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(Slate)   Dear Prudence, Is it creepy to offer my dead wife's vibrator to someone else? And if so what else can I do with it?   (slate.com) divider line 201
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15839 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Mar 2013 at 3:39 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-14 03:38:48 PM  
Gentle Reader,

Be sure to clean it thoroughly and undo any modifications your late wife may have installed. While the departed could plan accordingly for an 11 horsepower motor and Sawz-All fitting attachment, your new loving bride may not be so prepared. Best of all fortune to your matrimony.

Prudence
 
2013-03-14 03:40:48 PM  
Kwame?
 
2013-03-14 03:41:12 PM  

ongbok: Kwame?


Seriously.
 
ecl
2013-03-14 03:43:53 PM  
Dear f*ckhead,

Stick it in your ear.

Prudence
 
2013-03-14 03:44:04 PM  
what NOT to do with it:

stick it up your butt.

/unless you plan to tweet about it at the hospital
 
2013-03-14 03:44:08 PM  
Give it to Trey Parker, he'll lick it.
 
2013-03-14 03:44:12 PM  
You I troll.
 
2013-03-14 03:44:45 PM  

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: Gentle Reader,

Be sure to clean it thoroughly and undo any modifications your late wife may have installed. While the departed could plan accordingly for an 11 horsepower motor and Sawz-All fitting attachment, your new loving bride may not be so prepared. Best of all fortune to your matrimony.

Prudence


Right, a fetish group might like it, as a donation, but don't tell them where it came from.
If it's gold titanium plated, maybe recycle for some quick cash.
And of course there is the option of using it on yourself.  Hard, fast, and without regard for safety.
 
2013-03-14 03:44:48 PM  
The perfect opportunity to combine electric football and a Ouija board. Let your dead wife decide while giving you insider tips on how badly the Browns will lose.
 
2013-03-14 03:45:03 PM  

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: Gentle Reader,

Be sure to clean it thoroughly and undo any modifications your late wife may have installed. While the departed could plan accordingly for an 11 horsepower motor and Sawz-All fitting attachment, your new loving bride may not be so prepared. Best of all fortune to your matrimony.

Prudence


don't forget to reset it to factory settings.
www.demandstudiossucks.com
 
2013-03-14 03:45:07 PM  
Withhold not good from those to whom it is due, when it is in the power of thine hand to do in.
 
2013-03-14 03:46:03 PM  
Throw it out. Buy a new one. God bless the consumer culture.

Let it go, because man, they're gone.
 
2013-03-14 03:46:09 PM  
If you had the wife cremated, you can put it in the urn. It'll find its own way from there. If you buried her, don't leave at the cemetery. It'll just wander off.
 
2013-03-14 03:46:20 PM  
She finds the solution to this issue in the second question.
 
2013-03-14 03:46:56 PM  
Consult your clergyman. Make sure the vibrator is blessed and everything should be just fine...just fine
 
2013-03-14 03:47:01 PM  
My God.

Throw.

It.

Out.
 
2013-03-14 03:47:26 PM  
Take up resin casting and vibrate the mold to get rid of air bubbles.
 
2013-03-14 03:47:43 PM  

Nana's Vibrator: Withhold not good from those to whom it is due, when it is in the power of thine hand to do in.


Its so weird that you're even on this thread, I just shudder. Then I LOL'd.

No vibrator, no matter how expensive (I know what Jopen is, no need to help me understand!), its still not worth enough to recycle!
 
2013-03-14 03:48:52 PM  
I like how he has addressed the question of whether the vibrator caused her death without that question being asked. As if he's already had this conversation with other people and he's just surfing for someone's approval to give it to his new girlfriend.
 
2013-03-14 03:49:40 PM  

LibertyHiller: My God.

Throw.

It.

Out.


When my dad remarried, stepmom didn't even want him to keep the house.
 
2013-03-14 03:50:10 PM  
Dear reader,

Your dead wife's vibrator would, by now, be an outdated model. You'll be surprised at the new market for knobs and ribs and gyrating features with flashing lights and MP3 compatible music players. It would be a bonding experience to go out as a couple and buy a new vibrator together. But and don't cheap out, this might be a more important purchase than anything you'll get at the jeweler's.
 
2013-03-14 03:50:40 PM  
Thats why we got trash can. Try to use it more often.
 
2013-03-14 03:50:51 PM  
How is this any different then your new girlfriend getting to use your penis after your wife died?
 
2013-03-14 03:51:48 PM  
I make a grown woman cry, I make a dead woman come
 
2013-03-14 03:52:09 PM  
There's the rub: you don't actually want to have that conversation.

So then clean it and don't tell her it's used.  Holy fark is this really that difficult?
 
2013-03-14 03:52:45 PM  

lennavan: There's the rub: you don't actually want to have that conversation.

