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26344 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Mar 2013 at 2:13 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»


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Archived thread
2013-03-13 02:17:48 PM
13 votes:
Good.  Can we just get over this already?

Speaking as a non-Catholic, I find it completely absurd that the news media is portraying this as some sort of gigantic event for all of humanity.  My coffee will still taste the same tomorrow...  In other words, it means less than nothing to me.
2013-03-13 03:20:20 PM
11 votes:
Seriously, for those without at least a Catholic background, choosing Francis as a name is a big farking deal. Very dedicated to helping the poor and oppressed, and members of Franciscan orders are incredibly nice people who generally don't give a shiat about the doctrinaire aspects. Very nice and humble people, and by choosing Francis as his name, well- that probably means he's going to be shifting the focus of the church a bit in a way that should make people happy.
2013-03-13 02:28:05 PM
7 votes:

durbnpoisn: Good.  Can we just get over this already?

Speaking as a non-Catholic, I find it completely absurd that the news media is portraying this as some sort of gigantic event for all of humanity.  My coffee will still taste the same tomorrow...  In other words, it means less than nothing to me.


Also speaking as a non-Catholic; the fact that you happen to think that it's not a big event says nothing about whether or not is actually is a major event. The Catholic Church is one of the largest, oldest, and most influential organizations in the history of civilization. Period. There are over 1.2 billion Catholics, and over 400,000 priests in the Church - not including the monastic orders, lay orders, and other affiliated organizations. The Pope has a remarkable amount of influence in the doctrinal decisions of the church, and church policy influences state policy in dozens of nations all over the world. The political and theological positions of the next pope will help to shape the church's stance on contraception, abortion, the status of women, and a host of other social and theological issues for the next several decades at least.

You can think it's absurd; you're free to feel that it means nothing to you. But let's be honest; the election of a new pope isa big deal.
2013-03-13 02:14:42 PM
7 votes:
That was a much quicker decision than I expected.  I figured we'd be going another day or two.
2013-03-13 02:29:23 PM
5 votes:
As a Catholic, I'm very nervous about our new Pope, whoever he may be. Will he continue on with the status quo or will he really step up do what is needed for the Church. We need someone whose kneejerk reaction ISN'T "hide the skeletons as far back in the closet as humanly possible". I can't think of anything in recent times that has damaged the Church's credibility as much as the issue of child molestation and covering up for those clergy who preyed on the most innocent among their congregation.

People would have a lot more respect for the Church if the powers that be had just stepped up and said "we've uncovered monsters in our midst and are turning him over to the authorities".
2013-03-13 02:26:39 PM
5 votes:

durbnpoisn: My coffee will still taste the same tomorrow... In other words, it means less than nothing to me.


If Best Korea attacked South Korea and Japan, and China stepped in and helped Best Korea, and then a few people dropped big bombs that killed millions of people....

....your coffee would still taste the same.  Your measure for whether something matters on the global scale is a bit...strange.
2013-03-13 02:21:00 PM
5 votes:

TomD9938: First Jewish Pope?


Wouldn't that be Peter?
2013-03-13 03:08:59 PM
4 votes:

durbnpoisn: Good.  Can we just get over this already?

Speaking as a non-Catholic, I find it completely absurd that the news media is portraying this as some sort of gigantic event for all of humanity.  My coffee will still taste the same tomorrow...  In other words, it means less than nothing to me.


Speaking as an atheist, it's a pretty big deal to 1.2 Billion humans.  What are you some kind of fruity "Jesus Rock" new aged brand of evangelical with an inferiority complex about Catholicism like most other American Christians?  You seem petty and small.
2013-03-13 02:16:35 PM
4 votes:
Scola. Calling it now.

And another few decades of backward, misogynistic, euro-centric idiocy.
2013-03-13 02:14:46 PM
4 votes:
Yes.  THIS one is good.
2013-03-13 02:14:34 PM
4 votes:
Nice.  Also happy we didn't get another "Pope is coming out" headline.
2013-03-13 07:23:08 PM
3 votes:

Stone Meadow: But Wait There's More: Conservapedia proven right again!

[i.imgur.com image 437x670]

LOL...oh yeah. Compared to Arinze, Pope Francis is a raging liberal.

(and he probably is in a pastoral sense...he seems pretty taken with that whole 1970's hippy priest thing...ya know, like walk the walk?)


Read the first 100 pages or so of Les Miserables (the part that deals with the Bishop). The whole humble, 'walk the walk' idea of church leadership ain't exactly a new one. Be warned, at that point, you'll have been sucked into the book and won't be able to escape the pull of a novel that tends to inspire a lifelong, fanatic devotion.
2013-03-13 06:21:34 PM
3 votes:

NeoCortex42: Jesuits think science is real.


The Catholics learned a lesson with Galileo and have been pretty much pro-science for some time.
2013-03-13 05:24:25 PM
3 votes:

NeoCortex42: Buchholz96: Thanks NeoCortex42 and ElChip for clarifying.

So you mean to tell me he could be Pope Ron Mexico 2nd if he just liked the name? Or does the clergy have to approve?

I think it is restricted to saint's names, or at least some version of a saint's name.  Unless the rules for Pope names are somehow more lax than confirmation names, but I doubt it.


There are no rules. The pope has the power to change the rules from the moment the ballots are counted if there are. Popes have gone by their given names before, it's entirely up to them. The only name that's off limits is Peter, and I don't think that even that is a formal rule.
2013-03-13 05:17:29 PM
3 votes:

Buchholz96: Forgive me if this has already been covered as I'm a bit late to the thread.

I'm not Catholic so can somebody please explain to me the naming convention for Popes?

How did they get Francis from Jorge Mario Bergoglio? Shouldn't he be Pope George I or something like that?

I apologize again if this is a stupid question.....

Just one of those things I've always wondered about.


Just like any other monarch, they choose their own name. There's no convention or requirement that it have anything to do with their given name. In the case of the papacy, the choice is usually loaded with symbolism and double meanings, so people spend a lot of time picking it apart. In the case of something like the British monarch, it can be symbolic, or it can just be, "I liked grandpa". Prince Charles won't be King Charles, he'll be Phillip or George.
2013-03-13 04:55:18 PM
3 votes:
I went to a Jesuit school, so I'm really getting a kick out of these replies...

Seriously, as the only Catholic left on Fark, I am thrilled with this choice.  He's been scientist, teacher, theologian, pastor, administrator, and all around cool - and very humble - person.  My liberal Catholic friends like him.  My conservative Catholic friends like him.  I knew we got the right person for the job when he asked the crowd to pray for him first, and then led them all in prayer together.

/Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam
//Hoya Saxa
2013-03-13 04:51:34 PM
3 votes:
the New Pope Name-checks St. Francis for his official Pope name?  AND he's a Jesuit?  I am WAY more encouraged about the future of the church than I've been in a long time

BTW here's an article about him Fark presciently greenlit about a week ago
2013-03-13 04:46:37 PM
3 votes:

cptjeff: They had some issues with Copernicus and Galileo, but they got over it


Actually, the Church never had any problem with Copernicus, and it's pretty clear the only reason that they threw a tantrum about Galileo's saying the same thing was that they were feeling threatened by the Reformation and went into a defensive lash-out.
2013-03-13 03:44:22 PM
3 votes:

Warthog: Care to explain to us uneducated atheists why that's a big deal?


I was raised by hippie atheists, and went to a Jesuit high school.  The Jesuits are a very progressive group.  Like someone earlier said, they actually believe in science (at my Jesuit school, we learned about evolution...there was no teach the controversy bullshiat.)

The Jesuits are very into "social justice" issues, and almost all my "religion" classes in high school were basically about how to help the poor and educating us about various social injustice in the world...stuff like that.

I was speaking with a ultra-right-wing pastor a few months ago who described the Jesuits as "completely secular".  So I suppose, by his thought, the Pope is now "secular."  But it sort of shows where the Jesuits fall relative to some of the more right-wing conservatives.

So I'm pleasantly surprised they chose a Jesuit, and I'm not even Catholic.
2013-03-13 03:33:47 PM
3 votes:
As for Francis, probably in honor of Francis Xavier.
2013-03-13 03:26:10 PM
3 votes:

durbnpoisn: Wow, this thread got out of control fast!

I went and did a little fact checking on the numbers.  While it is indeed true that Christians make up the largest religion in the world (60.43% to be precise) only 16.85% are Roman Catholic.  Muslims make up 22.74%.  Which means they outnumber the Catholics.  I think that says something about the arrogant thought that the Catholics should have so much damn say about the world.

How do you think the world would react if the media gave this much attention to the next time the Muslims choose their high leader?  Actually, I don't think that would happen because the Muslims are so unorganized.


If you're going to break out the Catholics from the rest of Christianity, you're gonna have to break apart Sunni/Shia/Sufi.
2013-03-13 03:18:35 PM
3 votes:
Thank god they got away from that Hitler youth guy, and picked someone from Argentina.

Wait a minute...
2013-03-13 03:16:20 PM
3 votes:

Warthog: WhyteRaven74: Holy farking shiat, they elected a Jesuit....

They just said this on the Beeb, too.  Care to explain to us uneducated atheists why that's a big deal?


Jesuits think science is real.
2013-03-13 03:14:59 PM
3 votes:
The Argentinian guy. Took the name Francis- means he's trying to channel the Franciscans- who are very cool people.
2013-03-13 03:14:48 PM
3 votes:
Holy farking shiat, they elected a Jesuit....
2013-03-13 03:13:57 PM
3 votes:
Pope Francisco, Cardinal Bergolio..Argentinian
2013-03-13 02:59:54 PM
3 votes:
i.imgur.com

Let the molestations begin!
2013-03-13 02:57:57 PM
3 votes:

durbnpoisn: Good.  Can we just get over this already?

Speaking as a non-Catholic, I find it completely absurd that the news media is portraying this as some sort of gigantic event for all of humanity.  My coffee will still taste the same tomorrow...  In other words, it means less than nothing to me.


The Pope is a major political figure. I'm not Catholic, but what the Catholic Church does and believes damn well affects you and me--for example, birth control? Yeah, that'll affect both of us, no matter what gender you are.

Ignoring political decisions because 'the sun will rise tomorrow' in any form is stupid and short-sighted. Politics controls huge amounts of everyone's daily life, and the majority of our important life choices. Living in a representative democracy means we have the duty to know what's going on and make good choices about our laws and representatives, not pretend they don't affect us and we're somehow 'above it'. That's dangerous for everyone.
2013-03-13 02:44:43 PM
3 votes:

Grand_Moff_Joseph: Weaver95: Petey4335: Weaver95: August11: What the hell is taking him so long? Put on the gown and get on the balcony! Sheesh.

they had to put the mind control parasite on first.

So, we're going to get a 15 year rein of this pope, he's going to die by the hands of G'kar and Vir will be the next pope?

pretty much, yeah.

Depends on if the Duras Sisters intent to interfere.


geez.  papal elections have more rules than calvinball....
2013-03-13 02:42:29 PM
3 votes:

rev. dave: MNguy: rev. dave:   I would prefer someone who would allow women Bishops and Cardinals.  Women would have a better chance at fixing the messes they have gotten into.


Haha.  Oh, wait, are you serious?  Because that is not going to happen.

I'm serious.  It will happen.  Just when is the question.  It is needed.


You really don't know much about the Catholic Church, do you?

/That question has been answered, infallibly. It's a closed issue. Forever.
2013-03-13 02:23:52 PM
3 votes:
Please tell me it's Cardinal Glick!
www.thefilmpilgrim.com
2013-03-13 02:21:50 PM
3 votes:
upload.wikimedia.org

Not impressed.
2013-03-13 02:19:11 PM
3 votes:
They live in a palace made of granite and gold with priceless art, but their chimney looks like a hobo jerry rigged it.
2013-03-13 02:18:14 PM
3 votes:
I'm honestly shocked that so many folks seem to give a shiat about this.
2013-03-13 02:17:43 PM
3 votes:
Welcome the new boss, same as the old boss
2013-03-13 02:16:08 PM
3 votes:
Millions watching a stovepipe online now have nothing to do.
2013-03-13 02:15:35 PM
3 votes:
Great headline, subby.
2013-03-13 06:01:48 PM
2 votes:

cptjeff: IC Stars: cptjeff: There are no rules. The pope has the power to change the rules from the moment the ballots are counted if there are. Popes have gone by their given names before, it's entirely up to them. The only name that's off limits is Peter, and I don't think that even that is a formal rule.

Uh Oh, I chose Peter for my confirmation name.

Was that wrong? Should I not have done that?

I was talking about pope names, dumbass. Confirmation names are a different ball of wax.


Actually, the theory between both Pope names and Confirmation names is the same:  they are chosen by the person to
reflect their philosophical goals or predilections.
2013-03-13 05:30:18 PM
2 votes:

Buchholz96: LineNoise: Buchholz96: Thanks NeoCortex42 and ElChip for clarifying.

So you mean to tell me he could be Pope Ron Mexico 2nd if he just liked the name? Or does the clergy have to approve?

Yea, it could be whatever they want. Nobody else has to aprove.

There was talk of changing the rules after Pope Enfresh the 1st, but nobody could really get all that mad at him considering how he giggled when you poked him

That's awesome!

In all seriousness though, what I'm hearing is that it has to be some derivative of a Catholic Saint. Thanks. I can check getting the answer to this off of my bucket list.

I still think it'd be sweet if it was like Pope Dirk Diggler the 1st or Pope T Bone McGillycutty the 1st.


No, they could choose those. But nobody who would choose something stupid and juvenile would make it to bishop, let alone Cardinal or Pope.
2013-03-13 05:20:27 PM
2 votes:

downstairs: Buchholz96: Forgive me if this has already been covered as I'm a bit late to the thread.

I'm not Catholic so can somebody please explain to me the naming convention for Popes?

How did they get Francis from Jorge Mario Bergoglio? Shouldn't he be Pope George I or something like that?

I apologize again if this is a stupid question.....

Just one of those things I've always wondered about.

Its totally up to the Pope.  Not sure, but I think it has to be a saint's name.  But the new Pope can choose whatever he wants in honor of a saint.

Its a Catholic thing.  When you're confirmed around 8th grade, you take a saint's name.  Mine was David.


The short of it is they can pull whatever name they want out of their ass. Generally they go with something that honors a predecessor or someone important to the faith, and gives insight into how they plan on doing their pope'in in relation to that persons life.
2013-03-13 05:17:31 PM
2 votes:

Buchholz96: Forgive me if this has already been covered as I'm a bit late to the thread.

I'm not Catholic so can somebody please explain to me the naming convention for Popes?

How did they get Francis from Jorge Mario Bergoglio? Shouldn't he be Pope George I or something like that?

I apologize again if this is a stupid question.....

Just one of those things I've always wondered about.


Its totally up to the Pope.  Not sure, but I think it has to be a saint's name.  But the new Pope can choose whatever he wants in honor of a saint.

Its a Catholic thing.  When you're confirmed around 8th grade, you take a saint's name.  Mine was David.
2013-03-13 05:13:44 PM
2 votes:

Buchholz96: Forgive me if this has already been covered as I'm a bit late to the thread.

I'm not Catholic so can somebody please explain to me the naming convention for Popes?

How did they get Francis from Jorge Mario Bergoglio? Shouldn't he be Pope George I or something like that?

I apologize again if this is a stupid question.....

Just one of those things I've always wondered about.


He picks whatever the hell he wants.  If it was a name reused by a previous Pope, then it often is seen as a sign that he wants to follow in that Pope's footsteps.
2013-03-13 04:57:08 PM
2 votes:
adamcarolla.com


They could do a lot worse than a pope Francis.

