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(Slate)   "I'm sorry my autistic child is acting out. Let me tell you how you need to deal with it"   (slate.com) divider line 429
    More: Interesting, acting out, sensitivity training  
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18004 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Mar 2013 at 4:03 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-16 12:40:47 PM
This was very good, subby, and you are going to be rewarded in the thread. And you avoided what would have been overkill in selecting the Hero tag, a common rookie mistake. My one suggestion would have been to redirect the apologetic element in the first half of the headline, which diminishes some of the overall punch. Instead of apologizing on behalf of the child, I would have had the woman apologizing for the person being bothered by the child, e.g., "I'm sorry that you are bothered by my autistic child acting out. Let me tell you how you need to deal with it." A minor tweak, to be sure, but it would have upped the rage at least a notch or two.
 
2013-03-16 12:44:09 PM
You don't get a free pass to disturb others in public places just because you have a disability.
 
2013-03-16 12:44:54 PM
To be fair, it's getting might difficult to distinguish between the developmentally disabled and the genuine assholes.    Numerically speaking, there are many more genuine assholes, so perhaps we could the assholes wear a special hat or something.  Or a t-shirt reading "I possess all my mental faculties, I am just a dick."
 
2013-03-16 12:54:09 PM
Ideally, our public spaces should accommodate everyone.

This "everything is for everyone" attitude is ruining humanity.
 
2013-03-16 12:54:58 PM

kxs401: Ideally, our public spaces should accommodate everyone.

This "everything is for everyone" attitude is ruining humanity.


This!
 
2013-03-16 01:03:13 PM

Pocket Ninja: This was very good, subby, and you are going to be rewarded in the thread. And you avoided what would have been overkill in selecting the Hero tag, a common rookie mistake. My one suggestion would have been to redirect the apologetic element in the first half of the headline, which diminishes some of the overall punch. Instead of apologizing on behalf of the child, I would have had the woman apologizing for the person being bothered by the child, e.g., "I'm sorry that you are bothered by my autistic child acting out. Let me tell you how you need to deal with it." A minor tweak, to be sure, but it would have upped the rage at least a notch or two.


I disagree. The genius of subby's headline is that it starts out with a parent of an autistic child behaving reasonably for once. You get this false sense of hope, only to have it taken away.
 
Pud [TotalFark]
2013-03-16 01:05:09 PM
Giving the subby a +1 just to negate the negative vote. Listen to Pocket Ninja subby, he knows what he's talking about.

I was going to post something here from Guns and Roses about patience. But it would be foolish at this point.
 
2013-03-16 01:05:14 PM

Popcorn Johnny: You don't get a free pass to disturb others in public places just because you have a disability.


I'm sorry my cancer stricken son's wheel chair is taking up most of the elevator, perhaps you should deal with it
 
Pud [TotalFark]
2013-03-16 01:16:40 PM

I_C_Weener: Popcorn Johnny: You don't get a free pass to disturb others in public places just because you have a disability.

I'm sorry my cancer stricken son's wheel chair is taking up most of the elevator, perhaps you should deal with it


With me it was my mother. She had the odasity to get polio when she was 9. Selfish biatch (yea, that was sarcasm in case you missed it). I often got in "trouble" over the way I tended to deal with the comments (or looks).
Sometimes you are NOT the center of the world, and it isn't all that big a thing to just let another pass by.

/But that's just my opinion.
 
2013-03-16 01:33:22 PM

Pud: I_C_Weener: Popcorn Johnny: You don't get a free pass to disturb others in public places just because you have a disability.

I'm sorry my cancer stricken son's wheel chair is taking up most of the elevator, perhaps you should deal with it

With me it was my mother. She had the odasity to get polio when she was 9. Selfish biatch (yea, that was sarcasm in case you missed it). I often got in "trouble" over the way I tended to deal with the comments (or looks).
Sometimes you are NOT the center of the world, and it isn't all that big a thing to just let another pass by.

/But that's just my opinion.


"Audacity."
 
2013-03-16 01:39:17 PM
Oh good, this thread again.

I still get a kick not my not autistic but still developmentally disabled 3 year old daughter behaves 1000x better than "normal" kids twice her age when we're out in public.

/she saves her meltdowns for home
 
2013-03-16 01:43:14 PM
With most things in life, I think there is a middle ground. It is important to remember that neither side is not the center of the universe, not just your side. Don't get offended if your disabled child is being noisy, being messy in eating (in action and/or sound) or the like and someone perhaps really just wanting to have a quieter dinner moves to another area of the restaurant. At the same time, one should generally be able to expect that the general public not act like total assholes toward a disabled person.

