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(CNN)   Black smoke. Thanks Obama   (cnn.com) divider line 145
    More: Obvious, College of Cardinals, Sistine Chapel  
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9470 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Mar 2013 at 7:36 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-12 07:51:32 PM

HalfOffOffer: Can't they spare us all the drama of using black and white smoke and just tweet it out when they've picked someone?  Sheesh.


Ask you shall receive.
 
2013-03-12 07:52:12 PM
NIce to see the Smoke Monster from L O S T getting some work these days.

/the Lensflare Conclave
 
2013-03-12 07:53:14 PM

gingerjet: LineNoise: Wow, they weren't messing around with that smoke.

I wouldn't be surprised if they don't hear anything from the conclave for a few days, only to open the doors and find them all dead of carbon monoxide poisoning.

Its almost happened a number of times.  Imagine having to create a system that a bunch of really old guys must be able to activate without being able to ask for help?  And then its used once every decade or two.


I'm an atheist, but this result would almost be enough to turn me into a believer
 
2013-03-12 07:53:41 PM
1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-03-12 07:54:20 PM
Christoph Schönborn

Book it. Done.
 
2013-03-12 07:54:38 PM

Ambivalence: Snarfangel: Everyone keeps assuming that black smoke means no Pope has been elected. What if the cardinals accidentally created an anti-Pope.

Isn't there already an anti-pope? I want to say the head of the Eastern Orthodox Church but I don't want to offend if I'm wrong. (And I don't care enough to google it).


There is, indeed, an anti-Pope.
 
2013-03-12 07:55:02 PM
i61.photobucket.com
 
2013-03-12 07:55:08 PM
img543.imageshack.us

Joel: "The new pope has not been chosen."
 
2013-03-12 07:55:25 PM
Why doesn't God just tell them all who to vote for the first time?  I mean, they do have a direct connection to God that the layperson doesn't right?
 
2013-03-12 07:55:28 PM

Ambivalence: Snarfangel: Everyone keeps assuming that black smoke means no Pope has been elected. What if the cardinals accidentally created an anti-Pope.

Isn't there already an anti-pope? I want to say the head of the Eastern Orthodox Church but I don't want to offend if I'm wrong. (And I don't care enough to google it).


To be anti-pope, technically you have to have a significantly recognized claim to be the bishop of Rome. That eastern orthodox pope doesn't qualify on that basis.
 
2013-03-12 07:56:09 PM
If they have purple smoke Prince becomes Pope.
 
2013-03-12 07:56:33 PM
We can speed this up, tell them there're 72 virgin altar boys waiting for each of them as soon as they select the capofamiglia.
 
2013-03-12 07:57:28 PM
I think I know a couple of catholics. They probably give a sheet about this. Maybe.
 
2013-03-12 07:57:28 PM

gingerjet: Actually it isn't. They've tried flares a couple of times with mixed results. This time around I read they are using chemicals to produce the right effect.


That was on the news..last night, I think Diane Sawyer/ABC.
 
2013-03-12 07:57:39 PM

Ambivalence: Snarfangel: Everyone keeps assuming that black smoke means no Pope has been elected. What if the cardinals accidentally created an anti-Pope.

Isn't there already an anti-pope? I want to say the head of the Eastern Orthodox Church but I don't want to offend if I'm wrong. (And I don't care enough to google it).


Nope.

Generally, the anti-popes are leaders of splinter Catholic sects. There are a few guys in the US who claim the Bishopric of Rome, actually.
 
2013-03-12 07:57:55 PM
HalfOffOffer
Can't they spare us all the drama of using black and white smoke and just tweet it out when they've picked someone? Sheesh.


[obligatory]
"Okay pope's coming out!"
[/obligatory]
 
2013-03-12 07:57:59 PM

threadjackistan: Ambivalence: Snarfangel: Everyone keeps assuming that black smoke means no Pope has been elected. What if the cardinals accidentally created an anti-Pope.

Isn't there already an anti-pope? I want to say the head of the Eastern Orthodox Church but I don't want to offend if I'm wrong. (And I don't care enough to google it).

To be anti-pope, technically you have to have a significantly recognized claim to be the bishop of Rome. That eastern orthodox pope doesn't qualify on that basis.


Also, if an antipope make contact with the recognized pope, they mutually annihilate into pure energy.
 
2013-03-12 07:58:27 PM

BlackArt: If they have purple smoke Prince becomes Pope.


Then he serves everyone Communion pancakes.
 
2013-03-12 07:59:00 PM

YouPeopleAreCrazy: gingerjet: Actually it isn't. They've tried flares a couple of times with mixed results. This time around I read they are using chemicals to produce the right effect.

