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(CNN)   Black smoke. Thanks Obama   (cnn.com) divider line 145
    More: Obvious, College of Cardinals, Sistine Chapel  
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9470 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Mar 2013 at 7:36 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-12 02:45:54 PM
Wow, they weren't messing around with that smoke.

I wouldn't be surprised if they don't hear anything from the conclave for a few days, only to open the doors and find them all dead of carbon monoxide poisoning.
 
2013-03-12 02:48:10 PM
i remember last time there was some ambiguity in that some of the first smoke came out kind of gray and everyone outside was all, "uh, what do we report?"

i guess they just wanted to make super sure everyone got the message.
 
2013-03-12 02:48:19 PM
LOL, this one!
 
2013-03-12 02:48:45 PM

LineNoise: Wow, they weren't messing around with that smoke.


IIRC, one of the times they burned the ballots before the last guy was elected the smoke started out as slightly white before they added the straw to turn the smoke black which led to a lot of confusion. Glad to see they're not messing around this time around.
 
2013-03-12 02:52:32 PM
t2.gstatic.com
 
2013-03-12 02:55:16 PM
This is the year 2013. Just put a neon sign on the roof. Or post online. "Your pope is important to us. Please continue to hold..."
 
2013-03-12 02:55:53 PM
farm9.staticflickr.com
 
2013-03-12 02:58:41 PM
What did they burn to get the smoke that Black, some politician souls?
 
2013-03-12 03:02:28 PM

KarmicDisaster: What did they burn to get the smoke that Black, some politician souls?


Probably whatever Silvio Burlesconi puts in his hair.
 
2013-03-12 03:08:53 PM

KarmicDisaster: What did they burn to get the smoke that Black, some politician souls?


The body of a previous pope.
 
2013-03-12 03:11:52 PM

Shakespeare's Monkey: [farm9.staticflickr.com image 500x388]


I love this so much
 
2013-03-12 03:12:54 PM

wxboy: KarmicDisaster: What did they burn to get the smoke that Black, some politician souls?

The body of a previous pope.


If the smoke is accompanied by pained screams, we'll know which previous Pope, too.
 
2013-03-12 03:13:11 PM
It's interesting that there are no Italian Jehovah's Witnesses.

But then again, Italians don't leave witnesses.
 
2013-03-12 03:13:16 PM

Candygram4Mongo: This is the year 2013. Just put a neon sign on the roof. Or post online. "Your pope is important to us. Please continue to hold..."


I just had a vision of a "Hot pontiffs now" sign in red flashing neon....
 
2013-03-12 03:15:41 PM

Nabb1: wxboy: KarmicDisaster: What did they burn to get the smoke that Black, some politician souls?

The body of a previous pope.

If the smoke is accompanied by pained screams, we'll know which previous Pope, too.


LOL
 
2013-03-12 03:16:28 PM

Nabb1: wxboy: KarmicDisaster: What did they burn to get the smoke that Black, some politician souls?

The body of a previous pope.

If the smoke is accompanied by pained screams, we'll know which previous Pope, too.


They also might be burning one of the Cardinals.  That way, eventually they'll either come to a consensus or keep burning Cardinals until they're down to one.
 
2013-03-12 03:27:36 PM
farm7.staticflickr.com
 
2013-03-12 03:30:01 PM

OtherLittleGuy: [farm7.staticflickr.com image 640x443]


Vatican City Legalizes Pot
 
2013-03-12 03:33:21 PM
They're going to need to smoke some more
 
2013-03-12 03:35:41 PM
I am highly curious as to what would happen if they picked a non-Cardinal. How would they get the word out to that guy that he needs to get to Rome triple-quick? Would they put out white smoke, and then a guy saying "Please hold for our pope who is arriving on the red-eye and we hope he says yes"? What would be the reaction of the bishop who got that phone call? "Yeah farking right I'm the new pope." [click]

I know it hasn't happened in like 700 years but NEITHER HAS A POPE RESIGNING.
 
2013-03-12 03:49:02 PM
So, I watched about 15 minutes of the Showtime show "The Borgias" before I thew the remote down in disgust, but I do kind of wish this conclave was like that first one. For the lulz
 
2013-03-12 03:59:44 PM
so first term - nobel prize, second term - papacy
 
2013-03-12 04:01:02 PM
i1156.photobucket.com
 
2013-03-12 04:51:38 PM

Mudgen: Candygram4Mongo: This is the year 2013. Just put a neon sign on the roof. Or post online. "Your pope is important to us. Please continue to hold..."

I just had a vision of a "Hot pontiffs now" sign in red flashing neon....


