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(Ahram Online)   Good news: Saudi Arabia may stop beheading people. Not so much: Because there's a shortage of swordsmen   (english.ahram.org.eg ) divider line
    More: Fail, Saudi Arabia, riyadh, Sri Lankan, death penalty  
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5399 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Mar 2013 at 10:02 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



162 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-03-11 08:38:44 PM  
These 8th century goat herders that won the oil lotto need to be beheaded. Live by the sword and die by the sword. I'll rejoice the day the House of Saud is consigned to the history books.
 
2013-03-11 08:52:37 PM  
What are the retirement benefits for swordsmen?

/Hey, I might lose my job due to sequestration.
 
2013-03-11 08:56:10 PM  

AirForceVet: What are the retirement benefits for swordsmen?


What do you think?

*lop*
 
2013-03-11 09:02:43 PM  
Beheading people by sword in one blow is pretty hard to do.  It takes a lot of talent.
 
2013-03-11 09:06:22 PM  
And the training/practice sessions ain't that pretty at all.
 
2013-03-11 09:11:36 PM  

Generation_D: These 8th century goat herders that won the oil lotto need to be beheaded. Live by the sword and die by the sword. I'll rejoice the day the House of Saud is consigned to the history books.


It's not like it's a medieval beheading anyway. They draw off so much blood and dope them up so much they literally have to drag them to the block to begin with. They're literally in decompensated shock when the sword falls down.

If you ever watch any of the videos of them doing it, there's a reason you don't see fountains of blood.
 
2013-03-11 09:26:49 PM  

eyeq360: Beheading people by sword in one blow is pretty hard to do.  It takes a lot of talent.


Yep.  The talented ones are a cut above.
 
2013-03-11 09:31:48 PM  

hardinparamedic: Generation_D: These 8th century goat herders that won the oil lotto need to be beheaded. Live by the sword and die by the sword. I'll rejoice the day the House of Saud is consigned to the history books.

It's not like it's a medieval beheading anyway. They draw off so much blood and dope them up so much they literally have to drag them to the block to begin with. They're literally in decompensated shock when the sword falls down.

If you ever watch any of the videos of them doing it, there's a reason you don't see fountains of blood.


Ummmm...why are you watching videos of people getting beheaded in Saudi Arabia?
 
2013-03-11 09:55:10 PM  
1.bp.blogspot.com

When you hire the right guy for the job, you know there can be only one.

/This better turn into a Highlander thread pretty goddamn quick or you're all turning in your Fark cards.
 
2013-03-11 10:00:42 PM  

Generation_D: These 8th century goat herders that won the oil lotto need to be beheaded.


i.imgur.com

They've already started delaying mass crucifixions. What the fark more do you want?
 
2013-03-11 10:03:00 PM  

eyeq360: Beheading people by sword in one blow is pretty hard to do.  It takes a lot of talent.


A chainsaw would be FAR more efficient, but NOOO... That would be too barbaric...
 
2013-03-11 10:04:41 PM  

Generation_D: I'll rejoice the day the House of Saud is consigned to the history books.


So will most of the world, including most of the world's Muslims. Saudi Arabia.....treats objects like women, man.

Seriously, when Muslims worldwide go on Hajj, the Saudis issue them a special visa that says: you can briefly get into Mecca (and Medina if you want), do your few days and GTFO. And don't let them catch you going elsewhere or you're farked.
 
2013-03-11 10:04:50 PM  
You know what they say... no noose is good noose.
 
2013-03-11 10:04:54 PM  

Generation_D: These 8th century goat herders that won the oil lotto need to be beheaded. Live by the sword and die by the sword. I'll rejoice the day the House of Saud is consigned to the history books.


Wait until you meet their replacements.
 
2013-03-11 10:05:44 PM  
I am wondering if they are looking to see if there are some men from Calais that could do the job?
 
2013-03-11 10:05:51 PM  
Job security!

media.screened.com
 
2013-03-11 10:06:18 PM  
Well, they've teched up to Steel, so it would be best just to upgrade their existing warrior units.
 
2013-03-11 10:07:58 PM  

Somacandra: [1.bp.blogspot.com image 400x214]

When you hire the right guy for the job, you know there can be only one.

/This better turn into a Highlander thread pretty goddamn quick or you're all turning in your Fark cards.


I know his name.
 
2013-03-11 10:09:33 PM  
encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com

They will always lose.
 
2013-03-11 10:11:07 PM  

eyeq360: Beheading people by sword in one blow is pretty hard to do.  It takes a lot of talent.


Depends on the sword.

A nice German longsword would do it easy.
 
2013-03-11 10:11:17 PM  

whistleridge: eyeq360: Beheading people by sword in one blow is pretty hard to do.  It takes a lot of talent.

This guy did an ok job. In a suit, no less.



Fore!!
 
2013-03-11 10:12:30 PM  

Somacandra: [1.bp.blogspot.com image 400x214]

When you hire the right guy for the job, you know there can be only one.

/This better turn into a Highlander thread pretty goddamn quick or you're all turning in your Fark cards.


Ah, the voice of Eugene Krabs on SpongeBob.
 
2013-03-11 10:12:49 PM  
The former incumbent:
2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-03-11 10:13:28 PM  
www.wearysloth.com
 
2013-03-11 10:13:40 PM  

AirForceVet: What are the retirement benefits for swordsmen?

/Hey, I might lose my job due to sequestration.


There's a great severance package...
 
2013-03-11 10:14:49 PM  

Ambivalence: hardinparamedic: Generation_D: These 8th century goat herders that won the oil lotto need to be beheaded. Live by the sword and die by the sword. I'll rejoice the day the House of Saud is consigned to the history books.

It's not like it's a medieval beheading anyway. They draw off so much blood and dope them up so much they literally have to drag them to the block to begin with. They're literally in decompensated shock when the sword falls down.

If you ever watch any of the videos of them doing it, there's a reason you don't see fountains of blood.

Ummmm...why are you watching videos of people getting beheaded in Saudi Arabia?


Because that's where they behead people. If they did it in France, he'd be watching videos of Frenchmen being beheaded. Duh.
 
2013-03-11 10:15:00 PM  
This leads me to wonder: how many swordsmen do they actually need to fit current trends?
 
2013-03-11 10:16:21 PM  

doglover: eyeq360: Beheading people by sword in one blow is pretty hard to do.  It takes a lot of talent.
Depends on the sword.
A nice German longsword would do it easy.

And the executioner.  It takes a special type of person to execute people by beheading with a sword.
I was reading a book on the various methods of judicial execution that have been used throughout history.  Pretty fascinating.
 
2013-03-11 10:16:30 PM  

Molavian: Somacandra: [1.bp.blogspot.com image 400x214]

When you hire the right guy for the job, you know there can be only one.

/This better turn into a Highlander thread pretty goddamn quick or you're all turning in your Fark cards.

Ah, the voice of Eugene Krabs on SpongeBob.


tiff.net

He told you not to bring that up.
 
2013-03-11 10:17:38 PM  
And we're allied with these scumbags. Yeah, we don't get to biatch about Iran or Pakistan anymore.
 
2013-03-11 10:17:43 PM  

Somacandra: When you hire the right guy for the job, you know there can be only one.

/This better turn into a Highlander thread pretty goddamn quick or you're all turning in your Fark cards.


Hassan CHOP!
 
2013-03-11 10:18:45 PM  

AirForceVet: What are the retirement benefits for swordsmen?

/Hey, I might lose my job due to sequestration.


There's a nice severance package.
 
