If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Slate)   "I'm sorry my autistic child is acting out. Let me tell you how you need to deal with it"   (slate.com) divider line 429
    More: Interesting, acting out, sensitivity training  
•       •       •

18011 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Mar 2013 at 4:03 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



429 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-03-17 04:21:38 AM

hardinparamedic: On one hand, we have thousands of Physicians encompassing everything from Neonatology, Endocrinology, Neurology, Child Psychiatry; scientists of numerous disciplines with hard evidence, and decades of epidemiological and public health research which set down quite clearly why we're having more cases of autism now than before


Oh yeah? Why, precisely?
 
2013-03-17 04:23:53 AM

hardinparamedic: You do realize that the "frigid, neglectful parent" theory has been disproven since the 1970s, right? The "real damage" is the fact that their brains developed too much neuronal density in the frontal lobe.


That may answer "what". It most certainly does not answer "why".
 
2013-03-17 04:42:55 AM

Dr. Whoof: Because based on the article, she sounds like she may have undiagnosed mild autism herself.


"Mild autism" is like "slight pregnancy".
 
2013-03-17 04:44:33 AM

Popcorn Johnny: You don't get a free pass to disturb others in public places just because you have a disability.


Actually, you do.
 
2013-03-17 04:46:12 AM

orbister: "Mild autism" is like "slight pregnancy".


No, "mild autism" is like "mild hearing impairment", or "mild cerebral palsy".  It comes in degrees, completely debilitating at the extremely severe end but neutral or even beneficial at the mild end.
 
2013-03-17 04:46:43 AM
Nothing changes one's perspective than becoming a parent, or step-parent in my case of a kid with ADHD and him having an autistic mom.  No idea if he has Aspergers or not, he's 13 and currently doesn't want to go to therapy although he could use it, since he's not really off the chain we're not forcing him.  Yes, he can get up to being an asshole at times, but he's punished appropriately and is generally well behaved when we're out in public.  If I ever thought he was out of hand, though, I wouldn't hesitate to haul his arse out to the parking lot for a "chat" although he's as tall as I am.  He knows better and while he respects and fears his dad, he knows that the wicked stepmother will handily put him in his place.  And yet, he still loves me, bless his sweet lil heart.  I can't imagine a full on autistic child, that is a challenge I haven't ever had to face (only autistic adults, which are another ballgame) but even with his mental problems, I won't let him screw up a good evening of family fun for either the family or for total strangers.  Not on my watch.
 
2013-03-17 04:47:25 AM

SpiderQueenDemon: Autistic kids are not that hard to train. Neither are Down's kids, and neither are neurotypical 'normal' ones.


Call us back if you ever have a child. Or meet one.
 
2013-03-17 04:51:44 AM

chrylis: No, "mild autism" is like "mild hearing impairment", or "mild cerebral palsy".  It comes in degrees, completely debilitating at the extremely severe end but neutral or even beneficial at the mild end.


Used to, maybe. Nowadays we say "autistic spectrum disorder" with autism at one end.

Incidentally, I have infinite sympathy for parents of autistic children and infinite patience for their kids. In particular I have sympathy for them over the large number of people who excuse bad behaviour in their children with "oh, he's got undiagnosed ASD", thus trivialising the whole thing.
 
2013-03-17 04:52:50 AM
Nothing like an autism thread to bring out the trolls...

Soupysales: Sure, so why not punish the rest of society for your defective genes.


Yogimus: Is it too late to SIDS the little bastard? Get a babysitter if you want to go eat, or eat out at dennys, you self righteous pool of defective chromosomes.


and the orcs.  I'm having trouble figuring this out; do people like this think they're being funny, or are they really the sort of people who need to be a bit more fatal-accident-prone?
 
2013-03-17 04:56:27 AM

orbister: Used to, maybe. Nowadays we say "autistic spectrum disorder" with autism at one end.


Until DSM-V, anyway. ;-)  Even if you're making the technical distinction, however, it's worth noting that a firm diagnosis of "autism" encompasses both completely noncommunicative individuals and Temple Grandin.

orbister: In particular I have sympathy for them over the large number of people who excuse bad behaviour in their children with "oh, he's got undiagnosed ASD", thus trivialising the whole thing.


This.  Getting a diagnosis isn't hard, and a good parent would want to get her child whatever sort of training will be useful.
 
2013-03-17 05:18:05 AM

hundreddollarman: UnspokenVoice: hundreddollarman: UnspokenVoice: Chinchillazilla: He has been scowled at on airplanes, in movie theaters, in restaurants, and in bookstores. And I get it-I prefer a quiet airplane ride as much as the next person.

The thing is, you probably don't prefer quiet as much as I do. I have Asperger's, and part of that is that I have a really low tolerance for loud, high-pitched, and/or irregularly spaced noises. A loud crowd? I can deal. A single shrieking person? My ears will single that out for special attention. I am not capable of distracting myself from it. It can cause me to have a panic attack if I can't escape the source of the noise.

