The discovery of the text doesn't mean these events happened, but rather that some people living at the time appear to have believed in them, said Roelof van den Broek, of Utrecht University in the Netherlands

So, kind of like the other texts out there?

CapeFearCadaver: The discovery of the text doesn't mean these events happened, but rather that some people living at the time appear to have believed in them, said Roelof van den Broek, of Utrecht University in the Netherlands

So, kind of like the other texts out there?

No, of course not. Thosetexts are absolutely true and the Word of God.

CapeFearCadaver: The discovery of the text doesn't mean these events happened, but rather that some people living at the time appear to have believed in them, said Roelof van den Broek, of Utrecht University in the Netherlands

So, kind of like the other texts out there?

dammit.

Was going with: So like the rest of the Biblical texts?  But yours is fine...

/kicks foot in the dirt and walks away

possibility one: Jesus was a trickster god, or maybe a trickster god created christianity as a joke that later got outta hand.

possibility two: 'Jesus' was the user name on the account.  the disciples created 'Jesus' as a persona.  they made up a costume, perfected the stage act and then swapped identities around whenever they went into a big town.  But things get too big too fast, and Judas and Peter figure they gotta find a way to calm that shiat down before they ALL end up getting stoned in the town square.  so they get the dumbest, most trusting guy in the pile to assume the persona of Jesus telling him that hey, it's cool...one more big score and they'll all blow town.  the fix is in, they'll get him out of it before he goes down for good.  He just has to play the role and Pilate will rough him up, let him go.   things are going great until the crowd goes nuts.  Pilate took the bribe but to keep the crowd from going all stabby he's got no choice - he HAS to sell 'Jesus' down the river.  So this guy ends up playing the role of his life: the whole deal....whipping, crucifixion, torture...the whole bit.  Judas and Peter are appalled, this wasn't part of the plan but they're in too deep.  they hang around for a bit, not knowing what to do next.  after 'Jesus' is dead, they figure they'd better go get the body because with all this attention someone might go dig up 'Jesus' and see if descriptions match.  if someone figures out 'Jesus' is just an actor playing a role, they'll ALL go down in flames.  they get Mary and the girls to make up a crazy story about angels, haul the body out of town in the dead of night, and bury it in an unmarked grave out in the desert.  then they spend the next 50 years playing up the cult from behind the scenes, Peter lets it go to his head and Judas gets a serious case of the guilts and either hangs himself or the other disciples off him and make it look like a suicide.

Done in one.

Weaver95: Jesus was a trickster god, or maybe a trickster god created christianity as a joke that later got outta hand

That f*cking Loki.

Dread Pirate Jesus.

Ancient egypt ended several hundred years BC

So this is very much newsworthy.

The discovery of the text doesn't mean these events happened, but rather that some people living at the time appear to have believed in them, saidRoelof van den Broek, of Utrecht University in the Netherlands, who published the translation in the book "Pseudo-Cyril of Jerusalem on the Life and the"(Brill, 2013).

Well, no...of course not. You're not going to just automatically believe a bunch of wildly implausible ancient text is TRUE. That would be crazy...

Molavian: Weaver95: Jesus was a trickster god, or maybe a trickster god created christianity as a joke that later got outta hand

That f*cking Loki.

he should stick to being dumped on by snake venom if he knows what's good for him.

"Pilate, then, looked at Jesus and, behold, he became incorporeal: He did not see him for a long time ..." the text read.

Expanded Universe Jesus has way cooler powers than canon Jesus.

That's impossible. There were no cell phones back then.

Weaver95: possibility one: Jesus was a trickster god, or maybe a trickster god created christianity as a joke that later got outta hand.

possibility two: 'Jesus' was the user name on the account.  the disciples created 'Jesus' as a persona.  they made up a costume, perfected the stage act and then swapped identities around whenever they went into a big town.

That would explain the Jesus sightings after he was crucified.

FTFA:  A newly deciphered Egyptian text, dating back almost 1,200 years...

The Gospels in the New Testament were written closer to 1,900, to 2,000 years ago - still within the lifetimes of some of the people mentioned in them. This manuscript would have been written around 700-900 AD, long after the events took place and centuries after the deaths anybody who was around then and could dispute its veracity.

in short, fanfic until proven otherwise.

PreMortem: Weaver95: possibility one: Jesus was a trickster god, or maybe a trickster god created christianity as a joke that later got outta hand.

possibility two: 'Jesus' was the user name on the account.  the disciples created 'Jesus' as a persona.  they made up a costume, perfected the stage act and then swapped identities around whenever they went into a big town.

That would explain the Jesus sightings after he was crucified.

my theory fits a lot of the facts in evidence.

spentmiles: "Pilate and his wife both have visions that night that show an eagle (representing Jesus) being killed."

I knew Jesus was a'merican!  fark yeah!

The shape-shifter part actually answers another long-standing riddle...namely, how a blue-eyed, flaxen haired, square-jawed, red blooded American white man was able to blend in with a bunch of dirty Arabian looking people. He just shape-shifted to look like one of them so he could go undercover.

redlegrick: I'm on board with option #2. And I can see that done up as a screenplay. My only question is, who'd direct it?

let me finish writing the screenplay first, then we'll start shopping for a director.

"Let's go kill Jesus."

/best Christmas episode ever

I love apocryphal texts.  I especially like the one where Jesus is a snot-nosed punk that goes around killing children who piss him off. Don't worry, he kindly brings them back.

you know, being raised Roman Catholic I was raised more on the jist of the Bible rather than its actual text, but this passage leapt screaming out at me when I read it the other day:

Mark 6:
Jesus left there and went to his hometown, accompanied by his disciples. ²When the Sabbath came, he began to teach in the synagogue, and many who heard him were amazed.
"Where did this man get these things?" they asked. "What's this wisdom that has been given him? What are these remarkable miracles he is performing? ³Isn't this the carpenter? Isn't this Mary's son and the brother of James, Joseph, Judas and Simon? Aren't his sisters here with us?" And they took offense at him.

Having read that I find it utterly remarkable tht in the 2,000 year history of Christian tradtion, that nobody seems to have ever written a gospel that suggested that Judas Iscariot, the betrayer of Jesus, was one and the same as Judas, Jesus' kid brother.  I mean the dynamic of that relationship would make such a compelling psychological drama, it's strange no sect or cult ever siezed on it.  and Jesus had SISTERS? Can you imagine what dating one of them must have been like?

(yeah I know the RC church's official line is that he was an only child and his Momma somehow remained a virgin even after having it, but that's so pants-on-head stupid that like Most Catholics I just point and laugh when someone brings that up)