2013-03-11 10:20:15 PM  
Yea I watched the Saudis behead two towers in New York a decade or so back. I think it created many American jobs too, as per the Cheney initiative.

/Beheading is still better than the Christian's version of burning people at the stake.
//But the christians did it because people of science are icky grossy and all that and must be killed to purify the stupids.
 
2013-03-11 10:21:08 PM  
Boris!  I've got a special - when can you work him in?

www.morethings.com

"I couldn't possibly sneak him in until Monday, Sir.  I'm booked solid!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHSkMwUa2i4


/ a favorite movie
 
2013-03-11 10:22:14 PM  
Saudi law allows the death penalty for many crimes. For example:

Adultery (Unmarried adulterers can be sentenced to 100 lashes, married ones can be sentenced to stoning.)
Apostasy (Apostates are sentenced to beheading but are usually given three days to repent and return to Islam.)
Armed robbery
Blasphemy
Carjacking
Drug smuggling
Fornication
Home invasion
Homosexuality (If a person is sodomized by his or her own consent, then he/she might also be sentenced to death)
Idolatry
Murder
Prostitution
Rape
Sedition
Sexual misconduct
Sorcery
Terrorism
Theft (fourth conviction)
Treason
Waging war on God
Witchcraft

I don't care how good the cous cous is, I ain't goin' there.
 
2013-03-11 10:22:21 PM  

Somacandra: [1.bp.blogspot.com image 400x214]

When you hire the right guy for the job, you know there can be only one.

/This better turn into a Highlander thread pretty goddamn quick or you're all turning in your Fark cards.


2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-03-11 10:24:45 PM  
hardinparamedic: If you ever watch any of the videos of them doing it, there's a reason you don't see fountains of blood.

Which is why I hate watching those videos. Such a letdown.
 
2013-03-11 10:24:58 PM  

eyeq360: Beheading people by sword in one blow is pretty hard to do.  It takes a lot of talent.


Ok, so let's say it takes 2 or 3 hacks to get the head off, the heads still off. I fail to see a problem here.
 
2013-03-11 10:28:08 PM  
too stupid to build a guillotine
 
2013-03-11 10:29:34 PM  
i1.ytimg.com
you were supposed to fire up, we all fired up
 
2013-03-11 10:30:22 PM  
Came for HASAAAAAAAAN CHOP!, leaving satisfied.
 
2013-03-11 10:31:07 PM  

doglover: Saudi law allows the death penalty for many crimes. For example:

Adultery (Unmarried adulterers can be sentenced to 100 lashes, married ones can be sentenced to stoning.)
Apostasy (Apostates are sentenced to beheading but are usually given three days to repent and return to Islam.)
Armed robbery
Blasphemy
Carjacking
Drug smuggling
Fornication
Home invasion
Homosexuality (If a person is sodomized by his or her own consent, then he/she might also be sentenced to death)
Idolatry
Murder
Prostitution
Rape
Sedition
Sexual misconduct
Sorcery
Terrorism
Theft (fourth conviction)
Treason
Waging war on God
Witchcraft

I don't care how good the cous cous is, I ain't goin' there.


seriously.  i'm pretty much guilty of all of those things at one time or another in one form or another
(lol - 'cept i ain't no idolator)
 
2013-03-11 10:34:21 PM  

Millennium: This leads me to wonder: how many swordsmen do they actually need to fit current trends?


Yeah, seems like one would be enough for the entire country.  TFA said there were 76 beheadings all last year.

Do two a week for 38 weeks and kick it for the next 14.

It's a teacher-like workload.
 
2013-03-11 10:37:43 PM  

Magorn: The former incumbent:


A personal favorite cartoon of mine.

Applicable Quote: "Consequences, Schmonsequences, as long as I'm rich"
 
2013-03-11 10:37:54 PM  
I guess I'll scrap my plans of waging war on god with sorcery while I visit.
 
2013-03-11 10:39:15 PM  

Pathman: doglover: Saudi law allows the death penalty for many crimes. For example:

Adultery (Unmarried adulterers can be sentenced to 100 lashes, married ones can be sentenced to stoning.)
Apostasy (Apostates are sentenced to beheading but are usually given three days to repent and return to Islam.)
Armed robbery
Blasphemy
Carjacking
Drug smuggling
Fornication
Home invasion
Homosexuality (If a person is sodomized by his or her own consent, then he/she might also be sentenced to death)
Idolatry
Murder
Prostitution
Rape
Sedition
Sexual misconduct
Sorcery
Terrorism
Theft (fourth conviction)
Treason
Waging war on God
Witchcraft

I don't care how good the cous cous is, I ain't goin' there.

seriously.  i'm pretty much guilty of all of those things at one time or another in one form or another
(lol - 'cept i ain't no idolator)


Just about the only one on the list is apostasy. Not being Muslim I've never turned from Islam's teachings as I'm utter unawares of them and totally willing to talk about it with anyone if it means keeping my head on the neck it came with.

The rest? Yeah... I'm stayin' here.
 
2013-03-11 10:40:05 PM  
Anne Boylen called and mentioned her swordsman for a reliable reference.

Before la madame guillotine or whatever the French call it these days.
 
2013-03-11 10:40:09 PM  

doglover: Saudi law allows the death penalty for many crimes. For example:

Waging war on God
Witchcraft

I don't care how good the cous cous is, I ain't goin' there.


On my first reading, I misunderstood this to mean that they frowned deeply on MMOs.
 
2013-03-11 10:42:33 PM  

doglover: Saudi law allows the death penalty for many crimes. For example:

Adultery (Unmarried adulterers can be sentenced to 100 lashes, married ones can be sentenced to stoning.)
Apostasy (Apostates are sentenced to beheading but are usually given three days to repent and return to Islam.)
Armed robbery
Blasphemy
Carjacking
Drug smuggling
Fornication
Home invasion
Homosexuality (If a person is sodomized by his or her own consent, then he/she might also be sentenced to death)
Idolatry
Murder
Prostitution
Rape
Sedition
Sexual misconduct
Sorcery
Terrorism
Theft (fourth conviction)
Treason
Waging war on God
Witchcraft

I don't care how good the cous cous is, I ain't goin' there.


Sorcery and witchcraft?  So do they do the whole duck-weight-scale thing, or just say SHES A WITCH and off with her head?

/seriously though, never, ever EVER want to go to S.A. - its scary how easy one can get their head chopped off there
 
2013-03-11 10:43:27 PM  
So, they are switching to guns,  not SUVs?
 
2013-03-11 10:43:50 PM  

Generation_D: These 8th century goat herders that won the oil lotto need to be beheaded. Live by the sword and die by the sword. I'll rejoice the day the House of Saud is consigned to the history books.


"a hundred years ago you were living in tents out here in the desert chopping each other's heads off and that's where you'll be in another hundred years"
 
2013-03-11 10:44:33 PM  
So...they have job openings?
 
2013-03-11 10:45:07 PM  

doglover: Saudi law allows the death penalty for many crimes. For example:


Terrorism

Some of them are more like guidelines.
 
2013-03-11 10:45:30 PM  
doglover: Sorcery

I'm sorry but I've got to agree with the Saudis on this one. You'd be a damn fool to arrest a sorcerer and not kill them, otherwise you'll have to face the sorcerer's wrath.
 
2013-03-11 10:45:55 PM  

doglover: Waging war on God


whoa...imagine having that one read to you at araignment... although i realize with these dipshiats that probably means something along the lines of cutting the tag off a mattress and not exactly shooting the Pope, but still,  that would be a way better response to the "what are you in for?" question than home invasion.
 
