Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(NYPost)   New York City presents: the douchetender. Coming soon to a bar near you   (nypost.com) divider line 84
    More: Asinine, New York City, Carroll Gardens, Bombay Sapphire  
•       •       •

17535 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Mar 2013 at 1:09 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-03-14 01:18:00 AM  
15 votes:
"In the end, we drank chilled gin, which we didn't want," she continues. "I was insulted."

Why???  Why the fark would you buy anything from someone who just insulted you?  You're in farking New farking York farking City for farking fark's sake!  There are other bars!  Go to another bar where they don't treat you like shiat.
2013-03-14 01:56:39 AM  
7 votes:
"The rum and Coke is "a hideous waste of rum," says Phil Ward. "All you taste is the Coke."

If that's true then you're either using watered down rum or you mix weak drinks.
2013-03-14 02:01:45 AM  
5 votes:
Some days I want a neat sipping tequila that will last for half an hour while I savor the delightful notes of oak and whatever other bullshiat. And sometimes I just want a damn rum and Coke so I can forget for a few hours that life is cruel. If I want your snobby-ass opinion I will ask for it. Otherwise give me my damn brain-altering chemical in the form I asked you for.
2013-03-14 01:17:02 AM  
5 votes:
"How to drive away your high-end clientele in only one night."

I mean, really. You might attract the hipster/preppy chic crowd, but you're going to lose all the lawyers and brokers and middle-management who just want their vodak and sodas and basic gin-and-tonics; and once your "artisanal gin" is no longer ironically trendy enough, the hipsters will find someplace else and the guys with all the money will have found someplace else.

But hey, why should I ruin all your fun?
2013-03-14 03:31:20 AM  
4 votes:
One time I just felt like having a highball.  No real reason.... just felt like having a highball.  Hipster-aszed joint.  They've got five kinds of single-barrel bourbon and some kind of hipster pure-cane cola.  I ask him to make me a frickin' highball.  He refuses to ruin the good bourbon.  So I order a pure cane cola and a double boubon and mix it myself right in front of the twunt.  Dumbarsed New Yorker wanted to lecture me about ruining the good bourbon til I told him I grew up in Louisville and have forgot more about bourbon than he'll ever know.

/Was a damned good highball.
2013-03-14 12:02:01 AM  
4 votes:
That's why i like dive bars.  Nobody gives a fark what you drink.  And free pool.
2013-03-14 08:05:59 AM  
3 votes:
At first I thought calling this person an idiot was harsh, but then I read that they ended up drinking something they didn't want.  So, you got horrible service at a bar who refused to serve you what you wanted, so you actually bought what they told you to buy even though you didn't want it?  I'm sorry, but this is proof you are an idiot.  If a bar does that to you, go somewhere else.
2013-03-14 02:30:55 AM  
3 votes:
"Years ago, when mixology was a cause, it was edgy. Now it's not," Meehan says.

No.  Just... no.  It was never a cause, it was never edgy, and being a douche about it was never appropriate.  And putting aside that having this as your thing is somehow even less cool than painting warhammer minis for a hobby, even, what the fark is wrong with you?

If you are the owner/manager and you don't like something, there's no problem with not stocking it, or instructing your tenders to up-sell to something with a higher markup.   But when you do so, the correct response when someone asks for it is "we don't sell that.  Anything else?", not "we don't sell that, you ignorant swine".  You see, with the first way, you convey the information and yet you still have a customer.  You can proceed to be a douche if they really want more clarification.

Trocadero: But vodka sodas are moron drinks...


As someone that can tell you what brand of gin is in a martini without mental effort (and usually the proportion of dry to sweet as well, depending how many I've had)... no, no they aren't.  Just because I mostly drink things that were 'traditional' before my grandfather was born doesn't mean you can't enjoy your bud lite or natty ice or whatever.

Additionally, anyone who can't make the connection between the popularity of energy drinks in the mid '00s and this, and work out the probable age of people drinking vodka/soda now does not really have a lot of room to talk about other people being morons (not directed at you, couple other people in this thread, though....).

//Thirdly, my ability to make fine distinctions between alcoholic drinks makes me an alcoholic, not a hip and cool dude or whatever.
2013-03-14 01:28:14 AM  
3 votes:
"In the end, we drank chilled gin, which we didn't want,"

Because you are a foppish twunt.
2013-03-14 01:25:58 AM  
3 votes:
Alcohol snobs are always some of the funniest people to me. I've never got why it matters so much to them if people's taste in booze differs from theirs. To me, it seems like they really aren't all that secure in their tastes. Any time someone brings something different from what they want they perceive it as a challenge to what they like. They worry that they might be having the "wrong" drink.

Something tells me no establishment to does this will survive for all that long. Whatever snobby crowd it attracts will move on when suddenly what the bar is doing is uncool.
2013-03-14 04:14:10 PM  
2 votes:

IRQ12: offmymeds: [www.nypost.com image 299x300]

Walk in to this guy's bar and with a straight face say "I'd like a Sterno '85 with a NyQuil chaser, my good man."

/hilarity will ensue

Look, baby still has his training wheels on!  How artisanal!

(no self respecting bartender uses a jigger unless absolutely required to)


Lets see what Lewis Black has to say about these "artisanal" people, such as this esteemed bartender.

www.takepart.com
"Oh what a surprise, a Trust Fund Hipster talking out of his arse!!!"
2013-03-14 12:54:41 PM  
2 votes:

Johnsnownw: Also, if you drink alcohol to get drunk or a buzz, then again...do it at home. Need to drown your sorrows and relax from a stressful day, but do it with Nati Light...do it at Chili's or any other pseudo-sports bar type place. Leave the craft bars/pubs to people who enjoy and respect alcohol. You'll save money, and be one less douchenozzle in my way at the bar.

/Realize what type of place you patron
//Not every place that has a liquor license is tailored to your "style" or lack-thereof


Jeez what is it with you wise crackers.  People frickin travel.  Usually for business.  Travelers tend to end up in BIG CITIES.  We don't have time to farking research every frickin joint in town when we just want a drink after the business day ends.
2013-03-14 12:49:38 PM  
2 votes:
As much as I like a good gin martini sometimes I want a got damned vodka soda.  Yes, it isn't a flavor explosion, that's just the farking point.  It is refreshing, relatively low calorie, and basically flavor neutral. One doesn't always want everything to taste of juniper.

