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(Cracked)   Five myths about the Revolutionary War everyone believes. Or why Texas will cry itself to sleep tonight   (cracked.com) divider line 181
    More: Interesting, Revolutionary War, Texas, Americans, Continental Army, Benedict Arnold, Call of Duty 2, loyalists, British Military  
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28519 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Mar 2013 at 2:24 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-17 11:15:30 AM  
Obviously the author of this article is some kind of "turerist".
 
2013-03-17 11:25:07 AM  
True story.

The First Amendment as we now it, was really meant to be the 6th Amendment, but some moran farked up and submitted the 2nd page to Congress first after reading through it.

The right to a speedy trial and stuff was really supposed to be the First Amendment.
 
2013-03-17 11:43:55 AM  
1. Subby should be kicked in the nads for linking page 2.
2. Cracked fails as usual for not including Paul Revere.  Warning people that the British were coming would have only confused people when they all thought of themselves as British.
 
2013-03-17 12:47:03 PM  

GAT_00: 1. Subby should be kicked in the nads for linking page 2.
2. Cracked fails as usual for not including Paul Revere.  Warning people that the British were coming would have only confused people when they all thought of themselves as British.


I thought he warned everyone the Red Coats were coming.
 
2013-03-17 12:47:52 PM  

Summoner101: GAT_00: 1. Subby should be kicked in the nads for linking page 2.
2. Cracked fails as usual for not including Paul Revere.  Warning people that the British were coming would have only confused people when they all thought of themselves as British.

I thought he warned everyone the Red Coats were coming.


That is, he warned everyone in addition to those that helped him considering the multiple riders.
 
2013-03-17 01:26:49 PM  
The best book I ever read about the Revolution was 1776 by David McCullogh. Really gave a good picture of just how much of a miracle it was that we won that war.

Also why I loved HBO's adaptation of John Adams. The second episode specifically. The portrayals of flawed people was much more refreshing than the "George Washington rides in on Jesus waves with a bald eagle on his shoulder and has TJ draft the Constitution in British blood while farking a girl named Liberty" myth.
 
2013-03-17 01:33:09 PM  
Once again Reality imitates Art
cdn.hotstockmarket.com
 
vpb [TotalFark]
2013-03-17 01:35:30 PM  

alwaysjaded: The best book I ever read about the Revolution was 1776 by David McCullogh. Really gave a good picture of just how much of a miracle it was that we won that war.

Also why I loved HBO's adaptation of John Adams. The second episode specifically. The portrayals of flawed people was much more refreshing than the "George Washington rides in on Jesus waves with a bald eagle on his shoulder and has TJ draft the Constitution in British blood while farking a girl named Liberty" myth.


The girl named liberty was a myth?  What was her real name then?
 
2013-03-17 01:39:31 PM  
vpb:

The girl named liberty was a myth?  What was her real name then?

Destiny
 
2013-03-17 01:40:00 PM  
Here's another much believed myth - that Washington was some kind of super-general.  In reality, the guy bungled things over and over in the beginning and SHOULD have lost if Howe hadn't bungled things even worse at Boston and New York.  Early on, MANY surrounding Washington considered him incompetent and actively petitioned to have him removed from command.
 
2013-03-17 01:49:21 PM  

CPT Ethanolic: Here's another much believed myth - that Washington was some kind of super-general.  In reality, the guy bungled things over and over in the beginning and SHOULD have lost if Howe hadn't bungled things even worse at Boston and New York.  Early on, MANY surrounding Washington considered him incompetent and actively petitioned to have him removed from command.


Maybe that's why his monument is a huge phallic symbol
 
2013-03-17 01:53:18 PM  

CPT Ethanolic: Here's another much believed myth - that Washington was some kind of super-general.  In reality, the guy bungled things over and over in the beginning and SHOULD have lost if Howe hadn't bungled things even worse at Boston and New York.  Early on, MANY surrounding Washington considered him incompetent and actively petitioned to have him removed from command.

I've always enjoyed telling homophobes that one of the greatest Revolutionary war heroes was kicked out of the military for being gay.

 
2013-03-17 02:11:10 PM  

alwaysjaded: I've always enjoyed telling homophobes that one of the greatest Revolutionary war heroes was kicked out of the military for being gay.


Oh shiat that made me laugh. Freaking awesome.  Thanks for the link and welcome to my favs.
 
2013-03-17 02:18:13 PM  

Via Infinito: alwaysjaded: I've always enjoyed telling homophobes that one of the greatest Revolutionary war heroes was kicked out of the military for being gay.

Oh shiat that made me laugh. Freaking awesome.  Thanks for the link and welcome to my favs.


Spread the word. That nugget gave me endless amusement a while back when the hot button issue was gays in the military. Really rubbed the zealots the wrong way when they found out one of the fathers of our military was a sword enthusiast.
 
2013-03-17 02:28:02 PM  

alwaysjaded: vpb:

The girl named liberty was a myth?  What was her real name then?

Destiny


Actually, it was Destini.

You know, with an "i". She was the one with the live goldfish in her 7 inch pups.
 
2013-03-17 02:29:39 PM  
It was the war that created the greatest nation on earth, therefore it was the greatest war ever fought. What part is tough to understand?
 
2013-03-17 02:29:40 PM  
Texas wasn't even a state at the time so I don't know what they'd be sad about... they had about as much involvement in the revolutionary war as Korea did.
 
2013-03-17 02:29:41 PM  
Pumps.

PUMPS

Goddammitsomuch I really need to learn how to type.
 
2013-03-17 02:32:18 PM  
The north didn't actually "win".
 
2013-03-17 02:35:04 PM  

alwaysjaded: Via Infinito: alwaysjaded: I've always enjoyed telling homophobes that one of the greatest Revolutionary war heroes was kicked out of the military for being gay.

Oh shiat that made me laugh. Freaking awesome.  Thanks for the link and welcome to my favs.

Spread the word. That nugget gave me endless amusement a while back when the hot button issue was gays in the military. Really rubbed the zealots the wrong way when they found out one of the fathers of our military was a sword enthusiast.



They will just say it is revisionist history to fit the "gay agenda".
 
2013-03-17 02:36:51 PM  
George Washington was 7 feet tall; with laserbeem eyes that never failed, to kill.

Nathaniel Greene was a mountain of a man, with a "born to kill" tattoo.

Between nailing all of the wives and mistresses of the British officers, Ben Franklin singlehandedly forced the French to admit he was awesome and help the US.

Thomas Jefferson once killed a British spy with a writing quill.

Sam Adams singlehandedly supplied all the beer for the colonists. His beer survives to this day.
 
2013-03-17 02:39:59 PM  

alwaysjaded: The best book I ever read about the Revolution was 1776 by David McCullogh. Really gave a good picture of just how much of a miracle it was that we won that war.

Also why I loved HBO's adaptation of John Adams. The second episode specifically. The portrayals of flawed people was much more refreshing than the "George Washington rides in on Jesus waves with a bald eagle on his shoulder and has TJ draft the Constitution in British blood while farking a girl named Liberty" myth.


Was that before or after George Washington singlehandedly killed all the hessians at the battle of bunker hill?
 
2013-03-17 02:40:52 PM  

iheartscotch: George Washington was 7 feet tall; with laserbeem eyes that never failed, to kill.

Nathaniel Greene was a mountain of a man, with a "born to kill" tattoo.

Between nailing all of the wives and mistresses of the British officers, Ben Franklin singlehandedly forced the French to admit he was awesome and help the US.

Thomas Jefferson once killed a British spy with a writing quill.

Sam Adams singlehandedly supplied all the beer for the colonists. His beer survives to this day.


And once again John Adams is ignored.

/Sit down, John!
 
2013-03-17 02:42:00 PM  

Summoner101: Summoner101: GAT_00: 1. Subby should be kicked in the nads for linking page 2.
2. Cracked fails as usual for not including Paul Revere.  Warning people that the British were coming would have only confused people when they all thought of themselves as British.

I thought he warned everyone the Red Coats were coming.

That is, he warned everyone in addition to those that helped him considering the multiple riders.


Revere never actually got through, he got caught.  But "Revere" rhymes well, so he's who we remember.
 
2013-03-17 02:42:27 PM  

Summoner101: GAT_00: 1. Subby should be kicked in the nads for linking page 2.
2. Cracked fails as usual for not including Paul Revere.  Warning people that the British were coming would have only confused people when they all thought of themselves as British.

I thought he warned everyone the Red Coats were coming.


By LAND! By LAND!
 
2013-03-17 02:45:45 PM  

GAT_00: 1. Subby should be kicked in the nads for linking page 2.
2. Cracked fails as usual for not including Paul Revere.  Warning people that the British were coming would have only confused people when they all thought of themselves as British.


I




People know that parts of the Paul Revere ride is a myth. This list is more about the newer beliefs or general lack of knowledge.
 
2013-03-17 02:46:12 PM  

mekki: iheartscotch: George Washington was 7 feet tall; with laserbeem eyes that never failed, to kill.

Nathaniel Greene was a mountain of a man, with a "born to kill" tattoo.

Between nailing all of the wives and mistresses of the British officers, Ben Franklin singlehandedly forced the French to admit he was awesome and help the US.

Thomas Jefferson once killed a British spy with a writing quill.

Sam Adams singlehandedly supplied all the beer for the colonists. His beer survives to this day.

And once again John Adams is ignored.

/Sit down, John!


John Adams once mailed a very stern, but polite letter to King George; asking if King George would mind, terribly, if the colonies could have representatives in parliament.
 
2013-03-17 02:46:59 PM  
This is why French hate always bewilders me. Not only did they supply us, but they loaned us notable badasses like Francis Marion (Swamp Fox). I'm no military expert, but it seems clear that without the French we would have lost.

In 2003 we demonized them as pussies for not going along with the Iraq thing. Even when they spearheaded Libya we questioned why we should be taking a backseat role.

Speaking of 2003, in those days I lived in the French Quarter of New Orleans. One guy who had a French flag (along with America and Louisiana) atop his property took it down, explaining to me that there was no room for pussies on his rooftop. I was incredulous. Thing is, those who objected have now been proven right. I walk by that same building nearly every day and the flag is still gone.

Freedom Fries. Freedom Toast....
 
2013-03-17 02:49:28 PM  
So basically we were fed an equivalent amount of BS about our history as the Soviets were back in the old days.
 
2013-03-17 02:49:33 PM  
I have it on good authoritah that Revere was "He who warned the British that they weren't going to be taking away our arms by ringing those bells and making sure as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free and we were going to be armed. "
 
2013-03-17 02:49:46 PM  

Summoner101: Summoner101: GAT_00: 1. Subby should be kicked in the nads for linking page 2.
2. Cracked fails as usual for not including Paul Revere.  Warning people that the British were coming would have only confused people when they all thought of themselves as British.

I thought he warned everyone the Red Coats were coming.

That is, he warned everyone in addition to those that helped him considering the multiple riders.


I though, you know, it was he who warned the British that they weren't going to be taking away our arms, by ringing those bells and making sure, as he is riding his horse through town, to send those warning shots and bells, that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free.
 