(Wait... a Jesuit Pope? That might be very cool.)
2013-03-13 04:40:49 PM
2 votes:
cptjeff The whole Francis bit was a pretty strong indication that that's where he intends to focus his efforts. And by "strong indication", I mean "baseball bat to the face". Sounds like he's a mainstream conservative on the reproductive stuff, but that stuff is probably not going to be a priority with this papacy.

Baby steps.  That's all we can ask for.
2013-03-13 04:39:03 PM
2 votes:

rev. dave: I hope that Pope Francis will do a lot for social justice.  That is more important than any issue related to reproduction.


The whole Francis bit was a pretty strong indication that that's where he intends to focus his efforts. And by "strong indication", I mean "baseball bat to the face". Sounds like he's a mainstream conservative on the reproductive stuff, but that stuff is probably not going to be a priority with this papacy.
2013-03-13 04:25:04 PM
2 votes:

js34603: Well I'm sure glad they picked someone I can continue to completely ignore while I eat meat on Fridays and have sex with my Protestant wife.


Why not take the last step and convert to Protestantism?  I would recommend the Episcopalians, my personal denomination.  Our prayers and services are fairly similar to the Catholic Church's, but we can eat whatever we want, whenever we want, use contraception, and we're cool with the gays.
2013-03-13 04:15:46 PM
2 votes:

downstairs: This text is now purple: Grand_Moff_Joseph: Wow, a guy with a Chemistry degree!  Might we get some respect for science????

Catholics aren't evangelicals.  The Big Bang came from a Catholic priest.

I can attest to this.  Went to Catholic church from birth through 9th grade.  Went to CCD as well.  Evolution was never mentioned.  Heck, I know my dad- a hard-core Irish Catholic- taught us evolution.


They had some issues with Copernicus and Galileo, but they got over it, and these days, the Catholic Church is pretty science friendly, and they have their own observatory- which, since they're not relying on year to year grants with pressure to show results, allows them to do a lot of research on multiple decade timescales that most astronomers can't. Catholics aren't the ones who bang on the "god buried dinosaur bones to test us" drum.
2013-03-13 04:12:14 PM
2 votes:

unlikely: ShawnDoc: I just hope this one isn't linked to child rape, or helping his diocese covering up child rape.

Certainly being a Jesuit and taking the name of Francis is something to be hopeful about, and maybe signals the Church bureaucracy is actually ready for some real change, rather than just paying it lip service.

"he strongly opposed legislation introduced in 2010 by the Argentine Government to allow same-sex marriage, calling it a "real and dire anthropological throwback".[11] In a letter to the monasteries of Buenos Aires, he wrote: "Let's not be naive, we're not talking about a simple political battle; it is a destructive pretension against the plan of God. We are not talking about a mere bill, but rather a machination of the Father of Lies that seeks to confuse and deceive the children of God."[12] He has also insisted that adoption by gay and lesbian people is a form of discrimination against children. "


Yes, we got it- he's still very conservative on gay marriage. Guess what? The Papacy isn't a single issue position. He seems like he could wind up being fairly liberal on many other issues. And considering the guys in that room, you're not going to get anyone near progressive on that issue.
2013-03-13 04:09:09 PM
2 votes:

unlikely: ShawnDoc: I just hope this one isn't linked to child rape, or helping his diocese covering up child rape.

Certainly being a Jesuit and taking the name of Francis is something to be hopeful about, and maybe signals the Church bureaucracy is actually ready for some real change, rather than just paying it lip service.

"he strongly opposed legislation introduced in 2010 by the Argentine Government to allow same-sex marriage, calling it a "real and dire anthropological throwback".[11] In a letter to the monasteries of Buenos Aires, he wrote: "Let's not be naive, we're not talking about a simple political battle; it is a destructive pretension against the plan of God. We are not talking about a mere bill, but rather a machination of the Father of Lies that seeks to confuse and deceive the children of God."[12] He has also insisted that adoption by gay and lesbian people is a form of discrimination against children. "


The US government can't even acknowledge same-sex marriage, you can't expect the Catholic Church to be ahead of them on that. Or anything.
2013-03-13 03:54:40 PM
2 votes:
i63.photobucket.com

/ah, a joke borne of the fruits of a Jesuit education, lol
2013-03-13 03:46:11 PM
2 votes:
Enlighten up, Francis
2013-03-13 03:45:11 PM
2 votes:

Car_Ramrod: NeoCortex42: CapeFearCadaver: Ok, does anyone know what this guy is like? Google is only giving stuff from the past 15 minutes...

Takes the bus to work, doesn't seem to get into all the flashy bits of the office.  He has a Masters in Chemistry, and focuses on getting out to the streets to help people and spread the word.

And still hates the gays.


Baby steps.  Maybe we can at least get the Church to embrace education and helping the poor.
2013-03-13 03:42:34 PM
2 votes:

CapeFearCadaver: Ok, does anyone know what this guy is like? Google is only giving stuff from the past 15 minutes...


Well he's never lived in the archbishop's residence, cooks his own meals, takes the bus, spent years teaching chemistry, has gotten after priests who don't go out to take care of people and to work and teach people.
2013-03-13 03:37:39 PM
2 votes:

Great Porn Dragon: cptjeff: Seriously, for those without at least a Catholic background, choosing Francis as a name is a big farking deal. Very dedicated to helping the poor and oppressed, and members of Franciscan orders are incredibly nice people who generally don't give a shiat about the doctrinaire aspects. Very nice and humble people, and by choosing Francis as his name, well- that probably means he's going to be shifting the focus of the church a bit in a way that should make people happy.

This.  Pretty much Franciscan orders specialise in the stuff Jesus mostly focused on--the whole "be nice to everyone, help out the poor and needy" sorts of shiat.

(That and, well, animal welfare stuff--St. Francis was known for ministering to the local flocks and wildlife, and is the patron saint of All Critters Great And Small for that reason.  Pretty much the two things Franciscans are most famous for locally tend to be care homes for the elderly and the Blessing of the Animals.)


The idea of a Jesuit, who values education, that identifies with St. Francis, who valued helping the poor and animals, as Pope is great.  I really think  this is one of the best possible outcomes.
2013-03-13 03:34:22 PM
2 votes:

cptjeff: Seriously, for those without at least a Catholic background, choosing Francis as a name is a big farking deal. Very dedicated to helping the poor and oppressed, and members of Franciscan orders are incredibly nice people who generally don't give a shiat about the doctrinaire aspects. Very nice and humble people, and by choosing Francis as his name, well- that probably means he's going to be shifting the focus of the church a bit in a way that should make people happy.


This.  Pretty much Franciscan orders specialise in the stuff Jesus mostly focused on--the whole "be nice to everyone, help out the poor and needy" sorts of shiat.

(That and, well, animal welfare stuff--St. Francis was known for ministering to the local flocks and wildlife, and is the patron saint of All Critters Great And Small for that reason.  Pretty much the two things Franciscans are most famous for locally tend to be care homes for the elderly and the Blessing of the Animals.)
2013-03-13 03:32:20 PM
2 votes:
BTW he's not the first non-European pope, there have been a few Popes of Middle Eastern and North African birth.
2013-03-13 03:28:40 PM
2 votes:
Francis I? Boy are the Saint Malachy fans going to be pissed.
2013-03-13 03:27:09 PM
2 votes:
Lapsed (beyond lapsed) Catholic - but very glad they chose a Jesuit! Someone must have flipped the papal calendar and they realized it is the 21st century and education CAN have a place next to faith.

BTW, for those who don't know - the Jesuit order is one that is (generally) seen as more global, and known as "God's Marines"  Can be tough bastids

/Jesuit high school survivor
//only two of my knuckles are still healing!
2013-03-13 03:25:56 PM
2 votes:
You can kind of see why.
 upload.wikimedia.org
2013-03-13 03:21:53 PM
2 votes:
i45.tinypic.com
2013-03-13 03:21:40 PM
2 votes:
Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.
2013-03-13 03:21:27 PM
2 votes:

Warthog: WhyteRaven74: Holy farking shiat, they elected a Jesuit....

They just said this on the Beeb, too.  Care to explain to us uneducated atheists why that's a big deal?


Jesuits are Catholics who don't scream and run at the word "science."  That's why kids who go to Catholic schools on the whole, are more scientifically-educated than students who go to other religious schools.
2013-03-13 03:21:13 PM
2 votes:

enry: NeoCortex42: Warthog: WhyteRaven74: Holy farking shiat, they elected a Jesuit....

They just said this on the Beeb, too.  Care to explain to us uneducated atheists why that's a big deal?

Jesuits think science is real.

To be fair, (most) Catholics do too.


Yeah, but now there's one of us in charge.

/Catholic, physics PhD
2013-03-13 03:20:08 PM
2 votes:

NeoCortex42: Warthog: WhyteRaven74: Holy farking shiat, they elected a Jesuit....

They just said this on the Beeb, too.  Care to explain to us uneducated atheists why that's a big deal?

Jesuits think science is real.


To be fair, (most) Catholics do too.
2013-03-13 03:20:00 PM
2 votes:
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com
First order of business, put some new rims on the Popemobile and make it a lowrider.
2013-03-13 03:17:01 PM
2 votes:

robsul82: New Pope throwing up, sobbing into the toilet that he's not ready as cardinals comfort him.


His palms are sweaty, knees weak, staff is heavy
There's vomit on his simar already, rome's spaghetti
He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready to drop psalms,
But he keeps on forgetting what he wrote down,
The Vatican goes so loud
He opens his mouth, but the words won't come out
He's choking how, everybody's joking now
The smoke's rose up, time's up over, bloah!
2013-03-13 03:16:40 PM
2 votes:
He's name isn't Peter AND he's not a Roman.
F*ck you St. Malachy, I want the world to end!
2013-03-13 03:16:05 PM
2 votes:
The Beeb is saying he takes the bus to work, and lives in poverty.  This is interesting.
2013-03-13 03:14:37 PM
2 votes:
The NBC News guy is right, there does not appear to have ever been a Pope Francis.
2013-03-13 03:14:35 PM
2 votes:
Francis I
2013-03-13 03:13:59 PM
2 votes:
Holy shiat, from Buenos Aires.
2013-03-13 03:13:57 PM
2 votes:
Jorge Mario Bergoglio of Argentina, age 76
2013-03-13 03:13:55 PM
2 votes:
Francis I
2013-03-13 03:13:42 PM
2 votes:
Argentina wins!
2013-03-13 03:12:49 PM
2 votes:
If God guides them, why do they have to vote so many times?
2013-03-13 03:11:30 PM
2 votes:
i.imgur.com
2013-03-13 02:57:40 PM
2 votes:
ecx.images-amazon.com

Anthony Quinn wold have made a good pope
2013-03-13 02:50:20 PM
2 votes:

chrylis: Nothing about the office, but I'm pretty sure the word "papa" shows up once or twice.


Perhaps depending on the translation, if they translate Aramaic 'abba' into Greek or Latin. And here's where belief runs off the rails of provability - my Master Mason friend insisted that the verse about the 'keys to the Kingdom of Heaven' that Catholics use as the foundation for the papacy was not in original texts, and was inserted by human transcribers later.
2013-03-13 02:45:46 PM
2 votes:
PSA:

"The Borgias" Season 3 starts on Showtime on April 14th.
2013-03-13 02:45:06 PM
2 votes:

deadsanta: Wow, that's a lot of military parade for the hippie peacenik religion Jesus founded. It must be heartwarming for Catholics to know that their religious donations are being spent on mercenaries with automatic weapons. Come to think on it, you'd think Catholicism would be on the rise in America for that reason alone.


I can't wait until a man who's never been paid a day's wage puts on a few thousand dollars in washed silk and steps out of a palace of gold to tell us how to be humble.
2013-03-13 02:44:52 PM
2 votes:

MNguy: neritz:

Acceptable, but the butt hurt will be much greater with a black one.

/non-Catholic here.


Non-practicing Catholic here.  Chance of black Pope = <0%  Latin = 3%  Old white guy = 96.7%


I can live with that if the "old white guy" is a Jesuit.  That is the only hope that the Catholic Church has any real upheaval and modernization.  Real modernization, not Vatican II (ugh)
2013-03-13 02:41:09 PM
2 votes:

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Bathia_Mapes: Endive Wombat: what do they use to make the smoke white?

yes, this is the most important question.

I don't know if things have changed over the years, but traditionally the white smoke was from the ballots being burned by themselves. The black smoke from damp straw added to the stove where the ballots are burned. However, someone told me the other day that nowadays they use some kind of chemical additive to make the black smoke.

I heard yesterday they have two stoves connected to the same stack. They burn the ballots in one and a colorant in the other so the smoke mixes

/sounds like papal bull to me


That's exactly it. They used to do it in the same stove and use wet straw to blacken the smoke, but they switched to chemicals in the 40s, and added the new stove last time around to burn the chemicals separately to make it more clear. There was confusion between the black and white smoke last time around, so they modified the chemical formula for this one.

The stoves get kept in storage and are hooked up for a conclave, they're not normally in the sistine chapel. Hence the jury rigged chimney.
2013-03-13 02:39:45 PM
2 votes:

CapeFearCadaver: Weaver95: robsul82: Good news - the frontrunner for the Papacy said feminism is the reason for homosexual men.

didn't Rush Limbaugh say that?

My grandmother suggested that domestic violence was a direct result of feminism. Like, it didn't even exist until the 60's. What was it she said... Oh: "It's like the emasculation of men through women's rights have made the men more violent in order to prove themselves."


A LOT of American frontier women died from "her petticoats catching fire at the hearth".  Yeah, wool and cotton just explode into flames.

You get old, he lights you up and he finds a new younger woman
2013-03-13 02:38:44 PM
2 votes:

Weaver95: August11: What the hell is taking him so long? Put on the gown and get on the balcony! Sheesh.

they had to put the mind control parasite on first.


So, we're going to get a 15 year rein of this pope, he's going to die by the hands of G'kar and Vir will be the next pope?
2013-03-13 02:36:38 PM
2 votes:

robsul82: [www.wrestlinglol.com image 509x398]


I'm hoping for *this* guy:

25.media.tumblr.com
2013-03-13 02:33:52 PM
2 votes:
BAH GAWD KING THAT'S THE POPE'S MUSIC
2013-03-13 02:32:07 PM
2 votes:

Bathia_Mapes: Endive Wombat: what do they use to make the smoke white?

yes, this is the most important question.

I don't know if things have changed over the years, but traditionally the white smoke was from the ballots being burned by themselves. The black smoke from damp straw added to the stove where the ballots are burned. However, someone told me the other day that nowadays they use some kind of chemical additive to make the black smoke.


From TFA:

A mixture of potassium perchlorate, anthracene, and sulphur were added for black while a mixture of potassium chlorate, lactose and pine resin were added for white.
2013-03-13 02:29:07 PM
2 votes:

TheOther: Wouldn't that be Peter?


I thought it was Paul. Peter was with Mary when they wrote 'Pope the Magic Dragon'
2013-03-13 02:27:39 PM
2 votes:

cgraves67: I love that new pope smell.


Pope-ourri
2013-03-13 02:27:21 PM
2 votes:
s13.postimage.org
2013-03-13 02:23:17 PM
2 votes:

robsul82: It's Brees, duh.


Brees is no mere Pope.  He's much holier than that.
2013-03-13 02:23:08 PM
2 votes:
images2.wikia.nocookie.net
2013-03-13 02:23:05 PM
2 votes:

Donnchadha: durbnpoisn: Good.  Can we just get over this already?

