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(Yahoo)   Teen son on phone with boyfriend: "I'm going to tell my dad I'm gay." Dad writes: "I've known you were gay since you were six. Now go buy some orange juice"   (shine.yahoo.com) divider line 416
    More: Sappy, boyfriends, PFLAG  
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23526 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Mar 2013 at 5:30 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-15 07:50:20 PM
I've had to come out to say that I am not, in fact, gay.  When you are 30 and have never had a girlfriend, people begin to start talking...
 
2013-03-15 07:52:15 PM
DeerNuts: ....They even send my batter half birthday cards.


Shows how out of touch I am.  I always thought it was just Pitchers and Catchers.


/I too hope this is not a hoax butt it just seems too....
 
2013-03-15 07:52:29 PM

oukewldave: I've had to come out to say that I am not, in fact, gay.  When you are 30 and have never had a girlfriend, people begin to start talking...


I was single until I was 37. Nobody questioned anything. I guess I was just unattractive.
 
2013-03-15 07:55:06 PM
Every one of the comments on there that is against the letter for supporting homosexuality trumpets their "values."  They literally act like hate, inter-family discord and judging others are the most important principles to live by.  I really get annoyed at other people who aren't religious that bash religion on the internet, but it is getting harder and harder to refrain from doing it myself.
 
2013-03-15 07:55:32 PM
If six year olds don't know if they're gay or not, how come so many of them hook up with male priests???

Answer me that, smart guys!
 
2013-03-15 07:56:23 PM
That sucks man.  My parents have the intolerance virus as well, so I get that.  They were also the Chik-Fil-A day attendees posting on Facebook as well.  My proudest moment during all that was when my daughter updated her FB page during that mess to say "I'm so happy that I was raised by parents that treat ALL people equally and taught me to do the same".

I am glad you and your child found a better way. I honestly do not understand the shift in her mindset. From a very early age, we were raised that equality is key, even though we were raised in a devout Christian family. When the pastor of the church we used to attend (and my grandmother still attends) was outed by Lavender magazine because he was a fire-and-brimstone anti-gay YouTube freakshow who blamed tolerant Lutheran pastors for tornado damage in downtown Minneapolis, my mother broke the news to me and was very disturbed that she raised my brother and I in a church led by such a horrible person (not because he was gay, but because he was such a arse about it.) She even, shock of shocks, said my dad was probably right about the pastor all along (my dad actually disrupted services when the pastor spoke out of line with the Bible and was thrown out multiple times.) Then, she got involved in this weirdo prosperity gospel based mega-church and totally changed. Thankfully, I got out with a better sense of compassion. My brother is a little homophobic, after spending time in the military under DADT.

Sadly, my mom has a gay uncle who we love and respect. Her new beliefs are very upsetting to me, because she just seems to have done a 180. My husband questions her mental fitness. I think she's been so distressed by her unemployment, plus the lure of the fellowship from the megachurch, she's lost her way. I hope, before my hypothetical and unborn children come along, she finds her senses again. Her homophobia and intolerance would be a deal breaker for me, just like my dad's brother's racial intolerance and bigotry was when she was raising us.
 
2013-03-15 07:56:35 PM

aspAddict: Ed Grubermann: So you're the ... nah, too easy.

Dammit, and I even refreshed before I made the pitcher/catcher joke.

/Oh well..


Yeah....I should have read on too.  Sorry for repeating the same joke.
 
2013-03-15 07:58:45 PM

Godscrack: This a touching story. But in the real world, not all gay people care if they have acceptance from parents.

Or anyone.


This, sort of.

Big farking deal.  Millions of kids want and get the attention they need from their parents, straight, gay, or otherwise.

We shouldn't celebrate the mediocrity of someone reacting rationally.

As to the "this" part.  We all mostly know what our parents will and will not except or handle well for the most part.  Being overly concerned with what your parents think to the point it causes stress is possibly indicative of problems.  If they have a thing against gay's or whatever, lower your expectations of them and adjust accordingly.  Break or limit your bond with them, it's not the end of the world.  Part of the point of growing up is getting by without them and not sharing every little thing with them.