So what do I do in situations like this? Am I just screwed because my disability conflicts with the more severe disabilities of others?

You should carry a gun an AR-15.

FTFY

An AR-15 is a good idea BUT it means losing the surprise aspect. Perhaps a pair of Mk IIIs is a suitable compromise and one can always carry extra magazines.

Good point. A handgun is more concealable, but if I'm going to carry a pistol, it wouldn't be a .22. I'd go with a 9mm, something like a Glock 26.


Ah, see I opted for .22 for a reason. Think about how many rounds they can carry AND shoot into a person while they're still standing. They can gleefully dump an entire magazine into a person and still have a dozen magazines in their front pocket or scattered about their body. A 9mm is going to do the job in just a single round or two. S'not nearly as much fun I don't imagine.
 
2013-03-17 05:19:05 AM

Rodeodoc: MeanJean: kxs401

This "everything is for everyone" attitude is ruining humanity.

Yes, lets lock the disabled up in institutions where they get treated like shiat or hide them in the attic instead of accommodating them to spare YOUR delicate feefees.

Sorry that my disabled friend is delaying your journey because it takes a little time for her wheelchair to be strapped into the college transport van. I'll have her personally apologize to you for not being able to farking walk.

The nerve of the disabled, wanting to participate in society. How dare they want to contribute and live their lives?

The faux outrage over your friend/son/mother's condition is petulant at best.  You are asking me to adjust my behavior and expectations because of your situation.  For the most part I am prepared to do that.  But what irks me is when there is no give or take on your side.  You (this is the generic "you") act like the entire world should kiss your ass because of your companion's disability.  The writer of the article lambasted the old man who told her he heard her the first time.  Was he to sit there and listen to her preach and whine and prattle, or could he not just tell her to STFU because he got the message she sent?  She wanted the stage in the restaurant, and he denied her.  That's what really ticked her off.  If you need to pack a wheelchair on the bus, just do it as efficiently and quietly as possible.  We all see you.  If your kid is autistic, we may not be able to differentiate between autism and the rest of the undisciplined, obnoxious crotchfruit that populate the planet.  Make a small effort to tone the kid down, rather the acting like he can do what he wants because of his "disability".

My nephew is is wheelchair bound paraplegic.  I enjoy taking him to hockey games.  We arrive early and leave a bit later to avoid the crowds.  I understand that it inconveniences some, but most also understand he needs a bit of space to maneuver.

Everyone needs to lighten up and ...


All of this. The world doesn't need to kiss your ass or work around your issues.
 
2013-03-17 05:24:16 AM

orbister: hardinparamedic: You do realize that the "frigid, neglectful parent" theory has been disproven since the 1970s, right? The "real damage" is the fact that their brains developed too much neuronal density in the frontal lobe.

That may answer "what". It most certainly does not answer "why".


I am appalled at all the people that simply accept these diagnosis without questioning the origen and seeking a cure. It's ridiculous. Some of these people actually seem proud that they deal with this.
 
2013-03-17 05:37:11 AM

Gyrfalcon: Vector R: BumpInTheNight: Earlier this year, I was out to dinner with a friend and our combined eight kids.

Two adults vs 8 eights and some of them with special needs.  Unless its chucky cheese, you are assholes.  No, no arguments, you are assholes.

I was a little on the fence until I saw that part. Can you imagine that crowd at the movies? C'mon now, they cant possibly wait until Saw 5000 has a "special kid showing," or HEAVEN FORBID they wait until it comes out on DVD?

Why is ANYONE taking their kids to some of the movies out lately ffs? The number of small children I saw recently when we went to "Django Unchained" was appalling. Very small children, like, under ten. Do your kids really have to see that many buckets of blood before they reach their teens?


You live in the US right? I would expect that there. But God forbid you show those kids a tit.
 
2013-03-17 06:04:53 AM
"Shhhhhhh," he hissed from across the room.
Everyone at the table instantly froze-except, of course, for Jonah. "I'm sorry," I explained, rising from my seat and taking a few steps toward him so I wouldn't have to holler. "My son is autistic ... "
"Oh, sorry," he said.
"He's not trying to disturb you intentionally ... "
"I heard you the first time," he snapped, "you`ve pulled the disability card so I just have to listen to flippy there ruin my evening and shut up or have you write an article about me on the internet and how terrible I am"
 
2013-03-17 06:14:05 AM
There's no question that separation makes things easier for everyone. After another older patron at the same establishment complained on a different night about Jonah watching his touch-screen device while waiting for his dinner, we permanently moved our group into a party room apart from the main dining room. I'm finally able to relax-we don't have to make Jonah stay in his seat or constantly remind the seven other kids to use their "indoor voices." Philosophically, however, it bothers me: What are my children, and my friend's children, learning about the place of the disabled in the community? Will they grow up thinking it's perfectly natural for people like Jonah to literally be shunted into a back room?

