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(NYPost)   New York City presents: the douchetender. Coming soon to a bar near you   (nypost.com) divider line 305
    More: Asinine, New York City, Carroll Gardens, Bombay Sapphire  
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17526 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Mar 2013 at 1:09 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-14 12:02:01 AM  
That's why i like dive bars.  Nobody gives a fark what you drink.  And free pool.
 
2013-03-14 12:13:51 AM  
Knowing how I feel when people request really banal, played-out covers at gigs, I'd feel the same way these c*nty bartenders do. However, because I like keeping a party (and tips) going, I'll play their stupid request for "Blister in the Sun" with a smile and some joking around.

Would they sh*t on me for asking for bourbon with a twist of lemon? Probably but that is freaking good.
 
2013-03-14 12:42:10 AM  
questionablecontent.net

/Basically anyone could post about 500 of QC's 2400 comics in this thread..
 
2013-03-14 01:12:43 AM  
But vodka sodas are moron drinks...
 
2013-03-14 01:15:24 AM  

factoryconnection: Knowing how I feel when people request really banal, played-out covers at gigs, I'd feel the same way these c*nty bartenders do. However, because I like keeping a party (and tips) going, I'll play their stupid request for "Blister in the Sun" with a smile and some joking around.

Would they sh*t on me for asking for bourbon with a twist of lemon? Probably but that is freaking good.


Blister in the Sun is bad request for a cover band? I'd have only thought so because they might not know it...

/hangs head in shame
 
2013-03-14 01:17:02 AM  
"How to drive away your high-end clientele in only one night."

I mean, really. You might attract the hipster/preppy chic crowd, but you're going to lose all the lawyers and brokers and middle-management who just want their vodak and sodas and basic gin-and-tonics; and once your "artisanal gin" is no longer ironically trendy enough, the hipsters will find someplace else and the guys with all the money will have found someplace else.

But hey, why should I ruin all your fun?
 
2013-03-14 01:17:49 AM  
The important thing is to stay angry.
 
2013-03-14 01:18:00 AM  
"In the end, we drank chilled gin, which we didn't want," she continues. "I was insulted."

Why???  Why the fark would you buy anything from someone who just insulted you?  You're in farking New farking York farking City for farking fark's sake!  There are other bars!  Go to another bar where they don't treat you like shiat.
 
2013-03-14 01:18:39 AM  

Shadow Blasko: [questionablecontent.net image 600x1418]

/Basically anyone could post about 500 of QC's 2400 comics in this thread..


Even Jeph Jacques says he'd have a hard time being friends with Faye. I wouldn't want her serving me coffee either. Raven, please.
 
2013-03-14 01:20:47 AM  
I will make it my life mission to travel to these establishments and request a Miller High Life, my favorite beverage. Come at me bro.

/Miller Low Life. Because I am one.
 
rpl
2013-03-14 01:21:15 AM  
 
2013-03-14 01:21:56 AM  

Klippoklondike: That's why i like dive bars.  Nobody gives a fark what you drink.  And free pool.


Where are these free pool places you speak of?
 
2013-03-14 01:25:58 AM  
Alcohol snobs are always some of the funniest people to me. I've never got why it matters so much to them if people's taste in booze differs from theirs. To me, it seems like they really aren't all that secure in their tastes. Any time someone brings something different from what they want they perceive it as a challenge to what they like. They worry that they might be having the "wrong" drink.

Something tells me no establishment to does this will survive for all that long. Whatever snobby crowd it attracts will move on when suddenly what the bar is doing is uncool.
 
2013-03-14 01:26:15 AM  
The NY Post is the daily mail of the US. I doubt any of this is actually happening. So many boring shiatty links to drive me off to reddit.
 
2013-03-14 01:26:46 AM  

magneticmushroom: Shadow Blasko: [questionablecontent.net image 600x1418]

/Basically anyone could post about 500 of QC's 2400 comics in this thread..

Even Jeph Jacques says he'd have a hard time being friends with Faye. I wouldn't want her serving me coffee either. Raven, please.


Faye reminds me a LOT of some of my Southern friends who are generally broken, but I think I would much rather hang with Hanners. I have experience in dealing with those variety of neuroses.

To date? probably none of them... *maybe* Marbear, if Momo and I could get her to clean her act up.

