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(Cracked)   Five myths about the Revolutionary War everyone believes. Or why Texas will cry itself to sleep tonight   (cracked.com) divider line 181
    More: Interesting, Revolutionary War, Texas, Americans, Continental Army, Benedict Arnold, Call of Duty 2, loyalists, British Military  
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28517 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Mar 2013 at 2:24 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-17 11:15:30 AM
Obviously the author of this article is some kind of "turerist".
 
2013-03-17 11:25:07 AM
True story.

The First Amendment as we now it, was really meant to be the 6th Amendment, but some moran farked up and submitted the 2nd page to Congress first after reading through it.

The right to a speedy trial and stuff was really supposed to be the First Amendment.
 
2013-03-17 11:43:55 AM
1. Subby should be kicked in the nads for linking page 2.
2. Cracked fails as usual for not including Paul Revere.  Warning people that the British were coming would have only confused people when they all thought of themselves as British.
 
2013-03-17 12:47:03 PM

GAT_00: 1. Subby should be kicked in the nads for linking page 2.
2. Cracked fails as usual for not including Paul Revere.  Warning people that the British were coming would have only confused people when they all thought of themselves as British.


I thought he warned everyone the Red Coats were coming.
 
2013-03-17 12:47:52 PM

Summoner101: GAT_00: 1. Subby should be kicked in the nads for linking page 2.
2. Cracked fails as usual for not including Paul Revere.  Warning people that the British were coming would have only confused people when they all thought of themselves as British.

I thought he warned everyone the Red Coats were coming.


That is, he warned everyone in addition to those that helped him considering the multiple riders.
 
2013-03-17 01:26:49 PM
The best book I ever read about the Revolution was 1776 by David McCullogh. Really gave a good picture of just how much of a miracle it was that we won that war.

Also why I loved HBO's adaptation of John Adams. The second episode specifically. The portrayals of flawed people was much more refreshing than the "George Washington rides in on Jesus waves with a bald eagle on his shoulder and has TJ draft the Constitution in British blood while farking a girl named Liberty" myth.
 
2013-03-17 01:33:09 PM
Once again Reality imitates Art
cdn.hotstockmarket.com
 
vpb [TotalFark]
2013-03-17 01:35:30 PM

alwaysjaded: The best book I ever read about the Revolution was 1776 by David McCullogh. Really gave a good picture of just how much of a miracle it was that we won that war.

Also why I loved HBO's adaptation of John Adams. The second episode specifically. The portrayals of flawed people was much more refreshing than the "George Washington rides in on Jesus waves with a bald eagle on his shoulder and has TJ draft the Constitution in British blood while farking a girl named Liberty" myth.


The girl named liberty was a myth?  What was her real name then?
 
2013-03-17 01:39:31 PM
vpb:

The girl named liberty was a myth?  What was her real name then?

Destiny
 
2013-03-17 01:40:00 PM
Here's another much believed myth - that Washington was some kind of super-general.  In reality, the guy bungled things over and over in the beginning and SHOULD have lost if Howe hadn't bungled things even worse at Boston and New York.  Early on, MANY surrounding Washington considered him incompetent and actively petitioned to have him removed from command.
 
2013-03-17 01:49:21 PM

CPT Ethanolic: Here's another much believed myth - that Washington was some kind of super-general.  In reality, the guy bungled things over and over in the beginning and SHOULD have lost if Howe hadn't bungled things even worse at Boston and New York.  Early on, MANY surrounding Washington considered him incompetent and actively petitioned to have him removed from command.


Maybe that's why his monument is a huge phallic symbol
 
2013-03-17 01:53:18 PM

CPT Ethanolic: Here's another much believed myth - that Washington was some kind of super-general.  In reality, the guy bungled things over and over in the beginning and SHOULD have lost if Howe hadn't bungled things even worse at Boston and New York.  Early on, MANY surrounding Washington considered him incompetent and actively petitioned to have him removed from command.

I've always enjoyed telling homophobes that one of the greatest Revolutionary war heroes was kicked out of the military for being gay.

 
2013-03-17 02:11:10 PM

alwaysjaded: I've always enjoyed telling homophobes that one of the greatest Revolutionary war heroes was kicked out of the military for being gay.


Oh shiat that made me laugh. Freaking awesome.  Thanks for the link and welcome to my favs.
 