2013-03-17 02:50:14 PM  

SomeoneDumb: I have it on good authoritah that Revere was "He who warned the British that they weren't going to be taking away our arms by ringing those bells and making sure as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free and we were going to be armed. "


Thanks for the aneurism.
 
2013-03-17 02:50:41 PM  

SomeoneDumb: I have it on good authoritah that Revere was "He who warned the British that they weren't going to be taking away our arms by ringing those bells and making sure as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free and we were going to be armed. "


13 seconds. Shakes fist.
 
2013-03-17 02:52:02 PM  

Deathfrogg: alwaysjaded: vpb:

The girl named liberty was a myth?  What was her real name then?

Destiny

Actually, it was Destini.

You know, with an "i". She was the one with the live goldfish in her 7 inch pups.


You mean Destinii...
 
2013-03-17 02:54:31 PM  
You know, the whole Revolutionary War didn't actually take place.
 
2013-03-17 02:55:34 PM  
Here's an episode of Crash Course covering the topic in an interesting way.
 
2013-03-17 02:55:37 PM  

alwaysjaded: The best book I ever read about the Revolution was 1776 by David McCullogh. Really gave a good picture of just how much of a miracle it was that we won that war.

Also why I loved HBO's adaptation of John Adams. The second episode specifically. The portrayals of flawed people was much more refreshing than the "George Washington rides in on Jesus waves with a bald eagle on his shoulder and has TJ draft the Constitution in British blood while farking a girl named Liberty" myth.


 Woah, I'm getting gypped in the "myth" department.

 Who's your author?
 
2013-03-17 02:55:50 PM  

SomeoneDumb: I have it on good authoritah that Revere was "He who warned the British that they weren't going to be taking away our arms by ringing those bells and making sure as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free and we were going to be armed. "


My parents actually compared Fox News to Paul Revere, claiming they were the patriotic warning everyone needed to hear. It was such a stupid remark (Thanksgiving dinner, of course) that I more or less backed slowly out of the room.

Christ, I hate holiday dinners. It's why I always try to score some non-prescription Mexican Valiums before I go. It's the one time of year I really abuse pills.
 
2013-03-17 02:56:25 PM  

CPT Ethanolic: Here's another much believed myth - that Washington was some kind of super-general.  In reality, the guy bungled things over and over in the beginning and SHOULD have lost if Howe hadn't bungled things even worse at Boston and New York.  Early on, MANY surrounding Washington considered him incompetent and actively petitioned to have him removed from command.


Himself included.
 
2013-03-17 02:59:06 PM  

dickfreckle: This is why French hate always bewilders me. Not only did they supply us, but they loaned us notable badasses like Francis Marion (Swamp Fox). I'm no military expert, but it seems clear that without the French we would have lost.

In 2003 we demonized them as pussies for not going along with the Iraq thing. Even when they spearheaded Libya we questioned why we should be taking a backseat role.

Speaking of 2003, in those days I lived in the French Quarter of New Orleans. One guy who had a French flag (along with America and Louisiana) atop his property took it down, explaining to me that there was no room for pussies on his rooftop. I was incredulous. Thing is, those who objected have now been proven right. I walk by that same building nearly every day and the flag is still gone.

Freedom Fries. Freedom Toast....


Um Francis Marion was born in South Carolina. I'd have to double check but I'm pretty sure he fought against the French in the French and Indian war, at least fought for the British
 
2013-03-17 02:59:14 PM  

alwaysjaded: vpb:

The girl named liberty was a myth?  What was her real name then?

Destiny Sinutab


FTFY
 
2013-03-17 03:00:09 PM  
Another Revolutionary War myth:

 www.global-air.com

Wealthy George Washington continued to live a luxurious life during the winter at Valley Forge, all charged to his Continental Congress expense account. (new window)
 
2013-03-17 03:02:16 PM  
Why does Cracked hate America?
 
2013-03-17 03:02:22 PM  
It would be nice if "conservatives" who tout their patriotism and how they model themselves after the founding fathers could actually read a bit of history. They'd find that, in a very real sense, they would have been "loyalists".

Yep. The founding members of the US were, in fact, progressives and pretty much liberals of their day. They wanted change from the status quo, wanted ... gasp! ... progress for their people, wanted to basically muck about with the system.

Oh the amusement.
 
2013-03-17 03:05:05 PM  
I thought it was fairly common knowledge that without the French, it was game over for the Americans.

Also, how does Texas fit in to this? Wasnt it a Spanish concern in those days?

/ never heard of the chick with the cannons
 
2013-03-17 03:05:11 PM  
The 2nd Amendment had nothing to do with ensuring "the government is afraid of it's citizens" that was born not out of the Revolutionary war but rather that, as well with most of the US Bill of Rights, its almost word for word a rehash the 1689 English Bill of Rights that the Colonialist already lived under.
 
2013-03-17 03:05:30 PM  

alwaysjaded: vpb:

The girl named liberty was a myth?  What was her real name then?

Destiny


Many fist Destiny?
 
2013-03-17 03:06:33 PM  

iheartscotch: George Washington was 7 feet tall; with laserbeem eyes that never failed, to kill.

Nathaniel Greene was a mountain of a man, with a "born to kill" tattoo.

Between nailing all of the wives and mistresses of the British officers, Ben Franklin singlehandedly forced the French to admit he was awesome and help the US.

Thomas Jefferson once killed a British spy with a writing quill.

Sam Adams singlehandedly supplied all the beer for the colonists. His beer survives to this day.


Dont forget the lightning bolts from his arse.
 
2013-03-17 03:06:37 PM  
It Must be a good thing I never paid attention in high school history class.

I've said the following for years now:
"If it wasn't for the French, we'd all be speaking English right now".

Amazing how much that pisses some people off.
 
2013-03-17 03:09:17 PM  
Benedict Arnold was one of America greatest commanders until he committed treason, citing incompetence.
The man who spent all of his money financing the war was never reimbursed and died in poverty afterwards.
The troops at Valley Forge would have been fine if the leaders of the revolution had decided to actually fund it, but they balked at the price.


I've had complaints from parents that I teach the "true history" rather than "feel good history."

/real quotes from real parents.
 
2013-03-17 03:09:46 PM  

thisisyourbrainonFark: SomeoneDumb: I have it on good authoritah that Revere was "He who warned the British that they weren't going to be taking away our arms by ringing those bells and making sure as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free and we were going to be armed. "

13 seconds. Shakes fist.


I love how Sarah Palin quotes are entering our modern lexicon.
 
2013-03-17 03:11:17 PM  
seems legit.  Didja hear?  Iraq has weapons of -stop me if you've heard this before-
 
2013-03-17 03:11:33 PM  
Say what you want about the French, but one thing is sure, they dont take any crap from muslims.
 
2013-03-17 03:11:42 PM  

alwaysjaded: CPT Ethanolic: Here's another much believed myth - that Washington was some kind of super-general.  In reality, the guy bungled things over and over in the beginning and SHOULD have lost if Howe hadn't bungled things even worse at Boston and New York.  Early on, MANY surrounding Washington considered him incompetent and actively petitioned to have him removed from command.
I've always enjoyed telling homophobes that one of the greatest Revolutionary war heroes was kicked out of the military for being gay.


As cool as it would be, the one comment on the page definitely made me think. The author provides no sources and every other site that mentions the same thing provides no sources or links to other gay website contributions.

Just because some guys writes about it on the internet does not mean it is true. This story is ambiguous at best and only became a story when don't ask don't tell was being debated and repealed.
 
2013-03-17 03:14:45 PM  

mekki: iheartscotch: George Washington was 7 feet tall; with laserbeem eyes that never failed, to kill.

Nathaniel Greene was a mountain of a man, with a "born to kill" tattoo.

Between nailing all of the wives and mistresses of the British officers, Ben Franklin singlehandedly forced the French to admit he was awesome and help the US.

Thomas Jefferson once killed a British spy with a writing quill.

Sam Adams singlehandedly supplied all the beer for the colonists. His beer survives to this day.

And once again John Adams is ignored.

/Sit down, John!


At leats John doesn't have his name associated with crappy beer.
 
2013-03-17 03:15:38 PM  
least
dammit, FIFM
 
2013-03-17 03:16:02 PM  
Also BS:

2.bp.blogspot.com
The most accurate part of the whole game is the fact that Paul Revere's house appears in Boston as part of it.
 
2013-03-17 03:16:31 PM  

Summoner101: GAT_00: 1. Subby should be kicked in the nads for linking page 2.
2. Cracked fails as usual for not including Paul Revere.  Warning people that the British were coming would have only confused people when they all thought of themselves as British.

I thought he warned everyone the Red Coats were coming.


We've got no reds under the bed...
 
2013-03-17 03:16:41 PM  

planes: Another Revolutionary War myth:

 

Wealthy George Washington continued to live a luxurious life during the winter at Valley Forge, all charged to his Continental Congress expense account. (new window)


George Washington once, singlehandedly, besieged Yorktown and forced the capitulation of England's forces. He also never told a lie and nailed King George's mistress every night.

/ George Washington is the greatest president we've ever had. He could have been king of the United States; but, he stuck to his principles and was generally awesome.

// he was also 7 ft tall and rode a T-Rex into battle.
 
2013-03-17 03:17:26 PM  

ActionJoe: alwaysjaded: CPT Ethanolic: Here's another much believed myth - that Washington was some kind of super-general.  In reality, the guy bungled things over and over in the beginning and SHOULD have lost if Howe hadn't bungled things even worse at Boston and New York.  Early on, MANY surrounding Washington considered him incompetent and actively petitioned to have him removed from command.
I've always enjoyed telling homophobes that one of the greatest Revolutionary war heroes was kicked out of the military for being gay.

As cool as it would be, the one comment on the page definitely made me think. The author provides no sources and every other site that mentions the same thing provides no sources or links to other gay website contributions.

Just because some guys writes about it on the internet does not mean it is true. This story is ambiguous at best and only became a story when don't ask don't tell was being debated and repealed.


I looked at the talk page on his wikipedia article. It wasn't included in his article for pretty much h the same reason. The only concrete proof anyone could provide was an allegation of honosexuality. It's not surprising that he wasn't retained in the Prussian army. He was neither high ranking, of nobility, or influential.

I don't care one way or the other but it doesn't seem its as cut and dry as that article portrays it.
 
2013-03-17 03:21:47 PM  

dennysgod: The 2nd Amendment had nothing to do with ensuring "the government is afraid of it's citizens" that was born not out of the Revolutionary war but rather that, as well with most of the US Bill of Rights, its almost word for word a rehash the 1689 English Bill of Rights that the Colonialist already lived under.


James Madison's diary from the constitutional convention makes it very clear that the reason behind "the right to bear arms" was to pacify anti-federalists who didn't want the federal government to have the authority to establish and maintain an army because it could be used to boss around states. It's really all about anti-federalist paranoia.
 
2013-03-17 03:23:16 PM  

redmid17: dickfreckle: This is why French hate always bewilders me. Not only did they supply us, but they loaned us notable badasses like Francis Marion (Swamp Fox). I'm no military expert, but it seems clear that without the French we would have lost.

