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(Opposing Views)   When one of the conditions of your bond is that you "stay out of all the libraries on the face of the earth," you've probably done something really bad   (opposingviews.com) divider line 79
    More: Dumbass, library  
•       •       •

12332 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Mar 2013 at 2:59 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



79 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-03-15 02:15:50 PM  
Must have lost control after reading the works of Anais Nin or just 50 Shades....
 
2013-03-15 02:53:38 PM  
That'll teach you to turn those damned books in on time
 
2013-03-15 02:53:46 PM  
The judge is just assuming that jacking off is frowned on at every library on the face of the earth. I thought judges weren't supposed to make assumptions like that. They have to follow the law.
 
2013-03-15 02:57:27 PM  
What's a library?
 
2013-03-15 03:02:51 PM  
Must have done something really bad... like go to Racine.
 
2013-03-15 03:03:23 PM  

8 inches: What's a library?


It's a big building with books, but that's not important right now.
 
2013-03-15 03:03:36 PM  
...there was some unpleasantness
I can never go back
 
2013-03-15 03:04:16 PM  
Awww, I just submitted this story.

/kicks dirt
 
2013-03-15 03:04:23 PM  
It's apparently a place you go to masturbate. So, like a sock.
 
2013-03-15 03:04:48 PM  
Our local library had thousands of dollars of books ruined by the book pisser.
 
2013-03-15 03:04:56 PM  

Espin: Must have done something really bad... like go to Racine.


Racine is something other than that place in the distance when driving between Milwaukee and Chicago? And it's a separate city from Kenosha?
 
2013-03-15 03:05:10 PM  
They were gonna throw the book at him, but he kept wacking at it...
 
2013-03-15 03:05:48 PM  

Gosling: Espin: Must have done something really bad... like go to Racine.

Racine is something other than that place in the distance when driving between Milwaukee and Chicago? And it's a separate city from Kenosha?


Well?
 
2013-03-15 03:06:15 PM  
Was that wrong?  Should I not have done that?
blu.stb.s-msn.com
 
2013-03-15 03:06:29 PM  
Gotta live Rubin and Titian.
/apparently a bit too much
//oh the Humanities(section)?
 
2013-03-15 03:07:08 PM  
Librarians give the best discipline.
 
2013-03-15 03:07:16 PM  
I love small town judges. We still ban people from coming back to the county where I live and isn't that just an awesome sentence? "You, go suck somewhere else, we've had enough of your shiat."
 
2013-03-15 03:07:42 PM  
prod-images.exhibit-e.com
 
2013-03-15 03:08:58 PM  
Subterranean libraries are apparently ok.
 
2013-03-15 03:10:09 PM  
If there's pictures of Curious George and Dora the Explorer on the walls around you it's probably not the best place to wank.
 
2013-03-15 03:10:51 PM  
I'm not sure that it's libraries that are the problem.  Went to high school with a guy who got caught masturbating in algebra class.  Twice.
 
2013-03-15 03:12:07 PM  

dopekitty74: Must have lost control after reading the works of Anais Nin or just 50 Shades....


50 shades on tape as read by Betty White
 
2013-03-15 03:12:18 PM  
Never make a rule you can enforce. The judge who set that bond sounds like he went to law school online.
 
2013-03-15 03:12:32 PM  
www.law.wisc.edu

"Sure, we're too old to change the world, but what about that kid, sitting down, opening a book, right now, in a branch at the local library and finding drawings of pee-pees and wee-wees on the Cat in the Hat and the Five Chinese Brothers? Doesn't he deserve better?"
 
2013-03-15 03:13:29 PM  
Maybe he just loved algebra.

or the algebra teacher.
 
2013-03-15 03:13:39 PM  

Felix_T_Cat: I'm not sure that it's libraries that are the problem.  Went to high school with a guy who got caught masturbating in algebra class.  Twice.


Algebra eh?  Must be those damn letters turning him on,  I and O particularly.
 
2013-03-15 03:16:14 PM  

8 inches: What's a library?


It's a place where homeless people go to bathe and poop.
 
