If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Fox News)   Open Source Intelligence reports North Korea may have Chinese and Russian ICBM control electronics, Electro-Magnetic Pulse warheads, and plan a high-altitude burst over the Pacific Ocean. Sleep tight, America   (foxnews.com) divider line 169
    More: Scary, EMP, North Koreans, Pacific Oceans, Chinese, open source, intercontinental ballistic missiles, interceptors, Republic of Korea Armed Forces  
•       •       •

9062 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Mar 2013 at 4:37 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



169 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-03-11 10:46:07 PM  
Yet they don't have food for their people nor do they have enough fuel to mobilize their army.

I'll sleep safe and sound, thanks.
 
2013-03-11 10:53:31 PM  
And my aunt may have balls and actually be my uncle but it's highly unlikely
 
2013-03-11 11:02:23 PM  
Luckily for us, our ICBMs will still work as designed.
 
2013-03-11 11:05:00 PM  
If they wanted to cripple us with just the EMP they'd use a small nuke in a plane.
 
2013-03-11 11:18:58 PM  
That sounded convincing and quite alarming at first. Then I got to the paragraph that started with "President George W. Bush understood..." and realized WTF I was reading. The next paragraph started with "Unfortunately, President Obama..."

I have a pretty good idea what came after that.
 
2013-03-11 11:27:45 PM  

MrBallou: That sounded convincing and quite alarming at first. Then I got to the paragraph that started with "President George W. Bush understood..." and realized WTF I was reading. The next paragraph started with "Unfortunately, President Obama..."

I have a pretty good idea what came after that.


That's all the summary I need.
Thank you for saving me time.
 
2013-03-11 11:46:26 PM  
"Open Source Intelligence" is basically a fancy way of saying "stuff we read on the internet."
 
2013-03-11 11:47:03 PM  

RobertBruce: If they wanted to cripple us with just the EMP they'd use a small nuke in a plane.


or the GoldenEye. But that's Russian..
 
2013-03-11 11:48:39 PM  

Joelogon: "Open Source Intelligence" is basically a fancy way of saying "stuff we read on the internet."


You mean 90% of what the CIA does is read foreign press? Get the f*ck outta town!?!

I'm surprised they didn't go with "some blogger."
 
2013-03-11 11:55:34 PM  
"Sleep Tight" or "It's getting dusty in here"

Which headline meme is more annoying lately
 
2013-03-11 11:57:16 PM  
They may have an army of flying monkeys, too
 
2013-03-11 11:58:54 PM  

Snarfangel: Luckily for us, our ICBMs will still work as designed.


what's that, like an IBM?  or a Packard Bell?
 
2013-03-12 12:00:28 AM  

Jon iz teh kewl: Packard Bell


Jesus Christ! Grandpa? I thought you died 10 years ago?
 
2013-03-12 12:06:05 AM  

RobertBruce: If they wanted to cripple us with just the EMP they'd use a small nuke in a plane.


does north korea have planes that can fly that far?? LOL
I guess they could smuggle the bomb onto a chinese plane.
 
2013-03-12 12:12:21 AM  
blogs.scientificamerican.com

Misery loves company.

the norks want us all to look as lights-out as they do?
 
2013-03-12 12:13:46 AM  
Absolute bullshiat.  They can't possibly have the miniaturization down to the point where they can fit a nuclear warhead in a missile.

Of course, saying they have "Electro-Magnetic Pulse warheads" to go with the nukes is proof they don't have the slightest clue what the fark they are talking about.

So of course Fox publishes it as news.
 
2013-03-12 12:15:55 AM  

NewportBarGuy: Yet they don't have food for their people nor do they have enough fuel to mobilize their army.


The first job of such governments is neither to feed their people nor fuel their army. It is to stay in power against real or perceived enemies. The U.S. and Soviets both had plenty of hungry and homeless people during the Cold War but chose instead to build enough nukes to destroy each other many times over.
 
