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(Chicago Trib)   If you accidentally shoot yourself in the groin, don't try to tell the cops that ninjas did it   (chicagotribune.com) divider line 38
    More: Dumbass, Chicago Police Department, semiautomatic pistols, Mirabelli  
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3440 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Mar 2013 at 3:40 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



38 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-03-17 01:27:59 PM  
Ninjas are vindictive folk.
 
2013-03-17 02:03:23 PM  
Shoulda told 'em it was pirates.
 
2013-03-17 02:10:48 PM  
2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-03-17 02:49:20 PM  
Would you believe Japanese mobsters?

How about George Takei with his phaser set to stun?
 
2013-03-17 03:12:54 PM  
I will cover my most shameful moments as I please, submitter. *harumph*
 
2013-03-17 03:42:29 PM  
In his defense, he said "guys in Ninja masks" not "ninjas. HUGE difference. You never see the ninjas
 
2013-03-17 03:43:20 PM  
I know, right?  Everyone knows that ninjas don't use guns.  He should have said it was pirates.
 
2013-03-17 03:47:20 PM  

Happy Hours: Would you believe Japanese mobsters?

How about George Takei with his phaser set to stun?


25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-03-17 03:50:31 PM  
Yep. All the right people have the guns in our society.

I think the gun control question is a self-correcting problem. All the dingleberries will shoot themselves eventually, and all the responsible gun nuts and survivalists will hole up in their bunker and await the apocalypse.
 
2013-03-17 03:51:53 PM  
NINJAS DON'T USE GUNS!
 
2013-03-17 03:52:02 PM  
Blame a minority, they would have taken that, and found a suspect.
 
2013-03-17 03:52:58 PM  
You have already suggested how much of a moron you are by shooting yourself in the groin. Why not make up a unbelievable story and remove all doubt
 
2013-03-17 03:54:09 PM  
It was a gremlin or kobold.
 
2013-03-17 03:54:13 PM  
No joke - I have three friends who've been robbed by ninjas.  They all worked the same convenience store, and two dudes in ninja masks held them up with katana three times in one week.  Well, two times really, because the third time my buddy ran after them with a bat, caught the 15 yr old, who subsequently ratted out his 35 yr old accomplice.
 
2013-03-17 04:00:52 PM  
The teen's injuries were not considered life-threatening, Mirabelli said.

Well that's unfortunate
 
2013-03-17 04:00:58 PM  
i.imgur.com
/what the ninja might look like
 
2013-03-17 04:09:44 PM  
"The boy was at Loyola Hospital in Maywood with a wound to his left groin area when police were called there at 8:15 p.m., Mirabelli said."

Pelvis or penis?

Sounds like he should get together with the gun in her vagina area lady.
 
2013-03-17 04:11:01 PM  
Ninjas put something in my rectum.
 
2013-03-17 04:11:29 PM  

ZeroCorpse: Yep. All the right people have the guns in our society.

I think the gun control question is a self-correcting problem. All the dingleberries will shoot themselves eventually, and all the responsible gun nuts and survivalists will hole up in their bunker and await the apocalypse.


I'm pretty sure federal law requires you to be 18 to be gifted a handgun.

So, once again, criminals don't follow the law.
 
2013-03-17 04:22:20 PM  
img.photobucket.com

Unimpressed.
 
2013-03-17 04:23:17 PM  

Satanic_Hamster: I know, right?  Everyone knows that ninjas don't use guns.  He should have said it was pirates.


DrMcNinja: NINJAS DON'T USE GUNS!


TFA "police interviewed potential witnesses and reviewed surveillance video but failed to find any evidence of the attack "

That's because NINJAS! They wouldn't be good at their job if they were seen every five minutes.
 
2013-03-17 04:23:19 PM  
FTFA: "Eventually, the boy, who has gang ties, told police he was driving in a vehicle with several female friends when he was playing with a gun and it discharged in his lap and struck him. "


That was unnecessary information. Gang ties can mean 'Uncle he's never met is in the pen for trafficking weed' or even 'Lives on the same street as  such and such'.

