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(Slate)   "I'm sorry my autistic child is acting out. Let me tell you how you need to deal with it"   (slate.com) divider line 429
    More: Interesting, acting out, sensitivity training  
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18015 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Mar 2013 at 4:03 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-16 04:43:49 PM
My friend's brother-in-law seems to be a high-functioning sociopath- he's very smart (he's an engineer, and he works with my husband at the lab); but he's also extremely moronic when it comes to interacting with people.  He's a leper at work, and while you feel sorry for him, when you meet him, it's VERY hard to like him.  He makes inappropriate comments to my friend (he went into the private room where she was nursing her son and started talking about her breasts the other day), and he charged a lot of porn to the company card and turned in on his statement.  He's a grown man, and has no friends and can't get a girlfriend.  It really is sad...but no one can stand to be around him.  However, his mother still babies him and begs everyone to spend time with him.

It's a sad reality, but people who don't function well in our society are going to be outcasts...and society won't change for them.  It's hard to be friends with someone who doesn't understand boundaries.  As a mother, I completely understand wanting people to like your child and being heartbroken when they don't...but as a member of society, it's impossible to welcome everyone in when they are so difficult to deal with.  It's a very thin line, and there's not a lot of help for people who have to walk it.
 
2013-03-16 04:43:56 PM

Dragonflew: Cup_O_Jo: No mentally disabled is way different than physically disabled. But hey you want to lump us all in together you go ahead. I hope you live life with all your limbs and brain working.

So you would be just fine with a mentally retarded person being insulted by being called "disabled" because it included people like you?


No, no, no, They are SUPERabled! Completely different. Don't you see how superior their disa-er alternative ability is? The tards have no cause to feel insulted when it is CLEAR for all to see that their disabilities are on the bottom.


How dare you suggest otherwise?
 
2013-03-16 04:47:31 PM
I really think we need to take a lesson from ancient Sparta. Their compassion for retards was the stuff of legend.
 
2013-03-16 04:47:32 PM
FTA-

Earlier this year, I was out to dinner with a friend and our combined eight kids.

I'm gonna stop you right there and say that taking eight kids out to dinner is a disaster waiting to happen. A disaster for everyone else I mean. You are used to their behavior.


My 14-year-old son, Jonah, who has autism, was very excited about the imminent arrival of his hamburger and french fries,


I see what you did there. You could have just said "food" but describing the food makes it more childish and cute.


so he was acting as he does when he's happy: bouncing in his seat, clapping his hands, and vocalizing a mishmash of squawks and catchphrases from his favorite Sesame Street videos. He wasn't exceedingly loud,

Yes, he was. If it's loud enough to get the attention of others in the restaurant it's exceedingly loud.


but the oddness of his behavior had clearly caught the attention of an older gentleman at the one other table occupied at that early hour.


No, it's because he was "exceedingly loud". Quietly bouncing in his seat wouldn't have attracted any attention.


"Shhhhhhh," he hissed from across the room.


Good for him! Someone needs to control your kid if you won't. You're inconsiderate of others.


Everyone at the table instantly froze-except, of course, for Jonah.


OMG! Someone did something politically incorrect in an attempt to get your kid to STFU since you weren't.


"I'm sorry," I explained, rising from my seat and taking a few steps toward him so I wouldn't have to holler. "My son is autistic ... "

"Oh, sorry," he said.

"He's not trying to disturb you intentionally ... "

"I heard you the first time," he snapped.



Nobody cares why he's doing it or if he is "special" or any other reason. Have some consideration for other people and just get him to STFU.


My face burned as I returned to my seat, his gratuitous nastiness instantly draining the joy from my evening.

You know what else is gratuitously nasty and drains the joy out of the evening for everyone who isn't you? That's right, your kid acting out in public.


I spent the rest of the dinner constantly shushing Jonah,


Give that guy a farking medal! He got you to control your child in public like every other considerate parent has had to do since forever. Hallelujah!


even though we had specifically decided to eat out at 6 on a Thursday night in a casual eatery so we wouldn't have to hold any of the kids to impossible standards of behavior.

The time and place are irrelevant. You should be teaching your other kids that being considerate of others is not reserved for only certain times or places. Whether there is one other person or a crowd is also irrelevant. If you think your children sitting quietly is an impossible standard of behavior you are an idiot. You should not take them out again until they are able to behave.

