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(New York Magazine)   "I tried penis numbing spray, and it nearly ruined my sex life"   (nymag.com) divider line 91
    More: Obvious, interpersonal relationship, warning shot  
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13603 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Mar 2013 at 5:25 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



91 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-03-13 11:48:46 PM  
Drinking it won't help your gag reflex, Subby.
 
2013-03-13 11:56:58 PM  
Misapplied the shiat (10 sprays of lidocaine???) then wrote an article about how the product, not your inability to follow basic directions, nearly ruined your sex life?

I'm surprised you didn't write it to The Consumerist.
 
2013-03-14 12:03:13 AM  
You're doing it wrong
 
2013-03-14 12:09:06 AM  
There was a brand of condoms that put (don't know if its still available) a numbing agent inside the condom.

Word of advice- do NOT let that shiat get in your urethra. It HURTS LIKE HELL.
And no, I have no idea how it happened, it just did.
 
2013-03-14 12:28:52 AM  
Wanna prevent premature ejaculation?

Two tips:
1) Masturbate often
2) Bang uglier chicks
3) Don't be 14 years old
 
2013-03-14 12:33:06 AM  

bdub77: Wanna prevent premature ejaculation?

Two tips:
1) Masturbate often
2) Bang uglier chicks
3) Don't be 14 years old


I find imagining a semi-nude Ernest Borgnine making out with Tommy Lasorda works for me.
 
2013-03-14 12:43:59 AM  
... I put on my Campho-Phenique and jimmy hat ...
 
2013-03-14 01:05:05 AM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: You're doing it wrong


Dude, way to mix Slate with my Fark.
 
2013-03-14 01:35:15 AM  
After acquiring three vials of Promescent, I went out to drinks with a young woman with whom I'd been on a couple dates but had not yet slept with. I told Carolyn about my goal of numbing my penis and seeing how long I could "punish" a woman. With the eager nervousness of a premature ejaculator, I awaited her response.

yeah, I don't think it was the spray that ruined your sex life pal.
 
2013-03-14 01:53:05 AM  
In my day we used cocaine for that

/ and we  liked it
 
2013-03-14 02:14:09 AM  
After four minutes, my wrists began to tingle and feel flimsier than usual.

NTTAWWT
 
2013-03-14 04:01:11 AM  

Snotnose: In my day we used cocaine for that

/ and we  liked it


Totes.  Brings back memories of the night I met my ex-wife.
 
2013-03-14 04:04:29 AM  
Goddamit, if you're gonna bore me with a shaggy-dog tale like that, at least buy me a beer.
 
2013-03-14 04:27:52 AM  
Try the Mandalay cream.  It's wonderful.
 
2013-03-14 04:44:29 AM  
Still, when I heard of Promescent, it seemed too ridiculous a journalistic opportunity to pass up.

And that's where I stopped reading.
 
2013-03-14 05:28:16 AM  
cdn2.blogs.babble.com
 
2013-03-14 05:35:21 AM  
tl;dr

Did whoever wrote that get paid by the word?

How's this for some penis numbing/killing?

upload.wikimedia.org

/The voice will kill whatever is left of your once proud manhood
 
2013-03-14 05:35:29 AM  
several years of marriage ruined my sex life
 
2013-03-14 05:36:37 AM  
If you or a man you know is a quick draw and doesn't want to be, Promescent will probably help, but finding the correct dosage - something I never determined - is crucial.

The author uses the minimum 3 spritzes a few times and the maximum 10 spritzes a couple times and complains he can't figure out the correct number of times to spritz his junk. If only there were a bunch of numbers between 3 and 10 that he could gradually work through to figure out the right number...
 
2013-03-14 05:45:31 AM  
eh, where's the part where it ruined his sex life?

He tried it masturbating, and it was boring. Then he had sex with a woman and it wasn't that great. The end.

I thought he was going to end up in the hospital with a chronically numb dick the way he made it sound.