Just pour the farking drink.
2013-03-14 11:39:18 AM  
2 votes:

Z-clipped: It's that you only came to their establishment in the first place because you heard it was hip and trendy


Why would you assume that? I wander in to places I've never heard of all the time when I'm in the city, and I'm not even a tourist.
2013-03-14 09:02:42 AM  
2 votes:
What I hate more is when I order a martini or gibson and then have to send it back because the incompetent bartender put Vodka in it, instead of Gin.

If I wanted vodka I would have specified vodka, if I say "Martini" or "Gibson" the default is gin.

Also, not knowing how to make an Old Fashioned is another sign of your incompetence.

/Unless the bar specializes in Mojitos, you're being an asshole to order one, other people want to drink too, quit monopolizing the bartender's time.
2013-03-14 08:31:43 AM  
2 votes:
They want to be called "mixologists" but demonstrate the most unprofessional behavior.
2013-03-14 08:09:02 AM  
2 votes:

cptjeff: factoryconnection: Knowing how I feel when people request really banal, played-out covers at gigs, I'd feel the same way these c*nty bartenders do. However, because I like keeping a party (and tips) going, I'll play their stupid request for "Blister in the Sun" with a smile and some joking around.

Would they sh*t on me for asking for bourbon with a twist of lemon? Probably but that is freaking good.

No, and they'd probably give you a pretty nice bourbon.

The disdain is for idiots who go into a craft cocktail bar and order something without taste. Your "premium" vodka is a marketing scam, not a quality drink. And they're not going to serve you a Bud Light.

The Snow Dog: When you work for tips, you'd be an idiot to try and make your customers feel abused. W

These guys are not working for tips in a dive bar. These guys are making $15 cocktails for a clientele that generally appreciates nuance in flavor and aren't ordering vodka tonics or light beer.

GuyCaballero: "vodka soda" is code for "get me drunk fast, here's my money." Every bartender knows it, loves making them because they're easy, and knows you'll be back soon.

While it's perfectly reasonable to hate the people they talk about in this article, they're a rare breed. Most barkeeps love a fast order and a good tip. Just keep it rolling and there's no problem.

These guys ain't even close to working in that kind of bar. I've been to the kind of bar these guys work at- you pay though the nose, and you order off the menu, or ask for a serious drink, not a vodka strawberry friz. And what you get is goddamn wonderful.

Gyrfalcon: "How to drive away your high-end clientele in only one night."

I mean, really. You might attract the hipster/preppy chic crowd, but you're going to lose all the lawyers and brokers and middle-management who just want their vodak and sodas and basic gin-and-tonics; and once your "artisanal gin" is no longer ironically trendy enough, the hipsters will find someplace else and the guys wi ...


To me, it is more a matter of the attitude than the reality. If I walk into ANY bar, order something, and the barkeep shrugs noncommitally and says "Sorry, buddy - we don't stock that." I'll just order something else, and not give it another thought. If, on the other hand, he acts like I just wandered into Buckingham Palace and took a crap on one of the Queen's prize oriental rugs, I'll be ordering my drink elsewhere that evening.
2013-03-14 08:02:15 AM  
2 votes:
Solution (if it hasn't already been mentioned):

1. Serve Rum and Coke/Vodka and Soda/Whatever offensive drink is ordered
2. Provide a sample of the tasty bespoke alternative ("Hey, you should try this, it's pretty hot and totally on trend right now")
3. ???
4. Profit
2013-03-14 04:31:07 AM  
2 votes:
The problem as I see it is this.  When the d-bag bartender 'refused to make the drink',  all the customers in the article just took it.  The woman's father ordered 3 times?  The solution is one of two things.

1. I'd like a rum and coke.
(sigh) no I wouldn't lower myself blablabla
Ok (customer walks out, goes somewhere else, does not reward this behavior)
and/or
2. I'd like a run and coke
(Sigh) no I wouldn't lower myself blablabla
Great.  Go get your manager. (manager sees money.  Let him know yours is walking out the door, and why,  and watch that bullshiat stop right there.)
2013-03-14 03:03:15 AM  
2 votes:

hubris73: Not every business should have to cater to your every desire - there are enough of us out there who are interested and excited to learn about things beyond our knowledge to keep places like this going - those of us who respect expertise over our own predilections and taste.


So, what is it about me ordering my rum and coke that prevents you from taking whatever the bartender wants to serve you?
2013-03-14 02:58:52 AM  
2 votes:
There is a very simple solution to this bad bartender problem; drink at another bar.  Life is too short to fark around with some jack-hole who won't serve you the drink you order. They're charging about 600% markup on the product so get it right or adios.
2013-03-14 02:36:24 AM  
2 votes:
I love stories where every single person in the article deserves repeated punches to the groin:

* the "craft" proprietor taking pride in showing up his customers;
* the milquetoast customers afraid to return the insult;
* the hipsters supporting these places, because they're hipsters;
* and the dead father because he won't feel it.

Barkeep, a fresh round of cockpunches for the house, and two for yourself!
2013-03-14 02:34:30 AM  
2 votes:

cptjeff: If you want to just get hammered, whatever. But the point is to either do it with some class or do it somewhere else. Fine dining and fast food are not the same thing. High end cocktail bars and dive bars are not the same thing either. Just like I do not go to a dive bar expecting a menu of fine scotches, I do not expect jello shots at a place that prides itself on high quality drinks, a refined atmosphere, and charges $15 a pop.


Since when was getting hammered classy? Is the guy who does it on artisan gin really better than the guy who does it on Jack Daniels?