Yes. That is where children of all ages should be if they won`t be quiet. I don`t want kids running around shouting and playing videos loudly when I pay for a relaxing meal, it doesn`t matter if they are autistic or not. This is the equality she desires, to be excluded from polite society like all the other kids who won`t shut up including my sisters and my sister in laws who are all feral and should not be taken anywhere.

If I wouldn`t want a child acting like that around me whether they are autistic or not then it is not prejudice against the disabled, in fact, it`s exactly the opposite. They are being treated EXACTLY the same as non-disabled kids and their parents don`t like it!
 
2013-03-17 06:27:47 AM

vice_magnet: I will bite the trollbait this one time. I have a developmentally disabled child who is diagnosed with Asperger's. To childless, insensitive assholes FARK YOU. I deal with his behavior 24/7. Suck me dry. I don't get a vacation from this. I am going to eat out. I will kick your dinner into your face if you question my parenting abilities. I have absolutely had it with entitled assholes who think they do nothing wrong. I am going to movies with him. I love him. He isn't trying to be a distraction. He doesn't know all society's norms. I teach him as best I can. If you can't handle it, it's your problem.


Is there some reason why you're doing this alone without help, or are you too special to ask for assistance with your child's behavior issues?
 
2013-03-17 06:51:11 AM

dready zim: There's no question that separation makes things easier for everyone. After another older patron at the same establishment complained on a different night about Jonah watching his touch-screen device while waiting for his dinner, we permanently moved our group into a party room apart from the main dining room. I'm finally able to relax-we don't have to make Jonah stay in his seat or constantly remind the seven other kids to use their "indoor voices." Philosophically, however, it bothers me: What are my children, and my friend's children, learning about the place of the disabled in the community? Will they grow up thinking it's perfectly natural for people like Jonah to literally be shunted into a back room?

Yes. That is where children of all ages should be if they won`t be quiet. I don`t want kids running around shouting and playing videos loudly when I pay for a relaxing meal, it doesn`t matter if they are autistic or not. This is the equality she desires, to be excluded from polite society like all the other kids who won`t shut up including my sisters and my sister in laws who are all feral and should not be taken anywhere.

If I wouldn`t want a child acting like that around me whether they are autistic or not then it is not prejudice against the disabled, in fact, it`s exactly the opposite. They are being treated EXACTLY the same as non-disabled kids and their parents don`t like it!



Disabled is not the same as a child that behaves poorly and is allowed to.
 
2013-03-17 06:52:52 AM

vice_magnet: I have absolutely had it with entitled assholes who think they do nothing wrong.


Not bad, most people wouldn`t pick up on it but this is what gave you away as your post was from the angle of an entitled asshole who thinks they do nothing wrong. You are a hypocrite or a troll. Either way you got some bites.

5/10
 
2013-03-17 07:02:07 AM

AbbeySomeone: Disabled is not the same as a child that behaves poorly and is allowed to.


No, but for a disabled person to be treated the same as a non-disabled person is simple equality. Access is a different matter, but that is not how you treat someone, a person should be able to move into and out of the same areas as everyone else and not be excluded because of a disability but the standards of behaviour are the same.

A child should not be allowed to behave poorly just because they are disabled.
 
2013-03-17 07:12:59 AM

rugman11: PunGent: I was sympathetic until page 2, when she admitted taking an uncontrollably loud autistic into a movie theater.

That's different than a restaurant, you entitled cow.

Our local theatre has started introducing special showings for the "differently abled."  They keep the house lights up a little more and the sound down a little bit, while also allowing kids to move around and make noise.  They've apparently gotten good feedback.

http://www.kansas.com/2012/11/14/2556527/warren-to-screen-movie-for- ki ds.html


Good on them.
 
2013-03-17 07:17:48 AM
My older brother is mentally disabled, can't talk, physically he's okay except for the side effects from the bucket of drugs he's taken every day since he was 3(he's 35 now). He screams and hits himself sometimes when he's uncomfortable or distressed and has OCD when it comes to small things and doors.

Every week I take him to his local pub and we have dinner. He's acted up ONCE in four years(started hitting himself and yelling) and when that happened I took him outside, put him in my car, went back to explain to the staff what happened, apologised and then left. The staff at the pub know us so it wasn't a problem. In four years he's been a problem one time. I put it down to three things:
One, we drug him to the gills so he's less aggressive, people who don't drug their children but say they're mentally disabled and problematic in public are farking idiots. Finding the right balance is difficult I admit and over time the dosages need to rise which is risky, but if they aren't likely to ever have a kid of their own then drug them up.
Two, because I'm family, unlike some of his other carers, I can get a lot more aggressive with him when he does act out, shouting and yelling etc(not in the pub itself on that one time but on the drive home). When he has struck me(I'd say hit but I'd be filtered) a few times I've screamed back at him loud enough for him to really consider never doing that again. He hit me while I was driving once so I pulled over and just screamed at him for three minutes. He's crazy good behaved when I and/or my dad are around(I'm pretty sure my dad belted him something fierce one night or at least screamed at him a hell of a lot when he was around 17 after he beat the crap out of our younger brother (then 12)) and has made being behaved part of his being in public routine as a result. This has made it easier for his other carers as well.
Three, I always seat him between the wall and myself, there is nowhere for him to go and nothing for him to latch onto, the staff there give us the same booth every week without fail. If he looks likely to act up I'm ready to go, I don't care about the meal, the people still there or anything, I'm out the door and he knows it.

