If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Cracked)   Five myths about the Revolutionary War everyone believes. Or why Texas will cry itself to sleep tonight   (cracked.com) divider line 181
    More: Interesting, Revolutionary War, Texas, Americans, Continental Army, Benedict Arnold, Call of Duty 2, loyalists, British Military  
•       •       •

28517 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Mar 2013 at 2:24 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



181 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-03-17 11:31:08 PM

Need_MindBleach: So, in other words, your point has nothing to do with the actual discussion, you're just here to educate us ignorant Americans about things we already knew. Good job.


AH! Insults rather any support for your weak superiority argument. Welcome to IGNORE and have fun there.
 
2013-03-17 11:37:44 PM

Mister Peejay: The French government basically had a plan for one type of invasion, Germany circumvented it, the military stuck to their now-irrelevant plan because THE PLAN, then the government rolled over and gave in because game over.

But the actual people, on the other hand...


Everyone knew that Germany would circumvent the Maginot line by going through Belgium, because that's exactly how they invaded during WWI.  But building fortifications along the French-Belgian border would have essentially been telling the Belgians they'd better start learning German.
 
2013-03-17 11:40:44 PM

GoldenEagle: Mister Peejay: The French government basically had a plan for one type of invasion, Germany circumvented it, the military stuck to their now-irrelevant plan because THE PLAN, then the government rolled over and gave in because game over.

But the actual people, on the other hand...

Everyone knew that Germany would circumvent the Maginot line by going through Belgium, because that's exactly how they invaded during WWI.  But building fortifications along the French-Belgian border would have essentially been telling the Belgians they'd better start learning German.


They learned it soon enough.
 
2013-03-17 11:41:09 PM

dickfreckle: iheartscotch: // he was also 7 ft tall and rode a T-Rex into battle.

Washington actually was pretty tall for his time (6' 2" is what I always read). Even by today's standards that's up there. In the history books I've read he's always noted as being physically imposing. No word on if he quarterbacked the New England Patriots.


Back then they were the Boston Patriots. Led by General Babe Parilli, guarded by Sam Adams.
 
2013-03-17 11:42:09 PM

flyinglizard: iheartscotch: planes: Another Revolutionary War myth:

Wealthy George Washington continued to live a luxurious life during the winter at Valley Forge, all charged to his Continental Congress expense account. (new window)

George Washington once, singlehandedly, besieged Yorktown and forced the capitulation of England's forces. He also never told a lie and nailed King George's mistress every night.

/ George Washington is the greatest president we've ever had. He could have been king of the United States; but, he stuck to his principles and was generally awesome.

// he was also 7 ft tall and rode a T-Rex into battle.

Bang a gong.


Get it on.
 
2013-03-17 11:49:18 PM

Old enough to know better: dickfreckle: This is why French hate always bewilders me. Not only did they supply us, but they loaned us notable badasses like Francis Marion (Swamp Fox). I'm no military expert, but it seems clear that without the French we would have lost.

In 2003 we demonized them as pussies for not going along with the Iraq thing. Even when they spearheaded Libya we questioned why we should be taking a backseat role.


Freedom Fries. Freedom Toast....

I think most of the hate comes from WWII. Something I never understood either. Yeah they surrendered. After getting their asses beat by the German army. Just like, y'know, most of western Europe?

Folks might also want to research the French in WWI.


Nah, then they'll just call them cowards for the mutinies. Personally, I give them credit for being the only ones to wise up to the fact that literally marching into machinegun fire was literally getting them no where.
 
2013-03-18 12:06:39 AM

HairBolus: Need_MindBleach: So, in other words, your point has nothing to do with the actual discussion, you're just here to educate us ignorant Americans about things we already knew. Good job.

AH! Insults rather any support for your weak superiority argument. Welcome to IGNORE and have fun there.