This is just like the Telsa article. I expect a strong rebuttal from the manufacturer taking him to task for not fully charging.
 
2013-03-14 05:52:40 AM  

Christian Bale: eh, where's the part where it ruined his sex life?

He tried it masturbating, and it was boring. Then he had sex with a woman and it wasn't that great. The end.

I thought he was going to end up in the hospital with a chronically numb dick the way he made it sound.

This is just like the Telsa article. I expect a strong rebuttal from the manufacturer taking him to task for not fully charging.


I felt like this article was a bait and switch. And I'm not being cute. I came for his sex life being ruined and ended up with him hooking up with a new girl.
 
2013-03-14 05:52:54 AM  
How to last in bed...
25.media.tumblr.com
Be romantic.
 
2013-03-14 05:54:02 AM  

Krymson Tyde: bdub77: Wanna prevent premature ejaculation?

Two tips:
1) Masturbate often
2) Bang uglier chicks
3) Don't be 14 years old

I find imagining a semi-nude Ernest Borgnine making out with Tommy Lasorda works for me.


I'm gay, so what works for me is imaginimg Margaret Thatcher in the nude. It works to keep me going a bit longer, but too much and I go limp.
 
2013-03-14 05:54:31 AM  

Acharne: and ended up with him hooking up with a new girl.


because I'm sure that really happened.
 
2013-03-14 05:57:02 AM  

maram500: Krymson Tyde: bdub77: Wanna prevent premature ejaculation?

Two tips:
1) Masturbate often
2) Bang uglier chicks
3) Don't be 14 years old

I find imagining a semi-nude Ernest Borgnine making out with Tommy Lasorda works for me.

I'm gay, so what works for me is imaginimg Margaret Thatcher in the nude. It works to keep me going a bit longer, but too much and I go limp.


1. I'm straight, and a nude Margret Thatcher works for me as well.

2. You just admitted that Ernest Borgnine and Tommy Lasorda making out is kinda hot to you.
 
2013-03-14 05:58:54 AM  
...users are "single guys who want to go out and be 'The Punisher.'"

Being 'punished' by some guy doing an impression of a pile-driver for hours is not exactly what I want in bed. Either I am odd or some men are rather misguided as to what women want, or maybe both.
 
m00
2013-03-14 06:09:55 AM  

Nidiot: or some men are rather misguided as to what women want


Some? howabout all.
 
2013-03-14 06:16:31 AM  
Ruined his sex life, but I bet it helped his partner's.
 
2013-03-14 06:18:41 AM  

Nidiot: ...users are "single guys who want to go out and be 'The Punisher.'"

Being 'punished' by some guy doing an impression of a pile-driver for hours is not exactly what I want in bed. Either I am odd or some men are rather misguided as to what women want, or maybe both.


Just wait until you get 360 pile drived. You'll change your tune. 
media.heavy.com
 
2013-03-14 06:22:52 AM  

Nidiot: ...users are "single guys who want to go out and be 'The Punisher.'"

Being 'punished' by some guy doing an impression of a pile-driver for hours is not exactly what I want in bed. Either I am odd or some men are rather misguided as to what women want, or maybe both.



media.eventhubs.com media.eventhubs.com media.eventhubs.com media.eventhubs.com media.eventhubs.com media.eventhubs.com media.eventhubs.com media.eventhubs.com (360 motion)

Doing anything for you?
 
S23
2013-03-14 06:23:26 AM  

SilentStrider: There was a brand of condoms that put (don't know if its still available) a numbing agent inside the condom.


Turn them inside out, and she'll sleep straight trough it.
 
2013-03-14 06:27:11 AM  

Nidiot: ...users are "single guys who want to go out and be 'The Punisher.'"

Being 'punished' by some guy doing an impression of a pile-driver for hours is not exactly what I want in bed. Either I am odd or some men are rather misguided as to what women want, or maybe both.