In 2003 we demonized them as pussies for not going along with the Iraq thing. Even when they spearheaded Libya we questioned why we should be taking a backseat role.

Speaking of 2003, in those days I lived in the French Quarter of New Orleans. One guy who had a French flag (along with America and Louisiana) atop his property took it down, explaining to me that there was no room for pussies on his rooftop. I was incredulous. Thing is, those who objected have now been proven right. I walk by that same building nearly every day and the flag is still gone.

Freedom Fries. Freedom Toast....

Um Francis Marion was born in South Carolina. I'd have to double check but I'm pretty sure he fought against the French in the French and Indian war, at least fought for the British


Sonofa... yeah I was wrong. All my life I thought he had actually come from the French military. Look, when I'm wrong, I'm wrong. Thanks for clearing that up for me.
 
2013-03-17 03:27:47 PM  

Oldiron_79: iheartscotch: George Washington was 7 feet tall; with laserbeem eyes that never failed, to kill.

Nathaniel Greene was a mountain of a man, with a "born to kill" tattoo.

Between nailing all of the wives and mistresses of the British officers, Ben Franklin singlehandedly forced the French to admit he was awesome and help the US.

Thomas Jefferson once killed a British spy with a writing quill.

Sam Adams singlehandedly supplied all the beer for the colonists. His beer survives to this day.

Dont forget the lightning bolts from his arse.


John Paul Jones tops all that nancy shiat
 
2013-03-17 03:32:24 PM  
George Washington owned 300 slaves - true.
 
2013-03-17 03:34:34 PM  

falcon176: Oldiron_79: iheartscotch: George Washington was 7 feet tall; with laserbeem eyes that never failed, to kill.

Nathaniel Greene was a mountain of a man, with a "born to kill" tattoo.

Between nailing all of the wives and mistresses of the British officers, Ben Franklin singlehandedly forced the French to admit he was awesome and help the US.

Thomas Jefferson once killed a British spy with a writing quill.

Sam Adams singlehandedly supplied all the beer for the colonists. His beer survives to this day.

Dont forget the lightning bolts from his arse.

John Paul Jones tops all that nancy shiat


Did he ride his faithful Tyrannosaurus rex, daisy, into the battle of Saratoga and smack those damn Brits right in the face? I think not!
 
2013-03-17 03:35:39 PM  

iheartscotch: // he was also 7 ft tall and rode a T-Rex into battle.


Washington actually was pretty tall for his time (6' 2" is what I always read). Even by today's standards that's up there. In the history books I've read he's always noted as being physically imposing. No word on if he quarterbacked the New England Patriots.
 
2013-03-17 03:37:50 PM  
I'll admit it.  Cracked is one of my favorite things about the Internet.
 
2013-03-17 03:39:48 PM  
Vive la France.

Forever our hearts will be grateful.
 
2013-03-17 03:42:59 PM  

IntertubeUser: I'll admit it.  Cracked is one of my favorite things about the Internet.


Agreed. I don't smoke a lot of pot but when I do, I spend hours there. Well, that and Zombo.com. Even as a humor site, Cracked tries to source their seemingly outrageous claims, and I dig that. But mostly it's just funny as hell.
 
2013-03-17 03:47:13 PM  
Surprised this didn't get posted yet.
Oldy but a goody
 
2013-03-17 03:48:26 PM  

thornhill: James Madison's diary from the constitutional convention makes it very clear that the reason behind "the right to bear arms" was to pacify anti-federalists who didn't want the federal government to have the authority to establish and maintain an army because it could be used to boss around states. It's really all about anti-federalist paranoia.


Makes more sense than today's "the reason to have guns is to fight for the right to have guns."
 
2013-03-17 03:48:48 PM  

GAT_00: 1. Subby should be kicked in the nads for linking page 2.
2. Cracked fails as usual for not including Paul Revere.  Warning people that the British were coming would have only confused people when they all thought of themselves as British.


Already covered.
 
2013-03-17 03:49:43 PM  

alwaysjaded: CPT Ethanolic: Here's another much believed myth - that Washington was some kind of super-general.  In reality, the guy bungled things over and over in the beginning and SHOULD have lost if Howe hadn't bungled things even worse at Boston and New York.  Early on, MANY surrounding Washington considered him incompetent and actively petitioned to have him removed from command.
I've always enjoyed telling homophobes that one of the greatest Revolutionary war heroes was kicked out of the military for being gay.


Nope, that's just rumor, go read the wiki discussion about it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talk%3AFriedrich_Wilhelm_von_Steuben and you'll find only people repeating rumors, back to what may have been just a typical way to slander a rival in 18th century Europe. That he never married and left his estate to his former Aides-de-camp is certainly suspect; but then the article you link offers his assertion in his will as proof of a sexual relationship : Steuban admitting an "extraordinarily intense emotional relationship...", but then leaving out the second part of that quote:  "...treating them as surrogate sons". Not really the smoking gun that author wanted you to believe.
 
2013-03-17 03:50:37 PM  
FTFA: "the whole battle for American independence was essentially a proxy war between Britain and France".

Yeah, Britain and France were engaged in a world wide war. Something not covered in US textbooks was that the British thought their Caribbean colonies were more valuable than the future US because they were - they generated more money.

Textbooks won't teach that keeping Jamaica was more essential than keeping the US.
 
2013-03-17 03:54:32 PM  
It actually scares me a bit to think there are actually people out there that will read a Cracked "5 myths" articles and walk away thinking they have some kind of esoteric historical knowledge.
 
2013-03-17 03:54:38 PM  

BokChoy: Texas wasn't even a state at the time so I don't know what they'd be sad about... they had about as much involvement in the revolutionary war as Korea did.


Actually it was it was part of the spanish colony of
Coahuila y Tejas they even succeeded from mexico together in the 1830s but the republic of the rio grande lost texas.
 
2013-03-17 03:55:47 PM  

dickfreckle: This is why French hate always bewilders me. Not only did they supply us, but they loaned us notable badasses like Francis Marion (Swamp Fox). I'm no military expert, but it seems clear that without the French we would have lost.

In 2003 we demonized them as pussies for not going along with the Iraq thing. Even when they spearheaded Libya we questioned why we should be taking a backseat role.



Indeed.   The attitude we have about the French is farkin' shameful.   This nation would not exist without them.   Washington had Cornwallis pinned against the farking French fleet at Yorktown, preventing his escape.   When Cornwallis attempted his first surrender, it was to Rochambeau, not Washington.  Rochambeau told him to go fark himself and surrender to Washington.   There aught to be a farking memorial to that man in Washington DC.
 
2013-03-17 03:56:12 PM  

Summoner101: Summoner101: GAT_00: 1. Subby should be kicked in the nads for linking page 2.
2. Cracked fails as usual for not including Paul Revere.  Warning people that the British were coming would have only confused people when they all thought of themselves as British.

I thought he warned everyone the Red Coats were coming.

That is, he warned everyone in addition to those that helped him considering the multiple riders.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BcThr-lSXLM

6:30
 
2013-03-17 03:58:26 PM  

BokChoy: Texas wasn't even a state at the time so I don't know what they'd be sad about... they had about as much involvement in the revolutionary war as Korea did.


Subby is referring to the crappy textbooks Texas uses.
 
2013-03-17 03:58:44 PM  
iheartscotch:
Sam Adams singlehandedly supplied all the beer for the colonists. His beer survives to this day.

That explains why it tastes 230 years old.
 
2013-03-17 04:02:14 PM  

Maxor: BokChoy: Texas wasn't even a state at the time so I don't know what they'd be sad about... they had about as much involvement in the revolutionary war as Korea did.

Actually it was it was part of the spanish colony of
Coahuila y Tejas they even succeeded from mexico together in the 1830s but the republic of the rio grande lost texas.


I'm glad they were secessful.
 
2013-03-17 04:02:38 PM  

dickfreckle: This is why French hate always bewilders me. Not only did they supply us, but they loaned us notable badasses like Francis Marion (Swamp Fox). I'm no military expert, but it seems clear that without the French we would have lost.

In 2003 we demonized them as pussies for not going along with the Iraq thing. Even when they spearheaded Libya we questioned why we should be taking a backseat role.


Freedom Fries. Freedom Toast....


I think most of the hate comes from WWII. Something I never understood either. Yeah they surrendered. After getting their asses beat by the German army. Just like, y'know, most of western Europe?

Folks might also want to research the French in WWI.
 
2013-03-17 04:04:16 PM  

unchellmatt: It would be nice if "conservatives" who tout their patriotism and how they model themselves after the founding fathers could actually read a bit of history. They'd find that, in a very real sense, they would have been "loyalists".

Yep. The founding members of the US were, in fact, progressives and pretty much liberals of their day. They wanted change from the status quo, wanted ... gasp! ... progress for their people, wanted to basically muck about with the system.

Oh the amusement.


Yep. Probably the best part is that the founding fathers believed in not having a standing army, because that would lead to going around and starting wars with other countries when they felt they just wanted to be left alone in their own little place in the world. Hence, the whole "well-regulated militia" part of the second amendment; without a federally subsidized army, it was thought that the local militias would provide enough defense from invaders and annoying natives.

The whole idea of pre-emptive strike, and nation building would've caused the founding fathers to have frilly shirted strokes.

Granted, over time, it was pretty quickly realized that A) a federally subsidized Navy is the only way to handle ocean disputes, since, let's say, Georgia isn't going to call up their local militias to go an defend waters by New York, and B) after a few skirmishes and battle that didn't go over too well, the big thinkers eventually re-considered this position.
 
2013-03-17 04:05:10 PM  

iheartscotch: planes: Another Revolutionary War myth:

Wealthy George Washington continued to live a luxurious life during the winter at Valley Forge, all charged to his Continental Congress expense account. (new window)

George Washington once, singlehandedly, besieged Yorktown and forced the capitulation of England's forces. He also never told a lie and nailed King George's mistress every night.

/ George Washington is the greatest president we've ever had. He could have been king of the United States; but, he stuck to his principles and was generally awesome.

// he was also 7 ft tall and rode a T-Rex into battle.


Bang a gong.
 
2013-03-17 04:06:17 PM  

dickfreckle: redmid17: dickfreckle: This is why French hate always bewilders me. Not only did they supply us, but they loaned us notable badasses like Francis Marion (Swamp Fox). I'm no military expert, but it seems clear that without the French we would have lost.

In 2003 we demonized them as pussies for not going along with the Iraq thing. Even when they spearheaded Libya we questioned why we should be taking a backseat role.

Speaking of 2003, in those days I lived in the French Quarter of New Orleans. One guy who had a French flag (along with America and Louisiana) atop his property took it down, explaining to me that there was no room for pussies on his rooftop. I was incredulous. Thing is, those who objected have now been proven right. I walk by that same building nearly every day and the flag is still gone.

Freedom Fries. Freedom Toast....

Um Francis Marion was born in South Carolina. I'd have to double check but I'm pretty sure he fought against the French in the French and Indian war, at least fought for the British

Sonofa... yeah I was wrong. All my life I thought he had actually come from the French military. Look, when I'm wrong, I'm wrong. Thanks for clearing that up for me.