Dammit now I want donuts
 
2013-03-12 05:12:49 PM

CommieTaoist: [i1156.photobucket.com image 425x319]


Brilliant!

Torgo_of_Manos: Mudgen:  I just had a vision of a "Hot pontiffs now" sign in red flashing neon....

Dammit now I want donuts


See?  THANKS, OBAMA!
 
2013-03-12 05:21:10 PM

Mudgen: Brilliant!


Thanks, quickly sketched that out during a meeting.
 
2013-03-12 05:23:51 PM
Maybe they finally picked a black guy.
 
2013-03-12 06:28:34 PM
Everyone keeps assuming that black smoke means no Pope has been elected. What if the cardinals accidentally created an anti-Pope?
 
2013-03-12 06:30:07 PM

Snarfangel: Everyone keeps assuming that black smoke means no Pope has been elected. What if the cardinals accidentally created an anti-Pope?


They'd need to start having altar girls if they did that
 
2013-03-12 07:23:11 PM

Snarfangel: Everyone keeps assuming that black smoke means no Pope has been elected. What if the cardinals accidentally created an anti-Pope?


Yeah by accident
 
2013-03-12 07:39:18 PM

KarmicDisaster: What did they burn to get the smoke that Black, some politician souls?


Politicians do not have souls.
 
2013-03-12 07:41:02 PM
Green after all these hours?

POPE THREAD!!!1
 
2013-03-12 07:41:40 PM

CommieTaoist: LineNoise: Wow, they weren't messing around with that smoke.

IIRC, one of the times they burned the ballots before the last guy was elected the smoke started out as slightly white before they added the straw to turn the smoke black which led to a lot of confusion. Glad to see they're not messing around this time around.


This time it was grey for a few seconds at first.

LineNoise: Wow, they weren't messing around with that smoke.

I wouldn't be surprised if they don't hear anything from the conclave for a few days, only to open the doors and find them all dead of carbon monoxide poisoning.


Last time around, they caused smoke damage to the Sistine Chapel paintings on the last ballot.
 
2013-03-12 07:41:41 PM
Can I post a bunch in this thread about how I'm an atheist and don't believe in your invisible sky friends?

Because I'm really sick of that shiat.

/don't care what you believe in, just don't sound like a sophomore philosophy student
 
2013-03-12 07:42:28 PM
Dear Papal folks,

Please don't hire the American.

Thanks,
America.
 
2013-03-12 07:43:08 PM
I predict they will pick an old Catholic who will maintain centuries of ecclesiastical dogma.

Call me crazy.
 
2013-03-12 07:43:08 PM
Meanwhile inside the conclave.

"One last time people, we can't all vote for ourself."
 
2013-03-12 07:43:13 PM

KarmicDisaster: What did they burn to get the smoke that Black, some politician souls?



Straw is burned along with the ballots for the black smoke.
 
2013-03-12 07:46:42 PM

LineNoise: Wow, they weren't messing around with that smoke.

I wouldn't be surprised if they don't hear anything from the conclave for a few days, only to open the doors and find them all dead of carbon monoxide poisoning.


Its almost happened a number of times.  Imagine having to create a system that a bunch of really old guys must be able to activate without being able to ask for help?  And then its used once every decade or two.
 
2013-03-12 07:47:07 PM
I'm still rooting for the black guy. Heads will explode.
 
2013-03-12 07:47:12 PM
My money's on Turkson. He's not really familiar with the abuse scandal, though, so no idea how he'd handle that in the future.
 
2013-03-12 07:47:31 PM
No pope, sequester AND we're at war with North Korea again! Cats and dogs, living together!!!
 
2013-03-12 07:48:01 PM

fusillade762: No pope, sequester AND we're at war with North Korea again! Cats and dogs, living together!!!


And the world isn't imploding.
 
2013-03-12 07:48:06 PM

LeafyGreens: Can I post a bunch in this thread about how I'm an atheist and don't believe in your invisible sky friends?


As long as I get to believe in Penn but not Teller.
 
2013-03-12 07:48:30 PM
Can't they spare us all the drama of using black and white smoke and just tweet it out when they've picked someone?  Sheesh.
 
2013-03-12 07:48:53 PM

Bathia_Mapes: Straw is burned along with the ballots for the black smoke.


Actually it isn't.  They've tried flares a couple of times with mixed results.  This time around I read they are using chemicals to produce the right effect.
 
2013-03-12 07:49:10 PM
Valentine Pontifex of Majipoor.
 
2013-03-12 07:49:37 PM

Snarfangel: Everyone keeps assuming that black smoke means no Pope has been elected. What if the cardinals accidentally created an anti-Pope.


Isn't there already an anti-pope? I want to say the head of the Eastern Orthodox Church but I don't want to offend if I'm wrong. (And I don't care enough to google it).
 