There's a major stigma from the media, television, female entertainers, and movies that says sex that doesn't last AT LEAST 30 minutes is considered a "quickie" or "under performed"...
Even TV sex scenes are set up like a montage that makes it look like the lovers were going on for HOURS even though the montage itself is rarely longer than 5 minutes.

Not trying to toot my own horn here, but typically if i last longer than an hour, the wifey starts complaining about pain and discomfort... Now to toot my own horn, i've become so familiar with my wife under the hood, that by the end of an hour we've lost count of her O's anyway...
 
2013-03-14 06:31:44 AM  

log_jammin: Acharne: and ended up with him hooking up with a new girl.

because I'm sure that really happened.


Possibly he's just leaving out that he thinks wanking is much, much better. But I doubt it. I just think he lost his way half paced after a half cocking of the spent opportunities, artificial or otherwise.
 
2013-03-14 06:49:00 AM  
what an awful article
 
2013-03-14 06:54:29 AM  
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com
 
2013-03-14 06:56:04 AM  
A man goes in to the doctor. The doctor begins to check him for prostate cancer, and asks him "do you want me to numb you up?". The patient says "yes please" and the doctor sticks his face in the guy's ass and goes "num num num."
 
2013-03-14 07:12:17 AM  
The next day, I decided to test Promescent on my own. I started by spritzing six quick squirts on each wrist and rubbing them together like I was applying perfume. It had a new car smell. The texture had a gummy feel, like an anti-lube. After four minutes, my wrists began to tingle and feel flimsier than usual. To test whether I'd lost any torque, I opened a pasta-sauce jar, which actually wasn't that difficult, so I wondered if the spray was a sham. There was only one way to find out, and I couldn't justify putting it off any longer: It was time to beat my (frozen) meat.

I hate when my wrists prematurely ejaculate.
 
2013-03-14 07:13:06 AM  
th06.deviantart.net
What the fark am I reading??
 
2013-03-14 07:14:29 AM  
Many moons ago, I decided to fap and a nap before going to a party where I know I would get some lovin'.
I used the aloe I had from a sunburn
it had lidocaine
woke from the nap in a panic

7/?/92
never forget
 
2013-03-14 07:18:29 AM  

Nidiot: ...users are "single guys who want to go out and be 'The Punisher.'"

Being 'punished' by some guy doing an impression of a pile-driver for hours is not exactly what I want in bed. Either I am odd or some men single young men who watch too much porn are rather misguided as to what women want, or maybe both.


FTFY

Once you're married, you figure out pretty quick that the only technique you need to remember is "gentle".

I swear to gawd, half the porn out there looks like rape scenes. Those women are in obvious pain from being slammed into.
 
2013-03-14 07:19:14 AM  
I read that as penis pumping at first and was wondering how that screwed things up.
 
2013-03-14 07:20:48 AM  
umm i can't imagine premature ejaculation being a problem for ANYONE.  sex is gay and is boring is fark
 
2013-03-14 07:22:23 AM  

log_jammin: After acquiring three vials of Promescent, I went out to drinks with a young woman with whom I'd been on a couple dates but had not yet slept with. I told Carolyn about my goal of numbing my penis and seeing how long I could "punish" a woman. With the eager nervousness of a premature ejaculator, I awaited her response.

yeah, I don't think it was the spray that ruined your sex life pal.


DNRTFA so thanks for the hearty chuckle. He sounds gay.

CeroX: Nidiot: ...users are "single guys who want to go out and be 'The Punisher.'"

Being 'punished' by some guy doing an impression of a pile-driver for hours is not exactly what I want in bed. Either I am odd or some men are rather misguided as to what women want, or maybe both.

There's a major stigma from the media, television, female entertainers, and movies that says sex that doesn't last AT LEAST 30 minutes is considered a "quickie" or "under performed"...
Even TV sex scenes are set up like a montage that makes it look like the lovers were going on for HOURS even though the montage itself is rarely longer than 5 minutes.

