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(Broward/Palm Beach New Times)   What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you at a temp job? No, I mean the WORST. Because no matter what story you can come up with, this guy wins that particular contest   (blogs.browardpalmbeach.com) divider line 212
    More: Scary, temporary workers, Edgardo Toucet  
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37895 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Mar 2013 at 9:21 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-11 06:25:44 PM
i called in "sick" about 10 times, when i was high on heroin
 
2013-03-11 07:23:08 PM
Man I am sure glad I don't have a penis!
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2013-03-11 08:30:29 PM
Let me tell you about the time I stuck my penis in the pickle slicer...
 
2013-03-11 08:46:37 PM
Ha! There was this one temp job I took where the boss was a total B*TCH and had me slave-laboring right through what was supposed to be my break! Then she demanded I just eat lunch in 15 minutes! It only paid $12/hr! My arms were so f*cking sore the next day and...

(*Clicks article*)

Ooooohhhh.....

yeah, never mind.
 
2013-03-11 08:54:42 PM

ZAZ: Let me tell you about the time I stuck my penis in the pickle slicer...


Dammit!
 
2013-03-11 09:16:19 PM

ZAZ: Let me tell you about the time I stuck my penis in the pickle slicer...


Did she get fired too?
 
2013-03-11 09:21:13 PM

ZAZ: Let me tell you about the time I stuck my penis in the pickle slicer...


So is that why you're not allowed around children anymore, and have to knock on everyone's door?
 
2013-03-11 09:22:01 PM
NOPE!  NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE!
 
2013-03-11 09:22:53 PM

Ambivalence: Man I am sure glad I don't have a penis!


Well hello there. I know where you can obtain the use of one.

/lol
 
2013-03-11 09:22:54 PM
*mouseover link*

"...man gets penis sliced stop reading"

Not clicking.
 
2013-03-11 09:23:42 PM
i2.cdn.turner.com

Welcome to the club, bro.
 
2013-03-11 09:24:20 PM
s3.amazonaws.com
Life imitates art.
 
2013-03-11 09:24:40 PM
Do internships count?

'Cause there's that time I got mauled to death by a lion.
 
2013-03-11 09:24:55 PM

ox45tallboy: Ha! There was this one temp job I took where the boss was a total B*TCH and had me slave-laboring right through what was supposed to be my break! Then she demanded I just eat lunch in 15 minutes! It only paid $12/hr! My arms were so f*cking sore the next day and...

(*Clicks article*)

Ooooohhhh.....

yeah, never mind.


Wait, wait, wait, what was your lunch? Cause if it was a good Ruben it's a push.
 
2013-03-11 09:24:56 PM
How did he manage to get his junk into a position of having it available to be chopped off?

I know that many like to get it as close to a peeler as possible, but I thought it was a different kind.
 
2013-03-11 09:25:32 PM
Well, I guess he won't be shagging anyone now.
 
2013-03-11 09:25:58 PM
This one time, I had a temp job laying down carpet.  You wouldn't believe what I found when I unrolled the foam.
 
2013-03-11 09:27:46 PM
 
2013-03-11 09:29:21 PM

I_Am_Weasel: How did he manage to get his junk into a position of having it available to be chopped off?

I know that many like to get it as close to a peeler as possible, but I thought it was a different kind.


Peal Pressure.
 
2013-03-11 09:29:44 PM
I once; of my own volition , knowing the risks and repercussions, actually provided additional security in a college bar, in a college town, on St. Patrick's day. I'd take the slicer over that.
 
2013-03-11 09:30:19 PM

Dr. Q Alias: This one time, I had a temp job laying down carpet.  You wouldn't believe what I found when I unrolled the foam.


They were putting new carpet in the last place I temped, a Hot Cocoa Sampler Box company ....
 
2013-03-11 09:31:45 PM
Gory hole.
 
