Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Chicago Trib)   Megachurch pastor tells 16-year old that having sex with him "is exactly what Christ desires". How convenient   (chicagotribune.com) divider line 136
    More: Sick, Jesus Christ, sexual relationship, pastors  
•       •       •

12652 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Mar 2013 at 4:34 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



136 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all
 
Skr
2013-03-15 05:37:28 AM  
So I was GiS'ing what Jesus might want to do and well... I stumbled upon an ad where Jesus is being dominated by a hefty Dominatrix


freethinker.co.uk



I'm not sure if this is what Jesus wants.
Save Jesus
 
2013-03-15 05:45:49 AM  
Um, hello? Creeper 101 called and says dont cross that magical state line if you can't do the time.

/ didn't plan on that rhyming
 
2013-03-15 05:55:01 AM  
Coincidentally, sex with him is exactly what his new cellmate Jesus desires!
 
2013-03-15 05:56:41 AM  
Typical christian creeper cult behavior; fill people with a fear of Hell that's so terrible that they'll do anything to avoid it. Anything!
 
2013-03-15 05:59:50 AM  

hardinparamedic: Godscrack: Shocking. That almost never happens.

[img849.imageshack.us image 570x752]

You might want to redo your shock graphic there so you don't get called out. The Mohler case was dismissed with prejudice because it was discovered there was absolutely no evidence to support the bizzare claims being made by the woman involved. In addition, it's believed that this case represents another example of the Ritual Abuse Panic that has been sweeping the nation since the late 1980s involving religious daycares and institutions. In addition, the stories told by the individuals which accused the Mohlers never matched up with any kind of evidence found by police.

The Mohler case demonstrates the dangers of moral panics combined with the idea that "recovered memories" are real.


Suuuuuuuuure. And most mafia Dons are innocent too!

ts1.mm.bing.net
 
2013-03-15 05:59:56 AM  

Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: Seems like a lot of people get into positions of religious authority for the sex.


And money, and power, and ego gratification, and... pretty much anything but serving God. Why do we kid ourselves? Religion isn't about God. Religion is about keeping priests fed and clothed. God is just window dressing to give the scam a little respectability.
 
2013-03-15 06:00:39 AM  

Lurk sober post drunk: Schaap admitted to the relationship but said he was suffering from "extreme stress, exhaustion, depression, burn-out and several other medical maladies."

guys, ease up.  he is obviously the victim here.



www.deadmoon.org
 
2013-03-15 06:03:05 AM  

REO-Weedwagon: Here's an actual video of the Reverend Schaap demonstrating how he likes his shaft stroked. Safe for work.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tr0UpQXYkGs


What the holy fark is wrong with that guy?
 
2013-03-15 06:06:18 AM  

CeroX: ox45tallboy: REO-Weedwagon: Here's an actual video of the Reverend Schaap demonstrating how he likes his shaft stroked. Safe for work.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tr0UpQXYkGs

What the holy f*ck was that?

I grew up in a fundy church, but seriously, what the f*ck kind of point was he trying to make?

what all mega church pastors try and make... "give us more money"

I can't watch youtube from work, but i'm willing to bet that if you replace a lot of euphemisms in that sermon, it'll translate to something something something charity something something something personal giving us more money will reserve your seat in heaven


The bit I managed to sit through was of him masturbating an arrow while screaming about pain.
 
2013-03-15 06:07:32 AM  
Religious people=mental illness
 
2013-03-15 06:38:01 AM  
Perfect situation for a Tool "Opiate" reference, and you farkers let me down yet again.

/Deaf and blind and dumb and born to follow
//What you need is someone strong to guide you


///Like me.
 
2013-03-15 06:38:06 AM  
"as they argue for a 10-year prison sentence for Jack A. Schaap"

Yet female teachers only get a slap on the wrist when they fark their 16 year old students.

Yes, yes, across state lines, blah blah. Don't see what difference it makes.
 
2013-03-15 06:38:09 AM  
while the guy is a complete scumbag for saying God told him to have sex with him

according to the article "The girl had turned 17 when the incidents were happening, according to prosecutors. "

also,

the age of consent in Indiana is 16.....

so what is the problem here? Of course the church should fire him, but he shouldn't be sent to jail.
 
2013-03-15 06:40:39 AM  
I wish our species believed in something higher than ourselves, but instinctively distrusted anyone who claimed to know what that something wanted or sanctioned.

Wait a second. That is impossible.

Carry on!
 
2013-03-15 06:42:38 AM  

BarkingUnicorn: ox45tallboy: Okay, I'm not trying to defend a jackass that would take advantage of someone he is treating for emotional issues, or is otherwise in a position if authority over. He was very, very wrong to do this, and deserves to be punished.

