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(Chicago Trib)   Megachurch pastor tells 16-year old that having sex with him "is exactly what Christ desires". How convenient   (chicagotribune.com) divider line 19
    More: Sick, Jesus Christ, sexual relationship, pastors  
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12662 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Mar 2013 at 4:34 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-03-15 09:21:56 AM  
4 votes:
i1321.photobucket.com

i1321.photobucket.com
2013-03-15 01:46:36 AM  
3 votes:
www.anorak.co.uk
2013-03-15 09:14:36 AM  
2 votes:
He sounds like one those Pastor first name types. "Hi. I'm Pastor Jack. You can call me Pastor Jack. That's my name. My what a lot of love there is in this family. You guys make Jeebus happy. God bless you all. Now Pastor Jack wants to talk to your daughter alone. Don't worry. I'm Pastor Jack. You can trust me." I'll make sure she gets home.

"Now, sweetie, you can trust Pastor Jack. He and Jeebus are like this. Now when you go to school, do the other kids make fun of you because you love Jeebus? Of course they do. that's just the devil in them. Pastor Jack has seen this too many times. Pastor jack had to endure it when he was your age. All those mean kids full of the devil. What do you say we pray for their souls, right now? You and Pastor Jack. Just kneel right there in front of me and start your praying. I will lay my hands on your head and Pastor Jack will channel his power through you. "

"Oh your prayers are strong. Pastor Jack senses your strength in the lord. Bless you. Bless you my child. Just keep praying, my dear. Soon you will drive Satan from your classmates and they will know Jeebus' love like you do.

Oh, Jeebus is speaking through Pastor Jack. He wants to bestow a special blessing upon you. Look up and see what you have done. Jeebus wants you to have it. To take it and to receive Pastor Jack's special blessing. the blessing that is normally only for Mrs. Pastor Jack but she's been so cold in indifferent and won't do things that won't result in procreation. Take it now and receive, child! Receive!

Exactly 92 seconds later

Oh God! That was Jeebus great! Go wash yourself off in the holy water. Jeebus says you prayed with conviction and just the right tongue action. You are a special child amongst his flock. Go now and speak not of this to anyone. Pastor Jack confides in you and your special prayers. Do not tell another soul for Pastor jack can' do another dime in medium.

Pastor Jack says maybe you and two of your girlfriends could come by in a couple of hours for a prayer meeting. Who ever gets the most blessing is loved by Jeebus the most. But remember, Jeebus says 'no fatties'. Fatties are an affront to him.
2013-03-15 08:49:53 AM  
2 votes:

Tat'dGreaser: I like how he blamed stress


FTA: Schaap admitted to the relationship but said he was suffering from "extreme stress, exhaustion, depression, burn-out and several other medical maladies."

Just once, I would like to see an honest quote from someone like this...Schaap admitted to the relationship but said he was suffering from "extreme horniness, sexlexia, satyriasis, and several other medical maladies."
2013-03-15 05:55:01 AM  
2 votes:
Coincidentally, sex with him is exactly what his new cellmate Jesus desires!
2013-03-15 02:21:49 PM  
1 votes:

namatad: mamoru: I don't know about Indiana, but age of consent, especially for minors, doesn't usually apply to people in positions of authority, does it?

not relevant
he can not be convicted of statutory rape, which is why he was farking 16 year olds and not 15.
position of authority?
LOLOLOL

he might be able to lose his job because of it. but that is it.

HAHAHA HAHAHAHAH HAHAHA
idiot took her across state lines?
HELLLLOOOO
the FEDS are prosecuting him, not the states.
farking her in indiana was legal
all he had to do is stay in state.
idiot


Roses are red
violets are blue
I AM NOT GOOD AT THIS MIDGARDIAN POETRY
Poptart

/What your post reminded me of
//Sorry, couldn't resist. :p
2013-03-15 11:22:52 AM  
1 votes:

louiedog: namatad:

HAHAHA HAHAHAHAH HAHAHA
idiot took her across state lines?
HELLLLOOOO
the FEDS are prosecuting him, not the states.
farking her in indiana was legal
all he had to do is stay in state.
idiot

The worst poem I ever read.