This is the internet. You're supposed to defend your position, descending into increasingly desperate and profane whargarbl beforre finally invoking Hitler and declaring victory.

Stop being rational and civil!

Also:
ecx.images-amazon.com
 
2013-03-17 04:06:20 PM  
GAT_00:
2. Cracked fails as usual for not including Paul Revere.

Paul Revere, famed silversmith.   The history of silversmithing in the American Colonial period is fascinating, and more than a few silversmiths showed rebellion by illegally making silver items.  England wanted the Colonists to buy all their silver from England; the Colonists weren't supposed to make their own items (there weren't any guildhalls in the Colonies to certify silver content and to verify it met the English sterling standard as required by law).   For the earliest parts of Colonial history, there were no real sources of raw, mined silver; items were made from older, broken [English] pieces or from various coins.   So early American silver items have silver purity ranging from 80% to 90% (from melting down old currency) to the sterling 92.5% depending on the original source of silver.
 
2013-03-17 04:07:54 PM  

ImpendingCynic: thornhill: James Madison's diary from the constitutional convention makes it very clear that the reason behind "the right to bear arms" was to pacify anti-federalists who didn't want the federal government to have the authority to establish and maintain an army because it could be used to boss around states. It's really all about anti-federalist paranoia.

Makes more sense than today's "the reason to have guns is to fight for the right to have guns."


Madison's journal is a really interesting read (especially when you consider he did most of the drafting for the Constitution and then wrote the Bill of Rights). Much of the general debate during the convention was driven by anti-federalist paranoia. Despite the Articles of Confederation being a disaster, many delegates loathed to sign on to anything that would reduce their homestate's sovereignty and autonomy (which is why the Federalist Papers are all about debunking anti-Federalist claims and promoting the idea of Federalism).

Other fun Madison readings are his extremely strong and clear views in a separation of church and state. He was even against congressional chaplains! Talk about something that will make the GOP cry.
 
2013-03-17 04:08:40 PM  

alwaysjaded: The best book I ever read about the Revolution was 1776 by David McCullogh. Really gave a good picture of just how much of a miracle it was that we won that war.

Also why I loved HBO's adaptation of John Adams. The second episode specifically. The portrayals of flawed people was much more refreshing than the "George Washington rides in on Jesus waves with a bald eagle on his shoulder and has TJ draft the Constitution in British blood while farking a girl named Liberty" myth.


Absolutely.

Read everything else readily available, then go with McCullough and Ron Chernow.

McCullough and Chernow.  McCullough and Chernow. McCullough and Chernow. McCullough and Chernow. McCullough and Chernow. McCullough and Chernow. McCullough and Chernow. McCullough and Chernow. McCullough and Chernow. McCullough and Chernow. McCullough and Chernow....

/can't be said enough
//through thine eyes will an open mind the truth be revealed
 
2013-03-17 04:10:27 PM  

iheartscotch: George Washington was 7 feet tall; with laserbeem eyes that never failed, to kill.

Nathaniel Greene was a mountain of a man, with a "born to kill" tattoo.

Between nailing all of the wives and mistresses of the British officers, Ben Franklin singlehandedly forced the French to admit he was awesome and help the US.

Thomas Jefferson once killed a British spy with a writing quill.

Sam Adams singlehandedly supplied all the beer for the colonists. His beer survives to this day.


*Like*
 
2013-03-17 04:14:05 PM  

thisisyourbrainonFark: SomeoneDumb: I have it on good authoritah that Revere was "He who warned the British that they weren't going to be taking away our arms by ringing those bells and making sure as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free and we were going to be armed. "

13 seconds. Shakes fist.


It is true. I saw it on Wikipedia. So it HAS to be true. And the truth is true whether you post it 13 seconds early or not.
 
2013-03-17 04:16:02 PM  

Deathfrogg: Pumps.

PUMPS

Goddammitsomuch I really need to learn how to type.


I imagined a new kind of titty implants. Or an aquarium bra.
 
2013-03-17 04:22:42 PM  
We get it. You hate America.
 
2013-03-17 04:23:26 PM  

alwaysjaded: vpb:

The girl named liberty was a myth?  What was her real name then?

Destiny


Did Destiny have a child?

Could it sing?

/Got nothin'
 
2013-03-17 04:24:30 PM  

Rent Party: Rochambeau told him to go fark himself


I would have expected Rochambeau to just kick him in the nuts.
 
2013-03-17 04:27:05 PM  

dickfreckle: This is why French hate always bewilders me. Not only did they supply us, but they loaned us notable badasses like Francis Marion (Swamp Fox). I'm no military expert, but it seems clear that without the French we would have lost.


People have been snickering at France since the days of Napolean II. They suffered under quite a few weak governments and governmental systems (setting up quite a few international embarrassments) until de Gaulle. And de Gaulle was a colossal dick (sometimes justifiably, maybe, but still). That's the short version.
 
2013-03-17 04:28:03 PM  

IntertubeUser: I'll admit it.  Cracked is one of my favorite things about the Internet.


True.  And it's more educational than 99% of the shiat found on the internet, including so-called "news" sites.
 
2013-03-17 04:32:31 PM  

thornhill: ImpendingCynic: thornhill: James Madison's diary from the constitutional convention makes it very clear that the reason behind "the right to bear arms" was to pacify anti-federalists who didn't want the federal government to have the authority to establish and maintain an army because it could be used to boss around states. It's really all about anti-federalist paranoia.

Makes more sense than today's "the reason to have guns is to fight for the right to have guns."

Madison's journal is a really interesting read (especially when you consider he did most of the drafting for the Constitution and then wrote the Bill of Rights). Much of the general debate during the convention was driven by anti-federalist paranoia. Despite the Articles of Confederation being a disaster, many delegates loathed to sign on to anything that would reduce their homestate's sovereignty and autonomy (which is why the Federalist Papers are all about debunking anti-Federalist claims and promoting the idea of Federalism).

Other fun Madison readings are his extremely strong and clear views in a separation of church and state. He was even against congressional chaplains! Talk about something that will make the GOP cry.


You can thank them for your Bill of Rights. They weren't paranoid. They knew what would happen.
 
2013-03-17 04:40:24 PM  
No word on if he quarterbacked the New England Patriots.

Nah, the Bears ate New England in the olde days.
 
2013-03-17 04:43:47 PM  

Old enough to know better: I think most of the hate comes from WWII. Something I never understood either. Yeah they surrendered. After getting their asses beat by the German army. Just like, y'know, most of western Europe?


Have you noticed in the WWII movies that whenever the GIs need intelligence or supplies from 'the underground', they're always French?  As a nation they had their asses handed to them but as a people they fought on as best they could.  Being of Danish descent I can sympathize.  Look at a map of Germany, you'll understand.

<CSB> My dad joined the Danish army just in time for King Christian to surrender to Hitler.  I learned decades later that he and his father-in-law worked on the Underground Rail moving refugees north to freedom. </CSB>
 
2013-03-17 04:51:08 PM  

PapaChester: Benedict Arnold was one of America greatest commanders until he committed treason, citing incompetence.


He had good reason.  It can be argued that it was his actions that won the war (France holding back full recognition until they figured that the Americans could fight... Arnold won at Saratoga, France gives in and they come and actually win it for us....)  Then, instead of awarding him some funds/higher command, the Continental Congress give him the finger.
 
2013-03-17 04:53:53 PM  
mekki: /sit down John!

Sit down John, Sit down John. For God's sake, Sit down!
 
2013-03-17 04:59:59 PM  

MontanaDave: Rent Party: Rochambeau told him to go fark himself

I would have expected Rochambeau to just kick him in the nuts.


Well, he could have spared himself the humiliation if he had gone with Rochambeau's rock, paper, scissors suggestion instead of a long battle.
 
2013-03-17 05:00:28 PM  
Gramma is always going on and on about this great grand relative who fought alongside Lafayette while he was in SC and how the family name is transcribed on some monument in France. I get it old woman, no one in our family has done anything remotely interesting except that one really bad Quaker guy who decided to make his parents angry by fighting against the Crown hundreds of years ago.
 
2013-03-17 05:07:39 PM  
Still waiting for the Ben Affleck version. It's not real untl it's a film by Affleck.
 
2013-03-17 05:07:40 PM  
FTFA: Apart from the usual wartime horrors, after the war, at least 60,000 men, women, and children were forcibly cast out of the newly minted nation as refugees. Meanwhile, Britain was busy trying to help its exiled supporters and, oh yeah, freeing the thousands of African-(ex-)Americans who had supported the losing side.

Bumper sticker seen on a north-bound buggy.

lolbumperstickers.com
 
2013-03-17 05:09:39 PM  
The story of Molly Pitcher shows the upside of teaching your wife to handle your cannon. The downside is when she catches you with the maid and blows your head off*.

"Stand still, wretch! I am but a feeble woman and can't pick this damn thing up and aim it!"

*Sounds a bit more like a pron plot than I intended.
 
2013-03-17 05:22:52 PM  

Mister Peejay: iheartscotch:
Sam Adams singlehandedly supplied all the beer for the colonists. His beer survives to this day.

That explains why it tastes 230 years old.


That's all the hopy goodness. That's what beer is supposed to taste like. Not flavored horse piss, like bud! American beer won awards the world over before prohibition. After prohibition, America didn't win shiat until zombie Sam Adams came along
 
2013-03-17 05:27:05 PM  

flyinglizard: iheartscotch: 

// he was also 7 ft tall and rode a T-Rex into battle.

Bang a gong.


Is that a Dresden Files reference?
 
2013-03-17 05:29:23 PM  

flyinglizard: iheartscotch: planes: Another Revolutionary War myth:

Wealthy George Washington continued to live a luxurious life during the winter at Valley Forge, all charged to his Continental Congress expense account. (new window)

George Washington once, singlehandedly, besieged Yorktown and forced the capitulation of England's forces. He also never told a lie and nailed King George's mistress every night.

/ George Washington is the greatest president we've ever had. He could have been king of the United States; but, he stuck to his principles and was generally awesome.

// he was also 7 ft tall and rode a T-Rex into battle.

Bang a gong.


Children of the Revolution would be more appropriate, I think.
 
2013-03-17 05:29:55 PM  
Molly Pitcher is a legend.

Deborah Sampson, on the other hand, was a real person, and received a soldier's pension for fighting in the Revolution while disguised as a man.
 
2013-03-17 05:30:45 PM  
What did the French ever do for Americans? Apart from blockading Cornwallis, forcing him to surrender because the fleet of reenforcements and supplies couldn't get up Chesapeake Bay.

The French Crown spent so much money supporting the American Revolution that the resulting national debt was a prime cause of the French Revoluton. As much as two thirds of the debt which defied the best efforts of Necker at management was due to money spent to screw the British Empire (such as it was at that time).

