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(Ahram Online)   Good news: Saudi Arabia may stop beheading people. Not so much: Because there's a shortage of swordsmen   (english.ahram.org.eg ) divider line
    More: Fail, Saudi Arabia, riyadh, Sri Lankan, death penalty  
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5399 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Mar 2013 at 10:02 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-11 10:43:50 PM  

Generation_D: These 8th century goat herders that won the oil lotto need to be beheaded. Live by the sword and die by the sword. I'll rejoice the day the House of Saud is consigned to the history books.


"a hundred years ago you were living in tents out here in the desert chopping each other's heads off and that's where you'll be in another hundred years"
 
2013-03-11 10:44:33 PM  
So...they have job openings?
 
2013-03-11 10:45:07 PM  

doglover: Saudi law allows the death penalty for many crimes. For example:


Terrorism

Some of them are more like guidelines.
 
2013-03-11 10:45:30 PM  
doglover: Sorcery

I'm sorry but I've got to agree with the Saudis on this one. You'd be a damn fool to arrest a sorcerer and not kill them, otherwise you'll have to face the sorcerer's wrath.
 
2013-03-11 10:45:55 PM  

doglover: Waging war on God


whoa...imagine having that one read to you at araignment... although i realize with these dipshiats that probably means something along the lines of cutting the tag off a mattress and not exactly shooting the Pope, but still,  that would be a way better response to the "what are you in for?" question than home invasion.
 
2013-03-11 10:47:15 PM  

doglover: Saudi law allows the death penalty for many crimes. For example:

Adultery (Unmarried adulterers can be sentenced to 100 lashes, married ones can be sentenced to stoning.)
Apostasy (Apostates are sentenced to beheading but are usually given three days to repent and return to Islam.)
Armed robbery
Blasphemy
Carjacking
Drug smuggling
Fornication
Home invasion
Homosexuality (If a person is sodomized by his or her own consent, then he/she might also be sentenced to death)
Idolatry
Murder
Prostitution
Rape
Sedition
Sexual misconduct
Sorcery
Terrorism
Theft (fourth conviction)
Treason
Waging war on God
Witchcraft

I don't care how good the cous cous is, I ain't goin' there.


Why go to western Asia for a north African dish anyway?
 
2013-03-11 10:47:45 PM  

ultraholland: doglover: Sorcery

I'm sorry but I've got to agree with the Saudis on this one. You'd be a damn fool to arrest a sorcerer and not kill them, otherwise you'll have to face the sorcerer's wrath.


images2.wikia.nocookie.net


Oooo, I'm so scared.
 
2013-03-11 10:48:02 PM  

Candygram4Mongo: eyeq360: Beheading people by sword in one blow is pretty hard to do.  It takes a lot of talent.

A chainsaw would be FAR more efficient, but NOOO... That would be too barbaric...


A chainsaw?

I like the way you think, laddie.

Signed,

King Fahd
 
2013-03-11 10:48:14 PM  
There was an interview with a Saudi executioner back in 2003. He learned the trade from his father, and is teaching it to his children. You can find it with the googles if interested.
 
2013-03-11 10:48:51 PM  
I would like one coffin and a hat box.
 
2013-03-11 10:49:18 PM  

doglover: Waging war on God


Isn't it blasphemous to assume that God is so weak that you have to fight His wars for Him?
 
2013-03-11 10:50:36 PM  

Mugato: doglover: Waging war on God

Isn't it blasphemous to assume that God is so weak that you have to fight His wars for Him?


What I want to know is why jacking it in your car is worthy of the death penalty.
 
2013-03-11 10:50:43 PM  

Kentucky Fried Children: Sorcery and witchcraft? So do they do the whole duck-weight-scale thing, or just say SHES A WITCH and off with her head?


Fortune telling is a big one. IIRC, there's a Jordanian man awaiting the sword for having a tv show where people would call in and he would predict a happy life for them. You could be convicted for alternative healing sorts of things. There are also a lot of traditional charms like writing Quranic verses in a special and carrying them for protection or whatever that could fall under magic.