2013-03-17 02:18:13 PM

Via Infinito: alwaysjaded: I've always enjoyed telling homophobes that one of the greatest Revolutionary war heroes was kicked out of the military for being gay.

Oh shiat that made me laugh. Freaking awesome.  Thanks for the link and welcome to my favs.


Spread the word. That nugget gave me endless amusement a while back when the hot button issue was gays in the military. Really rubbed the zealots the wrong way when they found out one of the fathers of our military was a sword enthusiast.
 
2013-03-17 02:28:02 PM

alwaysjaded: vpb:

The girl named liberty was a myth?  What was her real name then?

Destiny


Actually, it was Destini.

You know, with an "i". She was the one with the live goldfish in her 7 inch pups.
 
2013-03-17 02:29:39 PM
It was the war that created the greatest nation on earth, therefore it was the greatest war ever fought. What part is tough to understand?
 
2013-03-17 02:29:40 PM
Texas wasn't even a state at the time so I don't know what they'd be sad about... they had about as much involvement in the revolutionary war as Korea did.
 
2013-03-17 02:29:41 PM
Pumps.

PUMPS

Goddammitsomuch I really need to learn how to type.
 
2013-03-17 02:32:18 PM
The north didn't actually "win".
 
2013-03-17 02:35:04 PM

alwaysjaded: Via Infinito: alwaysjaded: I've always enjoyed telling homophobes that one of the greatest Revolutionary war heroes was kicked out of the military for being gay.

Oh shiat that made me laugh. Freaking awesome.  Thanks for the link and welcome to my favs.

Spread the word. That nugget gave me endless amusement a while back when the hot button issue was gays in the military. Really rubbed the zealots the wrong way when they found out one of the fathers of our military was a sword enthusiast.



They will just say it is revisionist history to fit the "gay agenda".
 
2013-03-17 02:36:51 PM
George Washington was 7 feet tall; with laserbeem eyes that never failed, to kill.

Nathaniel Greene was a mountain of a man, with a "born to kill" tattoo.

Between nailing all of the wives and mistresses of the British officers, Ben Franklin singlehandedly forced the French to admit he was awesome and help the US.

Thomas Jefferson once killed a British spy with a writing quill.

Sam Adams singlehandedly supplied all the beer for the colonists. His beer survives to this day.
 
2013-03-17 02:39:59 PM

alwaysjaded: The best book I ever read about the Revolution was 1776 by David McCullogh. Really gave a good picture of just how much of a miracle it was that we won that war.

Also why I loved HBO's adaptation of John Adams. The second episode specifically. The portrayals of flawed people was much more refreshing than the "George Washington rides in on Jesus waves with a bald eagle on his shoulder and has TJ draft the Constitution in British blood while farking a girl named Liberty" myth.


Was that before or after George Washington singlehandedly killed all the hessians at the battle of bunker hill?
 
2013-03-17 02:40:52 PM

iheartscotch: George Washington was 7 feet tall; with laserbeem eyes that never failed, to kill.

Nathaniel Greene was a mountain of a man, with a "born to kill" tattoo.

Between nailing all of the wives and mistresses of the British officers, Ben Franklin singlehandedly forced the French to admit he was awesome and help the US.

Thomas Jefferson once killed a British spy with a writing quill.

Sam Adams singlehandedly supplied all the beer for the colonists. His beer survives to this day.


And once again John Adams is ignored.

/Sit down, John!
 
2013-03-17 02:42:00 PM

Summoner101: Summoner101: GAT_00: 1. Subby should be kicked in the nads for linking page 2.
2. Cracked fails as usual for not including Paul Revere.  Warning people that the British were coming would have only confused people when they all thought of themselves as British.

I thought he warned everyone the Red Coats were coming.

That is, he warned everyone in addition to those that helped him considering the multiple riders.


Revere never actually got through, he got caught.  But "Revere" rhymes well, so he's who we remember.
 
2013-03-17 02:42:27 PM

Summoner101: GAT_00: 1. Subby should be kicked in the nads for linking page 2.
2. Cracked fails as usual for not including Paul Revere.  Warning people that the British were coming would have only confused people when they all thought of themselves as British.

I thought he warned everyone the Red Coats were coming.


By LAND! By LAND!
 
2013-03-17 02:45:45 PM

GAT_00: 1. Subby should be kicked in the nads for linking page 2.
2. Cracked fails as usual for not including Paul Revere.  Warning people that the British were coming would have only confused people when they all thought of themselves as British.