That was on the news..last night, I think Diane Sawyer/ABC.


Wait.  Broadcast TV news still exists?
 
2013-03-12 08:00:19 PM

ontariolightning: Black smoke and no Lost references? Have you all FORGOTTEN?!


After the bullshiat way it ended, Lost is dead to me.
 
2013-03-12 08:00:21 PM

gingerjet: Wait. Broadcast TV news still exists?


Yes, but it deals exclusively with Kardashian updates.
 
2013-03-12 08:00:24 PM
starsmedia.ign.com
 
2013-03-12 08:03:16 PM
So six more weeks of winter?

That sucks.
 
2013-03-12 08:03:29 PM

LineNoise: Wow, they weren't messing around with that smoke.

I wouldn't be surprised if they don't hear anything from the conclave for a few days, only to open the doors and find them all dead of carbon monoxide poisoning.


Let God sort 'em out!
 
2013-03-12 08:05:39 PM
If they want to elect the right guy, why don't they pray to the Jesus to get a unanimous decision by all cardinals?

I'd think that the idea is that God would pick his own mouthpiece. I'd be a shame if the cardinals accidentally picked the wrong guy, like someone who likes dicking kids and sullies God's reputation...
 
2013-03-12 08:07:44 PM

Bathia_Mapes: KarmicDisaster: What did they burn to get the smoke that Black, some politician souls?


Straw is burned along with the ballots for the black smoke.


4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-03-12 08:08:10 PM
img593.imageshack.us
/it's funny cuz it's true
 
2013-03-12 08:08:34 PM

LineNoise: Wow, they weren't messing around with that smoke.

I wouldn't be surprised if they don't hear anything from the conclave for a few days, only to open the doors and find them all dead of carbon monoxide poisoning.


Tha.
Would earn the coveted SPIFFY tag.
 
2013-03-12 08:09:28 PM
If the elected few of our political system took their jobs this seriously, I wonder if we would have so much trouble in our society?
 
2013-03-12 08:11:07 PM
You'd think that the old pope would just have a quick chat with god before he quit and be able to cut out a lot of this nonsense.  "Yeah, god says that.... ~this~ guy is the new pope.  Congrats"
 
2013-03-12 08:18:51 PM

TheOther: BlackArt: If they have purple smoke Prince becomes Pope.

Then he serves everyone Communion pancakes.


Papacy, blouses
 
2013-03-12 08:19:19 PM
Black smoke means your fuel mixture is too rich, trim it out a bit. White smoke means that coolant is getting into the combustion chamber and is a sign that you could have a blown head gasket.

Blue, or grey smoke is most likely bad rings
 
2013-03-12 08:21:09 PM

RminusQ: I am highly curious as to what would happen if they picked a non-Cardinal. How would they get the word out to that guy that he needs to get to Rome triple-quick? Would they put out white smoke, and then a guy saying "Please hold for our pope who is arriving on the red-eye and we hope he says yes"? What would be the reaction of the bishop who got that phone call? "Yeah farking right I'm the new pope." [click]

I know it hasn't happened in like 700 years but NEITHER HAS A POPE RESIGNING.


You have to assume most of the cardinals want a chance to be pope, after all they have politicked their way fairly high up the ranks to get where they are, so the honest/generous/charitable/helpful/etc. ones will mostly be gone that far up the hierarchy. So it is unlikely they are going to elect a relatively young cardinal, let alone expand the pool of potential popes outside their group. Plus the entire process is designed to get a "safe" choice - there are unlimited rounds of voting and the winner needs to get over 2/3rds of all the votes, so outsiders and freak winners are not really possible.
 
2013-03-12 08:23:11 PM

Cerebral Knievel: Black smoke means your fuel mixture is too rich, trim it out a bit. White smoke means that coolant is getting into the combustion chamber and is a sign that you could have a blown head gasket.

Blue, or grey smoke is most likely bad rings


This.
 
2013-03-12 08:26:18 PM
Others?
 
2013-03-12 08:31:29 PM
Oh heck, they've already picked the guy. Now they are just swapping kiddy porn. Once they have their collections all sorted out, they'll burn the duplicates, which creates the white sand smoke.

Why do you think they lock the doors?
 
2013-03-12 08:31:36 PM
It's a nice change from all the pole-smoking.
 
2013-03-12 08:32:02 PM
They do clean that thing, right?
 
2013-03-12 08:34:51 PM

KarmicDisaster: What did they burn to get the smoke that Black, some politician souls?


altar boys.
 
2013-03-12 08:38:41 PM
lol good headline
 
2013-03-12 08:39:26 PM

hughesrep: So six more weeks of winter?

