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(Slate)   Dear Prudence, Is it creepy to offer my dead wife's vibrator to someone else? And if so what else can I do with it?   (slate.com) divider line 201
    More: Strange, Emily Yoffe, couples therapy  
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15835 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Mar 2013 at 3:39 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-14 04:41:27 PM

Znuh: shifty lookin bleeder: Two words:  Secret Santa

Secretion Santa.


*strangestboner.jpg*
 
2013-03-14 04:42:38 PM

stuff: You need to steer into the skid.  While marketing a used sex toy may have a tiny market, a "death vibrator" could bring top dollar from the right buyer.  Just let on that the last user died in the throes of passion to this toy.  This should provide sufficient mythos to intrigue your perspective buyers.  Some crazy net denizen will pay highly to take on such a legendary challenge. Knowing that none of its previous users have survived the experience will provide that sense of danger and risk that they are secretly craving.


DEATH VIBRATOR - If I ever start a band, that's going to be our name!!
 
2013-03-14 04:48:42 PM
Rent a Storage Locker.  Get a lot of large boxes.  Write on them "Original Star Wars: A New Hope Figures", "Empire Strikes Back Figures", "RoTJ Figures", "Vehicles", and a couple listed as "Comic Books, 1950's & 60's), make sure it is organized well.  Place the vibrator in a random box.

Let storage locker payments lapse.  Attend storage locker auction and enjoy hilarity.
 
2013-03-14 04:50:03 PM
April 1st isn't for another 2 weeks....
 
2013-03-14 04:50:47 PM

red230: She finds the solution to this issue in the second question.


Or put it on http://www.ebay.co.jp/
 
2013-03-14 04:53:32 PM

Random Anonymous Blackmail: NightOwl2255


Is there a market for used sex toys?

I run a small business that sells used, uncleaned toys from vending machines in Japan. So the answer is yes.


www.lolz.se
 
2013-03-14 04:54:12 PM
Put it in the claw machine at a bowling ally.
 
2013-03-14 04:54:24 PM

fredirc: Hollow it out, use shell to build amateur rocket. Attempt space shot.


Totally! F*ck space!
 
2013-03-14 04:55:47 PM
Centerpiece for the dinner table.
 
2013-03-14 04:56:37 PM

NightOwl2255: Is there a market for used sex toys? Off to eBay to check. I wonder if the phrase "gently used" will be found.


Previously o-o-o-OOOOwned.
 
2013-03-14 04:58:17 PM

abfalter: Dear Reader:

Generally the best thing you can do is to give the item away.  Perhaps a sign in your driveway saying "Dead Wife's Vibrator -- FREE!".  The vibrator itself can be placed on the ground in front of the sign.  I am certain that that will attract attention.

-- Prudence


It is best to put $50 on it.  If you put free, people wont steal it, thinking it has issues.
 
2013-03-14 04:59:51 PM
CTRL+F craigslist Phrase not found

What is wrong with you people?
 
2013-03-14 04:59:51 PM

Lettuce Pray: [1.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com image 600x803]DIY Sonicare. Duh.


I LOLOLOLED to that.  never seen that joke before.  bravo.
 
2013-03-14 05:00:53 PM
I figured my dead wife's sex toys were worthless, but gazelle.com paid me top dollar for all of them. Even the little 14 inch "Black Mamba"!

Thanks, gazelle.com!
 
2013-03-14 05:01:40 PM
He should have donated it to Toys For Twats.
 
2013-03-14 05:02:25 PM
bullshiat, Prudence. i sold a used 'massager' with all the attachments on eBay about 8 years ago. people will buy anything.
 
2013-03-14 05:02:32 PM

tdyak: Rent a Storage Locker.  Get a lot of large boxes.  Write on them "Original Star Wars: A New Hope Figures", "Empire Strikes Back Figures", "RoTJ Figures", "Vehicles", and a couple listed as "Comic Books, 1950's & 60's), make sure it is organized well.  Place the vibrator in a random box.

Let storage locker payments lapse.  Attend storage locker auction and enjoy hilarity.


awesome.
 
2013-03-14 05:03:51 PM
depends... what was she doing when she died?
 
2013-03-14 05:04:01 PM

vudukungfu: This is how you troll not only the advice columnist, but her readers.


At least once a week we have an aarticle like this.  Im sure prudence is just playing along for the enormous number of readers she's getting out of it.
 
2013-03-14 05:04:27 PM

stampylives: depends... what was she doing when she died?


The pool boy.
 