If I'm the only person there even in the middle of my meal I'm calling the waitress to box my food. Then the manager to tell them why I'm leaving.
 
2013-03-16 04:47:54 PM

I May Be Crazy But...: ReverendJynxed: Funny thing is not everything is "working" according to the powers that be 9physical AND mental.) I'm just not going to say I'm better than someone else with disabilities because mine aren't as severe or limiting.

I'm not THAT much of an asshole even if you are.

Let me start by saying that I'm not a cripple and, no matter what my brother calls me, not mentally retarded. So this is based on people I've known.

But there is a difference in the two. Someone who needs a cane or a wheelchair and can take care of themselves is flat out different than an adult who needs a caretaker. They aren't worth more as people, but it is different. And when you start saying everyone with some sort of disability is the same, you're implicitly telling some people (who work hard to stay independent) that they need to be taken care of, which is a reasonable reason to be insulted.


And you miss the point.

I'm not saying the disabilities aren't different. I'm merely calling the assholes on their belief they are somehow superior to these other individuals. Yes the problems are handled differently.

It is insulting to all when someone tries to claim superiority of another based on their level of disability. I never claimed they all needed to be taken care of the same way either, just treated the same with the same level of dignity and respect any one of these super-abled asshats demand. See the difference?
 
2013-03-16 04:48:18 PM

basemetal: Ennuipoet: To be fair, it's getting might difficult to distinguish between the developmentally disabled and the genuine assholes.

So true.

/have the 5 and 7 yo niece and nephew this weekend
//took them out to eat and they marveled me with their appropriate behavior
///I'll have to give the brother in law and his wife some credit when we transfer them tomorrow
////I hope they had a good break
///reaffirmed that I did not belong having kids though
//although a night of watching Adventure Time was fun


/
Finished the damn slashie pyramid for you...

I used to work with mentally challenged individuals and did so for 7 years.
They were either the most medically fragile or the people with the worst behavioral issues.
I see both sides of this issue in a very personal way. They do the the right to go in public. however with that right comes certain responsibilities.
They had to act appropriately.
Part of my job was to assist them with maintaining the correct social expectations when out to dinner or a movie.
If they couldn't act appropriately we would remove them from the situation.
They don't have the right to ruin every one else's evening.
Most of the time the evening out was pleasant and enjoyable for all.
With privileges and rights come responsibility. I don't know why this generation seems to have never learned this.
 
2013-03-16 04:48:40 PM
Cup of Joe

#1. Autism from what I have learned in the last years is not a DISABILITY. I am disabled. I have MS.
Please don't compare me to the Mentally "disabled". I would appreciate it. Lumping mental retardation in with physical handicapped people is demeaning.


So autistic people don't have any impairments? That's news to me.

And why is it degrading to be placed under the same umbrella as the mentally disabled? Both of you need certain accommodations and both are entitled to the same legal protections.

And furthermore, not all autistic people are mentally retarded.

I may be crazy but

Someone who needs a cane or a wheelchair and can take care of themselves is flat out different than an adult who needs a caretaker.

Some physically disabled people need caretakers. Some mentally disabled people don't need caretakers and work hard to stay independent.
 
2013-03-16 04:48:43 PM

ruetheday69: ReverendJynxed: Cup_O_Jo: ReverendJynxed: Cup_O_Jo: #1. Autism from what I have learned in the last years is not a DISABILITY. I am disabled. I have MS.
Please don't compare me to the Mentally "disabled". I would appreciate it. Lumping mental retardation in with physical handicapped people is demeaning.
#2. I don't get a free pass to do whatever I want. If I forget my cane and fall onto someone's wedding cake---"oh sorry" is not going to work. Instead I go places prepared to handle my condition whatever it is that day.
#3. All people mentioned had a caretaker. Maybe the Mom should have been sitting closer to her son-paying more attention to him. Maybe the sister should have her brother on a leash. And maybe the writer should understand I don't want your teenage sons grubby hands all in my freaking salad bar.
This article to me is one of those "it takes a village to raise a child and my child (ect) is autisitic so you should learn how to deal with it. WHEN in fact people should be learning how to handle it themselves, Society is nerfed enough. Yes, we understand your child has special needs however, you need to understand YOU are going to have to do extra work to have them in society.

I agree, it is demeaning. After all, their bodies work!

