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(Some Guy)   "He despised phonies, his 1969 Volvo (which he also loved) . . . Law and Order (all franchises), cats, and Martha Stewart" This and other gems from the finest obituary a man could ever want   (bradfordokeefe.com) divider line 119
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15376 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Mar 2013 at 9:41 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-12 01:28:18 AM

NobleHam: Good obituary, seems like a neat guy, but reading history books and watching the history channel just don't go together. It's like running a barbecue joint but eating McRibs.


The McRib is clearly alien technology. There are many scholars from DeVry and the University of Phoenix that have attributed ancient bathroom wall drawings all over the world to a race of superior beings that had developed a non-bone pork like product that transcended time and space. These patterns are mostly poop like and hexagonal in nature. Mankind could never have created the McRib.
 
2013-03-12 01:28:25 AM
Contradiction FTFO: "One of his regrets was not seeing his girl, Hillary Clinton, elected President," and yet, "He despised phonies."

Just Google "hillary clinton bosnia sniper" and "hillary clinton southern accent."

You could probably also look up "hillary says she forgives bill for putting a cigar in that chick's hoo-ha" but I don't know if it'll be productive.
 
2013-03-12 01:31:54 AM
Allow me to present another favorite as pointed out by Neil Gaiman, for Colonel Michael Singleton.   Truly, the Telegraph has the best obituaries.

From 1948 to 1973 Singleton was headmaster of The Elms school near Malvern. Believing that boys should be neither cosseted nor cowed, he ran the school to robust, rural routines. Before breakfast every morning, Singleton would march everyone outside for several minutes of physical exercise. "Breathers" was held in all weathers, all seasons.

Long walks, cold dormitories and regular hymn-singing were also an integral part of the education, along with cricket nets and Latin prose.

Despite a brisk code of discipline, Singleton took a laissez-faire approach out of the classroom. Every November 5 the smallest boy in the school was sent down a tunnel to light the very core of the bonfire. None, so far as anyone can recall, was ever lost.
 
2013-03-12 01:41:31 AM

JosephFinn: Allow me to present another favorite as pointed out by Neil Gaiman, for Colonel Michael Singleton.   Truly, the Telegraph has the best obituaries.

From 1948 to 1973 Singleton was headmaster of The Elms school near Malvern. Believing that boys should be neither cosseted nor cowed, he ran the school to robust, rural routines. Before breakfast every morning, Singleton would march everyone outside for several minutes of physical exercise. "Breathers" was held in all weathers, all seasons.

Long walks, cold dormitories and regular hymn-singing were also an integral part of the education, along with cricket nets and Latin prose.

Despite a brisk code of discipline, Singleton took a laissez-faire approach out of the classroom. Every November 5 the smallest boy in the school was sent down a tunnel to light the very core of the bonfire. None, so far as anyone can recall, was ever lost.


From the same obit:

If he was an authoritarian, sometimes distant figure, his wife ("Mrs Michael") was artistic and warm, giving boys jam toast in reward for minor errands. She organised ballroom dancing matches against local girls' schools.

I love this.
 
2013-03-12 01:50:07 AM

Mugato: Why does everyone hate Martha Stewart so much?


I dunno. Here she is modeling when she was young.

images.celebritypop.com
static6.businessinsider.com
 
2013-03-12 02:39:43 AM

doglover: [th01.deviantart.net image 425x384]
Who could hate ponies?


Exactly
 
2013-03-12 03:21:36 AM
When I die, I can only hope I'll have an obit close to this freaking epic. But knowing me, mine will say something like:

"He was one grumpy son of a biatch, who liked cheese."
 
2013-03-12 03:30:56 AM

encyclopediaplushuman: doglover: [th01.deviantart.net image 425x384]
Who could hate ponies?

Exactly


Hmm. A thread gone full pony about a guy who hated phonies but loved his classic Volvo? I'm not gonna use anything shopped. That's pretty long-tail even for the Herd, but...

i.imgur.com

Not quite as classic as the 1969 model, but Eeyup, the Herd has it covered.

RIP, Mr. Stamps. You rock. (Woo-hoo!) 8000+ people have read your story so far tonight. Death has struck you down, only to make you 20% cooler.
 
2013-03-12 03:46:05 AM

Twilight Farkle: encyclopediaplushuman: doglover: [th01.deviantart.net image 425x384]
Who could hate ponies?

Exactly

Hmm. A thread gone full pony about a guy who hated phonies but loved his classic Volvo? I'm not gonna use anything shopped. That's pretty long-tail even for the Herd, but...

[i.imgur.com image 850x527]

Not quite as classic as the 1969 model, but Eeyup, the Herd has it covered.

RIP, Mr. Stamps. You rock. (Woo-hoo!) 8000+ people have read your story so far tonight. Death has struck you down, only to make you 20% cooler.


Doing my best Princess Twilight.
 
2013-03-12 06:32:27 AM
www.global-air.com

"Write your own obituary! Far more important than your epitaph - let's face it, few will ever visit your grave - your obit is either your final whimper or your last hurrah. Write it the way you want to be remembered, not necessarily for churches you attended, but for your attendant graces and oddities, even the lessons of your life.". (new window)
 
2013-03-12 07:01:02 AM

cgraves67: Bacon of the month club? I'm going to have to look into that.


It rocks...the wife got me a year's subscription a couple years ago.

However, I found a pound of bacon IS a bit much for one guy to get through (she's vegetarian), so I ended up freezing half every month, so it actually lasted two years.

/kind of like Chanukah
//with pork
 
2013-03-12 07:04:36 AM
I'm not buying that someone who hated cats liked Hillary Clinton. Witches and cats just go together
 
2013-03-12 07:23:38 AM
"He despised phonies..."

3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-03-12 09:40:47 AM
He taught them to fish, to select a quality hammer...

Ron Swanson died?
 
2013-03-12 10:31:57 AM

PunGent: cgraves67: Bacon of the month club? I'm going to have to look into that.

It rocks...the wife got me a year's subscription a couple years ago.

However, I found a pound of bacon IS a bit much for one guy to get through (she's vegetarian), so I ended up freezing half every month, so it actually lasted two years.

/kind of like Chanukah
//with pork


A pound of bacon per month was too much for you? Turn in your man card now.
 
2013-03-12 11:16:25 AM

jimpoz: He taught them to fish, to select a quality hammer...

Ron Swanson died?


Ron would teach 'em to fish WITH a hammer.
 
2013-03-12 11:46:00 AM
What an embarrassment: an obituary that tries to hard to be 'cute'.

The one from last year was much better.

This one reads like it was aimed to get on TV.
 
2013-03-12 12:08:47 PM

Mugato: Why does everyone hate Martha Stewart so much?


Seems like she's been trying to lighten up and be more human since getting out of the pen.

/with all the banking shenanigans involved in the home mortgage collapse, who did jail time?  No one.
 
2013-03-12 07:55:47 PM

UtileDysfunktion: Mugato: Why does everyone hate Martha Stewart so much?

Seems like she's been trying to lighten up and be more human since getting out of the pen.

/with all the banking shenanigans involved in the home mortgage collapse, who did jail time?  No one.


I don't even know WTF insider trading is but she went in, did her time and probably taught her cellmates how to make some darling shiv-cozies.
 
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