2013-03-14 05:04:33 PM
FTFA:
Dear Prudence,
I have been married for 16 years and can count on one hand the number of times my husband and I have had sex. For the first five months of our relationship sex was frequent and passionate. Then I got the engagement ring and the excuses started. I married him because he was the love of my life and hoped things would get better after the stress of planning a wedding was behind us. I was also in my mid-30s and wanted children. The honeymoon was a huge disappointment. Our two children were conceived through IVF. We have been in counseling, but at this point, I'm not attracted to him anymore. He is kind, smart, funny, and a great provider. He is a fabulous father and he and our young teenage twins would be devastated if we divorced. In five years, the twins will be in college. Do I leave him after the kids go and try to find someone else? Or stay and live in a comfortable but platonic marriage?
-Too Good to Go, Too Bad to Stay
Dear Bad,
On your way to the fertility clinic to mix up your gametes in the laboratory because your physically capable husband is so phobic and twisted about sex that he won't do the deed with you, I wonder if an inner voice said, "This is completely crazy." Yes, you were eager to have children, but when your husband insisted on a celibate honeymoon, that was the time to recognize the extent of his pathology. If you have a normal sex drive, I don't know how you can consider continuing your monastic existence (actually, I'm betting a lot more sex has taken place at monasteries than in your marriage) once the kids have gone. Frankly, I don't know why you should condemn yourself to another five years of this. If for the sake of your children's stability that sacrifice seems worth it to you, that's your choice. But I'd suggest you go back into couples therapy and discuss the possibilities of divorce or open marriage. Your husband has reneged on one of the basic principles of your union, and you're entitled to seek a physical connection elsewhere. Since you must be incredibly sexually frustrated, I know a place where you get a fancy Jopen vibrator, cheap.
-Prudie


I have to wonder if this is the same response that she would have given to a husband, had he written her complaining that he doesn't get enough sex from his wife, or if a wife who doesn't put out was to write to her about her husband cheating on her.  "You're entitled to seek a physical connection elsewhere" probably wouldn't have been the phrasing she would have used.

/I realize this isn't really related to the topic the headline referenced, but it's from TFA
//I see no problem with a gently used sex toy being reused by someone if it has properly been sanitized and there are no health concerns, regardless of the fate of the original owner
 
2013-03-14 05:05:09 PM
img2u.info
"You can stick it where the sun don't shine!"
 
2013-03-14 05:06:00 PM

tdyak: Rent a Storage Locker.  Get a lot of large boxes.  Write on them "Original Star Wars: A New Hope Figures", "Empire Strikes Back Figures", "RoTJ Figures", "Vehicles", and a couple listed as "Comic Books, 1950's & 60's), make sure it is organized well.  Place the vibrator in a random box.

Let storage locker payments lapse.  Attend storage locker auction and enjoy hilarity.


Noooooooooope!
 
2013-03-14 05:06:19 PM

drdank: He should have donated it to Toys For Twats.


I think we're done here.

/thread
 
2013-03-14 05:06:58 PM
Buy yourself a vibrating lifelike mold of a pornstar's nether regions.  Your choice.

Turn both items on, then insert one into the other.

Let them duke it out until only one is left standing.

Return the champion to the manufacturer.  Include instructions that it is to be used for breeding purposes.  The champion's offspring will be that much better, thanks to your efforts.
 
2013-03-14 05:09:52 PM

devilEther: I make a grown woman cry, I make a dead woman come


Voodoo dick, my ass.
 
2013-03-14 05:11:28 PM

Fano: devilEther: I make a grown woman cry, I make a dead woman come

Voodoo dick, my ass.


Well, if you say so...
 
2013-03-14 05:12:27 PM
i.walmartimages.com

Use it as a replacement for a broken jart?
 
2013-03-14 05:12:55 PM

Marquis de Sod: Consult your clergyman. Make sure the vibrator is blessed and everything should be just fine...just fine


If she was using this one, I think she'd be OK. (NSF Anyfarkingthing)
 
2013-03-14 05:14:46 PM

Digitalstrange: My serious advice:

The 3 options are

1 Throw it out and suggest shopping for sex toys together, online or in person. On the negative side it is more expensive, on the positive it can often prove a turn on and you will be able to gauge her kinkiness by what she shows interest in.

2 Clean it thoroughly and bring it out one night saying "I've got something new for us to try" Technically it is new to your sex life. On the plus side you get more use from an expensive piece of equipment, on the negative if she asks detailed questions you either have to fess up or risk a lie, either is kinda dangerous.

3 put it someplace she is likely to discover like a bedside table and when she does so let her decide it's fate. Some people are creeped out by sex toys that have been used by others, some are not.


