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(Cracked)   Five myths about the Revolutionary War everyone believes. Or why Texas will cry itself to sleep tonight   (cracked.com) divider line 181
    More: Interesting, Revolutionary War, Texas, Americans, Continental Army, Benedict Arnold, Call of Duty 2, loyalists, British Military  
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28513 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Mar 2013 at 2:24 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-17 03:09:46 PM

thisisyourbrainonFark: SomeoneDumb: I have it on good authoritah that Revere was "He who warned the British that they weren't going to be taking away our arms by ringing those bells and making sure as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free and we were going to be armed. "

13 seconds. Shakes fist.


I love how Sarah Palin quotes are entering our modern lexicon.
 
2013-03-17 03:11:17 PM
seems legit.  Didja hear?  Iraq has weapons of -stop me if you've heard this before-
 
2013-03-17 03:11:33 PM
Say what you want about the French, but one thing is sure, they dont take any crap from muslims.
 
2013-03-17 03:11:42 PM

alwaysjaded: CPT Ethanolic: Here's another much believed myth - that Washington was some kind of super-general.  In reality, the guy bungled things over and over in the beginning and SHOULD have lost if Howe hadn't bungled things even worse at Boston and New York.  Early on, MANY surrounding Washington considered him incompetent and actively petitioned to have him removed from command.
I've always enjoyed telling homophobes that one of the greatest Revolutionary war heroes was kicked out of the military for being gay.


As cool as it would be, the one comment on the page definitely made me think. The author provides no sources and every other site that mentions the same thing provides no sources or links to other gay website contributions.

Just because some guys writes about it on the internet does not mean it is true. This story is ambiguous at best and only became a story when don't ask don't tell was being debated and repealed.
 
2013-03-17 03:14:45 PM

mekki: iheartscotch: George Washington was 7 feet tall; with laserbeem eyes that never failed, to kill.

Nathaniel Greene was a mountain of a man, with a "born to kill" tattoo.

Between nailing all of the wives and mistresses of the British officers, Ben Franklin singlehandedly forced the French to admit he was awesome and help the US.

Thomas Jefferson once killed a British spy with a writing quill.

Sam Adams singlehandedly supplied all the beer for the colonists. His beer survives to this day.

And once again John Adams is ignored.

/Sit down, John!


At leats John doesn't have his name associated with crappy beer.
 
2013-03-17 03:15:38 PM
least
dammit, FIFM
 
2013-03-17 03:16:02 PM
Also BS:

2.bp.blogspot.com
The most accurate part of the whole game is the fact that Paul Revere's house appears in Boston as part of it.
 
2013-03-17 03:16:31 PM

Summoner101: GAT_00: 1. Subby should be kicked in the nads for linking page 2.
2. Cracked fails as usual for not including Paul Revere.  Warning people that the British were coming would have only confused people when they all thought of themselves as British.

I thought he warned everyone the Red Coats were coming.


We've got no reds under the bed...
 
2013-03-17 03:16:41 PM

planes: Another Revolutionary War myth:

 

Wealthy George Washington continued to live a luxurious life during the winter at Valley Forge, all charged to his Continental Congress expense account. (new window)


George Washington once, singlehandedly, besieged Yorktown and forced the capitulation of England's forces. He also never told a lie and nailed King George's mistress every night.

/ George Washington is the greatest president we've ever had. He could have been king of the United States; but, he stuck to his principles and was generally awesome.

// he was also 7 ft tall and rode a T-Rex into battle.
 
2013-03-17 03:17:26 PM

ActionJoe: alwaysjaded: CPT Ethanolic: Here's another much believed myth - that Washington was some kind of super-general.  In reality, the guy bungled things over and over in the beginning and SHOULD have lost if Howe hadn't bungled things even worse at Boston and New York.  Early on, MANY surrounding Washington considered him incompetent and actively petitioned to have him removed from command.
I've always enjoyed telling homophobes that one of the greatest Revolutionary war heroes was kicked out of the military for being gay.

