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(Some Guy)   "He despised phonies, his 1969 Volvo (which he also loved) . . . Law and Order (all franchises), cats, and Martha Stewart" This and other gems from the finest obituary a man could ever want   (bradfordokeefe.com) divider line 119
    More: Sappy  
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15376 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Mar 2013 at 9:41 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-03-11 10:46:10 PM

The Southern Dandy: Nothing but respect for a man that despises all franchises of Law & Order.

I'll hoist a brew to him tonight!


Second. Except vodak. Cheers!
 
2013-03-11 10:47:00 PM
man--wish i had met the man
 
2013-03-11 10:49:15 PM

IPCONFIG -ALL: One of his regrets was not seeing his girl, Hillary Clinton, elected President.

So, is this Hilliary Clinton's father or what?


Lost all admiration for him at that point.
 
2013-03-11 10:50:50 PM
Aside from the cat hating, which is more about Old Fashioned Southern Manhood than anything else, he sounds like someone I'd have liked to know.
 
2013-03-11 10:51:40 PM
This is what happens when you let a pretentious smartass write his own obit.
As for the other obits linked in the comments.

 

ArcadianRefugee: I dunno....

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/denverpost/obituary.aspx?page=lifes to ry&pid=156944598


Michael "Flathead" Blanchard Obituary
"So many of his childhood friends that weren't killed in Vietnam went on to become criminals, prostitutes and/or Democrats."

majik624: My favorite obit is this one:
http://www.popehat.com/2008/05/09/way-to-go/


Mr. Louis Casimir Jr.
"Many of his childhood friends who weren't killed or maimed in various wars became petty criminals, prostitutes, and/or Republicans."

Ahem.
 
2013-03-11 10:55:28 PM

brandent: Obituary for Harry StampsHarry Weathersby Stamps, ladies' man, foodie, natty dresser, and accomplished traveler, died on Saturday, March 9, 2013.
Harry was locally sourcing his food years before chefs in California starting using cilantro and arugula (both of which he hated). For his signature bacon and tomato sandwich, he procured 100% all white Bunny Bread from Georgia, Blue Plate mayonnaise from New Orleans, Sauer's black pepper from Virginia, home grown tomatoes from outside Oxford, and Tennessee's Benton bacon from his bacon-of-the-month subscription. As a point of pride, he purported to remember every meal he had eaten in his 80 years of life.
The women in his life were numerous. He particularly fancied smart women. He loved his mom Wilma Hartzog (deceased), who with the help of her sisters and cousins in New Hebron reared Harry after his father Walter's death when Harry was 12. He worshipped his older sister Lynn Stamps Garner (deceased), a character in her own right, and her daughter Lynda Lightsey of Hattiesburg. He married his main squeeze Ann Moore, a home economics teacher, almost 50 years ago, with whom they had two girls Amanda Lewis of Dallas, and Alison of Starkville. He taught them to fish, to select a quality hammer, to love nature, and to just be thankful. He took great pride in stocking their tool boxes. One of his regrets was not seeing his girl, Hillary Clinton, elected President.
He had a life-long love affair with deviled eggs, Lane cakes, boiled peanuts, Vienna [Vi-e-na] sausages on saltines, his homemade canned fig preserves, pork chops, turnip greens, and buttermilk served in martini glasses garnished with cornbread.
He excelled at growing camellias, rebuilding houses after hurricanes, rocking, eradicating mole crickets from his front yard, composting pine needles, living within his means, outsmarting squirrels, never losing a game of competitive sickness, and reading any history book he could get his hands on. He loved to use his oversize ...


Holy crap, I don't know this guy, but now I'm feeling a bit blue that I never got to meet him.

RIP, good sir.
 
2013-03-11 10:56:34 PM
The best obituary I've seen in my small-town paper lately is for a man whose friends held not a church service or graveside service, but a memorial barbecue. Wish I'd gone.
 
2013-03-11 10:57:07 PM

i upped my meds-up yours: Aside from the cat hating, which is more about Old Fashioned Southern Manhood than anything else, he sounds like someone I'd have liked to know.


Cat hater? i must've missed that.

1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-03-11 11:03:49 PM

Huck And Molly Ziegler: The best obituary I've seen in my small-town paper lately is for a man whose friends held not a church service or graveside service, but a memorial barbecue. Wish I'd gone.


Last summer when a friend/neighbor died his sisters threw a party during happy hour at the bar he went to daily.

It was perfect. The man loved $1.50 beer.
 
2013-03-11 11:05:41 PM

puckrock2000: This is what happens when you let a pretentious smartass write his own obit.


His daughter wrote it.
 
2013-03-11 11:07:27 PM
Harry was locally sourcing his food years before chefs in California starting using cilantro and arugula (both of which he hated).

The man was a hero.
 
2013-03-11 11:13:58 PM

vicejay: puckrock2000: This is what happens when you let a pretentious smartass write his own obit.

His daughter wrote it.


fabricated outrage knows no bounds (and it's not too concerned about being correct either)
 
2013-03-11 11:18:12 PM
planetwill.jt.org
TO HARRY STAMPS!
 
2013-03-11 11:19:07 PM
I, too, hate golf.

Godspeed, cranky man.
 
2013-03-11 11:19:53 PM
I wrote my brother's, in December 2011.

It had guinea pigs, Star Trek, guns, NASCAR, the Oakland Raiders, and finished with a Hunter S. Thompson quote.

I'm proud of it.
 
2013-03-11 11:22:51 PM
No cats, l&o or dst?

