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(New York Magazine)   Facts about Pope Francis: #26 Everyone calls him Psycho. #27 He don't like anyone touching his stuff. #28 If any of you homos touch him, he'll kill you. (Note: #28 is real)   (nymag.com ) divider line
    More: Interesting, Pope Francis, Italian immigrants, gay adoption, free market capitalism, military dictatorship, Jesuits  
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22957 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Mar 2013 at 10:13 AM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-03-14 10:04:28 AM  
30 votes:
Pope Lando

When I die and (hopefully) go to Heaven, I want Pope Lando to say to me:


"You look absolutely beautiful. You truly belong here with us among the clouds"
2013-03-14 09:44:55 AM  
16 votes:

The_Sponge: FTFA:

4. He has taken the name Pope Francis. Not Francis I yet. "It will become Francis I after we have a Francis II," the Vatican said.) It's the first time a new pope has taken a name that hasn't already been used by a former pope since Pope Lando in 913.


I think we just found out which Pope had the coolest name.


a4.ec-images.myspacecdn.com
2013-03-14 10:23:27 AM  
15 votes:
He used to tango? With only one lung? Everybody knows it takes two to tango. He must be special.
2013-03-14 10:40:42 AM  
11 votes:

BalugaJoe: I want to learn more about Pope Lando.


I think he lost the Popemobile in a card game.
2013-03-14 03:18:52 AM  
10 votes:
FTFA:

4. He has taken the name Pope Francis. Not Francis I yet. "It will become Francis I after we have a Francis II," the Vatican said.) It's the first time a new pope has taken a name that hasn't already been used by a former pope since Pope Lando in 913.


I think we just found out which Pope had the coolest name.
2013-03-14 08:43:17 AM  
9 votes:
#29 Chicks dig him because he rarely wears underwear, and when he does it's usually something unusual.
2013-03-14 10:22:44 AM  
7 votes:

show me: The_Sponge: FTFA:

4. He has taken the name Pope Francis. Not Francis I yet. "It will become Francis I after we have a Francis II," the Vatican said.) It's the first time a new pope has taken a name that hasn't already been used by a former pope since Pope Lando in 913.


I think we just found out which Pope had the coolest name.

What about friggin' John Paul? Granted, both names had been used individually before, but not in combination.


nah if he'd gone all the way and added George Ringo we'd be talking
2013-03-14 10:22:33 AM  
6 votes:
He's a very humble man, from what I've been hearing.

Like, from every single news outlet throughout most of the afternoon and evening yesterday, every two minutes or so, over and over and over and over and over. . . .

There were also a lot of priests and Catholic Church scholars on TV remarking on how humble he is.

Chris Matthews said on his show last night that he has high hopes for this pope, because the guy's really humble.

Apparently, the new pope is a very humble man.
2013-03-14 12:03:34 PM  
5 votes:

markfara: He's a very humble man, from what I've been hearing.

Like, from every single news outlet throughout most of the afternoon and evening yesterday, every two minutes or so, over and over and over and over and over. . . .

There were also a lot of priests and Catholic Church scholars on TV remarking on how humble he is.

Chris Matthews said on his show last night that he has high hopes for this pope, because the guy's really humble.

Apparently, the new pope is a very humble man.


Yesterday when he appeared on the balcony I saw a spider web behind him that spelled out "SOME POPE".
2013-03-14 10:22:44 AM  
4 votes:
Is Pope touching a sport in the gay community?
2013-03-14 08:38:16 AM  
4 votes:
Yeah, I think its safe to say that we've moved toward embracing Pope "Lighten Up, Francis" and Pope Breakin' 2: "Electric Bergoglio."
2013-03-14 12:05:06 PM  
3 votes:

Renart: Yesterday when he appeared on the balcony I saw a spider web behind him that spelled out "SOME POPE".


That's TERRIFIC.
2013-03-14 11:33:20 AM  
3 votes:

The_Sponge: FTFA:

4. He has taken the name Pope Francis. Not Francis I yet. "It will become Francis I after we have a Francis II," the Vatican said.) It's the first time a new pope has taken a name that hasn't already been used by a former pope since Pope Lando in 913.


