Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Slate)   Dear Prudence, Is it creepy to offer my dead wife's vibrator to someone else? And if so what else can I do with it?   (slate.com ) divider line
    More: Strange, Emily Yoffe, couples therapy  
•       •       •

15867 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Mar 2013 at 3:39 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



201 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2013-03-14 03:59:04 PM  
Dear Oscillating,

I am very sorry to hear of your wife's passing. On the matter of which you wrote about - have you considered that your daughter might like to have it as an heirloom?
A child losing a parent can be a devastating experience and having some connection, even in the way of a used vibrator, would bring her much comfort, I'm sure.
Mention it to her tomorrow. And remember not to wash it before giving it to her. The scent of a woman, a mother, is a precious essence and should be allowed to linger in the hearts and minds of all who smell its fragrance.

Prudence.
 
2013-03-14 03:59:10 PM  
Or just give her on of these RAZORMAXX from Fark's featured 'no comments' allowed partners.

s3-ec.buzzfed.com
 
2013-03-14 03:59:40 PM  
Hollow it out, use shell to build amateur rocket. Attempt space shot.
 
2013-03-14 03:59:52 PM  

devilEther: I make a grown woman cry, I make a dead woman come


Is that from an earlier version of "Bad to the Bone"?
 
2013-03-14 04:00:03 PM  
Bury it with her.

In ancient times, people believed that weapons and tools were so personal they could not be used by another person, so they buried them with the owner or destroyed them. Vibrators fall into this class of objects.

Of course, if you are too embarrassed to arrange for these personal objects to be buried with your loved ones, you can always sneak into the graveyard later with the vibrator and a shovel. Make sure you get the right grave. Perhaps a very bright flashlight is a good idea. Perhaps not.

Actually the storage rooms of museums the world over are full of dildeaux which are labelled "cult objects" to avoid embarrassing archaeologists.


Personally, I would opt for cremation, but it seems to have some of the same risks and inconveniences of burial.

P.S. If you hear strange noises in a graveyard, don't be surprised. Some of those vibrators may be accidentally turned on unless the batteries are removed before burial.
 
2013-03-14 04:00:03 PM  
Hang onto it.

The new ones have the weirdest DRM and have to be online all the time.
 
2013-03-14 04:01:00 PM  
Read the next question and answer in the column. It's lol-worthy at the end, I promise.

Go ahead, do it.
 
2013-03-14 04:01:11 PM  
Some guy out there will buy a new vibrator for his woman to try, but the gift will be refused due to this story.
 
2013-03-14 04:01:51 PM  

hdhale: 1. Remove the batteries.
2. If batteries are still useable, put them in another device that needs them.  If not, dispose of them properly.
3. Douse the toy with a liberal amount of lighter fluid.
4. Viking funeral.

/done


I'd just take the vibrator to work and boldly use it to stir my cup of coffee in the break room. When people start looking all horrified, just hold up one of the pathetic wooden stirring straws and be like "you expect me to use things?"
 
2013-03-14 04:01:58 PM  
Make a bong out of it.
 
2013-03-14 04:02:07 PM  

naz-drala: I like the second question and answer even better then the first.


That was particularly awesome.
 
2013-03-14 04:04:11 PM  

farkingismybusiness: Make a bong out of it.


Oh, come on... why would the guy suck on one of those things when there are more lifelike models out there to wrap his lips around?
 
2013-03-14 04:04:56 PM  
We don't encourage girls enough in engineering. Give it to Alexis.
www.kaboodle.com
 
2013-03-14 04:05:44 PM  
Just don't tell her it's your ex-wife's.  Tell her you just bought it for her.  Problem solved.
 
2013-03-14 04:06:17 PM  
Your husband wasn't a virgin when you met him, yet there you are, all sticking his woowoo into your hooha.  And he's a disgusting slob.  Most vibrators are dishwasher safe and don't backhand your cheekbone for burning the pasta for the third time this week.  This is a no-brainer.  If the ungrateful little slores in your immediate family can't appreciate a gift AND a compliment, just leave it at a bus stop.  It'll find a ride home.
 
2013-03-14 04:07:55 PM  
Depends. Was the wife hot?
 
2013-03-14 04:10:21 PM  
"Since you must be incredibly sexually frustrated, I know a place where you get a fancy Jopen vibrator, cheap."

Hilarious .
 
2013-03-14 04:11:12 PM  
Shove it.
 
2013-03-14 04:12:46 PM  
I love how Prudie offers to hook up the lady in the sexless marriage with the vibrator from the previous letter, lol.
 
2013-03-14 04:13:06 PM  
This is how you troll not only the advice columnist, but her readers.
 
2013-03-14 04:13:14 PM  
I loved the answer to the second question also.
 
2013-03-14 04:14:10 PM  
Are her juices still on there?
 
2013-03-14 04:17:52 PM  
Is that what killed her? If so, not really.
 
2013-03-14 04:18:25 PM  

kvinesknows: How is this any different then your new girlfriend getting to use your penis after your wife died?


Sex toys don't normally shed skin cells like humans do.
 
2013-03-14 04:20:01 PM  

FARK rebel soldier: We don't encourage girls enough in engineering. Give it to Alexis.
[www.kaboodle.com image 300x261]


ALEXISSSOOGOD
 
2013-03-14 04:21:24 PM  
Just because she's dead doesn't mean she should stop using it.

Use an adapter kit to have it run on AC. Position it in her flower in her casket... make sure when burying her to leave the plug unburied.

If using a vibrator on a dead woman in a casket seems a little sick... bring the dead wife into bed with you and your wife and enjoy her together.
 