I'm sure though, you'll be shocked to learn that the term is vaguely defined in law and can be used to convicted people the government doesn't like.
 
2013-03-11 10:51:08 PM  
They should stop teaching swordsmanship. Teach them gun ownership... Ooops!
 
2013-03-11 10:53:41 PM  

Generation_D: These 8th century goat herders that won the oil lotto need to be beheaded.



ist2-1.filesor.com

Wait, which goat herders?
 
2013-03-11 10:56:22 PM  
But what do you need a financial advisor for? Twenty years ago you had the highest Gross National Product in the world, now you're tied with Albania. Your second largest export is secondhand goods, closely followed by dates which you're losing five cents a pound on... You know what the business community thinks of you? They think that a hundred years ago you were living in tents out here in the desert chopping each other's heads off and that's where you'll be in another hundred years, so, yes, on behalf of my firm I accept your money.
 
2013-03-11 10:58:30 PM  
What the salary, and how many heads a day do I have to cut off?  My humanity has a price, just like everyone else's.
 
2013-03-11 10:59:53 PM  
This situation isn't unique to Saudi Arabia.

Delaware's method of execution when they brought back the death penalty was hanging,  the original method of execution practiced in Delaware beforeFurman v. Georgia put a moratorium on executions in 1972.  Lethal injection was added later.  One prisoner, Billy Bailey, had been sentenced to be hanged, because his conviction had taken place in 1980, before the method of execution had been switched to lethal injection.  Problem:  nobody in the Delaware Dept. of Corrections knew how to build a gallows or conduct a hanging.  IIRC they went far and wide looking for a hangman, even going so far as to go to South Africa because that country still used hanging as a method of execution back then.  They ended up calling in someone from Washington State, because that was the other U.S. state that had hanging still on the books.  Bailey became only the third execution by hanging carried out in the U.S. since 1965.  All prisoners executed in Delaware since have been executed by lethal injection.
 
2013-03-11 10:59:57 PM  

Pathman: doglover: Waging war on God

whoa...imagine having that one read to you at araignment... although i realize with these dipshiats that probably means something along the lines of cutting the tag off a mattress and not exactly shooting the Pope, but still,  that would be a way better response to the "what are you in for?" question than home invasion.


Convict: what are you in for?
Newbie: Waging war on God.
Convict: Man that sucks.
Newbie:........
Convict: Roll over sweetheart.
 
2013-03-11 11:04:25 PM  

thorthor: Pathman: doglover: Waging war on God

whoa...imagine having that one read to you at araignment... although i realize with these dipshiats that probably means something along the lines of cutting the tag off a mattress and not exactly shooting the Pope, but still,  that would be a way better response to the "what are you in for?" question than home invasion.

Convict: what are you in for?
Newbie: Waging war on God.
Convict: Man that sucks.
Newbie:........
Convict: Roll over sweetheart.


If you can get raped in prison, you're:
A) Guilty of Sodomy and off with your head
B) Not crazy enough to be waging war on God

This is what a holy crusader on a jihad against God himself would be like in prison: Notally Tucking Futs!

goodcomics.comicbookresources.com
 
2013-03-11 11:08:24 PM  

AirForceVet: What are the retirement benefits for swordsmen?

/Hey, I might lose my job due to sequestration.


sorry to hear that.
 
2013-03-11 11:11:37 PM  
A lot of Saudi swordsmen have moved to Oklahoma and are awaiting the final say on Sharia law in that state.
 
2013-03-11 11:11:47 PM  
Pfffft!

I've never beheaded ANYONE and I don't see any frakin' headlines dedicated to my humanitarianism...
 
2013-03-11 11:12:06 PM  

i208.photobucket.com
R.I.P. SWORD MAN

 
2013-03-11 11:13:37 PM  

SpdrJay: Pfffft!

I've never beheaded ANYONE and I don't see any frakin' headlines dedicated to my humanitarianism...


How do you eat 'em without taking the heads off first?
 
2013-03-11 11:17:41 PM  

specialkae: Anne Boylen called and mentioned her swordsman for a reliable reference.

Before la madame guillotine or whatever the French call it these days.