But if I'm not mistaken, the age of consent in Indiana is 16.

Person in a position of trust.


citation?
 
2013-03-15 06:44:17 AM  

ox45tallboy: BarkingUnicorn: Person in a position of trust.

Yes, and as pointed out above, he crossed state lines with a minor for the purpose of having sexual relations.


the age of consent in michigan is 16
 
2013-03-15 06:47:31 AM  

lelio: Um, hello? Creeper 101 called and says dont cross that magical state line if you can't do the time.

/ didn't plan on that rhyming


y ou mean the state line where both states have an age of consent law of 16 when the girl is 17?
 
2013-03-15 06:48:07 AM  
I started not being able to be trusted with 14 year old girls at the age of 16 and it only grew worse.  The only reason I stopped was that I didn't want to go to jail.
 
2013-03-15 06:48:32 AM  

Deep Contact: Religious people=mental illness


quit blaming the victim
 
2013-03-15 07:01:57 AM  
guys, the age of consent for a state has dick to do with federal laws and guidelines when crossing state lines... there's a lot of state laws that are fine INSIDE that state, but carry them over a state line and the federal government is going to step in...

Off the top of my head without links or citations i believe the feds have a problem with unapproved people taking the following across state borders:

Fireworks
Guns
Knives
Minors
Alcohol
Tobacco
Firewood
Replica Guns
Toy Guns (of the airsoft variety)
 
2013-03-15 07:18:54 AM  

CeroX: guys, the age of consent for a state has dick to do with federal laws and guidelines when crossing state lines... there's a lot of state laws that are fine INSIDE that state, but carry them over a state line and the federal government is going to step in...

Off the top of my head without links or citations i believe the feds have a problem with unapproved people taking the following across state borders:

Fireworks
Guns
Knives
Minors
Alcohol
Tobacco
Firewood
Replica Guns
Toy Guns (of the airsoft variety)


yeah but most of the time big gov won't care about some of that stuff. every year fireworks are transported across state lines. same with knives and other such trivial items. they start to have a problem when you cross state lines with a minor, guns, drugs, and alcohol.... especially any combination of those.
 
2013-03-15 07:23:27 AM  

hardinparamedic: Godscrack: Shocking. That almost never happens.

[img849.imageshack.us image 570x752]

You might want to redo your shock graphic there so you don't get called out. The Mohler case was dismissed with prejudice because it was discovered there was absolutely no evidence to support the bizzare claims being made by the woman involved. In addition, it's believed that this case represents another example of the Ritual Abuse Panic that has been sweeping the nation since the late 1980s involving religious daycares and institutions. In addition, the stories told by the individuals which accused the Mohlers never matched up with any kind of evidence found by police.

The Mohler case demonstrates the dangers of moral panics combined with the idea that "recovered memories" are real.


Thankyou for that info. I didn't know about Mohler case until about 2 minutes ago, and then you imediately set me straight. Your debunking has stopped an internet rumor from digging into my mind, thanks ;)
 
2013-03-15 07:26:37 AM  
Thta's always been one of my concerns about Jesus. He seems like a really nice guy, on the face of it - but all kinds of weird people seem to be able to get him to say whatever they want him to, when it's convenient for them.
 
2013-03-15 07:27:00 AM  
I love these pastors, ministers, etc.... who can read the words in their book over and over again but fail so miserably in perceiving any true meaning behind them.

It's simple Chumley,
So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.
 
2013-03-15 07:27:28 AM  

Badgers: Let Jesus fark you?


1.bp.blogspot.com

I think he prefers 8 year olds, Dude...
 
2013-03-15 07:38:21 AM  
I like how he blamed stress
 
2013-03-15 07:54:07 AM  
He should hook up with the girl yesterday running down the street naked because her bf wouldn't give it to her.
 
2013-03-15 07:54:17 AM  
Meanwhile, "grooming" frightened, ignorant people of all ages into giving you money and power is still looked upon as a righteous calling.
 
2013-03-15 07:57:59 AM  

Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: Seems like a lot of people get into positions of religious authority for the sex.


And gradeschool teaching, but those threads never seem to draw the bloodthirsty pitchfork crowd.
 
2013-03-15 08:01:17 AM  

Insurgent: Lurk sober post drunk: Schaap admitted to the relationship but said he was suffering from "extreme stress, exhaustion, depression, burn-out and several other medical maladies."

guys, ease up.  he is obviously the victim here.

agreed. he was unable to consent. charge the girl with super-statutory rape. it's the law.


i'm also not prepared to condemn the guy until i see what she was wearing.  that right there will tell you if she wanted it or not.  i'd go to church to see her, but i'm not allowed within 500 yds.
 