So then clean it and don't tell her it's used.  Holy fark is this really that difficult?


this,
 
2013-03-14 03:53:04 PM  

lennavan: There's the rub: you don't actually want to have that conversation.

So then clean it and don't tell her it's used.  Holy fark is this really that difficult?


Difficulty? Corn stains.
 
2013-03-14 03:53:15 PM  
Give it to homeless people. They need robotic loving too.
 
2013-03-14 03:53:36 PM  

kvinesknows: How is this any different then your new girlfriend getting to use your penis after your wife died?


Well now, you've got a point there.
 
2013-03-14 03:53:45 PM  

kvinesknows: How is this any different then your new girlfriend getting to use your penis after your wife died?


Would it matter if she did die while having sex with him?
 
2013-03-14 03:54:05 PM  

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: Gentle Reader,

Be sure to clean it thoroughly and undo any modifications your late wife may have installed. While the departed could plan accordingly for an 11 horsepower motor and Sawz-All fitting attachment, your new loving bride may not be so prepared. Best of all fortune to your matrimony.

Prudence


OOOH! A farkzAll. Yes, built one once, very popular. Now, if the deceased's toy was a Hitachi Magic Wand, your new Ladyfriend will be more than happy to have it, cleaned or otherwise. And especially so if it was a Sybian.
 
ecl
2013-03-14 03:54:05 PM  

dv-ous: LibertyHiller: My God.

Throw.

It.

Out.

When my dad remarried, stepmom didn't even want him to keep the house.


See...  you keep the Bildo the Dildo and throw away the house.
 
2013-03-14 03:54:18 PM  
There are some things that should just not be hand-me-downs. Like vibrators.

CSB time...

One Christmas Eve, we were driving through Tampa on the way to the in-laws house for
the holiday and we passed the big XXX emporium - any Farkers from Tampa know the one
I mean - and there was a sign out front:

SALE!
USED XXX VIDEOS AND TOYS

Now I'm sure they meant (at least I hope to God they meant) that they had videos and toys
on sale but only the videos were used, but that's not how it came across. My husband and I
just looked at one another and went "Ewwwwwww".
 
2013-03-14 03:54:31 PM  
For a second, I thought this was a TFD thread that got loose. Then I realized that it was just a TFer in the wild.
 
2013-03-14 03:54:34 PM  
Moral disgust is amusing.

Also, how about putting in the local Salvation Army bin? Poor people need (mechanically enhanced self-)love, too.
 
2013-03-14 03:54:41 PM  

devilEther: I make a grown woman cry, I make a dead woman come


Well then we should start you up, shouldn't we.
 
2013-03-14 03:54:58 PM  
Oh HELL no!!

/God, what a weirdo
 
2013-03-14 03:55:20 PM  

Theaetetus: Give it to homeless people. They need robotic loving too.


Dammit.
 
2013-03-14 03:55:21 PM  
Give it to the Catholics.
 
2013-03-14 03:55:48 PM  
Dear Reader:

Generally the best thing you can do is to give the item away.  Perhaps a sign in your driveway saying "Dead Wife's Vibrator -- FREE!".  The vibrator itself can be placed on the ground in front of the sign.  I am certain that that will attract attention.

-- Prudence
 
2013-03-14 03:56:02 PM  
I probably wouldn't give it to the new girlfriend, but, hey, a vibrator laying around is a great idea for re-gifting. Perhaps for a work-related Secret Santa deal.
 
2013-03-14 03:56:21 PM  
Even if the new woman doesn't want it, I'm sure he'll find some hole to stick it in.
 
2013-03-14 03:56:45 PM  
Burn it, or throw it in acid.
 
2013-03-14 03:56:48 PM  
Is there a market for used sex toys? Off to eBay to check. I wonder if the phrase "gently used" will be found.
 
2013-03-14 03:56:51 PM  
#1 - throw it out

#2 - give it a thorough cleaning and give it t9o the new subject. Just know that you can never speak of it to any living person. I know it's fine. you know it's fine. The vibrator will harm no one but no one wants to speak of, or think about your dead wife in this context.

To sum up, you already knew the answer to your stupid question before you asked it.
 
2013-03-14 03:57:12 PM  

Marquis de Sod: Consult your clergyman. Make sure the vibrator is blessed and everything should be just fine...just fine


Wash it in the holy water?
 
2013-03-14 03:57:15 PM  
Prudie's been trolled. I call bullshiat.
 
2013-03-14 03:57:41 PM  
Turn it on, throw it at a busy playground and run away.
 
2013-03-14 03:58:22 PM  
1. Remove the batteries.
2. If batteries are still useable, put them in another device that needs them.  If not, dispose of them properly.
3. Douse the toy with a liberal amount of lighter fluid.
4. Viking funeral.

/done
 
2013-03-14 03:58:40 PM  
I like the second question and answer even better then the first.
 
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