The mentally disabled can be a handful, but if you are really really firm and stubborn with them you can usually make them change enough to behave in public. They might not understand why they need to behave but they'll behave.
I've met some other mentally disabled people and their ability to behave in public is usually related to the quality of their care, parents who tried to let them have whatever they wanted have terrible difficulty controlling their kids and as they get older it only gets worse.
Some people might read this and think I'm a bad brother, but I've been looking after him for five years, in that time I've had to yell at him maybe three-four times and been headbutted once, kicked four times and he tried to bite me several times. I love my brother, but I'm not treading on eggshells around him.
 
2013-03-17 07:22:32 AM

vice_magnet: I will bite the trollbait this one time. I have a developmentally disabled child who is diagnosed with Asperger's. To childless, insensitive assholes FARK YOU. I deal with his behavior 24/7. Suck me dry. I don't get a vacation from this. I am going to eat out. I will kick your dinner into your face if you question my parenting abilities. I have absolutely had it with entitled assholes who think they do nothing wrong. I am going to movies with him. I love him. He isn't trying to be a distraction. He doesn't know all society's norms. I teach him as best I can. If you can't handle it, it's your problem.


I get it, really.  Having NORMAL kids is a ton of work...and I get tired just playing with my nieces and nephew, let alone caring for them 24/7.

But really?  I can't enjoy a movie because YOUR kid has problems?

Seems selfish of you.
 
2013-03-17 07:26:11 AM

SpaceBison: Austism is just a made up disease used to cover for the parent's inability or unwillingness to disciple their little crotchfruits.


Over-diagnosed, sure.  But the real deal is farking scary...my late grandmother used to do social work, and she said those kids were the hardest for her...no treatment, back in the day, besides restraints and a padded room.
 
2013-03-17 07:30:30 AM

Gyrfalcon: Vector R: BumpInTheNight: Earlier this year, I was out to dinner with a friend and our combined eight kids.

Two adults vs 8 eights and some of them with special needs.  Unless its chucky cheese, you are assholes.  No, no arguments, you are assholes.

I was a little on the fence until I saw that part. Can you imagine that crowd at the movies? C'mon now, they cant possibly wait until Saw 5000 has a "special kid showing," or HEAVEN FORBID they wait until it comes out on DVD?

Why is ANYONE taking their kids to some of the movies out lately ffs? The number of small children I saw recently when we went to "Django Unchained" was appalling. Very small children, like, under ten. Do your kids really have to see that many buckets of blood before they reach their teens?


I first noticed that back when Sin City came out...unattended YOUNG kids crawling around the seats.

At least they missed some of what was on the screen...Jebus.
 
2013-03-17 07:31:08 AM

PunGent: vice_magnet: I will bite the trollbait this one time. I have a developmentally disabled child who is diagnosed with Asperger's. To childless, insensitive assholes FARK YOU. I deal with his behavior 24/7. Suck me dry. I don't get a vacation from this. I am going to eat out. I will kick your dinner into your face if you question my parenting abilities. I have absolutely had it with entitled assholes who think they do nothing wrong. I am going to movies with him. I love him. He isn't trying to be a distraction. He doesn't know all society's norms. I teach him as best I can. If you can't handle it, it's your problem.

I get it, really.  Having NORMAL kids is a ton of work...and I get tired just playing with my nieces and nephew, let alone caring for them 24/7.

But really?  I can't enjoy a movie because YOUR kid has problems?

Seems selfish of you.


Calling it selfish is polite and kind. If your child is disruptive in public and you know it you should keep them at home or fix the situation.
 
2013-03-17 07:32:03 AM

UnspokenVoice: hundreddollarman: UnspokenVoice: hundreddollarman: UnspokenVoice: Chinchillazilla: He has been scowled at on airplanes, in movie theaters, in restaurants, and in bookstores. And I get it-I prefer a quiet airplane ride as much as the next person.

The thing is, you probably don't prefer quiet as much as I do. I have Asperger's, and part of that is that I have a really low tolerance for loud, high-pitched, and/or irregularly spaced noises. A loud crowd? I can deal. A single shrieking person? My ears will single that out for special attention. I am not capable of distracting myself from it. It can cause me to have a panic attack if I can't escape the source of the noise.

So what do I do in situations like this? Am I just screwed because my disability conflicts with the more severe disabilities of others?

You should carry a gun an AR-15.