Here's the thing: Yes, some people just aren't sophisticated enough to know all the ins and outs of the new mixology movement, but do they really deserve to be mocked and denigrated by the bartender serving them?
2013-03-14 02:29:26 AM  
2 votes:

Iczer: I'm kind of in the same vein as a few snobby TV food personalities are in this type of setup:

The chef/bartender has done their craft for "X" years and finally has control (normally) over the menu, they know what they chose and why in each and every item. If you want to order something from them and start going off like my sister and telling them to hold everything but the meat, they have a bit of a right to get irked with you. There's a reason Japan has so many great foods, it's ingrained into their culture that asking for subsitutions/whatnot is seen as a slap in the face to the chef.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Omakase


As a chef, that would be terrific for me. As a paying customer, it's not so great. I really don't care if the chef likes the food better a different way. He's not the one paying for it and eating it. If you don't want to take my money and serve me what I'm asking for, why are you a professional chef? If you just want to cook what you like, how you like, and the consumer of that food be damned, cook for free.
2013-03-14 02:23:43 AM  
2 votes:

cptjeff: APPROVED DRINK: "If you want to get bombed right away, order a zombie," he says. "It's boozier than a Long Island iced tea and really delicious."

I don't get why one is acceptable and the other isn't. If this guy actually exists, I hope his urethra gets infested with spiders.

Because the zombie actually balances out the flavors instead of dumping as many random types of booze together as you can?

You do not go to places like this to get hammered. You go there for the best goddamn tasting cocktail you've had in your life. Vodka anything is antithetical to that. It shouldn't surprise you that people who work balancing drinks to have absolute perfect balances of flavor (seriously, some of these places get out the eyedropper) are gonna be offended when you ignore all the drinks they've spent a lot of time and effort getting absolutely perfect and ask for something flavorless you get at a dive bar because it's impossible to screw up.


Notice the "if you want to get bombed right away" part. But paying attention to that would be silly. However, I do apologize for wanting to drink the way I want to drink. You and all the PHD mixologists obviously know better than me what I should be imbibing to make myself a better person.
2013-03-14 02:08:42 AM  
2 votes:
 OFFENDING DRINK: The Long Island iced tea is "pure gluttony," says Ward. Ordering one "is admitting that you want as much booze as possible, without a conception of what it is."

APPROVED DRINK: "If you want to get bombed right away, order a zombie," he says. "It's boozier than a Long Island iced tea and really delicious."


I don't get why one is acceptable and the other isn't. If this guy actually exists, I hope his urethra gets infested with spiders.
2013-03-14 02:05:00 AM  
2 votes:

factoryconnection: Knowing how I feel when people request really banal, played-out covers at gigs, I'd feel the same way these c*nty bartenders do. However, because I like keeping a party (and tips) going, I'll play their stupid request for "Blister in the Sun" with a smile and some joking around.

Would they sh*t on me for asking for bourbon with a twist of lemon? Probably but that is freaking good.


No, and they'd probably give you a pretty nice bourbon.

The disdain is for idiots who go into a craft cocktail bar and order something without taste. Your "premium" vodka is a marketing scam, not a quality drink. And they're not going to serve you a Bud Light.

The Snow Dog: When you work for tips, you'd be an idiot to try and make your customers feel abused. W


These guys are not working for tips in a dive bar. These guys are making $15 cocktails for a clientele that generally appreciates nuance in flavor and aren't ordering vodka tonics or light beer.

GuyCaballero: "vodka soda" is code for "get me drunk fast, here's my money." Every bartender knows it, loves making them because they're easy, and knows you'll be back soon.

While it's perfectly reasonable to hate the people they talk about in this article, they're a rare breed. Most barkeeps love a fast order and a good tip. Just keep it rolling and there's no problem.


These guys ain't even close to working in that kind of bar. I've been to the kind of bar these guys work at- you pay though the nose, and you order off the menu, or ask for a serious drink, not a vodka strawberry friz. And what you get is goddamn wonderful.

Gyrfalcon: "How to drive away your high-end clientele in only one night."

I mean, really. You might attract the hipster/preppy chic crowd, but you're going to lose all the lawyers and brokers and middle-management who just want their vodak and sodas and basic gin-and-tonics; and once your "artisanal gin" is no longer ironically trendy enough, the hipsters will find someplace else and the guys with all the money will have found someplace else.

But hey, why should I ruin all your fun?


No, you don't drive those people away, because high end clientele generally know that you don't go to a craft cocktail bar for a gin and tonic. You order a real drink when you go there, not least because it's one of the few places you can.

Seriously folks, they have the cheaper sling whatever crappy drinks you want places in NYC too- these are the equivalent of fine dining. You order something nice, not tasteless shiat to get hammered. If that's not your scene, fine. But going into a craft cocktail bar and ordering a vodka tonic is like going into Chez Paul in Jorts and trying to order pop tarts. Don't.
2013-03-14 01:52:12 AM  
2 votes:

Yogimus: GuyCaballero: "vodka soda" is code for "get me drunk fast, here's my money." Every bartender knows it, loves making them because they're easy, and knows you'll be back soon.

While it's perfectly reasonable to hate the people they talk about in this article, they're a rare breed. Most barkeeps love a fast order and a good tip. Just keep it rolling and there's no problem.

The reporter is a farking weak willed derp, and the bartender is a prissy moron who forgets his role.


I agree. I understand what the bartender is saying about drinking alcoholic beverages that hide the flavor, but still, they're customers! Suggest to them something different, see if they're interested, and if not serve them their boring or flavor masking drink! The reporter there is probably just supposed to be reporting on the phenomena of "douchetenders", but don't accept something totally different from what you ordered just because the bartender tells you what you will have to drink, you tell HIM what you want to drink!  If there is a bottle there of the stuff, point it out to him and say, "Well thanks for the suggestion, but I want Bombay Sapphire. If you don't want to serve it, don't have it available at your bar on the shelf to pretend to show off how "well" your bar is stocked!"
2013-03-14 01:29:40 AM  
2 votes:
To Hipsters. The cause of, but not the solution to, all of life's problems!

www.rifuture.org
2013-03-14 12:42:10 AM  
2 votes:
questionablecontent.net

/Basically anyone could post about 500 of QC's 2400 comics in this thread..
2013-03-15 07:48:54 AM  
1 votes:

thamike: It isn't about craftsmanship at that point, it's about dominance.  It's hostility.