I think we just found out which Pope had the coolest name.


He is one smoove pope that works every time.
2013-03-14 11:17:12 AM  
3 votes:

The_Sponge: FTFA:

4. He has taken the name Pope Francis. Not Francis I yet. "It will become Francis I after we have a Francis II," the Vatican said.) It's the first time a new pope has taken a name that hasn't already been used by a former pope since Pope Lando in 913.


I think we just found out which Pope had the coolest name.


L: Lando System?
H: Lando is not a system, he's a pope.
2013-03-14 11:16:15 AM  
3 votes:
2013-03-14 10:33:44 AM  
3 votes:
Little known fact. He is NOT named after Francis of Assisi.

shop.tcm.com
2013-03-14 10:30:48 AM  
3 votes:

borg: stuhayes2010: A 76 year old with one lung, I guess we'll be seeing white smoke in the not too distant future.

He's had one lung for 50 years.


He's 76, so he's had one lung for 76 years.
2013-03-14 10:20:41 AM  
3 votes:
img.geocaching.com
2013-03-14 10:16:44 AM  
3 votes:
17. Refuses to grant interviews.

A Jesuit who refuses to talk? He must be the Anti-Christ!!1!
2013-03-14 09:17:52 AM  
3 votes:
Takes public transportation and lives in a modest home

what public transportation:
t2.gstatic.com
and a modest home
www.theglobalistreport.com
might look like
2013-03-14 12:07:57 PM  
2 votes:

The_Sponge: FTFA:

4. He has taken the name Pope Francis. Not Francis I yet. "It will become Francis I after we have a Francis II," the Vatican said.) It's the first time a new pope has taken a name that hasn't already been used by a former pope since Pope Lando in 913.


I think we just found out which Pope had the coolest name.


24.media.tumblr.com

He also had fantastic hair and a very loyal assistant.
2013-03-14 11:59:11 AM  
2 votes:

BalugaJoe: I want to learn more about Pope Lando.


www.i400calci.com
2013-03-14 10:44:05 AM  
2 votes:
His full Pope name was Lando Cahristening
2013-03-14 10:40:21 AM  
2 votes:
I'm still waiting for Pope Lance I, who with the help of his consort, Steve, will fabulously redecorate the Vatican to include dreamy pastels, ficus trees and tract lighting.
2013-03-14 10:40:08 AM  
2 votes:
I want to learn more about Pope Lando.
2013-03-14 10:34:39 AM  
2 votes:
12. Gave a speech in 2012 "accusing fellow church officials of hypocrisy for forgetting that Jesus Christ bathed lepers and ate with prostitutes."

Christianity would be a kickass religion if that was 'ate lepers and bathed with prostitutes'.
2013-03-14 10:29:10 AM  
2 votes:
What a Pope tango might look like

www.marblesthebrainstore.com
2013-03-14 10:26:44 AM  
2 votes:

taco flavored keeses: He used to tango? With only one lung? Everybody knows it takes two to tango. He must be special.


That joke is so frigging awful.  I mean that is probably the most horrid attempt at humor I've ever seen here.
Reported.
2013-03-14 10:23:21 AM  
2 votes:

Prank Monkey: I'm not sure why there is all this surprise/discussion about how he doesn't support gay marraige. Did people actually think the pope of the freakin Catholic church actually would? Really?


Could be worse.  He could be an ex-Nazi.
2013-03-14 09:40:09 AM  
2 votes:
Demanded that an art exhibit that "depicted images of Catholic saints, Jesus Christ and the Virgin Mary in a blender, an electric toaster and a frying pan, among other unconventional settings" be shut down, calling it "blasphemous."

So it's blasphemous when someone makes an art exhibit about it, but every time you see Jesus in a tortilla it's a miracle?
2013-03-14 06:57:24 AM  
2 votes:
francis asissy
2013-03-14 07:12:03 PM  
1 vote:

TheOther: 12. Gave a speech in 2012 "accusing fellow church officials of hypocrisy for forgetting that Jesus Christ bathed lepers and ate with prostitutes."

