If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Some Guy)   "He despised phonies, his 1969 Volvo (which he also loved) . . . Law and Order (all franchises), cats, and Martha Stewart" This and other gems from the finest obituary a man could ever want   (bradfordokeefe.com) divider line 119
    More: Sappy  
•       •       •

15378 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Mar 2013 at 9:41 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



119 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-03-11 05:43:28 PM  
The best obituary I have ever read.
 
2013-03-11 05:51:37 PM  
Harry took fashion cues from no one. His signature every day look was all his: a plain pocketed T-shirt designed by the fashion house Fruit of the Loom, his black-label elastic waist shorts worn above the navel and sold exclusively at the Sam's on Highway 49, and a pair of old school Wallabees (who can even remember where he got those?) that were always paired with a grass-stained MSU baseball cap.

Dad?
 
2013-03-11 05:55:12 PM  
He particularly hated Day Light Saving Time, which he referred to as The Devil's Time. It is not lost on his family that he died the very day that he would have had to spring his clock forward. This can only be viewed as his final protest.

Because of his irrational fear that his family would throw him a golf-themed funeral despite his hatred for the sport, his family will hold a private, family only service free of any type of "theme."


Well, they could make it beer themed. I suspect he would have approved.
 
2013-03-11 06:27:28 PM  
no obituary shows up for me, in either FF or Chrome. Just a blank page with people talking about the obit.
 
2013-03-11 06:36:59 PM  

cannotsuggestaname: no obituary shows up for me, in either FF or Chrome. Just a blank page with people talking about the obit.


works fine for me in FF, just have to click "obituary and services"
 
2013-03-11 06:37:48 PM  

cannotsuggestaname: no obituary shows up for me, in either FF or Chrome. Just a blank page with people talking about the obit.


Click the obits tab on the linked page.
 
2013-03-11 07:07:37 PM  

TheDumbBlonde: cannotsuggestaname: no obituary shows up for me, in either FF or Chrome. Just a blank page with people talking about the obit.

Click the obits tab on the linked page.



It is working now, but before that just reloaded the comments section. FF still doesn't work for me, but Chrome is going fine... maybe something in Noscript/Adblocker is futzing with it.

It's a great obit.
 
2013-03-11 07:17:12 PM  

cannotsuggestaname: TheDumbBlonde: cannotsuggestaname: no obituary shows up for me, in either FF or Chrome. Just a blank page with people talking about the obit.

Click the obits tab on the linked page.


It is working now, but before that just reloaded the comments section. FF still doesn't work for me, but Chrome is going fine... maybe something in Noscript/Adblocker is futzing with it.

It's a great obit.


Somebody loved him.
 
Pud [TotalFark]
2013-03-11 07:23:02 PM  
He sounds like somebody I would have enjoyed partying with. Oh well, maybe I'll have better luck the next time around.
 
2013-03-11 08:24:14 PM  
Makes me wish I had known the guy.

"He particularly hated Day Light Saving Time, which he referred to as The Devil's Time. It is not lost on his family that he died the very day that he would have had to spring his clock forward. This can only be viewed as his final protest."
 
2013-03-11 08:52:34 PM  
 
2013-03-11 09:02:53 PM  
He excelled at growing camellias, rebuilding houses after hurricanes, rocking, eradicating mole crickets from his front yard, composting pine needles, living within his means, outsmarting squirrels, never losing a game of competitive sickness, and reading any history book he could get his hands on.

Sounds like a very interesting person, just crazy enough to make any social event an adventure.
 
2013-03-11 09:20:42 PM  
Just goes to show, it's all about the writer...not the subject
 
2013-03-11 09:29:01 PM  
Alright.. so I don't see the actual obit, just the comments.  Can someone who is less inept than I copypasta?
 
2013-03-11 09:38:55 PM  
I'm a little sad, now that I know I will never have met this guy... we have a fair bit in common, but we might have got to fisticuffs about the daylight savings time thing...
 
2013-03-11 09:47:36 PM  
Come on, man, what have you got against Law & Order?

northshoreviews.com

Jerry Orbach was the man!
 
2013-03-11 09:48:13 PM  
Just added this to my "after I kick the bucket" list...  Hope someone loves me enough to do this...
 
2013-03-11 09:49:08 PM  

timujin: Alright.. so I don't see the actual obit, just the comments.  Can someone who is less inept than I copypasta?


Seconded, the obituary does not show up on my screen.

TIA!
 
