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(New York Magazine)   "I tried penis numbing spray, and it nearly ruined my sex life"   (nymag.com) divider line 91
    More: Obvious, interpersonal relationship, warning shot  
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13821 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Mar 2013 at 5:25 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-13 11:48:46 PM  
Drinking it won't help your gag reflex, Subby.
 
2013-03-13 11:56:58 PM  
Misapplied the shiat (10 sprays of lidocaine???) then wrote an article about how the product, not your inability to follow basic directions, nearly ruined your sex life?

I'm surprised you didn't write it to The Consumerist.
 
2013-03-14 12:03:13 AM  
You're doing it wrong
 
2013-03-14 12:09:06 AM  
There was a brand of condoms that put (don't know if its still available) a numbing agent inside the condom.

Word of advice- do NOT let that shiat get in your urethra. It HURTS LIKE HELL.
And no, I have no idea how it happened, it just did.
 
2013-03-14 12:28:52 AM  
Wanna prevent premature ejaculation?

Two tips:
1) Masturbate often
2) Bang uglier chicks
3) Don't be 14 years old
 
2013-03-14 12:33:06 AM  

bdub77: Wanna prevent premature ejaculation?

Two tips:
1) Masturbate often
2) Bang uglier chicks
3) Don't be 14 years old


I find imagining a semi-nude Ernest Borgnine making out with Tommy Lasorda works for me.
 
2013-03-14 12:43:59 AM  
... I put on my Campho-Phenique and jimmy hat ...
 
2013-03-14 01:05:05 AM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: You're doing it wrong


Dude, way to mix Slate with my Fark.
 
2013-03-14 01:35:15 AM  
After acquiring three vials of Promescent, I went out to drinks with a young woman with whom I'd been on a couple dates but had not yet slept with. I told Carolyn about my goal of numbing my penis and seeing how long I could "punish" a woman. With the eager nervousness of a premature ejaculator, I awaited her response.

yeah, I don't think it was the spray that ruined your sex life pal.
 
2013-03-14 01:53:05 AM  
In my day we used cocaine for that

/ and we  liked it
 
2013-03-14 02:14:09 AM  
After four minutes, my wrists began to tingle and feel flimsier than usual.

NTTAWWT
 
2013-03-14 04:01:11 AM  

Snotnose: In my day we used cocaine for that

/ and we  liked it


Totes.  Brings back memories of the night I met my ex-wife.
 
2013-03-14 04:04:29 AM  
Goddamit, if you're gonna bore me with a shaggy-dog tale like that, at least buy me a beer.
 
2013-03-14 04:27:52 AM  
Try the Mandalay cream.  It's wonderful.
 
2013-03-14 04:44:29 AM  
Still, when I heard of Promescent, it seemed too ridiculous a journalistic opportunity to pass up.

And that's where I stopped reading.
 
2013-03-14 05:28:16 AM  
cdn2.blogs.babble.com
 
2013-03-14 05:35:21 AM  
tl;dr

Did whoever wrote that get paid by the word?

How's this for some penis numbing/killing?

upload.wikimedia.org

/The voice will kill whatever is left of your once proud manhood
 
2013-03-14 05:35:29 AM  
several years of marriage ruined my sex life
 
2013-03-14 05:36:37 AM  
If you or a man you know is a quick draw and doesn't want to be, Promescent will probably help, but finding the correct dosage - something I never determined - is crucial.

The author uses the minimum 3 spritzes a few times and the maximum 10 spritzes a couple times and complains he can't figure out the correct number of times to spritz his junk. If only there were a bunch of numbers between 3 and 10 that he could gradually work through to figure out the right number...
 
2013-03-14 05:45:31 AM  
eh, where's the part where it ruined his sex life?

He tried it masturbating, and it was boring. Then he had sex with a woman and it wasn't that great. The end.

I thought he was going to end up in the hospital with a chronically numb dick the way he made it sound.

This is just like the Telsa article. I expect a strong rebuttal from the manufacturer taking him to task for not fully charging.
 
2013-03-14 05:52:40 AM  

Christian Bale: eh, where's the part where it ruined his sex life?

He tried it masturbating, and it was boring. Then he had sex with a woman and it wasn't that great. The end.

I thought he was going to end up in the hospital with a chronically numb dick the way he made it sound.

This is just like the Telsa article. I expect a strong rebuttal from the manufacturer taking him to task for not fully charging.


I felt like this article was a bait and switch. And I'm not being cute. I came for his sex life being ruined and ended up with him hooking up with a new girl.
 
2013-03-14 05:52:54 AM  
How to last in bed...
25.media.tumblr.com
Be romantic.
 
2013-03-14 05:54:02 AM  

Krymson Tyde: bdub77: Wanna prevent premature ejaculation?

