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(NYPost)   New York City presents: the douchetender. Coming soon to a bar near you   (nypost.com) divider line 305
    More: Asinine, New York City, Carroll Gardens, Bombay Sapphire  
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17519 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Mar 2013 at 1:09 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-14 03:03:15 AM

hubris73: Not every business should have to cater to your every desire - there are enough of us out there who are interested and excited to learn about things beyond our knowledge to keep places like this going - those of us who respect expertise over our own predilections and taste.


So, what is it about me ordering my rum and coke that prevents you from taking whatever the bartender wants to serve you?
 
2013-03-14 03:05:04 AM
I went to the secret chinatown joint a few years back. The drinks aren't spectacular. They also suffer the delusion that putting absenthe in a cocktail is a good idea. It's hideous and there must have been 5 drinks on tje menu with it. I actually didn't have a great time. Too farkng pretentious.
 
2013-03-14 03:07:25 AM

factoryconnection: Knowing how I feel when people request really banal, played-out covers at gigs, I'd feel the same way these c*nty bartenders do. However, because I like keeping a party (and tips) going, I'll play their stupid request for "Blister in the Sun" with a smile and some joking around.

Would they sh*t on me for asking for bourbon with a twist of lemon? Probably but that is freaking good.


What do you have against the Violent Femmes?
 
2013-03-14 03:09:50 AM

AverageAmericanGuy: alienated: Next you will be calling me a n00b for liking grey goose and Hawaiian Punch ...

Protip: Costco vodka will save you a lot of money if you are trying to get highschool girls drunk like this.


um, no . I have zero interest in anyone under 30.   Link relatedhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_H_sVNgvf4
 
2013-03-14 03:10:33 AM
Give me 2 shots of Kraken black rum, and fark off...
 
2013-03-14 03:13:15 AM

Scorpitron is reduced to a thin red paste: giftedmadness: Scorpitron is reduced to a thin red paste: NY Post.  Yeah, not buying it.

Not buying what? Do u think they made up all those quotes?

Seriously?  A handful of quotes from some random friends makes some kind big cultural event?  C'mon, dude.




Who said it was a big cultural event?
 
2013-03-14 03:31:20 AM
One time I just felt like having a highball.  No real reason.... just felt like having a highball.  Hipster-aszed joint.  They've got five kinds of single-barrel bourbon and some kind of hipster pure-cane cola.  I ask him to make me a frickin' highball.  He refuses to ruin the good bourbon.  So I order a pure cane cola and a double boubon and mix it myself right in front of the twunt.  Dumbarsed New Yorker wanted to lecture me about ruining the good bourbon til I told him I grew up in Louisville and have forgot more about bourbon than he'll ever know.

/Was a damned good highball.
 
2013-03-14 03:32:54 AM

Ebbelwoi: He refuses to ruin the good bourbon.


What a douche. Like you could ruin bourbon.
 
2013-03-14 03:34:37 AM
Given enough E or LSD or blow, it all tastes like water and goes down just as easy.

Drugs. They led me to drink.
 
2013-03-14 03:46:04 AM

SuperNinjaToad: I wonder what would happen if someone at this bar orders a bud light with a lemon on top.


Or a Corona with lime, the original 'let's act like pretentious douches and see how far we can push this thing. Besides, we're wasting limes!'

I'd go with ya just to order both.
Then we can order some long island iced teas.
 
2013-03-14 03:47:23 AM
Gimmie a whiskey neat and hold the horsesh*t.
 
2013-03-14 03:53:06 AM

SpiderQueenDemon: Shadow Blasko: magneticmushroom: Shadow Blasko: [questionablecontent.net image 600x1418]

/Basically anyone could post about 500 of QC's 2400 comics in this thread..

Even Jeph Jacques says he'd have a hard time being friends with Faye. I wouldn't want her serving me coffee either. Raven, please.

Faye reminds me a LOT of some of my Southern friends who are generally broken, but I think I would much rather hang with Hanners. I have experience in dealing with those variety of neuroses.

To date? probably none of them... *maybe* Marbear, if Momo and I could get her to clean her act up.

/Works in a "Library" of sorts... selling books though.
//Has my own Sarlaac Pit Of Platonic Frustration.