Have you actually spent any time with the kind of people you're talking about?  Because I have, and I can assure you that while there are certainly people who have social dominance issues, most bartenders that I know who are any good do the job because on some level, they just enjoy making people happy.

thamike: People who think other people's service jobs are inferior and that therefore they are inferior people are undoubtedly assholes.  But then again, so are service industry workers who talk about their "craft" as if they are actors (same goes for "actors" who talk about their "craft").


What a silly thing to say.  "Both sides are bad, because 'craft'"?  What do you have against the word "craft"?  It just means "using skill make something that wasn't there before".  Bartenders make cocktails.  Carpenters make chairs.  Potters make bowls.  Chefs make food. Actors?... well you might have a point there, but it's an irrelevant one at best.

You don't think what these guys make is important?  That's cool.  A lot of people spend time and energy on a lot of things that I don't find important too.  I don't usually call them "assholes" for it, though.

24.media.tumblr.com
2013-03-14 11:42:58 PM  
1 votes:

Z-clipped: Education is part of appreciation. The reason you see a lot of younger people getting into high-end craft-related things like these cocktails isn't because of marketing. (People drink Grey Goose Bloody Marys because of marketing). It's because young people are more willing to leave their comfort zone and learn new things than older people are.

Sure, there are some idiots who just need a "thing" to have some social agency, but the bar owners and bartenders who are doing this stuff aren't in it for that reason. They're trying to perfect a craft, and there's nothing wrong with that.


I am sure there are a few bars still like that out there, but not the bar in the story (and there are many more examples of a bar like this in NYC and other towns and cities with a significant Hipster population). A good bar that could name themselves "mixologists" would have a selection of drinks available on a menu, maybe even an inexpensive sample selection so you may enjoy the various differences between separately mixed drinks at the bartender's *recommendation*.  *THIS* bar on the other hand has name brand liquors on the counter to take up space (probably makes the bar selection look good to lure in people with Facebook pictures), with the bartender actively insulting you because you want a product that he clearly has available yet won't sell you because "That person is an idiot and doesn't understand how 'better' artisanal alcohol is, I shall not waste my time with this customer" in the bartender's mind and vocally disparage the customer to that point.  If the bartender doesn't want to sell a product he has in the bar, don't stock it, and don't act like a Hipster douche because you want people to follow your way instead of them following their own individual choice. (Apparently the "alternative" Hipster bartender wants everyone to conform to his way of doing things. How ironic!)

A salesman makes suggestions to the customer in order to broaden their horizons, show them something that they might not think about trying and/or purchasing on their own, to increase sales. A salesman does not refuse to sell to a customer on the basis that the customer is willing to purchase something but not the exact thing that the salesman wanted the customer to purchase.
2013-03-14 11:16:39 PM  
1 votes:

WhiskeyBoy: cptjeff:Seriously folks, they have the cheaper sling whatever crappy drinks you want places in NYC too- these are the equivalent of fine dining. You order something nice, not tasteless shiat to get hammered. If that's not your scene, fine. But going into a craft cocktail bar and ordering a vodka tonic is like going into Chez Paul in Jorts and trying to order pop tarts. Don't.

I don't get why this is so hard to understand.  The gourmet concept travels across all manner of food and drink.  The entire gourmet industry has basically set itself up on one-upping the next guy.  Any restaurant or bar has the right to deny you service, and you have the right to refuse to be a patron of any establishment you dislike.  It's that simple.  Granted, it sounds like the douchey bartender could at least be a little more considerate in explaining the concept of a "gourmet" bar to their confused patrons.


Except that's not a good comparison.

It's like going to Chez Paul and ordering a steak well done.  Or with A1.  Whatever, it's their meal/money.  They may be making a tasteless order and are a moron for it, but you can fulfill their order and are a bigger moron for not doing so.
2013-03-14 03:17:37 PM  
1 votes:

Girion47: Ebbelwoi: Johnsnownw: Also, if you drink alcohol to get drunk or a buzz, then again...do it at home. Need to drown your sorrows and relax from a stressful day, but do it with Nati Light...do it at Chili's or any other pseudo-sports bar type place. Leave the craft bars/pubs to people who enjoy and respect alcohol. You'll save money, and be one less douchenozzle in my way at the bar.

/Realize what type of place you patron
//Not every place that has a liquor license is tailored to your "style" or lack-thereof

Jeez what is it with you wise crackers.  People frickin travel.  Usually for business.  Travelers tend to end up in BIG CITIES.  We don't have time to farking research every frickin joint in town when we just want a drink after the business day ends.

It's called Yelp, they have a mobile app, your lack of preparation should not be someone else's problem.


Not everyone wants advice from people they would never ever ask for advice.
2013-03-14 03:10:33 PM  
1 votes:
Listen up, everyone that works in a bar, restaurant, service of the public in any way.  YOU farkING WORK FOR ME.  I pay you to bring me what I ask for.  If you aren't really happy with that station in life, I don't farking care.
2013-03-14 03:07:34 PM  
1 votes:

Girion47: Ebbelwoi: Johnsnownw: Also, if you drink alcohol to get drunk or a buzz, then again...do it at home. Need to drown your sorrows and relax from a stressful day, but do it with Nati Light...do it at Chili's or any other pseudo-sports bar type place. Leave the craft bars/pubs to people who enjoy and respect alcohol. You'll save money, and be one less douchenozzle in my way at the bar.

/Realize what type of place you patron
//Not every place that has a liquor license is tailored to your "style" or lack-thereof

Jeez what is it with you wise crackers.  People frickin travel.  Usually for business.  Travelers tend to end up in BIG CITIES.  We don't have time to farking research every frickin joint in town when we just want a drink after the business day ends.

It's called Yelp, they have a mobile app, your lack of preparation should not be someone else's problem.


The problem with Yelp however, is that it is filled with a bunch of smarmy douches who will more often write on there to complain about something than praise it. All the while trying to sound like they are writing for the new york times and they are the wittiest motherfarkers in the universe.
2013-03-14 12:56:08 PM  
1 votes:

brap: As much as I like a good gin martini sometimes I want a got damned vodka soda.  Yes, it isn't a flavor explosion, that's just the farking point.  It is refreshing, relatively low calorie, and basically flavor neutral. One doesn't always want everything to taste of juniper.

Just pour the farking drink.