2013-03-12 12:20:05 AM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: They may have an army of flying monkeys, too


Aeeiigh!

Hey, that aint funny!  You shouldnt joke about that.
 
2013-03-12 12:27:12 AM  
Ok.

cbrownley.files.wordpress.com

North Korea is a farking joke. They are to international security what the Jacksonville Jaguars are to the NFL, if the Jags were required to play without a quarterback and to have at least 8 long snappers on the field at all times. The greatest threat to their armed forces is farking  starvation, and that's while they're at  peace.
 
2013-03-12 12:29:10 AM  

Frederick: MaudlinMutantMollusk: They may have an army of flying monkeys, too

Aeeiigh!

Hey, that aint funny!  You shouldnt joke about that.


I ain't worried

/fella down the road sold me a big ol' can of flying monkey repellant
//and I know it works 'cause I ain't seen one since
 
2013-03-12 12:32:34 AM  

Somacandra: The first job of such governments is neither to feed their people nor fuel their army. It is to stay in power against real or perceived enemies. The U.S. and Soviets both had plenty of hungry and homeless people during the Cold War but chose instead to build enough nukes to destroy each other many times over.


Neither country was ever in the dire straits North Korea is in. The only thing that changed is that they got a new leader who needs to appear tough or he's going to get whacked.

The first job of such countries is self preservation and maintaining their power structure. China is ready to smack the sh*t out of them even with the refugee problem they fear. They're bad for business. Fat Kid is f*cking up, big time.

Also, since when are we comparing North Korea with the Soviet Union and the United States?
 
2013-03-12 12:33:18 AM  

dethmagnetic: Ok.

[cbrownley.files.wordpress.com image 300x300]

North Korea is a farking joke. They are to international security what the Jacksonville Jaguars are to the NFL, if the Jags were required to play without a quarterback and to have at least 8 long snappers on the field at all times. The greatest threat to their armed forces is farking  starvation, and that's while they're at  peace.


You go ahead and think that, but when the Red Dawn comes, don't expect me to break you out of the camp.
 
2013-03-12 12:39:48 AM  

DanZero: "Sleep Tight" or "It's getting dusty in here"

Which headline meme is more annoying lately


I'll be better able to tell you when the oil hits the anus.

/icy-hot stutaz 4eva!!!1
//old-skool Fark represent
///also, how's Henry Earl doing? I can't find a current update on the intertubes later than 2010.
 
2013-03-12 12:48:17 AM  
thebusypost.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-03-12 01:08:27 AM  
I'll sleep like Sunny Von Bulow.

dethmagnetic:
North Korea is a farking joke. They are to international security what the Jacksonville Jaguars are to the NFL, if the Jags were required to play without a quarterback and to have at least 8 long snappers on the field at all times. The greatest threat to their armed forces is farking  starvation, and that's while they're at  peace.

Pretty much this.
 
2013-03-12 01:49:22 AM  
Further, Dr. Vincent Pry from the U.S. Nuclear Strategy Forum, has recently made a convincing case that North Korea possesses an Electromagnetic Pulse (EMP) nuclear warhead which would have the ability to take out a national power grid and destroy critical infrastructures throughout the U.S.

they might do better by zapping Japan during the height of daily trading.  one good pulse and a couple billion in stock transactions goes *poof*.  oh sure they'll eventually get the data back but by that point you've achieved your goal of world wide market instability.  follow that up with an EMP somewhere along the west coast of the US (washington state or a city in California, dealers choice) and everyone will go into a tailspin panic that will far outstrip the damage Nkorea would be able to achieve via military conquest.  chaos and panic, market instability, and everyone goes nuts.  bonus points for racking off some missiles towards Taiwan, just because hey - why not right?

Mind you, NKorea will promptly cease to exist as a country shortly afterwards...but if they really WANT to go all stabby they could do it.
 
2013-03-12 01:54:42 AM  

GAT_00: Absolute bullshiat.  They can't possibly have the miniaturization down to the point where they can fit a nuclear warhead in a missile.