I was also thinking, why jump all those technological changes in executions.  It took them this long, they should just move up to the guillotine for awhile.  Give it 300 years and then maybe try hanging.  By 3000 AD, we may have them up to the electric chair.  Although we could be back to the sword and they will be calling the US savages.
 
2013-03-11 11:19:43 PM  

Mugato: AirForceVet: What are the retirement benefits for swordsmen?

What do you think?

*lop*



We apologise again for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible for sacking beheading the people who have just been sacked beheaded have been sacked beheaded.
 
2013-03-11 11:19:48 PM  

eyeq360: Beheading people by sword in one blow is pretty hard to do.  It takes a lot of talent.


It seems to me that one would need to be able to digest a lot of social bullshiat to be a professional decapitator. Plus the whole taking human heads for pay thing....
 
2013-03-11 11:22:05 PM  

doglover: What I want to know is why jacking it in your car is worthy of the death penalty.


It's not unless you get it on the leather trim
 
2013-03-11 11:24:01 PM  

Is available on weekends.

images3.wikia.nocookie.net

 
2013-03-11 11:24:08 PM  
Wouldn't it be easier in this day and age just to put a bullet in their head and be done with it? Then do that douchebag thing the Chinese do and bill the family for the bullet? Seriously though, that really is a douchey move, Chinamen.
 
2013-03-11 11:24:11 PM  
Saudi Arabia better watch out, a delay like this is sure to give Texas the lead this year.

/get off my lawn
 
2013-03-11 11:25:59 PM  

doglover: eyeq360: Beheading people by sword in one blow is pretty hard to do.  It takes a lot of talent.

Depends on the sword.

A nice German longsword would do it easy.


www.arhandicraftnepal.com
If you want to decapitate, and for some reason you don't want to use a guillotine, the khukuri is the best tool for the job.
 
2013-03-11 11:27:00 PM  

Crotchrocket Slim: It seems to me that one would need to be able to digest a lot of social bullshiat to be a professional decapitator.


Why?

If the system says they're gonna die one way or the other, part of your job is trying to secure a stay of execution via the family's remorse, and you're also a daft hand with a sword it's pretty much your obligation to do it yourself. The best of bad options.

God only knows what kind of hamfisted butcher they'd get to replace you. I mean really, the man would probably miss and hit their shoulder.
 
2013-03-11 11:27:19 PM  
Disgusting medieval goat-farking barbarians. Screw Islam and that warmongering pedophile Mohammed. These people are a scourge on the earth.
 
2013-03-11 11:27:45 PM  

SpdrJay: Pfffft!

I've never beheaded ANYONE and I don't see any frakin' headlines dedicated to my humanitarianism...


img.photobucket.com
 
2013-03-11 11:28:56 PM  

ciberido: If you want to decapitate, and for some reason you don't want to use a guillotine, the khukuri is the best tool for the job.


You take your little Himalayan training falx and you get the hell off my lawn, kiddo.
 
2013-03-11 11:30:02 PM  

Pathman: doglover: Waging war on God

whoa...imagine having that one read to you at araignment... although i realize with these dipshiats that probably means something along the lines of cutting the tag off a mattress and not exactly shooting the Pope, but still,  that would be a way better response to the "what are you in for?" question than home invasion.


I don't know, that one seems pretty badass:

A: What are you in for?
B: Murder and armed robbery.  You?
A: Waging war on God.
B: You can have whichever bunk you like.
 
2013-03-11 11:32:30 PM  

doglover: Saudi law allows the death penalty for many crimes. For example:

Adultery (Unmarried adulterers can be sentenced to 100 lashes, married ones can be sentenced to stoning.)
Apostasy (Apostates are sentenced to beheading but are usually given three days to repent and return to Islam.)
Armed robbery
Blasphemy
Carjacking
Drug smuggling
Fornication
Home invasion
Homosexuality (If a person is sodomized by his or her own consent, then he/she might also be sentenced to death)
Idolatry
Murder
Prostitution
Rape
Sedition
Sexual misconduct
Sorcery
Terrorism
Theft (fourth conviction)
Treason
Waging war on God
Witchcraft

I don't care how good the cous cous is, I ain't goin' there.