For this kid it should be a reality check on how he reads and identifies with other people, and how wrong he was, or at the very least, how insecure he was.  The note is comforting in that regard, but it is a small band-aid on the large wound, the relief felt from such a situation masks the kid's real problems.

I never understood the need to be "out".  Carry out your life as you will, and avoid the assholes who shouldn't rightly care but still seem to anyhow. Simple really.  No need for attention seeking or creating drama that need not be there.
 
2013-03-15 07:59:48 PM

dragonchild: SIX???  What's there to know about a six-year-old's sexual orientation?  When I was six I was. . . well. . . six!  I was years away from my cooties phase, let alone being attracted to anyone.


When I was a kid back in 60's-70's there was a kid down the block who played with his sisters Barbies etc. Yep he was gay when he grew up. So I reckon it can be obvious even at a young age in some cases. Probably really pissed his Dad off, that guy was a crewcut ex-military pilot who flew for I think United Airlines. Every kid on the block was glad he wasn't our Dad, he was not that nice to his future gay kid. Glad the guy in this letter is cool with his son no matter what.
 
2013-03-15 08:03:21 PM

This space intentionally left blank.: Jon iz teh kewl: This space intentionally left blank.: Little shiat probably brought back the OJ with extra pulp. I hate that stuff.

/ another guy who would like to shake that dad's hand and buy him a drink

EXTRA PULP IS GREAT.  TRY SOME

Bleh. Gets caught in my teeth.

Y'know, if we do this right we could turn this thread into a pulp/no pulp flame war. It could almost be as big as the creamy/crunchy peanut butter wars of 2007.


Crunchy.
 
2013-03-15 08:04:35 PM

ravenlore: This space intentionally left blank.: Jon iz teh kewl: This space intentionally left blank.: Little shiat probably brought back the OJ with extra pulp. I hate that stuff.

/ another guy who would like to shake that dad's hand and buy him a drink

EXTRA PULP IS GREAT.  TRY SOME

Bleh. Gets caught in my teeth.

Y'know, if we do this right we could turn this thread into a pulp/no pulp flame war. It could almost be as big as the creamy/crunchy peanut butter wars of 2007.

Crunchy.


I don't like peanut butter in ANY form. This opinion has caused me to be branded as a heretic.
 
2013-03-15 08:08:07 PM
A similar thing happened with a close friend in high school. Luckily, his parents were as understanding as the dad who wrote thus note. Being a teenager is hard enough and I can't even to begin to imagine the pain of being rejected by your own family for just being you.
 
2013-03-15 08:08:41 PM
I suspect most parents of gay kids are likewise aware; yet deny the obvious.  Just imagine the damage being done from that point of recognition forward due to denial.
 
2013-03-15 08:10:35 PM

I should be in the kitchen: A similar thing happened with a close friend in high school. Luckily, his parents were as understanding as the dad who wrote thus note. Being a teenager is hard enough and I can't even to begin to imagine the pain of being rejected by your own family for just being you.


My half-brother (from my father's first marriage) was disowned and shunned by my father for a good 20 years. His crime? Marrying a Puerto Rican woman.
 
2013-03-15 08:10:42 PM
What nonsense.

Did the kid demand to wear princess tutus at 6 and that's how the dad knew?

Just more attempt by people who use their personal life to force their political agenda on the rest of us.
 
2013-03-15 08:11:10 PM
24.media.tumblr.com

He loves his (not) dead gay son.
 
2013-03-15 08:14:35 PM
EXTRA PULP AND CRUNCHY PEANUT BUTTER.

Also, good for that dad. If my daughter ends up liking girls when she's older, I plan to react exactly like this guy did to his son.
 
2013-03-15 08:14:45 PM
I would have been horrified straight had I found a note like that from either of my parents when I was a teen.
 