As cool as it would be, the one comment on the page definitely made me think. The author provides no sources and every other site that mentions the same thing provides no sources or links to other gay website contributions.

Just because some guys writes about it on the internet does not mean it is true. This story is ambiguous at best and only became a story when don't ask don't tell was being debated and repealed.


I looked at the talk page on his wikipedia article. It wasn't included in his article for pretty much h the same reason. The only concrete proof anyone could provide was an allegation of honosexuality. It's not surprising that he wasn't retained in the Prussian army. He was neither high ranking, of nobility, or influential.

I don't care one way or the other but it doesn't seem its as cut and dry as that article portrays it.
 
2013-03-17 03:21:47 PM

dennysgod: The 2nd Amendment had nothing to do with ensuring "the government is afraid of it's citizens" that was born not out of the Revolutionary war but rather that, as well with most of the US Bill of Rights, its almost word for word a rehash the 1689 English Bill of Rights that the Colonialist already lived under.


James Madison's diary from the constitutional convention makes it very clear that the reason behind "the right to bear arms" was to pacify anti-federalists who didn't want the federal government to have the authority to establish and maintain an army because it could be used to boss around states. It's really all about anti-federalist paranoia.
 
2013-03-17 03:23:16 PM

redmid17: dickfreckle: This is why French hate always bewilders me. Not only did they supply us, but they loaned us notable badasses like Francis Marion (Swamp Fox). I'm no military expert, but it seems clear that without the French we would have lost.

In 2003 we demonized them as pussies for not going along with the Iraq thing. Even when they spearheaded Libya we questioned why we should be taking a backseat role.

Speaking of 2003, in those days I lived in the French Quarter of New Orleans. One guy who had a French flag (along with America and Louisiana) atop his property took it down, explaining to me that there was no room for pussies on his rooftop. I was incredulous. Thing is, those who objected have now been proven right. I walk by that same building nearly every day and the flag is still gone.

Freedom Fries. Freedom Toast....

Um Francis Marion was born in South Carolina. I'd have to double check but I'm pretty sure he fought against the French in the French and Indian war, at least fought for the British


Sonofa... yeah I was wrong. All my life I thought he had actually come from the French military. Look, when I'm wrong, I'm wrong. Thanks for clearing that up for me.
 
2013-03-17 03:27:47 PM

Oldiron_79: iheartscotch: George Washington was 7 feet tall; with laserbeem eyes that never failed, to kill.

Nathaniel Greene was a mountain of a man, with a "born to kill" tattoo.

Between nailing all of the wives and mistresses of the British officers, Ben Franklin singlehandedly forced the French to admit he was awesome and help the US.

Thomas Jefferson once killed a British spy with a writing quill.

Sam Adams singlehandedly supplied all the beer for the colonists. His beer survives to this day.

Dont forget the lightning bolts from his arse.


John Paul Jones tops all that nancy shiat
 
2013-03-17 03:32:24 PM
George Washington owned 300 slaves - true.
 
2013-03-17 03:34:34 PM

falcon176: Oldiron_79: iheartscotch: George Washington was 7 feet tall; with laserbeem eyes that never failed, to kill.

Nathaniel Greene was a mountain of a man, with a "born to kill" tattoo.

Between nailing all of the wives and mistresses of the British officers, Ben Franklin singlehandedly forced the French to admit he was awesome and help the US.

Thomas Jefferson once killed a British spy with a writing quill.

Sam Adams singlehandedly supplied all the beer for the colonists. His beer survives to this day.

Dont forget the lightning bolts from his arse.

John Paul Jones tops all that nancy shiat


Did he ride his faithful Tyrannosaurus rex, daisy, into the battle of Saratoga and smack those damn Brits right in the face? I think not!
 
2013-03-17 03:35:39 PM

iheartscotch: // he was also 7 ft tall and rode a T-Rex into battle.


Washington actually was pretty tall for his time (6' 2" is what I always read). Even by today's standards that's up there. In the history books I've read he's always noted as being physically imposing. No word on if he quarterbacked the New England Patriots.
 