I




People know that parts of the Paul Revere ride is a myth. This list is more about the newer beliefs or general lack of knowledge.
 
2013-03-17 02:46:12 PM

mekki: iheartscotch: George Washington was 7 feet tall; with laserbeem eyes that never failed, to kill.

Nathaniel Greene was a mountain of a man, with a "born to kill" tattoo.

Between nailing all of the wives and mistresses of the British officers, Ben Franklin singlehandedly forced the French to admit he was awesome and help the US.

Thomas Jefferson once killed a British spy with a writing quill.

Sam Adams singlehandedly supplied all the beer for the colonists. His beer survives to this day.

And once again John Adams is ignored.

/Sit down, John!


John Adams once mailed a very stern, but polite letter to King George; asking if King George would mind, terribly, if the colonies could have representatives in parliament.
 
2013-03-17 02:46:59 PM
This is why French hate always bewilders me. Not only did they supply us, but they loaned us notable badasses like Francis Marion (Swamp Fox). I'm no military expert, but it seems clear that without the French we would have lost.

In 2003 we demonized them as pussies for not going along with the Iraq thing. Even when they spearheaded Libya we questioned why we should be taking a backseat role.

Speaking of 2003, in those days I lived in the French Quarter of New Orleans. One guy who had a French flag (along with America and Louisiana) atop his property took it down, explaining to me that there was no room for pussies on his rooftop. I was incredulous. Thing is, those who objected have now been proven right. I walk by that same building nearly every day and the flag is still gone.

Freedom Fries. Freedom Toast....
 
2013-03-17 02:49:28 PM
So basically we were fed an equivalent amount of BS about our history as the Soviets were back in the old days.
 
2013-03-17 02:49:33 PM
I have it on good authoritah that Revere was "He who warned the British that they weren't going to be taking away our arms by ringing those bells and making sure as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free and we were going to be armed. "
 
2013-03-17 02:49:46 PM

Summoner101: Summoner101: GAT_00: 1. Subby should be kicked in the nads for linking page 2.
2. Cracked fails as usual for not including Paul Revere.  Warning people that the British were coming would have only confused people when they all thought of themselves as British.

I thought he warned everyone the Red Coats were coming.

That is, he warned everyone in addition to those that helped him considering the multiple riders.


I though, you know, it was he who warned the British that they weren't going to be taking away our arms, by ringing those bells and making sure, as he is riding his horse through town, to send those warning shots and bells, that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free.
 
2013-03-17 02:50:14 PM

SomeoneDumb: I have it on good authoritah that Revere was "He who warned the British that they weren't going to be taking away our arms by ringing those bells and making sure as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free and we were going to be armed. "


Thanks for the aneurism.
 
2013-03-17 02:50:41 PM

SomeoneDumb: I have it on good authoritah that Revere was "He who warned the British that they weren't going to be taking away our arms by ringing those bells and making sure as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free and we were going to be armed. "


13 seconds. Shakes fist.
 
2013-03-17 02:52:02 PM

Deathfrogg: alwaysjaded: vpb:

The girl named liberty was a myth?  What was her real name then?

Destiny

Actually, it was Destini.

You know, with an "i". She was the one with the live goldfish in her 7 inch pups.


You mean Destinii...
 
2013-03-17 02:54:31 PM
You know, the whole Revolutionary War didn't actually take place.
 
2013-03-17 02:55:34 PM
Here's an episode of Crash Course covering the topic in an interesting way.
 
2013-03-17 02:55:37 PM

alwaysjaded: The best book I ever read about the Revolution was 1776 by David McCullogh. Really gave a good picture of just how much of a miracle it was that we won that war.

Also why I loved HBO's adaptation of John Adams. The second episode specifically. The portrayals of flawed people was much more refreshing than the "George Washington rides in on Jesus waves with a bald eagle on his shoulder and has TJ draft the Constitution in British blood while farking a girl named Liberty" myth.


 Woah, I'm getting gypped in the "myth" department.

 Who's your author?
 
2013-03-17 02:55:50 PM

SomeoneDumb: I have it on good authoritah that Revere was "He who warned the British that they weren't going to be taking away our arms by ringing those bells and making sure as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free and we were going to be armed. "


My parents actually compared Fox News to Paul Revere, claiming they were the patriotic warning everyone needed to hear. It was such a stupid remark (Thanksgiving dinner, of course) that I more or less backed slowly out of the room.