2013-03-15 08:15:36 PM

SnakeLee: Every one of the comments on there that is against the letter for supporting homosexuality trumpets their "values."  They literally act like hate, inter-family discord and judging others are the most important principles to live by.  I really get annoyed at other people who aren't religious that bash religion on the internet, but it is getting harder and harder to refrain from doing it myself.


Why does homosexuality need to be "supported".  Why can't people be allowed to just not give a fark?

IMO, the more beneficial response would have been.  "We always knew son.  Why were you so afraid to come out sooner? What have we done that would make you think we'd care at all or love you less?"

Answer being "no reason, you did nothing" lets the kid know he's drama queening for absolutely no reason, without beating him over the head with it.

Sexuality isn't that important, well... when your parent's are top on the worry about them knowing list but have not shown evidence that they'd care at all.  That kind of issue is typically reserved for actual children.  By the time you've got your sexuality ironed out, you should know your parents well enough to not lose confidence in them(or have an overconfidence).

Sure, support people that have suffered at the hands of others.  People can come to need validation after being victimized.  But this whole act of all gays needing support is sort of the opposite end of bigotry that's come around full circle and becomes bigotry again.  Same as feminists that think advertising beauty products victimizes innocent women because women are weak and buy into such things hook line and sinker, that they need the protection...
 
2013-03-15 08:17:55 PM
Yeah two of my cousins are gay...we always knew or at least figured. I think my family was more surprised when my mom came out as religious.
 
2013-03-15 08:18:22 PM

thisiszombocom: all my parents do is tell me how disappointed they are in me

:'(

/ really


This isn't about you.  Can't you do anything right?
 
2013-03-15 08:19:46 PM

dragonchild: SIX???  What's there to know about a six-year-old's sexual orientation?  When I was six I was. . . well. . . six!  I was years away from my cooties phase, let alone being attracted to anyone.


Well this reminds me of Latin American culture - mucho macho naturally - where you will see adults appraise a six-year old and remark "Ese nino es joto" ("That kid's a queer").

It is usually said, from what I've observed, with a mixture of disapproval and pity - most of all for the parents - but also with finality. Which I found interesting: it's there and no amount of football or beatings or hormone therapy or electroshock or Jeebus-screeching is going to change it.
 
2013-03-15 08:20:20 PM

oukewldave: I've had to come out to say that I am not, in fact, gay.  When you are 30 and have never had a girlfriend, people begin to start talking...


I have tons of female friends, I'm sensitive and emotional, I'm an artist, and I'm single.  People tend to assume.   So yeah, I know how you feel.
 
2013-03-15 08:22:49 PM

dragonchild: SIX???  What's there to know about a six-year-old's sexual orientation?  When I was six I was. . . well. . . six!  I was years away from my cooties phase, let alone being attracted to anyone.


I knew from six (or earlier) that I liked the opposite sex. I had no idea what to do about it, but it for damn sure gave me a different feeling to be around them. It wouldn't surprise me if that was apparent in my behavior. I'm sure that isn't true for everyone, but to me it's your incredulity that is surprising.

/I was pretty stereotypical in my toy/media preferences too
 
2013-03-15 08:23:03 PM

Dragonflew: oukewldave: I've had to come out to say that I am not, in fact, gay.  When you are 30 and have never had a girlfriend, people begin to start talking...

I have tons of female friends, I'm sensitive and emotional, I'm an artist, and I'm single.  People tend to assume.   So yeah, I know how you feel.


I swear my dad thought i was gay for years. I just couldn't tell him that I never brought girls home to meet him because he was an asshole.
 
2013-03-15 08:23:28 PM

poot_rootbeer: Thanks, Dad, for making up your mind about my sexuality years before I even started to entertain the issue for myself.

Also for listening in on a private conversation between me and my friend.

God, you're THE WORST


Is this an example of what is signified when they refer to an attitude as 'contrarian'?
 
2013-03-15 08:26:43 PM

WeenerGord: Does Anita Bryant know teh gays are buying orange juice?!!?


Hag's about 90.

/ I truly enjoyed watching those 'Anita Bryant Look-Alike Contest' shows.
 