2013-03-17 03:37:50 PM
I'll admit it.  Cracked is one of my favorite things about the Internet.
 
2013-03-17 03:39:48 PM
Vive la France.

Forever our hearts will be grateful.
 
2013-03-17 03:42:59 PM

IntertubeUser: I'll admit it.  Cracked is one of my favorite things about the Internet.


Agreed. I don't smoke a lot of pot but when I do, I spend hours there. Well, that and Zombo.com. Even as a humor site, Cracked tries to source their seemingly outrageous claims, and I dig that. But mostly it's just funny as hell.
 
2013-03-17 03:47:13 PM
Surprised this didn't get posted yet.
Oldy but a goody
 
2013-03-17 03:48:26 PM

thornhill: James Madison's diary from the constitutional convention makes it very clear that the reason behind "the right to bear arms" was to pacify anti-federalists who didn't want the federal government to have the authority to establish and maintain an army because it could be used to boss around states. It's really all about anti-federalist paranoia.


Makes more sense than today's "the reason to have guns is to fight for the right to have guns."
 
2013-03-17 03:48:48 PM

GAT_00: 1. Subby should be kicked in the nads for linking page 2.
2. Cracked fails as usual for not including Paul Revere.  Warning people that the British were coming would have only confused people when they all thought of themselves as British.


Already covered.
 
2013-03-17 03:49:43 PM

alwaysjaded: CPT Ethanolic: Here's another much believed myth - that Washington was some kind of super-general.  In reality, the guy bungled things over and over in the beginning and SHOULD have lost if Howe hadn't bungled things even worse at Boston and New York.  Early on, MANY surrounding Washington considered him incompetent and actively petitioned to have him removed from command.
I've always enjoyed telling homophobes that one of the greatest Revolutionary war heroes was kicked out of the military for being gay.


Nope, that's just rumor, go read the wiki discussion about it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talk%3AFriedrich_Wilhelm_von_Steuben and you'll find only people repeating rumors, back to what may have been just a typical way to slander a rival in 18th century Europe. That he never married and left his estate to his former Aides-de-camp is certainly suspect; but then the article you link offers his assertion in his will as proof of a sexual relationship : Steuban admitting an "extraordinarily intense emotional relationship...", but then leaving out the second part of that quote:  "...treating them as surrogate sons". Not really the smoking gun that author wanted you to believe.
 
2013-03-17 03:50:37 PM
FTFA: "the whole battle for American independence was essentially a proxy war between Britain and France".

Yeah, Britain and France were engaged in a world wide war. Something not covered in US textbooks was that the British thought their Caribbean colonies were more valuable than the future US because they were - they generated more money.

Textbooks won't teach that keeping Jamaica was more essential than keeping the US.
 
2013-03-17 03:54:32 PM
It actually scares me a bit to think there are actually people out there that will read a Cracked "5 myths" articles and walk away thinking they have some kind of esoteric historical knowledge.
 
2013-03-17 03:54:38 PM

BokChoy: Texas wasn't even a state at the time so I don't know what they'd be sad about... they had about as much involvement in the revolutionary war as Korea did.


Actually it was it was part of the spanish colony of
Coahuila y Tejas they even succeeded from mexico together in the 1830s but the republic of the rio grande lost texas.
 
2013-03-17 03:55:47 PM

dickfreckle: This is why French hate always bewilders me. Not only did they supply us, but they loaned us notable badasses like Francis Marion (Swamp Fox). I'm no military expert, but it seems clear that without the French we would have lost.

In 2003 we demonized them as pussies for not going along with the Iraq thing. Even when they spearheaded Libya we questioned why we should be taking a backseat role.



Indeed.   The attitude we have about the French is farkin' shameful.   This nation would not exist without them.   Washington had Cornwallis pinned against the farking French fleet at Yorktown, preventing his escape.   When Cornwallis attempted his first surrender, it was to Rochambeau, not Washington.  Rochambeau told him to go fark himself and surrender to Washington.   There aught to be a farking memorial to that man in Washington DC.
 