2013-03-11 10:47:15 PM  

doglover: Saudi law allows the death penalty for many crimes. For example:

Adultery (Unmarried adulterers can be sentenced to 100 lashes, married ones can be sentenced to stoning.)
Apostasy (Apostates are sentenced to beheading but are usually given three days to repent and return to Islam.)
Armed robbery
Blasphemy
Carjacking
Drug smuggling
Fornication
Home invasion
Homosexuality (If a person is sodomized by his or her own consent, then he/she might also be sentenced to death)
Idolatry
Murder
Prostitution
Rape
Sedition
Sexual misconduct
Sorcery
Terrorism
Theft (fourth conviction)
Treason
Waging war on God
Witchcraft

I don't care how good the cous cous is, I ain't goin' there.


Why go to western Asia for a north African dish anyway?
 
2013-03-11 10:47:45 PM  

ultraholland: doglover: Sorcery

I'm sorry but I've got to agree with the Saudis on this one. You'd be a damn fool to arrest a sorcerer and not kill them, otherwise you'll have to face the sorcerer's wrath.


images2.wikia.nocookie.net


Oooo, I'm so scared.
 
2013-03-11 10:48:02 PM  

Candygram4Mongo: eyeq360: Beheading people by sword in one blow is pretty hard to do.  It takes a lot of talent.

A chainsaw would be FAR more efficient, but NOOO... That would be too barbaric...


A chainsaw?

I like the way you think, laddie.

Signed,

King Fahd
 
2013-03-11 10:48:14 PM  
There was an interview with a Saudi executioner back in 2003. He learned the trade from his father, and is teaching it to his children. You can find it with the googles if interested.
 
2013-03-11 10:48:51 PM  
I would like one coffin and a hat box.
 
2013-03-11 10:49:18 PM  

doglover: Waging war on God


Isn't it blasphemous to assume that God is so weak that you have to fight His wars for Him?
 
2013-03-11 10:50:36 PM  

Mugato: doglover: Waging war on God

Isn't it blasphemous to assume that God is so weak that you have to fight His wars for Him?


What I want to know is why jacking it in your car is worthy of the death penalty.
 
2013-03-11 10:50:43 PM  

Kentucky Fried Children: Sorcery and witchcraft? So do they do the whole duck-weight-scale thing, or just say SHES A WITCH and off with her head?


Fortune telling is a big one. IIRC, there's a Jordanian man awaiting the sword for having a tv show where people would call in and he would predict a happy life for them. You could be convicted for alternative healing sorts of things. There are also a lot of traditional charms like writing Quranic verses in a special and carrying them for protection or whatever that could fall under magic.

I'm sure though, you'll be shocked to learn that the term is vaguely defined in law and can be used to convicted people the government doesn't like.
 
2013-03-11 10:51:08 PM  
They should stop teaching swordsmanship. Teach them gun ownership... Ooops!
 
2013-03-11 10:53:41 PM  

Generation_D: These 8th century goat herders that won the oil lotto need to be beheaded.



ist2-1.filesor.com

Wait, which goat herders?
 
2013-03-11 10:56:22 PM  
But what do you need a financial advisor for? Twenty years ago you had the highest Gross National Product in the world, now you're tied with Albania. Your second largest export is secondhand goods, closely followed by dates which you're losing five cents a pound on... You know what the business community thinks of you? They think that a hundred years ago you were living in tents out here in the desert chopping each other's heads off and that's where you'll be in another hundred years, so, yes, on behalf of my firm I accept your money.
 
2013-03-11 10:58:30 PM  
What the salary, and how many heads a day do I have to cut off?  My humanity has a price, just like everyone else's.
 
2013-03-11 10:59:53 PM  
This situation isn't unique to Saudi Arabia.

Delaware's method of execution when they brought back the death penalty was hanging,  the original method of execution practiced in Delaware beforeFurman v. Georgia put a moratorium on executions in 1972.  Lethal injection was added later.  One prisoner, Billy Bailey, had been sentenced to be hanged, because his conviction had taken place in 1980, before the method of execution had been switched to lethal injection.  Problem:  nobody in the Delaware Dept. of Corrections knew how to build a gallows or conduct a hanging.  IIRC they went far and wide looking for a hangman, even going so far as to go to South Africa because that country still used hanging as a method of execution back then.  They ended up calling in someone from Washington State, because that was the other U.S. state that had hanging still on the books.  Bailey became only the third execution by hanging carried out in the U.S. since 1965.  All prisoners executed in Delaware since have been executed by lethal injection.
 
2013-03-11 10:59:57 PM  

Pathman: doglover: Waging war on God

whoa...imagine having that one read to you at araignment... although i realize with these dipshiats that probably means something along the lines of cutting the tag off a mattress and not exactly shooting the Pope, but still,  that would be a way better response to the "what are you in for?" question than home invasion.


Convict: what are you in for?
Newbie: Waging war on God.
Convict: Man that sucks.
Newbie:........
Convict: Roll over sweetheart.
 
2013-03-11 11:04:25 PM  

thorthor: Pathman: doglover: Waging war on God

whoa...imagine having that one read to you at araignment... although i realize with these dipshiats that probably means something along the lines of cutting the tag off a mattress and not exactly shooting the Pope, but still,  that would be a way better response to the "what are you in for?" question than home invasion.

Convict: what are you in for?
Newbie: Waging war on God.
Convict: Man that sucks.
Newbie:........
Convict: Roll over sweetheart.


If you can get raped in prison, you're:
A) Guilty of Sodomy and off with your head
B) Not crazy enough to be waging war on God

This is what a holy crusader on a jihad against God himself would be like in prison: Notally Tucking Futs!

goodcomics.comicbookresources.com
 
2013-03-11 11:08:24 PM  

AirForceVet: What are the retirement benefits for swordsmen?

/Hey, I might lose my job due to sequestration.


sorry to hear that.
 
2013-03-11 11:11:37 PM  
A lot of Saudi swordsmen have moved to Oklahoma and are awaiting the final say on Sharia law in that state.
 
2013-03-11 11:11:47 PM  
Pfffft!

I've never beheaded ANYONE and I don't see any frakin' headlines dedicated to my humanitarianism...
 
2013-03-11 11:12:06 PM  

i208.photobucket.com
R.I.P. SWORD MAN

 
2013-03-11 11:13:37 PM  

SpdrJay: Pfffft!

I've never beheaded ANYONE and I don't see any frakin' headlines dedicated to my humanitarianism...


How do you eat 'em without taking the heads off first?
 
2013-03-11 11:17:41 PM  

specialkae: Anne Boylen called and mentioned her swordsman for a reliable reference.

Before la madame guillotine or whatever the French call it these days.


I was also thinking, why jump all those technological changes in executions.  It took them this long, they should just move up to the guillotine for awhile.  Give it 300 years and then maybe try hanging.  By 3000 AD, we may have them up to the electric chair.  Although we could be back to the sword and they will be calling the US savages.
 
2013-03-11 11:19:43 PM  

Mugato: AirForceVet: What are the retirement benefits for swordsmen?

What do you think?

*lop*



We apologise again for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible for sacking beheading the people who have just been sacked beheaded have been sacked beheaded.
 
2013-03-11 11:19:48 PM  

eyeq360: Beheading people by sword in one blow is pretty hard to do.  It takes a lot of talent.


It seems to me that one would need to be able to digest a lot of social bullshiat to be a professional decapitator. Plus the whole taking human heads for pay thing....
 
2013-03-11 11:22:05 PM  

doglover: What I want to know is why jacking it in your car is worthy of the death penalty.