/Works in a "Library" of sorts... selling books though.
//Has my own Sarlaac Pit Of Platonic Frustration.
 
2013-03-14 01:28:14 AM  
"In the end, we drank chilled gin, which we didn't want,"

Because you are a foppish twunt.
 
2013-03-14 01:28:24 AM  
99.9% of us are only assholes after you don't tip. I've run across several bartenders like this though, that feel entitled because they're the bartender and they're in NYC. Fark that crap.

/Bartender in both gay and straight bars for 5 years
//Not working in nightlife anymore, I got sick of never seeing sunlight. Or seeing sunlight on New Years Day, which was my last day
///I was pale as paper before, during, and now after
 
2013-03-14 01:28:56 AM  
I'd like to go to that bar just so I could order real obscure cocktails and have him fail.
 
2013-03-14 01:29:28 AM  
That's why I like Detroit.  They'll serve you anything and be happy about it.
 
2013-03-14 01:29:40 AM  
To Hipsters. The cause of, but not the solution to, all of life's problems!

www.rifuture.org
 
2013-03-14 01:33:30 AM  

spaten: Klippoklondike: That's why i like dive bars.  Nobody gives a fark what you drink.  And free pool.

Where are these free pool places you speak of?


Would enjoy that, too! If they actually had pool tables LOL

I just order a triple Beam or Crown and top it off with Coke (usually room for about half a shot of Coke or so, sometimes less depending on how good the bartender is.. lol) and I'm happy.

/Usually the only places around this area that have "free pool" nights only have one or two pool tables... so it's like saying 'free food' and tossing 4 or 5 day-old bologna sandwiches on the damned floor.  Seriously, who the hell would want to put their name up on the board and wait around an hour or more to save a whopping 75 cents to $1.50 (depending on the bar) for a game of pool? MOST people would drink at least good 4-5 (or MORE) beers while waiting, so you would not save a cent.
 
2013-03-14 01:35:37 AM  
I'm kind of in the same vein as a few snobby TV food personalities are in this type of setup:

The chef/bartender has done their craft for "X" years and finally has control (normally) over the menu, they know what they chose and why in each and every item. If you want to order something from them and start going off like my sister and telling them to hold everything but the meat, they have a bit of a right to get irked with you. There's a reason Japan has so many great foods, it's ingrained into their culture that asking for subsitutions/whatnot is seen as a slap in the face to the chef.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Omakase
 
2013-03-14 01:37:34 AM  
"vodka soda" is code for "get me drunk fast, here's my money." Every bartender knows it, loves making them because they're easy, and knows you'll be back soon.

While it's perfectly reasonable to hate the people they talk about in this article, they're a rare breed. Most barkeeps love a fast order and a good tip. Just keep it rolling and there's no problem.
 
2013-03-14 01:38:01 AM  
NY Post.  Yeah, not buying it.
 
2013-03-14 01:39:12 AM  

GuyCaballero: "vodka soda" is code for "get me drunk fast, here's my money." Every bartender knows it, loves making them because they're easy, and knows you'll be back soon.

While it's perfectly reasonable to hate the people they talk about in this article, they're a rare breed. Most barkeeps love a fast order and a good tip. Just keep it rolling and there's no problem.


The reporter is a farking weak willed derp, and the bartender is a prissy moron who forgets his role.
 
2013-03-14 01:41:45 AM  

Yogimus: GuyCaballero: "vodka soda" is code for "get me drunk fast, here's my money." Every bartender knows it, loves making them because they're easy, and knows you'll be back soon.

While it's perfectly reasonable to hate the people they talk about in this article, they're a rare breed. Most barkeeps love a fast order and a good tip. Just keep it rolling and there's no problem.

The reporter is a farking weak willed derp, and the bartender is a prissy moron who forgets his role.


I think the whole piece is yellow journalism bullshiat designed to rile up people who live in small towns. People who know better understand bartenders are way too busy to worry about shiat like this.
 
2013-03-14 01:42:50 AM  

Klippoklondike: That's why i like dive bars.  Nobody gives a fark what you drink.  And free pool.


And the Jukebox is usually stocked full of non-douche music with the mandatory playing of One Bourbon, One Scotch, One beer every two hours.
 
