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(Some Guy)   "He despised phonies, his 1969 Volvo (which he also loved) . . . Law and Order (all franchises), cats, and Martha Stewart" This and other gems from the finest obituary a man could ever want   (bradfordokeefe.com) divider line 29
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15376 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Mar 2013 at 9:41 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-03-11 10:29:04 PM
6 votes:

Mugato: Why does everyone hate Martha Stewart so much?


Because it's a good thing.
2013-03-11 05:51:37 PM
6 votes:
Harry took fashion cues from no one. His signature every day look was all his: a plain pocketed T-shirt designed by the fashion house Fruit of the Loom, his black-label elastic waist shorts worn above the navel and sold exclusively at the Sam's on Highway 49, and a pair of old school Wallabees (who can even remember where he got those?) that were always paired with a grass-stained MSU baseball cap.

Dad?
2013-03-11 10:14:11 PM
4 votes:
...stay thirsty, my friends
2013-03-11 11:18:12 PM
3 votes:
planetwill.jt.org
TO HARRY STAMPS!
2013-03-11 11:29:15 PM
2 votes:
25.media.tumblr.com
2013-03-11 10:57:07 PM
2 votes:

i upped my meds-up yours: Aside from the cat hating, which is more about Old Fashioned Southern Manhood than anything else, he sounds like someone I'd have liked to know.


Cat hater? i must've missed that.

1.bp.blogspot.com
2013-03-11 10:02:27 PM
2 votes:
One of my favorite L&O quotes:

Det. Mike Logan: Interviewing suspect: When is your birthday?
Suspect: March 20.
Det. Mike Logan: What year?
Suspect: Every year. I have a birthday every year!
2013-03-12 07:55:47 PM
1 votes:

UtileDysfunktion: Mugato: Why does everyone hate Martha Stewart so much?

Seems like she's been trying to lighten up and be more human since getting out of the pen.

/with all the banking shenanigans involved in the home mortgage collapse, who did jail time?  No one.


I don't even know WTF insider trading is but she went in, did her time and probably taught her cellmates how to make some darling shiv-cozies.
2013-03-12 12:46:19 AM
1 votes:

cannotsuggestaname: no obituary shows up for me, in either FF or Chrome.


Well, of course there's no obituary for you.
2013-03-12 12:43:57 AM
1 votes:
Also partial to Nancy Lee Hixon's obituary.
2013-03-12 12:27:10 AM
1 votes:
You know, this just makes me realize that almost all obituaries suck.  Most of them could be like this if people were more honest.
2013-03-12 12:04:39 AM
1 votes:
He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy
2013-03-12 12:00:39 AM
1 votes:

Mugato: Why does everyone hate Martha Stewart so much?


rumor has it she's Ann Hathaway's grandma
2013-03-11 11:56:05 PM
1 votes:
3.bp.blogspot.com

Not at all phony
2013-03-11 11:19:07 PM
1 votes:
I, too, hate golf.

Godspeed, cranky man.
2013-03-11 10:51:40 PM
1 votes:
This is what happens when you let a pretentious smartass write his own obit.
As for the other obits linked in the comments.

 

ArcadianRefugee: I dunno....

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/denverpost/obituary.aspx?page=lifes to ry&pid=156944598


Michael "Flathead" Blanchard Obituary
"So many of his childhood friends that weren't killed in Vietnam went on to become criminals, prostitutes and/or Democrats."

majik624: My favorite obit is this one:
http://www.popehat.com/2008/05/09/way-to-go/


Mr. Louis Casimir Jr.
"Many of his childhood friends who weren't killed or maimed in various wars became petty criminals, prostitutes, and/or Republicans."

Ahem.
2013-03-11 10:42:09 PM
1 votes:
I'm laughing at all the people who can't navigate a goddamn webpage.

Some of you are stupid.
2013-03-11 10:41:38 PM
1 votes:
"He despised phonies"
Even Derpy?
2013-03-11 10:30:24 PM
1 votes:

Mugato: Why does everyone hate Martha Stewart so much?


Because she's an unethical, uppity b*tch who made a career out of turning people into arts and craft snobs?
2013-03-11 10:30:14 PM
1 votes:
Thanks to those who posted the original obit.  The link still goes to comments from the peanut gallery for me.

/Now I'll have to edit my own obit.
2013-03-11 10:26:29 PM
1 votes:
He particularly hated Day Light Saving Time, which he referred to as The Devil's Time. It is not lost on his family that he died the very day that he would have had to spring his clock forward. This can only be viewed as his final protest.

God yes Daylight Savings Time can go to hell. Let me see if I get this correct. You give me an extra hour (OK I admit I love that) in the late part of the year so that you can deny me light later in the day (I hate that) in exchange for more light in the morning (meh). OK that part is a push. I like extra hours.

And then you go and take away my hour (f*ck you) to give me the late day sunlight you took away earlier? Oh well THANK YOU. A**hole.

I hope Ben Franklin burns in hell one day a year. You know what day that would be.
2013-03-11 10:20:27 PM
1 votes:
2013-03-11 10:11:53 PM
1 votes:
One of his regrets was not seeing his girl, Hillary Clinton, elected President.

