to remain true to the categorical imperative. The consequence of an action, in this case to mislead the listener, is irrelevant to whether an action is moral or not.


"Luckily, the Captain was sober today..."
 
db2
2013-03-18 08:51:45 AM  
Ray, when someone asks you if you're a god, you say, "YES."
 
2013-03-18 08:52:32 AM  

thecpt: who the fark lies during job interviews?  Quickest way to not get hired IMO


Yeah. If you get caught lying in a job interview, you're toast.

phenn: I hate job interviews with a passion. Had a guy ask me why I wanted to work there and I answered (honestly) "I'm not sure I do yet."


That's actually an excellent answer. The job interview is supposed to be a two way street. No one should have a stupid canned answer to this question. Years ago, I had a job interview that was like the Inquisition. The panel of interviewers were total assholes and it was obvious to me 10 minutes into the interview that they had their heads so far up their asses and that their culture was so toxic that I was ready to end the interview on the spot. Afterward, I met my recruiter in the lobby and he was on his cell phone. He beamed and told me "they really want you and have an offer!" I told him to forget it; there was know way I'd work with those clowns.
 
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