I never said anything remotely close to "superiority" or discounting the French contribution to victory in the war, I was calling you out for interrupting an unrelated discussion in order to smugly "educate" everyone about something we already knew. If you can't take being offended, you're on the wrong website.
 
rka
2013-03-18 12:35:37 AM

dickfreckle: This is why French hate always bewilders me. Not only did they supply us, but they loaned us notable badasses like Francis Marion (Swamp Fox). I'm no military expert, but it seems clear that without the French we would have lost.

In 2003 we demonized them as pussies for not going along with the Iraq thing. Even when they spearheaded Libya we questioned why we should be taking a backseat role.

Speaking of 2003, in those days I lived in the French Quarter of New Orleans. One guy who had a French flag (along with America and Louisiana) atop his property took it down, explaining to me that there was no room for pussies on his rooftop. I was incredulous. Thing is, those who objected have now been proven right. I walk by that same building nearly every day and the flag is still gone.

Freedom Fries. Freedom Toast....


Because history didn't stop with the Revolutionary War. Immediately after we won our independence the French tried to make the US practically a tribute paying vassal state of its own.

And after the French themselves had their revolution, everyone associated with even token support of the US was overthrown anyways. The France of 1776 was shattered. The ally of the American Revolution was drowned in a pool of blood.
 
2013-03-18 01:02:10 AM

notmtwain: Vive la France.

Forever our hearts will be grateful.


I need to check my personal library for a book pointing out how much America and France shared for our first hundred and twenty years that showed how much we both shared in revolutionary spirit, and hating the English. To the point that "Lafayette, we are here" truly does bring down the house.

Then again, I was just listening to How Things Work podcast about why America doesn't have the metric system and one of the early points was France telling us to screw off and not come to their unveiling of "Le Metrique"
 
2013-03-18 01:10:29 AM

rka: dickfreckle: This is why French hate always bewilders me. Not only did they supply us, but they loaned us notable badasses like Francis Marion (Swamp Fox). I'm no military expert, but it seems clear that without the French we would have lost.

In 2003 we demonized them as pussies for not going along with the Iraq thing. Even when they spearheaded Libya we questioned why we should be taking a backseat role.

Speaking of 2003, in those days I lived in the French Quarter of New Orleans. One guy who had a French flag (along with America and Louisiana) atop his property took it down, explaining to me that there was no room for pussies on his rooftop. I was incredulous. Thing is, those who objected have now been proven right. I walk by that same building nearly every day and the flag is still gone.

Freedom Fries. Freedom Toast....

Because history didn't stop with the Revolutionary War. Immediately after we won our independence the French tried to make the US practically a tribute paying vassal state of its own.

And after the French themselves had their revolution, everyone associated with even token support of the US was overthrown anyways. The France of 1776 was shattered. The ally of the American Revolution was drowned in a pool of blood.


This too. Napoleon was the Hitler of his day, and the French revolution? Holy shiat.  NO WAY did the rest of Monarchical Europe want to hear this Rights of Man shiat that involved slaying aristocrats in large numbers. It's like the Montana Freemen turned all their manifestos into a giant execution circlejerk in D.C..
 
2013-03-18 01:16:25 AM
timeonhands.files.wordpress.com
America, better believe we will come to murder you on Christmas.
 
2013-03-18 01:17:25 AM

Fano: rka: dickfreckle: This is why French hate always bewilders me. Not only did they supply us, but they loaned us notable badasses like Francis Marion (Swamp Fox). I'm no military expert, but it seems clear that without the French we would have lost.

In 2003 we demonized them as pussies for not going along with the Iraq thing. Even when they spearheaded Libya we questioned why we should be taking a backseat role.

Speaking of 2003, in those days I lived in the French Quarter of New Orleans. One guy who had a French flag (along with America and Louisiana) atop his property took it down, explaining to me that there was no room for pussies on his rooftop. I was incredulous. Thing is, those who objected have now been proven right. I walk by that same building nearly every day and the flag is still gone.

Freedom Fries. Freedom Toast....

Because history didn't stop with the Revolutionary War. Immediately after we won our independence the French tried to make the US practically a tribute paying vassal state of its own.