Christianity would be a kickass religion if that was 'ate lepers and bathed with prostitutes'.


But what if she's a prostitute AND a leper?
2013-03-14 04:28:38 PM  
1 vote:
Any of you HO-mos questions my views on Gay Marriage....I'll excommunicate ya.
2013-03-14 03:46:48 PM  
1 vote:

Gordon Bennett: Waffle SS


You vill yoos maple syrrrrup! VASS IS DAS? MARGARINE?!?! VEE ONLY YOOS BUTTER HERE, UNTERMENTSCH!
2013-03-14 02:30:21 PM  
1 vote:
From what I heard he had _1_lobe_ removed from his lungs.
Human left lung has 2 lobes, and the right lung has 3 lobes.
So he'd still have approximately 80% lung function.

/I'm no papalatrician, but I play one on the internet...
2013-03-14 02:26:45 PM  
1 vote:

Ohlookabutterfly: Its fake outrage. He is just another brainwashed fool that thinks even if he doesn't believe homosexuality is normal he has to at least appear to agree with the overly vocal politically correct minority lest he be ridiculed by strangers on the internet and called horrible overused names like homophobe or intolerant.


Oh, look, a dumbshiat.
2013-03-14 12:46:18 PM  
1 vote:
Severe homophobia?  Guess he's also a closet-gay pope. Good for him.
2013-03-14 12:12:59 PM  
1 vote:
FTFA: Used to tango with his girlfriend before he "discovered [his] religious vocation.

There's probably some poor Argentinian guy getting nagged tonight: "I could have danced away with Jorge instead and been Mrs. Pope instead of being married to a thieving options trader."
2013-03-14 11:49:45 AM  
1 vote:

LordOfThePings: borg: stuhayes2010: A 76 year old with one lung, I guess we'll be seeing white smoke in the not too distant future.

He's had one lung for 50 years.

He's 76, so he's had one lung for 76 years.


We weren't talking about HIS lung.
2013-03-14 11:48:24 AM  
1 vote:

Da miracles uf da new Pope.

#29: He once cured a ham.
#30: He made a lame man blind.
#31: He walked underwater!

2013-03-14 11:46:55 AM  
1 vote:

borg: stuhayes2010: A 76 year old with one lung, I guess we'll be seeing white smoke in the not too distant future.

He's had one lung for 50 years.


So he's 76, had a lung removed in his childhood, but was operating on no lungs at all until he was 26 at which point he had a single lung installed?
2013-03-14 11:43:24 AM  
1 vote:

bdub77: The_Sponge: FTFA:

4. He has taken the name Pope Francis. Not Francis I yet. "It will become Francis I after we have a Francis II," the Vatican said.) It's the first time a new pope has taken a name that hasn't already been used by a former pope since Pope Lando in 913.


I think we just found out which Pope had the coolest name.

[a4.ec-images.myspacecdn.com image 170x170]



You know why Christians should pray to pope Lando when they ask for anything?

well, because when they pray to pope Lando...

bfcgroup.com
2013-03-14 11:40:11 AM  
1 vote:

show me: What about friggin' John Paul?


You mean, pope john paul george ringo?

/let it be.
2013-03-14 11:38:54 AM  
1 vote:
There was a Pope Lando?  Like Pope Lando Calrician?  He was the most awesome Pope ever!!!
2013-03-14 11:37:27 AM  
1 vote:

I_C_Weener: stuhayes2010: A 76 year old with one lung, I guess we'll be seeing white smoke in the not too distant future.

This.  I'm trying to figure out the logic here.  Last pope steps down because he got too old for the job...at age 85.  So, they go with a younger one who is healthy, right?


If that's the case then it's not too late to launch my own bid to become the next pope.