What, you have a "better" disability? Is your disability superior? I hope a helpful tard pushes your chair into traffic.

No mentally disabled is way different than physically disabled. But hey you want to lump us all in together you go ahead. I hope you live life with all your limbs and brain working.

Funny thing is not everything is "working" according to the powers that be 9physical AND mental.) I'm just not going to say I'm better than someone else with disabilities because mine aren't as severe or limiting.

I'm not THAT much of an asshole even if you are.

Except... MS screws with your brain too. My mother has MS and she has severe brain lesions to the point where her memory is horrible and stuff like that.


Then I guess MS isn't superior is it?

Now you can go fark yourself for proving my point.
 
2013-03-16 04:48:46 PM
If you can't control your crotchfruit, don't burden the rest of society with them.  Leave them at home.
 
2013-03-16 04:49:22 PM

MeanJean: kxs401

This "everything is for everyone" attitude is ruining humanity.

Yes, lets lock the disabled up in institutions where they get treated like shiat or hide them in the attic instead of accommodating them to spare YOUR delicate feefees.

Sorry that my disabled friend is delaying your journey because it takes a little time for her wheelchair to be strapped into the college transport van. I'll have her personally apologize to you for not being able to farking walk.

The nerve of the disabled, wanting to participate in society. How dare they want to contribute and live their lives?


Way to miss the point.  No one is complaining that they had to move so that a wheelchair could fit around a table, or had to be strapped down before the bus moves.  As a disabled person (wheelchair- 15 years and counting) I try my best not to inconvenience other people, like any normal member of a civilized society.  The reality is, being disabled, there are certain things you aren't ABLE to do.  It sucks balls, but you adapt, and find alternatives.  I've lived my life fine for 15+ years never climbing a step.  Ramps and elevators help, but if they aren't available, I go somewhere else.  If someone can't behave in an appropriate manner, go somewhere else.  Life isn't fair, deal with it.  I do.

/Your friend is not relevant to this situation
//I'm sure she appreciates you talking about her though
///how long till these little farkers are taking my parking space?
 
2013-03-16 04:50:55 PM
Actually I've found that helicopter parents of autists are usually much more disruptive and annoying then their children. Well, not counting when the autist flies into a violent rage.
 
2013-03-16 04:50:55 PM
I was sympathetic until page 2, when she admitted taking an uncontrollably loud autistic into a movie theater.

That's different than a restaurant, you entitled cow.
 
2013-03-16 04:51:40 PM
When the guy apologized she should have left it at that instead of trying to explain even more, just say thanks and go back to the table.  I like it that she is openly upset, hence the word-rage article, yet isn't smart enough to see her own shortcomings.  It's a clear demonstration of what a hypocritical coont she is.  She's no different than the guy who told her to stuff it, only less aggressive about it.  They both got upset when the other party didn't stop yaking.  She did make the first mistake, however, ergo coont status.

Having said that.  If the behavior can get sane people arrested for things like public indecency, public intoxication, public disturbance, etc, that same allotted behavior should not have general exceptions because people are mentally challenged.

Yeah, don't arrest them, fine the legal guardians.  The rules are there for a purpose, no one is exempt.  Do not do X in public.  This goes for everyone.  If you are a caretaker, you are legally responsible for your ward's activities.

Having a mental condition does not grant the poor soul extra privilege, nor does it grant extra privilege to the caretaker.  We shouldn't allow people to do as they will against public law because we pity them or their circumstances.

It's not that they don't deserve the chance of exposure, everyone deserves the chance at complete freedom.  It is when people learn that they cannot handle the responsibility that come with such things, that those freedoms are removed.  Hence prisons and mental hospitals.

Guns are a freedom as well, except to those that cannot handle the freedom responsibly.  These people are disallowed from owning and using such things, motor vehicles are the same way, when people prove themselves to be incapable.

I do pity people with such kids, kids that have proven to be similarly incapable at such a young age.  But face facts.  "We" are not under responsibility to be charitable, that is what taxes are.  We've given our share to take care of your tax break(our only obligation to your prized snowflake).  Everything else is directly on you.

If you cannot handle the responsibility, much as your offspring cannot, then you are in it deep, and maybe, just maybe, you should attempt to rectify or avoid situations where you are incapable of performing responsibly...
 
2013-03-16 04:51:59 PM

MeanJean: kxs401

This "everything is for everyone" attitude is ruining humanity.

