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(Slate)   Dear Prudence, Is it creepy to offer my dead wife's vibrator to someone else? And if so what else can I do with it?   (slate.com) divider line 31
    More: Strange, Emily Yoffe, couples therapy  
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15835 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Mar 2013 at 3:39 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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Archived thread
2013-03-14 04:36:42 PM
6 votes:
You need to steer into the skid.  While marketing a used sex toy may have a tiny market, a "death vibrator" could bring top dollar from the right buyer.  Just let on that the last user died in the throes of passion to this toy.  This should provide sufficient mythos to intrigue your perspective buyers.  Some crazy net denizen will pay highly to take on such a legendary challenge. Knowing that none of its previous users have survived the experience will provide that sense of danger and risk that they are secretly craving.
2013-03-14 03:50:51 PM
5 votes:
How is this any different then your new girlfriend getting to use your penis after your wife died?
2013-03-14 03:52:09 PM
3 votes:
There's the rub: you don't actually want to have that conversation.

So then clean it and don't tell her it's used.  Holy fark is this really that difficult?
2013-03-14 03:47:26 PM
3 votes:
Take up resin casting and vibrate the mold to get rid of air bubbles.
2013-03-14 03:40:48 PM
3 votes:
Kwame?
2013-03-14 06:41:07 PM
2 votes:

themasterdebater: wildcardjack: Dear reader,

Your dead wife's vibrator would, by now, be an outdated model. You'll be surprised at the new market for knobs and ribs and gyrating features with flashing lights and MP3 compatible music players. It would be a bonding experience to go out as a couple and buy a new vibrator together. But and don't cheap out, this might be a more important purchase than anything you'll get at the jeweler's.

You better damn well make sure you can perform, because as long as the battery power is fully charged, there is no way any man can compete with that, plus while your at work, you can guess what she'll be doing at home.

/First symptom is laundry piling up.


You clearly don't understand how most women work sexually.

/protip: a vibrator lacks the capacity for romance, or the capacity to be spontaneous beyond perhaps some random settings
//If you think you can be replaced by a vibrator, the problem is not the vibrator
2013-03-14 05:01:40 PM
2 votes:
He should have donated it to Toys For Twats.
2013-03-14 04:00:03 PM
2 votes:
Bury it with her.

In ancient times, people believed that weapons and tools were so personal they could not be used by another person, so they buried them with the owner or destroyed them. Vibrators fall into this class of objects.

Of course, if you are too embarrassed to arrange for these personal objects to be buried with your loved ones, you can always sneak into the graveyard later with the vibrator and a shovel. Make sure you get the right grave. Perhaps a very bright flashlight is a good idea. Perhaps not.

Actually the storage rooms of museums the world over are full of dildeaux which are labelled "cult objects" to avoid embarrassing archaeologists.


Personally, I would opt for cremation, but it seems to have some of the same risks and inconveniences of burial.

P.S. If you hear strange noises in a graveyard, don't be surprised. Some of those vibrators may be accidentally turned on unless the batteries are removed before burial.
2013-03-14 03:58:22 PM
2 votes:
1. Remove the batteries.
2. If batteries are still useable, put them in another device that needs them.  If not, dispose of them properly.
3. Douse the toy with a liberal amount of lighter fluid.
4. Viking funeral.

/done
2013-03-14 03:48:52 PM
2 votes:
I like how he has addressed the question of whether the vibrator caused her death without that question being asked. As if he's already had this conversation with other people and he's just surfing for someone's approval to give it to his new girlfriend.
2013-03-14 03:47:01 PM
2 votes:
My God.

Throw.

It.

Out.
ecl
2013-03-14 03:43:53 PM
2 votes:
Dear f*ckhead,

Stick it in your ear.

Prudence
2013-03-14 03:41:12 PM
2 votes:

ongbok: Kwame?


Seriously.
2013-03-14 07:39:45 PM
1 votes:
only use it on your new girl's butt?
2013-03-14 06:11:05 PM
1 votes:
Just how expensive....?

http://www.amazon.com/JOPEN-JO-4770-14-3-Vanity-Jopen-vr12-Vibrator/ dp /B004KS2CZ4

$142, even on Amazon?  OK, well, I understand your need to get a return on the investment at least....
2013-03-14 05:06:58 PM
1 votes:
Buy yourself a vibrating lifelike mold of a pornstar's nether regions.  Your choice.

Turn both items on, then insert one into the other.

Let them duke it out until only one is left standing.