I

think its possible.  unlikely but very possible.  the technology we're talking about is old, stable and well known.  we've done well to keep the details secret on nuclear weapons but lets be honest - 70 years is a long time to keep something like that under a rock.  granted, the tech is expensive and demanding but...not all that difficult to acquire.  with all our attention focused on Iran, the norks could have done it.  well, more likely flat out bought it but still.
 
2013-03-12 02:02:03 AM  

MrBallou: That sounded convincing and quite alarming at first. Then I got to the paragraph that started with "President George W. Bush understood..." and realized WTF I was reading. The next paragraph started with "Unfortunately, President Obama..."

I have a pretty good idea what came after that.


I had the exact same reaction, shoulda expected it given the source.
 
2013-03-12 02:11:41 AM  

Weaver95: Further, Dr. Vincent Pry from the U.S. Nuclear Strategy Forum, has recently made a convincing case that North Korea possesses an Electromagnetic Pulse (EMP) nuclear warhead which would have the ability to take out a national power grid and destroy critical infrastructures throughout the U.S.



The same Dr. Peter Vincent Pry who makes his nut running around screaming "the sky is falling!" about possible EMP attacks?  Say it isn't so.
 
2013-03-12 02:20:04 AM  
FTFA (emphasis added):

"Van D. Hipp, Jr. is Chairman of American Defense International, Inc., a Washington, D.C.-based consulting firm specializing in government affairs, business development and public relations. He is the former Deputy Assistant Secretary of the U.S. Army and currently serves on Board of Directors of the American Conservative Union and The National Capitol Board of The Salvation Army."

i.imgur.com

Much like earnings reports, where all the useful information is tucked away in the Notes to the Consolidated Financial Statements, the best way to read any "call to arms" is by first scrolling to the end of the document, and then slowly working your way back up.
 
2013-03-12 02:29:54 AM  

Weaver95: GAT_00: Absolute bullshiat.  They can't possibly have the miniaturization down to the point where they can fit a nuclear warhead in a missile.

I think its possible.  unlikely but very possible.  the technology we're talking about is old, stable and well known.  we've done well to keep the details secret on nuclear weapons but lets be honest - 70 years is a long time to keep something like that under a rock.  granted, the tech is expensive and demanding but...not all that difficult to acquire.  with all our attention focused on Iran, the norks could have done it.  well, more likely flat out bought it but still.



What the hell do they have to trade to get that tech?  I highly doubt they have it.  It's a bluff.

And even so, we NEVER could have done squat about it. Last time we tried, we damn near started WWIII

They are on a border with China., who will absolutely not let us do anything  to them

They've got a bomb. We know that much.

We can't invade , we can't take a strike at them or South Korea will pay the price.

Hell, all they have to do is drive it up to the DMZ and vaporize it and they will hurt the U.S.  and South Korea.
 
2013-03-12 02:30:53 AM  
Oh wait its Fox News, who are desperately craving a war with somebody since the war in Iraq is over and the war in Afghanistan is going to be over soon.  So this story has less crdibility than an article in The Onion.
 
2013-03-12 02:35:38 AM  

dethmagnetic: Ok.

[cbrownley.files.wordpress.com image 300x300]

North Korea is a farking joke. They are to international security what the Jacksonville Jaguars Cleveland Browns are to the NFL, if the Jags Browns were required to play without a quarterback and to have at least 8 long snappers on the field at all times. The greatest threat to their armed forces is farking  starvation, and that's while they're at  peace.


FTFY
 
2013-03-12 02:35:57 AM  

Twilight Farkle: Much like earnings reports, where all the useful information is tucked away in the Notes to the Consolidated Financial Statements, the best way to read any "call to arms" is by first scrolling to the end of the document, and then slowly working your way back up.


Good point.  The reader should be aware of the motivations of the sources.
 
2013-03-12 02:42:21 AM  
For some reason I'm not worried.
 
2013-03-12 02:50:08 AM  

Darth_Lukecash: They've got a bomb. We know that much.