2013-03-15 08:27:40 PM
I'm not sure why there is confusion about the fear of coming out. Its a different lifestyle that did not, until recently, get spoken of in open terms.

I had a conversation about religion with my father in law. He was raised Christian in a communist country. His religious education was done in secret, they were made to feel fear of their peers or neighbors or friends finding out about the fact that they were Christian. It was damaging to him and he never anything but shame and anxiety about the religion his parents tried to teach him. So he's atheist, his one sister is Agnostic and his other sister is devoutly Catholic.

Shame, anxiety, fear and secrecy is no way to live your life. It doesn't make you a happy, healthy person. If only a few people know and accept you fully and others expect you to be entirely different, it doesn't help you develop well. I think its the same for children/teenagers who have a different sexual orientation than what their family expects of them.

My husband's cousin and I have been close for nearly 10 years. Since she was just a teenager. For many of those years, she was unsure how I'd react to her sexual orientation. Randomly, I "liked" something on Facebook that indicated I was supportive toward equal rights for gay people (1,000,000 strong for marriage equality or something) and she still wasn't sure I was safe. She would rather hide her orientation, pretend to like guys in my company and keep our friendship than tell me the truth and live her life as who she is. Finally, she decided to take the risk. Well, its not a risk, because I love her no matter what. She asked me if she should tell her cousin/my husband. No brainer, I married a tolerant, open minded person who would accept her whole heartedly.

She has not come out to my brother in law. His new-found Christian faith and the fact that she wants to be involved in the lives of my nephews is worth her keeping it on the  down-low. Sad but true.
 
2013-03-15 08:27:46 PM

Acharne: Dr_Gene: Acharne: My parents are lesbians.


If you're a guy and your parents are lesbians, they're not telling you the whole story.

/Y-Chromosome in the woodpile, perhaps?
// NNTAWWT

OK here goes: Mom has always been a lesbian. Once and only once she got drunk and slept with a dude (not sure if it was in a woodpile, but she must have been piled by wood. Y she did that, I don't know). A couple weeks after that she hooked up with a new lady and they fell in love. Shortly after that mom realised she was pregnant with me. Big changes. They agree to raise me together. *BAM* 32 years pass and here we are, in this thread.  There is more to the story but this is Fark and I'm already causing many pairs of pants to stir by simply mentioning a lesbian having sex with a dude once.


So... Are your moms hot?

/sorry
 
2013-03-15 08:27:56 PM

buckler: dragonchild: SIX???  What's there to know about a six-year-old's sexual orientation?  When I was six I was. . . well. . . six!  I was years away from my cooties phase, let alone being attracted to anyone.

When I was taking care of kids, I had one not much older who enjoyed hanging out with the girls much more than with boys, enjoyed playing hairdressing games, liked to try on jewelry and girls' hats and such, and who refused to play competitive games. He liked watching "girly" cartoons and shows. Visiting counselors would say they could easily see feather boas in his future. At some point, it becomes pretty evident. Not always, mind you, but it's fairly obvious.


Best friend has told me that he knew he was 'different' since he was about 6.  Said he had the biggest crush on Sandy from the show Flipper...and Jai from Tarzan.

Ex-partner told me he was 'sexually aware' even younger...but that might be because he was molested.
 
2013-03-15 08:28:26 PM

uncleacid: Was he a little too happy to see the tooth fairy, dad?


What? You don't want a quarter??
 
2013-03-15 08:31:52 PM
So some guy is OK with his gay son, but also wants him to buy OJ?

Somewhere, Anita Bryant is feeling very conflicted and confused.
 
2013-03-15 08:35:20 PM
I am sure little foreshadows of our sexuality are there at age six, it happened to me.  I positively had a crush on a girl I sat next to in first grade.  I remember showing her where Italy was on this big word search we were given, thinking I was some big shot white knight.  She didn't seem to reciprocate, though.  And I don't think she showed me where any other countries were. :(

The thing is, this little sexual emergence tends to go away for ages 7-10 or so.
 