WHY YOU SHOULD VOTE FOR POPE GORDON

As pope, I will institute the folllowing changes:
To the Church:

- There will no longer be any problem with being gay or same-sex marriage.
- Premarital sex will be permitted provided that contraception is used.
- Clergy will no longer be required to be celibate. But if we catch any of them touching kids they'll be handed over to the civil authorities straight away along with all of the evidence we have against them.
- Communion wafers will be available in a variety of delicious flavours.

To the office of the Pope itself:

- The Popemobile will be thoroughly pimped out. Hydraulics will be installed.
- The Pope will no longer wear a dress. The pope will wear a custom-tailored zoot suit and dark sunglasses.
- Just to be sure about the clergy no longer being celibate. The Pope will no longer be celibate.
- A wide assortment of merchandise will be sold with all proceeds going to charity. Buy your Pope Gordon action figure today!
2013-03-14 11:16:36 AM  
1 vote:

vernonFL: Pope Lando

When I die and (hopefully) go to Heaven, I want Pope Lando to say to me:


"You look absolutely beautiful. You truly belong here with us among the clouds"



*Applause*
2013-03-14 11:07:20 AM  
1 vote:
Why is it a big deal that he used to tango with his girlfriend anyhow?  As opposed to what... tangoing by himself?  I think we're all very clear on the number of people required to tango.
2013-03-14 10:58:37 AM  
1 vote:

stampylives: busy chillin': one lung and 76. Nice.

And God said unto the Pope "I would rather my children be sad and lonely in the care of orphanage then in a loving home with two dads or moms. And so it was."


Imam so over religion.

i see what you did there.


I didn't even see what I did there, so I googled it....that was seriously a typo...crazy how that worked out though.
2013-03-14 10:57:11 AM  
1 vote:

Mercutio74: BalugaJoe: I want to learn more about Pope Lando.

I think he lost the Popemobile in a card game.


But after one of his Conclave was kidnapped by Jabra the Hut(-dweller), he shows up in the Popemobile wearing the cardinal's clothes.

// it's a weird scene, man
2013-03-14 10:51:56 AM  
1 vote:

BalugaJoe: I want to learn more about Pope Lando.

i25.photobucket.com
2013-03-14 10:50:51 AM  
1 vote:
img259.imageshack.us
2013-03-14 10:49:31 AM  
1 vote:
Next pope will be Pope McLovin. Now that's cool!
2013-03-14 10:49:22 AM  
1 vote:
You cannot be an homophobe if you like the dance of Uruguay.
2013-03-14 10:47:49 AM  
1 vote:

Jon iz teh kewl: francis asissy


Actually, he didn't take the Francis from asisi, he took it from xavier.

No pope will ever be the Francis asisi, he was too jesus like, and required poverty.

Xavier started an inquisition in india. Much more popey
2013-03-14 10:38:52 AM  
1 vote:

karnal: I read he likes to suck the filling out of the jelly donuts, puts them back and then sits back and waits for someone to grab one.   And then he laughs........and laughs


...and then turns it into a parable about expecting a reward for doing nothing.

/now THAT'S poping.
2013-03-14 10:38:47 AM  
1 vote:

nekom: Had a lung removed as a child?  That's pretty odd in itself.  That's usually associated with an older person either in the coal mining industry, asbestos or heavy smoker.  Must have been one doozy of an infection if it prompted them to remove a lung from a child.


They had to make room for the upgrade to his Cultural Advancement Denial subsystems.
2013-03-14 10:37:27 AM  
1 vote:
I read he likes to suck the filling out of the jelly donuts, puts them back and then sits back and waits for someone to grab one.   And then he laughs........and laughs
2013-03-14 10:36:08 AM  
1 vote:

Jaws75: I'm not surprised that the new pope is a homophobe. What I've noticed, though, is how many articles are praising this guy as an advocate for the poor and, as number 14 in this article mentions, that he lived modestly and took public transportation while ignoring the fact that he had his own vacation home while he was in Agentina. How many people boast about being sincere advocates for the poor because the "live modestly" and yet at the same time have vacation homes?