2013-03-12 07:51:03 PM
So...pope is not coming out?
 
2013-03-12 07:51:23 PM
Black smoke and no Lost references? Have you all FORGOTTEN?!
 
2013-03-12 07:51:32 PM

HalfOffOffer: Can't they spare us all the drama of using black and white smoke and just tweet it out when they've picked someone?  Sheesh.


Ask you shall receive.
 
2013-03-12 07:52:12 PM
NIce to see the Smoke Monster from L O S T getting some work these days.

/the Lensflare Conclave
 
2013-03-12 07:53:14 PM

gingerjet: LineNoise: Wow, they weren't messing around with that smoke.

I wouldn't be surprised if they don't hear anything from the conclave for a few days, only to open the doors and find them all dead of carbon monoxide poisoning.

Its almost happened a number of times.  Imagine having to create a system that a bunch of really old guys must be able to activate without being able to ask for help?  And then its used once every decade or two.


I'm an atheist, but this result would almost be enough to turn me into a believer
 
2013-03-12 07:53:41 PM
1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-03-12 07:54:20 PM
Christoph Schönborn

Book it. Done.
 
2013-03-12 07:54:38 PM

Ambivalence: Snarfangel: Everyone keeps assuming that black smoke means no Pope has been elected. What if the cardinals accidentally created an anti-Pope.

Isn't there already an anti-pope? I want to say the head of the Eastern Orthodox Church but I don't want to offend if I'm wrong. (And I don't care enough to google it).


There is, indeed, an anti-Pope.
 
2013-03-12 07:55:02 PM
i61.photobucket.com
 
2013-03-12 07:55:08 PM
img543.imageshack.us

Joel: "The new pope has not been chosen."
 
2013-03-12 07:55:25 PM
Why doesn't God just tell them all who to vote for the first time?  I mean, they do have a direct connection to God that the layperson doesn't right?
 
2013-03-12 07:55:28 PM

Ambivalence: Snarfangel: Everyone keeps assuming that black smoke means no Pope has been elected. What if the cardinals accidentally created an anti-Pope.

Isn't there already an anti-pope? I want to say the head of the Eastern Orthodox Church but I don't want to offend if I'm wrong. (And I don't care enough to google it).


To be anti-pope, technically you have to have a significantly recognized claim to be the bishop of Rome. That eastern orthodox pope doesn't qualify on that basis.
 
2013-03-12 07:56:09 PM
If they have purple smoke Prince becomes Pope.
 
2013-03-12 07:56:33 PM
We can speed this up, tell them there're 72 virgin altar boys waiting for each of them as soon as they select the capofamiglia.
 
2013-03-12 07:57:28 PM
I think I know a couple of catholics. They probably give a sheet about this. Maybe.
 
2013-03-12 07:57:28 PM

gingerjet: Actually it isn't. They've tried flares a couple of times with mixed results. This time around I read they are using chemicals to produce the right effect.


That was on the news..last night, I think Diane Sawyer/ABC.
 
2013-03-12 07:57:39 PM

Ambivalence: Snarfangel: Everyone keeps assuming that black smoke means no Pope has been elected. What if the cardinals accidentally created an anti-Pope.

Isn't there already an anti-pope? I want to say the head of the Eastern Orthodox Church but I don't want to offend if I'm wrong. (And I don't care enough to google it).


Nope.

Generally, the anti-popes are leaders of splinter Catholic sects. There are a few guys in the US who claim the Bishopric of Rome, actually.
 
2013-03-12 07:57:55 PM
HalfOffOffer
Can't they spare us all the drama of using black and white smoke and just tweet it out when they've picked someone? Sheesh.


[obligatory]
"Okay pope's coming out!"
[/obligatory]
 
2013-03-12 07:57:59 PM

threadjackistan: Ambivalence: Snarfangel: Everyone keeps assuming that black smoke means no Pope has been elected. What if the cardinals accidentally created an anti-Pope.

Isn't there already an anti-pope? I want to say the head of the Eastern Orthodox Church but I don't want to offend if I'm wrong. (And I don't care enough to google it).

To be anti-pope, technically you have to have a significantly recognized claim to be the bishop of Rome. That eastern orthodox pope doesn't qualify on that basis.


Also, if an antipope make contact with the recognized pope, they mutually annihilate into pure energy.
 
2013-03-12 07:58:27 PM

BlackArt: If they have purple smoke Prince becomes Pope.


Then he serves everyone Communion pancakes.
 
2013-03-12 07:59:00 PM

YouPeopleAreCrazy: gingerjet: Actually it isn't. They've tried flares a couple of times with mixed results. This time around I read they are using chemicals to produce the right effect.