It's not unless you get it on the leather trim
 
2013-03-11 11:24:01 PM  

Is available on weekends.

images3.wikia.nocookie.net

 
2013-03-11 11:24:08 PM  
Wouldn't it be easier in this day and age just to put a bullet in their head and be done with it? Then do that douchebag thing the Chinese do and bill the family for the bullet? Seriously though, that really is a douchey move, Chinamen.
 
2013-03-11 11:24:11 PM  
Saudi Arabia better watch out, a delay like this is sure to give Texas the lead this year.

/get off my lawn
 
2013-03-11 11:25:59 PM  

doglover: eyeq360: Beheading people by sword in one blow is pretty hard to do.  It takes a lot of talent.

Depends on the sword.

A nice German longsword would do it easy.


www.arhandicraftnepal.com
If you want to decapitate, and for some reason you don't want to use a guillotine, the khukuri is the best tool for the job.
 
2013-03-11 11:27:00 PM  

Crotchrocket Slim: It seems to me that one would need to be able to digest a lot of social bullshiat to be a professional decapitator.


Why?

If the system says they're gonna die one way or the other, part of your job is trying to secure a stay of execution via the family's remorse, and you're also a daft hand with a sword it's pretty much your obligation to do it yourself. The best of bad options.

God only knows what kind of hamfisted butcher they'd get to replace you. I mean really, the man would probably miss and hit their shoulder.
 
2013-03-11 11:27:19 PM  
Disgusting medieval goat-farking barbarians. Screw Islam and that warmongering pedophile Mohammed. These people are a scourge on the earth.
 
2013-03-11 11:27:45 PM  

SpdrJay: Pfffft!

I've never beheaded ANYONE and I don't see any frakin' headlines dedicated to my humanitarianism...


img.photobucket.com
 
2013-03-11 11:28:56 PM  

ciberido: If you want to decapitate, and for some reason you don't want to use a guillotine, the khukuri is the best tool for the job.


You take your little Himalayan training falx and you get the hell off my lawn, kiddo.
 
2013-03-11 11:30:02 PM  

Pathman: doglover: Waging war on God

whoa...imagine having that one read to you at araignment... although i realize with these dipshiats that probably means something along the lines of cutting the tag off a mattress and not exactly shooting the Pope, but still,  that would be a way better response to the "what are you in for?" question than home invasion.


I don't know, that one seems pretty badass:

A: What are you in for?
B: Murder and armed robbery.  You?
A: Waging war on God.
B: You can have whichever bunk you like.
 
2013-03-11 11:32:30 PM  

doglover: Saudi law allows the death penalty for many crimes. For example:

Adultery (Unmarried adulterers can be sentenced to 100 lashes, married ones can be sentenced to stoning.)
Apostasy (Apostates are sentenced to beheading but are usually given three days to repent and return to Islam.)
Armed robbery
Blasphemy
Carjacking
Drug smuggling
Fornication
Home invasion
Homosexuality (If a person is sodomized by his or her own consent, then he/she might also be sentenced to death)
Idolatry
Murder
Prostitution
Rape
Sedition
Sexual misconduct
Sorcery
Terrorism
Theft (fourth conviction)
Treason
Waging war on God
Witchcraft

I don't care how good the cous cous is, I ain't goin' there.


Too bad they don't do that here. Sure would thin out the prison population in a hurry.
 
2013-03-11 11:35:29 PM  
When I was little, my father was famous, he was the greatest samurai in the empire.And he was the Shogun's decapitator. He cut off the heads of a hundred and thirty-one lords. It was a bad time for the empire.

The Shogun just stayed inside his castle and he never came out. People said his brain was infected by devils. My father would come home and he would forget about the killings. He wasn't scared of the Shogun, but the Shogun was scared of him.

Then one night the Shogun sent ninjas to my house. They were supposed to kill my father. But they didn't. That was the night everything changed...
 
2013-03-11 11:38:23 PM  

doglover: Saudi law allows the death penalty for many crimes. For example:

Adultery (Unmarried adulterers can be sentenced to 100 lashes, married ones can be sentenced to stoning.)
Apostasy (Apostates are sentenced to beheading but are usually given three days to repent and return to Islam.)
Armed robbery
Blasphemy
Carjacking
Drug smuggling
Fornication
Home invasion
Homosexuality (If a person is sodomized by his or her own consent, then he/she might also be sentenced to death)
Idolatry
Murder
Prostitution
Rape
Sedition
Sexual misconduct
Sorcery
Terrorism
Theft (fourth conviction)
Treason
Waging war on God
Witchcraft

I don't care how good the cous cous is, I ain't goin' there.


Some of those offenses are so broad and vague, they could be applied to anything. What's the difference between sorcery and witchcraft that they're listed as separate offenses? What the heck is 'waging war on God'?
 
2013-03-11 11:38:47 PM  
i bet the tips are awesome!

/wrong religious beheading joke, right?
 
2013-03-11 11:40:28 PM  

ciberido: Pathman: doglover: Waging war on God

whoa...imagine having that one read to you at araignment... although i realize with these dipshiats that probably means something along the lines of cutting the tag off a mattress and not exactly shooting the Pope, but still,  that would be a way better response to the "what are you in for?" question than home invasion.

I don't know, that one seems pretty badass:

A: What are you in for?
B: Murder and armed robbery.  You?
A: Waging war on God.
B: You can have whichever bunk you like.


precisely my point
 
2013-03-11 11:46:10 PM  

Crotchrocket Slim: eyeq360: Beheading people by sword in one blow is pretty hard to do.  It takes a lot of talent.

It seems to me that one would need to be able to digest a lot of social bullshiat to be a professional decapitator. Plus the whole taking human heads for pay thing....


Compared to what... pediatric dentistry? Making innocent children scream, cry, and bleed for pay?
 
2013-03-11 11:47:33 PM  

Somacandra: Generation_D: These 8th century goat herders that won the oil lotto need to be beheaded.

[i.imgur.com image 478x188]

They've already started delaying mass crucifixions. What the fark more do you want?



Humanity.

I want a do-over.

This sucks.
 
2013-03-11 11:50:18 PM  

Somacandra: They've already started delaying mass crucifixions. What the fark more do you want?


That's just because the country's nail gun broke. They have to go to The Home Despot for another one.
 
2013-03-11 11:50:29 PM  

Crotchrocket Slim: eyeq360: Beheading people by sword in one blow is pretty hard to do.  It takes a lot of talent.

It seems to me that one would need to be able to digest a lot of social bullshiat to be a professional decapitator. Plus the whole taking human heads for pay thing....


I know just the man for the job!

blogs.coventrytelegraph.net
 
2013-03-11 11:52:17 PM  
I am curious what the "herp-derp" crowd thinks. On the one hand, they hate Mooslims, but love cheap gas and the death-penalty. Hmmm. A case study in cognitive dissonance perhaps?
 
2013-03-11 11:54:07 PM  

doglover: Saudi law allows the death penalty for many crimes. For example:

Apostasy (Apostates are sentenced to beheading but are usually given three days to repent and return to Islam.)
Sorcery
Witchcraft



www.megaslow.net
 
2013-03-11 11:56:17 PM  
I submitted this with a much trollier headline.
 
2013-03-12 12:01:27 AM  
No Eddard Stark admonishing the Saud family that the man who passes the sentence should be man enough to swing the sword?

I am disappoint
 
2013-03-12 12:01:43 AM  

Generation_D: These 8th century goat herders that won the oil lotto need to be beheaded. Live by the sword and die by the sword. I'll rejoice the day the House of Saud is consigned to the history books.