Not trying to toot my own horn here, but typically if i last longer than an hour, the wifey starts complaining about pain and discomfort... Now to toot my own horn, i've become so familiar with my wife under the hood, that by the end of an hour we've lost count of her O's anyway...


shut up
 
2013-03-14 07:25:09 AM  

maram500: Krymson Tyde: bdub77: Wanna prevent premature ejaculation?

Two tips:
1) Masturbate often
2) Bang uglier chicks
3) Don't be 14 years old

I find imagining a semi-nude Ernest Borgnine making out with Tommy Lasorda works for me.

I'm gay, so what works for me is imaginimg Margaret Thatcher in the nude. It works to keep me going a bit longer, but too much and I go limp.


Any of the 3 works for me
 
2013-03-14 07:26:10 AM  

HailRobonia: A man goes in to the doctor. The doctor begins to check him for prostate cancer, and asks him "do you want me to numb you up?". The patient says "yes please" and the doctor sticks his face in the guy's ass and goes "num num num."


This was a joke about breasts! You've ruined it! Bastard!
 
2013-03-14 07:27:06 AM  

AbbeySomeone: shut up


yes mistress...
 
2013-03-14 07:28:06 AM  

Basily Gourt: Nidiot: ...users are "single guys who want to go out and be 'The Punisher.'"

Being 'punished' by some guy doing an impression of a pile-driver for hours is not exactly what I want in bed. Either I am odd or some men single young men who watch too much porn are rather misguided as to what women want, or maybe both.

FTFY

Once you're married, you figure out pretty quick that the only technique you need to remember is "gentle".

I swear to gawd, half the porn out there looks like rape scenes. Those women are in obvious pain from being slammed into.


I'm sorry for your loss.
 
2013-03-14 07:28:44 AM  
Bernie's thought on orgasms.

graphics8.nytimes.com

"I got mine, you better get yours"
 
2013-03-14 07:32:31 AM  
After reading TFA, it's obvious what nearly ruined his sex life: Being himself. What a tool.
 
2013-03-14 08:13:01 AM  

Krymson Tyde: bdub77: Wanna prevent premature ejaculation?

Two tips:
1) Masturbate often
2) Bang uglier chicks
3) Don't be 14 years old

I find imagining a semi-nude Ernest Borgnine making out with Tommy Lasorda works for me.


I never understand people who say stuff like this. They think of someone ugly, or sports, or math. Doesn't that sort of ruin sex for you? I prefer to enjoy sex. "Holy crap, I'm having sex! This is great!"
 
2013-03-14 08:14:00 AM  

KrispyKritter: several years of marriage ruined my sex life


Yes we know.
 
2013-03-14 08:17:49 AM  

Nidiot: ...users are "single guys who want to go out and be 'The Punisher.'"

Being 'punished' by some guy doing an impression of a pile-driver for hours is not exactly what I want in bed. Either I am odd or some men are rather misguided as to what women want, or maybe both.


But, but, but... porn said that's what you're supposed to do!

Next you'll be telling me that not all women might appreciate a facial.
 
2013-03-14 08:19:13 AM  

RubberBabyBuggyBumpers: After reading TFA, it's obvious what nearly ruined his sex life: Being himself. What a tool.


I wish I was ten years younger, and single. The competition today is nowhere near what it was when I was younger. And the women are three times as slutty.

Thank you internet.
 
2013-03-14 08:22:08 AM  
LDM90:  Doesn't that sort of ruin sex for you? I prefer to enjoy sex. "Holy crap, I'm having sex! This is great!"

Some of us get it more than once a decade so no it doesn't ruin sex.
 
2013-03-14 08:23:11 AM  
He should have huffed it and gave up writing the silly article.
 