2013-03-14 01:43:57 AM  
Considering I've been places where I had to instruct the bartenders on how to make a proper martini, this is the other extreme of the spectrum. Let's all find a happy medium and whatever the fark we want to drink.
 
2013-03-14 01:44:17 AM  
I ordered a frozen mudslide at Fridays once. The bartender got really upset at me and questioned my manhood. Dude, you work at Fridays, make me my damn frozen mudslide.

/still tipped, cuz you know, he works at Fridays, he needs the money more than me.
 
2013-03-14 01:47:04 AM  
I bartended for ten years. I only gave attitude to people who were rude or were bothering other customers. When you work for tips, you'd be an idiot to try and make your customers feel abused. When you've been talking to someone a while, you might rib them a little about ordering an extra dirty Chopin martini or a Bulleit and coke, but even then you don't go overboard; you still make the drink as best you can.

If I went to a bar and they gave me crappy gin instead of whiskey or something: BYE!

It is possible the people the author made up were just huge douches and the bartenders were trying to get rid of them... This article sounds very similar to the articles of that newspaper reporter that got caught faking articles and was outed by fact-checkers after they found she had been habitually fabricating quotes and people for years. Not saying it is necessarily so, but seems to be a strong possibility.

One reason I say this is the author uses the word "artisanal" in their own voice, then a paragraph or two later it shows up in a quote from Steve.

I'm not saying all of it sounds fabricated, I'm sure the bar owners / employees interviewed are for real, he could get into too much trouble too easily by faking that stuff--but the stories of the people wronged by bartenders just seem too convenient. I'd be interested in finding out how he got the stories. Did he post an online invitation like: "Send me your bartender horror stories?" Because if he did: he likely got a bunch of malarkey.

Hell, in a couple of hours you'll be able find a bunch of fictitious bullsquat in this very thread. (And some real bullsquat, too.) Kids--can YOU spot the steaming turd?
 
2013-03-14 01:48:36 AM  
I wonder what would happen if someone at this bar orders a bud light with a lemon on top.
 
2013-03-14 01:48:39 AM  
Never until now have I wished for James Bond to be a real dude, and for him to Walter PPK that hypocritical dipshiat then and there.
 
2013-03-14 01:51:27 AM  

Gyrfalcon: "How to drive away your high-end clientele in only one night."

I mean, really. You might attract the hipster/preppy chic crowd, but you're going to lose all the lawyers and brokers and middle-management who just want their vodak and sodas and basic gin-and-tonics; and once your "artisanal gin" is no longer ironically trendy enough, the hipsters will find someplace else and the guys with all the money will have found someplace else.

But hey, why should I ruin all your fun?


Done in six. Selling alcohol is all about making the customer feel good. I have shown a lot of folks some high end beers or vodkas or whatever. Many buy what I have shown or recommended, many have not.
Hell, when they go for the 12 pack of PBR cans after I spent 10 mins showing them a few craft brews and giving detailed desciptions- I still wish them a g'day. With a smile. I need to sell both products, and I really dont care if one likes they lower end products. A sale is a sale.
 
2013-03-14 01:52:02 AM  
thelionthewitchandthewardrobemalfunctioned.files.wordpress.com

What'll it be?
 
2013-03-14 01:52:03 AM  
I don't see a problem here. Any bar that has multiple sizes of ice isn't a place one can generally afford to get drunk. And face it, mixing vodka into your soda doesn't sound like a good idea when you're sober.
 
2013-03-14 01:52:12 AM  

Yogimus: GuyCaballero: "vodka soda" is code for "get me drunk fast, here's my money." Every bartender knows it, loves making them because they're easy, and knows you'll be back soon.

While it's perfectly reasonable to hate the people they talk about in this article, they're a rare breed. Most barkeeps love a fast order and a good tip. Just keep it rolling and there's no problem.

The reporter is a farking weak willed derp, and the bartender is a prissy moron who forgets his role.


I agree. I understand what the bartender is saying about drinking alcoholic beverages that hide the flavor, but still, they're customers! Suggest to them something different, see if they're interested, and if not serve them their boring or flavor masking drink! The reporter there is probably just supposed to be reporting on the phenomena of "douchetenders", but don't accept something totally different from what you ordered just because the bartender tells you what you will have to drink, you tell HIM what you want to drink!  If there is a bottle there of the stuff, point it out to him and say, "Well thanks for the suggestion, but I want Bombay Sapphire. If you don't want to serve it, don't have it available at your bar on the shelf to pretend to show off how "well" your bar is stocked!"
 