Well, they've got to say something positive about a new pope.  You can't simply say, "Yeah, this picked this guy because he played the political game the best". They had an even harder time with the last dude, as I recall they best thing they could say about him was that he had a conservative viewpoint on Catholicism and then they'd make up something beneficial that a conservative pope might do for the sect.  Of course, they didn't realize at the time that he was instrumental in protecting child diddlers which is probably a contributing factor to him emeritiring.

/Yup, I made up the word "emeritiring"
2013-03-14 10:33:31 AM  
1 vote:

Phoenix_M: Prank Monkey: I'm not sure why there is all this surprise/discussion about how he doesn't support gay marraige. Did people actually think the pope of the freakin Catholic church actually would? Really?

I worked for the Jesuits for 15 years. It's the Gay wing of the Catholic church and they all about education and science.


Yep. In fact the new Pope has a degree in Chemistry. While he is on the Right side of the Jesuit movement, he is to the left of the existing power structure. I am actually quite surprised he was elected. He must know where a lot of sodomized alter boys are buried.
2013-03-14 10:33:20 AM  
1 vote:

I_C_Weener: Could be worse. He could be an ex-Nazi.


And suddenly the reason they picked an Argentinian becomes clear.
2013-03-14 10:30:47 AM  
1 vote:

Mercutio74: stuhayes2010: A 76 year old with one lung, I guess we'll be seeing white smoke in the not too distant future.

Although interestingly the other lung was removed when he was a kid, and it makes me wonder if his body was able to increase the efficiency and/or size of the existing lung as he grew into an adult.  I think if he had his lung removed a couple of years ago, he'd probably already be dead.


There is more room for Jesus
2013-03-14 10:29:35 AM  
1 vote:
"accusing fellow church officials of hypocrisy for forgetting that Jesus Christ bathed lepers and ate with prostitutes."

damn, and all this time i thought he bathed with prostitutes and ate lepers...
2013-03-14 10:28:19 AM  
1 vote:
Nevermind all the unimportant stuff. Does the Pope smoke dope ?
2013-03-14 10:27:45 AM  
1 vote:

vernonFL: Pope Lando

When I die and (hopefully) go to Heaven, I want Pope Lando to say to me:


"You look absolutely beautiful. You truly belong here with us among the clouds"


You will reply, "You old smoothie"
2013-03-14 10:26:39 AM  
1 vote:
one lung and 76. Nice.

And God said unto the Pope "I would rather my children be sad and lonely in the care of orphanage then in a loving home with two dads or moms. And so it was."


I'm am so over religion.
2013-03-14 10:24:35 AM  
1 vote:

The_Sponge: FTFA:

4. He has taken the name Pope Francis. Not Francis I yet. "It will become Francis I after we have a Francis II," the Vatican said.) It's the first time a new pope has taken a name that hasn't already been used by a former pope since Pope Lando in 913.


I think we just found out which Pope had the coolest name.


Nope.

i171.photobucket.com
2013-03-14 10:24:21 AM  
1 vote:
A 76 year old with one lung, I guess we'll be seeing white smoke in the not too distant future.
2013-03-14 10:23:40 AM  
1 vote:

show me: What about friggin' John Paul? Granted, both names had been used individually before, but not in combination.


He was a huge Beatles fan. No one is denying that.
Xai
2013-03-14 10:21:33 AM  
1 vote:
Pope lando calrisian
2013-03-14 09:00:27 AM  
1 vote:

Rev. Skarekroe: nekom: Had a lung removed as a child?  That's pretty odd in itself.  That's usually associated with an older person either in the coal mining industry, asbestos or heavy smoker.  Must have been one doozy of an infection if it prompted them to remove a lung from a child.

He also used to tango a lot?  How do you tango with one lung?  You'd think intense physical activity would be pretty low on the list of things you can do.  But what do I know?


Well, that's miracle #1 then, right? So he only needs one more to become a saint. Or do they have to be posthumous miracles? My wife is vaguely Catholic but I admit I know little to nothing about it.
 
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