2013-03-14 08:24:35 AM  

AbbeySomeone: Not trying to toot my own horn here, but typically if i last longer than an hour, the wifey starts complaining about pain and discomfort... Now to toot my own horn, i've become so familiar with my wife under the hood, that by the end of an hour we've lost count of her O's anyway...

shut up


LULZ
 
2013-03-14 08:29:01 AM  

Snotnose: In my day we used cocaine for that

/ and we  liked it


Yeah, no shiat.  That's still the best way to have hours and hours of ridiculously pleasureful sex.
 
2013-03-14 08:29:44 AM  
That article was anti-climatic.
 
2013-03-14 08:33:24 AM  
Snotnose: In my day we used cocaine for that slammed our penis in a door!

/and we liked it.
 
2013-03-14 08:34:38 AM  

Snotnose: In my day we used cocaine for that

/ and we  liked it


yeah but then your dick ends up with a 5k a day coke habit.

/RIP Richard
 
2013-03-14 08:51:46 AM  

Krymson Tyde: bdub77: Wanna prevent premature ejaculation?

Two tips:
1) Masturbate often
2) Bang uglier chicks
3) Don't be 14 years old

I find imagining a semi-nude Ernest Borgnine making out with Tommy Lasorda works for me.


So when you're having sex with a woman, to enhance the experience you imagine a famous actor making out with a baseball player. And that works for you.

Got it.
 
2013-03-14 09:04:18 AM  

Tat'dGreaser: AbbeySomeone: Not trying to toot my own horn here, but typically if i last longer than an hour, the wifey starts complaining about pain and discomfort... Now to toot my own horn, i've become so familiar with my wife under the hood, that by the end of an hour we've lost count of her O's anyway...

shut up

LULZ


Hey, i was expecting some backlash... that was actually pretty funny...
 
2013-03-14 09:17:37 AM  

CeroX: Hey, i was expecting some backlash... that was actually pretty funny...


Oh it was hilarious
 
2013-03-14 09:22:08 AM  
I'm male, 35, in ok shape and on no medication and I frequently don't get mine. No matter the style, the duration or how good it feels. I just can't get into the end zone. Wow and does it hurt my gf's feelings, she is an absolute warrior in bed and when I don't "O" she wants to commit seppuku in shame.
 
2013-03-14 09:46:29 AM  

Tat'dGreaser: CeroX: Hey, i was expecting some backlash... that was actually pretty funny...

Oh it was hilarious


I have had her favorited for a reason for a long time... This is why...
 
2013-03-14 09:52:13 AM  

Space Station Wagon: I'm male, 35, in ok shape and on no medication and I frequently don't get mine. No matter the style, the duration or how good it feels. I just can't get into the end zone. Wow and does it hurt my gf's feelings, she is an absolute warrior in bed and when I don't "O" she wants to commit seppuku in shame.


the same happens to me.
The problem is, we are told men are like machine, that it should work every time you pull the lever.
 
2013-03-14 10:21:12 AM  

Basily Gourt: Nidiot: ...users are "single guys who want to go out and be 'The Punisher.'"

Being 'punished' by some guy doing an impression of a pile-driver for hours is not exactly what I want in bed. Either I am odd or some men single young men who watch too much porn are rather misguided as to what women want, or maybe both.

FTFY

Once you're married, you figure out pretty quick that the only technique you need to remember is "gentle".

I swear to gawd, half the porn out there looks like rape scenes. Those women are in obvious pain from being slammed into.


That might be an issue of the size of the boat mattering more than the motion of the ocean.
 
2013-03-14 11:33:14 AM  

Space Station Wagon: I'm male, 35, in ok shape and on no medication and I frequently don't get mine. No matter the style, the duration or how good it feels. I just can't get into the end zone. Wow and does it hurt my gf's feelings, she is an absolute warrior in bed and when I don't "O" she wants to commit seppuku in shame.


How often on average do you try?

I find my sensitivity and ease of completion is directly proportional to the length of time since the last one.  If I'm gone on business for a week, and don't take care of business the whole week, so to speak, I'll have no problem with twice at night and another in the morning.