Taking someone you KNOW will not be at all quiet to a movie, even in the off times, is a bit difficult. Even if there are only 3 other people in the theater, you are still going to likely ruin the movie experience for those 3 other people. Should the disabled kid who can't be quiet be expected to go through life never seeing a movie in a theater? No. Do the people who pay to see a movie deserve to have their movie watching experience disrupted throughout the movie?  No.
 
2013-03-16 01:49:45 PM

Ennuipoet: To be fair, it's getting might difficult to distinguish between the developmentally disabled and the genuine assholes.


So true.

/have the 5 and 7 yo niece and nephew this weekend
//took them out to eat and they marveled me with their appropriate behavior
///I'll have to give the brother in law and his wife some credit when we transfer them tomorrow
////I hope they had a good break
///reaffirmed that I did not belong having kids though
//although a night of watching Adventure Time was fun
 
Pud [TotalFark]
2013-03-16 01:51:45 PM

FloydA: Pud: I_C_Weener: Popcorn Johnny: You don't get a free pass to disturb others in public places just because you have a disability.

I'm sorry my cancer stricken son's wheel chair is taking up most of the elevator, perhaps you should deal with it

With me it was my mother. She had the odasity to get polio when she was 9. Selfish biatch (yea, that was sarcasm in case you missed it). I often got in "trouble" over the way I tended to deal with the comments (or looks).
Sometimes you are NOT the center of the world, and it isn't all that big a thing to just let another pass by.

/But that's just my opinion.

"Audacity."


I stand corrected. *shrugs*
 
2013-03-16 02:30:30 PM

I_C_Weener: Popcorn Johnny: You don't get a free pass to disturb others in public places just because you have a disability.

I'm sorry my cancer stricken son's wheel chair is taking up most of the elevator, perhaps you should deal with it


There's a window washer lift outside. He can literally pull himself up.

/Bootstraps and all that
 
2013-03-16 02:56:32 PM
Anybody remember back in the day, when the kid got loud, one of his parents would pick him up and carry him outside until he settled down? How is it that some kid's parents' rights instilled the obligation upon the rest of us to put up with his crap? What happened to our rights?
 
2013-03-16 02:57:00 PM
The problem is that every asshole behavior is being turned into some medical condition.  So then you have to "understand" the person while being treated like shiat.

I have a simple strategy for obnoxious children in restaurants.  I go up to the parents with a smile and tell them that the conditions of my parole say that I shouldn't be this close to children.
 
2013-03-16 03:02:42 PM
even though we had specifically decided to eat out at 6 on a Thursday night

Thursday is only a hair better than Friday, and 6pm is the exact time when everybody is there to eat.

Tuesday at 5 would be much better.
 
2013-03-16 03:08:25 PM

This About That: Anybody remember back in the day, when the kid got loud, one of his parents would pick him up and carry him outside until he settled down? How is it that some kid's parents' rights instilled the obligation upon the rest of us to put up with his crap? What happened to our rights?


My parents had to take me for a walk outside a f*cking Papa Ginos (NE pizza chain) because I would not stop crying when I realized we were here for pizza and the pizza wasn't here yet.

It was an awkward 25th birthday party.
 
2013-03-16 03:30:21 PM

This About That: Anybody remember back in the day, when the kid got loud, one of his parents would pick him up and carry him outside until he settled down? How is it that some kid's parents' rights instilled the obligation upon the rest of us to put up with his crap? What happened to our rights?


I got one warning, then I got hauled to the bathroom and got a firm spanking. One memorable time, the restaurant applauded as I and a friend were hauled away to our fates (it struck home...i never misbehaved in public again). 

I'm pretty sure any parents who did that today would have CPS called on them. I'm not advocating one way or the other, just noting that times, and perspectives, change.
 
2013-03-16 03:34:02 PM

Popcorn Johnny: You don't get a free pass to disturb others in public places just because you have a disability.


Why don't you go be special somewhere else.
 
2013-03-16 03:37:46 PM

I_C_Weener: I'm sorry my cancer stricken son's wheel chair is taking up most of the elevator, perhaps you should deal with it


i46.tinypic.com
 
2013-03-16 03:38:04 PM

whistleridge: This About That: Anybody remember back in the day, when the kid got loud, one of his parents would pick him up and carry him outside until he settled down? How is it that some kid's parents' rights instilled the obligation upon the rest of us to put up with his crap? What happened to our rights?

I got one warning, then I got hauled to the bathroom and got a firm spanking. One memorable time, the restaurant applauded as I and a friend were hauled away to our fates (it struck home...i never misbehaved in public again). 

I'm pretty sure any parents who did that today would have CPS called on them. I'm not advocating one way or the other, just noting that times, and perspectives, change.


Yeah, I think expectations on kids to learn to behave in a civilized manner was much higher back then.
 