2013-03-11 09:52:22 PM  
Obituary for Harry StampsHarry Weathersby Stamps, ladies' man, foodie, natty dresser, and accomplished traveler, died on Saturday, March 9, 2013.
Harry was locally sourcing his food years before chefs in California starting using cilantro and arugula (both of which he hated). For his signature bacon and tomato sandwich, he procured 100% all white Bunny Bread from Georgia, Blue Plate mayonnaise from New Orleans, Sauer's black pepper from Virginia, home grown tomatoes from outside Oxford, and Tennessee's Benton bacon from his bacon-of-the-month subscription. As a point of pride, he purported to remember every meal he had eaten in his 80 years of life.
The women in his life were numerous. He particularly fancied smart women. He loved his mom Wilma Hartzog (deceased), who with the help of her sisters and cousins in New Hebron reared Harry after his father Walter's death when Harry was 12. He worshipped his older sister Lynn Stamps Garner (deceased), a character in her own right, and her daughter Lynda Lightsey of Hattiesburg. He married his main squeeze Ann Moore, a home economics teacher, almost 50 years ago, with whom they had two girls Amanda Lewis of Dallas, and Alison of Starkville. He taught them to fish, to select a quality hammer, to love nature, and to just be thankful. He took great pride in stocking their tool boxes. One of his regrets was not seeing his girl, Hillary Clinton, elected President.
He had a life-long love affair with deviled eggs, Lane cakes, boiled peanuts, Vienna [Vi-e-na] sausages on saltines, his homemade canned fig preserves, pork chops, turnip greens, and buttermilk served in martini glasses garnished with cornbread.
He excelled at growing camellias, rebuilding houses after hurricanes, rocking, eradicating mole crickets from his front yard, composting pine needles, living within his means, outsmarting squirrels, never losing a game of competitive sickness, and reading any history book he could get his hands on. He loved to use his oversized "old man" remote control, which thankfully survived Hurricane Katrina, to flip between watching The Barefoot Contessa and anything on The History Channel. He took extreme pride in his two grandchildren Harper Lewis (8) and William Stamps Lewis (6) of Dallas for whom he would crow like a rooster on their phone calls. As a former government and sociology professor for Gulf Coast Community College, Harry was thoroughly interested in politics and religion and enjoyed watching politicians act like preachers and preachers act like politicians. He was fond of saying a phrase he coined "I am not running for political office or trying to get married" when he was "speaking the truth." He also took pride in his service during the Korean conflict, serving the rank of corporal--just like Napolean, as he would say.
Harry took fashion cues from no one. His signature every day look was all his: a plain pocketed T-shirt designed by the fashion house Fruit of the Loom, his black-label elastic waist shorts worn above the navel and sold exclusively at the Sam's on Highway 49, and a pair of old school Wallabees (who can even remember where he got those?) that were always paired with a grass-stained MSU baseball cap.
Harry traveled extensively. He only stayed in the finest quality AAA-rated campgrounds, his favorite being Indian Creek outside Cherokee, North Carolina. He always spent the extra money to upgrade to a creek view for his tent. Many years later he purchased a used pop-up camper for his family to travel in style, which spoiled his daughters for life.
He despised phonies, his 1969 Volvo (which he also loved), know-it-all Yankees, Southerners who used the words "veranda" and "porte cochere" to put on airs, eating grape leaves, Law and Order (all franchises), cats, and Martha Stewart. In reverse order. He particularly hated Day Light Saving Time, which he referred to as The Devil's Time. It is not lost on his family that he died the very day that he would have had to spring his clock forward. This can only be viewed as his final protest.
Because of his irrational fear that his family would throw him a golf-themed funeral despite his hatred for the sport, his family will hold a private, family only service free of any type of "theme." Visitation will be held at Bradford-O'Keefe Funeral Home, 15th Street, Gulfport on Monday, March 11, 2013 from 6-8 p.m.
In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you make a donation to Mississippi Gulf Coast Community College (Jeff Davis Campus) for their library. Harry retired as Dean there and was very proud of his friends and the faculty. He taught thousands and thousands of Mississippians during his life. The family would also like to thank the Gulfport Railroad Center dialysis staff who took great care of him and his caretaker Jameka Stribling.
Finally, the family asks that in honor of Harry that you write your Congressman and ask for the repeal of Day Light Saving Time. Harry wanted everyone to get back on the Lord's Time.
 
2013-03-11 09:56:26 PM  
Harry Weathersby Stamps, ladies' man, foodie, natty dresser, and accomplished traveler, died on Saturday, March 9, 2013.

Harry was locally sourcing his food years before chefs in California starting using cilantro and arugula (both of which he hated). For his signature bacon and tomato sandwich, he procured 100% all white Bunny Bread from Georgia, Blue Plate mayonnaise from New Orleans, Sauer's black pepper from Virginia, home grown tomatoes from outside Oxford, and Tennessee's Benton bacon from his bacon-of-the-month subscription. As a point of pride, he purported to remember every meal he had eaten in his 80 years of life.