2013-03-15 03:17:39 PM  

rumpelstiltskin: The judge is just assuming that jacking off is frowned on at every library on the face of the earth. I thought judges weren't supposed to make assumptions like that. They have to follow the law.


The judge is assuming that their powers extend outside the borders of the US.
 
2013-03-15 03:17:44 PM  
Are underground libraries still in play?
 
2013-03-15 03:19:17 PM  

honk: Maybe he just loved algebra.

or the algebra teacher.


The algebra teacher was a rather unattractive guy. o_O

The kid was also playing with a razor blade in class and cut his hand open.  He was trying to hide it with loose leaf paper.
 
2013-03-15 03:22:16 PM  
No Carl Monday references??? Fark, I am disappoint!

/YOU jackin' it?
 
2013-03-15 03:23:23 PM  
He didn't finish Farenheight 451 and mistook it for an instruction pamphlet.
 
2013-03-15 03:27:03 PM  

ImmaHoopyFrood: Farenheight


'Farenheit'

Been coding image image manipulation algos all morning and had height and width on the brain.
 
2013-03-15 03:27:08 PM  
What about Thai Masterbatoriums?
 
2013-03-15 03:29:10 PM  
'Fahrenheit'
And I still get it wrong.  I give up.
 
2013-03-15 03:32:05 PM  
I fully realize I could do this in the privacy of my own home your honor, but it just wouldn't satiate my desire to jerk off in public to ancient Sumerian engravings and pottery art.
 
2013-03-15 03:35:41 PM  
He should have reserved a meating room.
 
2013-03-15 03:39:23 PM  
Nothing worse than stuck together pages!..

unless they are your book mark.
 
2013-03-15 03:39:54 PM  

silverjets: rumpelstiltskin: The judge is just assuming that jacking off is frowned on at every library on the face of the earth. I thought judges weren't supposed to make assumptions like that. They have to follow the law.

The judge is assuming that their powers extend outside the borders of the US.


It's a term of his probation. He's not ordering libraries to do anything. He's ordering this wanker to stay out of all libraries.

And you can be prosecuted for crimes you commit outside the US, even if they are not crimes in the country where you commit them. (e.g. underaged prostitution).

Bookstores are apparently okay though - if he can find one.
 
2013-03-15 03:40:38 PM  

vernonFL: [prod-images.exhibit-e.com image 647x469]


Came for "Time Enough At Last" reference.  Thank you.
 
2013-03-15 03:42:58 PM  

caddisfly: Was that wrong?  Should I not have done that?
[blu.stb.s-msn.com image 628x316]


Rock over London. Rock on, Chicago.
 
2013-03-15 03:45:34 PM  
I was worried this was another rare edition theft story. Bannination is too good for those jackholes. They should be forced to publicly whack it somewhere in Racine. Hate those farkers.
 
2013-03-15 03:45:47 PM  

Lord Snoopy's G.P.E.H.: caddisfly: Was that wrong?  Should I not have done that?
[blu.stb.s-msn.com image 628x316]

Rock over London. Rock on, Chicago.


"Wheaties, the breakfast of Champions."
 
2013-03-15 03:46:18 PM  
Should be a problem for that particular individual, as nubians don't go to a library.

They go to this different place called a 'lieberry'. I think they have skrimps there.
 
2013-03-15 03:50:15 PM  
next time wait until you get home to read the library books on the shiatter
 
2013-03-15 04:02:03 PM  
subterranean libraries are OK, then?
 
2013-03-15 04:04:48 PM  
It's amusing how people assume he was looking at a book. He wasn't. He was jacking it to internet porn. Or some other naughty shiat he found on the library's computer. Because they have computers now. It's the 21st century.
 
2013-03-15 04:07:11 PM  
Ftfa: After engaging in extremely vulgar behavior .....

I don't know why but that phrase made me snert.
 
2013-03-15 04:07:55 PM  
Sometimes I miss working at the library. Then I remember the elderly gentleman that shiat his pants and tried to hide it by tucking them into his socks. Or the daily visits from the schizophrenic who insisted upon reciting scripture while using the computers to look at porn. Or the bum I discovered passed out half naked in the restroom next to a bottle of booze. Good times.
 