Same here, as much as I love drinking and experimenting with different concoctions, it expands my waistline faster than anything else, so I really had to curb my "hobby".

If I have multiple drinking social events in a week, I'll order one regular drink and sip vodka sodas the rest of the night to keep the calorie count down.

/in a tall glass with lemon please
2013-03-14 12:48:22 PM  
1 votes:
Z-clipped:Most of the time in bars like the ones in TFA, the refusal to make a particular drink is a matter of ingredients, and more generally, of expectations.  If you as a guest order a drink for which I don't have one or more of the ingredients I know you're expecting, sometimes it's better to just say "no" and force you to reset your expectations, than to attempt to approximate what your asking for and fail to meet them.

Oh, no argument there. If you don't have an ingredient, well - then you don't have it. It's now on the customer to deal with that, preferably by going with something that you do have, and I am sure some will do so with less than perfect grace. That's when it becomes OK to suggest that they might be better served by going somewhere else.
2013-03-14 12:27:12 PM  
1 votes:

Erik_Emune: The customer might be with friends who like their fancy cocktails. The customer might even be in the wrong place. The bartender can of course make a suggestion, even, but if the customer wants a drink and the bartender can make it, he should. Possibly seething with frustration as his tears of misery mingle with his artisanal liqueurs, but he chose to be in the hospitality business.


This argument isn't without merit, but there's another side to the matter.  Most of the time in bars like the ones in TFA, the refusal to make a particular drink is a matter of ingredients, and more generally, of expectations.  If you as a guest order a drink for which I don't have one or more of the ingredients I know you're expecting, sometimes it's better to just say "no" and force you to reset your expectations, than to attempt to approximate what your asking for and fail to meet them.

A specialty cocktail bar would much rather you tell your friends "It was so annoying- they totally refused to make me a Cosmopolitan because they didn't have cranberry. WTF? On the other hand, I tried a Sazerac and it was really amazing..." than "There were a lot of fancy drinks on the menu and the bartenders made a big deal about their cocktails, but they couldn't even make me a Cosmo that tasted right!".
2013-03-14 11:58:18 AM  
1 votes:

cptjeff: . But going into a craft cocktail bar and ordering a vodka tonic is like going into Chez Paul in Jorts and trying to order pop tarts. Don't.


I read this great interview with the head chef of Maxim's - back before it was turned into a "brand" and got kicked out of Michelin's, so I'm dating myself, here. He said one of the hardest parts of the job was to gracefully accept gushing compliments for a meal consisting of a steak and a salad. But he also said that "We get perhaps one customer like that in a week. And he shall be treated as graciously as anyone else."

The customer might be with friends who like their fancy cocktails. The customer might even be in the wrong place. The bartender can of course make a suggestion, even, but if the customer wants a drink and the bartender can make it, he should. Possibly seething with frustration as his tears of misery mingle with his artisanal liqueurs, but he chose to be in the hospitality business.
2013-03-14 11:37:46 AM  
1 votes:

jtown: "In the end, we drank chilled gin, which we didn't want," she continues. "I was insulted."

Why???  Why the fark would you buy anything from someone who just insulted you?  You're in farking New farking York farking City for farking fark's sake!  There are other bars!  Go to another bar where they don't treat you like shiat.


This.  I'm OK with a place simply telling me "No, we don't have that", but if they're going to have an attitude about it, then the only thing they're getting from me is a "fark you, I'm off to a bar not run by/staffed with assholes".
2013-03-14 11:13:49 AM  
1 votes:

Phil Moskowitz: The NY Post is the daily mail of the US. I doubt any of this is actually happening. So many boring shiatty links to drive me off to reddit.


Wow. I very rarely remember Fark Handles(tm) but you were the same dip-shiat I responded to last night for some idiotic comment you posted.

And less than 24 hours later here you are again.

You 'doubt any of this actually' happened?
Why?
Because you don't like the newspaper?

And now you 'threaten' to got to Reddit because Fark has boring links?
Who's being a snob now?
Go to Redditt you azzhat. You won't be missed here.
2013-03-14 10:08:14 AM  
1 votes:
splitsider.com

How am I the first??
2013-03-14 09:54:52 AM  
1 votes:
Want anything frozen or sugary, and they'll refuse to make it, saying they don't want to "mask the spirit's taste."

Read as: "I don't want to have to wash the blender."
2013-03-14 08:36:58 AM  
1 votes:
"I'd like a cheeseburger with a side of fries, no onions."

"No onions?  Are you totally trying to destroy the full potential of this fine Angus beef?  I mean the cheese is bad enough, but we do have a pernicious Stilton we can top it with.  And as far as fries, you already have sufficient starch in the bun, naturally you probably  want ketchup with those, too?"

"Blow a dog."  *door slams*

Sounds  bit silly when you take the booze as sophistication touchstone malarkey out of the equation, non?
2013-03-14 08:15:34 AM  
1 votes:
Bartenders like this should be given a high 5. In the face. With a tire iron. Twice.
2013-03-14 07:56:18 AM  
1 votes:
Gimme my gin and juice and STFU. Yes, I know what good drinks are, and I make them at home with my SO with good alcohol. No, I don't want to go to your bar and get treated like shyte while you make a sub-par beverage.
2013-03-14 07:55:08 AM  
1 votes:
First, unless you have at very least a Bachelors degree awarded from a regionally-accredited 4-year college or university SPECIFICALLY in the field of making mixed drinks, you are NOT a "mixologist". You are a bartender. If you insist upon being called a "mixologist" without such a qualification, you are a snotty twat of a bartender who desperately needs attitude readjustment via judicious application of a tire iron.

Second, these silly little "artisan" cocktails are merely the sauce splotch and spoon smear of bartending. Maybe they might have been groundbreaking and impressive at one time. Now they are merely just another fad sought after by the stupidly pretentious.

I drank bourbon, neat, before they existed. I will be drinking bourbon, neat, long after they only appear on retro-nostalgia Food Network specials.
2013-03-14 07:48:34 AM  
1 votes:
Also, for the love of Francis, don't visit any bar that serves green beer this weekend. That is the sign of a bad bar.
2013-03-14 07:45:08 AM  
1 votes:
I don't want a stylist. I want a barber. I don't want a "mixologist", I want a bartender.  Tend the bar, mix the drinks, and do it well.
2013-03-14 07:35:42 AM  
1 votes:
Eh, every shiatheel working a job a robot can perform likes to inflate their skills and importance.