And after the French themselves had their revolution, everyone associated with even token support of the US was overthrown anyways. The France of 1776 was shattered. The ally of the American Revolution was drowned in a pool of blood.

This too. Napoleon was the Hitler of his day, and the French revolution? Holy shiat.  NO WAY did the rest of Monarchical Europe want to hear this Rights of Man shiat that involved slaying aristocrats in large numbers. It's like the Montana Freemen turned all their manifestos into a giant execution circlejerk in D.C..


Hannibal is at the gates.
 
2013-03-18 01:27:23 AM

thornhill: ImpendingCynic: thornhill: James Madison's diary from the constitutional convention makes it very clear that the reason behind "the right to bear arms" was to pacify anti-federalists who didn't want the federal government to have the authority to establish and maintain an army because it could be used to boss around states. It's really all about anti-federalist paranoia.

Makes more sense than today's "the reason to have guns is to fight for the right to have guns."

Madison's journal is a really interesting read (especially when you consider he did most of the drafting for the Constitution and then wrote the Bill of Rights). Much of the general debate during the convention was driven by anti-federalist paranoia. Despite the Articles of Confederation being a disaster, many delegates loathed to sign on to anything that would reduce their homestate's sovereignty and autonomy (which is why the Federalist Papers are all about debunking anti-Federalist claims and promoting the idea of Federalism).

Other fun Madison readings are his extremely strong and clear views in a separation of church and state. He was even against congressional chaplains! Talk about something that will make the GOP cry.


I know someone that vehemently claims that Governor Morris actually wrote it.
 
2013-03-18 01:59:22 AM

alwaysjaded: CPT Ethanolic: Here's another much believed myth - that Washington was some kind of super-general.  In reality, the guy bungled things over and over in the beginning and SHOULD have lost if Howe hadn't bungled things even worse at Boston and New York.  Early on, MANY surrounding Washington considered him incompetent and actively petitioned to have him removed from command.
I've always enjoyed telling homophobes that one of the greatest Revolutionary war heroes was kicked out of the military for being gay.


Nice!
 
2013-03-18 02:31:27 AM

Summoner101: GAT_00: 1. Subby should be kicked in the nads for linking page 2.
2. Cracked fails as usual for not including Paul Revere.  Warning people that the British were coming would have only confused people when they all thought of themselves as British.

I thought he warned everyone the Red Coats were coming.


You forgot about the Shot Heard 'Round the World.

Or if you like a more modern version.
 
2013-03-18 07:22:51 AM

ciberido: alwaysjaded: CPT Ethanolic: Here's another much believed myth - that Washington was some kind of super-general.  In reality, the guy bungled things over and over in the beginning and SHOULD have lost if Howe hadn't bungled things even worse at Boston and New York.  Early on, MANY surrounding Washington considered him incompetent and actively petitioned to have him removed from command.
I've always enjoyed telling homophobes that one of the greatest Revolutionary war heroes was kicked out of the military for being gay.

Nice!





So which was he? A man who bungled things or a hero?
 
2013-03-18 08:06:26 AM
giftedmadness:
So which was he? A man who bungled things or a hero?

Why can't he be both?

macobbshatshoppe.com
 
2013-03-18 08:39:54 AM
Well that was half assed. When was this guy last in school? 1963? We had all this info in the 90s. In fifth grade.
 
2013-03-18 09:31:18 AM

CPT Ethanolic: Here's another much believed myth - that Washington was some kind of super-general.  In reality, the guy bungled things over and over in the beginning and SHOULD have lost if Howe hadn't bungled things even worse at Boston and New York.  Early on, MANY surrounding Washington considered him incompetent and actively petitioned to have him removed from command.


I always thought he was excellent at the operational aspects, deferring combat as much as possible.  Also he held the forces together when lesser generals would have had them fall apart.

He did suck at tactics, and needed badass guys like Nathaniel Greene and Daniel Morgan to win battles.
 