Yes, lets lock the disabled up in institutions where they get treated like shiat or hide them in the attic instead of accommodating them to spare YOUR delicate feefees.

Sorry that my disabled friend is delaying your journey because it takes a little time for her wheelchair to be strapped into the college transport van. I'll have her personally apologize to you for not being able to farking walk.

The nerve of the disabled, wanting to participate in society. How dare they want to contribute and live their lives?


Your friends inability to walk is in no way similar to an autistic child's inability to function in a social setting.
 
2013-03-16 04:52:09 PM

Cup_O_Jo: #1. Autism from what I have learned in the last years is not a DISABILITY. I am disabled. I have MS.
Please don't compare me to the Mentally "disabled". I would appreciate it. Lumping mental retardation in with physical handicapped people is demeaning.
#2. I don't get a free pass to do whatever I want. If I forget my cane and fall onto someone's wedding cake---"oh sorry" is not going to work. Instead I go places prepared to handle my condition whatever it is that day.
#3. All people mentioned had a caretaker. Maybe the Mom should have been sitting closer to her son-paying more attention to him. Maybe the sister should have her brother on a leash. And maybe the writer should understand I don't want your teenage sons grubby hands all in my freaking salad bar.
This article to me is one of those "it takes a village to raise a child and my child (ect) is autisitic so you should learn how to deal with it. WHEN in fact people should be learning how to handle it themselves, Society is nerfed enough. Yes, we understand your child has special needs however, you need to understand YOU are going to have to do extra work to have them in society.


This
 
2013-03-16 04:52:43 PM
Matthew Keene: Here's a question to ponder. You're out in public, and some autistic crotchfruit smacks you hard from behind, and the mother tells you to deal with it because her child is just 'acting out.' What would you do about it?

I'd be happy it wasn't the entirely healthy 18 year old who ran me over with her car last year (and ran); I'd look at the mother and await what would likely be a red-faced apology (with acceptance) and reflect on the luck of having a healthy, grown child of my own

why? am i supposed to bend down with bared teeth and growl or something?

I've been "smacked hard from behind" in public by grown men who seemed to think i'd appreciate it......
 
2013-03-16 04:53:03 PM

Ennuipoet:  perhaps we could the assholes wear a special hat or something.


An "asshat"?

/like
 
2013-03-16 04:53:12 PM

Valiente: So first I pictured a yellow star, and then Andy DIck. I'm pretty sure every part of my thought was offensive. I must have the autiz.


No, no, you saw what I did there.  I just wanted to transfer the bad part to the assholes rather than the disabled.
 
2013-03-16 04:53:44 PM

PunGent: I was sympathetic until page 2, when she admitted taking an uncontrollably loud autistic into a movie theater.

That's different than a restaurant, you entitled cow.


I bet he'd be a real hit at the Alamo Drafthouse.
 
2013-03-16 04:54:25 PM

thatboyoverthere: lucksi: BTW, can you test for autism before the kid is born?

Nope. It's a developmental disorder. While there is genetic inheritance and it does run in family there is no Autistic Gene.
/A recent therory states that the problem is that the kid is too hypersensitive and is unable to block out sensory data at a young age and this causes their problems as they are dealing with sensory overload when they should be developing normally.


The general consensus is that autism is innate - autistics are born that way though no one knows what causes their brain to develop abnormally or when it starts. Given that there is presently hardly any way to tell which newborns will go on to display autistic symptoms, prenatal tests are completely unavailable.

Maybe with a better understanding of autism (there is some evidence it involves having too many neurons) then techniques involving brain scanning might develop. Of course it would be best to test if whatever causes autism might be present but that is unknown now.
 
2013-03-16 04:55:01 PM

MeanJean: kxs401

This "everything is for everyone" attitude is ruining humanity.

Yes, lets lock the disabled up in institutions where they get treated like shiat or hide them in the attic instead of accommodating them to spare YOUR delicate feefees.

Sorry that my disabled friend is delaying your journey because it takes a little time for her wheelchair to be strapped into the college transport van. I'll have her personally apologize to you for not being able to farking walk.

The nerve of the disabled, wanting to participate in society. How dare they want to contribute and live their lives?


Why should society keep wasting resources on them?
 