I once asked a bartender at a spot that only serves faux artsy booze if he ever considered that nobody buys or carries it because it sucks. He was confident is was just because people are stupid. That said, he swore his angle was more of helping local small time players emerge and get exposure.
2013-03-14 07:31:46 AM  
1 votes:

eViLpOpTaRt: mixologist


Unless you invent some kind of super gin that actually makes me sexier as opposed to just thinking I am, you're just a bartender.
2013-03-14 07:31:19 AM  
1 votes:
Don't go to shiatty bars and you won't get shiatty service. And yes if your bartender gives you any grief over anything you order you are in a shiatty bar.
2013-03-14 07:25:14 AM  
1 votes:
Having worked as a mixologist, I have these observations:

1.  Martini drinkers can be pains regarding the gin-to-vermouth ratio.

2.  It's creepy when they order a Bosom Caresser while fixating on your chest.

3.  Drinks with cute names are seldom any good.

4.  Vodka drinkers are easy to please.

5.  It's not good form to order a Pousse café in a busy bar.

6.  I'm impressed when someone orders a Sazerac or a French 75 or a Ramos Gin Fizz.

7.  Snotty mixologist attitudes are translated into poor tips.

8.  You DO tip the mixologist and the server!.
2013-03-14 06:24:48 AM  
1 votes:

jtown: "In the end, we drank chilled gin, which we didn't want," she continues. "I was insulted."

Why???  Why the fark would you buy anything from someone who just insulted you?  You're in farking New farking York farking City for farking fark's sake!  There are other bars!  Go to another bar where they don't treat you like shiat.


I'm done. This is THE proper response to these idiots. And by idiots I mean the bartenders and the customers.
2013-03-14 05:34:26 AM  
1 votes:
people want what they want.  if it is your business to do this, you do it.  if you are unwilling to do this, get out of the business because you're a dick.
2013-03-14 03:53:06 AM  
1 votes:

SpiderQueenDemon: Shadow Blasko: magneticmushroom: Shadow Blasko: [questionablecontent.net image 600x1418]

/Basically anyone could post about 500 of QC's 2400 comics in this thread..

Even Jeph Jacques says he'd have a hard time being friends with Faye. I wouldn't want her serving me coffee either. Raven, please.

Faye reminds me a LOT of some of my Southern friends who are generally broken, but I think I would much rather hang with Hanners. I have experience in dealing with those variety of neuroses.

To date? probably none of them... *maybe* Marbear, if Momo and I could get her to clean her act up.

/Works in a "Library" of sorts... selling books though.
//Has my own Sarlaac Pit Of Platonic Frustration.

I have some Hannelore-ish tendencies myself. Whenever a bartender asks me what I want, I ask them what they recommend, assuming that they, as professional bartenders, must know more than I, a mere drinker.

Strangely enough, everything suggested has been delicious. There's a thing called a Dark n' Stormy, which is rum and ginger beer, that I've been coming back and ordering happily for weeks.


Ooo.
Back to rum again, tho? I'm too old to make it through THAT again.

Sounds yum. Dark thick rum and real ginger beer... a drink as well as a cake!

/rum cake this weekend!
2013-03-14 03:47:23 AM  
1 votes:
Gimmie a whiskey neat and hold the horsesh*t.
2013-03-14 02:51:32 AM  
1 votes:

AverageAmericanGuy: untaken_name: Iczer: I'm kind of in the same vein as a few snobby TV food personalities are in this type of setup:

The chef/bartender has done their craft for "X" years and finally has control (normally) over the menu, they know what they chose and why in each and every item. If you want to order something from them and start going off like my sister and telling them to hold everything but the meat, they have a bit of a right to get irked with you. There's a reason Japan has so many great foods, it's ingrained into their culture that asking for subsitutions/whatnot is seen as a slap in the face to the chef.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Omakase

As a chef, that would be terrific for me. As a paying customer, it's not so great. I really don't care if the chef likes the food better a different way. He's not the one paying for it and eating it. If you don't want to take my money and serve me what I'm asking for, why are you a professional chef? If you just want to cook what you like, how you like, and the consumer of that food be damned, cook for free.

It's a different dining experience. It's not a sit down and order thing. It's a go and enjoy the specially prepared full course meal and restaurant ambience and immediate contact with the chef thing.

Not better, not worse. Just different. The food will usually be very good.


That's a very valid point. I really should have clarified that it was the "asking for substitutions is a slap in the face of the chef" line I was responding to. I have absolutely no problem with intentionally submitting yourself to the whims of the chef - even in a normal restaurant. My problem is with a regular restaurant where the chef refuses to accommodate reasonable requests. For example, cilantro is an extremely popular food where I live. I absolutely despise it. I don't care how good it tastes to the chef, I don't want to eat it, and if you bring me a plate with cilantro on it, especially after I've requested it be left off, I am leaving and not paying for that meal. I'll pay for whatever drinks I've consumed, and go eat somewhere else. And I will never go back to that restaurant. Hear that, Pho Cong Ly? (Yeah I know, they don't care)
2013-03-14 02:46:38 AM  
1 votes:

The Snow Dog: Also: what kind of bar are these bartenders at that they have time to dick around coming to a consensus on what farking drink to make? If your bar is worth a flying fark you have people waiting. Are you bartending to make money or are you bartending to shed your amateur diva status go full on pro retar-diva?


A very different type than you've ever been to, apparently.

Here's the thing: I've been to these places. I like them, because I like a well made drink. There are not 40 people piled up waiting for another shot of cheap whiskey as fast as you can get it to them- they're sitting at tables sipping a drink that will last at least half an hour and talking at a human volume with their friends. The music is just loud enough to keep other people's conversations mostly indistinct. When you need a new drink, a waiter comes by, and you wait for it. Bartenders actually do have time to spend with each customer. Drinks are expensive, and they're not relying on volume and lots of tips.