Hey! Those 8th century goat herders are our ALLIES.

mycatbirdseat.com
 
2013-03-12 12:06:33 AM  

readbot42: I am curious what the "herp-derp" crowd thinks. On the one hand, they hate Mooslims, but love cheap gas and the death-penalty. Hmmm. A case study in cognitive dissonance perhaps?


I'm against the death penalty on the grounds that a penalty which is 100% irreversible should not be imposed when the legal system is not 100% accurate.  I think gas should be significantly more expensive than it is, necessity is the mother of invention and we need alternative fuels.  I voted for Obama, support gay rights, support unions, and advocate banning private ownership of firearms.

I also hate Muslims.  Not Arabs, Muslims.  It's a savage and disgusting cult of death and violence.  Their revered prophet is a slave-trading pedophile warlord, and they sincerely love him.  Don't let the cultural relativist Muslim apologists fool you, Islam is an enemy to everyone who values freedom, liberalism, and the ideals of western Enlightenment.  We have nothing to learn from Islam and everything to gain by eradicating it, at least in it's current form.
 
2013-03-12 12:09:25 AM  
For some reason I now want a politician in the US to propose a law that makes executions illegal unless the chair is powered 100% by renewable energies.
 
2013-03-12 12:18:52 AM  
When it comes to anything related to capital punishment, unjustifiable incarcerations or torture in other countries, Americans need to stfu.

/ torture is wrong
// imprisoning people for weed is just as low as political/religious/anyother reasons
 
2013-03-12 12:21:02 AM  

JesusJuice: readbot42: I am curious what the "herp-derp" crowd thinks. On the one hand, they hate Mooslims, but love cheap gas and the death-penalty. Hmmm. A case study in cognitive dissonance perhaps?

I'm against the death penalty on the grounds that a penalty which is 100% irreversible should not be imposed when the legal system is not 100% accurate.  I think gas should be significantly more expensive than it is, necessity is the mother of invention and we need alternative fuels.  I voted for Obama, support gay rights, support unions, and advocate banning private ownership of firearms.

I also hate Muslims.  Not Arabs, Muslims.  It's a savage and disgusting cult of death and violence.  Their revered prophet is a slave-trading pedophile warlord, and they sincerely love him.  Don't let the cultural relativist Muslim apologists fool you, Islam is an enemy to everyone who values freedom, liberalism, and the ideals of western Enlightenment.  We have nothing to learn from Islam and everything to gain by eradicating it, at least in it's current form.



Meh.

All of the Abrahamic religions are similarly farked.

But it was all the result of a simple mistake, really.

G-d said "CIRCUMCIZE" when (s)he really meant "CASTRATE".

/Just think of the HUGE difference a simple misinterpretation can make
 
2013-03-12 12:23:37 AM  

JesusJuice: readbot42: I am curious what the "herp-derp" crowd thinks. On the one hand, they hate Mooslims, but love cheap gas and the death-penalty. Hmmm. A case study in cognitive dissonance perhaps?

I'm against the death penalty on the grounds that a penalty which is 100% irreversible should not be imposed when the legal system is not 100% accurate.  I think gas should be significantly more expensive than it is, necessity is the mother of invention and we need alternative fuels.  I voted for Obama, support gay rights, support unions, and advocate banning private ownership of firearms.

I also hate Muslims.  Not Arabs, Muslims.  It's a savage and disgusting cult of death and violence.  Their revered prophet is a slave-trading pedophile warlord, and they sincerely love him.  Don't let the cultural relativist Muslim apologists fool you, Islam is an enemy to everyone who values freedom, liberalism, and the ideals of western Enlightenment.  We have nothing to learn from Islam and everything to gain by eradicating it, at least in it's current form.


As someone who also opposes the death penalty and private gun ownership and supports renewable fuels, Obama, gay rights, unions, and feminism, and who has had the pleasure of knowing several Muslim friends over the years, I can say, you're a farking douchebag asshole moron.
 
2013-03-12 12:25:57 AM  

Amos Quito: JesusJuice: readbot42: I am curious what the "herp-derp" crowd thinks. On the one hand, they hate Mooslims, but love cheap gas and the death-penalty. Hmmm. A case study in cognitive dissonance perhaps?

I'm against the death penalty on the grounds that a penalty which is 100% irreversible should not be imposed when the legal system is not 100% accurate.  I think gas should be significantly more expensive than it is, necessity is the mother of invention and we need alternative fuels.  I voted for Obama, support gay rights, support unions, and advocate banning private ownership of firearms.

I also hate Muslims.  Not Arabs, Muslims.  It's a savage and disgusting cult of death and violence.  Their revered prophet is a slave-trading pedophile warlord, and they sincerely love him.  Don't let the cultural relativist Muslim apologists fool you, Islam is an enemy to everyone who values freedom, liberalism, and the ideals of western Enlightenment.  We have nothing to learn from Islam and everything to gain by eradicating it, at least in it's current form.


Meh.

All of the Abrahamic religions are similarly farked.

But it was all the result of a simple mistake, really.

G-d said "CIRCUMCIZE" when (s)he really meant "CASTRATE".

/Just think of the HUGE difference a simple misinterpretation can make


It was figs. God hates figs.

img.photobucket.com
 
2013-03-12 12:26:37 AM  

The Voice of Doom: For some reason I now want a politician in the US to propose a law that makes executions illegal unless the chair is powered 100% by renewable energies.


There's POWER IN THE BLOOD, brother.


/Can I hear an amen???
// {{{ AMEN!!! }}}
///Praise cheeses!
 
2013-03-12 12:28:13 AM  

eyeq360: Beheading people by sword in one blow is pretty hard to do.  It takes a lot of talent.


That's why you use an axe.
 
2013-03-12 12:28:46 AM  

doglover: Just about the only one on the list is apostasy. Not being Muslim I've never turned from Islam's teachings as I'm utter unawares of them and totally willing to talk about it with anyone if it means keeping my head on the neck it came with.


Apostasy is not a religious crime. Apostasy is a political crime against the local "nationalism." Notice its only a big deal in already authoritarian states like Iran, Saudi Arabia and the like. Political dissidents are threatened with apostasy charges for speaking out against the government, which proclaims itself the local arbiter of what constitutes proper "Islam" (which always pretty much centers on STFU and don't criticize the government.) Its actually very easy to get out of apostasy charges in classical legal terms: just proclaim the Shahada in court and publicly perform Salat. The hard part is getting back any cultural or political status you had before getting charged. In secular countries with an Islamic history they often have an equivalent. Turkey for example calls it "Insulting Turkishness." In other authoritarian countries like Thailand its a crime to insult the Monarchy: another version of the same theme.  Its all about NATIONALISM as embodied in state authority.
 
2013-03-12 12:28:59 AM  

The Voice of Doom: For some reason I now want a politician in the US to propose a law that makes executions illegal unless the chair is powered 100% by renewable energies.


Compost the bodies, too.
 
mjg
2013-03-12 12:29:40 AM  
i438.photobucket.com
 
2013-03-12 12:31:21 AM  

pion: JesusJuice: readbot42: I am curious what the "herp-derp" crowd thinks. On the one hand, they hate Mooslims, but love cheap gas and the death-penalty. Hmmm. A case study in cognitive dissonance perhaps?

I'm against the death penalty on the grounds that a penalty which is 100% irreversible should not be imposed when the legal system is not 100% accurate.  I think gas should be significantly more expensive than it is, necessity is the mother of invention and we need alternative fuels.  I voted for Obama, support gay rights, support unions, and advocate banning private ownership of firearms.