2013-03-16 04:56:33 PM

HairBolus: there is presently hardly any way to tell which newborns will go on to display autistic symptoms


i.qkme.me
 
2013-03-16 04:59:29 PM

Killer Cars: PunGent: I was sympathetic until page 2, when she admitted taking an uncontrollably loud autistic into a movie theater.

That's different than a restaurant, you entitled cow.

I bet he'd be a real hit at the Alamo Drafthouse.


It's the Magnited States of America!
 
2013-03-16 05:00:22 PM

This About That: Anybody remember back in the day, when the kid got loud, one of his parents would pick him up and carry him outside until he settled down? How is it that some kid's parents' rights instilled the obligation upon the rest of us to put up with his crap? What happened to our rights?


This made me smile with fond memories of taking my younger daughter outside many restaurants to "chill" when she was a child. It actually provided some really cool bonding time. She's a responsible grown adult now and I'm very proud to call her my daughter.
 
2013-03-16 05:01:57 PM

BokChoy: This autism spectrum gets wider and wider every day.


The wider the spectrum, the more money to be made by the medical and pharmaceutical industry.
 
2013-03-16 05:02:47 PM
But there is a difference in the two. Someone who needs a cane or a wheelchair and can take care of themselves is flat out different than an adult who needs a caretaker. They aren't worth more as people, but it is different. And when you start saying everyone with some sort of disability is the same, you're implicitly telling some people (who work hard to stay independent) that they need to be taken care of, which is a reasonable reason to be insulted.

Disability to an entitled mind is basically "you do not function optimally enough for my complete enjoyment of my surroundings". Is there a delay because it took time to load your wheelchair? Was your autistic kid speaking above a whisper? Were delicate aesthetics offended by your amputated hands? Did your "blind person cane" make an annoying clicky sound as they meditated in the subway?

When everything that inconveniences them is a disability, the type of disability is meaningless.
 
2013-03-16 05:03:26 PM
s23.postimage.org

Ding dong Ding dong ding dong ding dong ding dong ding dong ding dong....

/Ding dong...
 
2013-03-16 05:04:31 PM
AndyChrist420

I'm glad that people are reasonable where you are, but where I am, people biatch and complain about the accommodations she needs. Her parents, for starters, who actually mock her disability. Her stupid coont of a college  roommate who wouldn't even move the vacuum where she could reach it and use it and gave her shiat for having her side of the room being messy despite the fact that its difficult for her to clean it. As well as the college maintenance crews who shovel the snow sidewalks and the stairs outside her dorm but NOT THE DAMN WHEELCHAIR RAMP  because apparently they just can't be bothered despite her e-mailing them about it. And no, she isn't pushy in asking for accommodations, she's extremely polite.

So yes, maybe I overreacted a bit, but kxs401's snide remark about how "everything is for everyone" is ruining humanity kind of hit a nerve.
 
2013-03-16 05:05:14 PM

PunGent: I was sympathetic until page 2, when she admitted taking an uncontrollably loud autistic into a movie theater.

That's different than a restaurant, you entitled cow.


Our local theatre has started introducing special showings for the "differently abled."  They keep the house lights up a little more and the sound down a little bit, while also allowing kids to move around and make noise.  They've apparently gotten good feedback.

http://www.kansas.com/2012/11/14/2556527/warren-to-screen-movie-for- ki ds.html
 
2013-03-16 05:05:31 PM
These threads always bring out the best in us.

www.reactiongifs.com
 
2013-03-16 05:06:00 PM
rugman11: That's what I was thinking.  I've seen my in-laws struggle with their four when it's both of them together.  I can't imagine handling 8 kids with 2 adults, especially when one of them is prone to loud outbursts.  That's just dumb.

The point where she talks about getting to relax and not constantly remind the 7 others to use their "indoor voices" at a restaurant and let the whole 8 pack act like the other one really makes me think they would just be a blast to be seated by.

Take that pack of hellspawn to Chuck E Cheese lady, they'll fit right in
 
2013-03-16 05:07:24 PM

miniflea: He wasn't exceedingly loud, but the oddness of his behavior had clearly caught the attention of an older gentleman at the one other table occupied at that early hour.

"Shhhhhhh," he hissed from across the room.

Everyone at the table instantly froze-except, of course, for Jonah. "I'm sorry," I explained, rising from my seat and taking a few steps toward him so I wouldn't have to holler. "My son is autistic ... "

"Oh, sorry," he said.