And low grade probably means Smirnoff or whatnot there. They're not talking Popov unless they just keep it around for cleaning. Or for giving to stupid people. Or the Post could be exaggerating. They do that.
2013-03-14 02:44:10 AM  
1 votes:

cptjeff: If they're not interested in drinking a quality drink, they shouldn't be in that bar. Believe it or not, those places aren't hurting for business and don't need yours- they have enough customers who actually appreciate the product.


Ok, I'm fairly certain we will never have a meeting of the minds on this topic. I take solace in knowing that I will never run into you at a bar, as your classiness and refined tastes are far superior to mine, so I will just maintain my station at the fun bars where the bartenders and clientele aren't coonts.
2013-03-14 02:37:43 AM  
1 votes:

cptjeff: factoryconnection: Knowing how I feel when people request really banal, played-out covers at gigs, I'd feel the same way these c*nty bartenders do. However, because I like keeping a party (and tips) going, I'll play their stupid request for "Blister in the Sun" with a smile and some joking around.

Would they sh*t on me for asking for bourbon with a twist of lemon? Probably but that is freaking good.

No, and they'd probably give you a pretty nice bourbon.

The disdain is for idiots who go into a craft cocktail bar and order something without taste. Your "premium" vodka is a marketing scam, not a quality drink. And they're not going to serve you a Bud Light.

The Snow Dog: When you work for tips, you'd be an idiot to try and make your customers feel abused. W

These guys are not working for tips in a dive bar. These guys are making $15 cocktails for a clientele that generally appreciates nuance in flavor and aren't ordering vodka tonics or light beer.

GuyCaballero: "vodka soda" is code for "get me drunk fast, here's my money." Every bartender knows it, loves making them because they're easy, and knows you'll be back soon.

While it's perfectly reasonable to hate the people they talk about in this article, they're a rare breed. Most barkeeps love a fast order and a good tip. Just keep it rolling and there's no problem.

These guys ain't even close to working in that kind of bar. I've been to the kind of bar these guys work at- you pay though the nose, and you order off the menu, or ask for a serious drink, not a vodka strawberry friz. And what you get is goddamn wonderful.

Gyrfalcon: "How to drive away your high-end clientele in only one night."

I mean, really. You might attract the hipster/preppy chic crowd, but you're going to lose all the lawyers and brokers and middle-management who just want their vodak and sodas and basic gin-and-tonics; and once your "artisanal gin" is no longer ironically trendy enough, the hipsters will find someplace else and the guys wi ...


So why would they only serve crappy well liquor as in some of the examples?

Also: 20% of an expensive cocktail is far better than 20% of a PBR at a dive bar.

Also: what kind of bar are these bartenders at that they have time to dick around coming to a consensus on what farking drink to make? If your bar is worth a flying fark you have people waiting. Are you bartending to make money or are you bartending to shed your amateur diva status go full on pro retar-diva?

You like abuse?
Your NSFW act's gone out of style!
Well kick yourself in the c*nt!
Also: It sounds like you dont understand what you read. You're just basically reiterating what Gyrfalcon said and saying he's wrong for making the same point. You're an idiot.
2013-03-14 02:33:45 AM  
1 votes:

alienated: doglover: alienated: vodka and rc cola

But that's a highball. Soda has no flavor. Vodka has no flavor. A vodka soda would be flavorless fizz.

Not all vodka lacks flavour. I brought a bottle from Poland to a fark party that has a single stalk of bison grass. It is... unique. Some folks like it, some did not.


Zubrowka is the exception that proves the rule. It stands out from other high end vodkas because it's pretty much the only one that actually does have an interesting flavor. Here's a factoid that should be telling: The vast majority of "premium" vodka made in the US is distilled by two industrial manufacturers, shipped to the "distillery" where it's watered down to the desired strength and put in a fancy bottle. You're paying for the marketing.
2013-03-14 02:30:30 AM  
1 votes:

Strongbeerrules: Okay, so who's snubbing who here?


"who's snubbing whom here"
2013-03-14 02:29:47 AM  
1 votes:

alienated: Next you will be calling me a n00b for liking grey goose and Hawaiian Punch ...


Protip: Costco vodka will save you a lot of money if you are trying to get highschool girls drunk like this.
2013-03-14 02:28:02 AM  
1 votes:
Pretty sure the markets will decide if this is a trend or not.
2013-03-14 02:14:27 AM  
1 votes:

doglover: If you order a vodka soda, you're too young to drink.


Or you want something different. I am 44 and still like some vodka and rc cola. I also like high end stuff . ymmv.
2013-03-14 02:04:20 AM  
1 votes:

factoryconnection: Knowing how I feel when people request really banal, played-out covers at gigs, I'd feel the same way these c*nty bartenders do. However, because I like keeping a party (and tips) going, I'll play their stupid request for "Blister in the Sun" with a smile and some joking around.

Would they sh*t on me for asking for bourbon with a twist of lemon? Probably but that is freaking good.


You'd have more of a reason to tell them to fark off, everyone in the place has to listen to their song request. My drink on the other hand won't affect anyone else, so those bartenders should just shut up and do their job.

Also the bartender's assumption that what they believe tastes good must taste good for everyone is retarded. (Yah I said the R word).
2013-03-14 01:56:13 AM  
1 votes:

Phil Moskowitz: The NY Post is the daily mail of the US. I doubt any of this is actually happening. So many boring shiatty links to drive me off to reddit.


Oh, it's happening. What the article doesn't mention is that the bars which aren't apologetic about it are charging $16 for a cocktail - an outrageous price even here. You should know you're being douched the second you see the cocktail menu. If not, you're probably a douche yourself and will enjoy the humiliation as "education."
2013-03-14 01:52:03 AM  
1 votes:
I don't see a problem here. Any bar that has multiple sizes of ice isn't a place one can generally afford to get drunk. And face it, mixing vodka into your soda doesn't sound like a good idea when you're sober.
2013-03-14 01:52:02 AM  
1 votes:
thelionthewitchandthewardrobemalfunctioned.files.wordpress.com

What'll it be?
2013-03-14 01:51:27 AM  
1 votes:

Gyrfalcon: "How to drive away your high-end clientele in only one night."