The women in his life were numerous. He particularly fancied smart women. He loved his mom Wilma Hartzog (deceased), who with the help of her sisters and cousins in New Hebron reared Harry after his father Walter's death when Harry was 12. He worshipped his older sister Lynn Stamps Garner (deceased), a character in her own right, and her daughter Lynda Lightsey of Hattiesburg. He married his main squeeze Ann Moore, a home economics teacher, almost 50 years ago, with whom they had two girls Amanda Lewis of Dallas, and Alison of Starkville. He taught them to fish, to select a quality hammer, to love nature, and to just be thankful. He took great pride in stocking their tool boxes. One of his regrets was not seeing his girl, Hillary Clinton, elected President.

He had a life-long love affair with deviled eggs, Lane cakes, boiled peanuts, Vienna [Vi-e-na] sausages on saltines, his homemade canned fig preserves, pork chops, turnip greens, and buttermilk served in martini glasses garnished with cornbread.
He excelled at growing camellias, rebuilding houses after hurricanes, rocking, eradicating mole crickets from his front yard, composting pine needles, living within his means, outsmarting squirrels, never losing a game of competitive sickness, and reading any history book he could get his hands on. He loved to use his oversized "old man" remote control, which thankfully survived Hurricane Katrina, to flip between watching The Barefoot Contessa and anything on The History Channel. He took extreme pride in his two grandchildren Harper Lewis (8) and William Stamps Lewis (6) of Dallas for whom he would crow like a rooster on their phone calls. As a former government and sociology professor for Gulf Coast Community College, Harry was thoroughly interested in politics and religion and enjoyed watching politicians act like preachers and preachers act like politicians. He was fond of saying a phrase he coined "I am not running for political office or trying to get married" when he was "speaking the truth." He also took pride in his service during the Korean conflict, serving the rank of corporal--just like Napolean, as he would say.

Harry took fashion cues from no one. His signature every day look was all his: a plain pocketed T-shirt designed by the fashion house Fruit of the Loom, his black-label elastic waist shorts worn above the navel and sold exclusively at the Sam's on Highway 49, and a pair of old school Wallabees (who can even remember where he got those?) that were always paired with a grass-stained MSU baseball cap.
Harry traveled extensively. He only stayed in the finest quality AAA-rated campgrounds, his favorite being Indian Creek outside Cherokee, North Carolina. He always spent the extra money to upgrade to a creek view for his tent. Many years later he purchased a used pop-up camper for his family to travel in style, which spoiled his daughters for life.

He despised phonies, his 1969 Volvo (which he also loved), know-it-all Yankees, Southerners who used the words "veranda" and "porte cochere" to put on airs, eating grape leaves, Law and Order (all franchises), cats, and Martha Stewart. In reverse order. He particularly hated Day Light Saving Time, which he referred to as The Devil's Time. It is not lost on his family that he died the very day that he would have had to spring his clock forward. This can only be viewed as his final protest.

Because of his irrational fear that his family would throw him a golf-themed funeral despite his hatred for the sport, his family will hold a private, family only service free of any type of "theme." Visitation will be held at Bradford-O'Keefe Funeral Home, 15th Street, Gulfport on Monday, March 11, 2013 from 6-8 p.m.
In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you make a donation to Mississippi Gulf Coast Community College (Jeff Davis Campus) for their library. Harry retired as Dean there and was very proud of his friends and the faculty. He taught thousands and thousands of Mississippians during his life. The family would also like to thank the Gulfport Railroad Center dialysis staff who took great care of him and his caretaker Jameka Stribling.
Finally, the family asks that in honor of Harry that you write your Congressman and ask for the repeal of Day Light Saving Time. Harry wanted everyone to get back on the Lord's Time.
 
2013-03-11 09:57:43 PM  

publikenemy: Just goes to show, it's all about the writer...not the subject


Not to take away from the man, but so true.
 
2013-03-11 10:00:55 PM  
"Harry was thoroughly interested in politics and religion and enjoyed watching politicians act like preachers and preachers act like politicians"

This perfectly describes my grandfather, they even have the same name.
 
2013-03-11 10:02:27 PM  
One of my favorite L&O quotes:

Det. Mike Logan: Interviewing suspect: When is your birthday?
Suspect: March 20.
Det. Mike Logan: What year?
Suspect: Every year. I have a birthday every year!
 
2013-03-11 10:02:28 PM  
Very nice.
 
2013-03-11 10:03:08 PM  
...and he called his wheelchair his Camaro.
 