Two tips:
1) Masturbate often
2) Bang uglier chicks
3) Don't be 14 years old

I find imagining a semi-nude Ernest Borgnine making out with Tommy Lasorda works for me.


I'm gay, so what works for me is imaginimg Margaret Thatcher in the nude. It works to keep me going a bit longer, but too much and I go limp.
 
2013-03-14 05:54:31 AM  

Acharne: and ended up with him hooking up with a new girl.


because I'm sure that really happened.
 
2013-03-14 05:57:02 AM  

maram500: Krymson Tyde: bdub77: Wanna prevent premature ejaculation?

Two tips:
1) Masturbate often
2) Bang uglier chicks
3) Don't be 14 years old

I find imagining a semi-nude Ernest Borgnine making out with Tommy Lasorda works for me.

I'm gay, so what works for me is imaginimg Margaret Thatcher in the nude. It works to keep me going a bit longer, but too much and I go limp.


1. I'm straight, and a nude Margret Thatcher works for me as well.

2. You just admitted that Ernest Borgnine and Tommy Lasorda making out is kinda hot to you.
 
2013-03-14 05:58:54 AM  
...users are "single guys who want to go out and be 'The Punisher.'"

Being 'punished' by some guy doing an impression of a pile-driver for hours is not exactly what I want in bed. Either I am odd or some men are rather misguided as to what women want, or maybe both.
 
m00
2013-03-14 06:09:55 AM  

Nidiot: or some men are rather misguided as to what women want


Some? howabout all.
 
2013-03-14 06:16:31 AM  
Ruined his sex life, but I bet it helped his partner's.
 
2013-03-14 06:18:41 AM  

Nidiot: ...users are "single guys who want to go out and be 'The Punisher.'"

Being 'punished' by some guy doing an impression of a pile-driver for hours is not exactly what I want in bed. Either I am odd or some men are rather misguided as to what women want, or maybe both.


Just wait until you get 360 pile drived. You'll change your tune. 
media.heavy.com
 
2013-03-14 06:22:52 AM  

Nidiot: ...users are "single guys who want to go out and be 'The Punisher.'"

Being 'punished' by some guy doing an impression of a pile-driver for hours is not exactly what I want in bed. Either I am odd or some men are rather misguided as to what women want, or maybe both.



media.eventhubs.com media.eventhubs.com media.eventhubs.com media.eventhubs.com media.eventhubs.com media.eventhubs.com media.eventhubs.com media.eventhubs.com (360 motion)

Doing anything for you?
 
S23
2013-03-14 06:23:26 AM  

SilentStrider: There was a brand of condoms that put (don't know if its still available) a numbing agent inside the condom.


Turn them inside out, and she'll sleep straight trough it.
 
2013-03-14 06:27:11 AM  

Nidiot: ...users are "single guys who want to go out and be 'The Punisher.'"

Being 'punished' by some guy doing an impression of a pile-driver for hours is not exactly what I want in bed. Either I am odd or some men are rather misguided as to what women want, or maybe both.


There's a major stigma from the media, television, female entertainers, and movies that says sex that doesn't last AT LEAST 30 minutes is considered a "quickie" or "under performed"...
Even TV sex scenes are set up like a montage that makes it look like the lovers were going on for HOURS even though the montage itself is rarely longer than 5 minutes.

Not trying to toot my own horn here, but typically if i last longer than an hour, the wifey starts complaining about pain and discomfort... Now to toot my own horn, i've become so familiar with my wife under the hood, that by the end of an hour we've lost count of her O's anyway...
 
2013-03-14 06:31:44 AM  

log_jammin: Acharne: and ended up with him hooking up with a new girl.

because I'm sure that really happened.


Possibly he's just leaving out that he thinks wanking is much, much better. But I doubt it. I just think he lost his way half paced after a half cocking of the spent opportunities, artificial or otherwise.
 
2013-03-14 06:49:00 AM  
what an awful article
 
2013-03-14 06:54:29 AM  
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com
 
2013-03-14 06:56:04 AM  
A man goes in to the doctor. The doctor begins to check him for prostate cancer, and asks him "do you want me to numb you up?". The patient says "yes please" and the doctor sticks his face in the guy's ass and goes "num num num."
 
2013-03-14 07:12:17 AM  
The next day, I decided to test Promescent on my own. I started by spritzing six quick squirts on each wrist and rubbing them together like I was applying perfume. It had a new car smell. The texture had a gummy feel, like an anti-lube. After four minutes, my wrists began to tingle and feel flimsier than usual. To test whether I'd lost any torque, I opened a pasta-sauce jar, which actually wasn't that difficult, so I wondered if the spray was a sham. There was only one way to find out, and I couldn't justify putting it off any longer: It was time to beat my (frozen) meat.