I also hate Muslims.  Not Arabs, Muslims.  It's a savage and disgusting cult of death and violence.  Their revered prophet is a slave-trading pedophile warlord, and they sincerely love him.  Don't let the cultural relativist Muslim apologists fool you, Islam is an enemy to everyone who values freedom, liberalism, and the ideals of western Enlightenment.  We have nothing to learn from Islam and everything to gain by eradicating it, at least in it's current form.

As someone who also opposes the death penalty and private gun ownership and supports renewable fuels, Obama, gay rights, unions, and feminism, and who has had the pleasure of knowing several Muslim friends over the years, I can say, you're a farking douchebag asshole moron.


Not to mention that, historically speaking, attempts to "eradicate" various religious communities has generally ended badly...
 
2013-03-12 12:32:19 AM  

pion: As someone who also opposes the death penalty and private gun ownership and supports renewable fuels, Obama, gay rights, unions, and feminism, and who has had the pleasure of knowing several Muslim friends over the years

...


In that order?
 
2013-03-12 12:37:09 AM  

JesusJuice: Their revered prophet is a slave-trading pedophile warlord, and they sincerely love him


Apart from the fact that this is really no different from any particular Hebrew patriarch in the Old Testament, this suggests you're not really all that familiar with the Bedouin desert tribal culture that existed at the time. People traded slaves like commodities all the time. People married young and often all the time because they didn't live all that long. And resource allocation was so scarce that a dispute over a single water well/oasis could provoke a blood feud that lasted generations. So again--it just suggests that early Islam, like early Hebrew religion was a product of its culture and time. You can find many examples of all of this in the Tanakh but I don't hear you pissing all over Abraham, Isaac or Jacob. Consistency and fair application of relevant categories is necessary when you're trying to make an informed critique of alien cultures, like 7th C.E. Arabia or Palestine.
 
2013-03-12 12:52:31 AM  

JesusJuice: readbot42: I am curious what the "herp-derp" crowd thinks. On the one hand, they hate Mooslims, but love cheap gas and the death-penalty. Hmmm. A case study in cognitive dissonance perhaps?

I'm against the death penalty on the grounds that a penalty which is 100% irreversible should not be imposed when the legal system is not 100% accurate. I think gas should be significantly more expensive than it is, necessity is the mother of invention and we need alternative fuels. I voted for Obama, support gay rights, support unions, and advocate banning private ownership of firearms.

I also hate Muslims. Not Arabs, Muslims. It's a savage and disgusting cult of death and violence. Their revered prophet is a slave-trading pedophile warlord, and they sincerely love him. Don't let the cultural relativist Muslim apologists fool you, Islam is an enemy to everyone who values freedom, liberalism, and the ideals of western Enlightenment. We have nothing to learn from Islam and everything to gain by eradicating it, at least in it's current form.


It's amazing how "liberals" who supposedly value freedom and tolerance can get away with saying shiat like this.
 
2013-03-12 12:52:32 AM  

Born_Again_Bavarian: Job security!

[media.screened.com image 300x354]


It's the Grumpy Cat of professional headsmen.
 
2013-03-12 12:52:49 AM  

Amos Quito: pion: As someone who also opposes the death penalty and private gun ownership and supports renewable fuels, Obama, gay rights, unions, and feminism, and who has had the pleasure of knowing several Muslim friends over the years...


In that order?


No particular order.  The commutative property is in play.
 
2013-03-12 12:55:33 AM  
And still we buy their oil.  Their religious zealots murder thousands in New York and still we buy their oil.  Their religious figures travel to America to spread hate and incite division and still we buy their oil.

BUT

Hugo Chavez was a monster.  I can't find one instance of a Venezuelan extremist coming to bomb America or murder Americans but Hugo was a monster.  I have never seen a flag draped coffin come back from Venezuela but Hugo was a monster.

it's either willful ignorance or self interest or believing the lies of tainted journalism but it doesn't really matter anymore because Hugo the monster is dead and we'll still buy Saudi oil.
 
2013-03-12 12:58:11 AM  

pion: JesusJuice: readbot42: I am curious what the "herp-derp" crowd thinks. On the one hand, they hate Mooslims, but love cheap gas and the death-penalty. Hmmm. A case study in cognitive dissonance perhaps?

I'm against the death penalty on the grounds that a penalty which is 100% irreversible should not be imposed when the legal system is not 100% accurate.  I think gas should be significantly more expensive than it is, necessity is the mother of invention and we need alternative fuels.  I voted for Obama, support gay rights, support unions, and advocate banning private ownership of firearms.

I also hate Muslims.  Not Arabs, Muslims.  It's a savage and disgusting cult of death and violence.  Their revered prophet is a slave-trading pedophile warlord, and they sincerely love him.  Don't let the cultural relativist Muslim apologists fool you, Islam is an enemy to everyone who values freedom, liberalism, and the ideals of western Enlightenment.  We have nothing to learn from Islam and everything to gain by eradicating it, at least in it's current form.

As someone who also opposes the death penalty and private gun ownership and supports renewable fuels, Obama, gay rights, unions, and feminism, and who has had the pleasure of knowing several Muslim friends over the years, I can say, you're a farking douchebag asshole moron.


who happens to be correct.
 
2013-03-12 01:00:25 AM  
Came for professional headsman's advice by Severian and pictures of Terminus Est.  Leaving disappointed.

/if you're going to own an executioner's sword,
//make it one with a liquid mercury core and etched writing down
//the blade, reading this is the line of division
 
2013-03-12 01:07:42 AM  
Thread needs more beheading pictures...

www.cinema-suicide.com
 
2013-03-12 01:12:24 AM  
Still they remain a little people, a silly people - greedy, barbarous, and cruel.
 
2013-03-12 01:15:05 AM  
Because there's a shortage of swordsmen


Yeah, The Gathering will do that.
 
2013-03-12 01:26:26 AM  
And still we buy their oil. And still we buy their oil. And still we buy their oil. And still we buy their oil. And still we buy their oil.

WTF? Give up you escalades and hummers you soccer moms!
But, but I have two young kids and I need the 2400 sq. Ft of luggage space. Besides it make my vajayjay tingle when I step on the gas pedal. Oooooooh!
 
2013-03-12 01:32:58 AM  

Generation_D: These 8th century goat herders that won the oil lotto need to be beheaded. Live by the sword and die by the sword. I'll rejoice the day the House of Saud is consigned to the history books.

~
~
Laffs! I love how you use the word "need" but offer no explanation.

But we all know they need to be beheaded.
 
2013-03-12 01:35:02 AM  
pion: JesusJuice: readbot42: I am curious what the "herp-derp" crowd thinks. On the one hand, they hate Mooslims, but love cheap gas and the death-penalty. Hmmm. A case study in cognitive dissonance perhaps?

I'm against the death penalty on the grounds that a penalty which is 100% irreversible should not be imposed when the legal system is not 100% accurate.  I think gas should be significantly more expensive than it is, necessity is the mother of invention and we need alternative fuels.  I voted for Obama, support gay rights, support unions, and advocate banning private ownership of firearms.

I also hate Muslims.  Not Arabs, Muslims.  It's a savage and disgusting cult of death and violence.  Their revered prophet is a slave-trading pedophile warlord, and they sincerely love him.  Don't let the cultural relativist Muslim apologists fool you, Islam is an enemy to everyone who values freedom, liberalism, and the ideals of western Enlightenment.  We have nothing to learn from Islam and everything to gain by eradicating it, at least in it's current form.

As someone who also opposes the death penalty and private gun ownership and supports renewable fuels, Obama, gay rights, unions, and feminism, and who has had the pleasure of knowing several Muslim friends over the years, I can say, you're a farking douchebag asshole moron.


