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(CNN)   Black smoke. Thanks Obama   (cnn.com) divider line 145
    More: Obvious, College of Cardinals, Sistine Chapel  
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9468 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Mar 2013 at 7:36 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-12 08:55:57 PM
Donald Trump is demanding to see the smoke's birth certificate.
 
2013-03-12 08:56:41 PM
Did they purchase offsetting carbon credits?
 
2013-03-12 09:00:30 PM

grokca: Maybe they finally picked a black guy.


I can't wait for all the blacks to start rioting in the streets, burning down their neighborhoods, and smashing the heads of white tanker truck drivers open with fire extinguishers at the obvious racist act of announcing a new black pope with white smoke.  Because honkey!
 
2013-03-12 09:02:05 PM
lh5.googleusercontent.com
 
2013-03-12 09:02:10 PM

TheOther: BlackArt: If they have purple smoke Prince becomes Pope.

Then he serves everyone Communion pancakes.


Game. Choir robes.
 
2013-03-12 09:03:27 PM

BKITU: Christoph Schönborn

Book it. Done.


Him or O'Malley would suggest the church at least is starting to take the sex abuse scandal seriously.
 
2013-03-12 09:05:09 PM

Ambivalence: Snarfangel: Everyone keeps assuming that black smoke means no Pope has been elected. What if the cardinals accidentally created an anti-Pope.

Isn't there already an anti-pope? I want to say the head of the Eastern Orthodox Church but I don't want to offend if I'm wrong. (And I don't care enough to google it).


Not in the sense that's usually meant re "antipope" (which actually involved dueling conclaves in some cases, both claiming to be the head of the Catholic church)--the Eastern Orthodox churches have the church patriarchs, but none of them are claiming to be pontiff (seeing as they had their big divorce from Catholicism back in 1054 CE).   Pretty much the Orthodox churches were the first major "forking" of the Christian church that managed to succeed--we didn't get another successful "fork" until Martin Luther and Henry VIII.)

The antipopes were a bit different--imagine you have two governments, BOTH claiming to be the legitimate government of Catholicism (one being the official "Roman candidate", the other usually elected by a "Conclave in exile" of sorts), and it doesn't hurt that you tended to have lots of major powers in Europe at the time pushing for their particular Pope-claimant and supporting either the "official" pope or the "Conclave-in-exile" antipope.  (Interestingly, a lot of the antipopes predating the Great Schism of 1054 tended to have been "papal appointments" by the Byzantine Empire or the Roman Empire, so that split was probably a good long time coming.)

There's no "opposition popes" that have enough of a pull nowadays to be considered a legitimate antipope--yes, you do have schismatic "Old Order Catholic" type groups who feel Vatican II (and in some cases, Vatican I back from 1868) were hellspawned concentrated evil and that every single person who's held the office of "pope" is in fact an antipope (and that their head bishop is properly the "Papal claimant" of a remainder "True Catholic" church) but they certainly don't have heads of state supporting them--hell, probably the most famous person supporting those types is Mel Gibson and pretty much his career got cratered when it came out just how racist and anti-Semitic the "Traditional Catholic" schismatic group he's in with actually was.
 
2013-03-12 09:05:22 PM

fusillade762: No pope, sequester AND we're at war with North Korea again! Cats and dogs, living together!!!


We were always at war with North Korea.
 
2013-03-12 09:05:25 PM

OtherLittleGuy: [farm7.staticflickr.com image 640x443]


Ats'a bigga Popa!
 
2013-03-12 09:08:36 PM
This is Fartbama's plan to make Amerika Communist and war on Christmas!
 
2013-03-12 09:34:51 PM

digitalrain: [lh5.googleusercontent.com image 270x466]


That is wonderful.


/Loves me some Dante's Peak
 
2013-03-12 09:43:23 PM

The Incredible Sexual Egg: digitalrain: [lh5.googleusercontent.com image 270x466]

That is wonderful.


/Loves me some Dante's Peak


Me too. Glad you enjoyed it :)
 
2013-03-12 09:46:09 PM

over_and_done: xria: RminusQ: I am highly curious as to what would happen if they picked a non-Cardinal. How would they get the word out to that guy that he needs to get to Rome triple-quick? Would they put out white smoke, and then a guy saying "Please hold for our pope who is arriving on the red-eye and we hope he says yes"? What would be the reaction of the bishop who got that phone call? "Yeah farking right I'm the new pope." [click]

I know it hasn't happened in like 700 years but NEITHER HAS A POPE RESIGNING.

You have to assume most of the cardinals want a chance to be pope, after all they have politicked their way fairly high up the ranks to get where they are, so the honest/generous/charitable/helpful/etc. ones will mostly be gone that far up the hierarchy. So it is unlikely they are going to elect a relatively young cardinal, let alone expand the pool of potential popes outside their group. Plus the entire process is designed to get a "safe" choice - there are unlimited rounds of voting and the winner needs to get over 2/3rds of all the votes, so outsiders and freak winners are not really possible.