2013-03-14 04:22:14 PM  
I can think of five Farkettes who would gladly take it, three of whom would tell us all about how it worked just to get a free month's TF.
 
2013-03-14 04:22:43 PM  
Give it to the new girlfriend and tell her where it is from. If she leaves you, and leaves it behind, then find a new girlfriend and repeat until you either find a girlfriend who properly respects your investment, or the girlfriend leaves with the vibrator -- or destroys it. Either way, you'll either have the proper girlfriend for your investment or the vibrator will no longer be your problem. It's just a matter of trying a large enough number of girlfriends until the problem resolves itself.

Or you wrap sanding paper around the vibrator and put it in your own toolbox, for when you need to sand something.
 
2013-03-14 04:24:44 PM  
Paperweight.
 
2013-03-14 04:25:47 PM  
Paint a jersey on it and throw it on an electric football field, it will be UNSTOPPABLE!
 
2013-03-14 04:26:25 PM  
When my father died I was cleaning out his closet and in this shoe box was a vibrator and cleansing get (I guess).   My parents had been divorced for 25 years and he lived alone.   I'm hoping it was for the widow two houses down.  But eww!

Threadjack - I recently went to a Good will, yes Good will and this elderly woman in front of me was purchasing two multipacks of KY jelly.  She turned to me and said 'these aren't for me".   I just smiled.

/I think it was for a nursing home that she volunteered at.  I guess KY has other uses.  Or not?
 
2013-03-14 04:26:40 PM  
Should of buried it with her. Now it will probably turn on by itself late at night and buzz across the floor.
 
2013-03-14 04:26:58 PM  

CleanAndPure: Just because she's dead doesn't mean she should stop using it.

Use an adapter kit to have it run on AC. Position it in her flower in her casket... make sure when burying her to leave the plug unburied.

If using a vibrator on a dead woman in a casket seems a little sick... bring the dead wife into bed with you and your wife and enjoy her together.


O_o
/your username + that statement =brainsplosion
 
2013-03-14 04:28:55 PM  

brap: Paint a jersey on it and throw it on an electric football field, it will be UNSTOPPABLE!


Awesome.
 
2013-03-14 04:29:07 PM  
1.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.comDIY Sonicare. Duh.
 
2013-03-14 04:30:19 PM  
Two words:  Secret Santa
 
2013-03-14 04:30:24 PM  
My serious advice:

The 3 options are

1 Throw it out and suggest shopping for sex toys together, online or in person. On the negative side it is more expensive, on the positive it can often prove a turn on and you will be able to gauge her kinkiness by what she shows interest in.

2 Clean it thoroughly and bring it out one night saying "I've got something new for us to try" Technically it is new to your sex life. On the plus side you get more use from an expensive piece of equipment, on the negative if she asks detailed questions you either have to fess up or risk a lie, either is kinda dangerous.

3 put it someplace she is likely to discover like a bedside table and when she does so let her decide it's fate. Some people are creeped out by sex toys that have been used by others, some are not.
 
2013-03-14 04:31:12 PM  
IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING, SET IT FREE.

IF IT COMES BACK TO YOU, IT IS YOURS FOREVER.

IF IT DOES NOT, IT WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE.
 
2013-03-14 04:31:33 PM  

Killer Cars: work-related Secret Santa deal.


o, hai!
 
2013-03-14 04:32:17 PM  

shifty lookin bleeder: Two words:  Secret Santa


Secretion Santa.
 
2013-03-14 04:32:22 PM  
Well, I work in the dead vibrating dildo induastry, so I am really getting a "buzz" out of these replies. . . . .
 
HBK
2013-03-14 04:33:08 PM  
Pick a random address off of google maps. Get drunk and mail it from a post box far from your house. Include a note that says "this was my dead wife's vibrator."

Laugh to yourself everytime you think of the confused recipient.
 
2013-03-14 04:36:12 PM  
Re-purpose it. Tear it down, pull out the motor, and use it to power your new sex robot.
 
2013-03-14 04:36:17 PM  
NightOwl2255


Is there a market for used sex toys?

I run a small business that sells used, uncleaned toys from vending machines in Japan. So the answer is yes.
 
2013-03-14 04:36:42 PM  
You need to steer into the skid.  While marketing a used sex toy may have a tiny market, a "death vibrator" could bring top dollar from the right buyer.  Just let on that the last user died in the throes of passion to this toy.  This should provide sufficient mythos to intrigue your perspective buyers.  Some crazy net denizen will pay highly to take on such a legendary challenge. Knowing that none of its previous users have survived the experience will provide that sense of danger and risk that they are secretly craving.
 
2013-03-14 04:38:22 PM  
Yes
 
2013-03-14 04:39:14 PM  
`That which once seemed fixed and immutable has been, sadly, found to be, ultimately, merely detachable'

Widowed Rubber Husband seeking a new and labile position.
Will submit to whatever brand of battery is desired.
 
2013-03-14 04:39:39 PM  

wildcardjack: Your dead wife's vibrator would, by now, be an outdated model.


So, Antiques Roadshow?
 
2013-03-14 04:39:59 PM  
farking, EW!
 
2013-03-14 04:41:06 PM  

Random Anonymous Blackmail: NightOwl2255


Is there a market for used sex toys?

I run a small business that sells used, uncleaned toys from vending machines in Japan. So the answer is yes.


That's disgusting! Just nasty. Do you have a web site. So I could...um...complain about how nasty that is?
 
Displayed 50 of 201 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | » | Newest | Show all


View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter








In Other Media
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report