2013-03-16 04:06:38 PM
Earlier this year, I was out to dinner with a friend and our combined eight kids.

Two adults vs 8 eights and some of them with special needs.  Unless its chucky cheese, you are assholes.  No, no arguments, you are assholes.
 
2013-03-16 04:08:15 PM
Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces while handicapped people make handicapped faces...
 
2013-03-16 04:08:50 PM

L.D. Ablo: The problem is that every asshole behavior is being turned into some medical condition.  So then you have to "understand" the person while being treated like shiat.

I have a simple strategy for obnoxious children in restaurants.  I go up to the parents with a smile and tell them that the conditions of my parole say that I shouldn't be this close to children.


Translated. "I have no idea how psychology works and get outraged when people try to correct me. Also I'm just as big of an asshole as think others are."
 
2013-03-16 04:09:50 PM

The_Sponge: kxs401: Ideally, our public spaces should accommodate everyone.

This "everything is for everyone" attitude is ruining humanity.

This!


Seconded.
 
2013-03-16 04:10:15 PM
We have a place for these kinds of people: the engineering department.
 
2013-03-16 04:10:27 PM
kxs401

This "everything is for everyone" attitude is ruining humanity.

Yes, lets lock the disabled up in institutions where they get treated like shiat or hide them in the attic instead of accommodating them to spare YOUR delicate feefees.

Sorry that my disabled friend is delaying your journey because it takes a little time for her wheelchair to be strapped into the college transport van. I'll have her personally apologize to you for not being able to farking walk.

The nerve of the disabled, wanting to participate in society. How dare they want to contribute and live their lives?
 
2013-03-16 04:10:51 PM

This About That: Anybody remember back in the day, when the kid got loud, one of his parents would pick him up and carry him outside until he settled down? How is it that some kid's parents' rights instilled the obligation upon the rest of us to put up with his crap? What happened to our rights?


Actually my dad did that once with my Autistic brother when he started to act up before we realized that he was Autistic. Even after he did threaten to take us outside and we wouldn't get to eat.
 
2013-03-16 04:12:30 PM
BTW, can you test for autism before the kid is born?
 
2013-03-16 04:12:53 PM

Popcorn Johnny: You don't get a free pass to disturb others in public places just because you have a disability.


This
 
2013-03-16 04:13:20 PM
I stopped at the picture of the kid.
Why did they use a pic of a kid with Down's syndrome?

Oh that's right, because Autistic kids look "normal".

//usually
 
2013-03-16 04:13:36 PM
I, too, am retarded and therefore have the right to do whatever the fark I want in public. Better hide them titties biatches.
 
2013-03-16 04:14:33 PM

I_C_Weener: Popcorn Johnny: You don't get a free pass to disturb others in public places just because you have a disability.

I'm sorry my cancer stricken son's wheel chair is taking up most of the elevator, perhaps you should deal with it


Perhaps he should use the stairs.
 
2013-03-16 04:14:45 PM
#1. Autism from what I have learned in the last years is not a DISABILITY. I am disabled. I have MS.
Please don't compare me to the Mentally "disabled". I would appreciate it. Lumping mental retardation in with physical handicapped people is demeaning.
#2. I don't get a free pass to do whatever I want. If I forget my cane and fall onto someone's wedding cake---"oh sorry" is not going to work. Instead I go places prepared to handle my condition whatever it is that day.
#3. All people mentioned had a caretaker. Maybe the Mom should have been sitting closer to her son-paying more attention to him. Maybe the sister should have her brother on a leash. And maybe the writer should understand I don't want your teenage sons grubby hands all in my freaking salad bar.
This article to me is one of those "it takes a village to raise a child and my child (ect) is autisitic so you should learn how to deal with it. WHEN in fact people should be learning how to handle it themselves, Society is nerfed enough. Yes, we understand your child has special needs however, you need to understand YOU are going to have to do extra work to have them in society.
 
2013-03-16 04:15:09 PM

lucksi: BTW, can you test for autism before the kid is born?


Nope. It's a developmental disorder. While there is genetic inheritance and it does run in family there is no Autistic Gene.
/A recent therory states that the problem is that the kid is too hypersensitive and is unable to block out sensory data at a young age and this causes their problems as they are dealing with sensory overload when they should be developing normally.
 
2013-03-16 04:15:11 PM
We need to attend to the needs of everyone afflicted and affected by this made up disease.
 
2013-03-16 04:16:18 PM

L.D. Ablo: The problem is that every asshole behavior is being turned into some medical condition.  So then you have to "understand" the person while being treated like shiat.

I have a simple strategy for obnoxious children in restaurants.  I go up to the parents with a smile and tell them that the conditions of my parole say that I shouldn't be this close to children.


I like the cut of your jib.
 