Christ, I hate holiday dinners. It's why I always try to score some non-prescription Mexican Valiums before I go. It's the one time of year I really abuse pills.
 
2013-03-17 02:56:25 PM

CPT Ethanolic: Here's another much believed myth - that Washington was some kind of super-general.  In reality, the guy bungled things over and over in the beginning and SHOULD have lost if Howe hadn't bungled things even worse at Boston and New York.  Early on, MANY surrounding Washington considered him incompetent and actively petitioned to have him removed from command.


Himself included.
 
2013-03-17 02:59:06 PM

dickfreckle: This is why French hate always bewilders me. Not only did they supply us, but they loaned us notable badasses like Francis Marion (Swamp Fox). I'm no military expert, but it seems clear that without the French we would have lost.

In 2003 we demonized them as pussies for not going along with the Iraq thing. Even when they spearheaded Libya we questioned why we should be taking a backseat role.

Speaking of 2003, in those days I lived in the French Quarter of New Orleans. One guy who had a French flag (along with America and Louisiana) atop his property took it down, explaining to me that there was no room for pussies on his rooftop. I was incredulous. Thing is, those who objected have now been proven right. I walk by that same building nearly every day and the flag is still gone.

Freedom Fries. Freedom Toast....


Um Francis Marion was born in South Carolina. I'd have to double check but I'm pretty sure he fought against the French in the French and Indian war, at least fought for the British
 
2013-03-17 02:59:14 PM

alwaysjaded: vpb:

The girl named liberty was a myth?  What was her real name then?

Destiny Sinutab


FTFY
 
2013-03-17 03:00:09 PM
Another Revolutionary War myth:

 www.global-air.com

Wealthy George Washington continued to live a luxurious life during the winter at Valley Forge, all charged to his Continental Congress expense account. (new window)
 
2013-03-17 03:02:16 PM
Why does Cracked hate America?
 
2013-03-17 03:02:22 PM
It would be nice if "conservatives" who tout their patriotism and how they model themselves after the founding fathers could actually read a bit of history. They'd find that, in a very real sense, they would have been "loyalists".

Yep. The founding members of the US were, in fact, progressives and pretty much liberals of their day. They wanted change from the status quo, wanted ... gasp! ... progress for their people, wanted to basically muck about with the system.

Oh the amusement.
 
2013-03-17 03:05:05 PM
I thought it was fairly common knowledge that without the French, it was game over for the Americans.

Also, how does Texas fit in to this? Wasnt it a Spanish concern in those days?

/ never heard of the chick with the cannons
 
2013-03-17 03:05:11 PM
The 2nd Amendment had nothing to do with ensuring "the government is afraid of it's citizens" that was born not out of the Revolutionary war but rather that, as well with most of the US Bill of Rights, its almost word for word a rehash the 1689 English Bill of Rights that the Colonialist already lived under.
 
2013-03-17 03:05:30 PM

alwaysjaded: vpb:

The girl named liberty was a myth?  What was her real name then?

Destiny


Many fist Destiny?
 
2013-03-17 03:06:33 PM

iheartscotch: George Washington was 7 feet tall; with laserbeem eyes that never failed, to kill.

Nathaniel Greene was a mountain of a man, with a "born to kill" tattoo.

Between nailing all of the wives and mistresses of the British officers, Ben Franklin singlehandedly forced the French to admit he was awesome and help the US.

Thomas Jefferson once killed a British spy with a writing quill.

Sam Adams singlehandedly supplied all the beer for the colonists. His beer survives to this day.


Dont forget the lightning bolts from his arse.
 
2013-03-17 03:06:37 PM
It Must be a good thing I never paid attention in high school history class.

I've said the following for years now:
"If it wasn't for the French, we'd all be speaking English right now".

Amazing how much that pisses some people off.
 
2013-03-17 03:09:17 PM
Benedict Arnold was one of America greatest commanders until he committed treason, citing incompetence.
The man who spent all of his money financing the war was never reimbursed and died in poverty afterwards.
The troops at Valley Forge would have been fine if the leaders of the revolution had decided to actually fund it, but they balked at the price.


I've had complaints from parents that I teach the "true history" rather than "feel good history."

/real quotes from real parents.
 
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