FTFY

An AR-15 is a good idea BUT it means losing the surprise aspect. Perhaps a pair of Mk IIIs is a suitable compromise and one can always carry extra magazines.

Good point. A handgun is more concealable, but if I'm going to carry a pistol, it wouldn't be a .22. I'd go with a 9mm, something like a Glock 26.

Ah, see I opted for .22 for a reason. Think about how many rounds they can carry AND shoot into a person while they're still standing. They can gleefully dump an entire magazine into a person and still have a dozen magazines in their front pocket or scattered about their body. A 9mm is going to do the job in just a single round or two. S'not nearly as much fun I don't imagine.


Every time someone questions the stopping power of a .22, I ask if I can shoot them in the chest with one.

No takers yet, oddly.
 
2013-03-17 07:35:06 AM
I'm a pretty tolerant guy and wouldn't have minded the kid too much myself having taken small kids out in public many a times, but the dumb wench of a mother doesn't even sound like she was trying to parent the kid at all til some guy did something.

When you take a kid out in public, you don't get to stop parenting, even if it's a kid with special needs. For a lot of people who go out in public to pay good money for that movie or restaurant dinner, it's a special occasion that they maybe don't even get more than once or twice a year. Who wants that spoiled by an entitled "parent" who pays their screaming kid about as much mind as people pay toilet seat color? Kid got special needs? Guess you'd better meet them. It's your duty parent, nobody else's.
 
2013-03-17 07:36:00 AM

vice_magnet: I have absolutely had it with entitled assholes who think they do nothing wrong. I am going to movies with him. I love him


I absolutely love the cognitive dissonance of someone who will knowingly and willingly ruin an entire theater full of people's evenings, then call them entitled for getting upset about it.
All because "you deal with it 24/7"?  If your kid is such a burden, put him in a home or something instead of just trying to include other people in that burden.
 
2013-03-17 08:04:40 AM

AbbeySomeone: All of this. The world doesn't need to kiss your ass or work around your issues


Advice which, it seems, has not been fully accepted by the irritated people on planes, in restaurants and at cinemas. Don't like the sound of children? That's your problem, not theirs.
 
2013-03-17 08:05:58 AM

AbbeySomeone: I am appalled at all the people that simply accept these diagnosis without questioning the origen and seeking a cure. It's ridiculous. Some of these people actually seem proud that they deal with this.


Unlike the rest of science, much of medicine - and particularly mental health medicine - is still stuck at the Victorian stage of "examine it, measure it, name it, we're done".
 
2013-03-17 08:10:28 AM

dready zim: I don`t want kids running around shouting and playing videos loudly when I pay for a relaxing meal


Well, they don't want to behave as if they're in church when they go out for a lively sociable meal just because you want the silence of the crypt while eating. So explain, will you, why your demands trump theirs? Your answer should include the phrase "my monstrous sense of entitlement".
 
2013-03-17 08:18:40 AM

dready zim: No, but for a disabled person to be treated the same as a non-disabled person is simple equality.


"Simple" being the operative word. We don't treat disabled and non-disabled people the same, because, although it may meet a particular simple-minded definition of equality, it doesn't meet any reasonable definition of equity. Why should blind people be allowed o take guide dogs into restaurants when seeing people can't? Because it's fair. Why should deaf people get hearing aids when hearing people don't? Because it's fair. Why should wheelchair users be allowed to park where not wheelchair users may not? Because it's fair.
 
2013-03-17 08:23:13 AM

PunGent: But really?  I can't enjoy a movie because YOUR kid has problems?

Seems selfish of you.


No more selfish than the idea that she shouldn't enjoy a movie because your kids has problems.

A couple of times I have been on a train when a clearly disabled child has been making a lot of noise, surrounding passengers have been glaring and the parents have been looking increasing harassed. In those cases I make a point of walking over and saying, with a smile, "Please don't worry on my behalf about the noise your son is making. It doesn't bother me in the slightest."
 
2013-03-17 08:26:08 AM

Terrible Old Man: For a lot of people who go out in public to pay good money for that movie or restaurant dinner, it's a special occasion that they maybe don't even get more than once or twice a year.


Indeed. So why should they have it spoiled by some grumpy old fool who doesn't like children. If you want a quiet dinner, get a takeaway and have it home.

This does not, by the way, excuse any avoidable poor behaviour on the part of children.
 
2013-03-17 08:27:37 AM

orbister: dready zim: I don`t want kids running around shouting and playing videos loudly when I pay for a relaxing meal

Well, they don't want to behave as if they're in church when they go out for a lively sociable meal just because you want the silence of the crypt while eating. So explain, will you, why your demands trump theirs? Your answer should include the phrase "my monstrous sense of entitlement".


It all comes down to established codes of conduct at the place you go to.  If it was chuck-e-cheeze's, the guy's an asshat for criticizing childish behavior.  If it was a nice quiet restaurant, TFA is the asshat for bringing in a 14 year old human noisemaker.  There's a lot of gray area between, and TFA only describes it as a "casual restaurant", which is somewhat nebulous.  There's plenty of places that I would describe as "casual", but still expect some goddamned peace and quiet during my dinner.