Speaking as a non-Catholic, I find it completely absurd that the news media is portraying this as some sort of gigantic event for all of humanity.  My coffee will still taste the same tomorrow...  In other words, it means less than nothing to me.

As a Catholic, I also find the attention completely absurd.However, according to the Prophecy of the Popes, this one is the last Pope


I'm sure the conspiracy nuts will twist some small detail in such a way to claim that it's really him!

/ his butler's uncle's former roommate was from Rome! See? It's Peter the Roman!!
2013-03-13 02:22:58 PM
2 votes:
4.bp.blogspot.com
Let's get this party started.

/THIS IS NOT A DREAM
2013-03-13 02:22:30 PM
2 votes:

NeoCortex42: Wasn't Peter Jewish?


Wasn't Jesus Jewish?

But, yeah, Peter was the first Jewish Pope.
2013-03-13 02:20:57 PM
2 votes:
Abandon pope, all ye who enter here
2013-03-13 02:20:42 PM
2 votes:

durbnpoisn: Good.  Can we just get over this already?

Speaking as a non-Catholic, I find it completely absurd that the news media is portraying this as some sort of gigantic event for all of humanity.  My coffee will still taste the same tomorrow...  In other words, it means less than nothing to me.


As a Catholic, I also find the attention completely absurd.However, according to the Prophecy of the Popes, this one is the last Pope
2013-03-13 02:20:41 PM
2 votes:
1.bp.blogspot.com
2013-03-13 02:20:39 PM
2 votes:
I've got my money on an older White guy.
2013-03-13 02:20:04 PM
2 votes:
4.bp.blogspot.com
2013-03-13 02:19:43 PM
2 votes:
www.metalinjection.net
2013-03-13 02:19:40 PM
2 votes:

I_C_Weener: Summoner101: This headline is not infantile enough for the depths Fark sinks to.

/C'mon, "Ok, Pope is coming out."
//Comedy gold, Jerry!

I was late.  New Pope selected.  Classic Pope still better tasting.


The good news is that the classic Pope will be available along side the new Pope on your Vatican shelves once they are finished changing around the display.

/hopefully they had the good sense to pick someone under 60 this time
2013-03-13 02:19:39 PM
2 votes:
The conclave entered into the room.
Inside of it they sat, these cardinals of doom.
Their votes was unanimous.
The horror instantaneous.
Observe! Smoke from chimney - not white but red!
They say it was the day that God bled.
Nuns weeped, holy men cursed
As they looked up onto the balcony and saw...
Beelzebub the First!
I am the Anti-Pope.
I am the Anti-Pope.
Like a lion kills an antelope.
Like a hammer hits a cantaloupe.
2013-03-13 02:18:39 PM
2 votes:

Adjective Bird Whiskey: I hope this one has horns.


Agreed, a solid horn section is vital when bringing the funk.
2013-03-13 02:18:31 PM
2 votes:

durbnpoisn: Good.  Can we just get over this already?

Speaking as a non-Catholic, I find it completely absurd that the news media is portraying this as some sort of gigantic event for all of humanity.  My coffee will still taste the same tomorrow...  In other words, it means less than nothing to me.


You sound fallible.
2013-03-13 02:17:38 PM
2 votes:
♫♪ Would you like to see the pope
on the end of a rope?
Do you think he's a fool? ♫♪
2013-03-13 02:17:28 PM
2 votes:
does romney have his concession speech ready?
2013-03-13 02:17:17 PM
2 votes:
deprofundisclamaviadtedomine.files.wordpress.com
2013-03-13 02:16:51 PM
2 votes:
I guess the gay bath house will be busy tonight.
2013-03-13 02:16:18 PM
2 votes:

Byno: Nice.  Also happy we didn't get another "Pope is coming out" headline.


Agree, I was ready to wince. I was cringingly pre-winced if you will.
2013-03-13 02:16:01 PM
2 votes:
LET'S GET READY TO HUMBLE, CATHOLICS!
2013-03-13 02:15:29 PM
2 votes:
I hope this one has horns.
2013-03-13 02:15:11 PM
2 votes:
This headline is not infantile enough for the depths Fark sinks to.

/C'mon, "Ok, Pope is coming out."
//Comedy gold, Jerry!
2013-03-14 09:38:55 AM
1 votes:

Kevin72: Stone Meadow: Phoenix_M: kaseyfarksdaladies: Tillmaster: He's from Argentina? Not another German pope!

Thought the same thing.  Was he part of any particular youth movement as a child?

He was born in South America after WWII started in Europe.

WWII started in Europe in 1936? Who knew?

World War ll was a world war. It started in N China with the Japanese attacking.


WW2 in Europe started in September of 1939, when Francis was nearly three years old.
2013-03-14 01:41:43 AM
1 votes:

Stone Meadow: Phoenix_M: kaseyfarksdaladies: Tillmaster: He's from Argentina? Not another German pope!

Thought the same thing.  Was he part of any particular youth movement as a child?

He was born in South America after WWII started in Europe.

WWII started in Europe in 1936? Who knew?


World War ll was a world war. It started in N China with the Japanese attacking.
2013-03-14 12:08:06 AM
1 votes:

Bingledak: FloydA: Endive Wombat: what do they use to make the smoke white?

yes, this is the most important question.

I'm not sure what particular method the Vatican uses, but water vapor in the smoke will do it.

They don't use anything.   The black smoke is made with a chemical additive - but the white smoke is just the ballots burning by themselves.


That was the case until the 1940's. They add chemicals to create both black and white smoke now. The exact recipe they used this year was covered in here a couple of times, and is a quick google away. It's a new one, since the black and white smoke both looked rather gray last time around.
2013-03-13 10:53:19 PM
1 votes:
Just wait until Francis gives his first Easter Mass. Out of nowhere...
i107.photobucket.com
2013-03-13 09:47:15 PM
1 votes:

Captain Steroid: Lt. Cheese Weasel: Ya'll are so stupid. There is no god, no muhammed, no buddah, no chtuhul.  There is only Zuul.

Silly Weasel! That's not how you spell Twilight Sparkle! :-)


derpicdn.net

All hail Her Holiness, Pope Twilight of Ponyville!
2013-03-13 09:37:57 PM
1 votes:

Stone Meadow: Phoenix_M: Stone Meadow: Phoenix_M: kaseyfarksdaladies: Tillmaster: He's from Argentina? Not another German pope!


Last name sounds Italian, maybe this is a back-door (great choice of words there, eh?) way of getting an Italian pope again?
2013-03-13 09:19:10 PM
1 votes:

vrax: [i45.tinypic.com image 517x648]


That was my thought too, but I went a little more theological than the ol' Bred and Jam (Loves and Fishes for Francis?)
No,
I've gone with the new edition 'Vatican for Francis'

fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net
2013-03-13 08:40:40 PM
1 votes:
Ya'll are so stupid. There is no god, no muhammed, no buddah, no chtuhul.  There is only Zuul.
2013-03-13 08:11:22 PM
1 votes:

durbnpoisn: Good.  Can we just get over this already?

Speaking as a non-Catholic, I find it completely absurd that the news media is portraying this as some sort of gigantic event for all of humanity.  My coffee will still taste the same tomorrow...  In other words, it means less than nothing to me.


Don't worry, the debt ceiling fiscal cliff sequester will still be waiting for us when this shiney new pope story gets old enough.
2013-03-13 08:09:26 PM
1 votes:

GAT_00: I have to hand it to them.  They took a Latin Pope, but since his father was an Italian immigrant, he still looks European.  That seems intentional.


yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup
2013-03-13 07:42:27 PM
1 votes:

Stone Meadow: At the Papal level? [citationneeded.jpg]


I'm not that up on my papal history, but there have probably been a few. I wasn't limiting my statement to the papacy though, I was thinking more of the concept of that down to earth type of guy in church leadership more generally. And there's always been a subset of those.

Certainly seemed to be a hot trend right now- O'Malley wound up in the conversation pretty much entirely because he's a habit wearing monk who wasn't completely stupid in dealing with the kiddy diddlers.
2013-03-13 07:35:52 PM
1 votes:

indylaw: All those hoping for a Templar pope will have to wait.


I've waited enough turns since the last crusade.  Templar pope or not, I am still going to ask for another.  Owning Jerusalem is one of my victory conditions.
2013-03-13 06:18:01 PM
1 votes:

Tremolo: /Yes, I say They Live sucks
//Yes, the "Obey" scene is iconic, the rest of the movie blows.


I agree that it was a Twilight Zone episode stretched out to a full length movie.
2013-03-13 06:09:02 PM
1 votes:
No way am i reading this whole thread on my phone, just wanted to say congrats to subby for the headline :)
2013-03-13 05:55:35 PM
1 votes:
Adieu, Pope Palpatine, hello, Pope Giuliani:

cdn.historycommons.orgmsnbcmedia.msn.com

/...or is it Pope Rudy IXII?
2013-03-13 05:52:08 PM
1 votes:

Tommy Moo: choose between having six kids or living their entire lives without sex


False choice is false.
My wife and I have gone 22 years without her getting pregnant without using birth control, neither having 6 kids (only 1) nor living without sex. My wife couldn't take the pill and I'm allergic to latex. The rhythm method actually works, and is approved by the catholic church.
2013-03-13 05:44:01 PM
1 votes:

IC Stars: cptjeff: There are no rules. The pope has the power to change the rules from the moment the ballots are counted if there are. Popes have gone by their given names before, it's entirely up to them. The only name that's off limits is Peter, and I don't think that even that is a formal rule.

Uh Oh, I chose Peter for my confirmation name.

Was that wrong? Should I not have done that?


I was talking about pope names, dumbass. Confirmation names are a different ball of wax.
2013-03-13 05:42:39 PM
1 votes:

cptjeff: There are no rules. The pope has the power to change the rules from the moment the ballots are counted if there are. Popes have gone by their given names before, it's entirely up to them. The only name that's off limits is Peter, and I don't think that even that is a formal rule.


Uh Oh, I chose Peter for my confirmation name.

Was that wrong? Should I not have done that?
2013-03-13 05:28:06 PM
1 votes:

LineNoise: Buchholz96: Thanks NeoCortex42 and ElChip for clarifying.

So you mean to tell me he could be Pope Ron Mexico 2nd if he just liked the name? Or does the clergy have to approve?

Yea, it could be whatever they want. Nobody else has to aprove.

There was talk of changing the rules after Pope Enfresh the 1st, but nobody could really get all that mad at him considering how he giggled when you poked him


That's awesome!

In all seriousness though, what I'm hearing is that it has to be some derivative of a Catholic Saint. Thanks. I can check getting the answer to this off of my bucket list.

I still think it'd be sweet if it was like Pope Dirk Diggler the 1st or Pope T Bone McGillycutty the 1st.
2013-03-13 05:22:52 PM
1 votes:

Buchholz96: Thanks NeoCortex42 and ElChip for clarifying.

So you mean to tell me he could be Pope Ron Mexico 2nd if he just liked the name? Or does the clergy have to approve?


Yea, it could be whatever they want. Nobody else has to aprove.

There was talk of changing the rules after Pope Enfresh the 1st, but nobody could really get all that mad at him considering how he giggled when you poked him
2013-03-13 05:20:17 PM
1 votes:

Great Porn Dragon: cptjeff: downstairs: This text is now purple: Grand_Moff_Joseph: Wow, a guy with a Chemistry degree!  Might we get some respect for science????

Catholics aren't evangelicals.  The Big Bang came from a Catholic priest.

I can attest to this.  Went to Catholic church from birth through 9th grade.  Went to CCD as well.  Evolution was never mentioned.  Heck, I know my dad- a hard-core Irish Catholic- taught us evolution.

They had some issues with Copernicus and Galileo, but they got over it, and these days, the Catholic Church is pretty science friendly, and they have their own observatory- which, since they're not relying on year to year grants with pressure to show results, allows them to do a lot of research on multiple decade timescales that most astronomers can't. Catholics aren't the ones who bang on the "god buried dinosaur bones to test us" drum.

And interestingly, Dr. Robert Bakker (who not only was pretty much the first guy to come around to the modern image of dinosaurs as homeothermic, feathery beasties (who still live with us as birds) but is also a pastor and has a theological degree that isn't from a dominionist ordination mill) actually has a very nice essay called The Pope's Velociraptor...and the KKK (noting that the Catholics--especially Jesuits--were funding a LOT of paleontology research and doing it themselves, whilst a lot of the Young-Earth-Creationist stuff was originally promoted by racist Protestants in the US).


Why can't more academic papers have titles like that? I'm currently working my way through the latest issue of the Journal of Democracy, with such barn burning titles as, "Regime Types and Democratic Sequencing" and, "Controlling Corruption Through Collective Action".
2013-03-13 05:16:51 PM
1 votes:

cptjeff: downstairs: This text is now purple: Grand_Moff_Joseph: Wow, a guy with a Chemistry degree!  Might we get some respect for science????

Catholics aren't evangelicals.  The Big Bang came from a Catholic priest.

I can attest to this.  Went to Catholic church from birth through 9th grade.  Went to CCD as well.  Evolution was never mentioned.  Heck, I know my dad- a hard-core Irish Catholic- taught us evolution.

They had some issues with Copernicus and Galileo, but they got over it, and these days, the Catholic Church is pretty science friendly, and they have their own observatory- which, since they're not relying on year to year grants with pressure to show results, allows them to do a lot of research on multiple decade timescales that most astronomers can't. Catholics aren't the ones who bang on the "god buried dinosaur bones to test us" drum.


And interestingly, Dr. Robert Bakker (who not only was pretty much the first guy to come around to the modern image of dinosaurs as homeothermic, feathery beasties (who still live with us as birds) but is also a pastor and has a theological degree that isn't from a dominionist ordination mill) actually has a very nice essay called The Pope's Velociraptor...and the KKK (noting that the Catholics--especially Jesuits--were funding a LOT of paleontology research and doing it themselves, whilst a lot of the Young-Earth-Creationist stuff was originally promoted by racist Protestants in the US).
2013-03-13 05:13:23 PM
1 votes:

Buchholz96: Forgive me if this has already been covered as I'm a bit late to the thread.

I'm not Catholic so can somebody please explain to me the naming convention for Popes?

How did they get Francis from Jorge Mario Bergoglio? Shouldn't he be Pope George I or something like that?

I apologize again if this is a stupid question.....

Just one of those things I've always wondered about.


The new Pope picks a name that they feel some connection to, whether it's from a saint or a previous pope.  For instance, the new Pope seems to really like the teachings and philosophy of St. Francis.  So that's the name he went with.
2013-03-13 05:12:52 PM
1 votes:
24.media.tumblr.com
2013-03-13 05:12:08 PM
1 votes:

cptjeff: Based on everything else this guy has been known for in terms of the humility and focus on the poor, Assisi is the best bet,


He's also a teacher, like Francis Xavier, and Francis Xavier was himself very humble. And he co-founded the Jesuit order.
2013-03-13 05:05:11 PM
1 votes:

ctrlshiftspace: WhyteRaven74: As for Francis, probably in honor of Francis Xavier.

This just needs repeating. People assuming it's Francis of Assisi are jumping to unwarranted conclusions.