2013-03-11 10:04:38 PM  
Ok, this part made me lol as well

"Finally, the family asks that in honor of Harry that you write your Congressman and ask for the repeal of Day Light Saving Time. Harry wanted everyone to get back on the Lord's Time."
 
2013-03-11 10:06:19 PM  
RIP

Condolences to the family.
 
2013-03-11 10:11:49 PM  
 
2013-03-11 10:11:53 PM  
One of his regrets was not seeing his girl, Hillary Clinton, elected President.

So, is this Hilliary Clinton's father or what?
 
2013-03-11 10:14:11 PM  
...stay thirsty, my friends
 
2013-03-11 10:14:54 PM  

ArcadianRefugee: I dunno....

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/denverpost/obituary.aspx?page=lifes to ry&pid=156944598


Yea, I'm looking forward to one seeing one like that for me soon.
 
2013-03-11 10:15:47 PM  
For someone who hated golf he sure seemed to have a good time hitting golf balls off of his oil rig at the Greenpeace ship...

Oh, Stamps not Stamper.  My bad.

Other than the Daylight Savings thing I think I'd have enjoyed having him as a neighbor to lean over the back fence & solve the problems of the world with.

/would much rather have an extra hour of light in the evening after work than in the morning when I'm driving somewhere to go sit inside all day.
 
2013-03-11 10:18:42 PM  
What obituary? It shows his dates of birth and death, that's it.
 
2013-03-11 10:20:27 PM  
 
2013-03-11 10:21:30 PM  

Glitchwerks: Come on, man, what have you got against Law & Order?


Yeah, i read that and i was like fark this guy, no taste.  But i think it's one of those tongue in cheek things, like he hated every episode that he watched without fail.
 
2013-03-11 10:25:43 PM  
Why does everyone hate Martha Stewart so much?
 
2013-03-11 10:26:29 PM  
He particularly hated Day Light Saving Time, which he referred to as The Devil's Time. It is not lost on his family that he died the very day that he would have had to spring his clock forward. This can only be viewed as his final protest.

God yes Daylight Savings Time can go to hell. Let me see if I get this correct. You give me an extra hour (OK I admit I love that) in the late part of the year so that you can deny me light later in the day (I hate that) in exchange for more light in the morning (meh). OK that part is a push. I like extra hours.

And then you go and take away my hour (f*ck you) to give me the late day sunlight you took away earlier? Oh well THANK YOU. A**hole.

I hope Ben Franklin burns in hell one day a year. You know what day that would be.
 
2013-03-11 10:28:29 PM  
Anybody who hates Martha Stewart is ok by me. Sounds like he was a cool old dude.
 
2013-03-11 10:29:04 PM  

Mugato: Why does everyone hate Martha Stewart so much?


Because it's a good thing.
 
2013-03-11 10:29:45 PM  
From comments in the obituary----I'msincerely disappointed to have never known him.

Drew - 2 minutes ago

Drew?
 
2013-03-11 10:30:14 PM  
Thanks to those who posted the original obit.  The link still goes to comments from the peanut gallery for me.

/Now I'll have to edit my own obit.
 
2013-03-11 10:30:24 PM  

Mugato: Why does everyone hate Martha Stewart so much?


Because she's an unethical, uppity b*tch who made a career out of turning people into arts and craft snobs?
 
2013-03-11 10:35:27 PM  
Without even getting into the details, you can infer that this guy was pretty great just because the people around him loved him enough to write it.

Also:

his bacon-of-the-month subscription
 
2013-03-11 10:36:48 PM  
Nothing but respect for a man that despises all franchises of Law & Order.

I'll hoist a brew to him tonight!
 
2013-03-11 10:37:36 PM  
So the guy vilified ponies?

Not sure what's lost here

/condolences to loved ones
 
2013-03-11 10:41:38 PM  
"He despised phonies"
Even Derpy?
 
2013-03-11 10:42:09 PM  
I'm laughing at all the people who can't navigate a goddamn webpage.

Some of you are stupid.
 
2013-03-11 10:42:12 PM  

freewill: Without even getting into the details, you can infer that this guy was pretty great just because the people around him loved him enough to write it.

Also:

his bacon-of-the-month subscription


Bacon of the Month Club sealed the deal for me.
 
2013-03-11 10:42:26 PM  
That obit is full of fail. If mine references Martha Stewart, a volvo, or TV shows I should be glad I'm dead.

Though I happen to agree with the man on Daylight Savings Time.

/RIP you cranky ol fukr
 
2013-03-11 10:44:59 PM  
Mmmmm. Blue Plate.

R.I.P. Blue Plate loving farker.
 
Displayed 50 of 119 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report