I'm not even convinced of that.  And even Israel had to secretly test their miniaturization technology to get it right.  I find it beyond incredibly unlikely that NK has progressed to that point.
 
2013-03-12 02:57:06 AM  

GAT_00: Darth_Lukecash: They've got a bomb. We know that much.

I'm not even convinced of that.  And even Israel had to secretly test their miniaturization technology to get it right.  I find it beyond incredibly unlikely that NK has progressed to that point.


When I say they have the bomb, I don't mean something that they actually can put on a missile.  They've got something they can detonate. We're not talking anything fancy here.   Put on truck, drive it to the site, and blammo!

Unless you  believe previous test were conventional explosives and they were pretending to launch the bomb...
 
2013-03-12 03:06:28 AM  

Frederick: Twilight Farkle: Much like earnings reports, where all the useful information is tucked away in the Notes to the Consolidated Financial Statements, the best way to read any "call to arms" is by first scrolling to the end of the document, and then slowly working your way back up.

Good point. The reader should be aware of the motivations of the sources.


The red flag (heh) was how it read like a mishmash of the smartest/funniest posts in the threads here over the past week.

If they'd picked one scenario and rolled with it, possibly introducing something not generally known to the hive mind of the internet, it might have been plausible, but by trying to mash up every scenario, including the ones that aren't contingent upon each other, and some of which might be partially/mutually exclusive... no, just no. Not even wrong.

Seriously, integrating Chinese and Russian ICBM controls? Mars Climate Orbiter burned up because Lockheed-Martin worked in Imperial units and JPL worked in metric units, and that was with fat budgets and everyone trying their damndest to make it work.

What could possibly go wrong when the Best Koreans, operating on a shoestring budget, attempt to integrate components from the Russians and the Chinese, both of whom themselves are operate on shoestring budgets...

OK, so an EMP over the Pacific, which might make for a bad day in Hawaii because he doesn't have the range... Wait, it needs to be a device small enough for one of his unreliable launchers to put it into orbit, but reliable enough to guarantee that it'll work even after several days, weeks, or months in orbit when he presses the button directly over the middle of the continental US at the right altitude and under the right conditions...

media.tumblr.com

I can only conclude they're working for someone with an interest in ABM systems, because they could have taken it further. If only they'd also gotten the account from some company specializing in detecting stuff on container ships, because then the EMP missile-of-doom would have been mounted in a hollow-roofed container so that it could be hauled by ship to within 1000 miles of the US coast in order to get it within range. In order to defeat the threat, in addition to an impervious ABM system, the article would have called for thousands of PT boats, each of which has a million-dollar detector array on it, all being cycled through a fleet of a dozen $1B PT-boat-carriers the size of city blocks...

No, wait, I've got another lobbyist on Line 4 here! He's got a $1M check to represent the interests of someone who wants to be prime contractor on a $10B ASW contract! You see, in order to avoid detection by surface assets, the container ship with the missile-in-the-container is actually based on the Japanese-designed I-400 submersible aircraft carrier! They're integrating the designs of the Russians, Chinese, and even those wily Japanese from WW2!

Kim Jong-Un wants nothing out of this saber-rattling beyond some food for his army, but there are still plenty of Americans who have much to gain by convincing their fellow Americans that he wants to go full Un.
 
2013-03-12 03:08:41 AM  

Mentat: dethmagnetic: Ok.

[cbrownley.files.wordpress.com image 300x300]

North Korea is a farking joke. They are to international security what the Jacksonville Jaguars are to the NFL, if the Jags were required to play without a quarterback and to have at least 8 long snappers on the field at all times. The greatest threat to their armed forces is farking  starvation, and that's while they're at  peace.

You go ahead and think that, but when the Red Dawn comes, don't expect me to break you out of the camp.


Your boss is going to need me.

cdn01.cdn.socialitelife.com
 
2013-03-12 03:53:20 AM  
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com

It's on Fox News. That is all.
 