2013-03-15 08:01:28 AM  
Chicago Magazine did a long story several months ago about this church.  Highly recommended (and disturbing).

http://www.chicagomag.com/Chicago-Magazine/January-2013/Let-Us-Prey- Bi g-Trouble-at-First-Baptist-Church/
 
2013-03-15 08:01:49 AM  
www.evolvefish.com
 
2013-03-15 08:02:44 AM  

giftedmadness: Deep Contact: Religious people=mental illness

quit blaming the victim


I blame both retards.
 
2013-03-15 08:05:02 AM  
Christ desires someone to give me TotalFark.

Really! He does!
 
2013-03-15 08:10:03 AM  

Navin Johnson: Chicago Magazine did a long story several months ago about this church.  Highly recommended (and disturbing).

http://www.chicagomag.com/Chicago-Magazine/January-2013/Let-Us-Prey- Bi g-Trouble-at-First-Baptist-Church/


you know, it depresses me.  i make dumb jokes about it being the girls fault, and then start reading that story and there are people who actually take that position.
 
2013-03-15 08:43:36 AM  
That Jesus sure is a kinky guy.

//in related news 16 will get you 20 years
 
2013-03-15 08:49:53 AM  

Tat'dGreaser: I like how he blamed stress


FTA: Schaap admitted to the relationship but said he was suffering from "extreme stress, exhaustion, depression, burn-out and several other medical maladies."

Just once, I would like to see an honest quote from someone like this...Schaap admitted to the relationship but said he was suffering from "extreme horniness, sexlexia, satyriasis, and several other medical maladies."
 
2013-03-15 08:53:54 AM  
We all have the capacity to screw up our lives...which ever one of us hasn't sinned be the Weeners a negative comment about this guy. Lord knows I can't condemn him for what he's done since I'm a sinner same as him.

...but seriously....you were the pastor of a "mega" church, you claimed to be the Shepard of a large flock of people and you turn around and twist that position to send 640 texts, share 25 phone calls to prey (not "pray") on this girl, and it never crosses your mind that you *might* be walking a razor's edge?

My problem with this guy is the hypocrisy......the same hypocrisy that Jesus hated.

If more Christians practiced what they preached more people might actually believe what they were saying.
 
2013-03-15 08:56:30 AM  

Clint_Torres: Tat'dGreaser: I like how he blamed stress

FTA: Schaap admitted to the relationship but said he was suffering from "extreme stress, exhaustion, depression, burn-out and several other medical maladies."

Just once, I would like to see an honest quote from someone like this...Schaap admitted to the relationship but said he was suffering from "extreme horniness, sexlexia, satyriasis, and several other medical maladies."


Yo that 16 year old ass was TIGHT son!! How am I going to pass on that??? Straight up, Jesus bless word.
 
2013-03-15 09:08:08 AM  

Tat'dGreaser: Yo that 16 year old ass was TIGHT son!! How am I going to pass on that??? Straight up, Jesus bless word.


Hahahaha.
 
2013-03-15 09:13:30 AM  

mcgreggers99: If more Christians practiced what they preached more people might actually believe what they were saying.


You understand why they don't right?

To a typical christian, they believe they were born sinners, that from the moment they were born satan has a claim on their soul and it took some profound moment of clarity, an epiphany, where many claim is the the lowest time in their lives, and jesus himself came down to them and lifted them up and forgave them for their sins...

Now, what this means is that they accept they are sinners, they were always sinners, and they always will be sinners... like an alcoholic who knows he has a problem and some kind person brought them into sobriety they know they are still an alcoholic. But that's ok, because they "accepted jesus in their hearts" and "believe in jesus" and they ask for forgiveness in a vague sense once in a while, by saying shiat like "dear heavenly father, i come to you this day and ask you bless me with your love and forgive me, a lowly sinner who has accepted you in his heart, any of the sins that this weak flesh may have committed..."

See... they believe that asking for blanket forgiveness absolves them from all the sins, and since the clergy don't require them to list every douchebaggery thing they say and do, that as long as you: Ask for forgiveness, accept jesus in your heart, and give charity (read: money) to the church, you are now a "good person" who is destined for heaven...

What happens then is that they believe that no matter how they act, they are a good person and they take it upon themselves to convert others by pointing out how bad they are and then try and preach the same message of act like a douche, but ask for general forgiveness and "accept christ in your heart" and suddenly you can still act like a douche but become part of the club...
 
2013-03-15 09:14:36 AM  
He sounds like one those Pastor first name types. "Hi. I'm Pastor Jack. You can call me Pastor Jack. That's my name. My what a lot of love there is in this family. You guys make Jeebus happy. God bless you all. Now Pastor Jack wants to talk to your daughter alone. Don't worry. I'm Pastor Jack. You can trust me." I'll make sure she gets home.