Not so much, really- St. Ignatius, the guy who founded the Jesuit order, based his work off Francis of Assisi. Based on everything else this guy has been known for in terms of the humility and focus on the poor, Assisi is the best bet, and makes a lot of sense from the Jesuit angle as well.
2013-03-13 05:03:26 PM
1 votes:
In all fairness...

i277.photobucket.com
2013-03-13 05:00:16 PM
1 votes:

LesserEvil: Tanukis_Parachute:

[timothywlong.com image 300x367]

I came for this. I expect this to get a lot of use in the next few months' worth of Catholic threads.


I'm already to the point I want to set people on fire for using it after this thread.
2013-03-13 04:57:23 PM
1 votes:

brantgoose: The Parthenon, on the other hand, was hit by a bomb, or rather, lost its roof when it blew up while the Turks were using it as an ammo depot. It still had a roof as recently as the 1500s or 1600s.


farking Turks.
2013-03-13 04:51:43 PM
1 votes:
No scandals for this squeaky-clean new Pope. Nope, certainly no history of helping an Argentine dictator hide political prisoners in his vacation home from a Human Rights Commission visit. That certainly never happened. Whistle whistle whistle.
2013-03-13 04:51:24 PM
1 votes:

Polish Hussar: js34603: Well I'm sure glad they picked someone I can continue to completely ignore while I eat meat on Fridays and have sex with my Protestant wife.

Why not take the last step and convert to Protestantism?  I would recommend the Episcopalians, my personal denomination.  Our prayers and services are fairly similar to the Catholic Church's, but we can eat whatever we want, whenever we want, use contraception, and we're cool with the gays.


v026o.popscreen.com
2013-03-13 04:50:22 PM
1 votes:

Holfax: Has he announced who his vice-Pope will be?

//not Catholic


I don't know, someone with a kickass 1981 Audi Quattro he can wash in the Vatican driveway?

img-cache.cdn.gaiaonline.com
2013-03-13 04:41:45 PM
1 votes:

PsiChick: durbnpoisn: Good.  Can we just get over this already?

Speaking as a non-Catholic, I find it completely absurd that the news media is portraying this as some sort of gigantic event for all of humanity.  My coffee will still taste the same tomorrow...  In other words, it means less than nothing to me.

The Pope is a major political figure. I'm not Catholic, but what the Catholic Church does and believes damn well affects you and me--for example, birth control? Yeah, that'll affect both of us, no matter what gender you are.

Ignoring political decisions because 'the sun will rise tomorrow' in any form is stupid and short-sighted. Politics controls huge amounts of everyone's daily life, and the majority of our important life choices. Living in a representative democracy means we have the duty to know what's going on and make good choices about our laws and representatives, not pretend they don't affect us and we're somehow 'above it'. That's dangerous for everyone.


/very nice indeed
2013-03-13 04:33:18 PM
1 votes:

downstairs: This text is now purple: Grand_Moff_Joseph: Wow, a guy with a Chemistry degree!  Might we get some respect for science????

Catholics aren't evangelicals.  The Big Bang came from a Catholic priest.

I can attest to this.  Went to Catholic church from birth through 9th grade.  Went to CCD as well.  Evolution was never mentioned.  Heck, I know my dad- a hard-core Irish Catholic- taught us evolution.


Yeah, Catholics gave up all that strict constructionist/literal translation stuff... Well, I don't know when, but a long time ago.
2013-03-13 04:32:42 PM
1 votes:

js34603: Well I'm sure glad they picked someone I can continue to completely ignore while I eat meat on Fridays and have sex with my Protestant wife.


Not sure what sort of Catholic you are, but the official doctrine is marrying a Protestant and sexing her up as much as possible is being a good Catholic if you raise the kids Catholic.
2013-03-13 04:31:15 PM
1 votes:
His Wikipedia entry briefly stated, "He supports the use of contraception to prevent the spread of disease, meaning he is not a complete hidebound prude", before being reverted.
2013-03-13 04:30:06 PM
1 votes:
img834.imageshack.us

My God, Cobra controls the Vatican!
2013-03-13 04:28:03 PM
1 votes:

Caffandtranqs: FTFA:   "Pope Francis I: Argentina's Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio is new Catholic leader"
             "The 76-year-old - the first Jesuit, the first South American and the first non-European pope of the modern era..."

His last name is Italian, so I'm guessing he is Italian-Argentinian.  Lame.  I was pulling for a Canadian pope.  Why does Canada get left out of everything?


You can blame that hockey hullaballoo.

/and that biatch Anne Murray too
2013-03-13 04:24:18 PM
1 votes:
FTFA:   "Pope Francis I: Argentina's Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio is new Catholic leader"
             "The 76-year-old - the first Jesuit, the first South American and the first non-European pope of the modern era..."

His last name is Italian, so I'm guessing he is Italian-Argentinian.  Lame.  I was pulling for a Canadian pope.  Why does Canada get left out of everything?
2013-03-13 04:24:10 PM
1 votes:

FlashHarry: FINALLY, A POPE WHO WILL DRAG THE CHURCH, KICKING AND SCREAMING, INTO THE 19TH CENTURY!


or die trying
2013-03-13 04:21:20 PM
1 votes:
Quick, someone change The Last Supper to have nothing but meat dishes, and give Jesus one of those little flags to signal 'more meat' or 'no more meat'
2013-03-13 04:16:56 PM
1 votes:
Guys, we all know who Fark would pick for pope if WE had been given the vote...

bbsimg.ngfiles.com
2013-03-13 04:13:38 PM
1 votes:

Bullseyed: NeoCortex42: Car_Ramrod: NeoCortex42: CapeFearCadaver: Ok, does anyone know what this guy is like? Google is only giving stuff from the past 15 minutes...

Takes the bus to work, doesn't seem to get into all the flashy bits of the office.  He has a Masters in Chemistry, and focuses on getting out to the streets to help people and spread the word.

And still hates the gays.

Baby steps.   Maybe we can at least get the Church to embrace education and helping the poor.

You obviously pay zero attention to the world around you.


I think that's the joke. Or not sure if serious
2013-03-13 04:13:17 PM
1 votes:
FINALLY, A POPE WHO WILL DRAG THE CHURCH, KICKING AND SCREAMING, INTO THE 19TH CENTURY!
2013-03-13 04:12:31 PM
1 votes:
Pope Frances, huh? I guess nobody'll put baby in a corner now!
www.flix66.com
2013-03-13 04:11:51 PM
1 votes:

This text is now purple: Grand_Moff_Joseph: Wow, a guy with a Chemistry degree!  Might we get some respect for science????

Catholics aren't evangelicals.  The Big Bang came from a Catholic priest.


I can attest to this.  Went to Catholic church from birth through 9th grade.  Went to CCD as well.  Evolution was never mentioned.  Heck, I know my dad- a hard-core Irish Catholic- taught us evolution.
2013-03-13 04:11:19 PM
1 votes:

robsul82: Pope Francisco is his name!


i259.photobucket.com

I expect this image macro to get a LOT of use now, every time this guy opens his mouth and something stupid WILL come tumbling out of it.
2013-03-13 04:09:06 PM
1 votes:

unlikely: ShawnDoc: I just hope this one isn't linked to child rape, or helping his diocese covering up child rape.

Certainly being a Jesuit and taking the name of Francis is something to be hopeful about, and maybe signals the Church bureaucracy is actually ready for some real change, rather than just paying it lip service.

"he strongly opposed legislation introduced in 2010 by the Argentine Government to allow same-sex marriage, calling it a "real and dire anthropological throwback".[11] In a letter to the monasteries of Buenos Aires, he wrote: "Let's not be naive, we're not talking about a simple political battle; it is a destructive pretension against the plan of God. We are not talking about a mere bill, but rather a machination of the Father of Lies that seeks to confuse and deceive the children of God."[12] He has also insisted that adoption by gay and lesbian people is a form of discrimination against children. "


You needed to Wiki that?  Are you stupid?

I'll bet he's anti-abortion too.
2013-03-13 04:07:41 PM
1 votes:

Grand_Moff_Joseph: Wow, a guy with a Chemistry degree!  Might we get some respect for science????


Catholics aren't evangelicals.  The Big Bang came from a Catholic priest.
2013-03-13 04:03:01 PM
1 votes:

brantgoose: North America is not the only place where people have absolutely no respect for cultural, historical, and architectural heritage. The worst ruins in the world are the result of people stealing the stone to build barns, houses, walls, and other crap that they could easily build of field stone. That and religious iconoclasts like those FSOBs in Afghanistan who blew up some of the greatest Buddhist art in the world.


Oh, and don't forget China deciding to just flood a shaitload of incredibly valuable ancient archeological sites just a decade or so ago.
2013-03-13 03:59:50 PM
1 votes:
boingboing.net
2013-03-13 03:58:48 PM
1 votes:
This frees up Ratzinger to reprise his role of the Emperor from Starwars in the new Movie!
2013-03-13 03:55:53 PM
1 votes:

vernonFL: They live in a palace made of granite and gold with priceless art, but their chimney looks like a hobo jerry rigged it.


Welcome to the cultural wonders and mysteries of life in Italy!

Hey, Papa! We need a new chimney. The old Franklin stove smokes terribly in the Sistine Chapel. Franklin did a lousy job on the installation.

Wait, I know a guy who knows a guy who can do it under the table for next to nothing. I have his number on my cellphone somewhere. Don't call a professional. They'll charge you an arm and a leg.


The Italians are big on building, very weak on maintenance. That's reason numero uno why the country is full of ruins.

The reason the Collosseum looks like it was hit by a nuclear bomb is not the ravages of time--it's the ravages of people stealing the stones. A lot of the bleachers were carted away and burned to make lime. The bronze canopy that covers the alter in Saint Peters Cathedral is made from the bronze stars from the ceiling of the the Pantheon, which is about a thousand years older.

The Parthenon, on the other hand, was hit by a bomb, or rather, lost its roof when it blew up while the Turks were using it as an ammo depot. It still had a roof as recently as the 1500s or 1600s.

North America is not the only place where people have absolutely no respect for cultural, historical, and architectural heritage. The worst ruins in the world are the result of people stealing the stone to build barns, houses, walls, and other crap that they could easily build of field stone. That and religious iconoclasts like those FSOBs in Afghanistan who blew up some of the greatest Buddhist art in the world.
2013-03-13 03:55:32 PM
1 votes:

netgamer7k: "Saint" Malachy got it wrong.


actually there's no evidence Malachy even made the particular prophecy at all, just that someone slapped his name on it
2013-03-13 03:53:01 PM
1 votes:
Clever of them to go with an Argentinian. It's a way of putting a "Latin American" on the throne while actually keeping it in the hands of an Italian. Judging from his name, he's clearly Italian Argentinian.

And wherever he's from, this guy is a hardline, regressive, anti-gay, anti-contraception douche. You can wrap that in a robe of pluralism all you like. Our generation isn't buying it. The more these gassy old sanctimonious assholes try to destroy the environment and the economy by forcing all women to choose between having six kids or living their entire lives without sex, the faster their church will become irrelevant.
2013-03-13 03:51:52 PM
1 votes:

tlars699: Doesn't "hate" gays. Just follows his book, and says that you shouldn't allow them to get married/adopt kids/give equal standing to them legally, unless they pretend to be hetero.


Modern political dichotomy.  If you don't support embrace everything they want, you necessarily "hate" them.

That said, I think the Church has a lot bigger problems to worry about.
2013-03-13 03:51:44 PM
1 votes:

CapeFearCadaver: Car_Ramrod: NeoCortex42: CapeFearCadaver: Ok, does anyone know what this guy is like? Google is only giving stuff from the past 15 minutes...

Takes the bus to work, doesn't seem to get into all the flashy bits of the office.  He has a Masters in Chemistry, and focuses on getting out to the streets to help people and spread the word.

And still hates the gays.

Well, even if he didn't it's not like he could go out there and scream I LURVES THE GHEYS! without some sort of fallout from the rest of the Catholic world, you know.


Someone posted that picture of Archbishop Oscar Romero earlier...

He's what happens when you disagree with the Church *and* a Nation-state.

Its like having two bosses, and you piss them BOTH off. Your career wont last.
2013-03-13 03:51:31 PM
1 votes:

WhyteRaven74: NeoCortex42: Maybe we can at least get the Church to embrace education and helping the poor.

The guy who just got elected Pope cares about nothing else.


He still has his work cut out for him, though.  At least in the US, it seems some higher-ups in the church are more concerned with politics and taking care of the flock.  Pope Francis seems to be exactly what the church needs right now.
2013-03-13 03:51:09 PM
1 votes:

Skyrmion: When I did the Guardian "choose-your-own-pope" thing, I selected for candidates who were:

1) Considered viable candidates for pope
2) Open to dialog with other faiths
3) Moderate in outlook
4) Not facing questions over abuse scandals
5) Open to contraception to prevent disease

and there were only two candidates left: Bergoglio, and the Filipino Cardinal, Luis Tagle.

I was rooting for the Asian guy, but Bergoglio doesn't seem to be too bad, considering the possibilities.


Tagle is in his 50's. He'll get another shot at it- maybe even two.
2013-03-13 03:49:31 PM
1 votes:
When I did the Guardian "choose-your-own-pope" thing, I selected for candidates who were:

1) Considered viable candidates for pope
2) Open to dialog with other faiths
3) Moderate in outlook
4) Not facing questions over abuse scandals
5) Open to contraception to prevent disease

and there were only two candidates left: Bergoglio, and the Filipino Cardinal, Luis Tagle.

I was rooting for the Asian guy, but Bergoglio doesn't seem to be too bad, considering the possibilities.
2013-03-13 03:47:45 PM
1 votes:

NeoCortex42: Maybe we can at least get the Church to embrace education and helping the poor.


The guy who just got elected Pope cares about nothing else.
2013-03-13 03:47:24 PM
1 votes:

Dynascape: So how are we going to link him to the Nazis and Hitler now?

We need to figure some shiat out. His Dad is Italian right? I totes bet he's in league with Il Duce.


No Nazis, Junta though maybe...
2013-03-13 03:46:44 PM
1 votes:
I haven't seen so many Catholics this ecstatic since the Crusades.
2013-03-13 03:46:39 PM
1 votes:

cptjeff: WhyteRaven74: CapeFearCadaver: Ok, does anyone know what this guy is like? Google is only giving stuff from the past 15 minutes...

Well he's never lived in the archbishop's residence, cooks his own meals, takes the bus, spent years teaching chemistry, has gotten after priests who don't go out to take care of people and to work and teach people.

Has gone after political and economic corruption in Argentina, visited a hospice and washed the feet of AIDS patients...


I'm liking this guy already

/Maybe he'll modernize the church and get back to basics
2013-03-13 03:42:56 PM
1 votes:

bongmiester: how long before Pope Francis asks the Queen of England to give the Falklands back to Argentina?


Yeah, I don't think the British Monarchy gives two shiats what the Catholics want.  They've got a bit of a history with each other.
2013-03-13 03:40:09 PM
1 votes:
Electing an Argentinian as the first Latin American is like electing a Rhodesian as the first African.
2013-03-13 03:39:04 PM
1 votes:

Ambivalence: Are you watching? I have never seen a more unadorned pope.


Batin' At work.  Can't watch.  Sounds like an interesting character, even if he'll only be around for 7-8 years like Benedict.
2013-03-13 03:38:52 PM
1 votes:

MrBonestripper: Frankie goes to Holywood!