That was on the news..last night, I think Diane Sawyer/ABC.


Wait.  Broadcast TV news still exists?
 
2013-03-12 08:00:19 PM

ontariolightning: Black smoke and no Lost references? Have you all FORGOTTEN?!


After the bullshiat way it ended, Lost is dead to me.
 
2013-03-12 08:00:21 PM

gingerjet: Wait. Broadcast TV news still exists?


Yes, but it deals exclusively with Kardashian updates.
 
2013-03-12 08:00:24 PM
starsmedia.ign.com
 
2013-03-12 08:03:16 PM
So six more weeks of winter?

That sucks.
 
2013-03-12 08:03:29 PM

LineNoise: Wow, they weren't messing around with that smoke.

I wouldn't be surprised if they don't hear anything from the conclave for a few days, only to open the doors and find them all dead of carbon monoxide poisoning.


Let God sort 'em out!
 
2013-03-12 08:05:39 PM
If they want to elect the right guy, why don't they pray to the Jesus to get a unanimous decision by all cardinals?

I'd think that the idea is that God would pick his own mouthpiece. I'd be a shame if the cardinals accidentally picked the wrong guy, like someone who likes dicking kids and sullies God's reputation...
 
2013-03-12 08:07:44 PM

Bathia_Mapes: KarmicDisaster: What did they burn to get the smoke that Black, some politician souls?


Straw is burned along with the ballots for the black smoke.


4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-03-12 08:08:10 PM
img593.imageshack.us
/it's funny cuz it's true
 
2013-03-12 08:08:34 PM

LineNoise: Wow, they weren't messing around with that smoke.

I wouldn't be surprised if they don't hear anything from the conclave for a few days, only to open the doors and find them all dead of carbon monoxide poisoning.


Tha.
Would earn the coveted SPIFFY tag.
 
2013-03-12 08:09:28 PM
If the elected few of our political system took their jobs this seriously, I wonder if we would have so much trouble in our society?
 
2013-03-12 08:11:07 PM
You'd think that the old pope would just have a quick chat with god before he quit and be able to cut out a lot of this nonsense.  "Yeah, god says that.... ~this~ guy is the new pope.  Congrats"
 
2013-03-12 08:18:51 PM

TheOther: BlackArt: If they have purple smoke Prince becomes Pope.

Then he serves everyone Communion pancakes.


Papacy, blouses
 
2013-03-12 08:19:19 PM
Black smoke means your fuel mixture is too rich, trim it out a bit. White smoke means that coolant is getting into the combustion chamber and is a sign that you could have a blown head gasket.

Blue, or grey smoke is most likely bad rings
 
2013-03-12 08:21:09 PM

RminusQ: I am highly curious as to what would happen if they picked a non-Cardinal. How would they get the word out to that guy that he needs to get to Rome triple-quick? Would they put out white smoke, and then a guy saying "Please hold for our pope who is arriving on the red-eye and we hope he says yes"? What would be the reaction of the bishop who got that phone call? "Yeah farking right I'm the new pope." [click]

I know it hasn't happened in like 700 years but NEITHER HAS A POPE RESIGNING.


You have to assume most of the cardinals want a chance to be pope, after all they have politicked their way fairly high up the ranks to get where they are, so the honest/generous/charitable/helpful/etc. ones will mostly be gone that far up the hierarchy. So it is unlikely they are going to elect a relatively young cardinal, let alone expand the pool of potential popes outside their group. Plus the entire process is designed to get a "safe" choice - there are unlimited rounds of voting and the winner needs to get over 2/3rds of all the votes, so outsiders and freak winners are not really possible.
 
2013-03-12 08:23:11 PM

Cerebral Knievel: Black smoke means your fuel mixture is too rich, trim it out a bit. White smoke means that coolant is getting into the combustion chamber and is a sign that you could have a blown head gasket.

Blue, or grey smoke is most likely bad rings


This.
 
2013-03-12 08:26:18 PM
Others?
 
2013-03-12 08:31:29 PM
Oh heck, they've already picked the guy. Now they are just swapping kiddy porn. Once they have their collections all sorted out, they'll burn the duplicates, which creates the white sand smoke.

Why do you think they lock the doors?
 
2013-03-12 08:31:36 PM
It's a nice change from all the pole-smoking.
 
2013-03-12 08:32:02 PM
They do clean that thing, right?
 
2013-03-12 08:34:51 PM

KarmicDisaster: What did they burn to get the smoke that Black, some politician souls?


altar boys.
 
2013-03-12 08:38:41 PM
lol good headline
 
2013-03-12 08:39:26 PM

hughesrep: So six more weeks of winter?