Twice a day for a few days in a row, though, and I start to have trouble.

Also, if I'm too hot, temperature wise, it's a total killer.
 
2013-03-14 11:48:20 AM  

Theaetetus: Drinking it won't help your gag reflex, Subby.


winner winner sausage dinner
 
2013-03-14 12:05:40 PM  

Mose: Also, if I'm too hot, temperature wise, it's a total killer.


I get that too... Sex in the shower has always been a bust... I wonder what causes that...
 
2013-03-14 12:17:13 PM  

CeroX: Nidiot: ...users are "single guys who want to go out and be 'The Punisher.'"

Being 'punished' by some guy doing an impression of a pile-driver for hours is not exactly what I want in bed. Either I am odd or some men are rather misguided as to what women want, or maybe both.

There's a major stigma from the media, television, female entertainers, and movies that says sex that doesn't last AT LEAST 30 minutes is considered a "quickie" or "under performed"...


Maybe a little off-topic here, but the commercials for Viagra are kind of funny (to me at least) when they state that if you experience an erection lasting more than several hours, you should seek medical help. Maybe it's just me but, if I found myself in such a situation, I'd go for the gold (so to speak). Maybe the moran who wrote the article should consider Viagra plus his penis-numbing creme?
 
2013-03-14 12:27:27 PM  

log_jammin: maram500: Krymson Tyde: bdub77: Wanna prevent premature ejaculation?

Two tips:
1) Masturbate often
2) Bang uglier chicks
3) Don't be 14 years old

I find imagining a semi-nude Ernest Borgnine making out with Tommy Lasorda works for me.

I'm gay, so what works for me is imaginimg Margaret Thatcher in the nude. It works to keep me going a bit longer, but too much and I go limp.

1. I'm straight, and a nude Margret Thatcher works for me as well.

2. You just admitted that Ernest Borgnine and Tommy Lasorda making out is kinda hot to you.


Oh shi... Um, no not at all. Ernest Borgnine and Tommy Lasorda do nothing for me. It's just, if I keep thinking about two guys my thoughts will eventually turn to something actually sexy. But Iron Maggie? Nude? There's no way that could possibly get me off.
 
2013-03-14 12:45:17 PM  

Jon iz teh kewl: umm i can't imagine premature ejaculation being a problem for ANYONE.  sex is gay and is boring is fark


You know what is spooky? I read this comment and knew exactly who posted it even before I looked at your name.
 
2013-03-14 12:50:14 PM  

maram500: log_jammin: maram500: Krymson Tyde: bdub77: Wanna prevent premature ejaculation?

Two tips:
1) Masturbate often
2) Bang uglier chicks
3) Don't be 14 years old

I find imagining a semi-nude Ernest Borgnine making out with Tommy Lasorda works for me.

I'm gay, so what works for me is imaginimg Margaret Thatcher in the nude. It works to keep me going a bit longer, but too much and I go limp.

1. I'm straight, and a nude Margret Thatcher works for me as well.

2. You just admitted that Ernest Borgnine and Tommy Lasorda making out is kinda hot to you.

Oh shi... Um, no not at all. Ernest Borgnine and Tommy Lasorda do nothing for me. It's just, if I keep thinking about two guys my thoughts will eventually turn to something actually sexy. But Iron Maggie? Nude? There's no way that could possibly get me off.


I could see that... Ernest Borgnine transforms into Stringfellow Hawke... Tommy Lasorta turns into Matt Kemp... and then all the sudden it's:

4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-03-14 01:29:25 PM  

maram500: log_jammin: maram500: Krymson Tyde: bdub77: Wanna prevent premature ejaculation?

Two tips:
1) Masturbate often
2) Bang uglier chicks
3) Don't be 14 years old

I find imagining a semi-nude Ernest Borgnine making out with Tommy Lasorda works for me.