2013-03-14 01:55:10 AM  
I dunno, maybe as opposed to calling stuff trash drink and insulting your customers, you offer something in the same vein that is up to your "standards". Even offer a sample of the cocktail or something, you know, show the customer you care.
 
2013-03-14 01:56:13 AM  

Phil Moskowitz: The NY Post is the daily mail of the US. I doubt any of this is actually happening. So many boring shiatty links to drive me off to reddit.


Oh, it's happening. What the article doesn't mention is that the bars which aren't apologetic about it are charging $16 for a cocktail - an outrageous price even here. You should know you're being douched the second you see the cocktail menu. If not, you're probably a douche yourself and will enjoy the humiliation as "education."
 
2013-03-14 01:56:39 AM  
"The rum and Coke is "a hideous waste of rum," says Phil Ward. "All you taste is the Coke."

If that's true then you're either using watered down rum or you mix weak drinks.
 
2013-03-14 01:58:59 AM  

ReapTheChaos: "The rum and Coke is "a hideous waste of rum," says Phil Ward. "All you taste is the Coke."

If that's true then you're either using watered down rum or you mix weak drinks.


This!

/Blackheart and Diet Coke please.
 
2013-03-14 02:01:11 AM  
My biggest Manhattan bar Faux Paux was when I was stuck near the door of a dive bar and I decided to start carding people walking in. I wasn't a dick about it, I just looked at their ID's, then welcomed them in.

The bartender saw me doing it and freaked out, threatening to call the Police. I told him to go ahead.

Sure, I shouldn't have been doing it. But I didn't turn anyone away. Hey, free bouncer.
 
2013-03-14 02:01:45 AM  

sycraft: Alcohol snobs are always some of the funniest people to me. I've never got why it matters so much to them if people's taste in booze differs from theirs. To me, it seems like they really aren't all that secure in their tastes. Any time someone brings something different from what they want they perceive it as a challenge to what they like. They worry that they might be having the "wrong" drink.

Something tells me no establishment to does this will survive for all that long. Whatever snobby crowd it attracts will move on when suddenly what the bar is doing is uncool.


I don't know... coworker was telling me yesterday about his favorite Irish pub that kicked out two newcomers after they not only ordered Bud Light, but then asked for limes.

Then again, that sounded like the kind of place where the bartender is the owner and once you're in his good graces you're not gonna go anywhere else.  That business model survives just fine.  Fad of the month stuff, eh, probably not.
 
2013-03-14 02:01:45 AM  
Some days I want a neat sipping tequila that will last for half an hour while I savor the delightful notes of oak and whatever other bullshiat. And sometimes I just want a damn rum and Coke so I can forget for a few hours that life is cruel. If I want your snobby-ass opinion I will ask for it. Otherwise give me my damn brain-altering chemical in the form I asked you for.
 
2013-03-14 02:03:04 AM  

Shadow Blasko: magneticmushroom: Shadow Blasko: [questionablecontent.net image 600x1418]

/Basically anyone could post about 500 of QC's 2400 comics in this thread..

Even Jeph Jacques says he'd have a hard time being friends with Faye. I wouldn't want her serving me coffee either. Raven, please.

Faye reminds me a LOT of some of my Southern friends who are generally broken, but I think I would much rather hang with Hanners. I have experience in dealing with those variety of neuroses.

To date? probably none of them... *maybe* Marbear, if Momo and I could get her to clean her act up.

/Works in a "Library" of sorts... selling books though.
//Has my own Sarlaac Pit Of Platonic Frustration.


I have some Hannelore-ish tendencies myself. Whenever a bartender asks me what I want, I ask them what they recommend, assuming that they, as professional bartenders, must know more than I, a mere drinker.

Strangely enough, everything suggested has been delicious. There's a thing called a Dark n' Stormy, which is rum and ginger beer, that I've been coming back and ordering happily for weeks.
 
2013-03-14 02:04:01 AM  
Sorry guys but Bruno Mooshei is dead thirteen years, and we burned his DNA.
 