2013-03-17 03:56:12 PM

Summoner101: Summoner101: GAT_00: 1. Subby should be kicked in the nads for linking page 2.
2. Cracked fails as usual for not including Paul Revere.  Warning people that the British were coming would have only confused people when they all thought of themselves as British.

I thought he warned everyone the Red Coats were coming.

That is, he warned everyone in addition to those that helped him considering the multiple riders.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BcThr-lSXLM

6:30
 
2013-03-17 03:58:26 PM

BokChoy: Texas wasn't even a state at the time so I don't know what they'd be sad about... they had about as much involvement in the revolutionary war as Korea did.


Subby is referring to the crappy textbooks Texas uses.
 
2013-03-17 03:58:44 PM
iheartscotch:
Sam Adams singlehandedly supplied all the beer for the colonists. His beer survives to this day.

That explains why it tastes 230 years old.
 
2013-03-17 04:02:14 PM

Maxor: BokChoy: Texas wasn't even a state at the time so I don't know what they'd be sad about... they had about as much involvement in the revolutionary war as Korea did.

Actually it was it was part of the spanish colony of
Coahuila y Tejas they even succeeded from mexico together in the 1830s but the republic of the rio grande lost texas.


I'm glad they were secessful.
 
2013-03-17 04:02:38 PM

dickfreckle: This is why French hate always bewilders me. Not only did they supply us, but they loaned us notable badasses like Francis Marion (Swamp Fox). I'm no military expert, but it seems clear that without the French we would have lost.

In 2003 we demonized them as pussies for not going along with the Iraq thing. Even when they spearheaded Libya we questioned why we should be taking a backseat role.


Freedom Fries. Freedom Toast....


I think most of the hate comes from WWII. Something I never understood either. Yeah they surrendered. After getting their asses beat by the German army. Just like, y'know, most of western Europe?

Folks might also want to research the French in WWI.
 
2013-03-17 04:04:16 PM

unchellmatt: It would be nice if "conservatives" who tout their patriotism and how they model themselves after the founding fathers could actually read a bit of history. They'd find that, in a very real sense, they would have been "loyalists".

Yep. The founding members of the US were, in fact, progressives and pretty much liberals of their day. They wanted change from the status quo, wanted ... gasp! ... progress for their people, wanted to basically muck about with the system.

Oh the amusement.


Yep. Probably the best part is that the founding fathers believed in not having a standing army, because that would lead to going around and starting wars with other countries when they felt they just wanted to be left alone in their own little place in the world. Hence, the whole "well-regulated militia" part of the second amendment; without a federally subsidized army, it was thought that the local militias would provide enough defense from invaders and annoying natives.

The whole idea of pre-emptive strike, and nation building would've caused the founding fathers to have frilly shirted strokes.

Granted, over time, it was pretty quickly realized that A) a federally subsidized Navy is the only way to handle ocean disputes, since, let's say, Georgia isn't going to call up their local militias to go an defend waters by New York, and B) after a few skirmishes and battle that didn't go over too well, the big thinkers eventually re-considered this position.
 
2013-03-17 04:05:10 PM

iheartscotch: planes: Another Revolutionary War myth:

Wealthy George Washington continued to live a luxurious life during the winter at Valley Forge, all charged to his Continental Congress expense account. (new window)

George Washington once, singlehandedly, besieged Yorktown and forced the capitulation of England's forces. He also never told a lie and nailed King George's mistress every night.

/ George Washington is the greatest president we've ever had. He could have been king of the United States; but, he stuck to his principles and was generally awesome.

// he was also 7 ft tall and rode a T-Rex into battle.


Bang a gong.
 
2013-03-17 04:06:17 PM

dickfreckle: redmid17: dickfreckle: This is why French hate always bewilders me. Not only did they supply us, but they loaned us notable badasses like Francis Marion (Swamp Fox). I'm no military expert, but it seems clear that without the French we would have lost.

In 2003 we demonized them as pussies for not going along with the Iraq thing. Even when they spearheaded Libya we questioned why we should be taking a backseat role.