I mean, really. You might attract the hipster/preppy chic crowd, but you're going to lose all the lawyers and brokers and middle-management who just want their vodak and sodas and basic gin-and-tonics; and once your "artisanal gin" is no longer ironically trendy enough, the hipsters will find someplace else and the guys with all the money will have found someplace else.

But hey, why should I ruin all your fun?


Done in six. Selling alcohol is all about making the customer feel good. I have shown a lot of folks some high end beers or vodkas or whatever. Many buy what I have shown or recommended, many have not.
Hell, when they go for the 12 pack of PBR cans after I spent 10 mins showing them a few craft brews and giving detailed desciptions- I still wish them a g'day. With a smile. I need to sell both products, and I really dont care if one likes they lower end products. A sale is a sale.
2013-03-14 01:47:04 AM  
1 votes:
I bartended for ten years. I only gave attitude to people who were rude or were bothering other customers. When you work for tips, you'd be an idiot to try and make your customers feel abused. When you've been talking to someone a while, you might rib them a little about ordering an extra dirty Chopin martini or a Bulleit and coke, but even then you don't go overboard; you still make the drink as best you can.

If I went to a bar and they gave me crappy gin instead of whiskey or something: BYE!

It is possible the people the author made up were just huge douches and the bartenders were trying to get rid of them... This article sounds very similar to the articles of that newspaper reporter that got caught faking articles and was outed by fact-checkers after they found she had been habitually fabricating quotes and people for years. Not saying it is necessarily so, but seems to be a strong possibility.

One reason I say this is the author uses the word "artisanal" in their own voice, then a paragraph or two later it shows up in a quote from Steve.

I'm not saying all of it sounds fabricated, I'm sure the bar owners / employees interviewed are for real, he could get into too much trouble too easily by faking that stuff--but the stories of the people wronged by bartenders just seem too convenient. I'd be interested in finding out how he got the stories. Did he post an online invitation like: "Send me your bartender horror stories?" Because if he did: he likely got a bunch of malarkey.

Hell, in a couple of hours you'll be able find a bunch of fictitious bullsquat in this very thread. (And some real bullsquat, too.) Kids--can YOU spot the steaming turd?
2013-03-14 01:44:17 AM  
1 votes:
I ordered a frozen mudslide at Fridays once. The bartender got really upset at me and questioned my manhood. Dude, you work at Fridays, make me my damn frozen mudslide.

/still tipped, cuz you know, he works at Fridays, he needs the money more than me.
2013-03-14 01:42:50 AM  
1 votes:

Klippoklondike: That's why i like dive bars.  Nobody gives a fark what you drink.  And free pool.


And the Jukebox is usually stocked full of non-douche music with the mandatory playing of One Bourbon, One Scotch, One beer every two hours.
2013-03-14 01:41:45 AM  
1 votes:

Yogimus: GuyCaballero: "vodka soda" is code for "get me drunk fast, here's my money." Every bartender knows it, loves making them because they're easy, and knows you'll be back soon.

While it's perfectly reasonable to hate the people they talk about in this article, they're a rare breed. Most barkeeps love a fast order and a good tip. Just keep it rolling and there's no problem.

The reporter is a farking weak willed derp, and the bartender is a prissy moron who forgets his role.


I think the whole piece is yellow journalism bullshiat designed to rile up people who live in small towns. People who know better understand bartenders are way too busy to worry about shiat like this.
2013-03-14 01:39:12 AM  
1 votes:

GuyCaballero: "vodka soda" is code for "get me drunk fast, here's my money." Every bartender knows it, loves making them because they're easy, and knows you'll be back soon.

While it's perfectly reasonable to hate the people they talk about in this article, they're a rare breed. Most barkeeps love a fast order and a good tip. Just keep it rolling and there's no problem.


The reporter is a farking weak willed derp, and the bartender is a prissy moron who forgets his role.
2013-03-14 01:33:30 AM  
1 votes:

spaten: Klippoklondike: That's why i like dive bars.  Nobody gives a fark what you drink.  And free pool.

Where are these free pool places you speak of?


Would enjoy that, too! If they actually had pool tables LOL

I just order a triple Beam or Crown and top it off with Coke (usually room for about half a shot of Coke or so, sometimes less depending on how good the bartender is.. lol) and I'm happy.

/Usually the only places around this area that have "free pool" nights only have one or two pool tables... so it's like saying 'free food' and tossing 4 or 5 day-old bologna sandwiches on the damned floor.  Seriously, who the hell would want to put their name up on the board and wait around an hour or more to save a whopping 75 cents to $1.50 (depending on the bar) for a game of pool? MOST people would drink at least good 4-5 (or MORE) beers while waiting, so you would not save a cent.
2013-03-14 01:29:28 AM  
1 votes:
That's why I like Detroit.  They'll serve you anything and be happy about it.
2013-03-14 01:28:24 AM  
1 votes:
99.9% of us are only assholes after you don't tip. I've run across several bartenders like this though, that feel entitled because they're the bartender and they're in NYC. Fark that crap.

/Bartender in both gay and straight bars for 5 years
//Not working in nightlife anymore, I got sick of never seeing sunlight. Or seeing sunlight on New Years Day, which was my last day
///I was pale as paper before, during, and now after
2013-03-14 01:26:15 AM  
1 votes:
The NY Post is the daily mail of the US. I doubt any of this is actually happening. So many boring shiatty links to drive me off to reddit.
2013-03-14 01:20:47 AM  
1 votes:
I will make it my life mission to travel to these establishments and request a Miller High Life, my favorite beverage. Come at me bro.

/Miller Low Life. Because I am one.
2013-03-14 01:17:49 AM  
1 votes:
The important thing is to stay angry.
2013-03-14 12:13:51 AM  
1 votes:
Knowing how I feel when people request really banal, played-out covers at gigs, I'd feel the same way these c*nty bartenders do. However, because I like keeping a party (and tips) going, I'll play their stupid request for "Blister in the Sun" with a smile and some joking around.

Would they sh*t on me for asking for bourbon with a twist of lemon? Probably but that is freaking good.
 
Displayed 84 of 84 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
Advertisement
On Twitter






In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report