That sucks.


Six more weeks of Lent
 
2013-03-12 08:40:58 PM

xria: RminusQ: I am highly curious as to what would happen if they picked a non-Cardinal. How would they get the word out to that guy that he needs to get to Rome triple-quick? Would they put out white smoke, and then a guy saying "Please hold for our pope who is arriving on the red-eye and we hope he says yes"? What would be the reaction of the bishop who got that phone call? "Yeah farking right I'm the new pope." [click]

I know it hasn't happened in like 700 years but NEITHER HAS A POPE RESIGNING.

You have to assume most of the cardinals want a chance to be pope, after all they have politicked their way fairly high up the ranks to get where they are, so the honest/generous/charitable/helpful/etc. ones will mostly be gone that far up the hierarchy. So it is unlikely they are going to elect a relatively young cardinal, let alone expand the pool of potential popes outside their group. Plus the entire process is designed to get a "safe" choice - there are unlimited rounds of voting and the winner needs to get over 2/3rds of all the votes, so outsiders and freak winners are not really possible.


Heh, well, you never know.
 
2013-03-12 08:41:30 PM
I know liters with no PS skills have no business complaining, but I was *really* hoping to come into this thread to see an image of the previous pope with cigarettes coming out of his ears: "RATZINGER - WTF IS THIS GUY'S PROBLEM?"

Alas...
 
2013-03-12 08:42:26 PM
I thought Barack quit smoking
 
2013-03-12 08:44:09 PM

Cerebral Knievel: Black smoke means your fuel mixture is too rich, trim it out a bit. White smoke means that coolant is getting into the combustion chamber and is a sign that you could have a blown head gasket.

Blue, or grey smoke is most likely bad rings



www.redicecreations.com

Those popes always have them some bad-assed rings
 
2013-03-12 08:44:12 PM

gingerjet: LineNoise: Wow, they weren't messing around with that smoke.

I wouldn't be surprised if they don't hear anything from the conclave for a few days, only to open the doors and find them all dead of carbon monoxide poisoning.

Its almost happened a number of times.  Imagine having to create a system that a bunch of really old guys must be able to activate without being able to ask for help?  And then its used once every decade or two.


I don't get why they don't just leave the stoves and chimneys in place.  I'd understand "rarely using them" or even just boarding them up during inclement weather, but to have to freaking install new ones only to go back and tear them out again?

Would leaving them around be considered disrespectful to the new guy?  Sort of a "yeah Jim, this one's not going to last, better just leave the ballot burners around" vibe?  That just smells like office politics.
 
2013-03-12 08:47:03 PM

Perducci: You'd think that the old pope would just have a quick chat with god before he quit and be able to cut out a lot of this nonsense.  "Yeah, god says that.... ~this~ guy is the new pope.  Congrats"


They used to let Popes do that. . .then Pope Benedict IX farked it up by pretty much selling the Papacy to a relative (also the first Pope to ever resign, and the only Pope to serve 3 separate terms in office, and having been elected  at age 20 quite possibly the youngest Pope, he only got the job because he was a young nobleman of a politically powerful family that wanted him on the throne as a political move), he was openly homosexual and held gay orgies in the Lateran Palace.  Due to widespread and overwhelming disgust with him, he resigned a third time and his family paid him off to let them place a more respectable man as the Pope after he left, who was Gregory VI in 1045.

After being deposed for the last time, he was excommunicated for selling church offices (such as his own Papacy) and died in obscurity.

The current system is there to make sure that nobody tampers with the system like that.

Then again, until 769 A.D. the laity of the Diocese of Rome had the right to refuse to acknowledge the new Pope, essentially giving the common people of Rome a collective veto on the process.  They got rid of that one.  It wasn't until 1059 when the current system of Cardinals was created, giving a group of senior Bishops (well technically senior clergy, there were a handful of Cardinal Priests, but that's pretty much not allowed anymore) the ability to collectively decide.

Before 1059, there were a variety of ways of selecting popes, but it was usually by decree of whatever King or Emperor had conquered Rome at the time.  In antiquity, before it became the state church of Rome, the Bishop of Rome was decided by a consensus of the clergy and laity discussing it together.
 
2013-03-12 08:48:26 PM
Obama gets too much credit, this is the gays fault.
 
2013-03-12 08:48:44 PM

fusillade762: No pope, sequester AND we're at war with North Korea again! Cats and dogs, living together!!!


...and the Captain is out on the wheelhouse floor!

/obscure?
 
2013-03-12 08:54:52 PM
I heard this gig was BYOB!

/bring your own boy
 
2013-03-12 08:55:57 PM
Donald Trump is demanding to see the smoke's birth certificate.
 