Speaking of 2003, in those days I lived in the French Quarter of New Orleans. One guy who had a French flag (along with America and Louisiana) atop his property took it down, explaining to me that there was no room for pussies on his rooftop. I was incredulous. Thing is, those who objected have now been proven right. I walk by that same building nearly every day and the flag is still gone.

Freedom Fries. Freedom Toast....

Um Francis Marion was born in South Carolina. I'd have to double check but I'm pretty sure he fought against the French in the French and Indian war, at least fought for the British

Sonofa... yeah I was wrong. All my life I thought he had actually come from the French military. Look, when I'm wrong, I'm wrong. Thanks for clearing that up for me.


This is the internet. You're supposed to defend your position, descending into increasingly desperate and profane whargarbl beforre finally invoking Hitler and declaring victory.

Stop being rational and civil!

Also:
ecx.images-amazon.com
 
2013-03-17 04:06:20 PM
GAT_00:
2. Cracked fails as usual for not including Paul Revere.

Paul Revere, famed silversmith.   The history of silversmithing in the American Colonial period is fascinating, and more than a few silversmiths showed rebellion by illegally making silver items.  England wanted the Colonists to buy all their silver from England; the Colonists weren't supposed to make their own items (there weren't any guildhalls in the Colonies to certify silver content and to verify it met the English sterling standard as required by law).   For the earliest parts of Colonial history, there were no real sources of raw, mined silver; items were made from older, broken [English] pieces or from various coins.   So early American silver items have silver purity ranging from 80% to 90% (from melting down old currency) to the sterling 92.5% depending on the original source of silver.
 
2013-03-17 04:07:54 PM

ImpendingCynic: thornhill: James Madison's diary from the constitutional convention makes it very clear that the reason behind "the right to bear arms" was to pacify anti-federalists who didn't want the federal government to have the authority to establish and maintain an army because it could be used to boss around states. It's really all about anti-federalist paranoia.

Makes more sense than today's "the reason to have guns is to fight for the right to have guns."


Madison's journal is a really interesting read (especially when you consider he did most of the drafting for the Constitution and then wrote the Bill of Rights). Much of the general debate during the convention was driven by anti-federalist paranoia. Despite the Articles of Confederation being a disaster, many delegates loathed to sign on to anything that would reduce their homestate's sovereignty and autonomy (which is why the Federalist Papers are all about debunking anti-Federalist claims and promoting the idea of Federalism).

Other fun Madison readings are his extremely strong and clear views in a separation of church and state. He was even against congressional chaplains! Talk about something that will make the GOP cry.
 
2013-03-17 04:08:40 PM

alwaysjaded: The best book I ever read about the Revolution was 1776 by David McCullogh. Really gave a good picture of just how much of a miracle it was that we won that war.

Also why I loved HBO's adaptation of John Adams. The second episode specifically. The portrayals of flawed people was much more refreshing than the "George Washington rides in on Jesus waves with a bald eagle on his shoulder and has TJ draft the Constitution in British blood while farking a girl named Liberty" myth.


Absolutely.

Read everything else readily available, then go with McCullough and Ron Chernow.

McCullough and Chernow.  McCullough and Chernow. McCullough and Chernow. McCullough and Chernow. McCullough and Chernow. McCullough and Chernow. McCullough and Chernow. McCullough and Chernow. McCullough and Chernow. McCullough and Chernow. McCullough and Chernow....

/can't be said enough
//through thine eyes will an open mind the truth be revealed
 
2013-03-17 04:10:27 PM

iheartscotch: George Washington was 7 feet tall; with laserbeem eyes that never failed, to kill.

Nathaniel Greene was a mountain of a man, with a "born to kill" tattoo.

Between nailing all of the wives and mistresses of the British officers, Ben Franklin singlehandedly forced the French to admit he was awesome and help the US.

Thomas Jefferson once killed a British spy with a writing quill.

Sam Adams singlehandedly supplied all the beer for the colonists. His beer survives to this day.