Which is a bit ironic, considering that one of the main grievances of the wealthy Whig landowners who constituted the drivers of the American Revolution was being taxed for their own defence (the British had spent four and a half millions pounds sterling and were engaged in cost recovery because the taxpayers back home weren't any happier paying for a dead-loss colonial venture). The East India Company's enormous losses were anotheer major grievance. A tax imposed on tea to benefit the company was strongly objected to by the middle classes as well as the rich because tea had become a staple food. If you weren't a drinker, you had to boil water to make tea or coffee or chocolate because it was death to drink well water in any populated town without modern hygeine, medicine, and plumbing.

This is why modern would-be conservative revolutionaries love to re-write Revolutionary War history to turn it into a victory for their own anti-government, anti-tax, anti-welfare and health care and gun control, etc., fantasies.

Follow the money and most glorious revolutions collapse into a pattern of the "needy greedy" against the haves, to borrow apt phrase from a British PM of note. But not the poor. The "needy greedy" are often quite rich--they just can't get enough. Even the terrorists of today are drawn largely from the prosperous upper middle classes--Bin Laden was a billionaires umpteenth son, and his Number Two was from a wealthy family in Egypt and a medical doctor--a well-to-do man, although not quite the Frederick Engels of the Jihadist Revolution. Marx's best bud Engels was the son of a rich mill-owner in Middle England.

Julius Caesar was described as a "needy greedy" hero by the conservatives of Rome--every debtor and spend-thrift in Rome was lavishly bought off with the loot of Caesar's campaigns in Gaul (which resulted in the taking of perhaps 1.5 million slaves). Caesar funded his campaign for top office (and empire) with enormous amounts of money--which is why Roman Generals and provincial Senatorial governors in charge of rich provinces make up the bulk of the upper power establishment in Rome besides the kleptocratic Imperial Families.

The French Crown played the role that the right wing Kochs, Coors and other land and resource-rich anti-government plutocrats play in the Second American Revolution and Christian Jihad preached by the far right wing today.

Devouring the lion's share of the agricultural, tobacco, fossil fuel and other subsidies, including the fruits of the one third of the land owned by the Federal Government,  isn't enough for these needy-greedies. They want the government as well.

Like Comedy, Revolution is not pretty.

And of the two, I suspect that Comedy accomplishs the most good.
 
2013-03-17 05:32:06 PM  

MontanaDave: thisisyourbrainonFark: SomeoneDumb: I have it on good authoritah that Revere was "He who warned the British that they weren't going to be taking away our arms by ringing those bells and making sure as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free and we were going to be armed. "

13 seconds. Shakes fist.

It is true. I saw it on Wikipedia. So it HAS to be true. And the truth is true whether you post it 13 seconds early or not.


What's your point? That she didn't actually say that?
 
2013-03-17 05:37:27 PM  
I never understood how the "We defeated the greatest army in the world" thing ever got started.  The British Army was pretty a consistent stream of failure when tasked to do anything beyond beat up natives with the support of Royal Navy gunfire.  The battles we won against British warships are notable, but their army has always been meh.

/Wellington was good and all, but he mostly fought the Spanish puppet troops
//by the time they got to Waterloo a number of other European countries had showed up to help
 
2013-03-17 05:39:35 PM  

brantgoose: What did the French ever do for Americans?


The problem was the French didn't fall inline with Bush Administration lies.
They got Dixie Chicked.
Nothing at all wrong with the French.
 
2013-03-17 05:46:57 PM  

alwaysjaded: CPT Ethanolic: Here's another much believed myth - that Washington was some kind of super-general.  In reality, the guy bungled things over and over in the beginning and SHOULD have lost if Howe hadn't bungled things even worse at Boston and New York.  Early on, MANY surrounding Washington considered him incompetent and actively petitioned to have him removed from command.
I've always enjoyed telling homophobes that one of the greatest Revolutionary war heroes was kicked out of the military for being gay.


<<"It has come to me from different sources that M. de Steuben is accused of having taken familiarities with young boys >> That reads less as gay and more as pedophile.
 
2013-03-17 05:49:09 PM  

thisisyourbrainonFark: MontanaDave: thisisyourbrainonFark: SomeoneDumb: I have it on good authoritah that Revere was "He who warned the British that they weren't going to be taking away our arms by ringing those bells and making sure as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free and we were going to be armed. "

13 seconds. Shakes fist.

It is true. I saw it on Wikipedia. So it HAS to be true. And the truth is true whether you post it 13 seconds early or not.

What's your point? That she didn't actually say that?


It was supposed to be a reference to her supporters editing the wiki article to back up Sarah's little pile of herp-a-derp, but (since this is Fark) if it ruffles your feathers for whatever reason I'll go with that.
 
2013-03-17 05:51:56 PM  

alwaysjaded: CPT Ethanolic: Here's another much believed myth - that Washington was some kind of super-general.  In reality, the guy bungled things over and over in the beginning and SHOULD have lost if Howe hadn't bungled things even worse at Boston and New York.  Early on, MANY surrounding Washington considered him incompetent and actively petitioned to have him removed from command.
I've always enjoyed telling homophobes that one of the greatest Revolutionary war heroes was kicked out of the military for being gay.


"It has come to me from different sources that M. de Steuben is accused of having taken familiarities with young boys which the laws forbid and punish severely. "

Ummm...
 
2013-03-17 05:53:10 PM  

planes: Another Revolutionary War myth:

 [www.global-air.com image 150x200]

Wealthy George Washington continued to live a luxurious life during the winter at Valley Forge, all charged to his Continental Congress expense account. (new window)


He also didn't take a salary.

And you know what? He should have, and there's a reason one was forced on him as President- some people who had that foresight thing realized that if you don't pay people when they do a job, those jobs (like governing the country) become the exclusive provenance of wealthy people who can afford to go without pay.

Also, George Washington's wealth was never liquid- he, and most planters, were living on credit and constantly had trouble making payments because they had virtually no cashflow.

And the life he lived at valley forge was hardly luxurious- not as bad as the rank and file had it, no, but he was the commanding General of an army- they weren't going to be putting him in a tent.

Seriously, what the fark is your problem? That he expected that, when he wasn't taking a salary, his expenses (you know, like running the administrative apparatus for the army) would at least be reimbursed? That he wasn't treated exactly like no-import joe illiterate when making camp?
I suggest reading a real book. Chernow's recent book, "Washington" is a decent one.
 
2013-03-17 05:57:13 PM  

Fark Master Flex: Have you noticed in the WWII movies that whenever the GIs need intelligence or supplies from 'the underground', they're always French?  As a nation they had their asses handed to them but as a people they fought on as best they could.  Being of Danish descent I can sympathize.  Look at a map of Germany, you'll understand.


Yeah, I don't get it either.  The French government basically had a plan for one type of invasion, Germany circumvented it, the military stuck to their now-irrelevant plan because THE PLAN, then the government rolled over and gave in because game over.

But the actual people, on the other hand...
 
2013-03-17 06:00:44 PM  

iheartscotch: Mister Peejay: iheartscotch:
Sam Adams singlehandedly supplied all the beer for the colonists. His beer survives to this day.

That explains why it tastes 230 years old.

That's all the hopy goodness. That's what beer is supposed to taste like. Not flavored horse piss, like bud! American beer won awards the world over before prohibition. After prohibition, America didn't win shiat until zombie Sam Adams came along


I prefer Belgians or some German beers.  Sam Adams tastes like burnt ass.
 
2013-03-17 06:03:53 PM  

Mister Peejay: iheartscotch: Mister Peejay: iheartscotch:
Sam Adams singlehandedly supplied all the beer for the colonists. His beer survives to this day.

That explains why it tastes 230 years old.

That's all the hopy goodness. That's what beer is supposed to taste like. Not flavored horse piss, like bud! American beer won awards the world over before prohibition. After prohibition, America didn't win shiat until zombie Sam Adams came along

I prefer Belgians or some German beers.  Sam Adams tastes like burnt ass.


It's still better than the crap the British sailors were drinking at the time.  Today we call that shiat an India Pale Ale.
 
2013-03-17 06:05:16 PM  

NullReferenceException: flyinglizard: iheartscotch:

// he was also 7 ft tall and rode a T-Rex into battle.

Bang a gong.

Is that a Dresden Files reference?


I'm only 35 and I got it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4HQbRuWJUU
 
2013-03-17 06:05:26 PM  
Interesting comments, but, who won?
 
2013-03-17 06:06:04 PM  
Learned this in 9th grade. First day of history class, our teacher told us everything we had learned the previous year about the American Revolution was wrong and told us to leave our textbooks in our lockers.
 
2013-03-17 06:20:35 PM  

upndn: Interesting comments, but, who won?


The jury is still out on that one, sunbeam.
 
2013-03-17 06:51:25 PM  
From what I've read about the Revolutionary War, we didn't win because of our amazing fighting skills or even ability to form alliances with British enemies, but because the entire thing was a massive clusterfark on the British side, starting with the British prime minister (the same one mentioned as trying to resign halfway through) passing the laws that sparked the revolution and, then predicting he'd be able to enforce them with a couple frigates. For the British it was one fark-up after the next. I will say that the American side at least had the advantage of not seriously farking up anything throughout the war, which is a skill in of itself.
 
2013-03-17 07:03:11 PM  

Richard Saunders: alwaysjaded: The best book I ever read about the Revolution was 1776 by David McCullogh. Really gave a good picture of just how much of a miracle it was that we won that war.

Also why I loved HBO's adaptation of John Adams. The second episode specifically. The portrayals of flawed people was much more refreshing than the "George Washington rides in on Jesus waves with a bald eagle on his shoulder and has TJ draft the Constitution in British blood while farking a girl named Liberty" myth.

Absolutely.

Read everything else readily available, then go with McCullough and Ron Chernow.

McCullough and Chernow.  McCullough and Chernow. McCullough and Chernow. McCullough and Chernow. McCullough and Chernow. McCullough and Chernow. McCullough and Chernow. McCullough and Chernow. McCullough and Chernow. McCullough and Chernow. McCullough and Chernow....

/can't be said enough
//through thine eyes will an open mind the truth be revealed


I don't know anything about Chernow, but McCullough should stand as one of the greatest writers on the past 50 years in my mind, maybe longer.   My favorites:

The Great Bridge
The Path Between The Seas
The Johnstown Flood (Short, but intense)
John Adams (Long, but worth it)

/Reading his work makes it easy to imagine being there.
//And is, very, thoroughly cited, often from source docs.
 
2013-03-17 07:10:19 PM  

Kurmudgeon: brantgoose: What did the French ever do for Americans?

The problem was the French didn't fall inline with Bush Administration lies.
They got Dixie Chicked.
Nothing at all wrong with the French.


Neither did the Germans, but we still didn't call fermented cabbage "sour freedom".
 
2013-03-17 07:23:23 PM  
Contradictory article is contradictory. It points out that only about  a third of Americans were behind the revolution (another third were with the Brits and a third were with whoever won) but says the British army faced our entire population and downplays our win accordingly in another myth
 
2013-03-17 07:26:46 PM  

YouSirAreAMaroon: Maxor: BokChoy: Texas wasn't even a state at the time so I don't know what they'd be sad about... they had about as much involvement in the revolutionary war as Korea did.