I have some Hannelore-ish tendencies myself. Whenever a bartender asks me what I want, I ask them what they recommend, assuming that they, as professional bartenders, must know more than I, a mere drinker.

Strangely enough, everything suggested has been delicious. There's a thing called a Dark n' Stormy, which is rum and ginger beer, that I've been coming back and ordering happily for weeks.


Ooo.
Back to rum again, tho? I'm too old to make it through THAT again.

Sounds yum. Dark thick rum and real ginger beer... a drink as well as a cake!

/rum cake this weekend!
 
2013-03-14 04:09:37 AM

doglover: [www.nypost.com image 300x300]

Shea Berry says she got snubbed for ordering a vodka martini at Prime Meats.

There's so much wrong with this.... I can't be on her side.


Let's start with the 40-something dressing like a 20-something and doing the teenager duckface.
 
2013-03-14 04:18:22 AM

Yogimus: doglover: [www.nypost.com image 300x300]

Shea Berry says she got snubbed for ordering a vodka martini at Prime Meats.

There's so much wrong with this.... I can't be on her side.

Let's start with the 40-something dressing like a 20-something and doing the teenager duckface.


Trying to order a vodka version of a gin cocktail with bottle red hair and dressing to match her dye job while holding a fishbowl upside down in front of her.

I could go on, but really can you blame the bartender if THAT walked into his bar and acted half as self righteous as the article implies. I mean, she even brought her own giant glass in the hopes to get extra booze. Who does that?
 
2013-03-14 04:26:50 AM

spaten: Klippoklondike: That's why i like dive bars.  Nobody gives a fark what you drink.  And free pool.

Where are these free pool places you speak of?


Tarantula Billiards, downtown Denver

Zanzibar Billiards, about a mile north; they even have a hot tub!

Gold Crowns, not shiatty bar boxes.  Great cheap food, sexiest bartenders.
 
2013-03-14 04:31:07 AM
The problem as I see it is this.  When the d-bag bartender 'refused to make the drink',  all the customers in the article just took it.  The woman's father ordered 3 times?  The solution is one of two things.

1. I'd like a rum and coke.
(sigh) no I wouldn't lower myself blablabla
Ok (customer walks out, goes somewhere else, does not reward this behavior)
and/or
2. I'd like a run and coke
(Sigh) no I wouldn't lower myself blablabla
Great.  Go get your manager. (manager sees money.  Let him know yours is walking out the door, and why,  and watch that bullshiat stop right there.)
 
2013-03-14 04:34:21 AM
Hmmm. Yeah. I somehow doubt this is the whole story.
 
2013-03-14 04:38:47 AM
So, we're all f*cked up about who gets to drink what, where, what they get to dress like, what they should be allowed to put in what kind of drink and who should be obliged or not obliged to make it or serve it.  [√].  Next failed economy, please.
 
2013-03-14 04:42:29 AM

BarkingUnicorn: Zanzibar Billiards, about a mile north; they even have a hot tub!


How much do I have to pay you to do a shot of that hot tub water at last call?
 
2013-03-14 05:00:28 AM

Leishu: Hmmm. Yeah. I somehow doubt this is the whole story.


Probably the author and his friends got 86'd for snorting coke in the bathroom.
 
2013-03-14 05:04:30 AM
Shut up and give me my Everclear and red Gatorade, asshole.

/Because I want to get drunk RIGHT NOW
//And I may have to do some running later
///Electrolytes!
 
2013-03-14 05:11:35 AM
Far as I can tell, the correct way to deal with this would be to order the day's special and then tear a strip off the bartender. "What is this? It's shiat. It's shiat. I wouldn't even pour this out over my grandfather's grave? Who taught you how to make drinks, douchetender? Your cocker spaniel?"
 
2013-03-14 05:21:37 AM
If you can't find a vodka tonic in New York, you should be happy that snooty bartenders are the only ones giving you a hard time.
 
2013-03-14 05:31:12 AM

doglover: Ebbelwoi: He refuses to ruin the good bourbon.

What a douche. Like you could ruin bourbon.


I laughed out loud.

/ Best bourbon I ever had was in the Oriental (Asian-style) Bourbon Chicken.  The smoky flavor went well with the rice.
 