2013-03-11 09:31:57 PM
www.cakesnshapes.com
 
2013-03-11 09:33:42 PM

BuckTurgidson: Obligatory, not safe for work or scrotums.


I know people have weird kinds...but...what....the....FARK?????
 
2013-03-11 09:34:12 PM
Johnson?
 
2013-03-11 09:34:22 PM

Ambivalence: Man I am sure glad I don't have a penis!


So, what are you wearing?
 
2013-03-11 09:35:05 PM
Yep... I lost my penis during a camping trip. All I have to show for it is this hatchet wound.
 
2013-03-11 09:37:40 PM
img705.imageshack.us
 
2013-03-11 09:39:15 PM
I stole about 1300 dollars back when that meant something, over two days  registering corpdudes for an event; they paid in cash and there was no accounting system, none.

Oh wait, that's farking fantastic, never mind. Worst thing?

temping in a disgusting half-abandoned factory with four gay black drug addicts that kept sneaking off the to bathroom to buttfark each other and get high and then tell me i was rape bait and they were gonna get me signed on an overnight double and make my asshole bleed.

What do I win?
 
2013-03-11 09:39:20 PM
Well there was the time i was shot into space & forced to watch bad movies.
 
2013-03-11 09:39:24 PM
Now that's a job Americans won't do.
 
2013-03-11 09:39:39 PM
Actually, something pretty similar happened to me.  This was back in the 2002 or 2003 time frame.  It was my first internship/temp job.  I was in school, very naive so when someone offered me an office job making slightly more than I'd be able to make running a cash register or waiting tables at some dilapidated restaurant, I jumped on the opportunity.

For the most part, the job was not that bad.  Sure, there was lots of the typical corporate insanity going on around me.  However, I was all but immune -- I called it the honeymoon phase.  So, when layoffs came around and benefits were cut and people stood around the water cooler biatching about their jobs I shrugged it off.

One of the things that the front desk clerk would often complain about was the paper cutter.  You know that giant, ancient piece of equipment that was like some modified super machete arm bolted down to another razor sharp and dangerous blade sitting at the edge of a wooden block.  Apparently, they'd had this piece of equipment since the 70's.  Despite its rickety appearance and the fact that it felt like it was going to fall apart at any moment when you used it, the thing still had the sharpest blades you could possibly imagine.  I believe it could have cut through adamantium.  No lie.

So one morning I was tasked with slicing up a bunch of "coupons" for the office cafeteria, I thought I'd get creative and attempt to slice a very large bundle of them all at once.  So, I divvied up the stack into 1/3rds, aligned the first stack and tried to push down on the arm.  It didn't even make it through more than 5 or 6 layers before getting stuck.  I tried again.  No luck.  Frustrated, I was about to slam down on the thing with the full force of my weight, but decided better of that idea.  I needed a little pick me up before I did that.

So, I headed over to the break room to get some coffee.  Figured the caffeine would perk me up.  And can you believe it?  There was no coffee left.  Someone took the last cup without making another pot.  It was horrible.  I still to this day, don't know how I managed to make it through that day.
 
2013-03-11 09:40:20 PM

Dr. Q Alias: This one time, I had a temp job laying down carpet.  You wouldn't believe what I found when I unrolled the foam.


Sure we would. What did you find?
 
2013-03-11 09:40:26 PM
the machine:
image.made-in-china.com
 
2013-03-11 09:40:30 PM
And I thought cleaning shiat off the bathroom walls at the bar was bad.....

(And I'm not talking metaphorical shiat, either. Actual human feces.)
 
2013-03-11 09:41:37 PM
Funny I used Spartan as a temp service a few times. First job I got was interesting - I worked for a Trailer Parts place, they basically build thousands of parts for trailers and sell them. My job was to collect all the data (Employee work hours, plus price of item plus hours to build etc etc)
Idea was to find out why the company was losing money so badly, well as it turns out - they would make 5,000 Bolts, lets say it costs 50 cents per bolt to build, they would sell them for 25 cents.....