Too bad they don't do that here. Sure would thin out the prison population in a hurry.
 
2013-03-11 11:35:29 PM  
When I was little, my father was famous, he was the greatest samurai in the empire.And he was the Shogun's decapitator. He cut off the heads of a hundred and thirty-one lords. It was a bad time for the empire.

The Shogun just stayed inside his castle and he never came out. People said his brain was infected by devils. My father would come home and he would forget about the killings. He wasn't scared of the Shogun, but the Shogun was scared of him.

Then one night the Shogun sent ninjas to my house. They were supposed to kill my father. But they didn't. That was the night everything changed...
 
2013-03-11 11:38:23 PM  

doglover: Saudi law allows the death penalty for many crimes. For example:

Adultery (Unmarried adulterers can be sentenced to 100 lashes, married ones can be sentenced to stoning.)
Apostasy (Apostates are sentenced to beheading but are usually given three days to repent and return to Islam.)
Armed robbery
Blasphemy
Carjacking
Drug smuggling
Fornication
Home invasion
Homosexuality (If a person is sodomized by his or her own consent, then he/she might also be sentenced to death)
Idolatry
Murder
Prostitution
Rape
Sedition
Sexual misconduct
Sorcery
Terrorism
Theft (fourth conviction)
Treason
Waging war on God
Witchcraft

I don't care how good the cous cous is, I ain't goin' there.


Some of those offenses are so broad and vague, they could be applied to anything. What's the difference between sorcery and witchcraft that they're listed as separate offenses? What the heck is 'waging war on God'?
 
2013-03-11 11:38:47 PM  
i bet the tips are awesome!

/wrong religious beheading joke, right?
 
2013-03-11 11:40:28 PM  

ciberido: Pathman: doglover: Waging war on God

whoa...imagine having that one read to you at araignment... although i realize with these dipshiats that probably means something along the lines of cutting the tag off a mattress and not exactly shooting the Pope, but still,  that would be a way better response to the "what are you in for?" question than home invasion.

I don't know, that one seems pretty badass:

A: What are you in for?
B: Murder and armed robbery.  You?
A: Waging war on God.
B: You can have whichever bunk you like.


precisely my point
 
2013-03-11 11:46:10 PM  

Crotchrocket Slim: eyeq360: Beheading people by sword in one blow is pretty hard to do.  It takes a lot of talent.

It seems to me that one would need to be able to digest a lot of social bullshiat to be a professional decapitator. Plus the whole taking human heads for pay thing....


Compared to what... pediatric dentistry? Making innocent children scream, cry, and bleed for pay?
 
2013-03-11 11:47:33 PM  

Somacandra: Generation_D: These 8th century goat herders that won the oil lotto need to be beheaded.

[i.imgur.com image 478x188]

They've already started delaying mass crucifixions. What the fark more do you want?



Humanity.

I want a do-over.

This sucks.
 
2013-03-11 11:50:18 PM  

Somacandra: They've already started delaying mass crucifixions. What the fark more do you want?


That's just because the country's nail gun broke. They have to go to The Home Despot for another one.
 
2013-03-11 11:50:29 PM  

Crotchrocket Slim: eyeq360: Beheading people by sword in one blow is pretty hard to do.  It takes a lot of talent.

It seems to me that one would need to be able to digest a lot of social bullshiat to be a professional decapitator. Plus the whole taking human heads for pay thing....


I know just the man for the job!

blogs.coventrytelegraph.net
 
2013-03-11 11:52:17 PM  
I am curious what the "herp-derp" crowd thinks. On the one hand, they hate Mooslims, but love cheap gas and the death-penalty. Hmmm. A case study in cognitive dissonance perhaps?
 
2013-03-11 11:54:07 PM  

doglover: Saudi law allows the death penalty for many crimes. For example:

Apostasy (Apostates are sentenced to beheading but are usually given three days to repent and return to Islam.)
Sorcery
Witchcraft



www.megaslow.net
 
2013-03-11 11:56:17 PM  
I submitted this with a much trollier headline.
 
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