Actually it was it was part of the spanish colony of
Coahuila y Tejas they even succeeded from mexico together in the 1830s but the republic of the rio grande lost texas.

I'm glad they were secessful.


They were it was sort of interesting how a bunch of carpet bagging southerners from the US, assisted the native population to the point where soon after Anglos were a majority of the new government and the spelling was Anglicized. You rarely hear about Juan Seguine outside of Texas but he was fairly important in early Texas history.  Also a neat peice of history is that there were a number of other cities in the southern and southwestern US under Spanish dominion at the time that are still in existence.  Those 13 colonies of England did a decent job of shucking off English rule and all, but its not like they fought the only wars of independence in the US.   Also a neat note is the Quasi war between the US and France  in the 1798-1800 time frame, it did alot to make US french relations much more distasteful, and get the french excised from the US histories, also forgotten for the most part is the French and Indian war which was fought shortly before the revolution.
 
2013-03-17 07:35:32 PM  

SurelyShirley: Neither did the Germans, but we still didn't call fermented cabbage "sour freedom".


Plenty of Germanic statues were melted down or stored, things renamed, etc. during WW1.

Probably not as ridiculous as renaming french fries, but that's an awful low bar.
 
2013-03-17 07:46:39 PM  

Need_MindBleach: From what I've read about the Revolutionary War, we didn't win because of our amazing fighting skills or even ability to form alliances with British enemies, but because the entire thing was a massive clusterfark on the British side, starting with the British prime minister (the same one mentioned as trying to resign halfway through) passing the laws that sparked the revolution and, then predicting he'd be able to enforce them with a couple frigates.


That is a very provincial US centric view. The British and French were in a world war. The Brits skimped on preserving their US colonies because for them holding onto their Caribbean colonies was economically more important. Sorry, but the future US was seen as less important than Jamaica.
 
2013-03-17 07:51:33 PM  
Actually Maxor the 'Quasi-War" mention was specifically because the French expected more influence on our future for what they put into it. That's one of the reasons why most of us Americans don't feel any warmth towards the French for their help in our revolution.

1 Their help was to fark England. not help us. Much like we once were Afghanistans friend because they resisted the Soviets

2 after the war they tried to pressure our gov

3 in the World Wars following they required rescuing both times, and past that they strongarmed us into Vietnam.
 
2013-03-17 07:52:31 PM  

HairBolus: Need_MindBleach: From what I've read about the Revolutionary War, we didn't win because of our amazing fighting skills or even ability to form alliances with British enemies, but because the entire thing was a massive clusterfark on the British side, starting with the British prime minister (the same one mentioned as trying to resign halfway through) passing the laws that sparked the revolution and, then predicting he'd be able to enforce them with a couple frigates.

That is a very provincial US centric view. The British and French were in a world war. The Brits skimped on preserving their US colonies because for them holding onto their Caribbean colonies was economically more important. Sorry, but the future US was seen as less important than Jamaica.


The British and French were in a world war? Where did you learn history? The British and French were not in any sort of war until the French jumped into Britain's little colonial conflict, forcing them to cut their losses in the rebellious parts of North America in order to hang on to all their other colonies.
 
2013-03-17 08:12:10 PM  
If it's Cracked; it must be partially true.

For me, the "geurrila warfare was a myth because of British Indians and muskets had short range" was the least convincing segment.
 
2013-03-17 08:24:32 PM  

dickfreckle: This is why French hate always bewilders me. Not only did they supply us, but they loaned us notable badasses like Francis Marion (Swamp Fox). I'm no military expert, but it seems clear that without the French we would have lost.


The XYZ Affair.
 
2013-03-17 08:27:05 PM  

TomD9938: SurelyShirley: Neither did the Germans, but we still didn't call fermented cabbage "sour freedom".

Plenty of Germanic statues were melted down or stored, things renamed, etc. during WW1.

Probably not as ridiculous as renaming french fries, but that's an awful low bar.


Yeah, that bar is pretty low.

Crap, gotta go, my Salisbury Steak is burning...
 
2013-03-17 08:58:03 PM  
Lol public schooling.  You know it's bad when they can't even get their own country's history correct.
 
2013-03-17 09:08:44 PM  

maddogdelta: Arnold won at Saratoga


He terminated the opposition.
 
2013-03-17 09:25:47 PM  

alwaysjaded: CPT Ethanolic: Here's another much believed myth - that Washington was some kind of super-general.  In reality, the guy bungled things over and over in the beginning and SHOULD have lost if Howe hadn't bungled things even worse at Boston and New York.  Early on, MANY surrounding Washington considered him incompetent and actively petitioned to have him removed from command.
I've always enjoyed telling homophobes that one of the greatest Revolutionary war heroes was kicked out of the military for being gay.


Yet another reason why Franklin was awesome.
 
2013-03-17 09:27:55 PM  

Need_MindBleach: HairBolus: Need_MindBleach: From what I've read about the Revolutionary War, we didn't win because of our amazing fighting skills or even ability to form alliances with British enemies, but because the entire thing was a massive clusterfark on the British side, starting with the British prime minister (the same one mentioned as trying to resign halfway through) passing the laws that sparked the revolution and, then predicting he'd be able to enforce them with a couple frigates.

That is a very provincial US centric view. The British and French were in a world war. The Brits skimped on preserving their US colonies because for them holding onto their Caribbean colonies was economically more important. Sorry, but the future US was seen as less important than Jamaica.

The British and French were in a world war? Where did you learn history? The British and French were not in any sort of war until the French jumped into Britain's little colonial conflict, forcing them to cut their losses in the rebellious parts of North America in order to hang on to all their other colonies.


The Seven Years War / French and Indian War was a world war with fighting all over the globe.

upload.wikimedia.org It officially "ended" in 1763 which meant that it turned into a cold war that flared up in 1775 in the American Revolutionary War, which again was a world war with fighting all over the globe - not just North America but also the West Indies, Mediterranean, and India. And yes, Britain was stretched thin but was more successful in defending those other colonies than is was in North America.
 
2013-03-17 09:28:12 PM  

TomD9938: SurelyShirley: Neither did the Germans, but we still didn't call fermented cabbage "sour freedom".

Plenty of Germanic statues were melted down or stored, things renamed, etc. during WW1.

Probably not as ridiculous as renaming french fries, but that's an awful low bar.


I was referring to the Germans not falling in line with the Bush administration lies.
 
2013-03-17 09:30:02 PM  

HairBolus: Need_MindBleach: From what I've read about the Revolutionary War, we didn't win because of our amazing fighting skills or even ability to form alliances with British enemies, but because the entire thing was a massive clusterfark on the British side, starting with the British prime minister (the same one mentioned as trying to resign halfway through) passing the laws that sparked the revolution and, then predicting he'd be able to enforce them with a couple frigates.

That is a very provincial US centric view. The British and French were in a world war. The Brits skimped on preserving their US colonies because for them holding onto their Caribbean colonies was economically more important. Sorry, but the future US was seen as less important than Jamaica.


Is that supposed to make the US feel bad? Kind of the opposite
 
2013-03-17 09:36:22 PM  

unchellmatt: It would be nice if "conservatives" who tout their patriotism and how they model themselves after the founding fathers could actually read a bit of history. They'd find that, in a very real sense, they would have been "loyalists".

Yep. The founding members of the US were, in fact, progressives and pretty much liberals of their day. They wanted change from the status quo, wanted ... gasp! ... progress for their people, wanted to basically muck about with the system.

Oh the amusement.


The root cause for the opposition to the government was over taxes. The Brits ran up a sizable debt fighting the French and Indian war and thought the colonists should help pay for it. The revolutionaries didn't want to pay for the war that was fought on their behalf - hence the original tea party, opposition to the stamp tax etc. Fighting wars and opposing the taxes to pay for them. Which party does that sound like to you?
 
2013-03-17 10:13:00 PM  
unchellmatt: It would be nice if "conservatives" who tout their patriotism and how they model themselves after the founding fathers could actually read a bit of history. They'd find that, in a very real sense, they would have been "loyalists".

Yep. The founding members of the US were, in fact, progressives and pretty much liberals of their day. They wanted change from the status quo, wanted ... gasp! ... progress for their people, wanted to basically muck about with the system.

Oh the amusement.

The root cause for the opposition to the government was over taxes. The Brits ran up a sizable debt fighting the French and Indian war and thought the colonists should help pay for it. The revolutionaries didn't want to pay for the war that was fought on their behalf - hence the original tea party, opposition to the stamp tax etc. Fighting wars and opposing the taxes to pay for them. Which party does that sound like to you?


Saying the war was fought over taxes is kind of a gross oversimplification. The conflict between Britain-Colonies started due to taxes, but by the time the actual war broke out, the only tax was on tea, and it cost the British more to collect it than it actually brought in.

HairBolus:

I don't understand your point, dude. I know about the Seven Years War. It had still been 12 years since it ended. The British and French had been at each others' throats for more than 100 years, they were the French and British during the 18th century, natural rivals. The French still didn't jump into the colonial fight until 3 years in, after they were sure they wouldn't be getting their soldiers killed for a failed revolt.
 
2013-03-17 10:18:16 PM  

SurelyShirley: TomD9938: SurelyShirley: Neither did the Germans, but we still didn't call fermented cabbage "sour freedom".

Plenty of Germanic statues were melted down or stored, things renamed, etc. during WW1.

Probably not as ridiculous as renaming french fries, but that's an awful low bar.

I was referring to the Germans not falling in line with the Bush administration lies.


==========

Nobody really wants to see Germans in grey uniforms and bucket helmets again.  After some talking, everyone is relieved to have them sit things out.
 
2013-03-17 10:40:15 PM  

kim jong-un: HairBolus: Need_MindBleach: From what I've read about the Revolutionary War, we didn't win because of our amazing fighting skills or even ability to form alliances with British enemies, but because the entire thing was a massive clusterfark on the British side, starting with the British prime minister (the same one mentioned as trying to resign halfway through) passing the laws that sparked the revolution and, then predicting he'd be able to enforce them with a couple frigates.

That is a very provincial US centric view. The British and French were in a world war. The Brits skimped on preserving their US colonies because for them holding onto their Caribbean colonies was economically more important. Sorry, but the future US was seen as less important than Jamaica.

Is that supposed to make the US feel bad? Kind of the opposite


Not feel bad but less superior. The American colonies did not through superiority defeat the full war juggernaut of the British Empire, instead the Brits used more of their military force to preserve their other colonies. Maybe because if they lost the NA colonies those wouldn't be taken over by their rivals, and would remain economic colonies - as the states did up until the Civil War - which was somewhat about the South wanting low tariffs so it could export slave grown cotton to England to pay for imported manufactured goods.
 
2013-03-17 11:07:19 PM  

Need_MindBleach: unchellmatt: It would be nice if "conservatives" who tout their patriotism and how they model themselves after the founding fathers could actually read a bit of history. They'd find that, in a very real sense, they would have been "loyalists".

Yep. The founding members of the US were, in fact, progressives and pretty much liberals of their day. They wanted change from the status quo, wanted ... gasp! ... progress for their people, wanted to basically muck about with the system.

Oh the amusement.