By all means, please tell us how other religions are "just as bad" because they committed faith-motivated atrocities hundreds of years ago without the benefit of significant scientific, economic, and societal advancement. For fark's sake, Muhammad was just a much more successful 7th century Joseph Smith.

And Muhammad's religion is diametrically opposed to feminism and gay rights.
 
2013-03-12 01:38:51 AM  

Big Ramifications: Generation_D: These 8th century goat herders that won the oil lotto need to be beheaded. Live by the sword and die by the sword. I'll rejoice the day the House of Saud is consigned to the history books.
~
~
Laffs! I love how you use the word "need" but offer no explanation.

But we all know they need to be beheaded.


Have you ever wondered how the Taliban would act if they had US backing and damn near infinite oil money?

Well that's the Saudi dynasty.
 
2013-03-12 01:43:36 AM  
Someday, most of the Middle East is going to be a sheet of glass.
 
2013-03-12 01:48:34 AM  

thorthor: And still we buy their oil. And still we buy their oil. And still we buy their oil. And still we buy their oil. And still we buy their oil.

WTF? Give up you escalades and hummers you soccer moms!
But, but I have two young kids and I need the 2400 sq. Ft of luggage space. Besides it make my vajayjay tingle when I step on the gas pedal. Oooooooh!


You'd think the left's dislike of big oil and the right's hatred of Arabs could bring both sides together.
 
2013-03-12 02:08:44 AM  

ultraholland: hardinparamedic: If you ever watch any of the videos of them doing it, there's a reason you don't see fountains of blood.

Which is why I hate watching those videos. Such a letdown.


Still, my hat's off to them.
 
2013-03-12 02:14:18 AM  
images.darkhorse.com
 
2013-03-12 02:40:20 AM  

Pathman: ciberido: Pathman: doglover: Waging war on God

whoa...imagine having that one read to you at araignment... although i realize with these dipshiats that probably means something along the lines of cutting the tag off a mattress and not exactly shooting the Pope, but still,  that would be a way better response to the "what are you in for?" question than home invasion.

I don't know, that one seems pretty badass:

A: What are you in for?
B: Murder and armed robbery.  You?
A: Waging war on God.
B: You can have whichever bunk you like.

precisely my point


You don't want to be on the Group W bench in Saudi Arabia.
 
2013-03-12 02:40:20 AM  

Somacandra: Generation_D: I'll rejoice the day the House of Saud is consigned to the history books.

So will most of the world, including most of the world's Muslims. Saudi Arabia.....treats objects like women, man.

Seriously, when Muslims worldwide go on Hajj, the Saudis issue them a special visa that says: you can briefly get into Mecca (and Medina if you want), do your few days and GTFO. And don't let them catch you going elsewhere or you're farked.


Mainly because there is no such thing as a tourist visa in KSA.  I have been there several times for work, and it is no big deal.... OK, it is probably the creepiest place I have ever been in my life, and you feel the weight of the oppression in the air, and you can't buy a drink anywhere (legally) or eat real bacon-- which are both reasons enough to hate a place (although Kuwait is just as backwards).  And you see 'slavery' all over the place.... and there are no women to be seen anywhere (how GAY is that?!).  But aside from all of that, it feels safer than being in any large American city... except for the freeways where men (only) drive insanely....

....no longer sure what my original point was....
 
2013-03-12 02:59:35 AM  

austin_millbarge: "a hundred years ago you were living in tents out here in the desert chopping each other's heads off and that's where you'll be in another hundred years"


Oh yeah,when the oil is gone, they've have 50 million people, no revue or water living in a desert the size of Alaska. Good luck trying to immigrate either. No one wants Saudi immigrants at all, unless they have serious money to throw around.

Protip: If you live in Saudi Arabia, get your family out sooner than later.
 
2013-03-12 03:01:58 AM  

Pathman: doglover: Saudi law allows the death penalty for many crimes. For example:

Adultery (Unmarried adulterers can be sentenced to 100 lashes, married ones can be sentenced to stoning.)
Apostasy (Apostates are sentenced to beheading but are usually given three days to repent and return to Islam.)
Armed robbery
Blasphemy
Carjacking
Drug smuggling
Fornication
Home invasion
Homosexuality (If a person is sodomized by his or her own consent, then he/she might also be sentenced to death)
Idolatry
Murder
Prostitution
Rape
Sedition
Sexual misconduct
Sorcery
Terrorism
Theft (fourth conviction)
Treason
Waging war on God
Witchcraft

I don't care how good the cous cous is, I ain't goin' there.

seriously.  i'm pretty much guilty of all of those things at one time or another in one form or another
(lol - 'cept i ain't no idolator)


You've been a sorcerer? How did your war on God go?
 
2013-03-12 03:19:25 AM  

eyeq360: doglover: eyeq360: Beheading people by sword in one blow is pretty hard to do.  It takes a lot of talent.
Depends on the sword.
A nice German longsword would do it easy.
And the executioner.  It takes a special type of person to execute people by beheading with a sword.
I was reading a book on the various methods of judicial execution that have been used throughout history.  Pretty fascinating.



Reminds me of a mildly humorous anecdote about a certain notorious Judge Les Bewley, one of the few sparky spirits in an otherwise deadly Vancouver legal scene.

Judge Bewley's antics are undoubtedly noted on the internet; I'll just relate one.He had been assigned the dreary duty of sitting on the bench in traffic court, before which a parade of uninterested, slightly annoyed motoring malefactors passed in succession.

One of those present was a deaf man, who had been ticketed for some trivial offence - let's say, running a 'Yield Right of Way' sign.

Judge Bewley reads the charge, accepts the guilty plea as the accused nods sheepishly, and then says "I hereby sentence you to the extreme penalty of death by hanging."

The entire court does a jolt and turns to stare at His Worship in disbelief.

"On second thought I'll fine you fifty dollars."He smiled."I always wanted to be able to say that."
 
2013-03-12 03:24:16 AM  
What is wrong with stoning people?  C'mon man!  Let's get everybody involved!  Honestly, how hard can it be to find a dozen good sized rocks?
 
2013-03-12 03:25:48 AM  

specialkae: Anne Boylen called and mentioned her swordsman for a reliable reference.

Before la madame guillotine or whatever the French call it these days.


Let them eat cake!
 
DuX
2013-03-12 03:38:09 AM  
esportes.r7.com

By the singing bush.
 
2013-03-12 03:50:47 AM  
Is our criminals learning?
i.telegraph.co.uk
 
2013-03-12 04:18:26 AM  

TomD9938: Millennium: This leads me to wonder: how many swordsmen do they actually need to fit current trends?

Yeah, seems like one would be enough for the entire country.  TFA said there were 76 beheadings all last year.

Do two a week for 38 weeks and kick it for the next 14.

It's a teacher-like workload.


So true man, all the PD days are a real drag, and trying to meet NHLB (no head left behind) is nearly impossible. And the standardized testing .....
 
2013-03-12 05:14:22 AM  

Ambivalence: hardinparamedic: Generation_D: These 8th century goat herders that won the oil lotto need to be beheaded. Live by the sword and die by the sword. I'll rejoice the day the House of Saud is consigned to the history books.

It's not like it's a medieval beheading anyway. They draw off so much blood and dope them up so much they literally have to drag them to the block to begin with. They're literally in decompensated shock when the sword falls down.

If you ever watch any of the videos of them doing it, there's a reason you don't see fountains of blood.

Ummmm...why are you watching videos of people getting beheaded in Saudi Arabia?