I'm gay, so what works for me is imaginimg Margaret Thatcher in the nude. It works to keep me going a bit longer, but too much and I go limp.

1. I'm straight, and a nude Margret Thatcher works for me as well.

2. You just admitted that Ernest Borgnine and Tommy Lasorda making out is kinda hot to you.

Oh shi... Um, no not at all. Ernest Borgnine and Tommy Lasorda do nothing for me. It's just, if I keep thinking about two guys my thoughts will eventually turn to something actually sexy. But Iron Maggie? Nude? There's no way that could possibly get me off.


You know, i do have a semi-serious question for you though... i say semi-serious because i ask this as more of a curiosity stemming from this article that you bring up...

I'm going to give you a perspective from a hetero point of view and maybe you can give me the gay man's perspective...

For a hetero man, premature ejac can be both embaressing and depressing because in today's world, it is commonly seen that women love to orgasm, and if a man can't bring a woman to orgasm, then there is something not connecting. With how romantic comedy situations, female stand up comedians, and the general ambiance coming from hollywood being that it's because the man is an under performer or "quick on the draw" and that it's a fault of sexual performance rather than say, there being a disconnect between the partners on an emotional level, or perhaps the woman is just stressed or whatever... anyway.... where i am going with this is, this product exists, from the hetero point of view, because men feel that performance and stamina in bed has to be the stuff of legends or it just isn't good sex...

Now, i admittedly have little knowledge regarding the emotional, mental, or intimate physical level of sex for gay men, and it's difficult for me to see it from any perspective other than hetero, so i will ask...

I'm assuming by your statements that your a Top or at least prefer the Top. But knowing that men are basically single shot with a long reload time, why would you want to last longer than say 10-15 minutes with your partner? Does it increase intensity of the O for both? Does lasting longer connect you to your partner on a deeper emotional level?
 
2013-03-14 02:59:15 PM  

m00: Nidiot: or some men are rather misguided as to what women want

Some? howabout all.


Hey, some of us actually care what the woman likes.... oh who am I kidding.  Even you women don't know what you like.

(take that as a joke, and not as a sexist thing, it's supposed to be funny)
 
2013-03-14 03:18:26 PM  

HailRobonia: A man goes in to the doctor. The doctor begins to check him for prostate cancer, and asks him "do you want me to numb you up?". The patient says "yes please" and the doctor sticks his face in the guy's ass and goes "num num num."


lol
 
2013-03-14 03:25:59 PM  
Alternate title: How my awkward personality and weird obsession with penis spray nearly scared away a girl who probably should have followed her initial instincts and left before it was too late
 
2013-03-14 03:37:32 PM  
Nearly swallow your tongue?
 
2013-03-14 03:37:53 PM  

Basily Gourt: Nidiot: ...users are "single guys who want to go out and be 'The Punisher.'"

Being 'punished' by some guy doing an impression of a pile-driver for hours is not exactly what I want in bed. Either I am odd or some men single young men who watch too much porn are rather misguided as to what women want, or maybe both.

FTFY

Once you're married, you figure out pretty quick that the only technique you need to remember is "gentle".

I swear to gawd, half the porn out there looks like rape scenes. Those women are in obvious pain from being slammed into.


No, no, no, they all love it. Because porn is practically a documentary. Nothing unrealistic about it at all.
 
2013-03-14 03:50:53 PM  

Kahabut: m00: Nidiot: or some men are rather misguided as to what women want

Some? howabout all.

Hey, some of us actually care what the woman likes.... oh who am I kidding.  Even you women don't know what you like.

(take that as a joke, and not as a sexist thing, it's supposed to be funny)


sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net
 
2013-03-14 03:51:32 PM  

DirkValentine: Snotnose: In my day we used cocaine for that

/ and we  liked it

Yeah, no shiat.  That's still the best way to have hours and hours of ridiculously pleasureful sex.