"Oh freddled gruntbuggly...."
2013-03-15 11:18:07 AM  
1 votes:
namatad:

HAHAHA HAHAHAHAH HAHAHA
idiot took her across state lines?
HELLLLOOOO
the FEDS are prosecuting him, not the states.
farking her in indiana was legal
all he had to do is stay in state.
idiot


The worst poem I ever read.
2013-03-15 11:12:57 AM  
1 votes:

Ilmarinen: Has anyone mentioned his last name means "sheep"? (it's Dutch)

/you fark one sheep....


The name was originally Schaapfocker, but they shortened it when they came to America.
2013-03-15 09:21:16 AM  
1 votes:

Harry Freakstorm: He sounds like one those Pastor first name types. "Hi. I'm Pastor Jack. You can call me Pastor Jack. That's my name. My what a lot of love there is in this family. You guys make Jeebus happy. God bless you all. Now Pastor Jack wants to talk to your daughter alone. Don't worry. I'm Pastor Jack. You can trust me." I'll make sure she gets home.

"Now, sweetie, you can trust Pastor Jack. He and Jeebus are like this. Now when you go to school, do the other kids make fun of you because you love Jeebus? Of course they do. that's just the devil in them. Pastor Jack has seen this too many times. Pastor jack had to endure it when he was your age. All those mean kids full of the devil. What do you say we pray for their souls, right now? You and Pastor Jack. Just kneel right there in front of me and start your praying. I will lay my hands on your head and Pastor Jack will channel his power through you. "

"Oh your prayers are strong. Pastor Jack senses your strength in the lord. Bless you. Bless you my child. Just keep praying, my dear. Soon you will drive Satan from your classmates and they will know Jeebus' love like you do.

Oh, Jeebus is speaking through Pastor Jack. He wants to bestow a special blessing upon you. Look up and see what you have done. Jeebus wants you to have it. To take it and to receive Pastor Jack's special blessing. the blessing that is normally only for Mrs. Pastor Jack but she's been so cold in indifferent and won't do things that won't result in procreation. Take it now and receive, child! Receive!

Exactly 92 seconds later

Oh God! That was Jeebus great! Go wash yourself off in the holy water. Jeebus says you prayed with conviction and just the right tongue action. You are a special child amongst his flock. Go now and speak not of this to anyone. Pastor Jack confides in you and your special prayers. Do not tell another soul for Pastor jack can' do another dime in medium.

Pastor Jack says maybe you and two of yo ...


i lol'd out loud... with the exception of the use of terms like fatties, "tongue action", and "dime in medium" it would have made for a script in an after school special...
2013-03-15 07:26:37 AM  
1 votes:
Thta's always been one of my concerns about Jesus. He seems like a really nice guy, on the face of it - but all kinds of weird people seem to be able to get him to say whatever they want him to, when it's convenient for them.
Skr
2013-03-15 05:37:28 AM  
1 votes:
So I was GiS'ing what Jesus might want to do and well... I stumbled upon an ad where Jesus is being dominated by a hefty Dominatrix


freethinker.co.uk



I'm not sure if this is what Jesus wants.
Save Jesus
2013-03-15 05:06:59 AM  
1 votes:

SeraphicSorcerer: REO-Weedwagon: Here's an actual video of the Reverend Schaap demonstrating how he likes his shaft stroked. Safe for work.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tr0UpQXYkGs

What's this guy's fark handle? I am asking seriously. That is uncomfortably disturbing, yet he does it so well.


Something_Jesus, of course.
2013-03-15 04:53:16 AM  
1 votes:
Here's an actual video of the Reverend Schaap demonstrating how he likes his shaft stroked. Safe for work.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tr0UpQXYkGs
2013-03-15 04:51:09 AM  
1 votes:
chochopi.files.wordpress.com
2013-03-15 04:45:13 AM  
1 votes:

kxs401: When your desires and your god's desires line up perfectly, you need to start asking yourself some questions.


You mean like "How lucky can a guy get"?
2013-03-15 01:07:15 AM  
1 votes:
"God wants us to fark.  No, seriously.  I asked him.  He sent me a text this morning."
2013-03-15 12:43:51 AM  
1 votes:
Creepy scumbag the head of a megachurch? Get out.
2013-03-14 11:50:01 PM  
1 votes:
Schaap continued that their relationship was sanctioned by God and he referred to their "fantasy talk" during a counseling session. "You have affectionately spoken of being 'my wife.' That is exactly what Christ desires for us. He wants to marry us + become eternal lovers! Or at least until you get old or fat! BTW do you have a younger sister? Just asking lol JK :) But do you??"
 
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