2013-03-14 05:32:37 AM
He had the nerve to go to Apothéke, a faux-secret bar in Chinatown with a 19th-century-pharmacy theme,

Oh, I think I get it.  This poor guy from out of town stumbled into the Max Fish crowd's newest watering hole and made the mistake of not feeling instantly homicidal.
 
2013-03-14 05:34:26 AM
people want what they want.  if it is your business to do this, you do it.  if you are unwilling to do this, get out of the business because you're a dick.
 
2013-03-14 05:39:21 AM

cptjeff: factoryconnection: Knowing how I feel when people request really banal, played-out covers at gigs, I'd feel the same way these c*nty bartenders do. However, because I like keeping a party (and tips) going, I'll play their stupid request for "Blister in the Sun" with a smile and some joking around.

Would they sh*t on me for asking for bourbon with a twist of lemon? Probably but that is freaking good.

No, and they'd probably give you a pretty nice bourbon.

The disdain is for idiots who go into a craft cocktail bar and order something without taste. Your "premium" vodka is a marketing scam, not a quality drink. And they're not going to serve you a Bud Light.

The Snow Dog: When you work for tips, you'd be an idiot to try and make your customers feel abused. W

These guys are not working for tips in a dive bar. These guys are making $15 cocktails for a clientele that generally appreciates nuance in flavor and aren't ordering vodka tonics or light beer.

GuyCaballero: "vodka soda" is code for "get me drunk fast, here's my money." Every bartender knows it, loves making them because they're easy, and knows you'll be back soon.

While it's perfectly reasonable to hate the people they talk about in this article, they're a rare breed. Most barkeeps love a fast order and a good tip. Just keep it rolling and there's no problem.

These guys ain't even close to working in that kind of bar. I've been to the kind of bar these guys work at- you pay though the nose, and you order off the menu, or ask for a serious drink, not a vodka strawberry friz. And what you get is goddamn wonderful.

Gyrfalcon: "How to drive away your high-end clientele in only one night."

I mean, really. You might attract the hipster/preppy chic crowd, but you're going to lose all the lawyers and brokers and middle-management who just want their vodak and sodas and basic gin-and-tonics; and once your "artisanal gin" is no longer ironically trendy enough, the hipsters will find someplace else and the guys with all the money will have found someplace else.

But hey, why should I ruin all your fun?

No, you don't drive those people away, because high end clientele generally know that you don't go to a craft cocktail bar for a gin and tonic. You order a real drink when you go there, not least because it's one of the few places you can.

Seriously folks, they have the cheaper sling whatever crappy drinks you want places in NYC too- these are the equivalent of fine dining. You order something nice, not tasteless shiat to get hammered. If that's not your scene, fine. But going into a craft cocktail bar and ordering a vodka tonic is like going into Chez Paul in Jorts and trying to order pop tarts. Don't.


Disdain? Craft? Nuance? Chez Paul? STFU, you pretentious high roller! Though I can adapt to your environment, you'd be tarred an feathered before you EVER got a taste of Eastern Kentucky corn squeezins! Please sound more pompous next go round!
 
2013-03-14 05:41:23 AM

Eddie Ate Dynamite: Shut up and give me my Everclear and red Gatorade, asshole.

/Because I want to get drunk RIGHT NOW
//And I may have to do some running later
///Electrolytes!


Im with YOU. Do you mind a late breakfast ?
 
2013-03-14 05:49:21 AM

Yogimus: doglover: [www.nypost.com image 300x300]

Shea Berry says she got snubbed for ordering a vodka martini at Prime Meats.

There's so much wrong with this.... I can't be on her side.

Let's start with the 40-something dressing like a 20-something and doing the teenager duckface.


Seriously, shouldn't she be in Santa Monica?
 
2013-03-14 05:58:45 AM

ReapTheChaos: "The rum and Coke is "a hideous waste of rum," says Phil Ward. "All you taste is the Coke."

If that's true then you're either using watered down rum or you mix weak drinks.


Cuban rum and coke is farking GOOD.

//It's legal in Canada.
 
2013-03-14 06:03:46 AM

thamike: Seriously, shouldn't she be in Santa Monica?