2013-03-12 04:41:32 AM  

GAT_00: Absolute bullshiat.  They can't possibly have the miniaturization down to the point where they can fit a nuclear warhead in a missile.

Of course, saying they have "Electro-Magnetic Pulse warheads" to go with the nukes is proof they don't have the slightest clue what the fark they are talking about.

So of course Fox publishes it as news.


So concise.
 
2013-03-12 04:42:17 AM  
Even if they tried to launch, we are ready for it and a counterattack. I doubt north korea would withstand a full assault, especially if they started shiat with us.

i'm going to sleep tight knowing full well that even if they could get the payload into the rocket (unlikely) and even if they did decide to launch it (even less likely) that it would probably get shot down before it hit the ground.

I doubt the payload would make it through the ride.
 
2013-03-12 04:43:14 AM  
Once we get scared enough, we'll finally start talking to them. Then all the other less-developed countries of the world will go, "Hey look, all we have to do is get nuclear weapons and the United States will start talking us seriously. We should get on that!"
 
2013-03-12 04:43:19 AM  
Yawn. What is this, round 37 of "We're absorutery not kidding, sucka, shiat wirr happen, we tear up treaty, you go down, South Korea, you go down, USA, this time sure, no make bruff this time, sucka!!"
 
2013-03-12 04:44:47 AM  

Magorn: And my aunt may have balls and actually be my uncle but it's highly unlikely


Yeah I was going to go with 'Monkeys might just fly out of my ass but don't hold your breath' but instead Ill go with

This.
 
2013-03-12 04:45:58 AM  

L.D. Ablo: [thebusypost.files.wordpress.com image 500x393]


not often you see a far out space nuts reference.
 
2013-03-12 04:47:22 AM  

Weaver95: Further, Dr. Vincent Pry from the U.S. Nuclear Strategy Forum, has recently made a convincing case that North Korea possesses an Electromagnetic Pulse (EMP) nuclear warhead which would have the ability to take out a national power grid and destroy critical infrastructures throughout the U.S.

they might do better by zapping Japan during the height of daily trading.  one good pulse and a couple billion in stock transactions goes *poof*.  oh sure they'll eventually get the data back but by that point you've achieved your goal of world wide market instability.  follow that up with an EMP somewhere along the west coast of the US (washington state or a city in California, dealers choice) and everyone will go into a tailspin panic that will far outstrip the damage Nkorea would be able to achieve via military conquest.  chaos and panic, market instability, and everyone goes nuts.  bonus points for racking off some missiles towards Taiwan, just because hey - why not right?

Mind you, NKorea will promptly cease to exist as a country shortly afterwards...but if they really WANT to go all stabby they could do it.


They would really have to chant Stabby. Stabby. Stabby! Before i believe 'We are the World' is truly more than a dream sequence.
However, there are things we don't know. Things, we know we don't know. Things we don't know, that we don't know... so therefore, there's something we should oughtta know?

/Not making fun of you Weaver... just saying. It's Best Korea.
 
2013-03-12 04:47:30 AM  
catsonfilm.files.wordpress.com

Unleash the panthers!
 
2013-03-12 04:49:02 AM  

Mentat: dethmagnetic: Ok.

[cbrownley.files.wordpress.com image 300x300]

North Korea is a farking joke. They are to international security what the Jacksonville Jaguars are to the NFL, if the Jags were required to play without a quarterback and to have at least 8 long snappers on the field at all times. The greatest threat to their armed forces is farking  starvation, and that's while they're at  peace.

You go ahead and think that, but when the Red Dawn comes, don't expect me to break you out of the camp.


i2.fc-img.com 
Sees what you did there
 
2013-03-12 04:50:49 AM  

Weaver95: bonus points for racking off some missiles towards Taiwan, just because hey - why not right?


you were on target until this.  the PRC considers Taiwan theirs, and there is no way in hell the norks are going to attack the PRC.
 
Displayed 50 of 169 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report