Pope Frankie?

images1.wikia.nocookie.net
2013-03-13 03:38:00 PM
1 votes:
A pederast Dude.
www.jonathanrosenbaum.com
/hot like the fire creating a white smoke
//originally posted in another thread
///had to be said again
////and again and again and again and again
2013-03-13 03:37:13 PM
1 votes:

neritz: @jauntingjourno: the new pope is 76 and has one lung. #funfacts

/this might not last long


LOL...yeah. CSB: I was a Peace Corps Volunteer in Nairobi, Kenya when Pope Paul died and John Paul was elected. Fast forward a month or so and I was serving out in Western Province, when one day I caught a ride into the provincial capitol. There I saw newspapers with headlines talking about the "new" pope...John Paul. I thought, holy shiat, I know I'm out in the sticks, but selling month-old newspapers? Only when I noticed he was John Paul II, and bought a paper did I realize that JP had died after a month in office and we had JP2. /csb
2013-03-13 03:37:07 PM
1 votes:

onzmadi: elchip: Wasn't Looking at his Neck: Uh, isn't Jorge a version of Peter?....

No, that's "Pedro."  Jorge is George.

So we've had John Paul, Jorge and Ratzingo?


I think something they all can agree on is hating Yoko Ono.
2013-03-13 03:36:58 PM
1 votes:

Ambivalence: Are you watching? I have never seen a more unadorned pope.


THIS hell he's not even wearing the usual pope hat
2013-03-13 03:36:37 PM
1 votes:
how long before Pope Francis asks the Queen of England to give the Falklands back to Argentina?
2013-03-13 03:36:17 PM
1 votes:
Great Porn Dragon:

(That and, well, animal welfare stuff--St. Francis was known for ministering to the local flocks and wildlife, and is the patron saint of All Critters Great And Small for that reason.  )

Ah, so that's why the show got those extra three seasons after Peter Davison's run on Doctor Who.
2013-03-13 03:35:05 PM
1 votes:
Meanwhile, back in Peter Turkson's room...

i6.photobucket.com
2013-03-13 03:34:58 PM
1 votes:
The people on CNN are bellowing about the shock of naming himself Pope Francis.

Can we get a real shocker and have someone go with "Pope Christian" or something
2013-03-13 03:34:58 PM
1 votes:

GAT_00: You know what would be hilarious?  He has a heart attack from this whole thing and keels over.


Pope John Paul I just about did that.  Only made it 33 days.
2013-03-13 03:34:17 PM
1 votes:

GoldSpider: Don't Jesuits swear a vow of poverty?  How does this square with the opulence of the Vatican.


Are you watching? I have never seen a more unadorned pope.
2013-03-13 03:34:16 PM
1 votes:

Dialectic: Damn, the new pope is from Argentina:

Anyone who lives in Latin America knows the Argies are stuck up asshats!


Heh I was explaining this to coworkers.

/Colombian
2013-03-13 03:33:32 PM
1 votes:

durbnpoisn: Wow, this thread got out of control fast!

I went and did a little fact checking on the numbers.  While it is indeed true that Christians make up the largest religion in the world (60.43% to be precise) only 16.85% are Roman Catholic.  Muslims make up 22.74%.  Which means they outnumber the Catholics.  I think that says something about the arrogant thought that the Catholics should have so much damn say about the world.

How do you think the world would react if the media gave this much attention to the next time the Muslims choose their high leader?  Actually, I don't think that would happen because the Muslims are so unorganized.


Islam has no central authority figure that is equivalent to the Pope. Also, there are lots of sects and divisions within Islam (just like Christianity), so your 22.74% figure (for the entire religion versus one denomination of Christianity) is a little disingenuous. There is no question that the Pope is the leader of the largest coherent religious affiliation in the world.

The pope being elected is a big deal to the entire world just like it's a big deal to Morocco when the US elects a new president. There isn't a direct connection there, between the US president and Morocco, but the administration's outlook is going to shape global politics, and Morocco shares this planet with us. This pope is going to shape the outlook and beliefs of 16% of the world's population, and that's a big deal, maybe not to you directly, but he's going to influence a lot of the people you know and interact with.
2013-03-13 03:33:30 PM
1 votes:

onzmadi: elchip: Wasn't Looking at his Neck: Uh, isn't Jorge a version of Peter?....

No, that's "Pedro."  Jorge is George.

So we've had John Paul, Jorge and Ratzingo?


Holy Beatles, batman!  Maybe they ARE bigger than Jesus!
2013-03-13 03:32:32 PM
1 votes:

elchip: Wasn't Looking at his Neck: Uh, isn't Jorge a version of Peter?....

No, that's "Pedro."  Jorge is George.


So we've had John Paul, Jorge and Ratzingo?
2013-03-13 03:31:00 PM
1 votes:
Piers Morgan @piersmorgan

Pope Francis 1 is renowned for his 2001 visit to a hospice, in which he washed and kissed the feet of 12 AIDS patients.
2013-03-13 03:30:12 PM
1 votes:

cretinbob: [streetpastor.files.wordpress.com image 349x432]

//unavailable for comment


Soon to be a saint I expect.
2013-03-13 03:29:54 PM
1 votes:
i.imgur.com

...FAIL...
2013-03-13 03:29:46 PM
1 votes:
Damn, the new pope is from Argentina:

Anyone who lives in Latin America knows the Argies are stuck up asshats!
2013-03-13 03:29:46 PM
1 votes:
Interesting, he's wearing plain white, no mitre (aka Pope hat), no shepherd's staff. Though that fits his character, he's never lived in the archbishop's residence, until recently refused in all cases to be driven around taking the bus instead.
2013-03-13 03:29:38 PM
1 votes:
I thought he was supposed to be Pope Peter the Christ Slayer Anti Christ of Apocalyptic Proportions not Pope Francis aka the guy from Malcom in the Middle
2013-03-13 03:29:26 PM
1 votes:
media.comicvine.com
2013-03-13 03:29:17 PM
1 votes:
I just hope this one isn't linked to child rape, or helping his diocese covering up child rape.

Certainly being a Jesuit and taking the name of Francis is something to be hopeful about, and maybe signals the Church bureaucracy is actually ready for some real change, rather than just paying it lip service.
2013-03-13 03:28:52 PM
1 votes:
2,000 years plus of electing popes and they choose another really old guy?

(the 9th oldest guy to be elected as Pope in the history of the church)

/damn, people editing Wikipedia update this stuff fast
2013-03-13 03:28:32 PM
1 votes:
He hates the gays, so he's got that going for him.

From Wikipedia:
H
e strongly opposed legislation introduced in 2010 by the Argentine Government to allow same-sex marriage. In a letter to the monasteries of Buenos Aires, he wrote: "Let's not be naive, we're not talking about a simple political battle; it is a destructive pretension against the plan of God. We are not talking about a mere bill, but rather a machination of the Father of Lies that seeks to confuse and deceive the children of God."

So anyone who support same-sex marriage is being influenced by Satan. Nice.

Maybe he needs to visit the gay sauna in the building the Vatican bought and get some hand relief, or have the stick from his ass removed and something softer put in.
2013-03-13 03:28:24 PM
1 votes:

GAT_00: I have to hand it to them.  They took a Latin Pope, but since his father was an Italian immigrant, he still looks European.  That seems intentional.


There are a lot of folks of Italian descent in Argentina.  I personally know several.  So if the plural of anecdote = data, then it must be pretty common.

Oh, and lots of Jews, too.
2013-03-13 03:28:10 PM
1 votes:
Well, if nothing else, this has got to be the end of Italian dominance of the church, because the Pope is the one that chooses cardinals and a South American is not going to be too inclined to hand out an overly disproportionate number to Italy.

Unless he has a soft spot for Diego Maradona (who played in Italy).
2013-03-13 03:28:09 PM
1 votes:
Back to work.  This new Pope, is like the old Pope. Only more so. And less even still.

Who's lyp synching the Pope Song at the inaugural ball?
2013-03-13 03:26:54 PM
1 votes:
Well, that's another Apocalyptic prophecy blown to smithereens.  Glad it wasn't Petrus Romanus.
2013-03-13 03:26:52 PM
1 votes:
He's from Argentina? Not another German pope!
2013-03-13 03:26:33 PM
1 votes:

durbnpoisn: Wow, this thread got out of control fast!

I went and did a little fact checking on the numbers.  While it is indeed true that Christians make up the largest religion in the world (60.43% to be precise) only 16.85% are Roman Catholic.  Muslims make up 22.74%.  Which means they outnumber the Catholics.  I think that says something about the arrogant thought that the Catholics should have so much damn say about the world.

How do you think the world would react if the media gave this much attention to the next time the Muslims choose their high leader?  Actually, I don't think that would happen because the Muslims are so unorganized.


The Muslims are every bit as fragmented as the Christians. What's more, the opposing sects regularly engage in violence against each other. So, which Muslim high leader has the same legitimacy as the Pope? Bear in mind that making the wrong choice in certain places can get you killed.
2013-03-13 03:26:26 PM
1 votes:
Ave Maria?

So, what, he's singing now?
2013-03-13 03:25:46 PM
1 votes:
moss covered three handled papal gredunza
2013-03-13 03:24:32 PM
1 votes:
img.photobucket.comA Pope from Argentina. Empanadas all around!
2013-03-13 03:24:07 PM
1 votes:
Argentina has some good ties to Europe, at least. Isn't that where all the Nazis fled?
2013-03-13 03:23:37 PM
1 votes:

Bergolio gets elected Pope on the 5th ballot.It would have been the first ballot were it not for his steroid use in the 90's

- John Karalis (@RedsArmy_John) March 13, 2013
2013-03-13 03:23:31 PM
1 votes:
Uh, isn't Jorge a version of Peter?....

upload.wikimedia.org

How about a little music?
2013-03-13 03:22:52 PM
1 votes:
Wow, this thread got out of control fast!

I went and did a little fact checking on the numbers.  While it is indeed true that Christians make up the largest religion in the world (60.43% to be precise) only 16.85% are Roman Catholic.  Muslims make up 22.74%.  Which means they outnumber the Catholics.  I think that says something about the arrogant thought that the Catholics should have so much damn say about the world.

How do you think the world would react if the media gave this much attention to the next time the Muslims choose their high leader?  Actually, I don't think that would happen because the Muslims are so unorganized.
2013-03-13 03:22:38 PM
1 votes:
I hope he does the can't find my way through the curtain gag...
2013-03-13 03:22:35 PM
1 votes:
wildeastfootball.net


HAND OF GOD!
2013-03-13 03:22:31 PM
1 votes:

cptjeff: Seriously, for those without at least a Catholic background, choosing Francis as a name is a big farking deal. Very dedicated to helping the poor and oppressed, and members of Franciscan orders are incredibly nice people who generally don't give a shiat about the doctrinaire aspects. Very nice and humble people, and by choosing Francis as his name, well- that probably means he's going to be shifting the focus of the church a bit in a way that should make people happy.


It will be a nice change of pace from the Vatican chiding US nuns for focusing on the poor instead of politics.
2013-03-13 03:21:56 PM
1 votes:
Going with the name of Francis. NICE.
Not Catholic, but I have a great deal of respect for the Jesuits.
2013-03-13 03:21:51 PM
1 votes:
I hope he choose the name in honor of Rossellini's St. Francis.

/coolest saint evar  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flowers_of_St._Francis
//Also - it's 2013 - 76 is not that old
2013-03-13 03:21:47 PM
1 votes:

henryhill: 5th ballot = some hack that will do business as usual.

run, altar boys, run


Imma stand my ground, thank you.
2013-03-13 03:21:38 PM
1 votes:
Grumpy old white guy...kiss you reform goodbye!

static.guim.co.uk
2013-03-13 03:21:26 PM
1 votes:

WhyteRaven74: And he's been known to get very upset with priests who sit at desks instead of getting out among people to actually help them.


It's interesting.  Of course, if he stays honest about that, he ought to start selling off the approximately 10 billion dollars of net worth of the Vatican to start doing some good.
2013-03-13 03:20:51 PM
1 votes:
if he comes to the states I wanna see this f*cker's green card. Damn mexicans are everywhere.
2013-03-13 03:20:48 PM
1 votes:
content.sportslogos.net
Jesuits, biatches!
2013-03-13 03:20:29 PM
1 votes:

Donnchadha: PsyLord: Grand_Moff_Joseph: Argentina wins!

Gooooooooaaaaaaaallllll!

Clearly this vote was due to the Hand of God


The crowd should welcome the new Pope in this manner:

www.theoffside.com
2013-03-13 03:20:13 PM
1 votes:
I didn't think the Cardinals had it in them to go outside of Europe.
2013-03-13 03:19:35 PM
1 votes:

uncleacid: Can we be Frank?


don3k.nocorvair.com
2013-03-13 03:19:28 PM
1 votes:

KarmicDisaster: NeoCortex42: Warthog: WhyteRaven74: Holy farking shiat, they elected a Jesuit....

They just said this on the Beeb, too.  Care to explain to us uneducated atheists why that's a big deal?

Jesuits think science is real.

I like him already.


I am really liking this decision so far.  We'll see what happens when the dust settles.
2013-03-13 03:19:11 PM
1 votes:

Warthog: WhyteRaven74: Holy farking shiat, they elected a Jesuit....

They just said this on the Beeb, too.  Care to explain to us uneducated atheists why that's a big deal?


The Jesuits are seen as a sort of "rebellious" group in the Church. They're known as an intellectual society, as well.
2013-03-13 03:19:03 PM
1 votes:
DAMMIT!!!!
I was hoping for techno viking pope.
2013-03-13 03:18:28 PM
1 votes:
First non-European Pope ever.
2013-03-13 03:18:24 PM
1 votes:
Pope Francesco I.

A new name!
2013-03-13 03:18:13 PM
1 votes:
There is only one from Argentina that is God

media1.santabanta.com
2013-03-13 03:18:12 PM
1 votes:
streetpastor.files.wordpress.com

//unavailable for comment
2013-03-13 03:17:47 PM
1 votes:
Wow, a guy with a Chemistry degree!  Might we get some respect for science????
2013-03-13 03:17:40 PM
1 votes:

GAT_00: The Beeb is saying he takes the bus to work, and lives in poverty. This is interesting.


And he's been known to get very upset with priests who sit at desks instead of getting out among people to actually help them.

xanadian: Has that ever happened before?


Nope.
2013-03-13 03:17:34 PM
1 votes:
2013-03-13 03:17:21 PM
1 votes:

WhyteRaven74: Holy farking shiat, they elected a Jesuit....


I actually think that could be a REALLY good thing
2013-03-13 03:17:01 PM
1 votes:
Oh great, that means the Argies are going to get all uppity about the Falklands again because now they're gonna think they have god on their side.
2013-03-13 03:16:15 PM
1 votes:
oh corporate america is NOT gonna like this guy.
2013-03-13 03:15:33 PM
1 votes:
A Jesuit?

Awesome!
2013-03-13 03:15:11 PM
1 votes:
argentinian pope.  go figure.
2013-03-13 03:14:42 PM
1 votes:
A Jesuit Pope?  What in the fark
2013-03-13 03:14:29 PM
1 votes:
Well, he ain't black, but he is a minority and fills quotas.
2013-03-13 03:14:25 PM
1 votes:
Pope Francis.  CUE THE PIC!  You know which one.
2013-03-13 03:14:21 PM
1 votes:
i98.photobucket.com
2013-03-13 03:14:15 PM
1 votes:
Whoa. Latin American pope!
2013-03-13 03:14:12 PM
1 votes:

Weaver95: c'mon Peter the Roman!


Yes!  End the Church as we know it.
2013-03-13 03:13:53 PM
1 votes:
well......WE"RE WAITING
2013-03-13 03:13:35 PM
1 votes:

robsul82: NOT A BLACK GUY


That's not the pope...
2013-03-13 03:13:34 PM
1 votes:

ariseatex: deadsanta: Seriously wtf, pick your pope-name and come out already, I'm sick of winter!