How did they stay in business? Some things were marked up 50% some were 50% Below cost.

/Can't say anything bad about spartan, they found me work when there was none - apparently they are willing to throw a college kid into any job available knowing the "education" level is one step higher then duh.
 
2013-03-11 09:42:34 PM
I just gave my pinger a little hug. We all should today
 
2013-03-11 09:44:19 PM

Ambivalence: Man I am sure glad I don't have a penis!


Other than this instance it's still a nice thing to have. Comes in REALLY handy for peeing on things, like you wouldn't believe.
 
2013-03-11 09:44:42 PM
I once spent a week volunteering for some supposed non-profit that would buy storage units, estate sales, etc and resell the stuff in their thrift store, then donate the profit to charity (so, basically a goodwill that actually paid for their inventory). In one week, I came across two penis pumps in their cases when going through contents of purchased lots.

/Not as bad as the story in TFA, for sure, but still nasty
 
2013-03-11 09:44:59 PM
threadjack

Does anybody remember a pretty amusing blog written by a barely surviving temp office worker back around the beginning of the internet?  They weren't even called blogs yet.  Probably late '90's.  I'd love to read it again  and find out whatever happened to the guy but google leads me all over the place without knowing the proper title.  I can't even remember the kid's name.

/threadjack
 
2013-03-11 09:48:15 PM
I remember reading somewhere that if a man loses his penis, they can sew on his big toe and no one notices the diffrence.
 
2013-03-11 09:48:20 PM

man metaphysical: I just gave my pinger a little hug. We all should today


I had to calm mine down with some light petting.

There, there, Godzilla. Everything's alright.
 
2013-03-11 09:48:37 PM

willfullyobscure: I stole about 1300 dollars back when that meant something, over two days  registering corpdudes for an event; they paid in cash and there was no accounting system, none.

Oh wait, that's farking fantastic, never mind. Worst thing?

temping in a disgusting half-abandoned factory with four gay black drug addicts that kept sneaking off the to bathroom to buttfark each other and get high and then tell me i was rape bait and they were gonna get me signed on an overnight double and make my asshole bleed.

What do I win?


Proud of petty theft, eh? What district do you represent now?

/seriously, though, that's reprehensible. You are bad and you should feel bad.
 
2013-03-11 09:50:04 PM
My new favorite machine!

www.biography.com
 
2013-03-11 09:50:18 PM

cowgirl toffee: I remember reading somewhere that if a man loses his penis, they can sew on his big toe and no one notices the diffrence.


And when a woman loses her trachea, she can just talk out of a hole in her chest like Ned from South Park, and no one notices, amirite?

Stopgap measures are not true fixes.
 
2013-03-11 09:50:29 PM
From TFA:  One day, Toucet was working the peeler when he suddenly came into contact with the machine's spinning blade. And by "contact," we mean the blade completely severed his dick and balls like a Publix deli meat slicer going to town on a Boar's Head Oven Gold turkey.

OK which of you Farkers wrote this blog post?
 
2013-03-11 09:50:35 PM
Florida.
 
2013-03-11 09:51:03 PM

festoon: And I thought cleaning shiat off the bathroom walls at the bar was bad.....

(And I'm not talking metaphorical shiat, either. Actual human feces.)


Huh, I barbacked for a good while. I cleaned shiat off quite a few places one wouldn't expect to find shiat.

But our ladies were classier than to get it on the bathroom mirror. (Must have been the ladie's room)
 
2013-03-11 09:51:06 PM

doglover: cowgirl toffee: I remember reading somewhere that if a man loses his penis, they can sew on his big toe and no one notices the diffrence.

And when a woman loses her trachea, she can just talk out of a hole in her chest like Ned from South Park, and no one notices, amirite?

Stopgap measures are not true fixes.


:P
 
2013-03-11 09:51:30 PM

Ambivalence: Man I am sure glad I don't have a penis!


Neither does this guy anymore
 
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