"He's not trying to disturb you intentionally ... "

"I heard you the first time," he snapped.

My face burned as I returned to my seat, his gratuitous nastiness instantly draining the joy from my evening.


Is it just me, or is that actually a pretty reasonable response from the old guy?


He might have been shushing her.

Based on the first few sentences in the article it appears she talks way too much.
 
2013-03-16 05:09:49 PM

WTFdoesitmatter: What makes it worse is that he refuses to exercise control over the volume of his voice


Most of the rest of what you've described is simply social skills that he should have been taught and learned, but this one is a lot more difficult: It can be very hard for an autistic person to tell how loud his voice is.  Extensive practice can go a long way, but it's generally not fair to classify speaking too loudly (or too softly) as intentional.
 
2013-03-16 05:10:19 PM

thenumber5: Cup_O_Jo: #1. Autism from what I have learned in the last years is not a DISABILITY. I am disabled. I have MS.
Please don't compare me to the Mentally "disabled". I would appreciate it. Lumping mental retardation in with physical handicapped people is demeaning.
#2. I don't get a free pass to do whatever I want. If I forget my cane and fall onto someone's wedding cake---"oh sorry" is not going to work. Instead I go places prepared to handle my condition whatever it is that day.
#3. All people mentioned had a caretaker. Maybe the Mom should have been sitting closer to her son-paying more attention to him. Maybe the sister should have her brother on a leash. And maybe the writer should understand I don't want your teenage sons grubby hands all in my freaking salad bar.
This article to me is one of those "it takes a village to raise a child and my child (ect) is autisitic so you should learn how to deal with it. WHEN in fact people should be learning how to handle it themselves, Society is nerfed enough. Yes, we understand your child has special needs however, you need to understand YOU are going to have to do extra work to have them in society.


I really get annoyed at people with a "Visible Disability" think they are more deserving of help and basic compassion then someone with a non-visible disability

if i say i cant do something because this is a my leg/knee is hurting a lot that day, i get "O you have a bad limp sorry"

if i say i cant doing something because my anxiety is currently at 11 and it is taken every fiber of my being to not shut down, i get told "Suck it up"


Actually MS is invisible. If I don't have my cane. I don't look disabled. So what is your point? I think it is funny that people  took my comment to mean that physically disabled are better than mentally disabled.. BTW you are not mentally disabled you are mentally ill. AGAIN a third different thing. I am not saying one disability is better than another. What I am saying is do not lump them all in together. See today I gave you a leg up. I gave you an illness instead of a disability. TADAH.

BTW I am also responding to Mr. Angry=ReverendJynx get the fark over yourself man. You are reading way to much in to shiat.
 
2013-03-16 05:10:51 PM

miniflea: He wasn't exceedingly loud, but the oddness of his behavior had clearly caught the attention of an older gentleman at the one other table occupied at that early hour.

"Shhhhhhh," he hissed from across the room.

Everyone at the table instantly froze-except, of course, for Jonah. "I'm sorry," I explained, rising from my seat and taking a few steps toward him so I wouldn't have to holler. "My son is autistic ... "

"Oh, sorry," he said.

"He's not trying to disturb you intentionally ... "

"I heard you the first time," he snapped.

My face burned as I returned to my seat, his gratuitous nastiness instantly draining the joy from my evening.


Is it just me, or is that actually a pretty reasonable response from the old guy?


No, it's not just you. I'm sure there are plenty of others who feel the same way.

I do not. I think it was extremely rude.
 
2013-03-16 05:11:31 PM
While you may get some accommodations and leeway for having such disorders, yeah, you don't get a free pass.  The article actually highlighted to me that the parents of the child/teen with autism need to do a little work because they no longer recognize what is acceptable behavior in social settings.  Instead, they should have already had a plan on what to do if their child gets a little loud, just because THEY are used to it doesn't mean its socially acceptable.
 
2013-03-16 05:13:14 PM

BumpInTheNight: Earlier this year, I was out to dinner with a friend and our combined eight kids.

Two adults vs 8 eights and some of them with special needs.  Unless its chucky cheese, you are assholes.  No, no arguments, you are assholes.


This.  And that.

"Special needs".  "Mainstreaming".  "Here's how you deal with it".

