Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Slate)   A complete step-by-step guide on how to get drunk in public   ( divider line
    More: PSA, police superintendent, broken windows, urination, Chicagoans, public parks  
•       •       •

7364 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Mar 2013 at 8:14 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

59 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

2013-03-13 01:31:54 AM  
Use a paper bag.

I've always found this one hilarious, I see this quite a lot in the town I live in. Do people honestly think nobody knows what's in the bag? It's even more ridiculous when they're drinking a 40 and the bag only covers half the bottle. You're not fooling anyone moron!
2013-03-13 01:41:36 AM  
I assume this is an advisory for the upcoming St Pat's day festivities...

2013-03-13 09:40:18 AM  
"We're not interventioning him for a lack of good ideas."
2013-03-13 10:23:56 AM  

Rapmaster2000: [ image 500x333]

Put your wine in a Diet Coke can.

That's a great idea because I like to gesture wildly when drinking.
2013-03-13 11:52:53 AM
2013-03-15 11:35:53 PM  

TommyDeuce: Bathia_Mapes: [ image 600x476]

"Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! I was drunk in a bar! They, threw me into public-KA! I don't want to be drunk in public-KA! I wanna be drunk in a bar, which is perfectly legal! Arrest them!"

A Classic among classics

Reminds me of a freshman panicking when I was a campus policeman.  I was guarding a 24-hour building entrance that shift, bored as fark, having already finished reading an entire Sunday Oregonian end-to-end and was working on a New York Times (including the totally irrelevant shiat like the NYMTA rerouting subways and changing from one kind of token to some form of card).  Dude rolls in at beerDARK30, I recognized him.  He freezes, sees I'm pretty bored looking, and goes, "Oh shiat!"  The following conversation ensues:

"Is there something wrong?"
"Aren't you going to arrest me?"
"On what grounds would I be arresting you?"
"Being drunk in public."
"Well, are you being disorderly?"
"Umm, I don't think so..."
"Neither do I, and the charge here is 'drunk and disorderly.'"
"Yeah, though it sounds like you're kind of close knocking the bails off that wicket.  Obviously you're here because you're just a five minute walk from sleeping this off in your own bed, so I suggest you stick to your plan."
"Alright then"  *stumbles towards elevators that would take him up to the concourse to the dorms*
"Better luck next week on not striking out Friday night, eh?"
He responds by giving me the finger and stepping into the elevator as I have a chuckle and return to OMGfarkINGKILLME boredom.
2013-03-15 11:38:01 PM  

DarkSoulNoHope: Bathia_Mapes: [ image 600x476]

"I was drunk in a bar, they THREW ME into PUBLICK! I don't want to be drunk in public, I want to be drunk in a bar, which is perfectly legal. Arrest them!"

/glad I wasn't the only one who thought of it :)
//I enjoy Ron White
///He's the only non-Redneck (fake characters included) on the Blue Collar Comedy Tour

Borderline case.  You can take the redneck out of the trailer, but...
2013-03-15 11:40:48 PM  

davidphogan: fzumrk: Step 1:  Do what you normally do on a Tuesday night.
Step 2:  Go out in public instead of posting on fark.

I'm posting this from a sidewalk outside a bar. What does that mean?

You're in Portland, Oregon participating in the only thing there is to do in Portland, Oregon.

/Seriously, guys, find a new passtime that doesn't involve getting farked up 24/7.
//and that's coming from someone who spent about 2 years and countless dollars crunk.
///Because that's seriously the only farking thing to do in Portland.
2013-03-15 11:51:24 PM  

MrEricSir: There's only two steps:

1. Move somewhere that it's legal to get shiatfaced in public, for example Japan.
2. Drink. Heavily.

Japan sounds like a good idea until you realize it's still a third world country outside the big cities.  Unless you're the kind of person who doesn't mind living in a house that is minimally insulated and doesn't especially protect against wind, with no central heat.  In which, yeah, you go have fun with a long Japanese winter with the wind howling through your house, spiriting away almost all the heat from your kerosene burner into the dark of night.
Displayed 9 of 59 comments

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter

Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.

In Other Media
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.