2013-03-15 08:35:48 PM

SueDisco: pivazena: I don't know how I'd feel in that situation. If it took a massive amount of courage to tell my parents about my sexual orientation and they were all cool-dismissive, like "yeah we totes knew about it anyway," I feel... deflated? Like this was a big huge deal to me and my parents don't care about hard even coming out was for me. Of course, that'd be way preferential to a knock-down drag-out fight and them kicking me out of the house. I think I'd at least want a hug or something. Not a "we feel sorry for you" hug, but a "we know that was hard for you to say" hug.

One of my best friends practiced his "Mom, Dad...I'm gay" speech on my parents at Thanksgiving (he couldn't go home for a visit until the weekend because of his job at the time).  He was so nervous to see their reaction.  When he actually told his parents (who were old school hippies), his Mom immediately gushed "Oh honey, I've always know.  I read it in your aura." His dad said "Cool."  He talked about his boyfriend (now husband of 10 years) and his Dad's reaction was, "Oh.  Sounds good.  And you two can share clothes.  That's pretty convenient."

He came back super relieved but also sort of miffed...he was hoping for at least a LITTLE drama.


Drama Queene??
 
2013-03-15 08:36:05 PM

WhippingBoy: If six year olds don't know if they're gay or not, how come so many of them hook up with male priests???

Answer me that, smart guys!


Winner!   +1 internets for you.
 
2013-03-15 08:40:13 PM

Joe Peanut: dragonchild: SIX???  What's there to know about a six-year-old's sexual orientation?  When I was six I was. . . well. . . six!  I was years away from my cooties phase, let alone being attracted to anyone.

Not 6, but I first met my girlfriend's nephew when he was 9.  On the drive back home, I asked her "does your brother realize his son is gay?" I mean, he was a very effeminate kid.  And loved to dance and show off his dance moves to the entire family.  My girlfriend thought I was crazy.  We met him again when he was about 14, and he came to NYC for a dance summer program at Julliard.  In my opinion, he was completely out by then.  And my girlfriend still refused to agree.  At 16 he came back to NYC to try out for Julliard, and stayed at our place since we lived near there.  First day he sat down on the couch next to us while we were watching TV, opened his laptop, and the background image was the naked torso of a big muscle dude with a huge unit.  So I turned to her and asked "Now do you believe me?"

Last I heard of him he was a successful choreographer living in Israel.  With his boyfriend.


"Huge Unit"?  Hmmm, band name?
 
2013-03-15 08:41:13 PM

Sir Cumference the Flatulent: His crime? Marrying a Puerto Rican woman.


Now see, that's a choice.
 
2013-03-15 08:41:20 PM

davidphogan: So... Are your moms hot?

/sorry


For each other, yes, quite.
 
2013-03-15 08:43:36 PM
Father of the Year candidate. Lucky kid too.

/dust hell, made me cry
 
2013-03-15 08:45:29 PM

Mid_mo_mad_man: Why would any dad think his son is gay at six? Kids are asexual at that age


Never play doctor? No??
 
2013-03-15 08:48:03 PM

Acharne: davidphogan: So... Are your moms hot?

/sorry

For each other, yes, quite.


That was an awesome answer to my smartassery. I LOL'd.
 
2013-03-15 08:48:47 PM

Anderson's Pooper: Sir Cumference the Flatulent: His crime? Marrying a Puerto Rican woman.

Now see, that's a choice.


It's a choice, but it doesn't make it at all right that his old man turned his back on him like that.
 
2013-03-15 08:48:54 PM

SpeedyBB: dragonchild: SIX???  What's there to know about a six-year-old's sexual orientation?  When I was six I was. . . well. . . six!  I was years away from my cooties phase, let alone being attracted to anyone.

Well this reminds me of Latin American culture - mucho macho naturally - where you will see adults appraise a six-year old and remark "Ese nino es joto" ("That kid's a queer").

It is usually said, from what I've observed, with a mixture of disapproval and pity - most of all for the parents - but also with finality. Which I found interesting: it's there and no amount of football or beatings or hormone therapy or electroshock or Jeebus-screeching is going to change it.


