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(Slate)   A complete step-by-step guide on how to get drunk in public   (slate.com) divider line 59
    More: PSA, police superintendent, broken windows, urination, Chicagoans, public parks  
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7338 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Mar 2013 at 8:14 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-12 08:01:42 PM
That's not a step-by-step guide, it's a list of very obvious ideas. Furthermore, they're ideas for amateur hour. Want to drink in public? Here's your two steps:

1) Buy a hip flask. Be sure it's one where the cap stays attached when you unscrew it.
2) Fill it with alcohol. We could get into a discussion about what should go in it, but let's just go ahead and keep this at in introductory level.
3) Sip when appropriate.

Can't handle those three steps? Stick to soda.
 
2013-03-12 08:17:12 PM
1.  Open beer
2.  Drink beer
3.  Repeat until drunk
 
2013-03-12 08:18:29 PM
www.dispatch.com
 
2013-03-12 08:19:22 PM
I long ago discovered how to get drunk in public. Unfortunately, I developed a severe allergic reaction that caused me to break out in handcuffs.
 
2013-03-12 08:20:08 PM
Smeggy Smurf
1.  Open beer
2.  Drink beer
3.  Repeat until drunk

You forgot:
0. Stand in public.

 
2013-03-12 08:22:32 PM
geiri3d.klaki.net
author.
/dnrta
 
2013-03-12 08:23:14 PM
Starbucks' "Trenta" size holds an entire bottle of wine, FYI.
 
2013-03-12 08:23:29 PM
lokwi.com
 
2013-03-12 08:24:08 PM
i.imgur.com
 
2013-03-12 08:24:46 PM

aremmes: Smeggy Smurf
1.  Open beer
2.  Drink beer
3.  Repeat until drunk

You forgot:
0. Stand in public.


I just assume that lumbering into a public space would happen eventually.

Forbidding the possibility of blackout drunkenness, of course.
 
2013-03-12 08:26:17 PM
Pour your drink into a different container.

I've done this quite a bit. Pour some vodka into a half-empty plastic coke bottle. Done.
 
2013-03-12 08:26:40 PM

aremmes: Smeggy Smurf
1.  Open beer
2.  Drink beer
3.  Repeat until drunk
You forgot:
0. Stand in public.


You forgot:

0.0. Either go to a country whose beer isn't watered-down horse urine, or replace "beer" below with "vodka".
 
2013-03-12 08:27:33 PM
Can someone remind me what a "pub" is?  Thanks.
 
2013-03-12 08:28:15 PM

Elegy:


That GIF would have been very useful in yesterday's Wayne LaPierre survivalist manual thread.
 
2013-03-12 08:28:53 PM
25.media.tumblr.com

Put your wine in a Diet Coke can.
 
2013-03-12 08:32:48 PM
1. Go to Foxfield
 
2013-03-12 08:38:14 PM
A can of Arizona tea also holds an entire bottle of wine. I thought this article would tell me something I didn't already know.
 
2013-03-12 08:39:51 PM
As late as 2006 you could drink in Penn station and on the LIRR as long as your beer was in a paper bag. I never understood what the bag did? It was obvious you were drinking beer. Who the fark would drink soda out of a bagged can? There was a nypd substation in there near where the schedule board was and across from one of the delis. Go buy a beer and bag it and stand in front of the station drinking beer. God forbid if you took it out of the bag though.
 
2013-03-12 08:44:13 PM

Bathysphere: A can of Arizona tea also holds an entire bottle of wine. I thought this article would tell me something I didn't already know.


A can?  Damn.  I know one way or the other that the brown bottles of Green Tea are ideal for this purpose.

Either way, nothing here that the vast (VAST) majority of Farkers and/or high school students don't already know.
 
2013-03-12 08:44:20 PM

Igor Jakovsky: As late as 2006 you could drink in Penn station and on the LIRR as long as your beer was in a paper bag. I never understood what the bag did? It was obvious you were drinking beer. Who the fark would drink soda out of a bagged can? There was a nypd substation in there near where the schedule board was and across from one of the delis. Go buy a beer and bag it and stand in front of the station drinking beer. God forbid if you took it out of the bag though.


Here in Georgia if you buy a 6er of cans of beer it has to be bagged.  If you buy bottles, in the cardboard caddy with beer logos all over it the beer does not need to be bagged.

Somehow this is considered to protect children from knowing people are buying beer?  I don't really get it either.
 
2013-03-12 08:45:08 PM

Suckmaster Burstingfoam: aremmes: Smeggy Smurf
1.  Open beer
2.  Drink beer
3.  Repeat until drunk
You forgot:
0. Stand in public.

You forgot:

0.0. Either go to a country whose beer isn't watered-down horse urine, or replace "beer" below with "vodka".


you know you don't HAVE to buy budweiser....there are dozens, if not hundreds of other choices for you.  Interesting, there is a recent phenonena sweeping the states, it's called "Craft Beer"....you should look it up, woud probably be very instructional for you
 
2013-03-12 08:46:24 PM

Bathia_Mapes: [www.dispatch.com image 600x476]


"Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! I was drunk in a bar! They, threw me into public-KA! I don't want to be drunk in public-KA! I wanna be drunk in a bar, which is perfectly legal! Arrest them!"