So, is this Hilliary Clinton's father or what?
2013-03-11 10:03:08 PM
1 votes:
...and he called his wheelchair his Camaro.
2013-03-11 10:00:55 PM
1 votes:
"Harry was thoroughly interested in politics and religion and enjoyed watching politicians act like preachers and preachers act like politicians"

This perfectly describes my grandfather, they even have the same name.
2013-03-11 09:52:22 PM
1 votes:
Obituary for Harry StampsHarry Weathersby Stamps, ladies' man, foodie, natty dresser, and accomplished traveler, died on Saturday, March 9, 2013.
Harry was locally sourcing his food years before chefs in California starting using cilantro and arugula (both of which he hated). For his signature bacon and tomato sandwich, he procured 100% all white Bunny Bread from Georgia, Blue Plate mayonnaise from New Orleans, Sauer's black pepper from Virginia, home grown tomatoes from outside Oxford, and Tennessee's Benton bacon from his bacon-of-the-month subscription. As a point of pride, he purported to remember every meal he had eaten in his 80 years of life.
The women in his life were numerous. He particularly fancied smart women. He loved his mom Wilma Hartzog (deceased), who with the help of her sisters and cousins in New Hebron reared Harry after his father Walter's death when Harry was 12. He worshipped his older sister Lynn Stamps Garner (deceased), a character in her own right, and her daughter Lynda Lightsey of Hattiesburg. He married his main squeeze Ann Moore, a home economics teacher, almost 50 years ago, with whom they had two girls Amanda Lewis of Dallas, and Alison of Starkville. He taught them to fish, to select a quality hammer, to love nature, and to just be thankful. He took great pride in stocking their tool boxes. One of his regrets was not seeing his girl, Hillary Clinton, elected President.
He had a life-long love affair with deviled eggs, Lane cakes, boiled peanuts, Vienna [Vi-e-na] sausages on saltines, his homemade canned fig preserves, pork chops, turnip greens, and buttermilk served in martini glasses garnished with cornbread.
He excelled at growing camellias, rebuilding houses after hurricanes, rocking, eradicating mole crickets from his front yard, composting pine needles, living within his means, outsmarting squirrels, never losing a game of competitive sickness, and reading any history book he could get his hands on. He loved to use his oversized "old man" remote control, which thankfully survived Hurricane Katrina, to flip between watching The Barefoot Contessa and anything on The History Channel. He took extreme pride in his two grandchildren Harper Lewis (8) and William Stamps Lewis (6) of Dallas for whom he would crow like a rooster on their phone calls. As a former government and sociology professor for Gulf Coast Community College, Harry was thoroughly interested in politics and religion and enjoyed watching politicians act like preachers and preachers act like politicians. He was fond of saying a phrase he coined "I am not running for political office or trying to get married" when he was "speaking the truth." He also took pride in his service during the Korean conflict, serving the rank of corporal--just like Napolean, as he would say.
Harry took fashion cues from no one. His signature every day look was all his: a plain pocketed T-shirt designed by the fashion house Fruit of the Loom, his black-label elastic waist shorts worn above the navel and sold exclusively at the Sam's on Highway 49, and a pair of old school Wallabees (who can even remember where he got those?) that were always paired with a grass-stained MSU baseball cap.
Harry traveled extensively. He only stayed in the finest quality AAA-rated campgrounds, his favorite being Indian Creek outside Cherokee, North Carolina. He always spent the extra money to upgrade to a creek view for his tent. Many years later he purchased a used pop-up camper for his family to travel in style, which spoiled his daughters for life.
He despised phonies, his 1969 Volvo (which he also loved), know-it-all Yankees, Southerners who used the words "veranda" and "porte cochere" to put on airs, eating grape leaves, Law and Order (all franchises), cats, and Martha Stewart. In reverse order. He particularly hated Day Light Saving Time, which he referred to as The Devil's Time. It is not lost on his family that he died the very day that he would have had to spring his clock forward. This can only be viewed as his final protest.
Because of his irrational fear that his family would throw him a golf-themed funeral despite his hatred for the sport, his family will hold a private, family only service free of any type of "theme." Visitation will be held at Bradford-O'Keefe Funeral Home, 15th Street, Gulfport on Monday, March 11, 2013 from 6-8 p.m.
In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you make a donation to Mississippi Gulf Coast Community College (Jeff Davis Campus) for their library. Harry retired as Dean there and was very proud of his friends and the faculty. He taught thousands and thousands of Mississippians during his life. The family would also like to thank the Gulfport Railroad Center dialysis staff who took great care of him and his caretaker Jameka Stribling.
Finally, the family asks that in honor of Harry that you write your Congressman and ask for the repeal of Day Light Saving Time. Harry wanted everyone to get back on the Lord's Time.
2013-03-11 09:38:55 PM
1 votes:
I'm a little sad, now that I know I will never have met this guy... we have a fair bit in common, but we might have got to fisticuffs about the daylight savings time thing...
2013-03-11 09:20:42 PM
1 votes:
Just goes to show, it's all about the writer...not the subject
2013-03-11 08:24:14 PM
1 votes:
Makes me wish I had known the guy.

"He particularly hated Day Light Saving Time, which he referred to as The Devil's Time. It is not lost on his family that he died the very day that he would have had to spring his clock forward. This can only be viewed as his final protest."
 
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