The fact that TFA sided with the Whole Foods leash lady is what dashes her credibility in my mind though.  Your kid gets caught stealing (and it's your fault for not keeping an eye on him), and you'd rather make yourself the victim?  Yeah, that's silly.  TFA has established herself as someone who agrees with that mentality, so I can't rule out the possibility of her adhering to it here.
 
2013-03-17 08:48:11 AM

serial_crusher: orbister: dready zim: I don`t want kids running around shouting and playing videos loudly when I pay for a relaxing meal

Well, they don't want to behave as if they're in church when they go out for a lively sociable meal just because you want the silence of the crypt while eating. So explain, will you, why your demands trump theirs? Your answer should include the phrase "my monstrous sense of entitlement".

It all comes down to established codes of conduct at the place you go to.  If it was chuck-e-cheeze's, the guy's an asshat for criticizing childish behavior.  If it was a nice quiet restaurant, TFA is the asshat for bringing in a 14 year old human noisemaker.  There's a lot of gray area between, and TFA only describes it as a "casual restaurant", which is somewhat nebulous.  There's plenty of places that I would describe as "casual", but still expect some goddamned peace and quiet during my dinner.


A "nice" restaurant that serves a kid's hamburger and fries?  Methinks we aren't talking about L'Espalier here.

People need to get over it already.  Autistic kids are generally no worse than other "normal" kids.  As a parent, use good discretion and don't be a jerk to people who object to your presence.  Not every situation needs to be a teachable moment.  And don't expect to take your snowflake to a fancy location or one requiring quiet unless you have made prior arrangements.  Many movie theatres have special showings for kids with special needs.

On the other side, going out to a public place doesn't entitle you to the perfect moment.  You can, and will, be disturbed by all kinds of people and if you can't reconcile yourself to that fact, then stay home and order takeout.
 
2013-03-17 09:16:47 AM

vice_magnet: I will bite the trollbait this one time. I have a developmentally disabled child who is diagnosed with Asperger's. To childless, insensitive assholes FARK YOU. I deal with his behavior 24/7. Suck me dry. I don't get a vacation from this. I am going to eat out. I will kick your dinner into your face if you question my parenting abilities. I have absolutely had it with entitled assholes who think they do nothing wrong. I am going to movies with him. I love him. He isn't trying to be a distraction. He doesn't know all society's norms. I teach him as best I can. If you can't handle it, it's your problem.


While I'm sure he isn't trying to be a distraction, I'm pretty sure he's quite good at it nonetheless.  I sympathize with you having to care for him 24/7 and hope that someday you will be lucky enough to carve out enough time for yourself to go out and at least enjoy a quiet relaxing meal, perhaps with a friend.  And let's just hope some self-righteous prick with defective crotchfruit doesn't ruin that meal for you and everyone else in the restaurant.
 
2013-03-17 09:37:40 AM
The article's author is a bad parent for not taking her child to Jenny McCarthy to be cured of Autism.
 
2013-03-17 09:40:15 AM

chrylis: No, "mild autism" is like "mild hearing impairment", or "mild cerebral palsy".  It comes in degrees, completely debilitating at the extremely severe end but neutral or even beneficial at the mild end.


what do all degrees of autism along the spectrum have in common?

another way to put the point: why think that "mild" autism and "severe" autism are two forms of the same condition, as opposed to two very different conditions?
 
2013-03-17 10:02:34 AM
SpiderQueenDemon:

I think one problem with parents is that people take "It not my fault" as synonymous with "It's not my responsibility". I will admit to being a health nut when I was carrying each of my kids. I don't drink alcohol at all, never did drugs, stayed away from all OTC stuff outside of tums, even cut the caffeine and most sugar out. However, the first two kids fell in the spectrum. By the time we sorted out the first child with this, the others were already born/in process. I don't blame shots, I had a gut feeling that something was off, being around babies and toddlers all my life, but doctors kept saying the kid will grow out of some of the quirks. They didn't, and we picked up on the second quicker because of it. The youngest is more of a melodramatic, and so training shifts into not expecting crap from people just because one can make good Puss in Boot eyes at them. I know darn well I can't be around all the time or forever, to warn outsiders or to ask them to give consideration to my preciousez.

 In any case, I brought them into the world, they are my responsibility to prepare them for it in realistic terms

I am not doing the martyr bit. Just to highlight that our response was to adjust our parenting to different training, rather than expecting society to treat us special or 'help' us raise our children...any of them. The way I figure, my kids are going to be out with the grow ups someday, and and all the childhood pity they got in the world won't help them if they don't know how to handle the fire alarm at their first job.
 
2013-03-17 10:39:54 AM

miniflea: He wasn't exceedingly loud, but the oddness of his behavior had clearly caught the attention of an older gentleman at the one other table occupied at that early hour.