A Classic among classics
 
2013-03-12 08:47:12 PM
Step 1:  Do what you normally do on a Tuesday night.
Step 2:  Go out in public instead of posting on fark.
 
2013-03-12 08:47:21 PM
In undergrad, one friend would fill a water bottle with vodak to carry around in public.  Often, he'd tape the bottle to his hand so he wouldn't lose it.

Never got picked up by campus security, either.
 
2013-03-12 08:51:23 PM

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: aremmes: Smeggy Smurf
1.  Open beer
2.  Drink beer
3.  Repeat until drunk

You forgot:
0. Stand in public.

I just assume that lumbering into a public space would happen eventually.

Forbidding the possibility of blackout drunkenness, of course.


It is never in my best interests to leave such important details in the realm of uncertainty. Besides, any person who manages to find a route towards the purview of passers by has not yet partaken in inebriating beverages in appropriate quantities.
 
2013-03-12 08:54:32 PM

ten foiled hats: Bathysphere: A can of Arizona tea also holds an entire bottle of wine. I thought this article would tell me something I didn't already know.

A can?  Damn.  I know one way or the other that the brown bottles of Green Tea are ideal for this purpose.

Either way, nothing here that the vast (VAST) majority of Farkers and/or high school students don't already know.


Hey, we were all 13 once.
 
2013-03-12 08:56:07 PM

aremmes: It is never in my best interests to leave such important details in the realm of uncertainty.


And we certainly appreciate that.


aremmes: Besides, any person who manages to find a route towards the purview of passers by has not yet partaken in inebriating beverages in appropriate quantities.


And that person would have to be a subpar competitor in the high-stakes world of Edward Fortyhands.
 
2013-03-12 08:56:50 PM

Bathia_Mapes: [www.dispatch.com image 600x476]


"I was drunk in a bar, they THREW ME into PUBLICK! I don't want to be drunk in public, I want to be drunk in a bar, which is perfectly legal. Arrest them!"

/glad I wasn't the only one who thought of it :)
//I enjoy Ron White
///He's the only non-Redneck (fake characters included) on the Blue Collar Comedy Tour
 
2013-03-12 09:03:28 PM
Go to Vegas.
 
2013-03-12 09:03:57 PM

johnny_vegas: Suckmaster Burstingfoam: aremmes: Smeggy Smurf
1.  Open beer
2.  Drink beer
3.  Repeat until drunk
You forgot:
0. Stand in public.

You forgot:

0.0. Either go to a country whose beer isn't watered-down horse urine, or replace "beer" below with "vodka".

you know you don't HAVE to buy budweiser....there are dozens, if not hundreds of other choices for you.  Interesting, there is a recent phenonena sweeping the states, it's called "Craft Beer"....you should look it up, woud probably be very instructional for you


Not American, have real beer here, thanks though for your concern.
 
2013-03-12 09:05:53 PM

Fano: ten foiled hats: Bathysphere: A can of Arizona tea also holds an entire bottle of wine. I thought this article would tell me something I didn't already know.

A can?  Damn.  I know one way or the other that the brown bottles of Green Tea are ideal for this purpose.

Either way, nothing here that the vast (VAST) majority of Farkers and/or high school students don't already know.

Hey, we were all 13 once.


Oh, I'm not knocking it.  In fact, I'd say a lot of us in this thread put that knowledge to use to this day, myself included.  (It's not exactly re-inventing the wheel.)
 
2013-03-12 09:06:30 PM

fzumrk: Step 1:  Do what you normally do on a Tuesday night.
Step 2:  Go out in public instead of posting on fark.


I'm posting this from a sidewalk outside a bar. What does that mean?
 
2013-03-12 09:08:12 PM
Why do you think baby carriages have beer holders?
 
2013-03-12 09:08:28 PM

Suckmaster Burstingfoam: aremmes: Smeggy Smurf
1.  Open beer
2.  Drink beer
3.  Repeat until drunk
You forgot:
0. Stand in public.

You forgot:

0.0. Either go to a country whose beer isn't watered-down horse urine, or replace "beer" below with "vodka".


We gonna turn this into a beer snob thread? You can get PLENTY of amazing beers in America. We sell more than bud light, you know.
 
2013-03-12 09:08:55 PM
High school: where I learned that a bottle opener, while convenient, is not necessary to open a non-twist-off-capped bottle of beer.  The more you know, etc.
 
2013-03-12 09:09:22 PM
I don't get the point of getting drunk in public (as in the street).  Are people so hard up they can't afford a beer at the local pub?

I went to Chicago several years ago and a buddy showed me that we could drink beers on the "El"  "L" so long as its wrapped in a paper bag.  I thought that was a bit g-h-e-t-t-o.

Being publicly drunk is a different thing.  That I've done.  Plenty.
 