They're probably trying to convince the new pope that now is the WORST time to pick "Peter" as your pope name.


Besides the prophecy that says that Peter II will be the last Pope?  The prophecy that Benedict XVI believed in enough that he chose the name "Benedict" because it went along with the prophecy.
2013-03-13 03:12:30 PM
1 votes:
and here...we...GO!
2013-03-13 03:12:22 PM
1 votes:
farm4.staticflickr.com
2013-03-13 03:11:52 PM
1 votes:

bdub77: It just feels weird with no Dick Clark there.


You could always watch the trainwreck that is Anderson Cooper & Kathy Griffin instead.
2013-03-13 03:11:38 PM
1 votes:

Silverstaff: cgraves67: "Wow, I'm the pope. Oh, crap! I'm the pope!" - the new pope

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1456472/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/We_Have_a_Pope_%28film%29

There was a movie with that plot a couple of years ago.  A humble old Cardinal is elected Pope, and freaks out at the realization of the magnitude of it.


The Pope is given time to pray in the "Room of Tears" before he comes out on the balcony. It's named after the typical reaction to the, "Holy crap, I'm pope" thought.

That's also what the delay was.
2013-03-13 03:11:15 PM
1 votes:
Are you ready?

I said "ARE YOU READY!!!"

Then for the thousands in attendance and the millions watching at home...Llllllllllllets get ready to pulpit.
2013-03-13 03:10:24 PM
1 votes:
Cyclometh:  And another few decades of backward, misogynistic, euro-centric idiocy.

I could not agree more. New Pope, same old shiat.
2013-03-13 03:10:07 PM
1 votes:
I'm betting they actually chose one last night, but let him have one last night on the town before the mantle of faux righteousness came down.

I say check out security cam footage from all the Roman strip clubs and see which pope contendee was doing shots and getting lapdances.
2013-03-13 03:10:06 PM
1 votes:
Are they doing the "sit on an open bottom chair and feel for testicles" thing now, or does that come later?
2013-03-13 03:09:37 PM
1 votes:
CENA SUCKS!
2013-03-13 03:08:03 PM
1 votes:

cgraves67: "Wow, I'm the pope. Oh, crap! I'm the pope!" - the new pope


http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1456472/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/We_Have_a_Pope_%28film%29

There was a movie with that plot a couple of years ago.  A humble old Cardinal is elected Pope, and freaks out at the realization of the magnitude of it.
2013-03-13 03:07:51 PM
1 votes:
almostitalian.com
2013-03-13 03:07:29 PM
1 votes:

GAT_00: Announcement imminent.


prepare for rapture!  rapture in 5 minutes!  alpha teams to start position. Alpha teams to start position.  rapture in 5 minutes!
2013-03-13 03:07:21 PM
1 votes:
Ignore the man behind the curtain
2013-03-13 03:06:28 PM
1 votes:
THIS ANNOUNCEMENT MAY CONTAIN STROBE EFFECTS
2013-03-13 03:05:00 PM
1 votes:

ImpatientlyUnsympathetic: DRESS HIM UP, SEND HIM OUT.


hello?  mind control parasite FIRST, then ceremony SECOND!  geez.  ya gotta get the order right.
2013-03-13 03:04:08 PM
1 votes:

FizixJunkee: MFAWG:

That was the theory going in: that they would name an African or Latin pope to try to stem the tide of Evangelicals, particularly in Latin America.

Are Popes elected for political reasons like this? I


Sometimes, but that would be a very bad reading of the situation- the Church is very strong in Latin America and Africa- the much larger problem is secularism and lack of interest in Europe and North America. If they were going to go geopolitical, they would choose somebody familiar with those dynamics who would be able to focus on reviving the church in the areas where it's weak, they wouldn't choose someone from where the church is strong. John Paul II, for example, was able to make Poland a beacon for the church in Europe- it is far, far more religious than any other place in Europe. The idea that they would choose an African or Latin American just as a token to reward Catholics in countries where the church is strong already- well, it makes very little sense to me.
2013-03-13 03:04:05 PM
1 votes:
c'mon Peter the Roman!
2013-03-13 03:04:03 PM
1 votes:
DRESS HIM UP, SEND HIM OUT.
2013-03-13 03:03:50 PM
1 votes:
This determines if I leave the Church or not. The only way they MIGHT be able to convince me to stay is if they go completely off the rails and elect a truly radical progressive reformer.

The chances of this are virtually nil.
2013-03-13 03:02:49 PM
1 votes:

Rann Xerox: bdub77: My money is on Scherer.

My money is on Ratzinger walking onto the balcony and saying: "Fooled you guys!"


BAH GAWD KING, THATS RATZINGERS MUSIC!  DAMN HIM.
2013-03-13 03:02:44 PM
1 votes:

Rann Xerox: bdub77: My money is on Scherer.

My money is on Ratzinger walking onto the balcony and saying: "Fooled you guys!"


taimapedia.org

IT WAS ME, AUSTIN!!!
2013-03-13 03:02:40 PM
1 votes:
I'm still rooting for this guy:

ic.pics.livejournal.com
2013-03-13 03:02:39 PM
1 votes:
New Pope throwing up, sobbing into the toilet that he's not ready as cardinals comfort him.
2013-03-13 03:01:50 PM
1 votes:

shortymac: durbnpoisn: Good.  Can we just get over this already?

Speaking as a non-Catholic, I find it completely absurd that the news media is portraying this as some sort of gigantic event for all of humanity.  My coffee will still taste the same tomorrow...  In other words, it means less than nothing to me.

Well it IS the election of a new world leader and millions regard him as a representative to God. His actions can heavily influence the world stage, not so much in the US but in places like Africa.

/Black Pope!
//BlackPope!!!


I also forgot to add that this is the first time in about 500 years that a Pope abdicated, so historically it's a big deal.
2013-03-13 03:01:06 PM
1 votes:

bdub77: My money is on Scherer.


My money is on Ratzinger walking onto the balcony and saying: "Fooled you guys!"
2013-03-13 03:01:02 PM
1 votes:
All it would take is one person with Yersinia pestis in that crowd and it'll wipe out half of Europe.

Again.

Ah, the 1340s... Good times, good times...
2013-03-13 03:00:41 PM
1 votes:

downstairs: hawcian: I can believe CNN has the least annoying coverage of this.

Did you mean can't?  I've only been watching CNN, and if others are worse.... sheesh.

These guys can't vamp for crap.  At least discuss history and the like.

They seriously had to inform us that this is the second pope of the millennium


Actually, third this millennium. JP2 was the doddering old guy in the funny hat from 2001-2005.

/this is why CNN is a jokenow.
2013-03-13 03:00:40 PM
1 votes:

NeoCortex42: Edwardo17: That's my concern as well; which is why the election of a new pope is so important. Can you imagine if the Church ended up selecting a moderate or even - gasp - a reformer?  What I'd really love to see is a new Vatican Council to address contemporary Church issues - the status of women, contraception, homosexuality and gay rights, the celibacy of priests, etc.

I'd be surprised if we don't see Vatican III within the next 10-15 years.


I wouldn't get your hopes up. Like most large and historic organizations, Catholicism moves at a glacial pace. It's a worldwide organization with large memberships in lots of places less progressive than the US, and we're hardly progressive on the world stage. This is an organization that views a few hundred years as a short period of time.
2013-03-13 03:00:18 PM
1 votes:

Edwardo17: durbnpoisn: Good.  Can we just get over this already?

Speaking as a non-Catholic, I find it completely absurd that the news media is portraying this as some sort of gigantic event for all of humanity.  My coffee will still taste the same tomorrow...  In other words, it means less than nothing to me.

Also speaking as a non-Catholic; the fact that you happen to think that it's not a big event says nothing about whether or not is actually is a major event. The Catholic Church is one of the largest, oldest, and most influential organizations in the history of civilization. Period. There are over 1.2 billion Catholics, and over 400,000 priests in the Church - not including the monastic orders, lay orders, and other affiliated organizations. The Pope has a remarkable amount of influence in the doctrinal decisions of the church, and church policy influences state policy in dozens of nations all over the world. The political and theological positions of the next pope will help to shape the church's stance on contraception, abortion, the status of women, and a host of other social and theological issues for the next several decades at least.

You can think it's absurd; you're free to feel that it means nothing to you. But let's be honest; the election of a new pope isa big deal.


This
2013-03-13 03:00:18 PM
1 votes:

VvonderJesus: The Twitter account is active.

#CMPO


That's part of the tradition. Fitted for robes new ring, hat, pick a new name, then reset the twitter account password. Been going on for about 2,000 years.
2013-03-13 03:00:11 PM
1 votes:

shortymac: durbnpoisn: Good.  Can we just get over this already?

Speaking as a non-Catholic, I find it completely absurd that the news media is portraying this as some sort of gigantic event for all of humanity.  My coffee will still taste the same tomorrow...  In other words, it means less than nothing to me.

Well it IS the election of a new world leader and millions regard him as a representative to God. His actions can heavily influence the world stage, not so much in the US but in places like Africa.

/Black Pope!
//BlackPope!!!


Thank you Black Dynamite!

/gives you Ooooooo.
2013-03-13 02:59:51 PM
1 votes:

FizixJunkee: MFAWG:

That was the theory going in: that they would name an African or Latin pope to try to stem the tide of Evangelicals, particularly in Latin America.

Are Popes elected for political reasons like this? I


Hell yes.
2013-03-13 02:59:29 PM
1 votes:
At what point in the ceremony does the newly elected pontiff take his traditional first shiat in the woods?
2013-03-13 02:59:21 PM
1 votes:
"Wow, I'm the pope. Oh, crap! I'm the pope!" - the new pope
2013-03-13 02:58:57 PM
1 votes:

syrynxx: chrylis: Nothing about the office, but I'm pretty sure the word "papa" shows up once or twice.

Perhaps depending on the translation, if they translate Aramaic 'abba' into Greek or Latin. And here's where belief runs off the rails of provability - my Master Mason friend insisted that the verse about the 'keys to the Kingdom of Heaven' that Catholics use as the foundation for the papacy was not in original texts, and was inserted by human transcribers later.


If so, it was a *very* early addition. The UBS 3rd edition doesn't list any alternate readings for that verse. I'm more skeptical about Masonic claims.
2013-03-13 02:58:27 PM
1 votes:

durbnpoisn: Good.  Can we just get over this already?

Speaking as a non-Catholic, I find it completely absurd that the news media is portraying this as some sort of gigantic event for all of humanity.  My coffee will still taste the same tomorrow...  In other words, it means less than nothing to me.


Well it IS the election of a new world leader and millions regard him as a representative to God. His actions can heavily influence the world stage, not so much in the US but in places like Africa.

/Black Pope!
//BlackPope!!!
2013-03-13 02:57:45 PM
1 votes:

Weaver95: KarmicDisaster: Weaver95: Petey4335: Weaver95: August11: What the hell is taking him so long? Put on the gown and get on the balcony! Sheesh.

they had to put the mind control parasite on first.

So, we're going to get a 15 year rein of this pope, he's going to die by the hands of G'kar and Vir will be the next pope?

pretty much, yeah.

He has to write an acceptance speech. Difficulty: in Aramaic.

WITHOUT accidentally summoning a greater daemon of slaanesh.


Klaatu Barada N... Necktie... Neckturn... Nickel... It's an "N" word, it's definitely an "N" word! Klaatu... Barada... N...
2013-03-13 02:57:32 PM
1 votes:
The Beeb is predicting it's Scola, an Italian and Benedict protege based on the speed of decision.
2013-03-13 02:56:55 PM
1 votes:
Announce the Pope or I will!
Announce the Pope or I will!!
2013-03-13 02:56:42 PM
1 votes:

ariseatex: Al-Jazeera is now implying that because the Pontifex twitter account has just been re-activated, the Cardinal known for being an active tweeter (Cardinal Scherer of Brazil) is probably the new pope.


That was the theory going in: that they would name an African or Latin pope to try to stem the tide of Evangelicals, particularly in Latin America.
2013-03-13 02:56:25 PM
1 votes:
CM PUNK chant drowned out by boos from nowhere
2013-03-13 02:55:11 PM
1 votes:

FizixJunkee: DaJesus: MNguy: Non-practicing Catholic here.  Chance of black Pope = <0%  Latin = 3%  Old white guy = 96.7%

Really? Because Cardinal Peter Turkson has been given 6/1 odds. 3rd best odds.
Source

Wasn't that African cardinal a forerunner the last time?


The Vatican has to abide by the Rooney Rule.
2013-03-13 02:54:17 PM
1 votes:
I hear if the new pope sees his shadow, there will be six more centuries of Catholic irrelevancy.
2013-03-13 02:53:55 PM
1 votes:

Nabb1: DamnYankees: What's the over/under one how many children the new pope raped? 15?

Man, you must have worked pretty hard to come up with something that original.


I wasn't aware I needed to be creative in my disgust for organizations that commit and aid in the commission of child rape.
2013-03-13 02:53:33 PM
1 votes:

MNguy: Non-practicing Catholic here.  Chance of black Pope = <0%  Latin = 3%  Old white guy = 96.7%


Really? Because Cardinal Peter Turkson has been given 6/1 odds. 3rd best odds.
Source
2013-03-13 02:53:20 PM
1 votes:

Queensowntalia: nekom: Is it just me or did that smoke look most definitely black at first, then turn white?

I was going to make a joke about cremating Michael Jackson, but couldn't decide if that went beyond even Fark's boundaries.


Fark's what? What are you talking about?
2013-03-13 02:53:11 PM
1 votes:
Al-Jazeera is now implying that because the Pontifex twitter account has just been re-activated, the Cardinal known for being an active tweeter (Cardinal Scherer of Brazil) is probably the new pope.
2013-03-13 02:52:34 PM
1 votes:

syrynxx: chrylis: Nothing about the office, but I'm pretty sure the word "papa" shows up once or twice.

Perhaps depending on the translation, if they translate Aramaic 'abba' into Greek or Latin. And here's where belief runs off the rails of provability - my Master Mason friend insisted that the verse about the 'keys to the Kingdom of Heaven' that Catholics use as the foundation for the papacy was not in original texts, and was inserted by human transcribers later.


So was the "let he who has not sinned cast the first stone" story. The Bible hasn't exactly been handed down unedited from the year 33 AD.
2013-03-13 02:52:26 PM
1 votes:
csb:

I was confirmed by a black Bishop.  Gregory I believe his name was.

No longer Catholic, but I think it would be a great step to name one of the Popes from Africa that were on the short list.
2013-03-13 02:52:19 PM
1 votes:

Edwardo17: This text is now purple: Edwardo17: Can you imagine if the Church ended up selecting a moderate or even - gasp - a reformer?

JPII only died like 5 years ago. He was a reformer.

In many ways I'd agree; he certainly did a lot to popularize the image of the Church in non-Christian nations, and he did make some fairly inclusive arguments about ending the divide between science and faith, but JP himself was a doctrinaire conservative; I wish I could find the quote, but for now I'll paraphrase: he was once overheard complaining about modern Catholic views on contraception and abortion, "You can't pick and choose", he apparently said, "You either accept it all, or you reject it". Don't get me wrong, I liked John Paul, but when I say reformer, I'm talking more along the lines of Paul VI. Does that make sense?


Sure.  The Church literally can not change certain things.  That's all there is to it.
2013-03-13 02:52:16 PM
1 votes:
i492.photobucket.com
2013-03-13 02:52:05 PM
1 votes:

JohnnyApocalypse: ... what's a pope?