I hate when my wrists prematurely ejaculate.
 
2013-03-14 07:13:06 AM  
th06.deviantart.net
What the fark am I reading??
 
2013-03-14 07:14:29 AM  
Many moons ago, I decided to fap and a nap before going to a party where I know I would get some lovin'.
I used the aloe I had from a sunburn
it had lidocaine
woke from the nap in a panic

7/?/92
never forget
 
2013-03-14 07:18:29 AM  

Nidiot: ...users are "single guys who want to go out and be 'The Punisher.'"

Being 'punished' by some guy doing an impression of a pile-driver for hours is not exactly what I want in bed. Either I am odd or some men single young men who watch too much porn are rather misguided as to what women want, or maybe both.


FTFY

Once you're married, you figure out pretty quick that the only technique you need to remember is "gentle".

I swear to gawd, half the porn out there looks like rape scenes. Those women are in obvious pain from being slammed into.
 
2013-03-14 07:19:14 AM  
I read that as penis pumping at first and was wondering how that screwed things up.
 
2013-03-14 07:20:48 AM  
umm i can't imagine premature ejaculation being a problem for ANYONE.  sex is gay and is boring is fark
 
2013-03-14 07:22:23 AM  

log_jammin: After acquiring three vials of Promescent, I went out to drinks with a young woman with whom I'd been on a couple dates but had not yet slept with. I told Carolyn about my goal of numbing my penis and seeing how long I could "punish" a woman. With the eager nervousness of a premature ejaculator, I awaited her response.

yeah, I don't think it was the spray that ruined your sex life pal.


DNRTFA so thanks for the hearty chuckle. He sounds gay.

CeroX: Nidiot: ...users are "single guys who want to go out and be 'The Punisher.'"

Being 'punished' by some guy doing an impression of a pile-driver for hours is not exactly what I want in bed. Either I am odd or some men are rather misguided as to what women want, or maybe both.

There's a major stigma from the media, television, female entertainers, and movies that says sex that doesn't last AT LEAST 30 minutes is considered a "quickie" or "under performed"...
Even TV sex scenes are set up like a montage that makes it look like the lovers were going on for HOURS even though the montage itself is rarely longer than 5 minutes.

Not trying to toot my own horn here, but typically if i last longer than an hour, the wifey starts complaining about pain and discomfort... Now to toot my own horn, i've become so familiar with my wife under the hood, that by the end of an hour we've lost count of her O's anyway...


shut up
 
2013-03-14 07:25:09 AM  

maram500: Krymson Tyde: bdub77: Wanna prevent premature ejaculation?

Two tips:
1) Masturbate often
2) Bang uglier chicks
3) Don't be 14 years old

I find imagining a semi-nude Ernest Borgnine making out with Tommy Lasorda works for me.

I'm gay, so what works for me is imaginimg Margaret Thatcher in the nude. It works to keep me going a bit longer, but too much and I go limp.


Any of the 3 works for me
 
2013-03-14 07:26:10 AM  

HailRobonia: A man goes in to the doctor. The doctor begins to check him for prostate cancer, and asks him "do you want me to numb you up?". The patient says "yes please" and the doctor sticks his face in the guy's ass and goes "num num num."


This was a joke about breasts! You've ruined it! Bastard!
 
2013-03-14 07:27:06 AM  

AbbeySomeone: shut up


yes mistress...
 
2013-03-14 07:28:06 AM  

Basily Gourt: Nidiot: ...users are "single guys who want to go out and be 'The Punisher.'"

Being 'punished' by some guy doing an impression of a pile-driver for hours is not exactly what I want in bed. Either I am odd or some men single young men who watch too much porn are rather misguided as to what women want, or maybe both.

FTFY

Once you're married, you figure out pretty quick that the only technique you need to remember is "gentle".

I swear to gawd, half the porn out there looks like rape scenes. Those women are in obvious pain from being slammed into.


I'm sorry for your loss.
 
2013-03-14 07:28:44 AM  
Bernie's thought on orgasms.

graphics8.nytimes.com

"I got mine, you better get yours"
 
2013-03-14 07:32:31 AM  
After reading TFA, it's obvious what nearly ruined his sex life: Being himself. What a tool.
 
2013-03-14 08:13:01 AM  

Krymson Tyde: bdub77: Wanna prevent premature ejaculation?

Two tips:
1) Masturbate often
2) Bang uglier chicks
3) Don't be 14 years old

I find imagining a semi-nude Ernest Borgnine making out with Tommy Lasorda works for me.


I never understand people who say stuff like this. They think of someone ugly, or sports, or math. Doesn't that sort of ruin sex for you? I prefer to enjoy sex. "Holy crap, I'm having sex! This is great!"
 
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