2013-03-18 09:43:19 AM

mekki: iheartscotch: George Washington was 7 feet tall; with laserbeem eyes that never failed, to kill.

Nathaniel Greene was a mountain of a man, with a "born to kill" tattoo.

Between nailing all of the wives and mistresses of the British officers, Ben Franklin singlehandedly forced the French to admit he was awesome and help the US.

Thomas Jefferson once killed a British spy with a writing quill.

Sam Adams singlehandedly supplied all the beer for the colonists. His beer survives to this day.

And once again John Adams is ignored.

/Sit down, John!


John Adams: It doesn't matter. I won't be in the history books anyway, only you. Franklin did this and Franklin did that and Franklin did some other damn thing. Franklin smote the ground and out sprang George Washington, fully grown and on his horse. Franklin then electrified him with his miraculous lightning rod and the three of them - Franklin, Washington, and the horse - conducted the entire revolution by themselves.
 
2013-03-18 09:58:08 AM

tira: Well that was half assed. When was this guy last in school? 1963? We had all this info in the 90s. In fifth grade.


A lot of people still believe those myths.
 
2013-03-18 10:03:12 AM

bill_01915: Need_MindBleach: unchellmatt: It would be nice if "conservatives" who tout their patriotism and how they model themselves after the founding fathers could actually read a bit of history. They'd find that, in a very real sense, they would have been "loyalists".

Yep. The founding members of the US were, in fact, progressives and pretty much liberals of their day. They wanted change from the status quo, wanted ... gasp! ... progress for their people, wanted to basically muck about with the system.

Oh the amusement.

The root cause for the opposition to the government was over taxes. The Brits ran up a sizable debt fighting the French and Indian war and thought the colonists should help pay for it. The revolutionaries didn't want to pay for the war that was fought on their behalf - hence the original tea party, opposition to the stamp tax etc. Fighting wars and opposing the taxes to pay for them. Which party does that sound like to you?

Saying the war was fought over taxes is kind of a gross oversimplification. The conflict between Britain-Colonies started due to taxes, but by the time the actual war broke out, the only tax was on tea, and it cost the British more to collect it than it actually brought in.

HairBolus:

I don't understand your point, dude. I know about the Seven Years War. It had still been 12 years since it ended. The British and French had been at each others' throats for more than 100 years, they were the French and British during the 18th century, natural rivals. The French still didn't jump into the colonial fight until 3 years in, after they were sure they wouldn't be getting their soldiers killed for a failed revolt.

No doubt you could write a dissertation on the chain of events that led to a shooting war, but I think it's fair to argue that the colonists were never so happy to be Brittish than they were after the French and Indian war. That attitude soured with the new taxes. The Stamp Act 1765, and the Townshend Acts 1767

lead to unrest. Troops occupy Boston in 1768 leads to the Boston Massacre 1770. The Tea Act in 1773 leads to the tea party leads to the closure of the port of Boston. Colonists seize militia cannons under guard of Brittish soldiers and sneak then out of Boston in 1774 leads to Lexington and Concord 1775. True most of the taxes were repealed in an effort to de-escalate the situation but it was too little/too late.

One thing that is often overlooked is that the Tea Act actually made British tea cheaper. People were ticked off that it was taxed under the Townsend Acts, but a part of the opposition to the Tea Act was because it undercut the prices of smuggled Dutch tea.
 
2013-03-18 11:08:59 AM

dickfreckle: SomeoneDumb: I have it on good authoritah that Revere was "He who warned the British that they weren't going to be taking away our arms by ringing those bells and making sure as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free and we were going to be armed. "

My parents actually compared Fox News to Paul Revere, claiming they were the patriotic warning everyone needed to hear. It was such a stupid remark (Thanksgiving dinner, of course) that I more or less backed slowly out of the room.

Christ, I hate holiday dinners. It's why I always try to score some non-prescription Mexican Valiums before I go. It's the one time of year I really abuse pills.