"Shhhhhhh," he hissed from across the room.

Everyone at the table instantly froze-except, of course, for Jonah. "I'm sorry," I explained, rising from my seat and taking a few steps toward him so I wouldn't have to holler. "My son is autistic ... "

"Oh, sorry," he said.

"He's not trying to disturb you intentionally ... "

"I heard you the first time," he snapped.

My face burned as I returned to my seat, his gratuitous nastiness instantly draining the joy from my evening.


Is it just me, or is that actually a pretty reasonable response from the old guy?



It certainly wasn't gratuitous nastiness.  If this is really the best example she could come up with of being treated "unfairly," then she's clearly not facing the oppression she thinks she is.
 
2013-03-17 11:12:33 AM
"HAMBURGER!  FRENCH FRIES!" <knife and fork banging on the table>

"Shhhhhhh," he hissed from across the room.

"HAMBURGER!  FRENCH FRIES!" <knife and fork banging on the table>

Everyone at the table instantly froze-except, of course, for Jonah. "I'm sorry," I explained, rising from my seat and taking a few steps toward him so I wouldn't have to holler. "My son is autistic ... "

"HAMBURGER!  FRENCH FRIES!" <knife and fork banging on the table>

"Oh, sorry," he said.

"HAMBURGER!  FRENCH FRIES!" <knife and fork banging on the table>

"He's not trying to disturb you intentionally ... "

"HAMBURGER!  FRENCH FRIES!" <knife and fork banging on the table>

"I heard you the first time," he snapped.

"HAMBURGER!  FRENCH FRIES!" <knife and fork banging on the table>

My face burned as I returned to my seat, his gratuitous nastiness instantly draining the joy from my evening.

"HAMBURGER!  FRENCH FRIES!" <knife and fork banging on the table>
 
2013-03-17 11:28:38 AM

WTFdoesitmatter: chrylis: Oh, save this canard for the ADHD threads. There's legitimate debate about what "counts" as autistic, but there are no (non-quack) drug or surgical treatments, so this one at least isn't a conspiracy by Big Pharma.

The massive increases in autism and ADHD diagnoses in recent years are two sides of the same coin. Even if there is no official autism drug, doctors are still making a ton of money diagnosing and "treating" any kid they can get their hand on. All that is happening is that the imaginations and creativity of a large number of children are being suppressed by being drugged. Furthermore, these major behavioral issues were not nearly as prevalent until the age where children were constantly being bombarded by media and advertising.


Do you have any sort of evidence to support this conspiracy theory of yours?
 
2013-03-17 12:09:54 PM

december: chrylis: No, "mild autism" is like "mild hearing impairment", or "mild cerebral palsy".  It comes in degrees, completely debilitating at the extremely severe end but neutral or even beneficial at the mild end.

what do all degrees of autism along the spectrum have in common?

another way to put the point: why think that "mild" autism and "severe" autism are two forms of the same condition, as opposed to two very different conditions?


Autistic characteristics reliably come in a cluster called the "autistic triad", which consists of difficulties in person-to-person communication (e.g., reading body language), social understanding (figuring out what behaviors are appropriate when), and various executive tasks.  Virtually all people with these characteristics also has particular sensory sensitivity corresponding in degree to the others, and stress can "turn them up" so that in tough situations, someone who's on the mild-to-unnoticeable end of the spectrum can look very similar to how someone with a more severe version does normally.  Additionally, these characteristics usually come with a fairly standardized package of specific quirks (such as literal interpretation of speech and a very marked preference for small-scale routines) that are noticeable in individuals across the spectrum.
 
2013-03-17 12:24:08 PM

chrylis: omeganuepsilon: SpiderQueenDemon: But you do have to train them, just like you'd train a dog, and for much the same reasons.

People will deny that and actively disbelieve it for the same excuses they deny evolution. "We did not come from monkey's, god made us and we're special! Those tactics are for raising animals[said with as much disdain as possible]"

Oddly enough, my experience has been that the fundamentalist type tends to discipline children effectively, while the more smug type of liberal tends to have entitled snowflakes.


I'd say the rate is probably the samethe same.  Plenty of fundy kids are spoiled rotten.  Haven't you heard of Westboro Baptists?

But that's not what I was referring to, only that fundy types will deny the similarity to animals.  Of course a higher power telling them to will still cause discipline, but as is often the case, it's not really carried out well and intelligently.

And in liberal types, there is still plenty of discipline it's just as ineffective.  What's interesting is that it can be cyclical causing one kid to grow up to be liberal from being over disciplined, and his kid grows up and thinks he HAS to be listened to, etc.  The "I'm not going to do that to my kid, I know what it's like" phenomenon.

In short, bad parenting begets bad parenting, whatever the case or type of parenting(too much or too little).
 