As for the kid saying some dudes jumped out of a car wearing 'ninja masks', maybe that's what they call it out there instead of the tried and true (and stereotypical) 'ski mask'.

Wonder how many people the cops lined up as suspects before the kid admitted the truth?

Wonder if the cops relentless pushing the kid instead of immediately taking his statement as truth, like with the suburban versions of this story, tells us more about the cops?
 
2013-03-17 04:42:19 PM  
By the way, have any of you farkers ever seen a real live ninja? I'm betting they ride unicorns.
 
2013-03-17 04:46:56 PM  
Ninjas do not use guns or injure people in the groin--if we did use guns, we'd shot to kill, silently, cleanly and quickly.

Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to our Lord.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... I'll come in again. (goes out, comes back in)

Aha! I fooled you. I'm not a Ninja at all. I'm the Spanish Inquisition. Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition in a Ninja thread! Ha! ha!


Maybe a little in a pirate thread.
 
2013-03-17 05:20:54 PM  

The One True TheDavid: By the way, have any of you farkers ever seen a real live ninja? I'm betting they ride unicorns.


They ride grithers.
 
2013-03-17 05:51:43 PM  
A ninja gave me pinkeye.


They are assholes.
 
2013-03-17 05:54:27 PM  
hopefully they stealthily sterilized his harbles at the hospital so he doesn't procreate (again, if he already has)

this is a profound level of stupidity.  There's ignorant, there's dumb, and there's how-is-he-still-breathing?-stupid.

but still not as stupid as the lack of mental agility that thinks autoplay video is a good idea.  This is a level of intellectual underachievement on a par with tasered planarian worms.
 
2013-03-17 06:18:44 PM  

weapon13: Satanic_Hamster: I know, right?  Everyone knows that ninjas don't use guns.  He should have said it was pirates.

DrMcNinja: NINJAS DON'T USE GUNS!

TFA "police interviewed potential witnesses and reviewed surveillance video but failed to find any evidence of the attack "

That's because NINJAS! They wouldn't be good at their job if they were seen every five minutes.




Instructional photo.
i248.photobucket.com
 
2013-03-17 07:04:38 PM  
It was NINJAS...

media.comicvine.com
 
2013-03-17 07:55:09 PM  

Happy Hours: Would you believe Japanese mobsters?

How about George Takei with his phaser set to stun?


img.photobucket.com

Howabout?
 
2013-03-17 08:19:21 PM  

Pants full of macaroni!!: [img.photobucket.com image 446x400]

Unimpressed.


*sings* "Everybody was Kung-Fu fighting. Those Ninjas were fast as lightning. It was a little bit frightening. Whoa-ho-ho-HO!!" (Now I gotta go.)
 
2013-03-17 08:20:34 PM  
When I was 17, me and my trust funded friend "Fat Robert" were coked out of our minds, early one morning way before dawn, and ended up in the yard wearing black shirts and pants, and night vision goggles. I swear to you, he had me convinced there were Ninjas in that tree line outside.

Good times.

My point being, I can understand how sometimes folks can see Ninjas.
 
2013-03-17 08:23:44 PM  
Ninja problems.
 
2013-03-17 10:01:29 PM  
Um.....like I was walking down the street, and holding this bullet, and I tripped, and the bullet like drove itself into my groin.
 
2013-03-17 10:20:41 PM  
 
2013-03-18 02:51:29 AM  

Because People in power are Stupid: Ninjas are vindictive folk.


Ninjas are also mammals.
 
2013-03-18 02:53:53 AM  

Sim Tree: Shoulda told 'em it was pirates.


Sure, pirates coulda shot him.  A pirate can do what he wants 'cause a pirate is free.
 
2013-03-18 12:00:51 PM  
The tats on the neck were the first clue the police had that this idiot probably shot himself.
 
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