This. WTF, or rather, HTF can anyone sit and watch a video of someone getting beheaded?
 
2013-03-12 05:19:17 AM  
If only there was some kind of device where you could stick a person's head on a stand and a big blade came down and decapitated them accurately and efficiently.
 
2013-03-12 05:29:33 AM  

tonguedepressor: Ambivalence: hardinparamedic: Generation_D: These 8th century goat herders that won the oil lotto need to be beheaded. Live by the sword and die by the sword. I'll rejoice the day the House of Saud is consigned to the history books.

It's not like it's a medieval beheading anyway. They draw off so much blood and dope them up so much they literally have to drag them to the block to begin with. They're literally in decompensated shock when the sword falls down.

If you ever watch any of the videos of them doing it, there's a reason you don't see fountains of blood.

Ummmm...why are you watching videos of people getting beheaded in Saudi Arabia?

This. WTF, or rather, HTF can anyone sit and watch a video of someone getting beheaded?


Usually they sit down in front of the screen and hit "play". As for how you can watch it happening in person, you stand in a predefined public area and wait for some blindfolded, drugged out guy or girl to be led out in cuffs and made to kneel till some guy with a large sword lops the head off in one blow.
 
2013-03-12 06:21:45 AM  

xterraadam: I submitted this with a much trollier headline.


You didn't make the cut.
 
2013-03-12 06:39:34 AM  

Somacandra: [1.bp.blogspot.com image 400x214]

When you hire the right guy for the job, you know there can be only one.

/This better turn into a Highlander thread pretty goddamn quick or you're all turning in your Fark cards.


24.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-03-12 06:49:58 AM  

ultraholland: doglover: Sorcery

I'm sorry but I've got to agree with the Saudis on this one. You'd be a damn fool to arrest a sorcerer and not kill them, otherwise you'll have to face the sorcerer's wrath.


"even in death a maggot is not to be trusted"
Korgoth of Barbaria
 
2013-03-12 07:18:33 AM  

I_Am_Weasel: eyeq360: Beheading people by sword in one blow is pretty hard to do.  It takes a lot of talent.

Yep.  The talented ones are a cut above.


Top-notch one might say.
 
2013-03-12 07:20:52 AM  

Amos Quito: JesusJuice: readbot42: I am curious what the "herp-derp" crowd thinks. On the one hand, they hate Mooslims, but love cheap gas and the death-penalty. Hmmm. A case study in cognitive dissonance perhaps?

I'm against the death penalty on the grounds that a penalty which is 100% irreversible should not be imposed when the legal system is not 100% accurate.  I think gas should be significantly more expensive than it is, necessity is the mother of invention and we need alternative fuels.  I voted for Obama, support gay rights, support unions, and advocate banning private ownership of firearms.

I also hate Muslims.  Not Arabs, Muslims.  It's a savage and disgusting cult of death and violence.  Their revered prophet is a slave-trading pedophile warlord, and they sincerely love him.  Don't let the cultural relativist Muslim apologists fool you, Islam is an enemy to everyone who values freedom, liberalism, and the ideals of western Enlightenment.  We have nothing to learn from Islam and everything to gain by eradicating it, at least in it's current form.


Meh.

All of the Abrahamic religions are similarly farked.

But it was all the result of a simple mistake, really.

G-d said "CIRCUMCIZE" when (s)he really meant "CASTRATE".

/Just think of the HUGE difference a simple misinterpretation can make


think of how many piano players we would have
 
2013-03-12 08:02:54 AM  

Somacandra: Generation_D: These 8th century goat herders that won the oil lotto need to be beheaded.

[i.imgur.com image 478x188]

They've already started delaying mass crucifixions. What the fark more do you want?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJUhlRoBL8M /oblig
 
2013-03-12 08:12:09 AM  
images.dakkadakka.com
 
2013-03-12 08:36:54 AM  
i worked at NATO in Brussels from 2002-2005. There were some military personnel in our Mission who had lived and worked in Saudi Arabia before then. I don't have the exact years. They told a story about walking down to Chop-Chop Square from the US Embassy to see the goings on when there was a beheading. Before they knew it, they were pushed to the front of the crowd for a good view. The crowd knew they were westerners (if not Americans). One of the newspapers took some pictures of them in the front with a good view and put them in the paper. The Ambassador was not pleased (neither was the RSO- Regional Security Officer or the DAT) and that area was off-limits to official personnel.
 
2013-03-12 09:27:00 AM  

thorthor: WTF? Give up you escalades and hummers you soccer moms!
But, but I have two young kids and I need the 2400 sq. Ft of luggage space. Besides it make my vajayjay tingle when I step on the gas pedal. Oooooooh!


I had a co-worker screeching hen tell me once, "I like how high my SUV is so I can look down on everyone else". I told her she had some serious issues for which she needs to see a therapist before she becomes a danger to herself and others. She gave me a vacant stare and never spoke to me again. So that's all it took?
 
2013-03-12 11:26:49 AM  

ciberido: doglover: eyeq360: Beheading people by sword in one blow is pretty hard to do.  It takes a lot of talent.

Depends on the sword.

A nice German longsword would do it easy.

[www.arhandicraftnepal.com image 700x572]
If you want to decapitate, and for some reason you don't want to use a guillotine, the khukuri is the best tool for the job.


I keep one next to the bed.
 
2013-03-12 12:23:59 PM  

Evil Mackerel: ciberido: doglover: eyeq360: Beheading people by sword in one blow is pretty hard to do.  It takes a lot of talent.

Depends on the sword.

A nice German longsword would do it easy.

[www.arhandicraftnepal.com image 700x572]
If you want to decapitate, and for some reason you don't want to use a guillotine, the khukuri is the best tool for the job.

I keep one next to the bed.


I keep mine's sheathed on my gunbelt. I love the thing. It's got a great heft to it. Plus it gets taken very seriously, even more than the gun really.
 
2013-03-12 12:44:35 PM  
JesusJuice:

Keep sucking on that juice.
 
2013-03-12 12:45:54 PM  
ts1.mm.bing.net
Or you could just build one of these.
 
2013-03-12 05:07:26 PM  

Tanukis_Parachute: i worked at NATO in Brussels from 2002-2005. There were some military personnel in our Mission who had lived and worked in Saudi Arabia before then. I don't have the exact years. They told a story about walking down to Chop-Chop Square from the US Embassy to see the goings on when there was a beheading. Before they knew it, they were pushed to the front of the crowd for a good view. The crowd knew they were westerners (if not Americans). One of the newspapers took some pictures of them in the front with a good view and put them in the paper. The Ambassador was not pleased (neither was the RSO- Regional Security Officer or the DAT) and that area was off-limits to official personnel.


Over the years I've had some cow'orkers who've worked internationally including Saudi Arabia. All of them say Saudi Arabia is seriously creepy.  A friend whose was in Afghanistan in the early nineties said Afghanistan was dangerous, but you felt most people there had your back, not so in Saudi Arabia. It's telling when Al Quada offed Daniel Pearl they had their Taliban flunkies cut up his body and ordered them bury the parts in various places.  After the Saudi's left, the Taliban sewed his body back together and buried him in proper grave.
 
2013-03-12 07:20:46 PM  

stuffy: [ts1.mm.bing.net image 89x139]
Or you could just build one of these.



Why dont I just build a rocket ship to Mars while I'm at it?
 
2013-03-13 08:34:30 AM  

tonguedepressor: This. WTF, or rather, HTF can anyone sit and watch a video of someone getting beheaded?


Once you start masturbating to Japanese Schoolgirls getting pulverized by trains, you can't go back from that, man.
 
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