No. Santa Monica is full. overflow to Miami.

A bartender that won't make a simple drink off menu is basically a turd. And probably still lives at home.
 
2013-03-14 06:05:18 AM
Worthless elitist hipster trash?  Working as bartenders?  In New York?  Say it isn't so!
 
2013-03-14 06:09:03 AM
Never been anywhere the bartender had time to criticize my order because other customers either need drinks or conversation, and being prompt with those gives better tips. I could throw together any drink I order back in my house without concerns of how I am getting home and for tremendously less than a night's tab, but I am making the trip and paying the premium for atmosphere.

As to the folks in the article, who the f*ck will let themselves be bullied into ordering something not wanted? I'll walk away in a heartbeat. Sure, the place may not carry vodka or coke, but this does not mean the bartender gets to substitute whatever drink best appeals to them and force payment.
 
2013-03-14 06:11:27 AM

alienated: Eddie Ate Dynamite: Shut up and give me my Everclear and red Gatorade, asshole.

/Because I want to get drunk RIGHT NOW
//And I may have to do some running later
///Electrolytes!

Im with YOU. Do you mind a late breakfast ?


Only if there's an active crime scene at the Waffle House.
 
2013-03-14 06:12:28 AM

Vangor: As to the folks in the article, who the f*ck will let themselves be bullied into ordering something not wanted?


Passive aggressive bloggers who need a story.
 
2013-03-14 06:24:48 AM

jtown: "In the end, we drank chilled gin, which we didn't want," she continues. "I was insulted."

Why???  Why the fark would you buy anything from someone who just insulted you?  You're in farking New farking York farking City for farking fark's sake!  There are other bars!  Go to another bar where they don't treat you like shiat.


I'm done. This is THE proper response to these idiots. And by idiots I mean the bartenders and the customers.
 
2013-03-14 06:26:48 AM
What do you expect from a gay bartender.  Gays and lesbians are for the most part, nasty and ugly people to work with and for.
 
2013-03-14 06:49:11 AM

Shadow Blasko: magneticmushroom: Shadow Blasko: [questionablecontent.net image 600x1418]

/Basically anyone could post about 500 of QC's 2400 comics in this thread..

Even Jeph Jacques says he'd have a hard time being friends with Faye. I wouldn't want her serving me coffee either. Raven, please.

Faye reminds me a LOT of some of my Southern friends who are generally broken, but I think I would much rather hang with Hanners. I have experience in dealing with those variety of neuroses.

To date? probably none of them... *maybe* Marbear, if Momo and I could get her to clean her act up.


Dora for me.

Of course, I like my coffee like I like my women...murky and bitter.
 
2013-03-14 06:57:42 AM
Years ago, when mixology was a cause, it was edgy.

No. Being a bar tender has never been edgy. It's a job for drunks, "artists", and other people who don't want real jobs.
 
2013-03-14 06:58:13 AM
they may not carry coke products, but I carry my own Coca-Cola from Mexico.
A tall Bacardi gold, Coke and a twist of lime, please...
The coca and rum make a new flavor not found with american new coke today, because they have removed the coca, but with Mexican Coke, the flavor is still there.
 
2013-03-14 06:58:44 AM

cptjeff: Soupysales: OFFENDING DRINK: The Long Island iced tea is "pure gluttony," says Ward. Ordering one "is admitting that you want as much booze as possible, without a conception of what it is."

APPROVED DRINK: "If you want to get bombed right away, order a zombie," he says. "It's boozier than a Long Island iced tea and really delicious."

I don't get why one is acceptable and the other isn't. If this guy actually exists, I hope his urethra gets infested with spiders.

Because the zombie actually balances out the flavors instead of dumping as many random types of booze together as you can?

You do not go to places like this to get hammered. You go there for the best goddamn tasting cocktail you've had in your life. Vodka anything is antithetical to that. It shouldn't surprise you that people who work balancing drinks to have absolute perfect balances of flavor (seriously, some of these places get out the eyedropper) are gonna be offended when you ignore all the drinks they've spent a lot of time and effort getting absolutely perfect and ask for something flavorless you get at a dive bar because it's impossible to screw up.