And cokefiends will do pretty much anything for another bump, which is a plus.
 
2013-03-14 04:27:16 PM  
Who told you to put the balm on?
24.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-03-14 05:38:56 PM  

Krymson Tyde: bdub77: Wanna prevent premature ejaculation?

Two tips:
1) Masturbate often
2) Bang uglier chicks
3) Don't be 14 years old

I find imagining a semi-nude Ernest Borgnine making out with Tommy Lasorda works for me.


you owe me a new keyboard and a case of viagra if im ever gonna be able to get it up again
 
2013-03-14 05:41:16 PM  
SquiggsIN:

Is it wrong to be turned on by the concept of a Borgnine/Lasorda/Thatcher 3-way?


Yes.
 
2013-03-14 06:04:27 PM  

highwayrun: Krymson Tyde: bdub77: Wanna prevent premature ejaculation?

Two tips:
1) Masturbate often
2) Bang uglier chicks
3) Don't be 14 years old

I find imagining a semi-nude Ernest Borgnine making out with Tommy Lasorda works for me.

So when you're having sex with a woman, to enhance the experience you imagine a famous actor making out with a baseball player. And that works for you.

Got it.


Like you've never whacked it to Abe Vigoda/A-Rod.

/yeah, I'll put myself in timeout
 
2013-03-14 06:43:26 PM  
FTFA: I told Carolyn about my goal of numbing my penis and seeing how long I could "punish" a woman. With the eager nervousness of a premature ejaculator, I awaited her response.
"That's funny," she replied. Then, after she downed several more beers, she revisited the topic. "Wait, are you just trying to have sex with me for your article?"
"No," I protested. "There are so many other reasons I'm trying to have sex with you!"


He doesn't need penis spray, lines like that will ensure that he never ejaculates inside a woman.

Carolyn smiled. "Of course we can do that," she said immediately. "I just thought it was weird and kind of gross that you brought it up before our first time."

So is Carolyn made up, or hideous?
 
2013-03-14 08:42:02 PM  
Christian Bale: I expect a strong rebuttal from the manufacturer taking him to task for not fully charging.

Either you didn't read the comments, or the comments in question were after your post here, since this isn't exactly a new thread and no, I don't feel like comparing timestamps.

The CEO has a few choice words in the comments section on the "article".  He is not pleased.
 
2013-03-14 09:48:54 PM  

Space Station Wagon: I'm male, 35, in ok shape and on no medication and I frequently don't get mine. No matter the style, the duration or how good it feels. I just can't get into the end zone. Wow and does it hurt my gf's feelings, she is an absolute warrior in bed and when I don't "O" she wants to commit seppuku in shame.


Have you considered the possibility that you're gay? Or bi?
 
2013-03-15 11:44:47 AM  
CeroX:

You know, i do have a semi-serious question for you though... i say semi-serious because i ask this as more of a curiosity stemming from this article that you bring up...

I'm going to give you a perspective from a hetero point of view and maybe you can give me the gay man's perspective...

For a hetero man, premature ejac can be both embaressing and depressing because in today's world, it is commonly seen that women love to orgasm, and if a man can't bring a woman to orgasm,


The semi-serious gay man's answer: It's not a problem. Just finish yourself. Simple and we're all happy.
 
2013-03-15 11:50:53 AM  

Duck_of_Doom: highwayrun: Krymson Tyde: bdub77: Wanna prevent premature ejaculation?

Two tips:
1) Masturbate often
2) Bang uglier chicks
3) Don't be 14 years old

I find imagining a semi-nude Ernest Borgnine making out with Tommy Lasorda works for me.

So when you're having sex with a woman, to enhance the experience you imagine a famous actor making out with a baseball player. And that works for you.

Got it.

Like you've never whacked it to Abe Vigoda/A-Rod.

/yeah, I'll put myself in timeout


Are you kidding? I can't watch Barney Miller in front of my parents.
 
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