That sucks.


Six more weeks of Lent
 
2013-03-12 08:40:58 PM

xria: RminusQ: I am highly curious as to what would happen if they picked a non-Cardinal. How would they get the word out to that guy that he needs to get to Rome triple-quick? Would they put out white smoke, and then a guy saying "Please hold for our pope who is arriving on the red-eye and we hope he says yes"? What would be the reaction of the bishop who got that phone call? "Yeah farking right I'm the new pope." [click]

I know it hasn't happened in like 700 years but NEITHER HAS A POPE RESIGNING.

You have to assume most of the cardinals want a chance to be pope, after all they have politicked their way fairly high up the ranks to get where they are, so the honest/generous/charitable/helpful/etc. ones will mostly be gone that far up the hierarchy. So it is unlikely they are going to elect a relatively young cardinal, let alone expand the pool of potential popes outside their group. Plus the entire process is designed to get a "safe" choice - there are unlimited rounds of voting and the winner needs to get over 2/3rds of all the votes, so outsiders and freak winners are not really possible.


Heh, well, you never know.
 
2013-03-12 08:41:30 PM
I know liters with no PS skills have no business complaining, but I was *really* hoping to come into this thread to see an image of the previous pope with cigarettes coming out of his ears: "RATZINGER - WTF IS THIS GUY'S PROBLEM?"

Alas...
 
2013-03-12 08:42:26 PM
I thought Barack quit smoking
 
2013-03-12 08:44:09 PM

Cerebral Knievel: Black smoke means your fuel mixture is too rich, trim it out a bit. White smoke means that coolant is getting into the combustion chamber and is a sign that you could have a blown head gasket.

Blue, or grey smoke is most likely bad rings



www.redicecreations.com

Those popes always have them some bad-assed rings
 
2013-03-12 08:44:12 PM

gingerjet: LineNoise: Wow, they weren't messing around with that smoke.

I wouldn't be surprised if they don't hear anything from the conclave for a few days, only to open the doors and find them all dead of carbon monoxide poisoning.

Its almost happened a number of times.  Imagine having to create a system that a bunch of really old guys must be able to activate without being able to ask for help?  And then its used once every decade or two.


I don't get why they don't just leave the stoves and chimneys in place.  I'd understand "rarely using them" or even just boarding them up during inclement weather, but to have to freaking install new ones only to go back and tear them out again?

Would leaving them around be considered disrespectful to the new guy?  Sort of a "yeah Jim, this one's not going to last, better just leave the ballot burners around" vibe?  That just smells like office politics.
 
2013-03-12 08:47:03 PM

Perducci: You'd think that the old pope would just have a quick chat with god before he quit and be able to cut out a lot of this nonsense.  "Yeah, god says that.... ~this~ guy is the new pope.  Congrats"


They used to let Popes do that. . .then Pope Benedict IX farked it up by pretty much selling the Papacy to a relative (also the first Pope to ever resign, and the only Pope to serve 3 separate terms in office, and having been elected  at age 20 quite possibly the youngest Pope, he only got the job because he was a young nobleman of a politically powerful family that wanted him on the throne as a political move), he was openly homosexual and held gay orgies in the Lateran Palace.  Due to widespread and overwhelming disgust with him, he resigned a third time and his family paid him off to let them place a more respectable man as the Pope after he left, who was Gregory VI in 1045.

After being deposed for the last time, he was excommunicated for selling church offices (such as his own Papacy) and died in obscurity.

The current system is there to make sure that nobody tampers with the system like that.

Then again, until 769 A.D. the laity of the Diocese of Rome had the right to refuse to acknowledge the new Pope, essentially giving the common people of Rome a collective veto on the process.  They got rid of that one.  It wasn't until 1059 when the current system of Cardinals was created, giving a group of senior Bishops (well technically senior clergy, there were a handful of Cardinal Priests, but that's pretty much not allowed anymore) the ability to collectively decide.

Before 1059, there were a variety of ways of selecting popes, but it was usually by decree of whatever King or Emperor had conquered Rome at the time.  In antiquity, before it became the state church of Rome, the Bishop of Rome was decided by a consensus of the clergy and laity discussing it together.
 
2013-03-12 08:48:26 PM
Obama gets too much credit, this is the gays fault.
 
2013-03-12 08:48:44 PM

fusillade762: No pope, sequester AND we're at war with North Korea again! Cats and dogs, living together!!!


...and the Captain is out on the wheelhouse floor!

/obscure?
 
2013-03-12 08:54:52 PM
I heard this gig was BYOB!

/bring your own boy
 
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