Isn't that sort of a pointless endeavor, since people have different taste palates?  Taste-bud distribution is a biological thing.

Best you could do is perfectly balance a cocktail for YOU, and some small percent of the population, I'd think...
 
2013-03-14 07:02:59 AM

PunGent: cptjeff: Soupysales: OFFENDING DRINK: The Long Island iced tea is "pure gluttony," says Ward. Ordering one "is admitting that you want as much booze as possible, without a conception of what it is."

APPROVED DRINK: "If you want to get bombed right away, order a zombie," he says. "It's boozier than a Long Island iced tea and really delicious."

I don't get why one is acceptable and the other isn't. If this guy actually exists, I hope his urethra gets infested with spiders.

Because the zombie actually balances out the flavors instead of dumping as many random types of booze together as you can?

You do not go to places like this to get hammered. You go there for the best goddamn tasting cocktail you've had in your life. Vodka anything is antithetical to that. It shouldn't surprise you that people who work balancing drinks to have absolute perfect balances of flavor (seriously, some of these places get out the eyedropper) are gonna be offended when you ignore all the drinks they've spent a lot of time and effort getting absolutely perfect and ask for something flavorless you get at a dive bar because it's impossible to screw up.

Isn't that sort of a pointless endeavor, since people have different taste palates?  Taste-bud distribution is a biological thing.

Best you could do is perfectly balance a cocktail for YOU, and some small percent of the population, I'd think...


What he's basically said this entire thread is that if you disagree with a "mixologist" or a "chef", you're wrong. If things that they say taste good don't taste good to you, you are wrong. That kind of thing.
 
2013-03-14 07:19:51 AM
The Douchtender is not coming soon -- he has been at a plethora of NYC bars for a long, long time. I love the cocktail revival that is going on there for the delicious, well crafted drinks you can get, but the douchiness gets a bit overwhelming. That said, I do love both Prime Meats and Death &Co, and they both make excellent cocktails.
 
2013-03-14 07:24:47 AM
Re-reading the headline, I've just had an alternate interpretation: vaginal cocktails.

That's a million dollar idea, and I give it to you freely to exploit. I just ask that you credit me as "Pennsylvania Col: Cent E Pede" as the founder of the tradition in your official press releases.
 
2013-03-14 07:25:14 AM
Having worked as a mixologist, I have these observations:

1.  Martini drinkers can be pains regarding the gin-to-vermouth ratio.

2.  It's creepy when they order a Bosom Caresser while fixating on your chest.

3.  Drinks with cute names are seldom any good.

4.  Vodka drinkers are easy to please.

5.  It's not good form to order a Pousse café in a busy bar.

6.  I'm impressed when someone orders a Sazerac or a French 75 or a Ramos Gin Fizz.

7.  Snotty mixologist attitudes are translated into poor tips.

8.  You DO tip the mixologist and the server!.
 
2013-03-14 07:30:37 AM

Shadow Blasko: ReapTheChaos: "The rum and Coke is "a hideous waste of rum," says Phil Ward. "All you taste is the Coke."

If that's true then you're either using watered down rum or you mix weak drinks.

This!

/Blackheart and Diet Coke please.


I think you are the one that recommended Blackheart to me. I finally found it in the liquor store and picked up a bottle. Thank you good sir. I like it.
 
2013-03-14 07:31:19 AM
Don't go to shiatty bars and you won't get shiatty service. And yes if your bartender gives you any grief over anything you order you are in a shiatty bar.
 
2013-03-14 07:31:22 AM

eViLpOpTaRt: 8. You DO tip the mixologist and the server!.


For what, opening the beer bottle?  Tell ya what, sweet tits, leave the caps on.
 
2013-03-14 07:31:46 AM

eViLpOpTaRt: mixologist


Unless you invent some kind of super gin that actually makes me sexier as opposed to just thinking I am, you're just a bartender.
 
2013-03-14 07:35:42 AM
Eh, every shiatheel working a job a robot can perform likes to inflate their skills and importance.

I once asked a bartender at a spot that only serves faux artsy booze if he ever considered that nobody buys or carries it because it sucks. He was confident is was just because people are stupid. That said, he swore his angle was more of helping local small time players emerge and get exposure.
 
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