No, here's how YOU deal with it.  Your kid is retarded.  They should be riding the short bus.  You know, to the school with all the other retarded kids so the normal kids can at least attempt to learn something without your kid being a drag on their education.  Face it: you don't get to live a "normal" life, regardless of how much you shake your fist at the sky shouting "I deserve it!"  You, like your kid, must live a life defined by their needs, and it is unreasonable to force society to live by the same definition.  Being "edgy" or "avant garde" by thinking your kid deserves to experience public places (public be damned) makes you an asshole, not a champion.  If your kid can't/won't behave in public, you shouldn't take them out in public.  When they disrupt others, expect the looks/comments, because there's always some other asshole who'll make them.

If your first kid was retarded, why the fark did you keep popping them out?

Living in denial of your genetic disaster and expecting society to sympathize and accomodate your plight is yet another symptom of today's "me" generation.  Back in the day, little Johnny would stay home.  Society doesn't owe you anything, and CERTAINLY didn't do this to you.  Fark off.
 
2013-03-16 05:14:00 PM
Short version:  Butthurt parents are boring.
 
2013-03-16 05:14:23 PM

Dragonflew: Cup_O_Jo: No mentally disabled is way different than physically disabled. But hey you want to lump us all in together you go ahead. I hope you live life with all your limbs and brain working.

So you would be just fine with a mentally retarded person being insulted by being called "disabled" because it included people like you?


I saw a documentary a while ago of paraplegics sports and one of the guys was saying he hated when people called it the Special Olympics because, according to him, "he's not a farking retard" he just couldn't use his legs.
 
2013-03-16 05:14:54 PM

miniflea: He wasn't exceedingly loud, but the oddness of his behavior had clearly caught the attention of an older gentleman at the one other table occupied at that early hour.

"Shhhhhhh," he hissed from across the room.

Everyone at the table instantly froze-except, of course, for Jonah. "I'm sorry," I explained, rising from my seat and taking a few steps toward him so I wouldn't have to holler. "My son is autistic ... "

"Oh, sorry," he said.

"He's not trying to disturb you intentionally ... "

"I heard you the first time," he snapped.

My face burned as I returned to my seat, his gratuitous nastiness instantly draining the joy from my evening.


Is it just me, or is that actually a pretty reasonable response from the old guy?


Not just you.  The "oh, sorry" was supposed to be the end of it.  Beyond that he doesn't care about details.
 
2013-03-16 05:15:09 PM

WTFdoesitmatter: BokChoy: This autism spectrum gets wider and wider every day.

The wider the spectrum, the more money to be made by the medical and pharmaceutical industry.


Oh, save this canard for the ADHD threads.  There's legitimate debate about what "counts" as autistic, but there are no (non-quack) drug or surgical treatments, so this one at least isn't a conspiracy by Big Pharma.
 
2013-03-16 05:15:26 PM

Cup_O_Jo: thenumber5: Cup_O_Jo: #1. Autism from what I have learned in the last years is not a DISABILITY. I am disabled. I have MS.
Please don't compare me to the Mentally "disabled". I would appreciate it. Lumping mental retardation in with physical handicapped people is demeaning.
#2. I don't get a free pass to do whatever I want. If I forget my cane and fall onto someone's wedding cake---"oh sorry" is not going to work. Instead I go places prepared to handle my condition whatever it is that day.
#3. All people mentioned had a caretaker. Maybe the Mom should have been sitting closer to her son-paying more attention to him. Maybe the sister should have her brother on a leash. And maybe the writer should understand I don't want your teenage sons grubby hands all in my freaking salad bar.
This article to me is one of those "it takes a village to raise a child and my child (ect) is autisitic so you should learn how to deal with it. WHEN in fact people should be learning how to handle it themselves, Society is nerfed enough. Yes, we understand your child has special needs however, you need to understand YOU are going to have to do extra work to have them in society.


I really get annoyed at people with a "Visible Disability" think they are more deserving of help and basic compassion then someone with a non-visible disability

if i say i cant do something because this is a my leg/knee is hurting a lot that day, i get "O you have a bad limp sorry"

if i say i cant doing something because my anxiety is currently at 11 and it is taken every fiber of my being to not shut down, i get told "Suck it up"

Actually MS is invisible. If I don't have my cane. I don't look disabled. So what is your point? I think it is funny that people  took my comment to mean that physically disabled are better than mentally disabled.. BTW you are not mentally disabled you are mentally ill. AGAIN a third different thing. I am not saying one disability is better than another. What I am saying is do not lum ...


you can cure an illness, you can only treat an disability
 
2013-03-16 05:15:27 PM

rugman11: PunGent: I was sympathetic until page 2, when she admitted taking an uncontrollably loud autistic into a movie theater.