2013-03-17 12:37:21 PM

chrylis: december: chrylis: No, "mild autism" is like "mild hearing impairment", or "mild cerebral palsy".  It comes in degrees, completely debilitating at the extremely severe end but neutral or even beneficial at the mild end.

what do all degrees of autism along the spectrum have in common?

another way to put the point: why think that "mild" autism and "severe" autism are two forms of the same condition, as opposed to two very different conditions?

Autistic characteristics reliably come in a cluster called the "autistic triad", which consists of difficulties in person-to-person communication (e.g., reading body language), social understanding (figuring out what behaviors are appropriate when), and various executive tasks.  Virtually all people with these characteristics also has particular sensory sensitivity corresponding in degree to the others, and stress can "turn them up" so that in tough situations, someone who's on the mild-to-unnoticeable end of the spectrum can look very similar to how someone with a more severe version does normally.  Additionally, these characteristics usually come with a fairly standardized package of specific quirks (such as literal interpretation of speech and a very marked preference for small-scale routines) that are noticeable in individuals across the spectrum.


thanks for the helpful reply.

I agree with the sentiment that the people who have mild versions ruin it for the people with severe conditions. I actually heard someone say that her child has a "mild form of Aspergers." What the hell is that? That's why i think it would benefit the ASD community if the severe versions had a different name and their own spectrum, and were not lumped in with the others.

So much of mental illness depends on its social dimension -- how it is perceived, how people react to those who have it, how the medical community treats it -- and autism is such a huge tent right now that it's hard to make statements that are true for all, so most statements come across as BS.
 
2013-03-17 12:56:35 PM

kimmygibblershomework: Folks can marry their houseplant but bog forbid if I want to find my wife's ring in the grass with a metal detector.  A pet peeve of mine is all of the local idiots that bought some regentrified WW2 shoebox and park their car on the street.  Ya have that whole driveway and can't save all of the other users of the road the hassle of avoiding your car because you can't take an extra 15 seconds to back out of your driveway.  As my dad used to say, "the fleas come with the dog". I also appreciate the general 'tude of if I want to enjoy the one day I have off with the woman I love and buy her food and I am irked by someone's behavior, that I am some sort of caveperson.  Just get em a tshirt.  If their own behavior doesn't bother them at all, then why would a tshirt that explains their condition to the public?  We all want to know how special lil Suzy pink panties is also, so as not to offend thee.  Any dog under 25 pounds is not a service dog.  Just get a furby and feed them with your smartphone.  Also get the ADA tattooed on your forehead so we don't have to listen to the "You are NOT ALLOWED to ask me that question!" horseshiat in every airport, eatery, busline, sitcom, fruitbats, orangutans, and sitch.


Are you.... are you having a stroke?  Do you need me to call emergency services?
 
2013-03-17 01:04:27 PM

cptjeff: Mikey1969: cptjeff: Mikey1969: cptjeff: Mikey1969: I've seen plenty of autistic and Down's Syndrome people out and about, and if you're so farking precious that you can't handle sitting in the same restaurant as them, you really aren't ready for big-people restaurants.

Seriously, if the kid isn't banging you on the head with tableware, you really SHOULD be able to cope. It's not that hard.

Whole Foods had a point about food contamination, but the security guard was completely out of line and deserved to lose his job. Way too many assholes out there who think tat everyone needs to conform to THEIR particular set of standards, and think that they get to dictate who comes into a restaurant or store merely because THEY are in attendance.

In other words, I hate people.

Which is good, because thinking people hate you.

Jesus. That's the best you can come up with? You need to go back to rebuttal 101, you suck at this.

The problem is that I'm tired and haven't eaten yet, and there was too much stupid packed into your post for me to bother with any sort of real response.

Well, that's marginally better, but it has the ring of group participation to it, as if you got a whole room of morons to help you craft it.

Look, as much as you may want to get into a flame war, I make it a policy to not fight against unarmed opponents. Grow a brain first, then get back to me.


Sigh... the phrase is 'I refuse to get into a battle of wits against an unarmed opponent', it changes the entire meaning of the phrase, if you can't use it correctly, you should try not embarrassing yourself.
 
2013-03-17 01:31:12 PM

Gyrfalcon: vice_magnet: I will bite the trollbait this one time. I have a developmentally disabled child who is diagnosed with Asperger's. To childless, insensitive assholes FARK YOU. I deal with his behavior 24/7. Suck me dry. I don't get a vacation from this. I am going to eat out. I will kick your dinner into your face if you question my parenting abilities. I have absolutely had it with entitled assholes who think they do nothing wrong. I am going to movies with him. I love him. He isn't trying to be a distraction. He doesn't know all society's norms. I teach him as best I can. If you can't handle it, it's your problem.

Is there some reason why you're doing this alone without help, or are you too special to ask for assistance with your child's behavior issues?


I read the original post by vice_magnet and exactly three words come to mind: Respite.  Care.  NAO.  (Yes, I know respite care services are not available everywhere.  If they are available where she is, though, she should take advantage of it now and again just for purposes of preservation of sanity.)
 
Displayed 50 of 429 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report