2013-03-12 08:56:41 PM
Did they purchase offsetting carbon credits?
 
2013-03-12 09:00:30 PM

grokca: Maybe they finally picked a black guy.


I can't wait for all the blacks to start rioting in the streets, burning down their neighborhoods, and smashing the heads of white tanker truck drivers open with fire extinguishers at the obvious racist act of announcing a new black pope with white smoke.  Because honkey!
 
2013-03-12 09:02:05 PM
lh5.googleusercontent.com
 
2013-03-12 09:02:10 PM

TheOther: BlackArt: If they have purple smoke Prince becomes Pope.

Then he serves everyone Communion pancakes.


Game. Choir robes.
 
2013-03-12 09:03:27 PM

BKITU: Christoph Schönborn

Book it. Done.


Him or O'Malley would suggest the church at least is starting to take the sex abuse scandal seriously.
 
2013-03-12 09:05:09 PM

Ambivalence: Snarfangel: Everyone keeps assuming that black smoke means no Pope has been elected. What if the cardinals accidentally created an anti-Pope.

Isn't there already an anti-pope? I want to say the head of the Eastern Orthodox Church but I don't want to offend if I'm wrong. (And I don't care enough to google it).


Not in the sense that's usually meant re "antipope" (which actually involved dueling conclaves in some cases, both claiming to be the head of the Catholic church)--the Eastern Orthodox churches have the church patriarchs, but none of them are claiming to be pontiff (seeing as they had their big divorce from Catholicism back in 1054 CE).   Pretty much the Orthodox churches were the first major "forking" of the Christian church that managed to succeed--we didn't get another successful "fork" until Martin Luther and Henry VIII.)

The antipopes were a bit different--imagine you have two governments, BOTH claiming to be the legitimate government of Catholicism (one being the official "Roman candidate", the other usually elected by a "Conclave in exile" of sorts), and it doesn't hurt that you tended to have lots of major powers in Europe at the time pushing for their particular Pope-claimant and supporting either the "official" pope or the "Conclave-in-exile" antipope.  (Interestingly, a lot of the antipopes predating the Great Schism of 1054 tended to have been "papal appointments" by the Byzantine Empire or the Roman Empire, so that split was probably a good long time coming.)

There's no "opposition popes" that have enough of a pull nowadays to be considered a legitimate antipope--yes, you do have schismatic "Old Order Catholic" type groups who feel Vatican II (and in some cases, Vatican I back from 1868) were hellspawned concentrated evil and that every single person who's held the office of "pope" is in fact an antipope (and that their head bishop is properly the "Papal claimant" of a remainder "True Catholic" church) but they certainly don't have heads of state supporting them--hell, probably the most famous person supporting those types is Mel Gibson and pretty much his career got cratered when it came out just how racist and anti-Semitic the "Traditional Catholic" schismatic group he's in with actually was.
 
2013-03-12 09:05:22 PM

fusillade762: No pope, sequester AND we're at war with North Korea again! Cats and dogs, living together!!!


We were always at war with North Korea.
 
2013-03-12 09:05:25 PM

OtherLittleGuy: [farm7.staticflickr.com image 640x443]


Ats'a bigga Popa!
 
2013-03-12 09:08:36 PM
This is Fartbama's plan to make Amerika Communist and war on Christmas!
 
2013-03-12 09:34:51 PM

digitalrain: [lh5.googleusercontent.com image 270x466]


That is wonderful.


/Loves me some Dante's Peak
 
2013-03-12 09:43:23 PM

The Incredible Sexual Egg: digitalrain: [lh5.googleusercontent.com image 270x466]

That is wonderful.


/Loves me some Dante's Peak


Me too. Glad you enjoyed it :)
 
2013-03-12 09:46:09 PM

over_and_done: xria: RminusQ: I am highly curious as to what would happen if they picked a non-Cardinal. How would they get the word out to that guy that he needs to get to Rome triple-quick? Would they put out white smoke, and then a guy saying "Please hold for our pope who is arriving on the red-eye and we hope he says yes"? What would be the reaction of the bishop who got that phone call? "Yeah farking right I'm the new pope." [click]

I know it hasn't happened in like 700 years but NEITHER HAS A POPE RESIGNING.

You have to assume most of the cardinals want a chance to be pope, after all they have politicked their way fairly high up the ranks to get where they are, so the honest/generous/charitable/helpful/etc. ones will mostly be gone that far up the hierarchy. So it is unlikely they are going to elect a relatively young cardinal, let alone expand the pool of potential popes outside their group. Plus the entire process is designed to get a "safe" choice - there are unlimited rounds of voting and the winner needs to get over 2/3rds of all the votes, so outsiders and freak winners are not really possible.