Return the champion to the manufacturer.  Include instructions that it is to be used for breeding purposes.  The champion's offspring will be that much better, thanks to your efforts.
2013-03-14 05:04:33 PM
1 votes:
FTFA:
Dear Prudence,
I have been married for 16 years and can count on one hand the number of times my husband and I have had sex. For the first five months of our relationship sex was frequent and passionate. Then I got the engagement ring and the excuses started. I married him because he was the love of my life and hoped things would get better after the stress of planning a wedding was behind us. I was also in my mid-30s and wanted children. The honeymoon was a huge disappointment. Our two children were conceived through IVF. We have been in counseling, but at this point, I'm not attracted to him anymore. He is kind, smart, funny, and a great provider. He is a fabulous father and he and our young teenage twins would be devastated if we divorced. In five years, the twins will be in college. Do I leave him after the kids go and try to find someone else? Or stay and live in a comfortable but platonic marriage?
-Too Good to Go, Too Bad to Stay
Dear Bad,
On your way to the fertility clinic to mix up your gametes in the laboratory because your physically capable husband is so phobic and twisted about sex that he won't do the deed with you, I wonder if an inner voice said, "This is completely crazy." Yes, you were eager to have children, but when your husband insisted on a celibate honeymoon, that was the time to recognize the extent of his pathology. If you have a normal sex drive, I don't know how you can consider continuing your monastic existence (actually, I'm betting a lot more sex has taken place at monasteries than in your marriage) once the kids have gone. Frankly, I don't know why you should condemn yourself to another five years of this. If for the sake of your children's stability that sacrifice seems worth it to you, that's your choice. But I'd suggest you go back into couples therapy and discuss the possibilities of divorce or open marriage. Your husband has reneged on one of the basic principles of your union, and you're entitled to seek a physical connection elsewhere. Since you must be incredibly sexually frustrated, I know a place where you get a fancy Jopen vibrator, cheap.
-Prudie


I have to wonder if this is the same response that she would have given to a husband, had he written her complaining that he doesn't get enough sex from his wife, or if a wife who doesn't put out was to write to her about her husband cheating on her.  "You're entitled to seek a physical connection elsewhere" probably wouldn't have been the phrasing she would have used.

/I realize this isn't really related to the topic the headline referenced, but it's from TFA
//I see no problem with a gently used sex toy being reused by someone if it has properly been sanitized and there are no health concerns, regardless of the fate of the original owner
2013-03-14 04:58:17 PM
1 votes:

abfalter: Dear Reader:

Generally the best thing you can do is to give the item away.  Perhaps a sign in your driveway saying "Dead Wife's Vibrator -- FREE!".  The vibrator itself can be placed on the ground in front of the sign.  I am certain that that will attract attention.

-- Prudence


It is best to put $50 on it.  If you put free, people wont steal it, thinking it has issues.
2013-03-14 04:13:06 PM
1 votes:
This is how you troll not only the advice columnist, but her readers.
2013-03-14 03:58:40 PM
1 votes:
I like the second question and answer even better then the first.
2013-03-14 03:56:51 PM
1 votes:
#1 - throw it out

#2 - give it a thorough cleaning and give it t9o the new subject. Just know that you can never speak of it to any living person. I know it's fine. you know it's fine. The vibrator will harm no one but no one wants to speak of, or think about your dead wife in this context.

To sum up, you already knew the answer to your stupid question before you asked it.
2013-03-14 03:55:48 PM
1 votes:
Dear Reader:

Generally the best thing you can do is to give the item away.  Perhaps a sign in your driveway saying "Dead Wife's Vibrator -- FREE!".  The vibrator itself can be placed on the ground in front of the sign.  I am certain that that will attract attention.

-- Prudence
2013-03-14 03:54:05 PM
1 votes:

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: Gentle Reader,

Be sure to clean it thoroughly and undo any modifications your late wife may have installed. While the departed could plan accordingly for an 11 horsepower motor and Sawz-All fitting attachment, your new loving bride may not be so prepared. Best of all fortune to your matrimony.

Prudence


OOOH! A farkzAll. Yes, built one once, very popular. Now, if the deceased's toy was a Hitachi Magic Wand, your new Ladyfriend will be more than happy to have it, cleaned or otherwise. And especially so if it was a Sybian.
2013-03-14 03:53:36 PM
1 votes:

kvinesknows: How is this any different then your new girlfriend getting to use your penis after your wife died?


Well now, you've got a point there.
2013-03-14 03:53:15 PM
1 votes:
Give it to homeless people. They need robotic loving too.
2013-03-14 03:50:40 PM
1 votes:
Thats why we got trash can. Try to use it more often.
2013-03-14 03:50:10 PM
1 votes:
Dear reader,

Your dead wife's vibrator would, by now, be an outdated model. You'll be surprised at the new market for knobs and ribs and gyrating features with flashing lights and MP3 compatible music players. It would be a bonding experience to go out as a couple and buy a new vibrator together. But and don't cheap out, this might be a more important purchase than anything you'll get at the jeweler's.
2013-03-14 03:46:03 PM
1 votes:
Throw it out. Buy a new one. God bless the consumer culture.

Let it go, because man, they're gone.
2013-03-14 03:45:07 PM
1 votes:
Withhold not good from those to whom it is due, when it is in the power of thine hand to do in.
2013-03-14 03:44:48 PM
1 votes:
The perfect opportunity to combine electric football and a Ouija board. Let your dead wife decide while giving you insider tips on how badly the Browns will lose.
2013-03-14 03:44:04 PM
1 votes:
what NOT to do with it:

stick it up your butt.

/unless you plan to tweet about it at the hospital
 
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