The root cause for the opposition to the government was over taxes. The Brits ran up a sizable debt fighting the French and Indian war and thought the colonists should help pay for it. The revolutionaries didn't want to pay for the war that was fought on their behalf - hence the original tea party, opposition to the stamp tax etc. Fighting wars and opposing the taxes to pay for them. Which party does that sound like to you?

Saying the war was fought over taxes is kind of a gross oversimplification. The conflict between Britain-Colonies started due to taxes, but by the time the actual war broke out, the only tax was on tea, and it cost the British more to collect it than it actually brought in.

HairBolus:

I don't understand your point, dude. I know about the Seven Years War. It had still been 12 years since it ended. The British and French had been at each others' throats for more than 100 years, they were the French and British during the 18th century, natural rivals. The French still didn't jump into the colonial fight until 3 years in, after they were sure they wouldn't be getting their soldiers killed for a failed revolt.


No doubt you could write a dissertation on the chain of events that led to a shooting war, but I think it's fair to argue that the colonists were never so happy to be Brittish than they were after the French and Indian war. That attitude soured with the new taxes. The Stamp Act 1765, and the Townshend Acts 1767 lead to unrest. Troops occupy Boston in 1768 leads to the Boston Massacre 1770. The Tea Act in 1773 leads to the tea party leads to the closure of the port of Boston. Colonists seize militia cannons under guard of Brittish soldiers and sneak then out of Boston in 1774 leads to Lexington and Concord 1775. True most of the taxes were repealed in an effort to de-escalate the situation but it was too little/too late.
 
2013-03-17 11:14:19 PM  

HairBolus: kim jong-un: HairBolus: Need_MindBleach: From what I've read about the Revolutionary War, we didn't win because of our amazing fighting skills or even ability to form alliances with British enemies, but because the entire thing was a massive clusterfark on the British side, starting with the British prime minister (the same one mentioned as trying to resign halfway through) passing the laws that sparked the revolution and, then predicting he'd be able to enforce them with a couple frigates.

That is a very provincial US centric view. The British and French were in a world war. The Brits skimped on preserving their US colonies because for them holding onto their Caribbean colonies was economically more important. Sorry, but the future US was seen as less important than Jamaica.

Is that supposed to make the US feel bad? Kind of the opposite

Not feel bad but less superior. The American colonies did not through superiority defeat the full war juggernaut of the British Empire, instead the Brits used more of their military force to preserve their other colonies. Maybe because if they lost the NA colonies those wouldn't be taken over by their rivals, and would remain economic colonies - as the states did up until the Civil War - which was somewhat about the South wanting low tariffs so it could export slave grown cotton to England to pay for imported manufactured goods.


So, in other words, your point has nothing to do with the actual discussion, you're just here to educate us ignorant Americans about things we already knew. Good job.
 
2013-03-17 11:25:46 PM  

ukexpat: Deathfrogg: alwaysjaded: vpb:

The girl named liberty was a myth?  What was her real name then?

Destiny

Actually, it was Destini.

You know, with an "i". She was the one with the live goldfish in her 7 inch pups.

You mean Destinii...


A Jawa stripper? I could be into that...
 
2013-03-17 11:31:08 PM  

Need_MindBleach: So, in other words, your point has nothing to do with the actual discussion, you're just here to educate us ignorant Americans about things we already knew. Good job.


AH! Insults rather any support for your weak superiority argument. Welcome to IGNORE and have fun there.
 
2013-03-17 11:37:44 PM  

Mister Peejay: The French government basically had a plan for one type of invasion, Germany circumvented it, the military stuck to their now-irrelevant plan because THE PLAN, then the government rolled over and gave in because game over.

But the actual people, on the other hand...


Everyone knew that Germany would circumvent the Maginot line by going through Belgium, because that's exactly how they invaded during WWI.  But building fortifications along the French-Belgian border would have essentially been telling the Belgians they'd better start learning German.
 
2013-03-17 11:40:44 PM  

GoldenEagle: Mister Peejay: The French government basically had a plan for one type of invasion, Germany circumvented it, the military stuck to their now-irrelevant plan because THE PLAN, then the government rolled over and gave in because game over.

But the actual people, on the other hand...

Everyone knew that Germany would circumvent the Maginot line by going through Belgium, because that's exactly how they invaded during WWI.  But building fortifications along the French-Belgian border would have essentially been telling the Belgians they'd better start learning German.


They learned it soon enough.
 
2013-03-17 11:41:09 PM  

dickfreckle: iheartscotch: // he was also 7 ft tall and rode a T-Rex into battle.

Washington actually was pretty tall for his time (6' 2" is what I always read). Even by today's standards that's up there. In the history books I've read he's always noted as being physically imposing. No word on if he quarterbacked the New England Patriots.


Back then they were the Boston Patriots. Led by General Babe Parilli, guarded by Sam Adams.
 
2013-03-17 11:42:09 PM  

flyinglizard: iheartscotch: planes: Another Revolutionary War myth:

Wealthy George Washington continued to live a luxurious life during the winter at Valley Forge, all charged to his Continental Congress expense account. (new window)

George Washington once, singlehandedly, besieged Yorktown and forced the capitulation of England's forces. He also never told a lie and nailed King George's mistress every night.

/ George Washington is the greatest president we've ever had. He could have been king of the United States; but, he stuck to his principles and was generally awesome.

// he was also 7 ft tall and rode a T-Rex into battle.

Bang a gong.


Get it on.
 
2013-03-17 11:49:18 PM  

Old enough to know better: dickfreckle: This is why French hate always bewilders me. Not only did they supply us, but they loaned us notable badasses like Francis Marion (Swamp Fox). I'm no military expert, but it seems clear that without the French we would have lost.

In 2003 we demonized them as pussies for not going along with the Iraq thing. Even when they spearheaded Libya we questioned why we should be taking a backseat role.


Freedom Fries. Freedom Toast....

I think most of the hate comes from WWII. Something I never understood either. Yeah they surrendered. After getting their asses beat by the German army. Just like, y'know, most of western Europe?

Folks might also want to research the French in WWI.


Nah, then they'll just call them cowards for the mutinies. Personally, I give them credit for being the only ones to wise up to the fact that literally marching into machinegun fire was literally getting them no where.
 
2013-03-18 12:06:39 AM  

HairBolus: Need_MindBleach: So, in other words, your point has nothing to do with the actual discussion, you're just here to educate us ignorant Americans about things we already knew. Good job.

AH! Insults rather any support for your weak superiority argument. Welcome to IGNORE and have fun there.


I never said anything remotely close to "superiority" or discounting the French contribution to victory in the war, I was calling you out for interrupting an unrelated discussion in order to smugly "educate" everyone about something we already knew. If you can't take being offended, you're on the wrong website.
 
rka
2013-03-18 12:35:37 AM  

dickfreckle: This is why French hate always bewilders me. Not only did they supply us, but they loaned us notable badasses like Francis Marion (Swamp Fox). I'm no military expert, but it seems clear that without the French we would have lost.

In 2003 we demonized them as pussies for not going along with the Iraq thing. Even when they spearheaded Libya we questioned why we should be taking a backseat role.

Speaking of 2003, in those days I lived in the French Quarter of New Orleans. One guy who had a French flag (along with America and Louisiana) atop his property took it down, explaining to me that there was no room for pussies on his rooftop. I was incredulous. Thing is, those who objected have now been proven right. I walk by that same building nearly every day and the flag is still gone.

Freedom Fries. Freedom Toast....


Because history didn't stop with the Revolutionary War. Immediately after we won our independence the French tried to make the US practically a tribute paying vassal state of its own.

And after the French themselves had their revolution, everyone associated with even token support of the US was overthrown anyways. The France of 1776 was shattered. The ally of the American Revolution was drowned in a pool of blood.
 
2013-03-18 01:02:10 AM  

notmtwain: Vive la France.

Forever our hearts will be grateful.


I need to check my personal library for a book pointing out how much America and France shared for our first hundred and twenty years that showed how much we both shared in revolutionary spirit, and hating the English. To the point that "Lafayette, we are here" truly does bring down the house.

Then again, I was just listening to How Things Work podcast about why America doesn't have the metric system and one of the early points was France telling us to screw off and not come to their unveiling of "Le Metrique"
 
2013-03-18 01:10:29 AM  

rka: dickfreckle: This is why French hate always bewilders me. Not only did they supply us, but they loaned us notable badasses like Francis Marion (Swamp Fox). I'm no military expert, but it seems clear that without the French we would have lost.

In 2003 we demonized them as pussies for not going along with the Iraq thing. Even when they spearheaded Libya we questioned why we should be taking a backseat role.

Speaking of 2003, in those days I lived in the French Quarter of New Orleans. One guy who had a French flag (along with America and Louisiana) atop his property took it down, explaining to me that there was no room for pussies on his rooftop. I was incredulous. Thing is, those who objected have now been proven right. I walk by that same building nearly every day and the flag is still gone.

Freedom Fries. Freedom Toast....

Because history didn't stop with the Revolutionary War. Immediately after we won our independence the French tried to make the US practically a tribute paying vassal state of its own.

And after the French themselves had their revolution, everyone associated with even token support of the US was overthrown anyways. The France of 1776 was shattered. The ally of the American Revolution was drowned in a pool of blood.


This too. Napoleon was the Hitler of his day, and the French revolution? Holy shiat.  NO WAY did the rest of Monarchical Europe want to hear this Rights of Man shiat that involved slaying aristocrats in large numbers. It's like the Montana Freemen turned all their manifestos into a giant execution circlejerk in D.C..
 
2013-03-18 01:16:25 AM  
timeonhands.files.wordpress.com
America, better believe we will come to murder you on Christmas.
 
2013-03-18 01:17:25 AM  

Fano: rka: dickfreckle: This is why French hate always bewilders me. Not only did they supply us, but they loaned us notable badasses like Francis Marion (Swamp Fox). I'm no military expert, but it seems clear that without the French we would have lost.

In 2003 we demonized them as pussies for not going along with the Iraq thing. Even when they spearheaded Libya we questioned why we should be taking a backseat role.

Speaking of 2003, in those days I lived in the French Quarter of New Orleans. One guy who had a French flag (along with America and Louisiana) atop his property took it down, explaining to me that there was no room for pussies on his rooftop. I was incredulous. Thing is, those who objected have now been proven right. I walk by that same building nearly every day and the flag is still gone.

Freedom Fries. Freedom Toast....

Because history didn't stop with the Revolutionary War. Immediately after we won our independence the French tried to make the US practically a tribute paying vassal state of its own.

And after the French themselves had their revolution, everyone associated with even token support of the US was overthrown anyways. The France of 1776 was shattered. The ally of the American Revolution was drowned in a pool of blood.

This too. Napoleon was the Hitler of his day, and the French revolution? Holy shiat.  NO WAY did the rest of Monarchical Europe want to hear this Rights of Man shiat that involved slaying aristocrats in large numbers. It's like the Montana Freemen turned all their manifestos into a giant execution circlejerk in D.C..


Hannibal is at the gates.
 