Heh, well, you never know.


Added to Nextflix instant queue. Thanks.
 
2013-03-12 09:49:05 PM
img.photobucket.com
 
2013-03-12 09:53:18 PM
I know it's a long shot, but I've put my money down on Don Most.

Don Most for Pope.
 
2013-03-12 09:56:38 PM

Hector Remarkable: I know it's a long shot, but I've put my money down on Don Most.

Don Most for Pope.


Potsy for Pope.
 
2013-03-12 10:15:24 PM

fusillade762: No pope, sequester AND we're at war with North Korea again! Cats and dogs, living together!!!


Why not make Kim Jong-Un the new pope?  I mean, we've done worse before.
 
2013-03-12 10:16:59 PM

digitalrain: Hector Remarkable: I know it's a long shot, but I've put my money down on Don Most.

Don Most for Pope.

Potsy for Pope.


Really? i don't know. Which of these men would YOU choose for Pope?
(difficulty: no reverse mortgages)
i.imgur.com
 
2013-03-12 10:17:17 PM

Candygram4Mongo: Added to Nextflix instant queue


Whoops. Make that Netflix instant queue.

Made me curious, though, where www.nextflix.com goes. Turns out... goes to Netflix.

So there ya go.
 
2013-03-12 10:19:29 PM

Candygram4Mongo: Candygram4Mongo: Added to Nextflix instant queue

Whoops. Make that Netflix instant queue.

Made me curious, though, where www.nextflix.com goes. Turns out... goes to Netflix.

So there ya go.


Well, tried it again, now it goes somewhere else.

Could be worse. I could be in charge of choosing a pope. We'd end up with Pope GoDaddy XIII or something...
 
2013-03-12 10:28:06 PM

LeafyGreens: Can I post a bunch in this thread about how I'm an atheist and don't believe in your invisible sky friends?

Because I'm really sick of that shiat.

/don't care what you believe in, just don't sound like a sophomore philosophy student


How interesting, yet predictable, that you are the only person to say anything about being an atheist in the thread,
Whining is a religion.
 
2013-03-12 10:29:43 PM

HeartBurnKid: Ambivalence: Snarfangel: Everyone keeps assuming that black smoke means no Pope has been elected. What if the cardinals accidentally created an anti-Pope.

Isn't there already an anti-pope? I want to say the head of the Eastern Orthodox Church but I don't want to offend if I'm wrong. (And I don't care enough to google it).

There is, indeed, an anti-Pope.


www.startrek.com
What an anti-pope might look like.
 
2013-03-12 10:43:50 PM

BKITU: threadjackistan: Ambivalence: Snarfangel: Everyone keeps assuming that black smoke means no Pope has been elected. What if the cardinals accidentally created an anti-Pope.

Isn't there already an anti-pope? I want to say the head of the Eastern Orthodox Church but I don't want to offend if I'm wrong. (And I don't care enough to google it).

To be anti-pope, technically you have to have a significantly recognized claim to be the bishop of Rome. That eastern orthodox pope doesn't qualify on that basis.

Also, if an antipope make contact with the recognized pope, they mutually annihilate into pure energy.



I wanna know what you're thinking.  There are some things you can't hide.
 
2013-03-12 10:45:02 PM
Maybe they'll elect Joseph Ratzinger for a second term?

Now that would be a first.
 
2013-03-12 10:46:44 PM

ciberido: Also, if an antipope make contact with the recognized pope, they mutually annihilate into pure energy.


Sort of "Don't cross the Popes crosses"
 
2013-03-12 10:46:58 PM

digitalrain: Hector Remarkable: I know it's a long shot, but I've put my money down on Don Most.

Don Most for Pope.

Potsy for Pope.


Sit on it, digitalrain.
 
2013-03-12 10:51:09 PM

jamspoon: Maybe they'll elect Joseph Ratzinger for a second term?

Now that would be a first.


No it wouldn't.

Remember that part above where I mentioned Benedict IX?

Yeah, he served as Pope for 3 non-consecutive terms.  Not only did he resign the Papacy. . .he was re-elected to it afterwards. . .twice!

Thus there's even historic precedent for a resigned (or deposed) Pope to retake the office.

However, since Benedict XVI made it clear he was leaving because he didn't feel fit anymore, presumably he wouldn't be chosen again, because he would not be expected to accept even if he was elected.
 
2013-03-12 10:54:54 PM
In honor of the Conclave, I'm going to have a Father Ted marathon.

i.imgur.com
 
2013-03-12 10:55:46 PM

ciberido: digitalrain: Hector Remarkable: I know it's a long shot, but I've put my money down on Don Most.