2013-03-14 02:04:20 AM  

factoryconnection: Knowing how I feel when people request really banal, played-out covers at gigs, I'd feel the same way these c*nty bartenders do. However, because I like keeping a party (and tips) going, I'll play their stupid request for "Blister in the Sun" with a smile and some joking around.

Would they sh*t on me for asking for bourbon with a twist of lemon? Probably but that is freaking good.


You'd have more of a reason to tell them to fark off, everyone in the place has to listen to their song request. My drink on the other hand won't affect anyone else, so those bartenders should just shut up and do their job.

Also the bartender's assumption that what they believe tastes good must taste good for everyone is retarded. (Yah I said the R word).
 
2013-03-14 02:05:00 AM  

factoryconnection: Knowing how I feel when people request really banal, played-out covers at gigs, I'd feel the same way these c*nty bartenders do. However, because I like keeping a party (and tips) going, I'll play their stupid request for "Blister in the Sun" with a smile and some joking around.

Would they sh*t on me for asking for bourbon with a twist of lemon? Probably but that is freaking good.


No, and they'd probably give you a pretty nice bourbon.

The disdain is for idiots who go into a craft cocktail bar and order something without taste. Your "premium" vodka is a marketing scam, not a quality drink. And they're not going to serve you a Bud Light.

The Snow Dog: When you work for tips, you'd be an idiot to try and make your customers feel abused. W


These guys are not working for tips in a dive bar. These guys are making $15 cocktails for a clientele that generally appreciates nuance in flavor and aren't ordering vodka tonics or light beer.

GuyCaballero: "vodka soda" is code for "get me drunk fast, here's my money." Every bartender knows it, loves making them because they're easy, and knows you'll be back soon.

While it's perfectly reasonable to hate the people they talk about in this article, they're a rare breed. Most barkeeps love a fast order and a good tip. Just keep it rolling and there's no problem.


These guys ain't even close to working in that kind of bar. I've been to the kind of bar these guys work at- you pay though the nose, and you order off the menu, or ask for a serious drink, not a vodka strawberry friz. And what you get is goddamn wonderful.

Gyrfalcon: "How to drive away your high-end clientele in only one night."

I mean, really. You might attract the hipster/preppy chic crowd, but you're going to lose all the lawyers and brokers and middle-management who just want their vodak and sodas and basic gin-and-tonics; and once your "artisanal gin" is no longer ironically trendy enough, the hipsters will find someplace else and the guys with all the money will have found someplace else.

But hey, why should I ruin all your fun?


No, you don't drive those people away, because high end clientele generally know that you don't go to a craft cocktail bar for a gin and tonic. You order a real drink when you go there, not least because it's one of the few places you can.

Seriously folks, they have the cheaper sling whatever crappy drinks you want places in NYC too- these are the equivalent of fine dining. You order something nice, not tasteless shiat to get hammered. If that's not your scene, fine. But going into a craft cocktail bar and ordering a vodka tonic is like going into Chez Paul in Jorts and trying to order pop tarts. Don't.
 
2013-03-14 02:07:32 AM  

Shadow Blasko: ReapTheChaos: "The rum and Coke is "a hideous waste of rum," says Phil Ward. "All you taste is the Coke."

If that's true then you're either using watered down rum or you mix weak drinks.

This!

/Blackheart and Diet Coke please.


Highball glass
a couple ice cubes.  Fill most of the glass with anejo rum
top it off by waving the coke gun in the general vicinity of the glass
drink
repeat until drunk
 
2013-03-14 02:08:42 AM  
 OFFENDING DRINK: The Long Island iced tea is "pure gluttony," says Ward. Ordering one "is admitting that you want as much booze as possible, without a conception of what it is."

APPROVED DRINK: "If you want to get bombed right away, order a zombie," he says. "It's boozier than a Long Island iced tea and really delicious."


I don't get why one is acceptable and the other isn't. If this guy actually exists, I hope his urethra gets infested with spiders.
 
2013-03-14 02:08:50 AM  

SpiderQueenDemon: There's a thing called a Dark n' Stormy, which is rum and ginger beer, that I've been coming back and ordering happily for weeks.


Strangely enough, I think Dark & Stormy's were mentioned on QC once...

And they are quite tasty!
 
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