Well, there is always the burlap sack and river solution...

Nothing like humble clothes, and a fresh baptism before sending them off to live in a monastery with all those catholic monks.

A vow of silence means no telling.
 
2013-03-15 08:49:39 PM
I learned it by watching you!

i641.photobucket.com

 
2013-03-15 08:51:32 PM

obenchainr: I probably knew at 6, though I don't know that I knew what I knew.  I explicitly remember hearing "For the Longest Time" and thinking the guy was singing to a guy and that this was kind of neat (early 80s).  And, no, I didn't play with Barbies - Legos and Transformers, mostly, when I wasn't on the computer or taking apart old electronics.  My parents never claimed to have known, but both are a little self-centered anyway, so they just may not have noticed anything.

/Mid-30s now, came out at 13, never had a girlfriend.


You pretty much described my life. I preferred Lego and Transformers over Barbie, but I didn't come out until I started college.
 
2013-03-15 08:52:59 PM

davidphogan: Acharne: davidphogan: So... Are your moms hot?

/sorry

For each other, yes, quite.

That was an awesome answer to my smartassery. I LOL'd.


I've been asked that question SO often :)  I'm like 'It's my mom! Is YOUR mom hot?'

/Yer mom's hot
 
2013-03-15 08:54:19 PM

This space intentionally left blank.: It's a choice, but it doesn't make it at all right that his old man turned his back on him like that.


I never said it was.  Of course neither of us has met the woman in question so maybe there's some basis for it.

And perhaps we should both check our sarcasm meters.
 
2013-03-15 08:55:05 PM

Monkeyfark Ridiculous: dragonchild: SIX???  What's there to know about a six-year-old's sexual orientation?  When I was six I was. . . well. . . six!  I was years away from my cooties phase, let alone being attracted to anyone.

I knew from six (or earlier) that I liked the opposite sex. I had no idea what to do about it, but it for damn sure gave me a different feeling to be around them. It wouldn't surprise me if that was apparent in my behavior. I'm sure that isn't true for everyone, but to me it's your incredulity that is surprising.

/I was pretty stereotypical in my toy/media preferences too


I have four nephews. By the time they hit grade school - the talk of "girlfriends" have long started. Except for one. He's gayer than I am but his dad turns a blind eye to him. When he finally comes out - my brother will have a a heart attack.

/it will be his third
//hopefully this time it kills him
///my brothers an asshole
 
2013-03-15 09:10:45 PM
When I came out to my parents and told them I was straight they supported me 100%.
 
2013-03-15 09:12:57 PM

ImpatientlyUnsympathetic: SBinRR: ImpatientlyUnsympathetic: My mom knew about one of the childhood friends of my brother and I.

My daughter had a best friend guy from grade school through high school.  When they were about 12, my wife said "he is gay", and my daughter said "No way!" and gave a hundred reasons why he wasn't.  We both just said it wasn't a big deal, and not to worry about it.

When he came home from his first semester at college, our daughter came in with breaking news that he was gay.  We reminded her of a conversation about 6 years earlier that she "vaguely recalled".

My mom is friend's with my childhood friend's aunt on Facebook so she saw that he had a hyphenated name after getting married and good grief, you'd think that cow never had the chance to say "I told you so" before in her life. Believe me, my brother was a huge tool as a teenager, she said it almost constantly. Yes, yes, he's gay, you were right. Remember when you weren't an intolerant bigot and told your kids to never, ever treat their gay friend who was in the closet any differently because he was gay?! Remember when you raised us to be compassionate and tolerant?

/My mom flipped the script and is now a hugely intolerant biatch about gayness.
//she RSVP'd on Facebook to a Chik-Fil-A appreciation thing in August last year.
///The ensuing drama lasted for two days, 230 comments on my Facebook between my family, friends and coworkers.
//I blocked my mom and brother from posting.
/We spoke again after WA state approved R74 for marriage equality in November.


What made your mom go all WBC like that?
 
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