2013-03-15 04:11:14 PM  

Gosling: Espin: Must have done something really bad... like go to Racine.

Racine is something other than that place in the distance when driving between Milwaukee and Chicago? And it's a separate city from Kenosha?


Look... all I'm saying is I haven't gone to Racine, and I haven't been barred from entering every library in the world.

If you want to draw conclusions beyond that...
 
2013-03-15 04:16:42 PM  

Jabberwookiee: Sometimes I miss working at the library. Then I remember the elderly gentleman that shiat his pants and tried to hide it by tucking them into his socks. Or the daily visits from the schizophrenic who insisted upon reciting scripture while using the computers to look at porn. Or the bum I discovered passed out half naked in the restroom next to a bottle of booze. Good times.


I'm going to the library tomorrow to look for homeless folks to take to lunch.  Hope they don't pee in the van... again.

/The social workers asked, "Why do you get along with them so well?"  "'Cause we dress like them."
 
2013-03-15 04:17:09 PM  
This is also what happened to the Library at Alexandria - you hold ONE orgy in the stacks, and all of a sudden, it's "health risk" this and "biohazard" that. From there, it's only a short hop to start burning your books.
 
2013-03-15 04:18:42 PM  
Rancorous conduct in Racine.
 
2013-03-15 04:19:45 PM  
In honor of St Patty's, a limerick...
www.channel3000.com
There once was a lad named Tyree.
Who went on a pud pulling spree.
Knuckle orphans created
When he masturbated
Choked chicken and waffles for free!
 
2013-03-15 04:26:03 PM  
Tough break for Hand Job. He was all set to get shipped out on a medical
 
2013-03-15 04:27:15 PM  

GlobalStrategic MapleSyrup Reserve: If there's pictures of Curious George and Dora the Explorer on the walls around you it's probably not the best place to wank.


You have no right to judge my masturbatorium.
 
2013-03-15 04:28:23 PM  
I work at a University, stumbled across someone doing this yesterday. At first i thought the guy was having convulsions because he was shaking. Some things cannot be unseen.

Universities are interesting places to work, sometimes in a good way, but not usually.
 
2013-03-15 04:33:35 PM  
IIRC last time we had a wanking-in-the-lib thread, someone posted a classic comment along lines of "maybe he was just cleaning it, and it went off"

/thank you, whoever it was
 
2013-03-15 04:37:53 PM  
images3.static-bluray.com
 
2013-03-15 04:39:12 PM  

Jabberwookiee: Sometimes I miss working at the library. Then I remember the elderly gentleman that shiat his pants and tried to hide it by tucking them into his socks. Or the daily visits from the schizophrenic who insisted upon reciting scripture while using the computers to look at porn. Or the bum I discovered passed out half naked in the restroom next to a bottle of booze. Good times.


At the college where I used work, the library study rooms were fap rooms.  The staff routinely busted people doing it, and after several hundred incidents they finally put up a sign:

"No masturbation in the library study rooms"

/true story
 
2013-03-15 04:39:40 PM  

Rich Cream: [images3.static-bluray.com image 728x409]


btw mods, that's the librarian from the movie "Tomcats.

*ahem*
 
2013-03-15 04:44:35 PM  
I recall hearing about at least one guy rubbing one out in the stacks every year in college. People liked to fark in there too, so either that guy was watching, or he found some panties to sniff.
 
2013-03-15 04:49:10 PM  
2.bp.blogspot.com
try the cawk- it's quite good
 
2013-03-15 04:53:29 PM  

ristst: Jabberwookiee: Sometimes I miss working at the library. Then I remember the elderly gentleman that shiat his pants and tried to hide it by tucking them into his socks. Or the daily visits from the schizophrenic who insisted upon reciting scripture while using the computers to look at porn. Or the bum I discovered passed out half naked in the restroom next to a bottle of booze. Good times.