2013-03-18 01:27:23 AM  

thornhill: ImpendingCynic: thornhill: James Madison's diary from the constitutional convention makes it very clear that the reason behind "the right to bear arms" was to pacify anti-federalists who didn't want the federal government to have the authority to establish and maintain an army because it could be used to boss around states. It's really all about anti-federalist paranoia.

Makes more sense than today's "the reason to have guns is to fight for the right to have guns."

Madison's journal is a really interesting read (especially when you consider he did most of the drafting for the Constitution and then wrote the Bill of Rights). Much of the general debate during the convention was driven by anti-federalist paranoia. Despite the Articles of Confederation being a disaster, many delegates loathed to sign on to anything that would reduce their homestate's sovereignty and autonomy (which is why the Federalist Papers are all about debunking anti-Federalist claims and promoting the idea of Federalism).

Other fun Madison readings are his extremely strong and clear views in a separation of church and state. He was even against congressional chaplains! Talk about something that will make the GOP cry.


I know someone that vehemently claims that Governor Morris actually wrote it.
 
2013-03-18 01:59:22 AM  

alwaysjaded: CPT Ethanolic: Here's another much believed myth - that Washington was some kind of super-general.  In reality, the guy bungled things over and over in the beginning and SHOULD have lost if Howe hadn't bungled things even worse at Boston and New York.  Early on, MANY surrounding Washington considered him incompetent and actively petitioned to have him removed from command.
I've always enjoyed telling homophobes that one of the greatest Revolutionary war heroes was kicked out of the military for being gay.


Nice!
 
2013-03-18 02:31:27 AM  

Summoner101: GAT_00: 1. Subby should be kicked in the nads for linking page 2.
2. Cracked fails as usual for not including Paul Revere.  Warning people that the British were coming would have only confused people when they all thought of themselves as British.

I thought he warned everyone the Red Coats were coming.


You forgot about the Shot Heard 'Round the World.

Or if you like a more modern version.
 
2013-03-18 07:22:51 AM  

ciberido: alwaysjaded: CPT Ethanolic: Here's another much believed myth - that Washington was some kind of super-general.  In reality, the guy bungled things over and over in the beginning and SHOULD have lost if Howe hadn't bungled things even worse at Boston and New York.  Early on, MANY surrounding Washington considered him incompetent and actively petitioned to have him removed from command.
I've always enjoyed telling homophobes that one of the greatest Revolutionary war heroes was kicked out of the military for being gay.

Nice!





So which was he? A man who bungled things or a hero?
 
2013-03-18 08:06:26 AM  
giftedmadness:
So which was he? A man who bungled things or a hero?

Why can't he be both?

macobbshatshoppe.com
 
2013-03-18 08:39:54 AM  
Well that was half assed. When was this guy last in school? 1963? We had all this info in the 90s. In fifth grade.
 
2013-03-18 09:31:18 AM  

CPT Ethanolic: Here's another much believed myth - that Washington was some kind of super-general.  In reality, the guy bungled things over and over in the beginning and SHOULD have lost if Howe hadn't bungled things even worse at Boston and New York.  Early on, MANY surrounding Washington considered him incompetent and actively petitioned to have him removed from command.


I always thought he was excellent at the operational aspects, deferring combat as much as possible.  Also he held the forces together when lesser generals would have had them fall apart.

He did suck at tactics, and needed badass guys like Nathaniel Greene and Daniel Morgan to win battles.
 
2013-03-18 09:43:19 AM  

mekki: iheartscotch: George Washington was 7 feet tall; with laserbeem eyes that never failed, to kill.

Nathaniel Greene was a mountain of a man, with a "born to kill" tattoo.

Between nailing all of the wives and mistresses of the British officers, Ben Franklin singlehandedly forced the French to admit he was awesome and help the US.

Thomas Jefferson once killed a British spy with a writing quill.

Sam Adams singlehandedly supplied all the beer for the colonists. His beer survives to this day.

And once again John Adams is ignored.

/Sit down, John!


John Adams: It doesn't matter. I won't be in the history books anyway, only you. Franklin did this and Franklin did that and Franklin did some other damn thing. Franklin smote the ground and out sprang George Washington, fully grown and on his horse. Franklin then electrified him with his miraculous lightning rod and the three of them - Franklin, Washington, and the horse - conducted the entire revolution by themselves.
 
2013-03-18 09:58:08 AM  

tira: Well that was half assed. When was this guy last in school? 1963? We had all this info in the 90s. In fifth grade.


A lot of people still believe those myths.
 
2013-03-18 10:03:12 AM  

bill_01915: Need_MindBleach: unchellmatt: It would be nice if "conservatives" who tout their patriotism and how they model themselves after the founding fathers could actually read a bit of history. They'd find that, in a very real sense, they would have been "loyalists".

Yep. The founding members of the US were, in fact, progressives and pretty much liberals of their day. They wanted change from the status quo, wanted ... gasp! ... progress for their people, wanted to basically muck about with the system.

Oh the amusement.

The root cause for the opposition to the government was over taxes. The Brits ran up a sizable debt fighting the French and Indian war and thought the colonists should help pay for it. The revolutionaries didn't want to pay for the war that was fought on their behalf - hence the original tea party, opposition to the stamp tax etc. Fighting wars and opposing the taxes to pay for them. Which party does that sound like to you?

Saying the war was fought over taxes is kind of a gross oversimplification. The conflict between Britain-Colonies started due to taxes, but by the time the actual war broke out, the only tax was on tea, and it cost the British more to collect it than it actually brought in.

HairBolus:

I don't understand your point, dude. I know about the Seven Years War. It had still been 12 years since it ended. The British and French had been at each others' throats for more than 100 years, they were the French and British during the 18th century, natural rivals. The French still didn't jump into the colonial fight until 3 years in, after they were sure they wouldn't be getting their soldiers killed for a failed revolt.

No doubt you could write a dissertation on the chain of events that led to a shooting war, but I think it's fair to argue that the colonists were never so happy to be Brittish than they were after the French and Indian war. That attitude soured with the new taxes. The Stamp Act 1765, and the Townshend Acts 1767

lead to unrest. Troops occupy Boston in 1768 leads to the Boston Massacre 1770. The Tea Act in 1773 leads to the tea party leads to the closure of the port of Boston. Colonists seize militia cannons under guard of Brittish soldiers and sneak then out of Boston in 1774 leads to Lexington and Concord 1775. True most of the taxes were repealed in an effort to de-escalate the situation but it was too little/too late.

One thing that is often overlooked is that the Tea Act actually made British tea cheaper. People were ticked off that it was taxed under the Townsend Acts, but a part of the opposition to the Tea Act was because it undercut the prices of smuggled Dutch tea.
 
2013-03-18 11:08:59 AM  

dickfreckle: SomeoneDumb: I have it on good authoritah that Revere was "He who warned the British that they weren't going to be taking away our arms by ringing those bells and making sure as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free and we were going to be armed. "

My parents actually compared Fox News to Paul Revere, claiming they were the patriotic warning everyone needed to hear. It was such a stupid remark (Thanksgiving dinner, of course) that I more or less backed slowly out of the room.

Christ, I hate holiday dinners. It's why I always try to score some non-prescription Mexican Valiums before I go. It's the one time of year I really abuse pills.


I would hear more about the bold text...I could use some myself for in-law holiday visits
 
2013-03-18 11:16:28 AM  

redmid17: GoldenEagle: Mister Peejay: The French government basically had a plan for one type of invasion, Germany circumvented it, the military stuck to their now-irrelevant plan because THE PLAN, then the government rolled over and gave in because game over.

But the actual people, on the other hand...

Everyone knew that Germany would circumvent the Maginot line by going through Belgium, because that's exactly how they invaded during WWI.  But building fortifications along the French-Belgian border would have essentially been telling the Belgians they'd better start learning German.

They learned it soon enough.


The plan at the time was pretty sound. The Maginot Line went up to the Ardennes and north of the Ardennes the British would line up. At the time only one country thought it could send an army through the forest worth anything.

The one small problem was that the one country that could send an army through the Ardennes forest fast enough to work was the Germans.
 
2013-03-18 12:53:33 PM  

StoPPeRmobile: [timeonhands.files.wordpress.com image 600x347]
America, better believe we will come to murder you on Christmas.

  We will kill you in your SLEEP on Christmas.

FIFY
 
2013-03-18 01:00:36 PM  

Fissile: StoPPeRmobile: [timeonhands.files.wordpress.com image 600x347]
America, better believe we will come to murder you on Christmas.  We will kill you in your SLEEP on Christmas.

FIFY FTFY




FTFY.
 
2013-03-18 04:42:33 PM  

Digitalstrange: Actually Maxor the 'Quasi-War" mention was specifically because the French expected more influence on our future for what they put into it. That's one of the reasons why most of us Americans don't feel any warmth towards the French for their help in our revolution.

1 Their help was to fark England. not help us. Much like we once were Afghanistans friend because they resisted the Soviets

2 after the war they tried to pressure our gov

3 in the World Wars following they required rescuing both times, and past that they strongarmed us into Vietnam.


Really? I was under the impression that we did a good job of staying out of it when it was their war, then changed our minds when they lost and got involved on our own accord.
 
2013-03-18 05:13:37 PM  

TomD9938: SurelyShirley: Neither did the Germans, but we still didn't call fermented cabbage "sour freedom".

Plenty of Germanic statues were melted down or stored, things renamed, etc. during WW1.

Probably not as ridiculous as renaming french fries, but that's an awful low bar.


That would be Liberty Cabbage
 
2013-03-18 05:30:41 PM  

Medic Zero: Digitalstrange: Actually Maxor the 'Quasi-War" mention was specifically because the French expected more influence on our future for what they put into it. That's one of the reasons why most of us Americans don't feel any warmth towards the French for their help in our revolution.

1 Their help was to fark England. not help us. Much like we once were Afghanistans friend because they resisted the Soviets

2 after the war they tried to pressure our gov

3 in the World Wars following they required rescuing both times, and past that they strongarmed us into Vietnam.

Really? I was under the impression that we did a good job of staying out of it when it was their war, then changed our minds when they lost and got involved on our own accord.


They dragged us into it. We weren't at Dien Bien Phu because we wanted to be.
 
2013-03-19 11:27:57 AM  

SurelyShirley: Kurmudgeon: brantgoose: What did the French ever do for Americans?

The problem was the French didn't fall inline with Bush Administration lies.
They got Dixie Chicked.
Nothing at all wrong with the French.

Neither did the Germans, but we still didn't call fermented cabbage "sour freedom".


That's because really good propaganda focuses on one target.
 
2013-03-19 11:42:01 AM  

Mister Peejay: TomD9938: SurelyShirley: Neither did the Germans, but we still didn't call fermented cabbage "sour freedom".

Plenty of Germanic statues were melted down or stored, things renamed, etc. during WW1.

Probably not as ridiculous as renaming french fries, but that's an awful low bar.

Yeah, that bar is pretty low.

Crap, gotta go, my Salisbury Steak is burning...


That was named for the inventor, Dr. James Steak.

Gotta go. My Welsh rabbit is getting cold.
 
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