That's different than a restaurant, you entitled cow.

Our local theatre has started introducing special showings for the "differently abled."  They keep the house lights up a little more and the sound down a little bit, while also allowing kids to move around and make noise.  They've apparently gotten good feedback.

http://www.kansas.com/2012/11/14/2556527/warren-to-screen-movie-for- ki ds.html


Yeah, one near us had  Mommy Matinees when mine were little. Same idea. Mostly it was great, once they got an actual mom to pick which movies were appropriate for such a showing. Monster? Really?
 
2013-03-16 05:17:52 PM
When the kid takes to fiddlin'
He just takes his Ritalin
 
2013-03-16 05:18:40 PM
Unfortunately, this family sounds like my neighbors who think their kids are just fine with their 'cute' ways.  Cute, like obsession with fire, small animal irritation, loud, repetitive vocalizations, etc.  Ten years from now, the mom in the article will be asking herself and neighbors, "Why is everyone telling the police these terrible things about Johnny?  He's a nice boy that just got carried away with that hatchet.  Why didn't they ever come to me, instead of calling the cops?"
 
2013-03-16 05:19:10 PM

ReverendJynxed: And you miss the point.

I'm not saying the disabilities aren't different. I'm merely calling the assholes on their belief they are somehow superior to these other individuals. Yes the problems are handled differently.

It is insulting to all when someone tries to claim superiority of another based on their level of disability. I never claimed they all needed to be taken care of the same way either, just treated the same with the same level of dignity and respect any one of these super-abled asshats demand. See the difference?


Yep, apparently I did miss your point. And it's a good one, now that I understand you.
 
2013-03-16 05:20:26 PM

Matthew Keene: Here's a question to ponder. You're out in public, and some autistic crotchfruit smacks you hard from behind, and the mother tells you to deal with it because her child is just 'acting out.' What would you do about it?


Maybe you should be allowed to smack the caretaker instead.
 
2013-03-16 05:22:31 PM

WTFdoesitmatter: Popcorn Johnny: You don't get a free pass to disturb others in public places just because you have a disability.

THIS.

If they can't handle being out in most public places, don't subject others to their actions.

Sorry, but "He's autistic, deal with it" will not fly with me.


from the article, the mother makes conscious decision to NOT go to MOST public spaces. she usually goes to SPECIFIC public spaces where rowdy behavior is ok. She doesn't go to opening night of a new Batman movie, she goes to some crappy kids movie at 10am.

your personal situation is your own deal; can't you agree that THIS mother is fair and reasonable?
 
2013-03-16 05:23:15 PM

Popcorn Johnny: You don't get a free pass to disturb others in public places just because you have a disability.


This About That: Anybody remember back in the day, when the kid got loud, one of his parents would pick him up and carry him outside until he settled down? How is it that some kid's parents' rights instilled the obligation upon the rest of us to put up with his crap? What happened to our rights?


BumpInTheNight: Earlier this year, I was out to dinner with a friend and our combined eight kids.

Two adults vs 8 eights and some of them with special needs.  Unless its chucky cheese, you are assholes.  No, no arguments, you are assholes.


Radioactive Ass: jaylectricity: even though we had specifically decided to eat out at 6 on a Thursday night

Thursday is only a hair better than Friday, and 6pm is the exact time when everybody is there to eat.

Tuesday at 5 would be much better.

Yep. 6-8 pm is prime time seating in many restaurants. Go there early or go there late on Wed - Sun if you have a kid that you know can't control themselves. I shouldn't have to put up with your kids issues. You're the one who decided to have a kid and you lost the crap shoot on making a good one, them's the risks that you undertook and you have to pay the price when you lose. Not me.


All of these. It isn't up to the rest of the restaurant staff/customers to shut up and listen to your kid screaming because your lazy ass uses his autism as an excuse to not be a competent parent. If he CAN'T be silenced enough to go to a restaurant, then that sucks for you. I can't imagine having the balls to be in a business like that and ruin the experience for everyone else around me.
 
2013-03-16 05:26:09 PM
So basically they are special when it benefits them, but at all other times must be treated as normal?
 
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