Good riddance and rot in hell
 
2013-03-11 11:23:46 PM

majik624: My favorite obit is this one:
http://www.popehat.com/2008/05/09/way-to-go/


Time to update your go-to favorite obit, my friend. That was good, but the one in TFA has it beat by a long shot. ;)
 
2013-03-11 11:24:25 PM
Bacon of the month club? I'm going to have to look into that.
 
rka
2013-03-11 11:25:19 PM
I too despise the uppity use of the word "porte cochere", especially when you're just using it to describe the carport on your double wide trailer.
 
2013-03-11 11:27:48 PM
I thought Jean Shepherd was dead...but obviously he wrote that obit.
 
2013-03-11 11:29:15 PM
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-03-11 11:31:40 PM
I wish I knew this man, we would have gotten along well.

Aces for donations to a library too.
 
2013-03-11 11:35:11 PM
That was probably one of the best obits I've read. I mean, I've read obits about war heroes and guys that saved a dozen schoolchildren, but this one is actually approachable and it feels more like real life than some kind of movie. No disrespect to the war heroes or child-savers.

He seems like he would have been a cool guy to meet and have a beer with. Maybe shoot the shiat over some philosophy, politics or history.

Welp, it seems like he had a good run anyway.

This next sip is to you,  Harry Weathersby Stamps! Prost!
 
2013-03-11 11:40:53 PM

Recoil Therapy: For someone who hated golf he sure seemed to have a good time hitting golf balls off of his oil rig at the Greenpeace ship...

Oh, Stamps not Stamper.  My bad.

Other than the Daylight Savings thing I think I'd have enjoyed having him as a neighbor to lean over the back fence & solve the problems of the world with.

/would much rather have an extra hour of light in the evening after work than in the morning when I'm driving somewhere to go sit inside all day.


What if he was arguing to make it permanent? Then you guys would hit it off like gangbusters!
 
2013-03-11 11:42:53 PM
Outside of the hots for Hillary Clinton (we are all sinners), he had a very rich life !
 
2013-03-11 11:43:52 PM
RIP good sir...but I doubt you would be so lazy.  You would have been a tier1 Farker! Salute!
 
2013-03-11 11:49:21 PM
This makes me proud of my hometown.

This guy sounds like he was pretty awesome.
 
2013-03-11 11:51:36 PM
Simply fantastic.
 
2013-03-11 11:52:54 PM
Indeed this man deserve quite a lot of credit. RIP to you, Harry.
 
2013-03-11 11:56:05 PM
3.bp.blogspot.com

Not at all phony
 
2013-03-12 12:00:39 AM

Mugato: Why does everyone hate Martha Stewart so much?


rumor has it she's Ann Hathaway's grandma
 
2013-03-12 12:04:39 AM
He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy
 
2013-03-12 12:08:08 AM
Also despised phonies...

4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-03-12 12:10:48 AM
fc09.deviantart.net

I despise ponies too.
 
2013-03-12 12:18:08 AM

great_tigers: [fc09.deviantart.net image 850x850]

I despise ponies too.


dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com
 
2013-03-12 12:19:10 AM

encyclopediaplushuman: great_tigers: [fc09.deviantart.net image 850x850]

I despise ponies too.

[dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com image 443x255]


Yiff in hell.
 
2013-03-12 12:24:00 AM

potterydove: encyclopediaplushuman: great_tigers: [fc09.deviantart.net image 850x850]

I despise ponies too.

[dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com image 443x255]

Yiff in hell.


dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com
 
2013-03-12 12:27:10 AM
You know, this just makes me realize that almost all obituaries suck.  Most of them could be like this if people were more honest.
 
2013-03-12 12:31:48 AM
I smiled , laughed and was saddened . Mostly because i'll never get to meet him ....
 
2013-03-12 12:33:31 AM
What was his Fark ID?
 
2013-03-12 12:37:21 AM
Gott in Himmel. I grew up near that funeral home, on the 'campus' of the USN Retirement Home. This "Harry Stamps" could have been any one of the residents.
 
2013-03-12 12:39:11 AM
th01.deviantart.net
Who could hate ponies?
 
2013-03-12 12:41:26 AM
I grew up in AZ so I was spoiled. I NEVER had to change my clock.

But when I worked on the phone I had to change my schedule to compensate for the rest of you farkers.

WTF rest of the country? I've moved out of AZ and I must say this shiat is insane. This daylight savings crap never made any sense to me. You do shiat during the optimal time, period right? I was always told this shiat had something to do with farming. Bullshiat. Farmers do what they need to do when it needs to be done, not because Ben flipping Franklin decided life would be better if we fudged with our clocks twice a year.

STOP THIS shiat ALREADY. Please.
 
2013-03-12 12:43:57 AM
Also partial to Nancy Lee Hixon's obituary.
 
2013-03-12 12:46:19 AM

cannotsuggestaname: no obituary shows up for me, in either FF or Chrome.


Well, of course there's no obituary for you.
 
2013-03-12 12:49:19 AM
I see the bronies have showed up, bunch of pedofiles in training just like any regular church pastor.
 
2013-03-12 12:57:53 AM
God bless this man.
 
2013-03-12 01:02:56 AM
Condolences to his family.

I would have loved to have known this man.  He would have made a fine Portis character, as well.
 
2013-03-12 01:19:30 AM
Good obituary, seems like a neat guy, but reading history books and watching the history channel just don't go together. It's like running a barbecue joint but eating McRibs.
 
2013-03-12 01:22:45 AM

catzies: I wrote my brother's, in December 2011.

It had guinea pigs, Star Trek, guns, NASCAR, the Oakland Raiders, and finished with a Hunter S. Thompson quote.

I'm proud of it.


Condolences. Link?
 
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