Don Most for Pope.

Potsy for Pope.

Sit on it, digitalrain.


Yeah? Well...up your nose with a rubber hose!
 
2013-03-12 10:59:28 PM
ct.fra.bz
 
2013-03-12 11:08:44 PM

ciberido: What an anti-pope might look like.


What being anti-pope might sound like:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1G1y7_r8bE
 
2013-03-12 11:15:51 PM
If you see blue smoke they're making ribs - Letterman.
 
2013-03-12 11:16:59 PM
FUBO
 
2013-03-12 11:18:52 PM

jamspoon: Maybe they'll elect Joseph Ratzinger for a second term?


Cliff Claven for Pope? He told me the next Pope was Yelnik McWawa.
 
2013-03-12 11:39:50 PM
If its blue smoke, it's racks of ribs in the smoker. Kosher if course.
 
2013-03-13 12:06:25 AM
Good. I hope the smoke never goes back.
 
2013-03-13 12:09:45 AM
I'm farking tired of this shiat. All I've heard about for days now is about this pope election. You'd think goddamn Princess Di came back, or we were landing men on Mars. Hurry the fark up and get it over with.
 
2013-03-13 12:15:20 AM

Silverstaff: Perducci: You'd think that the old pope would just have a quick chat with god before he quit and be able to cut out a lot of this nonsense.  "Yeah, god says that.... ~this~ guy is the new pope.  Congrats"

They used to let Popes do that. . .then Pope Benedict IX farked it up by pretty much selling the Papacy to a relative (also the first Pope to ever resign, and the only Pope to serve 3 separate terms in office, and having been elected  at age 20 quite possibly the youngest Pope, he only got the job because he was a young nobleman of a politically powerful family that wanted him on the throne as a political move), he was openly homosexual and held gay orgies in the Lateran Palace.  Due to widespread and overwhelming disgust with him, he resigned a third time and his family paid him off to let them place a more respectable man as the Pope after he left, who was Gregory VI in 1045.

After being deposed for the last time, he was excommunicated for selling church offices (such as his own Papacy) and died in obscurity.

The current system is there to make sure that nobody tampers with the system like that.

Then again, until 769 A.D. the laity of the Diocese of Rome had the right to refuse to acknowledge the new Pope, essentially giving the common people of Rome a collective veto on the process.  They got rid of that one.  It wasn't until 1059 when the current system of Cardinals was created, giving a group of senior Bishops (well technically senior clergy, there were a handful of Cardinal Priests, but that's pretty much not allowed anymore) the ability to collectively decide.

Before 1059, there were a variety of ways of selecting popes, but it was usually by decree of whatever King or Emperor had conquered Rome at the time.  In antiquity, before it became the state church of Rome, the Bishop of Rome was decided by a consensus of the clergy and laity discussing it together.


Well, technically speaking most Cardinals are Cardinal Priests -- they're bishops who are not bishops of a few special dioceses. Cardinal deacons are Cardinals who are priests but not bishops, but you're right that they're mostly out of the decision process now, as they usually get elevated after they turn eighty as a honorary thing (Avery Dulles was one of the better-known Cardinal Deacons). So basically, Cardinal Priests are bishops, and Cardinal Deacons are priests.

And for the rest of your post, you're right on; the history of the papacy is full of all kinds of insane shiat. All those articles about "The Church In Crisis" never seem to remember that there's a lot of church history that took place before Vatican II.
 
2013-03-13 01:18:05 AM
This is why we need to get God back in the Vatican.
 
2013-03-13 01:26:14 AM

phrawgh: This is why we need to get God back in the Vatican.


We can ill afford another Klendathu.
 
2013-03-13 04:46:32 AM
Observe! Smoke from chimney not white, but red!
They say it was the day that God bled.
Nuns weeped, holy men cursed
As they looked out upon the balcony and saw
Beelzebub the First!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGBHfXPqbgI
 
2013-03-13 05:13:55 AM
God says there can be only one pope. Why is the other one still alive?
 
2013-03-13 10:43:32 AM

StoPPeRmobile: God says there can be only one pope. Why is the other one still alive?


So you're saying that the cardinals should fight to the death and the survivor should cut the head off the last pope in order to ascend to the Quickening?
 
2013-03-13 12:20:59 PM
I'm wondering if the Jesus will still talk to the old pope as well as the new pope. If not, when does cut off begin?
 
2013-03-13 12:28:09 PM

I read fark for the pics: I'm wondering if the Jesus will still talk to the old pope as well as the new pope. If not, when does cut off begin?


"Look, Benedict, it's time I started seeing other Popes. No, no, it's not you, it's me. We had a fun eight years together, but I need my freedom."
 
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