He's an old guy in a funny hat who condones child molestation and dispises contraception, but that's not important right now.
2013-03-13 02:51:52 PM
1 votes:

mootmah: GAT_00: germ78: allegedman: QUICK SOMEBODY STAMPEDE CATTLE THROUGH THE VATICAN

I'm sure lots of Catholics rushed into St. Peter's Basilica upon hearing the news.

Most of Rome is en route I suspect.  That's actually why they're delaying.

Which makes it a perfect time for a thoughtful terrorist to make his name.

I think I read a book about that once. They turned it into a horrible movie.


No no, that was a terrible joke played once by a publishing company.  No author is actually that bad.
2013-03-13 02:51:22 PM
1 votes:

Lt. Cheese Weasel: Uchiha_Cycliste: Clintoned in the Boobies...  can I say that in a pope thread?

Say 10 Hail Drews and you will be forgiven, my son.


Fark that shiat! Pabst Blue Ribbon!

er, I mean,
Hail Drew full of PAbst
Drunken be thy name
Thy Farkdom done, Thy posts be done
in cali as they are in Kentucky.
give us this day our daily thread
and forgive us our trolling as we forgive those who flame against us.
And lead us not into alcoholism.
-Heineken.
2013-03-13 02:50:59 PM
1 votes:
I would love to see the black cardinal walk out. Their collective faces would look like the townsfolk did when Sheriff Bart rode up on Rock Ridge.
2013-03-13 02:50:03 PM
1 votes:

ExpressPork: Is there some kind of doomsday prophecy related to a pope named Peter?


Well there's old one, that's completely fabricated it wasn't ever made by the man it's attributed to, that says the last pope will be named Petrus Romanus, aka Peter the Roman.
2013-03-13 02:50:01 PM
1 votes:

neritz: Lost Thought 00: AngryDragon: MNguy: neritz:

Acceptable, but the butt hurt will be much greater with a black one.

/non-Catholic here.


Non-practicing Catholic here.  Chance of black Pope = <0%  Latin = 3%  Old white guy = 96.7%

I can live with that if the "old white guy" is a Jesuit.  That is the only hope that the Catholic Church has any real upheaval and modernization.  Real modernization, not Vatican II (ugh)

Don't hold your breath. The church would rather die than modernize.

Sounds Republican.


There's a difference between Republican and conservative.
2013-03-13 02:49:50 PM
1 votes:

Rev. Skarekroe: FirstNationalBastard: To be fair, all X-Men storylines (with the exception of Grant Morrison's run) have been horrible since the mid-80s.

You didn't like Whedon's or Ellis's?  Or whoever's writing "Wolverine And The X-Men"?


shiat, I forgot Whedon's Astonishing X-Men.

Hated everything on Astonishing after he left, though.

/and Peter David's X-Factor gets a special pass, since it's too good to be an X-Title.
2013-03-13 02:49:45 PM
1 votes:

KarmicDisaster: Weaver95: Petey4335: Weaver95: August11: What the hell is taking him so long? Put on the gown and get on the balcony! Sheesh.

they had to put the mind control parasite on first.

So, we're going to get a 15 year rein of this pope, he's going to die by the hands of G'kar and Vir will be the next pope?

pretty much, yeah.

He has to write an acceptance speech. Difficulty: in Aramaic.


WITHOUT accidentally summoning a greater daemon of slaanesh.
2013-03-13 02:49:43 PM
1 votes:
i171.photobucket.com

All hail Pope Hilarius the Second!
2013-03-13 02:49:14 PM
1 votes:

germ78: allegedman: QUICK SOMEBODY STAMPEDE CATTLE THROUGH THE VATICAN

I'm sure lots of Catholics rushed into St. Peter's Basilica upon hearing the news.


Most of Rome is en route I suspect.  That's actually why they're delaying.

Which makes it a perfect time for a thoughtful terrorist to make his name.
2013-03-13 02:48:28 PM
1 votes:
KarmicDisaster:

He has to write an acceptance speech. Difficulty: in Aramaic.

CSB: A Catholic friend of mine asked me to translate some passage in the Bible for him.  The passage was written with the Hebrew alphabet, so I thought a quick glance at it would be all that I needed.  Nope.  It made no sense to me whatsoever.  I couldn't figure it out.  I mean, my Hebrew isn't great, but it's not crummy, either.

That's when I figured out it was Aramaic and not Hebrew.

\end{CSB}
2013-03-13 02:48:19 PM
1 votes:

Lost Thought 00: AngryDragon: MNguy: neritz:

Acceptable, but the butt hurt will be much greater with a black one.

/non-Catholic here.


Non-practicing Catholic here.  Chance of black Pope = <0%  Latin = 3%  Old white guy = 96.7%

I can live with that if the "old white guy" is a Jesuit.  That is the only hope that the Catholic Church has any real upheaval and modernization.  Real modernization, not Vatican II (ugh)

Don't hold your breath. The church would rather die than modernize.


Sounds Republican.
2013-03-13 02:48:16 PM
1 votes:

robsul82: Papa.

Oscar.

Papa.

Echo.

POPE

/BAH GAWD KING HE'S COMING THROUGH THE CROWD


LMAO, Damn you making me laugh too loudly at work!
2013-03-13 02:47:21 PM
1 votes:

bluorangefyre: God help us if its (a) that guy from Ghana who's named Peter


I've seen this said a few times in this thread.  Is there some kind of doomsday prophecy related to a pope named Peter?
2013-03-13 02:47:14 PM
1 votes:

allegedman: QUICK SOMEBODY STAMPEDE CATTLE THROUGH THE VATICAN


I'm sure lots of Catholics rushed into St. Peter's Basilica upon hearing the news.
2013-03-13 02:47:13 PM
1 votes:
TIM TEBOW FOR POPE!
2013-03-13 02:46:44 PM
1 votes:

AngryDragon: MNguy: neritz:

Acceptable, but the butt hurt will be much greater with a black one.

/non-Catholic here.


Non-practicing Catholic here.  Chance of black Pope = <0%  Latin = 3%  Old white guy = 96.7%

I can live with that if the "old white guy" is a Jesuit.  That is the only hope that the Catholic Church has any real upheaval and modernization.  Real modernization, not Vatican II (ugh)


Don't hold your breath. The church would rather die than modernize.
2013-03-13 02:46:28 PM
1 votes:

Weaver95: iheartscotch: Weaver95: Peter the Roman.  that's his name.  Peter the Roman.

or Pieter DeVries.  that would be better.

Yeaaaahhhh, the mind sees what it wants to see.

St. Malachy might have been right; or he might have gotten into the holy hooch. But, I guarantee; the name, Peter the Roman, follows this next pope FOR-EV-ER, FOR-EV-ER, FOR-EV-ER

only if this Pope ends up being the last one and the Church implodes.


True

Personally; I hope for a younger guy, like JP2, who can actually help restructure the church with the goal of kicking out and prosecution of the people who really perpetrated crimes against others.

/ but, it's likely to be an older, recalcitrant Italian
2013-03-13 02:46:24 PM
1 votes:
Papa.

Oscar.

Papa.

Echo.


POPE

/BAH GAWD KING HE'S COMING THROUGH THE CROWD
2013-03-13 02:45:32 PM
1 votes:

NeoCortex42: digitalrain: Agreed. I don't want a NoAm Pope though. Most of the child molestation coverups occurred over here. I don't
want that kind of complicity sitting on the Pope throne.

Same here.  I would rather the boring European Pope who would change nothing over an American Pope.


That isn't what I meant at all. I don't know that an American Pope would change anything at all. I'm afraid
that an American Pope would be even more likely to cover things up. That's all.
2013-03-13 02:45:30 PM
1 votes:

GAT_00: robsul82: The CNN.com guy left his mic on.  Got to hear the production manager talking with someone named Emma about how "the last announcement with Ratzinger was in Latin, so it's important that someone knows it."

The Beeb covered that 10 minutes ago, about how they need to be quick on the translation.


On it.

media.tumblr.com
2013-03-13 02:45:27 PM
1 votes:

DickDarlington: Hummm, should I know the lyrics?


That was the Italian national anthem there, very singable (a bit violent though lyrics wise)
2013-03-13 02:45:03 PM
1 votes:

TheOther: Millions watching a stovepipe online now have nothing to do.


Well, I am kind of a big deal.
2013-03-13 02:44:50 PM
1 votes:

durbnpoisn: Edwardo17: durbnpoisn: Good.  Can we just get over this already?

Speaking as a non-Catholic, I find it completely absurd that the news media is portraying this as some sort of gigantic event for all of humanity.  My coffee will still taste the same tomorrow...  In other words, it means less than nothing to me.

Also speaking as a non-Catholic; the fact that you happen to think that it's not a big event says nothing about whether or not is actually is a major event. The Catholic Church is one of the largest, oldest, and most influential organizations in the history of civilization. Period. There are over 1.2 billion Catholics, and over 400,000 priests in the Church - not including the monastic orders, lay orders, and other affiliated organizations. The Pope has a remarkable amount of influence in the doctrinal decisions of the church, and church policy influences state policy in dozens of nations all over the world. The political and theological positions of the next pope will help to shape the church's stance on contraception, abortion, the status of women, and a host of other social and theological issues for the next several decades at least.

You can think it's absurd; you're free to feel that it means nothing to you. But let's be honest; the election of a new pope isa big deal.

I understand you're (and every one else's) point on this.  But let's also be honest about this...   There are almost 4.5 billion people that couldn't care less about the Pope or what what he has to say.  Thusly why I think it's so absurd that people think the world is going to change.

So, in response to the other person condemiing my coffee analogy...  If best Korea attacked any country in the world, THAT would be a world changing event.  Because the response could almost certainly start a very large war.


I hear you, but consider this: 6.5 billion humans aren't Americans and yet many of them care who is elected President. Sure, the president has nukes at his disposal, but even if he didn't, his actions have an effect that ripples out far beyond the borders of his country. The church is the same; when healthcare debates pop up in the United States, the Church has a representative there; when anti-HIV/AIDS groups in Africa engage in their work, they run headlong into the Church. The Church runs hospitals, schools, universities, orphanages; just about any social service you can imagine, and all of them are, to some extent, bound by the dictates of Rome.

The Church is a funky sort of political animal; it has little physical might, yet it continues to wield massive influence - even in institutions like the UN, where it has 'official observer' status. The election of a new pope is a rarer event than the election of a new national leader, and it has the added effect of having ramifications in just about every single nation on earth where more than a few thousands Catholics live.
2013-03-13 02:44:45 PM
1 votes:

texdent: [upload.wikimedia.org image 250x333]

The new Pope?

/That was an awful storyline


To be fair, all X-Men storylines (with the exception of Grant Morrison's run) have been horrible since the mid-80s.
2013-03-13 02:44:26 PM
1 votes:
I am not one to get stage fright...that being said...I do not know if I would want to go up, live...in front of all those people and the world.  I mean, there are literally hundreds of millions of people watching this, perhaps even a couple billion....

that just blows my mind...
2013-03-13 02:44:22 PM
1 votes:

digitalrain: Most of the child molestation coverups occurred over here


Actually in parts of Europe it was at least as bad as in the US.
2013-03-13 02:44:18 PM
1 votes:
Christ, I despise conductors who don't actually show a beat...
2013-03-13 02:44:08 PM
1 votes:

robsul82: The CNN.com guy left his mic on.  Got to hear the production manager talking with someone named Emma about how "the last announcement with Ratzinger was in Latin, so it's important that someone knows it."


The Beeb covered that 10 minutes ago, about how they need to be quick on the translation.
2013-03-13 02:44:01 PM
1 votes:
C'MOOOOON BLACK GUY!
2013-03-13 02:42:48 PM
1 votes:

digitalrain: Agreed. I don't want a NoAm Pope though. Most of the child molestation coverups occurred over here. I don't
want that kind of complicity sitting on the Pope throne.


Same here.  I would rather the boring European Pope who would change nothing over an American Pope.
2013-03-13 02:42:37 PM
1 votes:

Petey4335: Weaver95: August11: What the hell is taking him so long? Put on the gown and get on the balcony! Sheesh.

they had to put the mind control parasite on first.

So, we're going to get a 15 year rein of this pope, he's going to die by the hands of G'kar and Vir will be the next pope?


pretty much, yeah.
2013-03-13 02:42:11 PM
1 votes:
www.fwb21.com
2013-03-13 02:42:03 PM
1 votes:
I'm watching this and can't help but think of great places for Ezio to air assassinate from.
2013-03-13 02:41:54 PM
1 votes:

scottydoesntknow: [2.bp.blogspot.com image 850x478]



YES!  I came here for the Eurotrip reference, and I leave satisfied.

Bonus points for your Fark handle.

Fun fact:

IIRC, HBO was going to show Eurotrip back in 2005, and then opted not to.....because Pope John Paul II had just passed away.
2013-03-13 02:41:51 PM
1 votes:

WinoRhino: I expected the Pope's music to be more... regal and less "Hurry, hurry hurrrry! Step right up and ride the tilt-a-whirl!"


I was hoping they'd play the Imperial March,
2013-03-13 02:41:44 PM
1 votes:

Edwardo17: Can you imagine if the Church ended up selecting a moderate or even - gasp - a reformer?


JPII only died like 5 years ago. He was a reformer.
2013-03-13 02:41:43 PM
1 votes:
TheShavingofOccam123:

A LOT of American frontier women died from "her petticoats catching fire at the hearth".  Yeah, wool and cotton just explode into flames.


Wool generally isn't flammable.  In fact, you can buy natural flame-retardent mattresses made from wool.

Cotton, on the other hand, is.
2013-03-13 02:41:40 PM
1 votes:
Wow, that's a lot of military parade for the hippie peacenik religion Jesus founded. It must be heartwarming for Catholics to know that their religious donations are being spent on mercenaries with automatic weapons. Come to think on it, you'd think Catholicism would be on the rise in America for that reason alone.
2013-03-13 02:41:31 PM
1 votes:
God help us if its (a) that guy from Ghana who's named Peter or (b) its an American.  But especially (a).  Then we may need to re-calculate the Apocalypse.
2013-03-13 02:41:15 PM
1 votes:
Notified by PopeAlert
2013-03-13 02:41:14 PM
1 votes:

Prank Call of Cthulhu: Actually is Pope Dolan?

[i48.tinypic.com image 418x278]


A Dolan pick would cement the idea that the Vatican has no interest in either reform, or clean up of their scandals.
2013-03-13 02:41:12 PM
1 votes:

NeoCortex42: digitalrain: As a Catholic, I'm very nervous about our new Pope, whoever he may be. Will he continue on with the status quo or will he really step up do what is needed for the Church. We need someone whose kneejerk reaction ISN'T "hide the skeletons as far back in the closet as humanly possible". I can't think of anything in recent times that has damaged the Church's credibility as much as the issue of child molestation and covering up for those clergy who preyed on the most innocent among their congregation.

People would have a lot more respect for the Church if the powers that be had just stepped up and said "we've uncovered monsters in our midst and are turning him over to the authorities".

If it's a European Pope, I'll be disappointed (but not surprised).  It would most likely mean a traditionalist who won't change much.

A Latin American or African Pope could be very interesting.


Agreed. I don't want a NoAm Pope though. Most of the child molestation coverups occurred over here. I don't
want that kind of complicity sitting on the Pope throne.
2013-03-13 02:41:02 PM
1 votes:

drdank: Actually, Ratzingers firing up the ol crematory for old times sake.