*Like*
 
2013-03-17 04:14:05 PM

thisisyourbrainonFark: SomeoneDumb: I have it on good authoritah that Revere was "He who warned the British that they weren't going to be taking away our arms by ringing those bells and making sure as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free and we were going to be armed. "

13 seconds. Shakes fist.


It is true. I saw it on Wikipedia. So it HAS to be true. And the truth is true whether you post it 13 seconds early or not.
 
2013-03-17 04:16:02 PM

Deathfrogg: Pumps.

PUMPS

Goddammitsomuch I really need to learn how to type.


I imagined a new kind of titty implants. Or an aquarium bra.
 
2013-03-17 04:22:42 PM
We get it. You hate America.
 
2013-03-17 04:23:26 PM

alwaysjaded: vpb:

The girl named liberty was a myth?  What was her real name then?

Destiny


Did Destiny have a child?

Could it sing?

/Got nothin'
 
2013-03-17 04:24:30 PM

Rent Party: Rochambeau told him to go fark himself


I would have expected Rochambeau to just kick him in the nuts.
 
2013-03-17 04:27:05 PM

dickfreckle: This is why French hate always bewilders me. Not only did they supply us, but they loaned us notable badasses like Francis Marion (Swamp Fox). I'm no military expert, but it seems clear that without the French we would have lost.


People have been snickering at France since the days of Napolean II. They suffered under quite a few weak governments and governmental systems (setting up quite a few international embarrassments) until de Gaulle. And de Gaulle was a colossal dick (sometimes justifiably, maybe, but still). That's the short version.
 
2013-03-17 04:28:03 PM

IntertubeUser: I'll admit it.  Cracked is one of my favorite things about the Internet.


True.  And it's more educational than 99% of the shiat found on the internet, including so-called "news" sites.
 
2013-03-17 04:32:31 PM

thornhill: ImpendingCynic: thornhill: James Madison's diary from the constitutional convention makes it very clear that the reason behind "the right to bear arms" was to pacify anti-federalists who didn't want the federal government to have the authority to establish and maintain an army because it could be used to boss around states. It's really all about anti-federalist paranoia.

Makes more sense than today's "the reason to have guns is to fight for the right to have guns."

Madison's journal is a really interesting read (especially when you consider he did most of the drafting for the Constitution and then wrote the Bill of Rights). Much of the general debate during the convention was driven by anti-federalist paranoia. Despite the Articles of Confederation being a disaster, many delegates loathed to sign on to anything that would reduce their homestate's sovereignty and autonomy (which is why the Federalist Papers are all about debunking anti-Federalist claims and promoting the idea of Federalism).

Other fun Madison readings are his extremely strong and clear views in a separation of church and state. He was even against congressional chaplains! Talk about something that will make the GOP cry.


You can thank them for your Bill of Rights. They weren't paranoid. They knew what would happen.
 
2013-03-17 04:40:24 PM
No word on if he quarterbacked the New England Patriots.

Nah, the Bears ate New England in the olde days.
 
2013-03-17 04:43:47 PM

Old enough to know better: I think most of the hate comes from WWII. Something I never understood either. Yeah they surrendered. After getting their asses beat by the German army. Just like, y'know, most of western Europe?


Have you noticed in the WWII movies that whenever the GIs need intelligence or supplies from 'the underground', they're always French?  As a nation they had their asses handed to them but as a people they fought on as best they could.  Being of Danish descent I can sympathize.  Look at a map of Germany, you'll understand.

<CSB> My dad joined the Danish army just in time for King Christian to surrender to Hitler.  I learned decades later that he and his father-in-law worked on the Underground Rail moving refugees north to freedom. </CSB>
 
2013-03-17 04:51:08 PM

PapaChester: Benedict Arnold was one of America greatest commanders until he committed treason, citing incompetence.


He had good reason.  It can be argued that it was his actions that won the war (France holding back full recognition until they figured that the Americans could fight... Arnold won at Saratoga, France gives in and they come and actually win it for us....)  Then, instead of awarding him some funds/higher command, the Continental Congress give him the finger.
 
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