At the college where I used work, the library study rooms were fap rooms.  The staff routinely busted people doing it, and after several hundred incidents they finally put up a sign:

"No masturbation in the library study rooms"

/true story


Thankfully we didn't have private rooms like that at the archives. I spent a lot of time at the university library and the worst thing I heard about was some guy taking creeper shots.
 
2013-03-15 05:07:02 PM  
"Bailiff! Whack his peepee."
 
2013-03-15 05:38:40 PM  
"..Wisconsin man.."

*staring at library book, wondering what awaits inside*
 
2013-03-15 05:49:06 PM  
So are underground libraries free game?
 
2013-03-15 06:22:49 PM  
farm5.staticflickr.com

And that's a bogus order.  The judge doesn't have the authority to ban him from libraries in other countries.
 
2013-03-15 07:30:27 PM  

Rufus Lee King: silverjets: The judge is assuming that their powers extend outside the borders of the US.

The judge was using a figure of speech. You're not really that dense, are you?

P.S. "his", not "their"


When it comes to legal matters, a figure of speech is ambiguous and could be easily argued against by a lawyer fresh out of law school possibly resulting in all terms and conditions of his bond being null and void.

Also, "their" is grammatically correct in the situation of indeterminate gender.  The gender of the judge presiding over the court was not mentioned in the article.  You're not really that dense, are you?
 
2013-03-15 08:25:28 PM  

jtown: [farm5.staticflickr.com image 325x183]

And that's a bogus order.  The judge doesn't have the authority to ban him from libraries in other countries.


No, but if he does go to a library in another country he can face a penalty, when he returns to the US, for violating a court order.
 
2013-03-15 09:53:42 PM  

8 inches: What's a library?


it's where really really poor people go to find porn on the Internet.
 
2013-03-15 10:00:28 PM  
http://www.governmentattic.org/docs/ISS_Media_2008.pdf

Try to keep him out of that library!  Ha ha, didn't think of that, did you, Judge!

Also:  Stella Luna?  Really?
 
2013-03-15 10:06:03 PM  
Having been in court a time or two I've seen judges who make me think the exchange went something like this:

Judge - As a condition of your bond you are banned from the library
Defendant - So, like if I go to another library it's cool, right?
Judge - No, you are banned from all libraries everywhere on the Earth; do I make myself clear?
 
2013-03-15 11:58:25 PM  

katerbug72: Our local library had thousands of dollars of books ruined by the book pisser.


I had fun reporting one a few months ago. Mercifully nothing that disgusting, but some obvious Jesus freak had been going through various books on disease and crossing out any mention of god or writing in crazy notes to the tune of "really?! Is that what god would say?!" and whatnot. I brought it to their attention again when the nut started using whiteout to get rid of things they didn't like. I was sad that the librarians didn't seem to enjoy my sincere offer to burn the offender alive.
 
2013-03-16 01:10:18 AM  
One little accident and you get banned for life.  It's just not fair.  Most librarians don't have any sense of humor.

/not speaking from experience or anything
 
2013-03-16 08:28:09 PM  

offmymeds: [www.law.wisc.edu image 240x266]

"Sure, we're too old to change the world, but what about that kid, sitting down, opening a book, right now, in a branch at the local library and finding drawings of pee-pees and wee-wees on the Cat in the Hat and the Five Chinese Brothers? Doesn't he deserve better?"


I wonder if the Library Cop takes part in middle-of-the-night raids on people's houses? Complete with battering ram, bullhorn, search lights, SWAT, etc. "We will send in a sandwich if you send out the book!! Place the book gently in the Night Drop!!!''
 
2013-03-16 08:32:05 PM  
Disgusting. Glad he got the Perma-Ban.
 
2013-03-17 10:49:56 PM  

Clemkadidlefark: "Bailiff! Whack his peepee."


I plead insanity. I'm just CRAZY about that stuff...
 
2013-03-17 10:57:16 PM  

Bucky Katt: One little accident and you get banned for life. It's just not fair. Most librarians don't have any sense of humor


i1168.photobucket.com

They dunna remember me as McGregor the school builder!

But ya fark one goat......
 
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