2013-03-16 04:16:58 PM

Cup_O_Jo: Lumping mental retardation in with physical handicapped people is demeaning.


To who?
 
2013-03-16 04:17:05 PM

Popcorn Johnny: You don't get a free pass to disturb others in public places just because you have a disability.


A wild guess. You're collecting SS and Medicare, and you're infuriated about soshulizm?
 
2013-03-16 04:17:47 PM

jaylectricity: even though we had specifically decided to eat out at 6 on a Thursday night

Thursday is only a hair better than Friday, and 6pm is the exact time when everybody is there to eat.

Tuesday at 5 would be much better.


Yep. 6-8 pm is prime time seating in many restaurants. Go there early or go there late on Wed - Sun if you have a kid that you know can't control themselves. I shouldn't have to put up with your kids issues. You're the one who decided to have a kid and you lost the crap shoot on making a good one, them's the risks that you undertook and you have to pay the price when you lose. Not me.
 
2013-03-16 04:18:42 PM

I_C_Weener: Popcorn Johnny: You don't get a free pass to disturb others in public places just because you have a disability.

I'm sorry my cancer stricken son's wheel chair is taking up most of the elevator, perhaps you should deal with it


Cancer causes autism and social disorders now?
 
2013-03-16 04:18:42 PM

WorldCitizen: Taking someone you KNOW will not be at all quiet to a movie, even in the off times, is a bit difficult. Even if there are only 3 other people in the theater, you are still going to likely ruin the movie experience for those 3 other people. Should the disabled kid who can't be quiet be expected to go through life never seeing a movie in a theater? No. Do the people who pay to see a movie deserve to have their movie watching experience disrupted throughout the movie? No.


Two solutions: 1) drive-in. 2) find a free family movie festival. They're full of kids, and kind of noisy, which is expected. And it's much easier to be tolerant of off behavior when it's a free second-run movie than a movie that you paid for and only just recently found time to go see.
 
2013-03-16 04:18:48 PM

tallguywithglasseson: Cup_O_Jo: Lumping mental retardation in with physical handicapped people is demeaning.

To who?


To physically handicapped. It takes us back to the dark ages when polio patients,mentally retarded,and the like were locked away in the mental hospital which is 3rd complete different thing.
 
2013-03-16 04:19:56 PM
He wasn't exceedingly loud, but the oddness of his behavior had clearly caught the attention of an older gentleman at the one other table occupied at that early hour.

"Shhhhhhh," he hissed from across the room.

Everyone at the table instantly froze-except, of course, for Jonah. "I'm sorry," I explained, rising from my seat and taking a few steps toward him so I wouldn't have to holler. "My son is autistic ... "

"Oh, sorry," he said.

"He's not trying to disturb you intentionally ... "

"I heard you the first time," he snapped.

My face burned as I returned to my seat, his gratuitous nastiness instantly draining the joy from my evening.



Is it just me, or is that actually a pretty reasonable response from the old guy?
 
2013-03-16 04:20:14 PM
These here so-called autistics, they collect nice fat government checks and then sit on their behinds, and what does the working man get? More taxes. Let's take back our country!

/yes that's sarcasm
 
2013-03-16 04:20:17 PM

MeanJean: kxs401

This "everything is for everyone" attitude is ruining humanity.

Yes, lets lock the disabled up in institutions where they get treated like shiat or hide them in the attic instead of accommodating them to spare YOUR delicate feefees.

Sorry that my disabled friend is delaying your journey because it takes a little time for her wheelchair to be strapped into the college transport van. I'll have her personally apologize to you for not being able to farking walk.

The nerve of the disabled, wanting to participate in society. How dare they want to contribute and live their lives?


Are you familiar with the concept of a straw man fallacy?
 
2013-03-16 04:20:24 PM

great_tigers: We need to attend to the needs of everyone afflicted and affected by this made up disease.


8/10, no, 9/10.  The last three words should be the equivalent of throwing fresh chum in the water.
 
2013-03-16 04:21:35 PM

The_Sponge: kxs401: Ideally, our public spaces should accommodate everyone.

This "everything is for everyone" attitude is ruining humanity.

This!


As a child--and mind you, I had undiagnosed Asperger's Syndrome, so I didn't even  know what was wrong with me socially--I was expected to behave in public. My mother taught me that, and taught me how to behave when I didn't understand some unspoken rule.

If I had been sitting and quietly talking to myself as a child, and someone had gone 'SHHHH!' across a resturaunt, my mother would personally have told the shusher exactly where to shove it,  because the point of public spaces is that they're public, and because  you don't get special treatment because you're 'normal'.

/tl;dr: If you're such a farking snowflake you can't handle the disabled being slightly weird in public, stay at home.
 
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