"Now, sweetie, you can trust Pastor Jack. He and Jeebus are like this. Now when you go to school, do the other kids make fun of you because you love Jeebus? Of course they do. that's just the devil in them. Pastor Jack has seen this too many times. Pastor jack had to endure it when he was your age. All those mean kids full of the devil. What do you say we pray for their souls, right now? You and Pastor Jack. Just kneel right there in front of me and start your praying. I will lay my hands on your head and Pastor Jack will channel his power through you. "

"Oh your prayers are strong. Pastor Jack senses your strength in the lord. Bless you. Bless you my child. Just keep praying, my dear. Soon you will drive Satan from your classmates and they will know Jeebus' love like you do.

Oh, Jeebus is speaking through Pastor Jack. He wants to bestow a special blessing upon you. Look up and see what you have done. Jeebus wants you to have it. To take it and to receive Pastor Jack's special blessing. the blessing that is normally only for Mrs. Pastor Jack but she's been so cold in indifferent and won't do things that won't result in procreation. Take it now and receive, child! Receive!

Exactly 92 seconds later

Oh God! That was Jeebus great! Go wash yourself off in the holy water. Jeebus says you prayed with conviction and just the right tongue action. You are a special child amongst his flock. Go now and speak not of this to anyone. Pastor Jack confides in you and your special prayers. Do not tell another soul for Pastor jack can' do another dime in medium.

Pastor Jack says maybe you and two of your girlfriends could come by in a couple of hours for a prayer meeting. Who ever gets the most blessing is loved by Jeebus the most. But remember, Jeebus says 'no fatties'. Fatties are an affront to him.
 
2013-03-15 09:15:23 AM  
Ohh, this happened in Hammond Indiana. No big shocker here folks, for those of you who haven't had the pleasure of visiting the great north western part of Indiana...don't. No really just hop on the expressway and drive as fast as you can from this state.
 
2013-03-15 09:15:58 AM  
Schaap admitted to the relationship but said he was suffering from "extreme stress, exhaustion, depression, burn-out and several other medical maladies."

All the signs and symptoms of a chronic masterbater.
 
2013-03-15 09:20:26 AM  
That's pretty gullible for a 16 year old
 
2013-03-15 09:21:16 AM  

Harry Freakstorm: He sounds like one those Pastor first name types. "Hi. I'm Pastor Jack. You can call me Pastor Jack. That's my name. My what a lot of love there is in this family. You guys make Jeebus happy. God bless you all. Now Pastor Jack wants to talk to your daughter alone. Don't worry. I'm Pastor Jack. You can trust me." I'll make sure she gets home.

"Now, sweetie, you can trust Pastor Jack. He and Jeebus are like this. Now when you go to school, do the other kids make fun of you because you love Jeebus? Of course they do. that's just the devil in them. Pastor Jack has seen this too many times. Pastor jack had to endure it when he was your age. All those mean kids full of the devil. What do you say we pray for their souls, right now? You and Pastor Jack. Just kneel right there in front of me and start your praying. I will lay my hands on your head and Pastor Jack will channel his power through you. "

"Oh your prayers are strong. Pastor Jack senses your strength in the lord. Bless you. Bless you my child. Just keep praying, my dear. Soon you will drive Satan from your classmates and they will know Jeebus' love like you do.

Oh, Jeebus is speaking through Pastor Jack. He wants to bestow a special blessing upon you. Look up and see what you have done. Jeebus wants you to have it. To take it and to receive Pastor Jack's special blessing. the blessing that is normally only for Mrs. Pastor Jack but she's been so cold in indifferent and won't do things that won't result in procreation. Take it now and receive, child! Receive!

Exactly 92 seconds later

Oh God! That was Jeebus great! Go wash yourself off in the holy water. Jeebus says you prayed with conviction and just the right tongue action. You are a special child amongst his flock. Go now and speak not of this to anyone. Pastor Jack confides in you and your special prayers. Do not tell another soul for Pastor jack can' do another dime in medium.

Pastor Jack says maybe you and two of yo ...


i lol'd out loud... with the exception of the use of terms like fatties, "tongue action", and "dime in medium" it would have made for a script in an after school special...
 
2013-03-15 09:21:56 AM  
i1321.photobucket.com

i1321.photobucket.com
 
2013-03-15 09:23:17 AM  
You had a great scam going son... But you had to keep pushing the limits didn't you?
 
2013-03-15 09:28:59 AM  
Schaap admitted to the relationship but said he was suffering from "extreme stress, exhaustion, depression, burn-out and several other medical maladies."

IT WASN'T MY FAULT!!
 
2013-03-15 09:38:30 AM  
Makes as much sense as the people who say Christ wants them to be rich.
 
Displayed 50 of 136 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
Advertisement
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report