4 When she finds it, say "I could've swore that was buried with her"
 
2013-03-14 05:15:15 PM

This space intentionally left blank.: Marquis de Sod: Consult your clergyman. Make sure the vibrator is blessed and everything should be just fine...just fine

If she was using this one, I think she'd be OK. (NSF Anyfarkingthing)


"The Second Coming"??
 
2013-03-14 05:16:29 PM

fat boy: 4 When she finds it, say "I could've swore that was buried with her"


"with" her, or "in" her?
 
2013-03-14 05:16:33 PM

solokumba: Or just give her on of these RAZORMAXX from Fark's featured 'no comments' allowed partners.

[s3-ec.buzzfed.com image 625x409]


That pharking phone sucks!!
 
2013-03-14 05:16:41 PM
I dunno - you can stick it up your ass for all I care.
 
2013-03-14 05:16:51 PM
Necrodildonics?

I'm imagining Vincent Price reading Penthouse Letters.
 
2013-03-14 05:19:48 PM

Evil Mackerel: Put it in the claw machine at a bowling ally.


www.jonathanrosenbaum.com
 
2013-03-14 05:22:21 PM
Take it to the mall and nonchalantly slip it into another woman's purse/shopping bag.
 
2013-03-14 05:22:56 PM
Turn it on.
Put it in a box.
Leave it under a seat at mall food court
Get another Fark greenlight.
 
2013-03-14 05:23:03 PM

SultanofSchwing: This space intentionally left blank.: Marquis de Sod: Consult your clergyman. Make sure the vibrator is blessed and everything should be just fine...just fine

If she was using this one, I think she'd be OK. (NSF Anyfarkingthing)

"The Second Coming"??


Third, fourth, and fifth too.
 
2013-03-14 05:25:30 PM

Harry Freakstorm: If you had the wife cremated, you can put it in the urn. It'll find its own way from there. If you buried her, don't leave at the cemetery. It'll just wander off.


I'm pissed the insensitive jerk didn't bury it with her. What is she supposed to do for eternity?
 
2013-03-14 05:26:29 PM

mcmnky: Harry Freakstorm: If you had the wife cremated, you can put it in the urn. It'll find its own way from there. If you buried her, don't leave at the cemetery. It'll just wander off.

I'm pissed the insensitive jerk didn't bury it with her. What is she supposed to do for eternity?


Manual labor.
 
2013-03-14 05:27:13 PM
On the 'B' Ark, you see, we have all the hairdressers, insurance salesmen, vibrator sanitizers, management consultants, advice columnists...
 
2013-03-14 05:30:32 PM
He didn't have nearly as much trouble selling off their second car, even though she always insisted he drives and let her ride shotgun...


i2.ytimg.com
 
2013-03-14 05:32:58 PM
As someone who has "re-gifted" a piece of "intimate glassware" (damn expensive too), all I have to say is:

heh.
 
2013-03-14 05:37:07 PM

This space intentionally left blank.: fat boy: 4 When she finds it, say "I could've swore that was buried with her"

"with" her, or "in" her?


Of course, it's company policy never to imply location in the event of a vibrator.
 
2013-03-14 05:39:32 PM
Certainly do NOT give it to your new lady, as it is most likely cursed.
 
2013-03-14 05:41:17 PM

Ebenator: Certainly do NOT give it to your new lady, as it is most likely cursed.


content6.flixster.com
 
2013-03-14 05:46:00 PM
Donate it to an inner city program for disadvantaged youths. If girls dont need to have sex, they cant get teen pregnant.
 
2013-03-14 05:47:37 PM

Nana's Vibrator: Your husband wasn't a virgin when you met him, yet there you are, all sticking his woowoo into your hooha.  And he's a disgusting slob.  Most vibrators are dishwasher safe and don't backhand your cheekbone for burning the pasta for the third time this week.  This is a no-brainer.  If the ungrateful little slores in your immediate family can't appreciate a gift AND a compliment, just leave it at a bus stop.  It'll find a ride home.


Burning the pasta?
 
2013-03-14 05:48:51 PM

stuff: You need to steer into the skid.  While marketing a used sex toy may have a tiny market, a "death vibrator" could bring top dollar from the right buyer.  Just let on that the last user died in the throes of passion to this toy.  This should provide sufficient mythos to intrigue your perspective buyers.  Some crazy net denizen will pay highly to take on such a legendary challenge. Knowing that none of its previous users have survived the experience will provide that sense of danger and risk that they are secretly craving.


I happen to have an opening in the annuity sales department and feel you might just be the go getter we are looking for . Please forward your resume ASAP.
 
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