I would hear more about the bold text...I could use some myself for in-law holiday visits
 
2013-03-18 11:16:28 AM

redmid17: GoldenEagle: Mister Peejay: The French government basically had a plan for one type of invasion, Germany circumvented it, the military stuck to their now-irrelevant plan because THE PLAN, then the government rolled over and gave in because game over.

But the actual people, on the other hand...

Everyone knew that Germany would circumvent the Maginot line by going through Belgium, because that's exactly how they invaded during WWI.  But building fortifications along the French-Belgian border would have essentially been telling the Belgians they'd better start learning German.

They learned it soon enough.


The plan at the time was pretty sound. The Maginot Line went up to the Ardennes and north of the Ardennes the British would line up. At the time only one country thought it could send an army through the forest worth anything.

The one small problem was that the one country that could send an army through the Ardennes forest fast enough to work was the Germans.
 
2013-03-18 12:53:33 PM

StoPPeRmobile: [timeonhands.files.wordpress.com image 600x347]
America, better believe we will come to murder you on Christmas.

  We will kill you in your SLEEP on Christmas.

FIFY
 
2013-03-18 01:00:36 PM

Fissile: StoPPeRmobile: [timeonhands.files.wordpress.com image 600x347]
America, better believe we will come to murder you on Christmas.  We will kill you in your SLEEP on Christmas.

FIFY FTFY




FTFY.
 
2013-03-18 04:42:33 PM

Digitalstrange: Actually Maxor the 'Quasi-War" mention was specifically because the French expected more influence on our future for what they put into it. That's one of the reasons why most of us Americans don't feel any warmth towards the French for their help in our revolution.

1 Their help was to fark England. not help us. Much like we once were Afghanistans friend because they resisted the Soviets

2 after the war they tried to pressure our gov

3 in the World Wars following they required rescuing both times, and past that they strongarmed us into Vietnam.


Really? I was under the impression that we did a good job of staying out of it when it was their war, then changed our minds when they lost and got involved on our own accord.
 
2013-03-18 05:13:37 PM

TomD9938: SurelyShirley: Neither did the Germans, but we still didn't call fermented cabbage "sour freedom".

Plenty of Germanic statues were melted down or stored, things renamed, etc. during WW1.

Probably not as ridiculous as renaming french fries, but that's an awful low bar.


That would be Liberty Cabbage
 
2013-03-18 05:30:41 PM

Medic Zero: Digitalstrange: Actually Maxor the 'Quasi-War" mention was specifically because the French expected more influence on our future for what they put into it. That's one of the reasons why most of us Americans don't feel any warmth towards the French for their help in our revolution.

1 Their help was to fark England. not help us. Much like we once were Afghanistans friend because they resisted the Soviets

2 after the war they tried to pressure our gov

3 in the World Wars following they required rescuing both times, and past that they strongarmed us into Vietnam.

Really? I was under the impression that we did a good job of staying out of it when it was their war, then changed our minds when they lost and got involved on our own accord.


They dragged us into it. We weren't at Dien Bien Phu because we wanted to be.
 
2013-03-19 11:27:57 AM

SurelyShirley: Kurmudgeon: brantgoose: What did the French ever do for Americans?

The problem was the French didn't fall inline with Bush Administration lies.
They got Dixie Chicked.
Nothing at all wrong with the French.

Neither did the Germans, but we still didn't call fermented cabbage "sour freedom".


That's because really good propaganda focuses on one target.
 
2013-03-19 11:42:01 AM

Mister Peejay: TomD9938: SurelyShirley: Neither did the Germans, but we still didn't call fermented cabbage "sour freedom".

Plenty of Germanic statues were melted down or stored, things renamed, etc. during WW1.

Probably not as ridiculous as renaming french fries, but that's an awful low bar.

Yeah, that bar is pretty low.

Crap, gotta go, my Salisbury Steak is burning...


That was named for the inventor, Dr. James Steak.

Gotta go. My Welsh rabbit is getting cold.
 
Displayed 31 of 181 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report