Heh, well, you never know.


Added to Nextflix instant queue. Thanks.
 
2013-03-12 09:49:05 PM
img.photobucket.com
 
2013-03-12 09:53:18 PM
I know it's a long shot, but I've put my money down on Don Most.

Don Most for Pope.
 
2013-03-12 09:56:38 PM

Hector Remarkable: I know it's a long shot, but I've put my money down on Don Most.

Don Most for Pope.


Potsy for Pope.
 
2013-03-12 10:15:24 PM

fusillade762: No pope, sequester AND we're at war with North Korea again! Cats and dogs, living together!!!


Why not make Kim Jong-Un the new pope?  I mean, we've done worse before.
 
2013-03-12 10:16:59 PM

digitalrain: Hector Remarkable: I know it's a long shot, but I've put my money down on Don Most.

Don Most for Pope.

Potsy for Pope.


Really? i don't know. Which of these men would YOU choose for Pope?
(difficulty: no reverse mortgages)
i.imgur.com
 
2013-03-12 10:17:17 PM

Candygram4Mongo: Added to Nextflix instant queue


Whoops. Make that Netflix instant queue.

Made me curious, though, where www.nextflix.com goes. Turns out... goes to Netflix.

So there ya go.
 
2013-03-12 10:19:29 PM

Candygram4Mongo: Candygram4Mongo: Added to Nextflix instant queue

Whoops. Make that Netflix instant queue.

Made me curious, though, where www.nextflix.com goes. Turns out... goes to Netflix.

So there ya go.


Well, tried it again, now it goes somewhere else.

Could be worse. I could be in charge of choosing a pope. We'd end up with Pope GoDaddy XIII or something...
 
2013-03-12 10:28:06 PM

LeafyGreens: Can I post a bunch in this thread about how I'm an atheist and don't believe in your invisible sky friends?

Because I'm really sick of that shiat.

/don't care what you believe in, just don't sound like a sophomore philosophy student


How interesting, yet predictable, that you are the only person to say anything about being an atheist in the thread,
Whining is a religion.
 
2013-03-12 10:29:43 PM

HeartBurnKid: Ambivalence: Snarfangel: Everyone keeps assuming that black smoke means no Pope has been elected. What if the cardinals accidentally created an anti-Pope.

Isn't there already an anti-pope? I want to say the head of the Eastern Orthodox Church but I don't want to offend if I'm wrong. (And I don't care enough to google it).

There is, indeed, an anti-Pope.


www.startrek.com
What an anti-pope might look like.
 
2013-03-12 10:43:50 PM

BKITU: threadjackistan: Ambivalence: Snarfangel: Everyone keeps assuming that black smoke means no Pope has been elected. What if the cardinals accidentally created an anti-Pope.

Isn't there already an anti-pope? I want to say the head of the Eastern Orthodox Church but I don't want to offend if I'm wrong. (And I don't care enough to google it).

To be anti-pope, technically you have to have a significantly recognized claim to be the bishop of Rome. That eastern orthodox pope doesn't qualify on that basis.

Also, if an antipope make contact with the recognized pope, they mutually annihilate into pure energy.



I wanna know what you're thinking.  There are some things you can't hide.
 
2013-03-12 10:45:02 PM
Maybe they'll elect Joseph Ratzinger for a second term?

Now that would be a first.
 
2013-03-12 10:46:44 PM

ciberido: Also, if an antipope make contact with the recognized pope, they mutually annihilate into pure energy.


Sort of "Don't cross the Popes crosses"
 
2013-03-12 10:46:58 PM

digitalrain: Hector Remarkable: I know it's a long shot, but I've put my money down on Don Most.

Don Most for Pope.

Potsy for Pope.


Sit on it, digitalrain.
 
2013-03-12 10:51:09 PM

jamspoon: Maybe they'll elect Joseph Ratzinger for a second term?

Now that would be a first.


No it wouldn't.

Remember that part above where I mentioned Benedict IX?

Yeah, he served as Pope for 3 non-consecutive terms.  Not only did he resign the Papacy. . .he was re-elected to it afterwards. . .twice!

Thus there's even historic precedent for a resigned (or deposed) Pope to retake the office.

However, since Benedict XVI made it clear he was leaving because he didn't feel fit anymore, presumably he wouldn't be chosen again, because he would not be expected to accept even if he was elected.
 
2013-03-12 10:54:54 PM
In honor of the Conclave, I'm going to have a Father Ted marathon.

i.imgur.com
 
2013-03-12 10:55:46 PM

ciberido: digitalrain: Hector Remarkable: I know it's a long shot, but I've put my money down on Don Most.