2013-03-12 09:11:04 PM

Rozinante: Why do you think baby carriages have beer holders?


Um, those are beer carriages with baby holders.  Just a little FYI.
 
2013-03-12 09:15:08 PM

Suckmaster Burstingfoam: johnny_vegas: Suckmaster Burstingfoam: aremmes: Smeggy Smurf
1.  Open beer
2.  Drink beer
3.  Repeat until drunk
You forgot:
0. Stand in public.

You forgot:

0.0. Either go to a country whose beer isn't watered-down horse urine, or replace "beer" below with "vodka".

you know you don't HAVE to buy budweiser....there are dozens, if not hundreds of other choices for you.  Interesting, there is a recent phenonena sweeping the states, it's called "Craft Beer"....you should look it up, woud probably be very instructional for you

Not American, have real beer here, thanks though for your concern.


Thanks for yours. We will just take our pistols and our weed and our shiatty craft beers and the women from your country that we bought over the internet and try to forget about how much we suck.
 
2013-03-12 09:16:48 PM

ten foiled hats: Rozinante: Why do you think baby carriages have beer holders?

Um, those are beer carriages with baby holders.  Just a little FYI.


I love you.
 
2013-03-12 09:20:03 PM

Suckmaster Burstingfoam: johnny_vegas: Suckmaster Burstingfoam: aremmes: Smeggy Smurf
1.  Open beer
2.  Drink beer
3.  Repeat until drunk
You forgot:
0. Stand in public.

You forgot:

0.0. Either go to a country whose beer isn't watered-down horse urine, or replace "beer" below with "vodka".

you know you don't HAVE to buy budweiser....there are dozens, if not hundreds of other choices for you.  Interesting, there is a recent phenonena sweeping the states, it's called "Craft Beer"....you should look it up, woud probably be very instructional for you

Not American, have real beer here, thanks though for your concern.


So, you're trolling?
 
2013-03-12 09:31:52 PM

kiwimoogle84: ten foiled hats: Rozinante: Why do you think baby carriages have beer holders?

Um, those are beer carriages with baby holders.  Just a little FYI.

I love you.


*raises carriage in your direction*
 
2013-03-12 10:03:24 PM

Igor Jakovsky: As late as 2006 you could drink in Penn station and on the LIRR as long as your beer was in a paper bag. I never understood what the bag did? It was obvious you were drinking beer. Who the fark would drink soda out of a bagged can? There was a nypd substation in there near where the schedule board was and across from one of the delis. Go buy a beer and bag it and stand in front of the station drinking beer. God forbid if you took it out of the bag though.


Penn is not technically NYC property as the subway stations are, really, so yeah, its legal to drink there. Its even legal on the LIRR, and they even had Bar Cars back in the day. Now its BYOB.
 
2013-03-12 10:12:53 PM
I was looking for something that was going to help me more at my last corporate Christmas party.  I did alright, I just wanted to accomplish more ... drinking.
 
2013-03-12 10:29:26 PM

Igor Jakovsky: As late as 2006 you could drink in Penn station and on the LIRR as long as your beer was in a paper bag. I never understood what the bag did? It was obvious you were drinking beer. Who the fark would drink soda out of a bagged can? There was a nypd substation in there near where the schedule board was and across from one of the delis. Go buy a beer and bag it and stand in front of the station drinking beer. God forbid if you took it out of the bag though.


Yes.Back in the 80's growing up in New York.I was 16,maybe 17 years old.I was drinking a beer,the Police Officer looks at me and yells"you see that bag cover it up".So I go running for the bag and almost get run over.horns honking.pissed off cab drivers..And the most frustrated Cop I have ever seen.

/It was worth it though.
 
2013-03-12 10:38:36 PM
I use a ninja turtles water bottle.  I am a cute little girl so nobody suspects me :D
 
2013-03-12 11:16:18 PM
i35.photobucket.com
It aint rocket surgery.
 
2013-03-12 11:18:09 PM
www.photo-dictionary.com  +  i.imgur.com
 
2013-03-12 11:27:02 PM
For those all day drinking events.

www.code3tactical.com
 
2013-03-12 11:49:09 PM
There's only two steps:

1. Move somewhere that it's legal to get shiatfaced in public, for example Japan.
2. Drink. Heavily.
 
2013-03-13 12:25:09 AM

Suckmaster Burstingfoam: johnny_vegas: Suckmaster Burstingfoam: aremmes: Smeggy Smurf
1.  Open beer
2.  Drink beer
3.  Repeat until drunk
You forgot:
0. Stand in public.

You forgot:

0.0. Either go to a country whose beer isn't watered-down horse urine, or replace "beer" below with "vodka".

you know you don't HAVE to buy budweiser....there are dozens, if not hundreds of other choices for you.  Interesting, there is a recent phenonena sweeping the states, it's called "Craft Beer"....you should look it up, woud probably be very instructional for you

Not American, have real beer here, thanks though for your concern.


i could tell by the fact you don't know shiat.  Please don't confuse my mocking your lack of knowledge for concern.
 
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