Very nice.
2013-03-13 02:40:59 PM
1 votes:
why does the swiss guard marching around the vatican remind me of this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjBrkfX_XHw
2013-03-13 02:40:19 PM
1 votes:

henryhill: What exactly is extraordinary about something that has been done for many hundreds of years?


A lot of things have been done for many hundreds of years.  What's important about any of them?  What's important about anything at all?
2013-03-13 02:39:41 PM
1 votes:
Are we sure the new Pope isn't just Ronaiah Tuiasosopo?
- Will McAvoy (@WillMcAvoyACN) March 13, 2013
2013-03-13 02:39:10 PM
1 votes:

Lt. Cheese Weasel: iheartscotch: So, if the pope weighs the same as a duck; he's made of wood?

Who are you who is so wise in the ways of science?


I am Arthur, King of the Britians!
2013-03-13 02:38:58 PM
1 votes:
With the effect that the Catholic Church has on so many things - condom use in Africa that could stop a lot of the HIV issues in that part of the world, for example - I think that this is very big news whether or not one is Catholic.
2013-03-13 02:38:38 PM
1 votes:

iheartscotch: Weaver95: Peter the Roman.  that's his name.  Peter the Roman.

or Pieter DeVries.  that would be better.

Yeaaaahhhh, the mind sees what it wants to see.

St. Malachy might have been right; or he might have gotten into the holy hooch. But, I guarantee; the name, Peter the Roman, follows this next pope FOR-EV-ER, FOR-EV-ER, FOR-EV-ER


only if this Pope ends up being the last one and the Church implodes.
2013-03-13 02:38:37 PM
1 votes:
christwire.org
/habeo nullum
2013-03-13 02:38:36 PM
1 votes:

Edwardo17: That's my concern as well; which is why the election of a new pope is so important. Can you imagine if the Church ended up selecting a moderate or even - gasp - a reformer?  What I'd really love to see is a new Vatican Council to address contemporary Church issues - the status of women, contraception, homosexuality and gay rights, the celibacy of priests, etc.


I'd be surprised if we don't see Vatican III within the next 10-15 years.
2013-03-13 02:38:07 PM
1 votes:
i.imgur.com

Poperah!
2013-03-13 02:37:48 PM
1 votes:
Battle of the papal bands!!
2013-03-13 02:36:48 PM
1 votes:

durbnpoisn: So, in response to the other person condemiing my coffee analogy...  If best Korea attacked any country in the world, THAT would be a world changing event.  Because the response could almost certainly start a very large war.


Nah, it would just cause North Korea to be bombed back to the stone age. No way China ever steps in to defend their stupidity.
2013-03-13 02:36:43 PM
1 votes:

As a very confused but enthusiastic American once wrote on a sign for a papal celebration in Mexico City:


VIVA LA PAPA! VIVA LA PAPA! VIVA LA PAPA!


/white smoke must mean deep fat fried potatoes
2013-03-13 02:35:57 PM
1 votes:

robsul82: BAH GAWD KING THAT'S THE POPE'S MUSIC


Ok, I lol'd.
2013-03-13 02:35:21 PM
1 votes:
I expected the Pope's music to be more... regal and less "Hurry, hurry hurrrry! Step right up and ride the tilt-a-whirl!"
2013-03-13 02:35:05 PM
1 votes:
pbs.twimg.com
2013-03-13 02:34:45 PM
1 votes:
rev. dave:   I would prefer someone who would allow women Bishops and Cardinals.  Women would have a better chance at fixing the messes they have gotten into.


Haha.  Oh, wait, are you serious?  Because that is not going to happen.
2013-03-13 02:34:39 PM
1 votes:

Endive Wombat: what do they use to make the smoke white?

.


Protestants
2013-03-13 02:34:01 PM
1 votes:

iheartscotch: So, if the pope weighs the same as a duck; he's made of wood?


Who are you who is so wise in the ways of science?
2013-03-13 02:33:03 PM
1 votes:
Weaver95: hmm. well that was quicker than I expected.

Hasn't it been only two days of conclaving for the past two popes too? Maybe they wanted to keep the streak going.


115 old guys in one room with no windows? Even they couldn't take it. "Lets-a getta us a-pope before a-frankie rips a-another.
2013-03-13 02:32:52 PM
1 votes:
4.bp.blogspot.com

Pope coming out.
2013-03-13 02:32:09 PM
1 votes:

robsul82: Good news - the frontrunner for the Papacy said feminism is the reason for homosexual men.


didn't Rush Limbaugh say that?
2013-03-13 02:31:41 PM
1 votes:

digitalrain: As a Catholic, I'm very nervous about our new Pope, whoever he may be. Will he continue on with the status quo or will he really step up do what is needed for the Church. We need someone whose kneejerk reaction ISN'T "hide the skeletons as far back in the closet as humanly possible". I can't think of anything in recent times that has damaged the Church's credibility as much as the issue of child molestation and covering up for those clergy who preyed on the most innocent among their congregation.

People would have a lot more respect for the Church if the powers that be had just stepped up and said "we've uncovered monsters in our midst and are turning him over to the authorities".


If it's a European Pope, I'll be disappointed (but not surprised).  It would most likely mean a traditionalist who won't change much.

A Latin American or African Pope could be very interesting.
2013-03-13 02:31:26 PM
1 votes:
Peter the Roman.  that's his name.  Peter the Roman.

or Pieter DeVries.  that would be better.
2013-03-13 02:31:17 PM
1 votes:
So, if the pope weighs the same as a duck; he's made of wood?
2013-03-13 02:31:13 PM
1 votes:
Good news - the frontrunner for the Papacy said feminism is the reason for homosexual men.
2013-03-13 02:30:26 PM
1 votes:

vernonFL: NeoCortex42: Wasn't Peter Jewish?

Wasn't Jesus Jewish?

But, yeah, Peter was the first Jewish Pope.


The word "Pope" or any form of it appears in the Bible as often as the words "Quantum entanglement".  It is a political office, end of story.
2013-03-13 02:30:16 PM
1 votes:

Edwardo17: durbnpoisn: Good.  Can we just get over this already?

Speaking as a non-Catholic, I find it completely absurd that the news media is portraying this as some sort of gigantic event for all of humanity.  My coffee will still taste the same tomorrow...  In other words, it means less than nothing to me.

Also speaking as a non-Catholic; the fact that you happen to think that it's not a big event says nothing about whether or not is actually is a major event. The Catholic Church is one of the largest, oldest, and most influential organizations in the history of civilization. Period. There are over 1.2 billion Catholics, and over 400,000 priests in the Church - not including the monastic orders, lay orders, and other affiliated organizations. The Pope has a remarkable amount of influence in the doctrinal decisions of the church, and church policy influences state policy in dozens of nations all over the world. The political and theological positions of the next pope will help to shape the church's stance on contraception, abortion, the status of women, and a host of other social and theological issues for the next several decades at least.

You can think it's absurd; you're free to feel that it means nothing to you. But let's be honest; the election of a new pope isa big deal.


Agreed.  The bad news is, the church seems intent on taking all of those issues back to the dark ages.
2013-03-13 02:30:12 PM
1 votes:
i36.photobucket.com
You are now reading this thread in Gilbert Gottfried's voice
2013-03-13 02:29:39 PM
1 votes:

what_now: Excellent job, Subby.

I have a feeling this is one of those headlines that was thought up in advance, like mine for when Dick Cheney dies.


Nope. I tried the Pope is coming out, then saw the sea of identical headlines and this one just poped in to my head.
2013-03-13 02:28:53 PM
1 votes:

ariseatex: Weaver95: hmm.  well that was quicker than I expected.

Hasn't it been only two days of conclaving for the past two popes too?  Maybe they wanted to keep the streak going.


kinda makes me believe that the decision had mostly been made before they started the election.  they just spent 2 days going through the rituals and traditions and didn't actually discuss the candidates.
2013-03-13 02:28:34 PM
1 votes:
My prediction for pope:

Cardinal Angelo Scola will be Pope Peter II.
2013-03-13 02:28:11 PM
1 votes:

gas giant: A second pope has hit the world tra...Oh, f*ck it.

Maybe they elected Berlusconi.


No way. He's straight and not a pedophile.
2013-03-13 02:27:47 PM
1 votes:

chrylis: cretinbob:

Whoa. What anti-Catholic screed is *that* from?


Prayer against the Antichrist and Pope in Rome with his Adherents

Beloved God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!  We pray You: visit us once again with all Your wonderful works, and let us see the day of the coming of the glory of Your Son, when that joker, the Antichrist, who is the man of sin and the son of perdition (2 Thessalonians 2: 3-4), will be overthrown and smashed to pieces.  Bring to an end the massive deception of the devil, through which, sadly, at each moment many thousand souls perish and are dragged into hell, only for this reason-that the [adherents of the Pope] want to preserve the tyranny of the detestable and apostate (that is, [Christ-] renouncing] chair in Rome in its essential nature [as the seat within God's temple in which man exalts himself above God-2 Thessalonians 2:4].   To this the whole world says, Amen, Amen.  Martin Luther (1483-1546)

I was going for the St. Malachy Antichrist angle though. I'm not anti-catholic personally.
2013-03-13 02:27:27 PM
1 votes:
TLDC (Too long, Didn't Care).
So, who's the new King of Pedophiles?
2013-03-13 02:26:29 PM
1 votes:
Dammit.  This headline is better then anything I could come up with.

:(
2013-03-13 02:26:14 PM
1 votes:
A true story about the Vatican:

My brother used to run an online store for women's underwear. One of his popular items was a thong with the Vatican flag on it. Sadly he had to take it the website down due to a cease and desist demand from Vatican city.

it was called hahapanties.com
2013-03-13 02:26:10 PM
1 votes:
hmm.  well that was quicker than I expected.
2013-03-13 02:25:59 PM
1 votes:
A second pope has hit the world tra...Oh, f*ck it.

Maybe they elected Berlusconi.
2013-03-13 02:25:33 PM
1 votes:

Wind Chimes: henryhill: neritz: netgamer7k: [i.imgur.com image 250x135]

Please be a black pope!!!

This.

What he said.


Italy will lose it's collective racist mind.  The lulz would be glorious.
2013-03-13 02:25:26 PM
1 votes:

MNguy: henryhill: neritz: netgamer7k: [i.imgur.com image 250x135]

Please be a black pope!!!

This.

Latin American


Acceptable, but the butt hurt will be much greater with a black one.

/non-Catholic here.
2013-03-13 02:25:25 PM
1 votes:
Did the Galgamex get to vote on this pope?

ct.fra.bz
2013-03-13 02:25:12 PM
1 votes:
media.tumblr.com
2013-03-13 02:24:54 PM
1 votes:
imageshack.us
2013-03-13 02:24:53 PM
1 votes:

Donnchadha: [images2.wikia.nocookie.net image 271x275]


Came for Space Pope, leaving satisfied.
2013-03-13 02:23:58 PM
1 votes:

henryhill: neritz: netgamer7k: [i.imgur.com image 250x135]

Please be a black pope!!!

This.


Latin American
2013-03-13 02:23:53 PM
1 votes:
Karl Rove insisting it's still too early to call
2013-03-13 02:23:37 PM
1 votes:
Welcome, Pope George Ringo.
2013-03-13 02:23:29 PM
1 votes:

neritz: netgamer7k: [i.imgur.com image 250x135]

Please be a black pope!!!

This.

2013-03-13 02:23:21 PM
1 votes:
Come on Jesuit Pope.

Or black Pope, because the reactions would be fun.  Just don't be another traditional European Pope.  Or American.
2013-03-13 02:22:09 PM
1 votes:
I'm hoping for a transgender advocate of LGBT rights. That would be something worth tuning in for.
2013-03-13 02:21:40 PM
1 votes:
It must be pretty cool to be able to suddenly become infallable just because a bunch of old, mostly white, allegedly-celibate dudes wearing red dresses vote that you are. Too bad we can't elect presidents that way.
2013-03-13 02:21:16 PM
1 votes:
In Scientology, you'd have to pay thousands of dollars and get tons of audits for this kind of thing.
2013-03-13 02:20:56 PM
1 votes:

durbnpoisn: Good.  Can we just get over this already?

Speaking as a non-Catholic, I find it completely absurd that the news media is portraying this as some sort of gigantic event for all of humanity.  My coffee will still taste the same tomorrow...  In other words, it means less than nothing to me.


he is the leader of a massive orginization.  1 billion followers.  thats not small potatoes.  plus add in the craziness that the church has gone through over the last several years...there is a lot of historical significance
2013-03-13 02:20:38 PM
1 votes:
Now. We're rooting for Christoph Schoenborn of Austria. We don't want Arinze or Scola or Turkson or Ouellet or Sandri.
2013-03-13 02:20:28 PM
1 votes:

TomD9938: First Jewish Pope?


First pope Jewish.
2013-03-13 02:20:21 PM
1 votes:
Hang the Pope
Hang the Pope
Hang the Pope
Hang the Pope
Hang the Pope
Hang the Pope
Hang with a farking rope

Let's go to the Vatican
Get him out of bed
Put the noose around his neck
And hang him till he's farking dead


Thank you Nuclear Assault.
2013-03-13 02:19:46 PM
1 votes:
My money's on the old white guy.
2013-03-13 02:19:40 PM
1 votes:
Who gives a real damned about this out-dated, unnecessary, ineffective, and absurd title? It means nothing! I think 100-200 years from now almost any signs of real religion as practice will be gone. All I read these days are how many kids don't believe anything like this bullshiat. Thanks innanets and educashuns!
2013-03-13 02:19:39 PM
1 votes:
msnbcmedia.msn.com

BREAKING NEWS: MARIJUANA LEGALIZED IN VATICAN CITY

/meh
2013-03-13 02:19:30 PM
1 votes:
Wow, Rodman shows up in Rome and the Pope is chosen.  This man can get things done!  Let's get him on the sequester.
2013-03-13 02:19:08 PM
1 votes:

allegedman: QUICK SOMEBODY STAMPEDE CATTLE THROUGH THE VATICAN


Kinky . . .
2013-03-13 02:19:06 PM
1 votes:
2.bp.blogspot.com
2013-03-13 02:18:46 PM
1 votes:
It was really refreshing to have Catholic threads that didn't involve boy-rape or the battle against the evils of birth control.


/fun while it lasted
2013-03-13 02:18:27 PM
1 votes:

cretinbob:


Whoa. What anti-Catholic screed is *that* from?
2013-03-13 02:17:42 PM
1 votes:
LaRussa coming back? Good deal.
2013-03-13 02:17:30 PM
1 votes:
QUICK SOMEBODY STAMPEDE CATTLE THROUGH THE VATICAN
2013-03-13 02:17:27 PM
1 votes:
Pope jonathan Livingston I.
2013-03-13 02:16:43 PM
1 votes:
The white smoke is really from the celebratory bong hits for coming to a decision.
2013-03-13 02:16:32 PM
1 votes:

Summoner101: This headline is not infantile enough for the depths Fark sinks to.

/C'mon, "Ok, Pope is coming out."
//Comedy gold, Jerry!


I was late.  New Pope selected.  Classic Pope still better tasting.
2013-03-13 02:16:21 PM
1 votes:
The Antichrist rises
2013-03-13 02:15:25 PM
1 votes:
Is it just me or did that smoke look most definitely black at first, then turn white?  Or maybe it's just because it's dark there.

POPE THREAD!!!1
2013-03-13 02:15:16 PM
1 votes:
Is it Dennis Rodman?
2013-03-13 02:15:02 PM
1 votes:
 
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