Don Most for Pope.

Potsy for Pope.

Sit on it, digitalrain.


Yeah? Well...up your nose with a rubber hose!
 
2013-03-12 10:59:28 PM
ct.fra.bz
 
2013-03-12 11:08:44 PM

ciberido: What an anti-pope might look like.


What being anti-pope might sound like:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1G1y7_r8bE
 
2013-03-12 11:15:51 PM
If you see blue smoke they're making ribs - Letterman.
 
2013-03-12 11:16:59 PM
FUBO
 
2013-03-12 11:18:52 PM

jamspoon: Maybe they'll elect Joseph Ratzinger for a second term?


Cliff Claven for Pope? He told me the next Pope was Yelnik McWawa.
 
2013-03-12 11:39:50 PM
If its blue smoke, it's racks of ribs in the smoker. Kosher if course.
 
2013-03-13 12:06:25 AM
Good. I hope the smoke never goes back.
 
2013-03-13 12:09:45 AM
I'm farking tired of this shiat. All I've heard about for days now is about this pope election. You'd think goddamn Princess Di came back, or we were landing men on Mars. Hurry the fark up and get it over with.
 
2013-03-13 12:15:20 AM

Silverstaff: Perducci: You'd think that the old pope would just have a quick chat with god before he quit and be able to cut out a lot of this nonsense.  "Yeah, god says that.... ~this~ guy is the new pope.  Congrats"

They used to let Popes do that. . .then Pope Benedict IX farked it up by pretty much selling the Papacy to a relative (also the first Pope to ever resign, and the only Pope to serve 3 separate terms in office, and having been elected  at age 20 quite possibly the youngest Pope, he only got the job because he was a young nobleman of a politically powerful family that wanted him on the throne as a political move), he was openly homosexual and held gay orgies in the Lateran Palace.  Due to widespread and overwhelming disgust with him, he resigned a third time and his family paid him off to let them place a more respectable man as the Pope after he left, who was Gregory VI in 1045.

After being deposed for the last time, he was excommunicated for selling church offices (such as his own Papacy) and died in obscurity.

The current system is there to make sure that nobody tampers with the system like that.

Then again, until 769 A.D. the laity of the Diocese of Rome had the right to refuse to acknowledge the new Pope, essentially giving the common people of Rome a collective veto on the process.  They got rid of that one.  It wasn't until 1059 when the current system of Cardinals was created, giving a group of senior Bishops (well technically senior clergy, there were a handful of Cardinal Priests, but that's pretty much not allowed anymore) the ability to collectively decide.

Before 1059, there were a variety of ways of selecting popes, but it was usually by decree of whatever King or Emperor had conquered Rome at the time.  In antiquity, before it became the state church of Rome, the Bishop of Rome was decided by a consensus of the clergy and laity discussing it together.


Well, technically speaking most Cardinals are Cardinal Priests -- they're bishops who are not bishops of a few special dioceses. Cardinal deacons are Cardinals who are priests but not bishops, but you're right that they're mostly out of the decision process now, as they usually get elevated after they turn eighty as a honorary thing (Avery Dulles was one of the better-known Cardinal Deacons). So basically, Cardinal Priests are bishops, and Cardinal Deacons are priests.

And for the rest of your post, you're right on; the history of the papacy is full of all kinds of insane shiat. All those articles about "The Church In Crisis" never seem to remember that there's a lot of church history that took place before Vatican II.
 
2013-03-13 01:18:05 AM
This is why we need to get God back in the Vatican.
 
2013-03-13 01:26:14 AM

phrawgh: This is why we need to get God back in the Vatican.


We can ill afford another Klendathu.
 
2013-03-13 04:46:32 AM
Observe! Smoke from chimney not white, but red!
They say it was the day that God bled.
Nuns weeped, holy men cursed
As they looked out upon the balcony and saw
Beelzebub the First!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGBHfXPqbgI
 
2013-03-13 05:13:55 AM
God says there can be only one pope. Why is the other one still alive?
 
2013-03-13 10:43:32 AM

StoPPeRmobile: God says there can be only one pope. Why is the other one still alive?


So you're saying that the cardinals should fight to the death and the survivor should cut the head off the last pope in order to ascend to the Quickening?
 
2013-03-13 12:20:59 PM
I'm wondering if the Jesus will still talk to the old pope as well as the new pope. If not, when does cut off begin?
 
2013-03-13 12:28:09 PM

I read fark for the pics: I'm wondering if the Jesus will still talk to the old pope as well as the new pope. If not, when does cut off begin?


"Look, Benedict, it's time I started seeing other Popes. No, no, it's not you, it's me. We had a fun eight years together, but I need my freedom."
 
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